And now for something completely different.

NEXT CHAPTER: LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN! ANACHRONISM AT IT'S FINEST!!

Day Three of Seven:

Twilight Sparkle POV-

The library was clean. I liked that. Every book was shelved by subject, then by title, and lastly by author. I'd like to see any other librarian due that with any efficiency under three hours. Hmm, I think a cup of tea is in order. The endorphin rush of a perfectly ordered library isn't going to carry me through the afternoon. I should call on Spike…

*KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!*

Who is this? It's not even midday and someone is calling? Maybe it's a new patron to the library! Oh, the excitement…

"Oh, Rainbow Dash!"

"Hey, Twi!" Rainbow beams, "You doing anything today?"

"Uh, no, not actually." I admit, "I just finished reorganizing the library-"

"Great! Cuz I really need to talk to you."

Jeez, Dash, could you at least give me a moment to bring out some refreshments or something?

"So, uh, what did you wanna talk about?" I ask.

"You know Steve pretty well, huh?" Rainbow Dash inquires.

"Yes, I know something of him." I tell her, "What about him?"

"Well, uh-" Dash begins, "Geez, this is gonna sound silly-"

"Wow." I exclaim.

"What?"

"I think this is a first! Rainbow Dash: all tongue tied over a stallion. Or man, as the case may be." I declare.

"Hey-!" Rainbow exclaims,"You better wat-"

"Calm down, Dash, I was only kidding!" i say, "Why don't we go into the kitchen. I was just about to make myself some tea."

"Oh! Well, yeah, that'd be cool."

I can hear Dash trotting in line behind me as we make our way to the kitchen. While not the best consulting space in Equestria, I think it would do Dash some good to focus on me while she explains her situation. She is almost foaming at the mouth. What could she see in that- human, I'll never know but she seems set on him. Maybe she'll tell me when we talk?

"So," I have my back turned to her, but I can hear Dash panting, like a dog, "what is it you wanted to talk to me about? Does it have anything to do with our- visitor?"

Did I just hear metal rattling behind me?

"Oh, yeah…" Dash begins.

"So," I've got a tea kettle settled on the stove and the flames are set just right, "why?"

"Huh?"

"Why him?" I inquire.

"Well, uhm…"

"Well, you are REALLY hung up on him." I confirm.

"I can't help it! He's- He's something different."

"How do you mean?" I ask.

"Well… When I first saw him, I didn't think much of him. Pudgy, kinda unsightly, and all that blood. It wasn't until later, when we got him into Flutter's place, that I saw him completely. Now you know as well as I that I've taken quite a few tumbles before."

"Like that time you tried to a pull off a spinning Sonic Rainboom and ended up in the hospital for a month? How many bones in your wings did you break that time?" I say.

"Well- Uh- Yeah- It doesn't matter, now. What DOES matter, is that I don't know anypony who can take those injuries and live. I mean, he was pretty messed up, wasn't he?"

I nod, "To quote Big Mac, 'Eyup.'"

"Well, I kept thinking he was a goner. I mean, he lost part of his leg! All that blood… That guy was done for. Then-" Dash begins.

"A miraculous recovery, even without healing spells and the fact that he's the first intelligent human seen in forever."

"Yeah. And you know, I had to admire that." Dash confesses, "I thought, 'This guy is resilient. With those massive injuries, he could just slouch into a hospital bed and stay there to the end. But he isn't going to.'"

"Is that when you starting having feeling for him?" Oh, good, the kettle is whistling.

"No," I get two cups gripped telekinectically and the tea pot now steaming in my magic, "Remember when we brought him here, after the incident with the rogue human?"

"The sky marshal event? Yeah, I remember that." I reply.

"Did you see what I saw?"

Curious, I ask, "What do you mean?"

"After I conked him on the head? Did you see him MOVE?" Dash says.

"Uh, no. One moment he was bracing his head, the next he had that- thing in his hand." Had I not known what it could do from earlier in that day, I would have sworn he was just offering a consolation of a sort.

"Wow, I'm surprised. I'm pretty sure Applejack saw it. Anyway, what I saw was- amazing…"

"I don't follow." I admit.

"Seriously? He moved, not like anypony I know, including me! He was fast, like REALLY FAST." Dash confides.

"Huh?"

"I'm telling you, I saw it!" Rainbow is practically jumping out of her hooves, "The pistol was behind that day sofa of yours.He just- got up, and RAN behind the sofa, picked up that- thing- and then he was sitting on the sofa pointing it at me."

"How come I never saw this?" I inquire.

"I don't know. Maybe it's a- Pegasus sense or something?"

"That doesn't explain much." I admonish.

"Okay, be Miss Cynical and everything! I'm pouring my heart out here-"

I better pour her some tea before she goes on wild rampage. "No, no, I'm here to listen. I didn't mean anything, really."

Okay, Dash is calming down. Good.

"Sorry. It's just- Steve has got my head all messed up."

"So, you saw him move, as in move quickly and that's when you became- infatuated with him?"

