An act of vengeance is a gift, take it and spread it around. Welcome to Ponyville.

I would like to start today off with a warning. Beware of stop signs. As we all know fourteen ponies die each year due to stop sign attacks, and that ponies are a stop sign's main food source. Experts advise that the next time you see a stop sign, stop and stand still for 30 seconds and then pray that the stop sign moves on. If the stop sign is still there after the 30 seconds of motionless standing, then it is time for you to run screaming for you life as the stop sign has chosen you to be its next victim. The town council advises all citizens to carry a firearm at all times in the event of a stop sign encounter or if you are greeted by a very annoying relative.

Now before we get to the news I have been asked by the town council to make a friendly reminder to stay clear of town hall today as there are still earth ponies rallying there for equal treatment. About half of the crowd has transformed into strange pulsating cocoons, and they don't seem to be stopping anytime soon. Granny Smith still has yet to finish her speech, and until she does the earth ponies will continue their protest. This is now officially the record for longest speech given at town hall, taking the title from Pony Joe who spoke for 27 hours about nothing worth remembering.

And now for our main story, the military governess is inviting everypony to stop on by the library for a special event known as the "Taze a Librarian" fundraiser special. Adult tickets are seven bits and kids twelve and under get in for free. All profits will be going towards the Ponyville's Construction Organization to help replace the lost souls initially confused with bricks with real bricks. Bring your kids to the library to what is sure to be a family bonding experience. Now we all know that there is only one librarian in Ponyville, that being the detestable Twilight Sparkle, so you are more than likely going to have to wait in line, so be sure to bring something to help pass the time as you wait for your turn.

Shocking news from the Ponyville bowling alley as it appears that somepony has stolen all of the pins from the lanes late last night, while leaving a mysterious message on the wall saying "A Dozen Pins From a Dozen Lanes, How Many Am I?" This is undoubtably the work of the former vigilante, The Mathed Crusader, who had previously robbed a grocery store of a bag of vitamins on sunday last week. Police investigators spent this morning looking for hoofprints at the bowling alley to no avail as the Mathed Crusader appears to have left not one bit of evidence at the scene of the crime. If you have any information regarding the crime or the Mathed Crusader himself please contact the military police by leaving a flowery scented letter on your doormat, a special agent will be there to collect the letter the moment you blink or look away. If you see the Mathed Crusader I cannot advise you to approach him as he is more irritating then you could possibly imagine.

And now for a word from our sponsor. Have you ever wanted to be something else other than a pony? Does being an equine no longer interest you? Do you feel like a bee trapped in a pony body? Do you feel like you cannot find peace in a world that is dominated by deadlines and bills? Did you brush your teeth today? Why do leaves have such a short lifespan? Are you alone? Are you sure? Is that ghostly filly in the nightgown still watching you at night? Do you still hear the screams of loved ones long dead in your dreams? Do you see their blood oozing from the walls whenever you walk into a room? Do spirits take the place of your reflection in the mirror? McDonalds. I'm lovin' it.

And now for an update of the Vacuum Crisis in Ponyville. It is estimated that thirty ponies have died already in vacuum related attacks. The military police have begun establishing road blocks on Cherry Drive, Sunday Road, and Huckleberry Lane in order to slow down the vacuum's bloody push for territorial expansion. All citizens are advised to avoid these streets as the military police have been given a kill on sight order for all sentient creatures in the area. All areas surrounding these road blocks are to be evacuated within the hour. The town council  has asked for all ponies to be on the lookout for the following: Park slides, Sofa cushions, raw meat, chocolate bunnies, chocolate pandas, fascism, and propane byproducts. If you see one of these things, contact the town council immediately as its most likely a vacuum in disguise.

The newest mascot for the fillies soccer team was accidentally hit with a soccer ball during practice today, and apparently doubled in size as a result. The Pineapple's spiky skin has now grown into massive, jagged thorns big enough to impale a fully grown pony. This was confirmed by our intern, Noteworthy, who was dropped onto the pineapple in a freak trampoline accident. Some parents are becoming concerned that perhaps the pineapple is too dangerous to keep around the soccer field. A petition has been going around to remove the pineapple, but it has encountered stiff resistance from the team's coach, who in an interview said "I am not about to kick off an important member of the team just because of one accidental murder. I believe it would be far worse for our fillies to lose such a valuable friend and mascot because of these ridiculously strict safety regulations." He also mention that they probably wouldn't be able to move the darn thing, as it now weighs close to four tons, even if they tried. Some parents say that they will continue to work on the new uniform for the Pineapple, despite the controversy over it, and the fact that the uniform will have to be remodeled to fit a Pineapple twice the size as before. They are still welcoming help from anypony who is not Rarity.

