Not many people are aware of this, but hellfire is quite talented. Sure it can roast a guy in under a second but that doesn't mean it can't do other things. In this case we were bouncing along an old wagon trail with Aerosmith blasting to all those within earshot, which I believe is about a half mile radius.

Perfect seemed to be enjoying herself well enough, all things considered and was trying her best not to laugh her ass off at my expense. Ever since we had turned toward Ponyville I had been getting pelted with Random Objects from the Knowhere. What do I mean by random? Let’s see, there was that playing card that apparently had been stuck between my front top teeth without me realizing it until Perfect couldn't hold her giggles in any longer, about 20 minutes later. Then there was the time I almost wrecked because I suddenly found myself unable to see, that was decidedly less funny right up until I got the cart stopped and turned to Perfect. That's when she promptly fell off her seat and hit the ground laughing when she saw that I had a mismatched coin in both of my eye sockets. Before I could comment however, a fairly large tome decided to make itself known by introducing itself to my yam sack rather forcefully. Sometimes it's nice to be reminded that despite the fact that I'm a flaming killing machine, I'm still human underneath… this wasn't one of those times.

Back in the present we were bouncing along to the last few notes of “Sweet Emotion” when a thought popped into my head and I just had to give voice to it or would bug me from now on.

“Hey Perfect... can we talk?” At least my voice wasn't squeaky anymore.

“Sure, what's up?”

“How come you're being so cool about traveling with me?”

“Besides the fact that this seems to be the safest place to be right now?”

“That's debatable,” I mumbled under my breath.

“What was that?”

“Nothing, just talking to myself.” She didn't seem to buy it but continued anyway.

“I guess I just feel safe when I'm near you, like I'm supposed to be nearby for some reason. Does that make any sense?”

“Not really, it's just that I'm used to ponies screaming “oh sweet Faust, somepony save us” the moment they lay eyes on me. I guess it has to do with the whole flaming skull thing, but nopony has ever trusted me.” I felt bad lying to her about being trusted, but that bit of information is best left unknown.

“Why wouldn't they? Apart from looking like you crawled out of somepony's nightmares you seem to be a fairly nice Minotaur.” There's that word again, I guess Minotaurs are more common these days than I thought, time to break the illusion though.

“I'm not a minotaur.”

“Sure you are, there aren't any other biped races in all of Equestria.”

“Look at me, do you see any horns?”

“No,” she said with a bit of worry creeping in to her voice.

“Does my skull have a shape that you would usually attribute to somepony like that?”

“No,” she responded trying to edge away, not liking where this conversation was going.

“So then tell me, what do you think I am?”

“Y-y-y-you're a d-d-demon, but there hasn't been one of those in Equestria in nearly two hundred years,” she stammered out.

“Eeeeehhhh, I'm sorry, but the answer we were looking for was Human.” The look on her face when I said that can only be described as a mix of confusion, humor, and concern that she may be traveling with an escaped mental patient... so that may be a little true.

“What's a human?”

“It's a species that does not exist on this world and does not normally look like this,” I said gesturing to myself, “In fact, where I'm from this... thing... that I am here is a fictional character that I dressed up as to go to a party.”

“That is weird. Can't you change back?”

“In all honesty, I should be able to. I guess it has something to do with the background magic of this world that keeps me this way. It should work to my advantage though, seeing as I have a bit of vengeance to deal out.”

“Vengeance? For what?”

“The assassination of Princess Luna by her sister Celestia.”

“WAIT!?! ASSASSINATION!?! WHEN!?!” Okay, that wasn't the response I was expecting.

“Back when she first came back from the moon, if my Sin Sense is to be believed.”

“What? That's not right, she was in Trottingham over a week ago and she bought a few things from my father while she was there. That doesn't make any sense because she's been back for the last four years.”

“Horseshit! I have always been able to sense the sisters and Discord no matter what. When she was gone I could tell she was still alive because it was like looking at her through a dirty window. So don't tell me I'm wrong on this because if I am I just threatened the one being on this planet that has the resources and power to take me out.” Please let it just be a misunderstanding, please.

“I'm not lying; as far as anypony is concerned she came back from her exile on the moon and is here to stay.” Shit.

“I know you're not, that’s the worst part. I can see when somepony is lying to me and if it was an illusion you'd be picking your teeth up off the ground as calling an illusion the truth is lying whether you know it or not. Oh God, can this day possibly get any worse?”

“Probably not, but you might wanna pull over now, we just hit the outskirts of Ponyville. Maybe Princess Twilight can help you.” I guessed as much as she was the most likely suspect to have done the now defunct deed.

“I guess you're right,” I said feeling a bit down about my life expectancy for the next few days as I pulled the cart to a stop, “so where can I find her?” Really there were only two options at this point but I wasn't going to take a shot in the dark on this one.

“She lives at Castle Harmony, near the center of town; you can't miss it since it looks like a really freaky tree.”

That was nice to know, at least I'm past the fourth season, but why couldn't I sense Tirek when he showed up. Things really aren't adding up here lately.

