Hello everypony. I am the Critique.

After the introduction of Trixie in the series, there has been a lot of speculation at what the relationship between her and Twilight would be.

Some would claim them to be future friends since they have similarities. They are both unicorns and are both passionate about magic. Some would claim they would be sworn enemies, with Trixie using her magic for fame and Twilight using her magic for more selfless reasons.  Others would claim that they would be lovers. … Wrong. Just… Wrong.

Personally, I see them more as rivals. They aren’t really friends, but they will work together if they need to. That said they don’t always get along and that can make for some interesting stories. This theory gets further merit thanks to the episode Magic Duel, in which Twilight ends up making Trixie a friend. Not a great friend, but is able to at least forgive her for the crap she does in that story.

And that’s kind of where today’s story goes. Sort of… You’ll see when we get there. Believe me, it’s a roller coaster ride. So, let’s dig into Unlikely Allies by Thunder Tempest and see if Twilight and Trixie can put aside their differences for something other than sex.

Again, if you haven’t read this story yet and you would like to, turn back now. As for the rest of you.

We start our story in Ponyville where Twilight is singing about the wonderful day that is about to happen, when suddenly she is tackled to the ground by Trixie.

Well, that sure didn’t take long. Alright, let’s get this clop fic started.

Okay, I kid, what actually happens is that Trixie arrives and ask Twilight for some help in saving Equestria. Twilight is at first suspicious, rightfully so since Trixie grabs you by your tail and drags you out of town, but Twilight eventually does agree to go with Trixie to see if they can solve whatever problem Trixie is worried about.

So Trixie and Twilight travel for… three days?! Wait, and Twilight never once asked what kind of problem they are dealing with?! Okay, Twilight says that she admits that Trixie didn’t tell her, but come on! Three days and you are just going to buy whatever Trixie says! I know it’s for the good of Equestria (so, Trixie says anyway), but I’d think after the first day, I’d be demanding some serious explanations! I guess, Twilight is just too stupid to think that.

Anyway, Trixie gives Twilight a cape and tells her to cover up her wings, so that whatever they are supposed to do will think Twilight is a unicorn instead of an alicorn. And as we will see, it makes no sense.

Twilight sends a message back to Spike at the library.

‘Gone to save Equestria with Trixie. Also gone to save Equestria from Trixie. Be back next week. Twilight Sparkle.’

Wait, how do you know it will be a week? And for that matter, wouldn’t you rather tell Celestia to follow you or give you some kind of backup? You said yourself that Trixie is not that trustworthy.

So, they make their way to some dark castle where it is revealed why they are here. Trixie explains that the castle belongs to Lord Umbra and they are here to defeat him. Why? … Yeah, that’s not really explained.

And Twilight buys this rather easily. She doesn’t even ask Trixie why she wants this Lord Umbra taken down or even what he has done to deserve it. How are we supposed to relate to Twilight choice here if we aren’t given a reason as to why she should waste her time with this?

For that matter, why should we agree with any of Twilight’s choices or Trixie’s motivations? We know nothing about either situation. Twilight doesn’t ask the questions that she should be asking, in order to find out more about what is going on. I thought Twilight prided herself on her intellect and knowledge. Why would she not ask questions referring to a situation she knows nothing about?

And what about Trixie? What’s her motivation for bringing Twilight along? Why is she after Lord Umbra? Why all the secrecy?

Neither character’s choices are relatable or make any sense.

So they make their way inside and start to bicker back and forth between each other. I can understand Trixie because she is kind of a show off, but I would think Twilight would focus on the task at hand (hoof in this case) or more importantly, why the hell she is there to begin with?!

“There are other ways of being invisible, Sparkle,” shot back Trixie.

Indeed. A magic invisible Kangaroo will do just fine.

“And I suppose you’re as familiar with them as you are, say, breaking into ponies’ houses and breaking the law?”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie never technically committed a crime, Sparkle. She was simply very persuasive.”

Yeah, technically you did. As far as I know, slavery and oppression are abolished in Equestria. And even if you don’t count those, terrorism certainly is!

And don’t give me this crap about the Alicorn Amulet did some mind control. That never happened. Trixie was rotten before that. Maybe not as rotten, but certainly rotten.

“how did you even get into Celestia’s school in the first place? They don’t accept anypony with a previous criminal record.”

Wait, so Trixie had a criminal record before she met Twilight? Before she learned school magic? So she was a criminal at Twilight’s age when she started school? That she’s got a juvenile record? I got to say that’s a little hard to swallow. I mean, I know she was kind of a show off, but there was nothing to indicate that she might have done this when she was young. And look at that cute little filly.

