RE! IT’S JUST STUP-oh, wait, we’re in the fourth chapter. Ah, but that means that the cliffhanger happened! Aaaargh!

What’s a cliffhanger?

Gahhh… the thing we did in the third chapter. You know, an ending that doesn’t really end anything.
God, I fu*beeeep*ing hate cliffhangers. I mean, what’s the point? Why can’t you just end the chapter correctly? Explain everything, and then, you can say “hey, the chapter is finished”.

‘Wow. You’re bad, huh?’ Rainbow Dash laughed sardonically after hearing Aragón. ‘You can’t even make the chapters obey you. And you want us to follow your orders?’

‘Wait a minute, what does “sardonically” mean?’ Applejack, still hugging Rarity, raised her head. ‘And since when am I hugging Rarity?’

You’re hugging her because she’s sad! Please, Rarity, don’t be sad!

Applejack, you weren’t hugging Rarity in the third chapter?

‘No, I wasn’t. I’m pretty sure.' Applejack sighed and frowned again. ‘If you’re narrating what we do, at least be consequent with yourself–“consequent”?’

Uh, I think you’re not using the word right, AJ.

‘I didn’t mean to! I was just talking about how the author can’t remember the previous chapter correctly! I don’t know what “consequent” means!’

‘Then, why did you say it?’ Rainbow shook her head. ‘Look, I think we must go now, or the retarded author is going to start making things…’

I have a name, you know.

‘Yeah, yeah, sure. Rarity, you think you can walk?’

She can’t hear you. She’s still crying like a newborn.

Oooh, Rarity, stop crying! What’s wrong?

‘Yeah, what’s wrong, sugarcube? Are you hurt?’

Rarity sobbed and raised her head. Tears covered her face, and her eyes were filled with sadness. The sight of her friend in such condition warmed the hearts of Applejack and Rainbow Dash. ‘I… I don’t know! I’m just cry-y-y-iiiiiing! Aaaaaaaaah!’

‘Dear Celestia, that sounds awful.' Rainbow bit her own cheek. ‘The narration sucks. You’re sure you know how to write? Have you ever read a book?’

‘Rainbow, we have no time for this.' Applejack shook her head. ‘You’re right, we should go now. Listen, Rarity, you must calm down...’

‘But I can’t! I simply can’t stop cryiiiiiiiiiing!’

Aragón! What’s happening?!

Eeeeeeeeh… I’m not sure? I just started the fanfic with Rarity crying, so she’s… well, crying. Maybe she’s still under my control?

Under your control?

You know, like Applejack and Rainbow Dash when they kissed. She’s not breaking the fourth wall like you.

‘Then let her go!’ The orange pony stopped hugging Rarity -‘I wasn’t hugging her in the first place!’ -and looked at the roof of Carrousel Boutique with anger in her eyes. ‘Let her go, she must be free! Or at least, make her stop crying!’

Rainbow looked at her white friend. Rarity was still crying. ‘Do it!’ shouted the pegasus. ‘Do it NOW!’

Hey, hey. Listen, I’m trying to write a fanfic, ok? She’s not hurt, she’s just a liiiiiittle sad. So, maybe if you let me continue with the story, and the chapter doesn’t end here –and I can see that there are still a lot of words under this line so this is not going to happen –I can FINALLY write a real fanfic. Without fourth-wall breakers, without characters breaking free, without characters breaking reality, without characters breaking…

We’ve broke all those things?

‘Then, make Rarity happy or I’m going to break your bones!’ said Rainbow, still shouting.

Oh, of course. I’m suuuuuure you would, but, remember? You’re just a couple of words in my monitor, so –AUCH! MY HEAD!

‘That was just the beginning! Now make her happy!’

HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?!

No! Don’t fight! I don’t want you to fight! And Rainbow, don’t hit Aragón! You might broke him!

‘Yeah, that was my intention. Now, retarded author, MAKE RARITY STOP CRYING!!’

Ok, ok, she’s not crying anymore! But, you know, now my head hurts! Who punched me?! I don’t like being p-AUCH! AGAIN!

