The gentle glow of the midday sun, basked the orchard of Sweet Apple Acres as Twilight and Anon finished helping the apple farmer with her work for the day.

“Thank ya kindly, Twilight, for helping me out. I made a bet with Big McIntosh that I could get all these Golden Delicious in the barn by lunchtime. If I win, he's gonna walk down Stirrup Street in one of granny's girdles.” Applejack said, chuckling at the prospect of her brother in such an embarrassing situation.

“You know, that none of these apples are golden delicious right? They're all red or green...are you color blind, because that would explain a lot.” Anon said, grabbing an apple and taking a bite, promptly spitting it out seconds later. “God that's disgusting. Any granny smith apples?” Applejack shook her head and continued to walk along the path.

“Sorry Anon, they're–”

“Anonymous.” Anon corrected. Twilight gave a small wince at his tone, taking intense interest in the nearby fencepost. It was a very nice fence post.

“Um...Anonymous. Ah'm sorry, but the granny smith apples are on the other side of the orchard. Ah could run an' get you one later if ya like.”

“No thanks. I'll get something from town.” He says spitefully, muttering something about poisoned under his breath. Deciding to break the newly formed tension, Twilight clears her throat rather exaggeratedly.

“Uh...well it's no problem at all Applejack, I'm just glad that the goal is lunch time. All of this hard work is making me hungry.” She said with a nervous laugh. The tension in the air still going strong.

“You've got two baskets of apples on your back and you're a unicorn. Go nuts.” Anon said, grabbing another apple and sticking it in her mouth, shutting her up. She however, spat the apple out, not taking a bite.

“Anon, Applejack needs these apples for her farm!” Twilight said in a harsh tone. Anon merely shrugged and walked on.

“And I should care, why?” Anon said spitefully. Neither mare deciding to respond to his attitude.

“Maybe we all should get somethin' ta eat.” Applejack suggested, motioning for them all to follow, but Anon stopped mid stride and clutched his hand in pain.

“Anonymous! What’s wrong!?” Applejack asked, concern and panic in her voice. Anon merely shrugs her off as the palm of his hand split open and blood spilled out and flew into the air. The Apple farmer reeling back in complete shock. The flying blood formed the shape of a scroll, which he promptly caught in his free hand. The wound quickly sealed again afterward.

“Don't that hurt?” Applejack asked, looking at his hand in concern.

“Like a bitch.”

“It's a letter from Princess Celestia.” Twilight said, eying the scroll in his hand.

“No shit Sherlock. Not like anyone else sends you and letters. Let’s just see what sun butt wants.” He said as he opened the scroll and began to read.

“Hear ye, hear ye. -oh dear god, she actually wrote 'hear ye' *ahem*,- Her Grand Royal Highness, Princess Celestia of Equestria-...geesh, what other Celestia is it likely to be? The one running the sex shop in hayseed street?- is pleased to announce The Grand Galloping Gala to be held in the magnificent capital city of Canterlot, on the 21st day of, -ugh! Let's see some more licking of their own balls over Canterlot, some crap about dress code, a bunch of crap no one will give a crap about, Oh here we go,- cordially extends an invitation to Twilight Sparkle plus one guest woopty-fucking-do!” Anon said joylessly, grabbing the two tickets and handing them to Twilight. He then proceeded to retrieve a lighter from his front pocket and took to flame to the scroll.

“Hardly worth the pain.” He muttered under his breath as the scroll went up in flames.

The two mares would have made a comment about the human having an item that could have burned down the orchard, but they were too busy comprehending the fact that Twilight was invited to go to the Grand Galloping Gala.

“The Grand Galloping Gala!” Twilight shouted excitedly, Applejack bouncing in excitement. “I've never been to the Grand Galloping Gala before. How about you Anon?” Anon looked to her like she just asked what color the sky was.

“I've lived with you the entire time I've been here. Is that a serious question?” He said, crossing his arms. Twilight blushed sheepishly and smiled.

“Well, would you like to go?” Twilight asked, levitating one of the tickets up to his face.

“Nah thanks, I don't think I could stand those noble ponies for more than a few minutes anyway. They all ask the stupidest fucking questions.” He said as he started to impersonate the nobles he was referring to. Oh Anonymous! What was it like back in your own world? Anonymous! Can you tell me a story from earth? Anonymous! Why are you defacing that Painting?! I'm defacing it because I want to misses Plum, Mind your own fucking business!"

Applejack and Twilight looked to each other with concern, but Twilight just shrugged it off first, her being the more used to Anonymous's actions.

“Aw come on Anon, A dance would be nice.” Twilight said, shaking the ticket in the air temptingly. Applejack took the opportunity to switch her attention back to the tickets with her own opinion.