Does that look like the face of a juvenile delinquent? … Don’t say yes.

They start to travel through the castle and they continue to bicker back and forth.

“I still think that you’re going to get us caught in...whatever this is, Trixie. You don’t even have a basic ‘Don’t Notice Me’ spell on you!”

“Trixie has done this before, Sparkle.”

“Yes, illegally,” said Twilight, and Trixie sighed.

Wait… how do you cast spells illegally? Unless, you are referring to her criminal record, that is never explained or explored upon! Unless you count the time she enslaved Ponyville, but even then where does the ‘Don’t Notice Me’ spell fit in! All she did was boast about her wanting to be noticed! You keep teasing us with her criminal record, but based on what I’m seeing, it doesn’t add up! If there is something you’ve added, explore upon it!

“At least I have previous skills that are applicable to this situation, Sparkle. Have you never had to creep into a villain’s hideout to disable his evil master plan before, brickhorn?”

“Have you?”

Yes, you have Twilight! Remember Sombra?! I know a lot of fans didn’t like him, but come on, he’s not that forgettable! God, he attacked your sister in law and your brother and you don’t even remember him! Maybe he is the worst MLP villain ever created.

Tell you what, you get more than 5 lines in two episodes and I’ll call you the best villain in all of fiction.

So we get some insight into Trixie learning about Twilight apparently growing a little more snarky and sarcastic attitude. Because I’m sure that proves important to the plot and not just a convenient way for Twilight to argue pointlessly with Trixie, instead of focusing on her task like she probably should.

Anyway, they move through the castle and finally something happens. One of the pipes in the castle ruptures and causes a flood in the hallway. They are swept up in it and Trixie learns an important fact

‘Huh,’ she thought, ‘Who knew alicorns weigh a lot more than normal ponies?’

I hope you all caught that. That is the very important fact and is very crucial to the story. The most crucial element of the whole story. The story would fall apart without this single world changing fact.

The water pushes them outside the tower, effectively putting them right back where we started, making their whole trip inside the tower completely pointless since we still don’t know anything about Lord Umbra and know nothing about why Trixie wants to defeat him.

We only know that Lord Umbra wants to destroy/conquer Equestria for some reason that is never fully explained and that Trixie has a criminal record which is also never explained.

Wow, we are learnding lots today.

They then get attacked by a couple of beasts. What kind of beasts you might ask?

Why this kind!

Wait, that’s not the one… How about this one?

No… No… that doesn’t seem right either… Um… Oh, I know. This one!

Yes, that is definitely the one! That is definitely it!

No, he actually does give as a description of the thing… Two paragraphs later, but that’s more effort than has actually shown up so far.

Indeed, the creatures stalking around the courtyard were a combination of lion, eagle and what looked like a wolf for a head, with red eyes that glowed like hot metal pulled form a fire, and this glow was evident all down the creature’s bodies, seemingly tracing along the surface veins, making it seem like the creatures had been glued together with magic, rather than being one single entity.

I now know Lord Umbra’s evil plan! He is making fan made Pokemon! Pokemon with three types! He won’t get away with this!

So, Twilight quickly casts an invisibility spell to conceal them, but as they make their way to sneak around the creature, Twilight’s spell conveniently dissipates for no reason.

Oh, Twilight. You stupid unicorn. You clearly have no idea how to use magic, even though you have clearly demonstrated on multiple occasions that you are one of the most powerful unicorns in all of Equestria and have mastered spells that are probably far more complex than an invisibility spell. You are such a stupid unicorn.

We then get to meet Lord Umbra, who, it turns out, is bored with Princess Celestia’s peaceful rule. Yep… That’s it. That’s the backstory of our villain. He decided to become a super villain, because he was fucking bored. He just woke up one day and said, “Here’s an idea. Me as a super villain! I’ll have an evil layer and an arch-nemesis and it’ll be so much fun!”

He is said to have research forbidden magic of Tartarus (something that we never see) and even built a Fortress of Darkness for himself that is completely impenetrable. And just how impenetrable is it? Why it is so impenetrable that two unicorns can easily make their way through it just by teleporting in!

Wait…

It should be noted at this point that Lord Umbra is a bit delusional.

Thank you for telling us that he is delusional. It’s not like you can actually show him being delusional and that actually would convince us to think, “Hmm… clearly this individual is delusional.” Nope, we just have to take your word for it.

His servant comes up to him and delivers the bad news.