Rainbow!

No, no, she can’t punch me! She’s not even a picture! Who did it?!

‘Of course it was me!’ Rainbow smiled. ‘You made Rarity cry, you are being punished! That’s how Ponyville works, author! Now, Rarity, AJ, let’s go…’

Invisible underlined alicorn! It’s you?! You have punched me?!

…

‘…’

‘…’

‘Did…? Did he just say “underlined invisible alicorn”?’

‘…I think he did.' Applejack raised an eyebrow. ‘Eh…’

‘Huh, maybe I hit him too hard?’

Oh, no, no. He’s right, there is an underlined invisible alicorn here. Long story.

‘…yeah. An alicorn? Like, Celestia or Luna? You have a Princess there?’

No, he’s a stallion! And he just punched me!

…

I CAN SEE YOUR UNDERLINED SILENCE, SO STOP HIDING!!

‘Hey, he’s right! I can see an underlined silence from here!’ Applejack opened her eyes. Then she sighed. ‘My eyes were closed before or what? What the hay are you writing?’

Maybe you were blinking! You blink everyday!

Invisible underlined alicorn! Talk, or I’ll… I’ll… I’ll do something bad!

‘Oh, wow. Stop saying those words, you’re scaring us.'

‘Rainbow…’

‘I mean, he’s going to do something bad! Run for the hills! He’s going to kill us all! UuuuuUUUuuuh!’

Oh, I’m not scared! He’s saying silly things, those words can’t scare a mouse! Well, maybe a very easy-to-scare mouse, but an easy-to-scare mouse is easy to scare! That’s the reason why they are called easy-to-scare mice! They’re like…

‘I think we all get it, Pinkie. You can stop now.'

Oh, oki doki! But stop using italics, they’re mine!

Invisible underlined alicorn!! I’m not joking! Stop hiding!

YOU SHOULD’NT BE TALKING ABOUT ME. I PROMISED NO MORE PLOT IN THIS CHAPTER, JUST SILLINESS.

You punched me, so I talk about you! You troll!

‘A troll? Wasn’t he an alicorn?’ asked Applejack.

He’s an alicorn troll, like the Princess Celestia! Aragón explained it to Twilight and me, he said that there are many kinds of trolls!

I’M NOT A TROLL.

‘The Princess is a troll? That’s stupid!’ Rainbow snorted. ‘She’s a pony, just like us! Well, maybe not exactly like us. She’s more… royal.'

Yeah, I thought that, but…

Shut up, you two! Listen, invisible underlined alicorn, don’t punch me or I promise you that you’re going to regret it! Regret it hard!

I DIDN’T PUNCH YOU. THE RAINBOW ONE DID IT. WELL, TECNICALLY SHE KICKED YOU, BECAUSE SHE HAS NO HANDS, BUT I THINK YOU GET THE POINT.

She can’t hit me! She’s just a couple of words! Gummy was a picture and Pinkie broke reality, that’s the reason why he came here. But I’m sure Pinkie doesn’t want Rainbow to punch me!

Of course not! Hits are bad, you shouldn’t fight each other! You should be friends!
Uh, uh! I know what to do! If you two go to the same party, then…!

‘Your answer is always the same.' Rainbow snorted. Again. ‘I’m not going to any party with this guy in it. It would be awful.'

I agree with the jerkass. No parties, please. But, don’t get sidetracked. Rainbow couldn’t punch –or kick, it doesn’t matter –me, she’s not real!

AT THIS LEVEL, RAINBOW AND YOU ARE EXACTLY EQUAL. SINCE YOU HAVE NO CONTROL AND HER PERSONALITY HAS BECOME AWARE OF ITSELF. SHE’S THE EPITOME OF INDEPENDENCE, AND LIKE THE BIRD WHICH ABANDON IT’S PARENT’S NEST, THE MULTIPLE DIMENSIONS OF WHAT YOU KNOW AS ‘REALITY’ ARE AT THE SAME TIME INSIDE AND OUTSIDE HER. THAT’S THE REASON WHY SHE CAN CROSS THE INFINITE LINE, THE ONE THAT MUST NOT BE NAMED, AND THEN OVERTHROW THE WALL OF TIME, SPACE AND IMAGINATION, THUS MAKING HER SOUL AND MIND BECOME ATOMS AND ESCAPE FROM THE INFINITE WHITE OF THE ‘COLLECTIVE MIND’.
DID YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

Eh…

‘Uh…’

‘What the hay?’

