Hello, everypony. I am the Critique.

Let’s talk about everypony’s favorite bully, Diamond Tiara.

So, because of her status on the show, she is often seen as a heartless asshole. And most stories involving her usually end up with her being maimed, killed, humiliated, etc.

I’m not exactly for bullying, but isn’t that kind of harsh?

Anyway, while Diamond Tiara isn’t among my favorite characters.  She’s not even within my top 30. I know I checked.

Rank Character

1 Fluttershy

2 Rarity

3 Princess Celestia

4 Princess Luna

5 Pinkie Pie

6 Twilight Sparkle

7 Sweetie Belle

8 Applejack

9 Apple Bloom

10 Rainbow Dash

11 Scootaloo

12 Spike

13 King Sombra

14 Trixie

15 Zecora

16 Cheerilee

17 Discord

18 Princess Cadence

19 Shining Armor

20 Queen Chrysalis

21 Derpy

22 Big Macintosh

23 Iron Will

24 Octavia

25 Nightmare Moon

26 Snowflake / Horsepower

27 Granny Smith

27 Braeburn

29 Babs Seed

30 Silver Spoon

30 Pipsqueak

32 Diamond Tiara

33 Gilda

34 Lyra

34 Bon Bon

34 Vinyl Scratch

34 Fancy Pants

34 Prince Blueblood

39 Fleur de Lys

40 Lightning Dust

41 Photo Finish

41 Hoity Toity

43 Flim

43 Flam

45 Rose Luck

45 Colgate

45 Dr. Whooves

45 Berry Punch

45 Carrot Top

45 Soarin'

45 Spitfire

45 Caramel

45 Cloud Chaser

45 Flitter

45 Twist

But even if that wasn’t the case, does she deserve the kind of crap she goes through with fans? I’d like to think there is somepony who would stand up for her when some fans go too far. Just like today’s subject. Cutie Mark Crusader Life Ruiners by Decimal

This story is pretty controversial with most fans stating that Diamond Tiara got what she deserved in the end. Others would claim that the Cutie Mark Crusaders are completely out of character and that the punishment Diamond Tiara received in this story was unjustified and mean-spirited.

But what is the truth? Is her punishment justified or not? Well, let’s jump into the story and decide for ourselves.

As you already have probably guessed, there are spoilers for this-

Sir, must you always reveal there are spoilers ahead? I think anyone who is following this already knows that there will be spoilers.

I’m doing it for the people who haven’t seen the previous reviews and don’t know what to expect.

Very well, sir.

Anyway, on with the review.

We start with the Cutie Mark Crusaders in their clubhouse trying to figure out what they are going to do for their Cutie Marks.

"Mountain climbing, juggling, firestarting, stunt performing, doctoring, potion brewing…

Manticore-slaying, spelunking, clop fiction writing, professional accounting…

Yeah, the fans of these characters can get kind of weird…

"Maybe we should ask some of the townsponies how they got theirs?"

Wait, haven’t we done this plot already? I know it was with the main six, but most of those characters are your sisters. (or at least close in Scootaloo’s case). Why would you think that going to ponies who aren’t family go any better? Do you just not trust them enough to tell you the truth or something?

So they decide to go into town and ask others how they got their cutie marks. They arrived in the town and Sweetie Belle says this-

"Wait! Didn't the mayor ban you from riding your scooter in the market?" Sweetie Belle said.

Wait, Scootaloo was banned from riding her scooter in the market? Why?

"Oh yeah. Darn." Scootaloo hopped off her scooter and was followed by the other two fillies.

Wait, you aren’t going to explain why she can’t use her scooter? We just have to assume that we know or something?

They walked around the market, searching for ponies who they haven't asked the story of how they got their cutie marks.

So… not going to explain that at all, huh? Just kind of… wasting our time with that bit.

Anyway, they start wandering around town hoping to find somepony, but the town is mysteriously empty.

The only ponies there were the ones who ran the market stalls, and most of them were sleeping or doing other things that weren’t attending to customers.

Gee, I wish I got paid to sleep during my store hours. Those bastards are lucky.

What do you call what you are doing now?

Working.