“Lord Umbra,” began the pony with a stutter, “we seem to have a problem. It seems that two unicorns have managed to infiltrate the Fortress of Darkness.”

Lord Umbra: What?! You mean that they infiltrated my impenetrable fortress?! I specifically asked for the impenetrable fortress package! It was Bowser recommended!

“Minion, I need the Box of Darkness!”

Lord Umbra: You know, because I’m evil I have a Box of Darkness. And don’t forget about the Dresser of Despair that has my Alarm Clock of Death! Oh, and make sure you get Destroyer, the Malevolent Teddy Bear!

Those eyes will steal your soul!

Yeah, if you haven’t guessed by now, Umbra’s just kind of a joke villain. He’s not threatening and is incompetent and over all just kind of annoying. It wouldn’t be so bad if he was actually funny, but he’s just not all that entertaining.

He finds the two unicorns (even though Twilight is an alicorn at this point, but whatever) arguing over Starswirl the Bearded and whether or not he was a great magic weaver or some crap like that.

After his minions get beaten, he orders his servant to send Cerberus at them.

Meanwhile, Trixie and Twilight still focus on arguing rather than trying to figure out what is going on. Umbra attacks them with his powerful Cerberus and a Tatzlwurm (not that we are actually told that. I had to look up the freaking name), which Twilight and Trixie take out rather easily, making it completely underwhelming.

Then Lord Umbra casts a spell that knocks out both Twilight and Trixie in one blast. … Let me see if I got this straight… Twilight and Trixie, who just manage to wipe out an army of Chimera things, who manage to beat a Cerberus and Tatzlwurm with no challenge whatsoever… and you expect me to believe that this… Lord Umbra, whoever the fuck he is, is able to knock them both out without breaking a sweat.

Are you fucking kidding me?! There’s “Your villain is badass” and then there is “Completely contrived storytelling!”

I’m sorry, but I have a hard time buying this! You can’t just introduce a character out of nowhere, give him no backstory and then tell us that he is powerful enough to take out Twilight and Trixie with no rhyme or reason! Especially if it is forced like in this story! Yes, he’s studied Tartarus magic, but Twilight has studied Starswirl the Bearded’s spells! Hell, she made her own spell! How did this guy take her out without breaking a sweat?!

Anyway, they wake up in captivity and Lord Umbra places a magic suppressor around Twilight and Trixie’s horn, making their magic completely useless.

However, we soon discover that because Twilight is an alicorn, she can still use her magic, because the magic suppressor is only useful against unicorns.

Now, some of you might think that this is INCREDIBLY contrived and that it doesn’t make a lick of sense, since I don’t think transforming somepony into an alicorn completely changes their magical structure. And some of you might think that this is an incredibly forced way to get them out of this situation instead of actually using their brains to get out of this mess and therefore not being all that dramatic but actually really anti-climatic

And some of you might think that, it was incredibly FORCED that Trixie gave Twilight a cape, not knowing that Lord Umbra would have magical suppressors that only worked on unicorns and not alicorns and since the cape proved to be absolutely useless except up to this point, in which it was EXTREMELY convenient that Twilight had it and that Umbra didn’t look underneath the cape at any point while he was moving them to his prison cell and that the wings under no circumstances were exposed in anyway while Twilight was unconscious.

And… you’d be right on the money.

Twilight tries to remove Trixie’s magical suppressor, but it turns out it can only be removed by the pony who put it there. That’s not forced at all! So, Trixie digs into her hat and pulls out a couple of lock picks to get themselves out of the situation, even though Twilight could easily break them out of the chains with her magic.

And here is the number 1 problem with this story. This story is all just one big love letter to Trixie. Trixie is smart! Trixie is great! Trixie is the best! All bow down to Trixie! Everything about this story is to make Trixie look good! And it does that by making Twilight Sparkle look incompetent!

Twilight isn’t the one who discovers Umbra. That’s Trixie. Twilight isn’t the one who finds her way into Umbra’s lair. That’s Trixie. Twilight’s spell fails when it is convenient for the enemy. Not Trixie’s. Twilight isn’t the one who gets them out of the chains, even though Twilight could easily get them out. It’s Trixie! It’s not Trixie admitting that Twilight is helpful. It’s Twilight admitting that Trixie is better than her!

You kind of see the problem with this story?! God, this is twice in a row that we’ve had love letters to Trixie! I know she’s a popular character, but Jesus Christ people!

Anyway, the escape the chains and make their way deeper into the lair of Lord Umbra, so they can force him to free Trixie, so she can save the day. Oh, I’m sorry. The Great and Powerful Trixie!