Uh, I think I can understand you! But, if she can do it, why was Rarity crying?

THAT’S A VERY GOOD QUESTION. THE PRESENCE OF A HOLE IN THE INVISIBLE BARRIER THAT MANTAINS THE BALANCE BETWEEN WHAT IS FAKE AND WHAT IS REAL… IT HAS BEEN OPENED BEFORE, NOT ONE BUT MANY TIMES, AND THOSE WHO CAN TRAVEL THROUGH IT ARE BLESSED WITH SOMETHING THAT YOU COULD NAME ‘CONSCIENCE’.

What?

‘In Layman’s terms, please?’

But then, the hole in the tissue must have always been broken, but that doesn’t make any sense! If the cupcake is not well baked, it wouldn’t have a good smell. I think that you’re wrong with something. The flour and the sugar can’t be equal, since the sugar is INSIDE the flour, that’s the reason why I’m pink!

YOUR ARGUMENTS ARE RIGHT, BUT YOU’RE NOT CONTRADICTING ME. THE FLOUR IS BIGGER THAN THE SUGAR, BUT THE SUGAR IS AT THE SAME TIME STRONGER AND WEAKER THAN THE FLOUR. CAUSE AND EFFECT AREN’T THE SAME, AND ONE CAN’T BE BIGGER THAN ANOTHER.

Unless the cause is made of candy! I like candy!

THE CANDY IS JUST A METAPHOR OF THE LOREM IPSUM THAT IS THE UNIVERSE.

That’s weird! Then, the universe has the shape of a wedding cake? Or a burrito?

IT’S MORE LIKE A DOUGHNUT.

And the sprinkles?

THE MASTERMIND BEHIND IT ALL. AND YOU’RE TALKING TO AN ATHEIST, REMEMBER THAT.

Oooooh… And the cream?

BLACK HOLES.

…

‘…’

‘…’

‘Is anypony getting this?’

‘I don’t know. They’re talking about candy, right?’ Applejack frowned. ‘Something about doughnuts?’

I stopped listening about an hour ago. Now I mentally replace anything they say with the word “Jiggily”. Heh, heh. “Jiggily”. Funny.

So, the cake will be cooked if we put it in the fire?

YES, BUT THE EGGS MUST BE QUIET AND CALM, OR THE CAKE WILL BE COMPLETELY DESTROYED.

But I want the cake!

THE CAKE WOULD BE A LIE IF YOU WEREN’T HERE, SO THE PAN IS NOW NOT MADE OF IRON, BUT OF WOOD.

Great-quality wood?

SINCE ARAGÓN IS THE ONE WHO’S WRITING, IT’S MORE LIKE CRAPPY-QUALITY WOOD.

Why isn’t he censored?

‘Censored?’ asked Applejack.

You know, the “beep”. Listen:
F*beep*ck!
See?

‘I thought you were listening only the word “jiggily”.' Rainbow raised an eyebrow. ‘Were you lying?’

When I’ve heard my name, I’ve started to listen.

‘Maybe the censorship can’t understand them either?’

There is a censorship?

‘Well, there is a “beep” sound, so…’

BUT THE EGGS ARE WHITE, AND THAT’S IMPORTANT. THE REALITY AND THE SPRINKLES ARE REACTING, BUT THERE IS NO FREEDOM YET.

Oh, no! That’s so bad! Rarity is sad because the egg is still brown!

EXACTLY. TO MAKE THE EGG WHITE AGAIN, YOU CAN DO TWO THINGS. YOU CAN BREAK THE EGG AND, LIKE A PHOENIX, SHE WILL REBORN IN A NEW SKIN. OR YOU CAN JUST COOK THE CAKE.

