Continuing from Friends in High Places, Steven receives an audience with Princesses Celestia and Luna; some interesting revelations come to light. We get a first look at Terran Empire technology.

Also, after more than a few dozen complaints, I've changed the last line of this chapter. Are you happy now?

Day Five of Seven, Continued

I stare at Princess Celestia. So do Princesses Twilight and Luna, but theirs is a questioning look; mine is more puzzled and nonplussed.

"Run that by me again? How is my presence so 'fortuitous'?"

Celestia smiles, raising a tea cup to her muzzle before replying, "Some time ago, I had several sections of the palace renovated. These areas were uninhabitable before and I wanted to expand on the guest room situation. While the renovation teams were working, they discovered a room unlike any in the palace. It is located in a part of the palace lodged into the mountain. There are- machines there that nopony can use. They don't appear to be pony made…"

Once again, Celestia's horn lights up and my past plays, a nickelodeon of experience, triumphs, and horrors.

"How- how- how- how did you do that?"

I was pretty sure pony magic would never work on me, but Celestia and Luna just went through my memories; my entire life read and analyzed. I was a little unnerved about that.

"Oh, that," Princess Celestia smirks, "that was a little trick our adopted sister showed me. Cadence's powers have some degree of telepathy to them; she just showed me how to work that out for myself. I showed Luna how do it once I mastered it."

"And why," I growl, "did you just use that on me?"

"Well," Princess Celestia mused, "I wondered whether telepathy would work on you; it seems it does. I also needed to know if you have any experience with the devices we found in the aforementioned chamber."

"Excuse me," Twilight interrupts, "but, was that a spell you used or-?"

Celestia laughs, "No, my faithful student. I'm reasonably assured that most, if not all spells, would not work on our Terran friend."

"Not like Sparklebutt hasn't tired," I grouse.

Twilight gives me a dour expression, to which I respond with a fleck of my tongue.

"As for your question," Celestia redirects, "Twilight has told me about your unique, shall we say, skill set. I believe you may be the only one able to operate the devices in that chamber."

I gave the Sun Princess a hardened look. I had some suspicion that there was a task in the offing but I was uncertain as to what.

"What do you expect me to do? Arthur Fonzerelli the things into operation?"

Princess Celestia gets a puzzled look over her face, I've obviously confused her.

"I'm certain you should be able to get those devices to perform some function."

"So when should I start?" I inquire.

"There's no need to rush," Princess Celestia assures, "you can stay and enjoy your 'Oar-ee-ohs.'"

I roll my eyes at the Princess' attempt to sound out the brand name. I'd rather put off this proposed task as long as I can, because I can't trust what this gear is gonna do. So I tuck into my cookies and milk. I'm mildly pleased that Princess Luna is imitating me. The look of delight on her face when she bites in her first milk-sodden cookie is absolutely priceless!

I- can't remember how many plates of cookies I ate. All I can tell you is that my stomach is both distended and very full. So to is my bladder. That's the last time I drink a gallon of milk in one go. Presently, I'm hobbling along with Princesses Celestia, Luna, and Twilight. We've been marching to this curious chamber for roughly fifty minutes now. I see the look on Sparklebutt's face and can only assume she had no idea the palace ran this far deep. Luna has a similar look, from what I can intone, but she's holding it in better. Maybe she knows that with a structure this large and ornate, it's not altogether possible to learn all it's secrets.

While they walk and I hobble, I do my best to take in the surroundings. Who knew a palace could have so much marble and granite in it? I'm getting nervous about scuffing the floor; the pink marble is so beautiful I dare not scratch it. You know, it does make me wonder: how in the Hell do these ponies not scuff or crack all this marble with their hooves? I just can't wrap my head around it. I really don't know how much further we're going to go. We must be deep in the mountain if there are no more windows here.

"We're getting close," Celestia warns, "it's just a little further…"

I can see some light that isn't issued from torches up ahead. What have we here…?

"This," Celestia says, "is the place."

My jaw, it has dropped. I'm in some sort of antechamber; it's immense in size. Even though the Sun Princess is almost as tall as I am, she is dwarfed by the place. Unlike the rest of the palace, the walls are composed of solid black granite marbled in silver; I look up and the ceiling is hidden by shadows. The floor under us is a grey marble, veined with pink. This room is certainly not made by ponies; the dimensions and design of it are too geometric to be Equestrian.

"The device is over here," guides Celestia, "we have not been able to activate it."

I think I can see why. The device is some sort of computer console, but not one I've ever been in. There's a compression chair in some form of microfleece in the middle of the chamber; several membranous screens enclose the seat. I don't see any system unit or other peripherals nearby. There's a chill in the air, and it isn't my the one going down my spine…

"How now, brown cow," I whisper, "who belongs to you?"