You don’t get paid to do reviews. You choose to do them because you are bored.

Shut up.

Scootaloo was the first to complain about the absence of ponies. "This sucks! Where is everypony?"

Wow, good thing you told us that before she actually did it. I never would have guessed she was upset with the whole “absence of ponies” bit, if you hadn’t had just told me. Good thing you didn’t show me, I would have never guess. Note sarcasm.

"But what if somepony wanted to buy something on a holiday? What do you think, Sweetie Belle?"

And thus, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle began the very thing that would not only bring them billions, but the very thing that would destroy Equestria forever…

So, they see a large crowd of ponies gathering at a stage and they go to investigate.

Well, we don't have anything else to do, wanna see what's happening in there?" Apple Bloom said.

Except well, finding your cutie marks. And hell, why don’t you just ask the owners of the shops to help you guys with your cutie mark hunting? I mean, the town’s empty. It’s not like they’re doing anything important.

So they travel towards the stage and they view the presentation.

And if you just saw the video, then you basically read the next 500 words. … I’m not kidding. The whole scene was replayed in the fan fic. Written out in… a much shitter way. The descriptions of this story are absolutely terrible. There is nothing in this story that resembling ‘show’! We are only told things! That’s not good writing!

Now, this would be acceptable if it actually showed the Cutie Mark Crusader’s reactions to the seminar or how they feel about the whole thing, but really, it’s a cheap way to fill up space in the story, since it offers us nothing new that a 1 minute video wouldn’t catch us up to speed on. Hell, I’m surprise he actually wrote it, instead of taking the lazy way out and just posting the video in the story. Frankly, I probably would have liked that more. It wouldn’t have been less reading I had to do.

But it turns out there was a reason for this scene to happen, be it a rather stupid reason, as it happens to be the very same seminar that Fluttershy was at in Putting Your Hoof Down. And, he just spat on the official canon. I’m so glad this couldn’t be done another way. Maybe the author just didn’t have the imagination for it.

Oh, look at her. She is so cute. I just want to wrap her up and cuddle and…

Focus, Critique. Focus on the review.

And if you watched that video, you got the next 500 words out of this story. And this story only has 3000 words. Yep, 1000 words of this story was a total waste and could have been used for something more original and more interesting. If I wanted to watch Putting Your Hoof Down, I would watch it on Netflix!

Anyway, after the seminar, the Cutie Mark Crusaders leave with Scootaloo getting an idea.

The Crusaders meet at school the next day to discuss Scootaloo’s plan.

She stopped when she saw Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon walking towards the schoolhouse. "There they are. Alright, just follow my lead."

Little did they know that they were actually Changelings in disguise that devoured them as soon as they came with hoof’s length of them. And considering what we are about to see, I don’t really feel sorry for them.

What really happens is Scootaloo and the others start making fun of Diamond Tiara.

speaking of cutie marks, we never really got what yours meant. I mean, it's some sorta crown, but you're not a queen or anything, so it means that you're somepony who pretends to be important but isn't?"

Well, frankly, we pretend you’re a chicken so I don’t really see how that compares to a crown?

"So you're like those snooty nobles in Canterlot who think they're above everypony else? Wow, you must really be a snob to get a cutie mark for it! You even have somepony who hates you following you around every day pretending to like you and tell you how great you are just because you're rich! Isn't that right, Silver Spoon?"

Oh, so bullying! That’s what we’ve stooped down to! Don’t be a bully, kids, but if somepony makes fun of you, go ahead and insult everything they are and everything they do! Because two wrongs make a right!

So, yeah, it goes on like that for a while with the Cutie Mark Crusaders basically being assholes and Diamond Tiara the victim. Kind of out of character for the Cutie Mark Crusaders, but hey, if one seminar can morph Fluttershy into Flutterbitch, I guess it works on everypony, right?

Finally, the bell rings and you would think that the Cutie Mark Crusaders are done. They had their little fun, they got back at Diamond Tiara and they can go back to whatever it was they were doing.

"I know what we should do!" Sweetie Belle said. "When we go inside the schoolhouse, follow behind me and do what I'm doing."

God, you suck.