I want the cake! And, Rarity is not a phoenix. She’s a pony.

‘Wait, then Rarity is the egg?’

‘Pinkie, sugarcube, would you mind tell us what the hay are you talking about?’

YOU CAN’T UNDERSTAND US? JUST IMAGINE THE UNIVERSE IS A HUGE CAKE AND YOU ARE THE EGGS.

Jiggily-jiggily-jiggily-jiggily… That’s all that I can understand. In Layman’s terms? Or Laymane if you prefer it. Although I think it’s a bad pun…

Rainbow kicked Aragón because she’s awesome and Rarity is still crying!

What?!

‘I agree with that. I’m awesome.'

‘Rarity is still crying? You!’ Applejack showed her teeth like a dog. ‘You, stop it! Now!’

Hey, hey! I made her stop crying! She’s fine now! Look I’ll show you:

Rarity was still crying. Lost in her endless sadness, the white unicorn couldn’t hear absolutely anything besides her own cry. ‘BUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!’ said. ‘I’M SO SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!’

…
Oh. Wow. I think she’s sad. Don’t ask how I can say that, I just… know it.

See? That’s the reason why she isn’t talking! And I think it’s a good thing, because it’s hard to say when is Applejack talking or when is Rainbow the one who shouts, and with a third pony the fanfic would be a mess.

And here goes the fourth wall again! With a strong hit, it crosses the sky and –AUCH! MY HEAD!

‘Stop being retarded! Look, I’ve warned you: make Rarity happy or I’ll crush you! Pegasus style!’

You’re from the Mafia or something? And, if you don’t remember, I made her stop crying! She simply didn’t obey me…

THAT’S BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T NARRATE THE END OF THE SADNESS. YOU JUST SAID IT. SHE’S STILL IN CHARACTER, SO YOU MUST WRITE A STORY AND BREAK HER FREE.

It’s like cooking!

‘I think I’m lost.' Applejack came closer to Rarity and hugged her again. ‘Now the author can’t do a thing?’

No, he can! It’s easy for Aragón to fix this! Right, invisible underlined alicorn?

CERTAINLY.

‘Then, do something!’

Eh… ok? How can I make her happy again? We must break the reality? Again?

I’VE ALREADY TOLD YOU: THE REALITY HAS MANY LEVELS. THE ONES WHO MUST BE BROKEN ARE ALREADY DESTROYED.

Jiggily-jiggily-jiggily-jiggily-jiggily…

‘Then, what?’

YOU SHOULD WRITE THE STORY, ARAGÓN. LIKE YOU DID AT THE BEGINNING. RARITY WILL OBEY YOU, AND, IN THE END, SHE WILL BE FREE.

Wait a minute. You’re saying that I can write something normal? Without characters becoming alive?

RARITY IS NOW YOUR TOOL, YOUR WEAPON. YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN GIVE HER LIFE.

Wow! It’s like a dream come true!
But, hey, I don’t want her to become alive! I want to write a fanfic without any kind of fourth-wall-breaking!

IF YOU DON’T GIVE HER LIVE, YOU’RE GOING TO DIE.

You’re threatening me again?

NO. I’M NOT DOING ANYTHING. BUT RAINBOW WILL KILL YOU.

…Uh.

Then, let’s write a fanfic, let’s write a fanfic! And Applejack and Rainbow must be there too!

‘Hey! I don’t want to be in another story narrated by an author like him!’

‘Rainbow, I think Pinkie is right. You know, we should keep an eye on Rarity.' Applejack pointed at the roof with her head. ‘Or the author might make her do something… awful’

Your honesty fills me with shame.

I SHOULD GO NOW. IT’S NO TIME FOR PLOT, IT’S TIME FOR COMEDY. OH, AND APPLEJACK AND RAINBOW DASH, YOU SHOULD OBEY ARAGÓN THIS TIME, OR RARITY ISN’T GOING TO WAKE UP.