“Does anypony else live there?” I asked already sure of the answer as I unhitched my bike and the cart returned to normal.

“Just her and her assistant Spike, he's a dragon by the way so you might wanna be careful.” The day a dragon worries me is the day I swear fealty to Celestia, but at least I don’t have to worry about her friends being there.

“I'll keep that in mind,” I said not giving too much away, “you head on in and I'll swing by and pay the Princess a visit after night fall. You be careful on your way home, you're still not back to a hundred percent yet.”

“I will. You just make sure none of the local guards spot you, I wouldn't want you doing to them what you did to those bandits.” she said with a shudder.

“Don't worry, I won't,” I replied as I wheeled my bike of the road into some bushes and killed the flames.

“Alright I'm trusting you on this, don't make me regret it,” she said as she began walking away with her cart in tow and storm clouds began taking shape over Ponyville.

-----

“Come on Twi, you need to get some sleep. This can't be healthy.” Said the young purple dragon to the lavender mare as she paced the floor of the council room, much as she had for the last several days.

“I can't sleep Spike. First, the Princess starts raising the sun from the wrong direction, and then she sends me a letter to be on the lookout for sightings of some sort of monster that I can't find in any of my reference books. I have no idea what to do and it's driving me crazy!” she shouted as the rain continued to pour outside.

“It's probably nothing; she's probably just pulling some sort of prank to mess with you. You know how she can get when she's bored.”

“Yeah, but that doesn't mean it could be something we should be worried about.” Spike just sighed in aggravation as Twilight continued her pacing, he'd tried that argument several time already but it was still worth a shot.

“Well if it is something bad, you'll be too tired to do anything about it in your current state, so why not try and get some sleep?” He wasn't sure it would work but maybe this new tactic would get through.

“You're right Spike, I really should rest,” replied Twilight as she took a seat on her personal throne. Spike, to his credit, didn’t let his surprise at this sudden turn of events show on his face.

“How about some t-”

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

“Who could that be at this hour?” Spike asked after being interrupted by the unexpected knocks.

“Spike! Don't go!” whisper yelled Twilight as the young drake put his hand on the knob to council room door and turned.

“What, why?” asked Spike in confusion as he slowly opened the door.

“Because the knocks... came from... inside... the...” Twilight began as her voice trailed off as her eyes went wide at the site of the creature standing on the other side of the door. It was like nothing she had ever seen or would ever wish to see. To her it was like looking upon the works of a madpony.

“You know, you should really get more guards, I just walked across Ponyville and in through the front door without see a single one of them.” Then, it was suddenly engulfed in green flames.

-----

Okay, that was unexpected but nothing I can't handle. With a snap of my fingers the flames vanished as the source gave a small strangled choke and I got a full view of the room. It was almost as if I was just watching that finale again for the first time, of course it was all ruined by a very tired and disheveled Twilight standing on the table with her horn pointed at my chest.

“I wouldn't do that if I were you,” I told her flatly.

“Watch me,” she said. It was quickly followed by a flash of purple sparks and her hitting the table unconcious.

“Told you,” I said moving over to check to make sure she was alright.

“Get away from Twilight you freak!” shouted Spike as he made a leap at me trying to claw me to death. Unfortunately, I'm much faster and caught his face in my hand.

“Let me go!” he demanded as he continued to struggle against my iron grip. I had to hand it to him; the kid had guts, just wish he had more brains though.

“Spike! Shut up and listen! I'm not here to hurt either of you.”

“Why should I believe a monster like you?” he shot back still continuing to fight. He really had a point but I had a better one.

“Because, Twilight is alive but unconscious from doing what I told her not to do. I have you by the face with one hand, but you haven't been able to break free which should let on that I probably have the strength to crush your skull like grape.” With that last bit he deflated a bit as the fight went out of him. Good, he'd be more open to talking now.

“I want you to go into the kitchen and bring a coffee, black with four sugars, for me and one for each of you made the way you each like it, we're all going to need it,” I instructed as I sat him down and released my grip on his head, “Oh, and don't try to contact anyone just yet, you won't be able to use your fire breathe just yet and I would hate to have to do anything to Twi while you were running around looking for help.” An empty threat, I'd never do anything to an innocent, but he didn't have to know that yet.

“Sure, I’ll get right on that coffee,” he said as he retreated with a look of fear and worry in his eyes, he was not going to be happy when he found out I was bluffing.

“Mmmp,” came the moan of a certain Alicorn as she tried to rejoin the land of the living, “Where am I?”

“You’re in Hell,” I stated simply as I leaned over into her field of vision. She passed back out in fear this time; I just can’t help myself sometimes.

-----

It took a bit but Spike finally returned with our drinks and managed to get Twilight up and running again. So here we sat, sipping on hot coffee while Spike gave me the occasional death glare and if I still had a face I’d be grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

I'd spent the last hour explaining what was going on and who I was while they sat in silence. I even went so far as to describe all of my abilities in detail, so she could better understand my predicament.