I prop my crutch on the seat, and gingerly lower myself into it. The moment I do, the screens come alive and lights flash on, blinding everyone. Eventually they dim down, allowing me to see some new additions to the console. Something like a stalk has risen from the floor in front of the chair. Attached to the stalk is something like a keyboard. I can't read the text on the keys, but it highly resembles a QWERTY keyboard. Should I be suspicious of this level of convenience? There are now also what look like LED projectors behind the screens; they, too, have emerged from the floor. The chair itself has sprouted a leg rest and some very comfortable arm rests with lots of under-lit buttons. I'm beginning to feel like James T. Kirk here…

"Well, here goes nothin'…"

Leaning forward, I reach out for the keyboard. Oh, this is curious! One of the projectors is bathing me in some sort of laser array. I pans up and down my body than shuts down. Okay, this is uncanny. The keyboard characters, they're- morphing. First, they transform to Cyrillic, then they become kanji. Now they're Loatian characters, if I'm not mistaken. Oh, okay, now we're getting somewhere! They just metamorphosed into Roman letters. Also, one of the screens has turned on; there is text on it that reads, "Identify Yourself."

"Steven Ambrose," I plink into the keyboard.

As soon as I hit the "execute" key, the monitors all around me stir into life. I can see the Princesses' look at me and the console in what I can reasonably assume is looks of bewilderment. Oh, the text on the forward monitor has changed. It reads, "How Do You Feel?"

Plinking, I say, "I don't know; it's too early in the morning for me to tell."

What is this? Is that- a smiley? A big grin smiley. Huh…

"Steven, what does that mean?" Twilight asks.

"Search me," I reply, "I can only assume I typed in something funny."

Well now, this is getting very interesting. The monitors I haven't been paying attention to have now come to life. I see displays of all manner things I can only guess at. Some look like weather reports, others look like news feeds (even though I'm unsure what news they're bringing me; the text in the feeds is in some pigdin language I can't read), two are showing me a diagram of a human body in a reclined position… Oh, now, that is crazy! The reclining person is me!

"Steven," Princess Luna calls out, "what is going on?"

"I dunno," I say, "but I could conquer the whole damn world with this thing…"

"It appears," Celestia muses, "that my assumptions were correct. Only a Terran can operate this device."

"How do you mean?" I ask.

"To be honest," Celestia admits, "I've done some experimenting concerning this device. I used my magic to change some of my little ponies into humans and tasked them with operating this machine. The results have been less than stellar."

"I would think so," I add.

"Why is that?" Celestia asks.

"Biometric scanner," I reply, "See?" I point to a small orb set in a stalk just behind the primary monitor, "That probably scans the operator for proper- well everything. Retina scans, heat gradient, DNA, maybe even fingerprints. I bet your transfigured ponies couldn't match all the criteria this thing looks for."

"I see," Celestia muses.

"Hmm, from what I can tell, this is pretty advanced setup. Even my rig back home isn't this sophisticated. These monitors are holographic in nature… The keyboard is made of some material other than plastic… The seat has something like six axis rotation, making this thing more stable than any task chair I've ever sat in. And let's not talk about the Transformer-style keys."

"So what does it do?" Twilight asks.

"Hell if I know," I reply, "this could very well be the jelly filled center of the Universe for all I- Hey, what is that?"

One of the monitors is now displaying a map. I can see a settlement that vaguely resembles Ponyville and the woods all around it. This map shows two sets of woods, one of which I'm certain is the Everfree Forest. Twinkling in the middle of the Everfree is marker, set over what appears to be a castle or fortress of some sort. More of those strange, geometric characters are flashing on the screen underneath the structure.

"Is there anyway I can get that in English, please?" I ask.

My request is answered at once, as the text transforms into Roman letters and numerals.

"Huh, that's odd." Twilight comments.

"What do-" Celestia asks but I interrupt her musing.

"Bedlam Woods? I thought that was the Everfree? And what, praytell, is this place: House of Mason apothecary outpost?"

"I am-" Celestia starts.

"Sister," Luna adds, "isn't that our former home? The Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters?"

"It is," Celestia muses, "interesting…"

"Interesting?" I balk, "What about this is interesting?"

Celestia doesn't direct her next words to me, but to Twilight.

"Twilight, I would like you and our guest, Steven, to look into this."

"Why, Princess?" Twilight inquires.

"Because I believe Steven knows more about this place than even I do."

To quote Sergeant Murtagh: "I'm getting too old for this shit."