“Yeah,” I thought to myself as I staggered to my feet in a pile of rubble, “I must have touched a nerve there.” This guy was going to be bad news bears with the amount of muscle he was throwing around and, lucky me, I was about the only thing in a ten mile radius that could take it. Or at least I hoped, being locked in that painting hadn't done me any favors and I was still in dire need of some recovery time to get back to full fighting strength and so far The Universe hadn't been kind enough to give me a breather.

So as my jaw reattached its self to my face I couldn't help but wonder what building in Ponyville used concrete in its construction as I'd never seen one in the show. Looking around I noticed a mix of small plastic booths and metal tables. Then I spied the display counter full of items like you'd see in a bakery. There was also this hold candy motif from floor to ceiling, not my style personally but to each his own.

Now, I know you're going to tell me I was in Sugar Cube Corner since it's the only logical conclusion given the mountain of evidence but at the time I really couldn't think because of what I was seeing. I want you to understand something, I've SEEN some shit in my time, I've been in some very bad situations with no way out, hell, I could hear Tiny outside having a late night snack if the wet chewing noises were any indication. But none of it, and I do mean none of it, had ever prepared me for what I was seeing; a pair of bright, blue eyes staring at me from around a corner. Normally a curious watcher wouldn't be out of place but this was too much. Why? Because it was just the eyes, bent at a perfect angle, watching me and it freaked me the hell out. I guess Pinkie had fallen asleep in the kitchen and my entrance had woken her up.

“Get... Cakes... out,” I managed to mumble as my jaw snapped back in place. I guess she understood me because the eyes disappeared faster than I could blink. With that handled I decided it was time I got back to work.

“Hey! Retard! I didn't say I was done with you yet!” I shouted stepping back into the down pour. At my words my opponent slowly turned to face me with all the urgency of someone bothered by a fly, I was going to make him regret that.

“You should have stayed down Freak,” he said dropping the pony leg he'd been chewing on into the mud.

“I'm a slow learner,” I shot back with a flick of my wrists to wrap my fists and forearms in chains, “now let's dance.”

With a disgruntled snort from the undead Minotaur we both charged at the other at full speed. As we neared we both took a mighty swing and as our fists met in the middle I felt every bone in my right hand break.

“Shit! What the fuck was that!” I shouted as I danced away. In response all my opponent did was bang his fists together with a sound of metal on metal. I got the message loud and clear, his fists are literally made of steel and the necromantic magic that keeps him together lets him use them like flesh and blood hands. The undead never fight fair.

Before I could come up with a game plan he was on me again, this time with a blow to the ribs that obliterated a trio on my right side. He then followed up with a stiff blow to the gut that made me glad I didn't have guts anymore. In a move of desperation I kicked out and was rewarded with a sickening crunch as my boot collided with his knee, giving me the breathing room I needed to land a flurry of rabbit punches to his torso in the hopes of at least doing enough damage to slow him down. I didn't get my wish; however, I felt a cold steel hand grip my lower leg.

I'm not entirely sure what happened next since it's all a blur, but I'm pretty sure he gave me a Loki. Not sure what that is? Go watch The Avengers, then you'll understand. But I digress, the next thing I know this asshole has me in the tightest bear hug I've ever been in, guess he wasn't smart enough to know I didn't need air. Of course that wasn't the problem, the problem was the sound of bones starting to crack under pressure, so I did the only thing I could and started head butting him in the face. It took a few good blows but he finally dropped me as he clutched at his face.

I only had a few moments before he got his pain under control and the beating would start all over again, so I needed a plan. He had me beat in the strength department and in my weakened state all it would take is time before his necromantic muscle beat my low demonic reserves. I didn't really want to think about what that would mean for me in the long run but it couldn’t be good.

Just as my time ran out I had a brilliant idea, if I couldn't get a grip on him in a ground and pound I'd have to get him into a hang and pound. So I did the only thing I could to get a raging, undead Minotaur on the ground, I kicked him in the dick.

Twice.

As my opponent fell to his knees covering what was left of his family jewels I knew I only had a few moments before he recovered and came at me even harder than before. So with a quick motion I dropped the chains that had been wrapped around my arms and looped them around his neck twice before locking a hook around the links in the back to keep them from coming undone. Then in my best John Woo I took a running leap at a wall and kicked away to come to rest on the ground a few feet away with the chain draping over a street lamp. With a mighty tug I turned away and started marching forward dragging the chains behind me tight.

For a second there I thought my idiotic plan was going to work when I suddenly met resistance that I wasn't expecting. A quick glance over my shoulder confirmed my fears; the big bastard was on his feet and pulling in the opposite direction. I thought I might be able to pull it off as I managed two more shaky steps but that was when my luck ran out and I started sliding backwards in the mud. I was screwed if the brute got away from me this time, so to say I was desperate was a major understatement. Looking around franticly in some hope of an advantage I finally saw my salvation hanging in bright colors from a low hanging storm cloud and a truly insane idea took hold.

“Hey Dash,” I shouted to the not well concealed pegasus, “You suck!” That got her attention as the tale shook in response.

“Yeah, you heard me! I said you suck! In fact, I've taken shits that were far more spectacular than you could EVER hope to be!”

“You take that back, jerk!” she shouted back as her head popped into view over the end of her failed hiding place.

“Not gonna happen Cunt! But why don't you hit me with you best lightning bolt and I might change my mind! Of course I don't have any fear of that do I!” I shouted back as I lost another few inches, apparently my opponent was on to me. Before I could really even register it, however, I felt the impact of pure pain nail me in the chest. It wasn't enough; I was going to need more.