“So what do you say, can you help a guy out?”

“Do you really expect me to believe that you’re not dangerous?” questioned Twilight, guess she was still a bit mad about me scaring her.

“I figured the evidence would speak for itself Princess,” I replied, taking another drink from my mug. At times like this it’s always best to not let them see you sweat… I could sweat that is.

“One time is not enough to establish a pattern.”

“What about what happened with Perfect Count,” I couldn't let her forget about that.

“Well that-”

“And the fact that I could have killed those guards in my escape, as well as Celestia when she confronted me, instead I went out of my way to not cause them any permanent damage,” I said, cutting her off.

“Be that as it may, you are still a wanted criminal for threatening the Princess,” she responded with a smug look. Sometimes I really hate these ponies.

“Actually that can be cleared up if you could get a message to Luna expl-”

“That's Princess Luna and Princess Celestia to you pal!” shouted Spike. Huh, I forgot what it was like to have someone with the guts to cut me off, good on you kid.

“I've known them both since long before either of you where an idea on the horizon, so I'll call them whatever I please. Especially since Luna and I are friends, all be it she’s my only friend.”

“Wait, you're friends with Luna?” asked Twilight with a bit of skepticism.

“Yeah, she started trying to exorcise and banish me from the mortal plane a long time ago while I was locked inside that painting. Thing is, we got to talking after her umpteenth failed attempt and she figured out that I was only dangerous to those who do evil. Pretty soon she was coming down just to talk and hang out and we eventually became friends. Of course all good things must come to an end as they say. She became Nightmare Moon and my biggest failure.” I answered solemnly as I finish the last of my drink in one pull, and wishing in had a shot of Jack in it.

“If you don't mind me asking, how is that your biggest failure?” Twilight asked after I let that little nugget slip.

“The story you know about how she became the Nightmare and why is all a lie. She did it because she was unable to convince Celestia to let me out to continue my job. So in her desperation, and against my wishes, she used a spell to claim part of my power as her own. After that, I'm not sure if the spell succeeded or failed since magic works funny on me, she changed into the monster that everypony fears. As much as I don't want to think about the cause, I can't help but think she succeeded but got a hold of something inside me that got a hold on her instead. That or the glimpse into my being finally gave something inside her a way out. All I know is, after that the next pony I saw was Celestia and she vowed to do everything in her power to ensure that I could never corrupt her sister again.”

“Dude, that's harsh,” added Spike.

“Now you see why I might have jumped to the conclusion that she was dead, especially since I can normally see the “signature” of the world's super beings.”

“Doesn't that mean you can see me the same way?” asked Twilight.

“I should, but for some reason it's only working like it would for any normal pony.”

“I might have a theory about why that is,” she began as a familiar cold shiver went up my spine.

“Save it for later, innocent blood has just been spilled here in Ponyville… a whole lot of it.” I snapped as the information came flooding into my brain. Before I could say anything or move the doors behind me burst open and a rainbow shot past my head.

“Twilight! You have to come quick! The town is under attack!” shouted the cyan mare that the rainbow was attached to.

“What's happening and where?” I asked, forgetting what I looked like for a minute.

“Near the Everfree,” she said turning to face me, “and just what the hay are you?”

“That doesn't matter right now, you three stay here and don’t let anything happen to Twilight, I got this,” I said turning to leave.

“Where do you think you're going pal? And for that matter what makes you think you can boss us around like that?” snapped Dash as she zipped in front of me and blocked my path. I really didn't have time for this.

“He's somepony who can help,” relplied Twilight, “I’ll explain it to you but first you have to move and let him go.” Grudgingly she listened to her friend and fluttered to the side. Not wanting to waste any more time I made my way out the front door in a dead sprint.

“Do you trust that thing to help us?” asked Rainbow with a concerned look on her face.

“Yeah, I kinda do,” replied Twilight after a few moments of hesitation.

-----

Even in the driving rain with a raging storm over head it wasn't hard to find my way. I just had to orientate myself toward the Everfree and follow the screams. I got there too late.

“Oi, biggun', pick on someone your own size!” I shouted at the hulking form as it dropped the two halves of the guard it had in its massive hands and gained another foot and a half on me.

“What the fuck are you?” spat the monster as it stared down at me.

“I could ask you the same thing,” I said. This thing should have registered on my Sin Sense but instead it just keep appearing as a perfectly shaped hole in reality. There are only a few things that could do that, the most common being Undead. “What's your name ugly?”

“Name's Bubba Peach,” Crap not these clowns again.

“I could have swore I wiped you lot out before I got locked up, guess I'll have to start over from scratch wiping you worthless fucks off the face of -” I didn't get any further as a Mac Truck hit me in the mouth.

Author's Notes:

Well here it is, Chapter 6. Sorry for the delay, but between studying for tests to keep my job and unplanned medical proceedures, I've been a bit unavailable to write this monstrosity. As usual, questions, comments, insults pretaining to my bad grammar. Special thanks to everyone who Liked and Favorited while I was away.