On a related subject, to the friends and family of intern Noteworthy. I am truly, truly sorry for your loss, and all of us from the radio station will be joining you in mourning his passing. Noteworthy was a great intern, and a greater friend. He will be missed.

Everything is going well at the "Taze a Librarian" fundraiser special as a line of ponies has formed outside the library door and has begun to stretch around the block. Maybe it's the festive decorations or the live musical performance by DJ Pon3, but everypony there seems to be in very high spirits. Other performers like Juggling Jonny and Fiddlesticks were there to entertain all the parents and kids as they wait for their turn in line. We managed to get an interview from one mare as her son was taking his turn with the taser gun, she said "It's been such a fun time for all of us, in fact, we had such a great time that we got back in line and did it again." And listeners, I was just as surprised as anypony to see that the military governess herself was in attendance. We asked her to comment on the success of the event, to which she replied "Begone with you peasant!" The military police, who were ominously lurking in the shadows, gazing into our very souls with their unrelenting eyes, informed us that the military governess would not be taking any questions. We did manage to grab one last interview before we were chased out, from Twilight Sparkle herself, who simply stated "Please! Stop! Why are you doing this to me? Please stop, please!"

Listeners, the sun has turned red. It looms over our little town like an angry giant, black clouds orbit around the blood red sphere like the tendrils of a great vortex. As the sky is darkened by a nightmare unimaginable, so too are our bodies, minds and souls succumbing to the terrible wrath of the unrelenting sun. Our spirits are corrupted by the weight of our sins, and our thoughts are lost into a black and empty void. Forgive us, O' mighty and terrible sun, have mercy upon us poor, and simple creatures. We cower before you, unworthy of your presence. All Hail The Mighty Blood Sun. All Hail.

I'm being told that the horror is over, the crimson glow of the sun has ceased, and the black clouds have faded. The pain of its presence is beginning to wane, leaving only the mystery of its sudden appearance. I do not know what the blood sun wants or if we shall ever see it again, all I know is that, for the moment, we have nothing more to fear. Let us all come together, as a community, and as a family, and remember that another problem has come and passed, and we are all still alive. Take a moment to hold your loved ones in your thoughts, and be grateful that our lives, and our families will go on.

And now for community health tips. Are you aware of what you children are eating? Are they eating enough healthy foods and not too many sweets? Parents, I know that having a child means that there is a lot on your plate already, but lets try to make sure that we have the right things on that plate to begin with. It's is important to balance each and every meal in accordance to the food pyramid. Remember that kids need to eat plenty of carbohydrates, so be sure that they are served 6-10 servings a day of either bread or pasta, along with some cheese and vegetables for a balanced diet. They should only eat about 2-3 servings of meat so a cannibalized loved one should not be a full meal. Lastly, sweets are ok on occasion, but too much can be very unhealthy, so take a moment ask yourself, is your foal eating healthy? If you have any questions regarding food groups and their serving size be sure to visit the Almighty Food Pyramid, which is the fifty foot tall, golden pyramid located just outside the food market. Be sure to offer small bird as a ritual sacrifice. This message is brought to you by the Ponyville Healthy Living Foundation.

The "Taze a Librarian" fundraiser special has been canceled abruptly following the strange transformation of the sun. The military governess allowed for the children to quickly finish their turns before ushering them and their parents out the door. Despite the fact that it ended early it still managed to be quite successful, raising nearly 300 bits for the Ponyville Construction Organization. The military police officially ended the event by ransacking the library in a unwarranted search, as is tradition. The military governess departed from the library shortly afterwards and was overheard saying something about, a zebra.

And now, my little ponies, in celebration of another day gone by, I give to you... The weather.

Ponyville was consumed in unrelenting darkness, the lights in the homes had been extinguished, and the streets were flooded by a thick, black mist. The town was barren and empty of all life, not a single pony to be seen. Except for Twilight. Alone she aimlessly wandered the empty streets, the mist welcomed her, and embraced her as she passed.

"Hello?" Twilight called, her words echoing back to her.

Twilight traveled down the endless road, the mist pulling at her legs, guiding her to a destination unknown. It warped around her body like a snake tempting its victim, luring her in to what felt like certain death, and Twilight followed willingly. She could see eyes watching her from the fog, watching her pass before chasing after her. Another pair of eyes appeared, watching her as the mist pulled her away, then joining the other pair of eyes trailing ever-so-slowly behind her. More eyes appeared, and then even more still, they followed her as well. She counted four pairs in total.