They make their way to his room where they find Minion.

Yeah, that really limits the job choices for that kid, doesn’t it? Seriously, who names their kid Minion? Are you just asking them to join up with an evil mastermind?!

Minion tells them that he no longer works for Lord Umbra… for vaguely explained reasons… and manages to release the locks off of Twilight… Oh I’m sorry, The Weak and Stupid Twilight Sparkle and the Great and Powerful Trixie.

We cut to Lord Umbra who is going over his goals of taking over Equestria.

“Maybe that everypony should only eat asparagus for lunch? Or perhaps that each town must have a temple to me? So many choices,” muttered the unicorn to himself, “Or maybe both? Or maybe a temple to asparagus...yes. They can eat asparagus and proclaim their love for me, their Overlord.”

And every Friday shall be funny hat day! I’m so evil!

But he is interrupted by a pair of voices coming from the hallway, arguing about how the Weak and Stupid Twilight Sparkle got her wings. Apparently, the Great and Powerful Trixie and the Weak and Stupid Twilight Sparkle are Total Fucking Morons!

They burst into the room and find out that Lord Umbra is readying his plan to take over Equestria and they start laughing after it is revealed that Umbra is suffering from Napoleon Complex.

“This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen. He’s more pathetic than you were, Trixie!” said Twilight, once she could speak again.

Oh, that is so like Twilight Sparkle. Insulting others who are weaker than her. You are so in character there, Twilight.

Say, you know what else is in character for her? Making fun of Fluttershy! Yeah, because clearly Twilight cares nothing for Fluttershy!

I mean Twilight would totally say how useless and weak and helpless and stupid Fluttershy is!

Hey, how about we have Twilight make fun of Applejack next?! That’s completely in her character!

Yeah, Twilight doesn’t give a fuck about Applejack. After all, Applejack’s just a stupid apple pony, right? And Twilight surely knows that! Hell, I’m surprised Twilight hasn’t kicked her out of the friendship ring yet!

Hey, you know what else would be totally in character with Twilight?! Making fun of Spike, of course!

I mean, pfft, they are ONLY an inseparable team! Twilight has ONLY raised him from birth! Spike has ONLY show his loyalty by risking his life by going to a world with only humans and a chance that he’ll never come home again. But… other than that, yeah, Spike isn’t worth shit…

Have I made my point yet?

Anyway, they attack Lord Umbra and manage to defeat him. Again, I ask how did Umbra beat them the first time?!

They take Umbra to Canterlot with the two bickering that if Trixie was an alicorn that Trixie would win and that Twilight is cheating and Trixie is so much better than Twilight, because she is Great and Powerful and Blah, fucking blah!

This story sucks! It’s certainly better than some others I’ve reviewed, but dear lord is it littered with problems.

The descriptions are weak at best. The fight scenes are decent, but everything else leaves something to be desired. We never get to see what the castle looks like, even though we spend the whole fucking story inside it!

The plot is completely contrived to make Trixie look good, even though it makes no sense! For example, how in the world did Trixie know about Umbra’s plan to rule Equestria, when nopony else knew about it and Trixie never explained how or why she knew about it?!

Why the hell did Trixie go to Twilight if she was more than capable of stopping his plan on her own?! Did she try and fail?! If so, that’s never explained!

Why did Trixie give Twilight a cape to disguise her as a unicorn?! That’s never made relevant until they are actually captured! And there is no way that Trixie could have known that Umbra not only possessed such magic suppression devices, but that they would only work on unicorns!

Why did Twilight wait so damn long to ask Trixie about Umbra and how she knew anything about it?!

What the hell was Umbra’s plan to take over Equestria?! We know he had one, but what did it involve?! What goals did he have?! How was he going to accomplish those goals?! How did he learn magic from Tartarus?! How did he get creatures from Tartarus to follow him?! Why was Minion working for him?! How did he get a castle for himself?! What the hell was in the Box of Darkness that made it so important?!

And worst of all, Twilight acts nothing like herself in the entire story! He changed Twilight from her kind self into this overly-competitive bitch! I could maybe see Rainbow Dash acting like this, but Twilight? Come fucking on! This story is a mess and I couldn’t find any enjoyment in it! It’s trying to be funny, but overall, it just doesn’t work because it is undermined by the author caring more about kissing Trixie’s ass than telling a good story. Have a great day guys.

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A knock came at the door. The Critique sighed as he rose from his spot on the ground. “The library is closed!” he shouted.