So, the Crusaders burst into the room and start crying. When Miss Cheerilee asks what happened, they explained that Diamond Tiara called them Blank-Flanks and that it hurt their feelings.

"Diamond Tiara, is this true? Did you make fun of them for not having cutie marks?"

"No! They're just being stupid and stuff and…" she trailed off when she noticed Cheerilee was now looking at somepony behind her.

"Yes, Miss Cheerilee, she was. I saw her doing it today, and before that. She's been doing this for years." Diamond Tiara turned to see who said that. When she saw it was Silver Spoon,

Okay, what?

Where did this come from? This seems unbelievable rushed! Where the hell did Silver Spoon’s sudden 180 come from?! This is one of the biggest problems with the Silver Spoon character with the fans! Silver Spoon is treated as nothing, but a victim, while Diamond Tiara is played up the bitch to 11! It’s a mirror image of Luna and Celestia. Celestia is played the part of the evil tyrant who sent her sister away, while Luna is played the part of the victim!

But it doesn’t make any sense! One, Silver Spoon is just as bad as Diamond Tiara. There is about as much to like about her as Diamond Tiara! The episodes prove that! There is no reason why she should be played the victim card more than Diamond Tiara. I know she’s the ringleader, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t as bad!

And even if that wasn’t the case, this scene where she suddenly switches sides is so fucking rushed! One sentence and BOOM, Silver Spoon is a good guy now!

It comes out of left field with no build up and no suspense whatsoever.

But in the Crusaders’ defense, she did strike first. While the Crusaders did go really, REALLY far with their insults, Diamond Tiara and the Crusaders should be punished for it. So, what’s Diamond Tiara’s punishment?

"I am expelling you, Diamond Tiara, from the Ponyville Schoolhouse, for repeated bullying and harassment."

… … Damn… That’s really harsh, isn’t it?  Isn’t that going a bit beyond your authority? Isn’t there a principal or something, you need to discuss it with first?

Also, you’re going to just… expel her? Just like that? I mean, you’re not going to talk to her about it? Not going to hold it up for discussion? Not even going to try to have her explain herself or have you explain why that is inappropriate for her to do?

Okay, I’m going to be right back…

Okay… I’m good now…

So, anyway after being expelled, which still makes no sense even after all the alcohol I just consumed, she meets up with her father.

She explains what happened at the school with her father, explaining that it isn't her fault, but he isn’t buying any of it.

"I did not raise my daughter to be like this. I can't believe that you would stoop as low as picking on somepony for not finding their cutie marks. But getting expelled from school? This is unacceptable."

Okay, Miss Cheerilee was very out of character in the last scene for expelling Diamond Tiara like that. Yeah, she was a bully, but that’s not how you deal with them as a mature adult. I’m sure her father, who was a little more understanding in the show then most people give him credit for, would treat her in the way that she needs to. With love and respect and…

"Pack your things. I don't want to see you around here anymore." Filthy Rich got up from the chair and walked away, leaving Diamond Tiara at the table.

… … Well, fuck you too!

I mean, are you serious?! Are you fucking serious?! THIS is how Diamond Tiara’s father acts?! Yeah, I don’t think that would happen considering the character we see! Yeah, okay, we don’t see a lot of him, but I don’t think he would ever disown her! My god, do ponies in this town not know how to raise children?!

Maybe humans would be okay to come here and show ponies how to love their children!

FUCK! NOT THEM! NOT THEM! NOT THEM!

And of course, since we never see her mother in any of the episodes, the author automatically assumes she doesn’t have one and even if she did, she would, OF COURSE, agree to sending their daughter to live on her own.

Diamond Tiara starts to head outside, but is cut off by the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Now, let’s play a little game here. The Cutie Mark Crusaders admit to hearing her dad yelling at her and banishing her from his home. (Which of course, there is no laws against neglect of a child for the convenience of the story)

You have a brilliant set up here for a very great ending. If you were the author, what would you do in this situation? Would you:

A: Make the Cutie Mark Crusaders feel guilty about their actions, ultimately learning that two wrongs don’t make a right and that being a bully is not the answer and thus they help Diamond Tiara get back into school to finish her education, making it up to Diamond Tiara’s father and confessing the truth?