The mist was beginning to clear before her eyes, revealing a large tree in the center of town, it was her library. She was almost home. The door opened for her, inviting her in. The darkness inside was indescribable, it was a pure black, an eternal black. Anything that entered the blackness could never return, Twilight could feel this in her heart. The eyes were watching, beckoning her to enter the library. Twilight obeyed, walking forward.

NO

Twilight froze. The voice was echoing across the void.

THIS WAY

Twilight turned around, the sound was behind her, as were the eyes, watching menacingly. The eyes glared at her, commanding her to turn around, to enter the library. Twilight didn't move. The mist began tugging at her legs again, growing stronger with every pull. Twilight fought them, she didn't want to enter the library, not anymore. The mist coiled around her body and forced her to the ground, she clawed at the dirt as the mist dragged her closer to the empty black.

"NO!" Twilight cried. She grabbed desperately at the ground.

A radiant light shined before her, chasing away the eyes and burning away the mist.

WE'RE OVER HERE

Twilight stood, and began chasing the light, it led her away from the library to the center of town. Town Square was before her, clear of all mist and shadows, the source of the light was there, its was blinding. The light began to fade. There were ponies there, five of them. Five mares wearing strange, golden necklaces.

They were smiling, a warmth emanating from them. Twilight felt... Happy. Incredibly happy. She didn't know these ponies but she felt like she did, Twilight rushed to them, a surge of happiness carrying her hooves forward. The necklaces began to glow, emanating a pure, rainbow light. She was almost there, so close to them.

A wave of darkness raced ahead of her, hiding the mares behind a thick wall of shadows. Twilight came skidding to a stop, utter despair flooding her heart. Four pairs of eyes emerged from the shadow wall, beaming gleefully, they were feeding off of her pain, growing stronger as she grew weaker.

Lightning cracked across the sky, and they were gone. The shadows dispersed, and Twilight was once again alone in the town.

"TWILIGHT SPARKLE!"

Twilight looked up to see an alicorn, floating above her silhouetted by the moon. Her coat was dark as the night sky, her mane and tail were glittered with stars and cosmos. She spoke again.

"YOU MUST SEEK OUT THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONY! TIME IS SHORT, AND YOU MUST FIND THEM BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!"

Twilight recoiled from her deafening voice, her ears began to throb, the words echoed endlessly inside her skull.

"But what are the Elements of Harmony?" Twilight asked, her voice seeming meek by comparison. "How can I find them?"

"ONLY BY SEEKING THE MAGIC OF FRIENDSHIP WILL THE ELEMENTS BE REVEALED! ONLY THEN SHALL THIS NIGHTMARE END!" The alicorn's eyes began to glow pure white. "GO NOW!"

Twilight woke up on the library floor, gasping for breath and drenched in sweat. Her head was throbbing. Actually her whole body was throbbing. Pain washed over her like a wave, drenching all of her muscles in a sudden, throbbing ache.

"What happened?" she asked, holding back tears.

Something tugged against her neck, it was a collar. She could see that she had been chained to the wall like a dog on a leash. Memories began to return to her. It was the "Fundraiser Special". She couldn't remember when it had ended, she must have passed out. The library was vacant, furniture was broken and scattered around. Piles of books had been torn from the shelves and thrown carelessly on the ground. There was a key laying on the ground right in front of her, the key unlocked the collar around her neck.

Twilight struggled to get up, her tortured body screamed in pain with every small move she made. But she had to get up, she had to get to the book. From the look of her library they had been searching for it, but Twilight doubted they had been looking in the right place. She painfully carried herself up the stairs and made her way to the balcony, from there she looked up to the top of the tree, and sure enough, neatly tucked away within the branches, was the book. She grabbed it with her magic and brought it to her. She opened it up to a familiar page.

There are six Elements in total, Kindness, Laughter, Generosity, Honesty and Loyalty, the sixth is a complete mystery.

Twilight remembered the alicorn's words. "Only by seeking the Magic of Friendship will the Elements be revealed."

Twilight wanted to kick something.

"Why does everything have to be so cryptic?"

Welcome back listeners.

It's almost time for us to say goodbye, but before we do I would just like to say one thing. I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate each and every one of you in Ponyville, after all, what would I be without you? I would be a lost soul, living day by day in this cold and unforgiving world without purpose or meaning. But it is you, dear listener, who gives my life purpose, and it is because of you, I can get out of bed each morning and welcome the promise of a new day. So thank you, listeners, thank you for everything that you give to me. You have made me the happiest buck in the world.

Oh and before I forget, there is a 300 bit reward for the fugitive Rainbow Dash, who escaped from prison this morning. Be sure to pass on any information about her whereabouts to the town council.

And as always...

Good night, Ponyville

Good night.

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