The knock came at the door again, as if insisting on him answering. The Critique rolled his eyes and made his way to the door. Jesus Christ, can’t a stallion get some peace and quiet around here?! He placed his hoof on the door and slowly opened it.

“I said the library is-!”

As soon as the door slid open, a white hoof collided with his face sending him stumbling to the ground. His jaw tingled as he hit the ground. He held his jaw as he turned his body around, looking up to his assailant. His blurred vision could make out a figure standing on two legs with a large golden horn at the top of his head.

The figure took a step towards him. “You are the Critique?”

The Critique shook his head, clearing his vision. He noticed that the figure in front of him was a pony, but it was standing on two legs. He had wings at his back, like an alicorn.

“What the hell?!” Critique shouted, rising to his feet. “What do you want?! Who the hell are you?!”

The figure tilted his head slightly upward. “I am Unicornicopia citizen AO01. My name is Lightning Dawn.” He pointed his hoof at the Critique. “And I have come to end your reign of terror.”

Critique took a step back. “What the hell are you talking about?!”

A voice came from the ceiling. “Sir, I am activating defensive measures.”

Critique glanced up at the ceiling with a smirk. “Relax, Computer. I’ve got this.”

“Sir-“

Critique glared at his opponent. “I said I got this.” Lightning took a step towards Critique and swung his hoof at his face. Critique ducked out of its path. Critique quickly countered with a swing of his hoof into Lightning’s chin.

Lightning simply replied by swing another blow at Critique, hitting him in the chin. Critique nearly toppled over, but was stopped by Lightning’s hooves as they grabbed his face. With a swift strike, Lightning drove his knee into the Critique’s chin.

Critique could feel a cold liquid come from his gums as his chin felt as if a mountain had rammed into it. It tingled his tongue as the taste of blood began to fill his mouth.  Before his body could react, he felt another hoof hit his chin, sending him straight to the ground.

His blurred vision was made worst by the sudden disappearance of his glasses. He traveled his mind, trying to discover at what point he lost them. However, he came up with no answers. Instead, he abandoned them and focused on his opponent who was sneaking up behind him.

With a sudden burst of speed, Critique delivered a swift buck to Lightning’s chest, causing him to stumble backwards.

As his opponent picked himself back up, Critique took the moment to glance around the floor, hoping to spot his glasses. The wooden planks on the floor looked as if they were merging together, with no clarity to them, almost like looking through a dirty window. Within a second, he found a pair of black oval objects strung together by what looked like black wiring.

He placed his hoof on the glasses. Before he could place them on his face, he looked up to see Lightning standing over him, his hoof preparing to attack.

However, just as Lightning’s hoof started to come down, a long gray arm appeared from the wall catching Lightning’s arm. Lightning struggled against his grunting as he pulled forward. Another arm appeared from the wall catching another one of Lightning’s limbs. Two more appeared from the wall, gripping Lightning’s legs.

He struggled against the mechanical arms as Critique placed his glasses over his eyes once more, clearing his vision. “I was handling it!” he shouted.

“Clearly,” Computer responded. “That’s why you are bleeding all over my nice, clean floor.”

Critique wiped the blood away from his lips and looked down to the ground to see spots of blood on the floor. He raised his eyebrow as he stood up to his feet. Critique gave a confident smile as a chuckle. “Not so tough when you’re restrained, huh?”

Lightning struggled against the mechanical arms, grunting violently with each jerky motion. Finally, he gave a deep breath as his horn started to glow. He let out a cry as the horn released a powerful wave of energy.

Critique’s eyes widened as he watched the mechanical arms shatter at the amount of force. The wave flew into the Critique’s body, sending him soaring across the room and into one of the bookshelves. He toppled to the ground as several books fell on top of him, burying him.

His body tingled as he attempted to move. Every movement he made felt as if a knife was being dug into his body. Every breath he took made it feel worse. He pulled himself out of the pile of books, looking up at his opponent. “What the hell was that?!”

“Unknown, sir,” Computer replied. “A powerful magical force coming from his horn. Very potent magic.”

Critique looked up to the ceiling, raising his eyebrow. “No shit.”

Lightning took a step forward. “You don’t stand a chance against the power of the Uniforce.”

Critique slowly picked himself up off the ground, taking in a deep breath. “What the hell do you want from me?”

Lightning flapped his wings and took to the air above Critique. “I have come to end your threat against my people.”

Critique shook his head. “Threat against your people?” He flailed his forelegs up to the air. “Dude, I don’t even know you!”

