Two hours later

I watched as royal guards moved Discord’s statue back into the garden, and I said to him:

‘Back already? That was only two hours!’ I told him, as he stood there in silence.

‘You there, mate?’ I asked him, concerned? Was he mad at me? Or… no! He didn’t pull that trick! That little rat!

‘When I get out, I’ll just be-‘ I started but was interrupted by him, I was worried there for a moment!

‘Nothing to worry about, I’m right here, just disappointed, only two hours…’ he assured me, I could sense he was a little down on the spirit. See what I did there? Spirit of Chaos and all.

Eh… those are getting worse and worse, I’m not really in my joke prime, am I?

Anywaaays…

Where was I? Oh, it’s time for a super great time skip, because there was almost literally nothing happening!

Anyways, I must stop overusing anyways…

Anyways…  hey! Don’t look at me like that, it’s really creepy!

TIME SKIP!

A year later, same garden, same castle, same best buddy.

‘Psst… Whitey’s coming over!’ I said to Discord as I stood there, in stone, not being able to move… I’m just trying to bore you with details so you can leave me alone, I’ve got a lot of time to sit out here, the Elements not being usable, so you not being able to turn me back to stone.

Oh, I forgot you are an egghead, and you’re a troll just waiting to strike.

So yeah, you walk up to Discord, all mighty and proud, we’re both making fun out of you, and suddenly you pick him up with magic and load him on a chariot.

So suddenly, we’re not laughing anymore, and we’re just saying last goodbyes, you separated us! Buddies in mischief and chaos!

You really are a terrible person. Or pony, whatever.

So I’m just sitting here, all alone, with no other statue to talk to… And then I realized this prison’s getting weaker, that in about a month’s time or so I’ll be free!

I shouted in triumph so loud that I think the prison was about to break right now.

I love gardeners, did I ever tell you that? While doing their jobs, they like to chat, what is going on in Equestria and all these matters, I always knew what was going on. When I heard you reformed Discord I just threw a fit. Reformed my best buddy so he was all goody-pants.

Fuck you.

I just hate you, simple as that, you with your short-temper back in the day attacked me first, no asking. Did I look like a fucking minotaur for you? I'll just give you a beating when I get free that you will cry for mommy!

That wasn’t a threat, that was a promise.

Back onto the story.

Two months later

The story’s first POV change ever!

‘Darn, I hate patrols so much! And that creepy statue, what the heck is this?’  I thought as I came closer to it, it was bipedal, like a minotaur, without the fur, horns and the big eyes. What is wrong with its eyes? They’re so small, animals have bigger!

And its… clothing. What kind of buckery was this? A vest loaded with some kinds of chemical bombs? On its back was some kind of a weapon for those little bombs, and on its waist was another gun, and a… pan?

Also, on its face were weird glasses and a treasure chest. The pan also had a tag with it, which said:

“Big Fucking Pan” I read out aloud.

‘BFP? It’s BFG you bloke! Did he never play DOOM?’ I thought, but suddenly…

CRACK

“Uh oh.”

Back to me

This fucker just called my pans name stupid, and he compared it to the DOOM puny gun! This piece of shit is getting a pan to the face!

I'm also free. Time to pwn some noobs.

When I was completely free from stone I grabbed my pan from my waist and SMASHED it in his face, I called my ancient pan magic and teleported to the doors to the garden, seperating the castle from it. I took out my sticky launcher and set up four bombs, and one under my feet.

I asked the pan for a blessing against explosions, jumped, and detonated the bombs, I flew through the golden door, from the sticky that propelled me.

Fortunately, today was Sparkles coronation party gala thing.

So I made a quick checklist.

1. Smash a pan in Celestia's face.

2. Smash a pan in Twilight's face.

3. Crush a can for Jay Owens

4. Crash this party overall.

5. Escape.

6. Send out requests to other humans so they can join me in my quest/I can join them in my quest.

7. ???

8. Profit!

I was flying, and with my cool, magical pan slowed the time down. You were there talking to a stuck-up noble, and Sparkle was talking to her friend. Rarity, I think? Kill two birds with one stone, right? Or rather, three. So I'm flying in Sparkles direction, she's all shocked, and SMASH across the face.

And it all fell silent. The time's back to normal, every noble is panicking, you're all shocked, Rarity's just standing there, looking at the shocked Twilight on the floor. I remember back in the day when I smashed Starswirl across the face with the very same pan, you should feel honored, I had an objective back then, smash everyone important. I almost did it, except for the changeling queen back then, what was her name? Ambrosia?

So I smash Rarity with the pan, and sticky jump over to you. You're still shocked, so I smash you HARD with the pan. How's that tooth? Still out? I wonder you say "beaver"? "Beafer?"

I hate you too. So now I had to find a can. Fortunately, there was a stall with food for "commoners". So I grab a can of something, open it, and pour it on a random noble, and crush it on my head.

Jay Owens sends his regards.

The party's crashed, now to send out invites, how do I do this? Some original way... I know! Unusuals lying around other people's realms! They pick it up with the instructions, They pull on the effect, I'm summoned, they put the hat on, they're summoned. Next Chapter: (3) So that is where the plot is going? PANTASTICAL! Estimated time remaining: 14 Minutes