Or B: Have the Cutie Mark Crusaders rub it in Diamond Tiara’s face, stating how much better they are than her, therefore becoming the very thing that they had been bullied by for years?

If you said B, YOU ARE AN IDIOT!

That’s right, our author picks B, having the Cutie Mark Crusaders rubbing in the fact that she is now alone and is forced to raise herself!

Diamond Tiara stomped her hoof on the ground. "You did this! You ruined my life! You made Silver Spoon leave me, you made me get expelled from school, and you made my dad disown me!"

"You're welcome. Now you won't be a spoiled brat anymore, and you can be a miserable not spoiled brat!" Scootaloo said.

I’m heavily considering changing my favorite ponies list to not include you three!

And of course, the moral of this story is “It’s okay to be a bully and treat people with disrespect.”

“Sometimes the best revenge is moving forward and being happy despite the people that try to drag you down.?” Pfft, Hussein Nishah was a fucking idiot. Obviously, it should be “The best revenge is making sure the person you hate suffers by losing everything they hold dear.”

This author got it right. He got it fucking right!

So they continue to make fun of her with Diamond Tiara crying. Now, anyone with an actual brain in their head would make the Crusaders feel bad, but not our author, instead we get this.

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADER LIFE RUINERS, YAY!"

Ha, ha, ha, ha! You just let a little girl get disowned by her family being forced to starve in the streets and possibly die.

This fan fic is trash! It’s stupid, its unimaginative, it’s not written well at all, and it’s just so mean-spirited.

Look, Diamond Tiara is a bully. I get that. She gets her just desserts at the end of each episode. Okay, fair enough. I’m a big believer in karma. What goes around comes around. If you are an asshole, it will come back to bite you.

But this? This is not only mean-spirited, but it makes no sense. How is any of the decisions of the adults justified? Yes, Diamond Tiara is a bully, but her punishments are way too extreme! They are far too extreme for the wrong she’s done!

The Iron Will seminar, what was the point of that? Did you like Iron Will, but couldn’t figure out a way to get him into your story, so you just shoe horned him in there? There were a million different, unique ways this could have been done. Why even do it this way? If you are going to do it this way, at least give us something new like focusing on the Crusaders, rather than Fluttershy, who wasn’t even a part of the story to begin with or has anything to do with it afterwards.

The story isn’t funny! It’s written as a comedy, but it never once got a laugh from me. I would only look at this in shame and think, “God, did you really just write that?”

The descriptions in this story are so bad, that the story actually becomes really boring. My high school English book was more exciting than this.

And the worst part about this story is the Crusaders themselves. They are not only out-of-character. They not only bully Diamond Tiara the way she had always bullied them. But because only Diamond Tiara is punished.

ONLY Diamond Tiara.

If you are going to punish her for the bad things she does, fine! But what about the bad things that the Cutie Mark Crusaders do?

“Well, the Crusaders are good, so that makes it alright.”

Fuck you! It’s not alright! Two wrongs do not make a right! I’m sorry! That’s not the way the world works!  The biggest problem in this story is that the Cutie Mark Crusaders are never punished, never criticized, never even feel guilty about the harm they have caused another.

And you know why the story never went that route? Because the author didn’t care. The author didn’t give a shit about this story or its contents. Don’t believe me? He literally says it.

I was originally just going to have the CMC make fun of Diamond Tiara but that didn't really cut it. I don't think getting expelled and disowned is reasonable, but I threw it in there just because. And yeah, they were out of character and the punishments just stacked on top of each other without enough logical reasoning, but I didn't want to have ten thousand words of Diamond Tiara sitting in the principal's office/getting chewed out by her dad.

If that isn’t the definition of not caring, I don’t know what is. 10,000 words would have been great build up for this story. Hell, even 1000 words would have added to it. Or at least make up for the 1000 words of Putting Your Hoof Down I had to read through. Overall, this story is a pathetic attempt at making people cheer when Diamond Tiara gets bullied. But all it does is leave a bad taste in my mouth.

Yeah, save your hate for somepony more deserving.

Not her, you asshole!

That’s better. Have a good day guys.