“Nice?” Applejack exclaimed in disbelief. “...It's a heap good more than just nice. I'd love to go. Land sakes, if I had an apple stand set up, ponies would be chowin' our tasty vittles till the cows came home. Do you have any idea how much business I could drum up for Sweet Apple Acres..?”

“Applejack, I hate to disappoint you, but the city folk don't really appreciate country food.” Anon said solemnly, continuing to go on ignored.

“Why, with all that money, we could do a heap of fixin' up 'round here...”

“Are you even listening to me?”

“We could replace that saggy old roof in the barn, and Big McIntosh could replace that saggy old plow, and Granny Smith could replace that saggy old hip!” Applejack said hopefully.

“Seriously, you wonder why I hate you?”

“Why I'd give my left hind leg to go to that gala.” Applejack finished, looking to Twilight.

“I must say Applejack, you must feel a hell of a lot lighter, without that massive fucking hint you just dropped.” Anon said sarcastically. Applejack flinched guiltily, before Twilight jumped to her defense.

“Weren't you just saying...” Anon didn't let her finish.

“I'm not agreeing with her, I'm just pointing out the lack of subtlety.” Anon pointed out. Twilight arched an eyebrow at the human but decided to ignore him and looked to Applejack.

“Well...in that case –”

“WOAH!” Came the shout of a cyan Pegasus just before she crashed straight into the two mares. Landing on top of them both, driving all three of them into a heap on the floor. As the dust settled, it revealed that the cyan mare was in fact...

...Rainbow Dash! (Seriously? How are they meant to be surprised about this? They've seen the show... what was that?...Oh... but she's seventy seven?....Urgh fine!) And so she popped her head above the two other mares excitedly.

“Are we talking about the Grand Galloping Gala?” Rainbow Dash asked excitedly, climbing off the bodies of her friends.
“Rainbow Dash! You told me you were too busy to help me harvest apples. What were you too busy doin', Spyin'?” Applejack asked, standing to her hooves aggressively.

“No, I was busy napping.” Rainbow said, nodding her head towards a tree with a blanket and pillow resting on one of the heftier branches.

“So you weren't busy. You were being lazy. Busy implies that you're still useful.” Anon said, crossing his arms snootily.

Applejack laughed out loud at his remark. “Ha! ya took the words right out oh ma mouth, there, pardner.” She said, holding her hoof up for a bump from the human.

Anon didn't even give the hoof a passing glance. “No.” He said his gaze still on Rainbow Dash. Applejack just brought her hoof back down to the ground dejectedly.

Rainbow Dash merely shrugged off the comment before looking to Twilight. “...and I just happened to hear that you have an extra ticket?” She asked with a waggle of her eyebrows.

Twilight responded truthfully. “Well, yeah, but –”

“YES! This is so awesome! The Wonderbolts perform at The Grand Galloping Gala every year. I can see it now...”

“Uh actually they don't. The show says they do, but we never actually see a show in the last episode it's just them standing around-” Anon stop breaking the fourth wall!

“Who the fuck is that?” Shut the fuck up and listen to Rainbow Dash's expectations just so it can be shot down by the end of the season!

“Is that you, Author?!” Yeah, now shut up and get back to the story!

“Fuck you!” Hey, you think I want to narrate your fucking life! I'm forced to do this! Fimfiction has my kids!

“What the fuck is Fimfiction!?”

“who are you talking to?” Twilight asked, earning a rather terrified look from Anon.

“you guys didn't hear that?!” Each of the mares present shook their head in negative. Anon pushed his confusion to the back of his mind, deciding to just get on with it. “uh...ever mind...uh...you were saying?”

Rainbow Dash, having been given the right to continue, starts where she left off. “...Everyone would be watching the sky. Their eyes riveted on The Wonderbolts, but then in would fly Rainbow Dash!” She proclaimed as she flew into the air, imitating her grand entrance for the show. She then started doing loops and twirls around the trio, going on about why she should go to the gala.

“...I would draw their attention with my Super Speed Strut. Then, I would mesmerize 'em with my Fantastic Filly Flash...”

“Why did I get a really dirty image for that last one?” Anon asked, going ignored once again.

“...And for my grand finale, The Buccaneer Blaze! The ponies would go wild! The Wonderbolts would insist that my signature moves be incorporated into their routine, and then welcome me as their newest member....” She said as she landed next to the purple unicorn. “...Don't you see, Twilight? This could be my one chance to show 'em my stuff. You gotta take me!” Before Twilight could reply, Rainbow Dash found herself dragged back by the cowpony who she promptly ignored before now.