"Well, yes. Then again, no. I mean, I'm the fastest pony in Ponyville, if not Equestria and this guy- he outstripped me! Just for a fraction of a second, he was a blur of activity and I couldn't think of just how fast he had to be going to pull that stunt off. That's when I started following him… There were times where I thought I saw that he was interested."

"Oh, please tell me you didn't stalk him…!" I exclaimed.

"Uh-" That blush on her face tells me that Dash is caught between a rock and a hard place.

"Dash…" I implore.

"What else was I supposed to do? The mares do the chasing, not the stallions! You know this! Well, at first, it was just me trying to see if he could anything else." Rainbow confesses, "Or better, if he could move like that again. You know me, I'm a competitor! I wanted to race with him. Then I started seeing other stuff…"

"Other stuff?" I ask.

"Well- He has this- I don't know what to call it. I mean- have you seen him get up in the morning?" Dash inquires.

"Uh, no, I can't say I have." Not that I haven't been curious… The morning habits and rituals of another sentient creature might make an excellent cultural study…

Dash is smiling. The kind kind of smile she made when Daring Do made an excellent joke. Should I be worried? Mmm, this is some good tea. I should thank Fluttershy for the suggestion.

"Well, he does this- thing. It's like a hop, but he bounces on his good leg… and he kinda wobbles until he's balanced. It's- It's the cutest thing I've ever seen!"

"Wow, you are totally into him!" I say.

"I know, right?!" Dash exclaims, "There's, like, all these things he does. The way he growls when he's in bad mood, or that laugh of his. All throaty and loud, I get tingly just thinking about it!"

"There gotta be more to it than that, though."

"Well, uh, there- is, maybe?" Dash says sheepishly.

I don't think I've ever seen Rainbow Dash blush this hard before. Her entire face has gone beet red.

"What happened?"

"Well, it was after Steve's housewarming party. I was downing some really good apple cider. The hard stuff Applejack keeps in the cellar. 'Jack comes down, sees me chugging and joins me. Please don't tell her I told you this. Anyway, 'Jack and I got to talking. She was telling me about her coltfriend, Lone Star, and all the stuff she and him get up too. We were both pretty drunk; we used to do drinking games during My Little Human. I'd like to say I'm proud of consistently drinking her under the table, but I'd be lying."

"Go on."

Dash is sipping her tea. What she has to say next might be embarrassing for her. That blush has not gone away. In fact, it's only deepened.

"Well, I was feeling pretty lonely and then I heard Steve coming up the walk. 'Jackie is all 'We better hit the hay. I think Steve's had enough fun for one day.' I agreed, but something came to mind. So I kinda- snuck into his house."

"Dash!" I did not expect that.

"What can I say," Dash confesses, "I was hammered! Anyway, I hear him come in. It's dark, he can't see me. And for whatever reason, I'm as randy as Tartarus. Anyway, he sees me, and-"

I make an effort of twirling my fetlock around so Dash can continue.

"Well, long story short, I sorta, kinda, maybe gave him fellatio?"

Shocked. I am shocked. "Dash-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Nopony really talks about that kinda stuff. But I bet you ten bits that humans do it, too." Dash says with a hit of a dare in her voice.

"Why?"

"Because he didn't seem to object!" Dash says, "He just kinda- went with it."

"What happened next?" I've completely forgotten my tea; it's gone cold. What a waste…

"Well, I woke the next morning. I think I passed out or something because instead of being on the floor, like I was the night before, I was in his bed. He was making pancakes or something when I woke up. I then told him not to say a word to anypony."

"Why?" I demand.

"I dunno! I guess- I guess I was a little mortified that I could just- do that. I mean, I've dated plenty of times before. I've had- oh, gosh, I don't know how many coltfriends. But Steve was different; he was- chill."

"How do you mean?"

"It was like- He was up for anything. Not many colts or stallions can say that. I get- kinda wild in the sack…"

"Okay, I'm sure I didn't need to hear that." I moan.

"Well, anyway, after that I just couldn't get him out of my head! I kept seeing his face and- that's when I figured out- I wanted him to be my special somepony."

"Oh, Dash-" I cry.

"I'll have him, too! You just wait. His playing hard to get game will wither eventually-"

I'm almost afraid to tell her about the competition… Of which I am not a part. Nope! He's interesting in that my magic seems to hurt him and burn him out. He's intriguing in that aspect that his world is filled with all these technical wonders we ponies haven't dared dream of yet. But he's a mild curiosity. I don't find his abrasive manner all that attractive. Or that fact that he uses profanity like it was going out of style. Or the cute way he twiddles his fingers when he's impatient. Or the way he smiles when he laughs… By the Goddesses, why I am thinking of this?

"Hey Twilight! Earth to Twilight! You in there?"

"Oh, sorry Dash!" I say, "I was just thinking. You've given me quite a lot to think over."

"What are you talkin' about?"

"Oh, just- stuff." I end lamely.

"You better not make a move on him!"

"No, no, it's not that! I just wonder… If he's the last human survivor… He couldn't possibly entertain… Sorry, Dash, I'm wrapped up in something you said."

"Like what?" Dash inquires.

"I'll tell you later. Say, are you hungry? I'm getting a huge craving for some hay burgers."