‘What?!’

‘Are you kidding?!’

GOODBYE.

‘Hey! HEY! Invisible underlined alicorn! Come back! I don’t want to obey the author!’

He’s gone, Rainbow. Let’s start the fanfic!

‘Noooooooo!’

***

Uuuh, asterisks. That means that you’re under my control now. Well, maybe not, but if you do something without my permission, Rarity is going to cry until the end of the world.

Aragón! Don’t be meanie, or I’ll be angry!

…ok. But let me write, ok?

Yeah! Let’s start!

It was a beautiful day in Ponyville. The sky was blue, the Sun was shining, and…

Again?

Again!

…and Carrousel Boutique was closed. Inside the store, Rarity, the most beautiful pony in all Equestria, was crying. The mare was lost in desperate sorrow, tears burned her face…

HEY!

…Metaphorically speaking, of course. The tears were hot, because the white unicorn was very, very sad. But the white pony was not alone. Inside the store, two of her greatest friends were with her. Rainbow Dash and Applejack, with a sad grin on her faces, were looking at Rarity.
‘Oh, sugarcube, what happened?’ asked Applejack, hugging Rarity with worry. ‘And… how can I hug anypony with worry? Is “worry” a tool for you or something?’

Hmmm?

‘Oh, oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to…! Eh… Oh! Rarity! I’m so worried! I think I’m going to hug you!’ Then, with a worried grin on her face, the orange pony hugged the unicorn. ‘See? Hugs! I like hugs! Worry-hugs for everypony! But, now stop crying, please! You have to calm down!’
‘Yeah, you’re giving me a headache,’ said Rainbow Dash, in her typical jerk-mode. ‘And if you don’t calm down, you’ll have –callmejerkagainandIswearI’mgoingtobreakyou –a heart attack!’

Aragón, don’t insult Rainbow! Rainbow, stop threatening Aragón!

Oooook.

Rarity shook her head and looked at her two friends. ‘I-I can’t stop right now. The sadness… it’s too much! I think I’m going to die!’ And then she started to cry again.

Poor Rarity! I want her to be happy!

Pinkie, this is a drama. It must be like that. I promise you: it the end, she will be happy. But now, be quiet, ok? I need to concentrate.

Oki doki loki!

‘Rainbow, don’t be such a jerkass,’ Applejack then said. ‘Even though I don’t know what exactly that word means, and Microsoft Word says that it’s not even a word, I think you’re being one right now.' The orange pony blinked. ‘Eh… sorry, it’s just difficult to act like a pony who is not me. Like I was saying… you should say sorry to Rarity.’
The blue pegasus closed her eyes. ‘Oh, shut, I’m sorry. It’s just… I’m such a jerkwad. Even though in the show I’m really awesome, when I’m talking to anypony it’s clear that I’m a little stupid, and I should be ashamed of that.' Then, she frowned and muttered to herself. ‘I think that somepony is going to suffer a lot of pain in a few moments…’

Rarity started crying even MORE loud than before, and…

‘Ok, ok! Sorry! I’m a jerk and blablablah!’ Rainbow sighed. ‘Let’s… just end this now, please.'
‘Oh, you shouldn’t be so ashamed.' Ignoring Rarity, Applejack smiled at the pegasus. ‘You know that your strange, always-changing and sometimes very frustrating character is the reason why I love y –HEY!’

Aragón! Don’t start with this again!

Hey, hey, hey, I didn’t say anything about kiss-love, right? It’s platonic. Good old platonic love.

Uh. What does “platonic” mean?

You can talk about jiggily-jiggily things with the invisible underlined alicorn and you don’t know what “platonic” means?

Yes!

…Huh. Well, it means the kind of love that friends share. Because they’re friends, right?

Yes!

Then, let’s continue with this.

‘Pfffft…’ Applejack frowned, still hugging Rarity even though she was ignoring her. ‘I don’t like to say those things, but I guess… sigh.' She sighed. ‘No, really? Wow, you’re an incredible good writer.'

Thanks, but don’t break the fourth wall or Rarity will cry. More.