“Wow, you're really not getting your hopes up, are you?” Anon said sarcastically, but just went on ignored again. He's really starting to get pissed off by that.

“Hold on just one pony pickin' minute here. Ah asked for that ticket first.” She said, spitting out Rainbow Dash's tail. The blue pegasus quickly goes on the defensive, standing to her hooves.

“so? doesn't mean you own it.” She said, pushing her forehead against Applejack's, who pushes back at the intimidating gesture.

“I think this just got interesting.” The human remarked, leaning against one of the fence posts.

“Oh yeah? Well I challenge you to a hoof-wrestle. Winner gets the ticket.” Applejack challenged, the two of them moving over to a nearby tree stump and engaging in their hoof wrestle faster than Anon could get an insulting line in.(which is pretty darn quick.)

“Girls!” Twilight shouted as she moved in and forced the two dueling ponies apart. “...These are my tickets. I'll decide who gets it, thank you very much. Whoever has the best reason to go should get the ticket, don't you think?”

“No Twilight don-!”

“Drummin' up business for the farm?” Applejack said, charging in front of Rainbow Dash. Rainbow dash was quick to respond however.

“A chance to audition for the wonderbolts?”

“Money t' fix granny's hip.” Applejack stepped forward once again, sounding more desperate.

“What happened to all the apples we had before?” Anon said, gesturing to the now missing apple carts.

“Living the dream.” They both had their face pretty close together with fake beauty pageant smiles, plastered across their faces.

“Wow, I can totally seeing all of that happening for either of you if you go.” Anon said sarcastically, rolling his eyes in irritation.

“It could so happen!” Rainbow Shouted, breaking from her creepy begging position.

“Yep, keep telling yourself that.” Anon said, turning to Twilight. “Yeah, we getting something to eat, or what?”

“But what about the extra ticket?!” Applejack shouted in panic.

“Oh...uh...let's see...uh...Oh!.. She can't make important decisions like this on an empty stomach, so we'll be back later to tell you how it went.” Anon said, quickly pressing Twilight to leave.

“..okay.” The two mares both groaned, completely confused for a moment, before suddenly springing back to the tree stump to resume their hoof wrestle, maintaining determined eye contact while they settled their little feud.

“So that was awkward.” Anon announced as he and Twilight walked through town. “Any idea who you're gonna pick?”

Twilight looked to her human companion before sighing heavily and lowering her head in shame. “I don't know Anon, but I really can't think straight when I'm hungry, so where should we eat?” She said miserably as they walked past Sugarcube corner, when suddenly the front door flew open and the pink blur, formally known as Pinkie Pie, shot out of the building like a bat out of hell...on speed and collided with the purple unicorn and her human assistant, forcing the three of them to the ground.

So there the three of them lay as the two tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala, slowly drifted to the ground...landing right on pinkie's mussel
“oh fuck.” Anon remarked too late as Pinkie was quick to leap into the air, rubbing her face in fear.

“Gah! Bats! Bats on my face! Help!” She screamed, running around in circles in panic.

“Is she retarded?” Anon asked, a genuine question, but it received a swift hoof to the side from an irritated Twilight.

If Anon thought that the two of them had gotten away with it...he was mistaken. “Wait, these aren't...” Pinkie's eyes lit up with stars as she took in the sight of the tickets. In the kind of way that only a crack addicted care-bear would find cute.

“...Tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala!?”

“Oh god dammit! Another unrealistic fantasy.”

“It's the most amazing, incredible, tremendous, super-fun, wonderful terrifically humongous party in all of Equestria! I've always always always wanted to go!” Just as she finished, music started to play in the distance as Pinkie prepared to sing.

Fortunately (seeing as mlp songs haven't gotten good yet.) Anon stepped forward and picked up Pinkie by the scruff of her neck.

“Well it's a shame you used six too many adjectives there and have hereby been authorized for a shut the fuck up! From the department of public health.” He said matter of fact, letting the Pink mare back to the ground and stuffing a small note of paper into her mouth with the words, shut the fuck up, written in bold.

Spitting out the paper, Pinkie pounces over to Twilight happily. “Oh thank you Twilight. It's the most wonderful-est gift ever!”

Anon's hand makes a quick connection to his forehead. “How did you even get that from...URGH!”

A loud gasp could be heard behind the three of them as Twilight attempted to find an exclamation. “Are these what I think they are?”

“Oh son of a fuck! Someone burn those fucking things!” Anon goes ignored for the fifteenth time since he arrived in Ponyville, (That's right he's keeping count!) as Rarity began her deluded fantasy of what she expected from the Gala.

“I design ensembles for the Gala every year, but I've never had the opportunity to attend...”

“No one cares, Rarity.”