“You call that a hit!?! I can see now why the Wonderbolts keep rejecting your worthless ass!” Another bolt, this time with enough force that I was almost blown off my feet. If the desperate tugs on the other end of my chain and the sounds of straining metal were any indication, I was going to need an even bigger bolt and I was going to need it now. So I decided to break out the big guns.

“Ha! Your mother hit harder than that when your daddy forced it in!” I could see the fires of hate in her eyes from where I stood, it was time to drive it home, “In fact, the only reason you're even here now is because that limp dick bastard couldn't even figure out how to use a coat hanger properly!” I'd barely gotten the words out of my mouth before my world went bright white and a pack of rabid greyhounds started chasing a 1.21 Jiggawatt rabbit through my non-existent veins.

It took me a few moments to shake the cobwebs loose and for my senses to come back one at a time. First was my ability to feel, and sweet, merciful Lord did I hurt in so many places. Then my sense of smell, if the scent of charred flesh was indication, came drifting back like an old friend. Next, was my vision which revealed the furious eyes of a certain pegasus that I had recently insulted. I knew my hearing had finally faded back in when I finally heard what she was saying.

“-ever hear you say anything like that about my parents again,” apparently she was still mad about what I said, “I will personally come down and literally break-”

“Thank you, Dash,” I said cutting her off with a hand around her muzzle as moved to a sitting position, “you just saved my ass back there.” The confusion on her face told me she hadn't really been watching what she was doing.

“Help me over to that bench and I'll explain,” I said as I moved my hand away and she helped me limp over to the indicated seat.

“This street is a disaster,” I thought as I eased myself onto the wooden seat. I then rummaged around in my jacket pocket to find my pack of smokes, only to be disappointed as I had to drain rain water from the pack and making a note to talk to Perfect about another pack later. A few moments of digging yielded the only salvageable cigarette I could find, and after deciding it wasn't worth it any more, I dropped the remainder into a pile of detritus from a trash can that had been knocked over during the struggle.

“At least is stopped raining,” I muttered to myself as I tried not to think about the oddly skull shaped imprint in the side the trash container and light my cigarette for a long drag.

“I don’t know why, this storm was supposed to last another hour or so,” she said holding out her hoof as if to catch a falling rain drop that never came.

“From what I gathered when I first encountered the more offensive side of the weather, it’s tied to your emotions on some fundamental level. And frankly, you put enough anger into that last kick that it channeled all the magic the storm had left into a single bolt.”

“How’d you figure that out?” Guess she’s not too quick on the up take.

“I had a group of pissed off weather ponies try it before. Fortunately, I was able to get away as at the time I wasn’t sure what would happen since me and magic have a very strange relationship,” I said as a I exhaled a cloud of blue smoke. “Guess I didn’t have anything to worry about after all.”

“Wait. You had no idea what would happen and you still wanted to get hit, you’re insane.”

“Only a little bit. But that’s neither here nor there.”

“Huh, that explains a bit.” I had to commend her; she was taking this conversation in stride. “So, you mind telling me what the hay you mean about helping you?” Either she’s just naturally slow or she’s crashed into one to many solid objects head first to not have figured out what was going on by now, so I made a mental note to get her a helmet for Christmas.

“I needed that super powerful bolt lightening in the hopes that it would overcome the necromantic magic holding that bastard together,” I said indicating the fried out corpse, “and fry his ass where he stood before he could tilt the fight back in his favor and I ended up taking a permanent dirt nap. The fact that it topped of the old power tank was just an unexpected bonus.”

“Wait,” worry and panic creeping into her voice as tears began to well up in her eyes, “You mean that I...”

“No,” I reassured her, “you didn't kill him. He died long before tonight. That thing was nothing more than a soul less killing machine. All you did was put the natural order back in balance.”

“I still don't get it but I'll take your word for it.” She said wiping away a few errant tears. “So what are you exactly?” Fear setting in as she finally realized who she was having a chat with.

“That, Dashie, is a long story; one for another time in fact. For now, let's just say, I'm a friend that you didn't even know you had, and leave it at that. Okay?”

“Whatever dude.” She said shaking her head in irritation. It’s fun being mysterious from time to time.

“So how come you didn't stay behind and guard Twilight like I told you?” I asked as I flicked my butt into a nearby puddle.

“That… is a long story for another time. For now, let's just say, I came to help a friend that I didn't know I had,” she said giving me a devious smirk.

“Smartass.”

Unfortunately, that is when The Universe decided to interrupt our little moment as a large explosion rang out into the night sky as a large plume of fire and smoke rose up from the near the edge of the Everfree Forest.

“Shit,” I swore to no one in particular, “that must be the rest of the Peach family. Dash, what's in that direction?”

“Sweet Apple Acres,” she said, worry in her every word as she took to the air.

“Shit.” That was quickly becoming my favorite word tonight. Shoving my fingers in my teeth I gave a shrill whistle and in response my bike came rolling up like a faithful steed.

“Nice ride,” remarked Dash.

“Thanks. I need to get to Sweet Apple Acres via the fastest route possible, for that I'm gonna need your help one last time, you up that?” I asked straddling the seat.

“Hay yeah I am! Think that heap can keep up with me?”

“That ain't going to be a problem. Now, let's ride!” I shouted as I gunned the engine and we began making our way towards Sweet Apple Acres, and what I prayed wouldn't be a massacre, at top speed.

If I had been paying closer attention at the time I would have noticed a stream of ash floating through the air on green fire headed in the direction of Canterlot. Would it have changed my mind about helping like I was going to? No, but it would have at least prepared me for the pain that was coming my way. Honestly though, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Author's Notes:

I'M BACK BABY!!!!

Thanks for holding out folks. I just hope that I can reward your patience with a good bit of story telling.

As always; comments, critiques, questions, and general B.S. are always welcome in the section below.

Now, another selection from the soundtrack:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIPS4LyveJs