Lightning dove for the Critique with incredibly speed. Critique dove forward, avoiding Lightning’s attack. Critique lifted a book from the floor and tossed it at Lightning. Lightning blocked the oncoming book with his wing, covering his body.

Critique ran to the kitchen. “Computer, shut down all lights!”

With that, the lights in the library were shut down, leaving only darkened shapes. He made his way under the table at the center of the kitchen. “Computer, call the police! Tell them I’ve got a psychopath trying to kill me!”

“I’ve been trying, sir,” Computer replied.

Critique’s mouth dropped as his eyes widened. “What do you mean ‘you’ve been trying’?”

“Something is preventing me from sending any messages out of the building. Our signal is being jammed.”

Critique grunted in frustration as he heard hoof steps clicking against the wooden floor. “Hiding in the dark like a coward?” Lightning’s voice pierced through the darkness.

Critique curled up in a ball under the table, waiting for Lightning to unwittingly pass him. A hoof step was heard approaching him. Followed by another. Then another. Finally, the sound was only a few feet ahead of him. He could feel his heart racing inside his chest, thundering like a drum going 100 miles per hour.

The steps continued pass the table as if he didn’t suspect. Critique snuck out from under the table, carefully monitoring his movements, making sure that he didn’t make a sound. He felt around the floor, hoping that he would soon come upon the cabinets just across from him. He scurried quietly across the floor until he finally reached the cabinets.

He quietly opened them, feeling around inside for anything he might be able to use. He felt around, praying for a weapon. After a few seconds, he found something. A handle that curved out and straightened into a long point. He smiled as his mind came up with his plan to win this fight.

“Computer, turn on the lights!” Critique yelled as he rose to his feet, pulling out his weapon.

The lights flashed on as Critique pointed his ‘weapon’ at Lightning. The Critique’s sinister smile transformed into a disappointed frown as he pulled the trigger on the device he held in his hooves. Instead of spraying bullets, it spun the mixer whisks as if it was mixing invisible pancake batter.

There was a deafening silence as Lightning raised his eyebrow in confusion. Critique simply stood, his mind still comprehending what had happened. He blinked for several seconds. Then with all his might, he tossed the mixer at Lightning.

Lightning quickly blocked the mixer with his wing. Critique darted to the other room while his opponent was distracted.

But it was only for a moment.

Lightning appeared from the kitchen, cornering Critique back in the library. “I’ve had enough of these games!” Lightning revealed a small rod with the colors of the rainbow scattered throughout it. “Magic of the Rainbow, my faith burns bright! To vanquish the evil, in rainbow’s light!”

He pointed the rod at the Critique. “RAINBOW FORCE!” his voice echoed as if to be overdramatic anime style.

A beam of multicolored lights emerged from the rod, flying straight towards Critique. He raised his foreleg to his forehead and closed his eyes tightly. His mind raced as he could feel the beam brush against his body. A thundering noise came to his ears, like a sonic boom right at his eardrums. I’m dead! This is it! I’m dead!

He waited a few moments as the sound died down and the beam began to dissipate from his body. He opened his eyes to see his foreleg still in front of him. He looked down to his body and noted that his other foreleg was still attached. He checked behind him to see his hind legs still attached. A gleeful expression burst across his face. “I’m alive!” he shouted. “I’m alive!” He then frowned as he raised his eyebrow. “How am I alive?”

Lightning looked down to his rod, his mouth wide open. “How is this possible? The Rainbow Rod has to power to destroy any evil being?!”

Critique smiled and pointed at Lightning. “Ha, ha!”

Lightning glared at Critique as his horn started to glow. He tilted his head downward and fired a beam of light at Critique.

Critique yelped and ducked out of the beams path. The beam caused an explosion at it hit the wall behind him. Critique looked behind him to see a hole in the wall of the building. His heart started to sink as his thought of what that would do to his body if it hit him directly. His imagination pictured his head simply vanishing from his neck, as if it was never there to begin with. Sweat began to perspire from his face as he quickly dove for the other side of the room.

He shouted. “Computer, shut down the lights!”

Again, darkness concealed his movements as he entered another room. He waited until he heard the coming hoofsteps of Lightning. “You think you can hide from me?!”

Just as Critique predicted, Lightning marched up to the last place he saw him. Lightning entered the doorway and slowly approached the interior of the room. Critique clung close to the wall, trying to take a little space as possible in the tiny room. Critique felt Lightning slowly trot past him. With that, Critique made his move and dove out of the room with as much speed as he could muster.