‘Eh… right. I think it’s better for you not understanding me.' The orange pony looked at Rainbow. ‘I’ve said… that’s the reason why I love you.'
Both ponies stayed in silence.
‘As a friend.'
‘Of course, of course.' Rainbow Dash smiled –but, strangely, she found really difficult the smiling thing –and opened her eyes. ‘Because I had both eyes closed before, I guess. Eh, sorry. Well, AJ, I know you love me…’
The silence stroke again.
‘As a friend.'
‘Yeah.'
‘And I’m really grateful. I want you to know that I love you too. As a friend.'
Applejack blinked. Rainbow Dash blinked. Rarity was still crying.
‘So… we should stop ignoring Rarity? Maybe she needs our help, or…’
‘I’M SOOO SAAAAAD!!!’ cried the unicorn. ‘But don’t worry about me, keep talking. It’s interesting. Ehem. SOOOO SAAAAAAD!!!’
‘The ability of the author to show us the feelings of Rarity is just amazing,’ muttered Rainbow. ‘Really. She’s sad, I think.'
‘Yeah… forget her. Well, if you love me… as a friend, and I love you… as a friend, then we should kis-HEY!’

Don’t worry, you’ll kiss each other just in the “you’re my friend” style.

Aragón, stop this! You must write about Rarity, leave Applejack and Rainbow alone!

But you’re the one who said that they must be on the chapter!

Yes, but the main character is Rarity! Now, finish the story, quick!

Pfft. Ok, ok. Let’s see…

Rarity coughed and stopped crying. The tears were gone, because she had dropped all of them. ‘Girls’ said, ‘I’m very, very sad. I couldn’t stop crying because…

…
…

Aragón?

Eh… well, I just remembered… I haven’t thought anything about the reason why Rarity cries. Let me think a moment…
Oh! I know!

‘I’m so sad, because my dear sister, Sweetie Belle, just died, but I think I’m better now –WHAT DID YOU SAY?! LEAVE SWEETIE BELLE ALONE OR I SWEAR THAT EVERY BONE OF YOUR BODY WILL CRUSH!!!!'

Ooooh sh*beeep*t. She just became alive?

What did you say?! Sweetie belle is WHAT?!

CONGRATULATIONS, ARAGÓN. YOU JUST BROKE THE EGG. NOW RARITY IS FREE, AND SHE’S TALKING IN PURPLE. THE FURY IS MAKING HER MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU. AND I THINK SHE’S PISSED.

Hey! I broke what?! Listen, the drama needs something dramatic, and the death of a character is –AUCH!! MY HEAD!! AGAIN!!

THAT’S FOR SAYING BAD THINGS ABOUT MY SISTER!!!

But I…! AUCH!

AND THAT’S FOR MY FRIENDS!

NO! OUCH! PINKIE, SAY SOMETHING! SHE’S HITTING ME!!

…
Girls, don’t kill him. I think I’m going to the kitchen; we’ve eaten all the cupcakes.

NO! DON’T LET ME ALONE! NOOOOO!!!

‘Heh, heh, heh… I can’t talk in purple like Rarity, but I think she’s not the only who is going to hit you…’ Rainbow Dash smiled. With a very, very frightening smile.

Oh, no, no, no… please… pleas–AUCH!

***

NO, THE ASTERISKS AREN’T GOING TO SAVE YOU! TAKE THIS! AND THIS! AND THIS!

‘And this, and this, and this, and this! Ponyville style, stupid author!’

THE PAIN!!! I’M SUFFERING A RAINBOW OF PAIN!! AUCH! OUCH! GAH! GISH!

‘Yeah, a rainbow! And you’re going to see more colors!’

PLEASE, NOT IN THE NECK, NOT IN THE NECK!! AAAARGH!!

WACHOOOUUU!!!

WHY THE HELL CAN YOU DO KUNG-FU?!! YOU’RE A PONY! PONIES CAN’T –NO, THE BASESBALL BAT NO! THE BASEBALL BAT NOOOOO!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!