“Hey!” Lightning shouted as he heard the Critique behind him. Critique quickly placed his hooves on the door and slammed it shut, locking it with Lightning still inside the small room. “Let me out!” Lightning cried as he tackled the door.

Critique wiped his brow and smiled. “Problem solved.”

“Sir, you locked him in a closet.”

Critique smiled and made his way to a small device on the ground. “Relax, Computer. I have the situation all under control.”

He flipped the device over and switched it on as a list of numbers appeared on the screen. He pressed the number 911 and held it up to his ear, but all he could hear was a long steady tone. “Damn, still nothing.”

“I did tell you, sir. Do you only listen to some of the things I say?” Critique heard a pounding on the door, assuming that Lightning was still assaulting the door. “Such as; that door will not hold him.”

Critique scoffed. “Relax, Computer, nothing is going to-“

“UNIFORCE!” Lightning’s voice echoed from behind the door.

Critique’s heart dropped into his chest as his eyes widened. “Shit!” He dove for the ground, putting his body as low on the ground as possible. The door and the wall connected to it burst forward as a bright light shined into the room. The rubble flew past Critique at a high speed, hitting the ground with powerful thuds.

Critique’s body shook as he slowly turned around as he watched the shape of Lightning march through the doorway. He quickly picked himself up off the ground as he made a mad dash for the other side of the room. However, as he moved, the floor squeaked beneath him, giving away his position. He heard the sound of Lightning announcing his attack as a bright beam entered the room.

Critique leaped forward as far as his legs would allow him, hoping to avoid the blast. The blast hit the floor just behind him. However, the floor began to crumble around the blast sight, causing the floor beneath and in front of him give way. He felt gravity grab his body and pull him straight down until his chest rammed into a solid floor beneath him.

His chest flared as he slowly moved to his feet, groaning in misery as he moved. “What the hell happened?” he whispered.

A barely audible sound then came from his phone as it started to glow. “You are in the basement , sir.”

Critique reached for his phone and picked it up. He raised his eyebrow. “We have a basement?”

“I am as surprised as you are, sir,” Computer’s voice came from the phone. “It is not any blueprint I have of the building.”

A booming sound was heard from upstairs as the word ‘Uniforce’ was repeated. Critique rolled his eyes as the word echoed in the room.

“Sir, if this keeps up, the building will no doubt collapse.”

Critique scoffed. “Computer, the building collapsing is the least of my-.“ He paused. He then put his hoof to his chin and shut his mouth. He tapped on it for a moment and smiled. “I have an idea.”

As if sensing his thoughts, the Computer spoke, “You realize that is an incredibly dangerous plan?”

He looked down to his phone. “If you have a better plan, I’m open to suggestions.”

There was silence. Critique shut the light off from his phone and held it tight in his hooves. “Then keep me posted on the structural integrity of the library.”

He started to climb the rubble pilling up to the main floor, hoping that his hooves wouldn’t be cut by anything sharp as he fiddled his way in the darkness. He crawled up stack, carefully monitoring his movements. He reached a solid platform, which he assumed was the floor and crawled his way to all fours.

He took a deep breath as he slowly backed away from the hole, hoping to get his bearings. He felt the floor around him, but was still unable to tell what part of the room he was facing. He shook his head as a thought came into his mind to give him a brief glance into the room. Yeah, but then I’ll give away my position. And without knowing where he is, I could be in big trouble.

He scanned his mind for any alternative move, but none came. Finally, he gave in to the risk. He pointed his phone forward and allowed the light to shine. It quickly revealed that he was in the northern part of the room. A part he was very familiar with. However, he heard the sound of his opponent’s voice fill the air.

“There you are!”

Critique turned upward to see Lightning hovering over him, his horn glowing with the same menacing glow. “UNIFORCE!”

Critique quickly shut off his phone as he dove forward, avoiding the blast. The shockwave sent him soaring to the other side of the room, straight into the wall. He slid straight to the floor with a thud. He slowly picked himself up, taking a moment to breathe in deeply. He ignored the pain flaring in his chest as he took in each breath. Come on, Critique. Stay conscious.

He got back on his feet and shook his head, trying to rid himself of the dizziness that plagued him. He felt his knees wobble as he struggled to stay upright.

He then heard the sound of Lightning tapping against the wooden floor. “Where are you?” he cried out.

Critique smiled as he looked in the direction of the voice. “Hey, Lightning Dumb! Over here!”

“Don’t call me that!” Lightning’s voice called out. “UNIFORCE!”

The same energy beam launched at Critique, but this time he was ready. He rushed to his left with as much speed as his legs could give him. However, he overestimated himself, being caught in the shockwave. It sent him soaring several feet forward. Damn legs. Got to move faster.

He shook his head, trying to cure the stinging at the base of his skull. He slithered across the floor, desperately focusing all his efforts on keeping quiet. He crawled across the floor until he reached what he felt was another wall. He slowly started to rise to his feet, his knees shaking as if there was an earthquake inside them. When he was on his feet, he mentally prepared himself to make a mad dash for his left.

“Do you always have to shout out your attacks before you attack?! What are you?!Sailor Moon?! All you need is the skirt!”

Critique only had to wait a second for Lightning to speak. “UNIFORCE!” With those words, Critique used every ounce of strength in his legs to dive for the safety of the south wall.

The beam caused another explosion. Critique felt confident as he ran, feeling that he escaped the shockwave. However, one of his legs gave way and caused him to topple to the ground. The shockwave then picked him up and tossed him against the far bookshelf on the south side. Critique felt several books fall on top of him, causing misery to his already beaten body.

Shit! he cried to himself as a sharp jolt of pain flared from his hind leg. He knew he wouldn’t be able to get another run from that leg. He growled under his breath as he slowly put pressure on his legs. He started with his front legs, they wobbled, but the pain was bearable. He attempted the first hind leg. Like the front legs, it was uneasy to stand on, but he could stand. And finally his last hind leg. As soon as he placed pressure on it, he collapsed to the ground.

“Sir, the building is close to collapsing. Another blast should do it,” Computer relayed.

His mind played the scenario in his head. As soon as Lightning fired, he wouldn’t be able to get out of the way and would be fried. Or he would get out of the way, but wouldn’t make it out of the library in time.

The overwhelming feeling of despair crawled into his heart. Maybe if I can… just surrender… Maybe… Maybe he’ll let me live.

He placed his head on the ground, a tear coming down his face. Maybe I can cut a deal with him…

His mind then conjured another thought. If I surrender, he’ll kill me anyway…

He placed his front legs on the ground firmly and rose up as slowly as he could. Might as well take him with me.

“You know! You’re a pathetic little pony!” Critique shouted.

Even though he couldn’t see Lightning’s reaction, his words spoke of his glaring face. “I’m not a pony! I’m a unicorn!”

Critique gave a slight smirk as he dove forward with as much force as his good legs could give him.

“UNIFORCE!”

Critique briefly saw a shining light come from directly in front of him. He briefly saw Lightning’s face as his horn started to glow. Critique looked directly below him and saw the gap to the basement directly below him. He closed his eyes, praying to Celestia he made it. He felt gravity pull his body down and felt a sharp pain come at his chest as a thundering boom passed overhead.

A loud crash exploded in the room above. A crackling of wood echoed above Critique followed by the snapping of wood, finishing with Lightning’s scream.

With a few seconds passing of the three terrifying sounds crashing against one another, there was suddenly silence. Critique opened his eyes and looked around. He could scarcely see, but he believed himself to be in the basement. He looked down to his phone. “Computer,” he whispered.

“The structural integrity of the building has failed. Our enemy was inside the library when it collapsed.”

Critique gave a deep sigh of relief as he laid his head against the ground. “Call the police, please.”

“Already done. They are on their way now,” Computer replied.

Critique smiled. “Computer, make a note. We are getting a gun."

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Lightning was defeated. He could scarcely believe his eyes. His apprentice, the one he could trust to perform any task, was defeated by a mere pony. His eyes narrowed as he watched the Equestrian Princess of the Night arrived, taking custody of his soldier. No doubt to interrogate him on what he knows.

But he knew his soldier would not talk. He was certain of it.

"Looks like your apprentice didn't do so hot?" Thunder taunted as he entered the room.

The Grand Ruler closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Clearly, I overestimated my soldier's ability to believe." He turned to Thunder and frowned. "Just as I underestimated that pony's intellect."

He looked back at the screen. "Something I will not repeat."

Thunder gave a grin. "And that's why you're sending me, isn't it?" His eyes started to glow as electricity flowed from his hooves and throughout his body.

The Grand Ruler nodded. "Take your time with this one. I will not repeat my mistakes. Remember to believe."

Thunder scoffed. "Relax, I can handle this amateur." He made his way to the exit. "When I'm done with him, he'll be nothing a charred skin and a memory."

The Grand Ruler smiled as Thunder's hoof steps started to disappear into the hallway, feeling Thunder's confidence. If Thunder's confidence was any sign, than he had nothing to worry about. Thunder would finish what his apprentice started.