“...Oh, the society, the culture, the glamor! It's where I truly belong, and where I'm destined to meet him.”

“So fuck off to Canterlot then and stop pissing me off!”

Pinkie Pie's brows furrowed in curiosity as she stopped bouncing in place for a moment to question. “Him! ...Who?”

“No pinkie! You'll start a stupid dream sequence, that will most likely piss off a lot of bron-”

“Him.” Rarity stated dreamily, her eyes glazing over in thought. Anon stopped his rant to look to Rarity in confusion.

“Who? Ya know you didn't actually clarify who –”

“I would stroll through the gala,”

“God dammit!”Anon whispered under his breath as the white mare continued to talk.

“...and everyone would wonder, 'Whois that mysterious mare?'...”

“Literally no one will be wondering that.”

“...They would never guess that I was just a simple pony from little old Ponyville. Why, I would cause such a sensation that I would be invited for an audience with Princess Celestia herself...”

“You're setting yourself a little high are you not?”

“Anon would you just let her finish.” Twilight asked, growing more and more irritated by the second.

“No.”

“...and the princess would be so taken with the style and elegance that she would introduce me to him...”

“Who the hell are you referring to here?! I have literally no idea!”

“Her nephew: the most handsome, eligible unicorn stallion in Canterlot...”

“THANK YOU! I have no idea who that is, but- wait Blueblood?!...uh, I don't know how to tell you this but he's kind of a di-”

“...Our eyes would meet, our hearts would melt. Our courtship would be magnificent. He would ask for my hoof in marriage, and of course I would say, "Yes!" We would have a royal wedding, befitting a princess, which is...” Rarity lets out an excited giggle before continuing. “...What I would become upon marrying him, the stallion of my dreams.”

Rarity then turned to Twilight, adopting a pathetic expression, before whining. “Twilight, I simply cannot believe you would invite Pinkie Pie so she can... party, and prevent me from meeting my true love.”

“You being a gold digger and wanting to be a princess isn't exactly true love.” Anon said idly, Rarity just shrugging off his comment and turning away from Twilight in betrayal. “Howww coullld yooouuu? Hmph!”

Twilight was at a complete loss for words at Rarity's hopes and needed clarification. “But Rarity, I don't think you want to pursue the affections of Blueblood, he's kind of-” Rarity forces her nose right up to Twilight's before harshly whispering...

“I'm trying to make Anon jealous. I don't need the ticket, just play along!” She practically hissed, earning a rather hurt look from Twilight.

“I can hear you, ya know...” Anon said irritably. “...besides, she hasn't actually decided who she's taking yet.”

both Rarity's and Pinkie's head turned to look at the human, one in shock and one in excitement. Rarity clearly trying to keep up the charade.

“She hasn't!?” The both of them said in unison.

“No. And you're just making it harder for her with all of this argu- Hey!” As Anon was about to scold the two mares, a single white rabid ran past them all, snatching the two tickets from the human's clutches and delivering them the butter-yellow pegasus, standing a few feet away.

Never in his life has Anon wanted to brutally murder a cute little Bunny, for so little.

Well, other than the other twenty seven times.

“Oh my...ticket's to the Grand Galloping Gala? Angel, where did you get these?” Fluttershy asked the little bunny on her back, who pointed to the Human standing with a confused expression, etched onto his features.

“When the fuck did you get there?” He asks, earning a slight blush from Fluttershy.

“Oh, uh...Anon, a-are you-”

“You literally just popped up there.”

“Um... if you haven't already-”

“No.” Fluttershy stopped as her eyes widened in confusion, taking a second glance to the tickets in her hoof.

“W-What?”

“They're not mine. Your rabbit stole the tickets, they're actually Twilight's.” Anon informed, Fluttershy just sighed in sadness at the missed opportunity.

“I'm not going, so the extra ticket is up for grabs.” The yellow mare, jumped with excitement, rushing over to Twilight who shot Anon a death glare.

“What? The laws of coincidence are fucked up here, so she was going to get to it eventually...I'm just saving time.” He said, Twilight turning to Fluttershy who was halfway through her story of a garden or some shit. And yes it's deluded as hell. You've seen the show

“Well, good luck...I'm going to go find somewhere to get food.” Anon called back, trying to escape the ponies before the inevitable could happen.

“Wait! I need your help.” Twilight shouted, Fluttershy just finishing her story.

“Damn it.” Anon swore under his breath. He really shouldn't leave her like this.

“There's loons and toucans and bitterns, oh my! Hummingbirds that can really hum, and buzzards that can really buzz. White-blue jays, and red jays, and green jays, pink jays and pink flamingos!” Fluttershy finished her story, sighing dreamily and clutching her rabbit in her hooves.

“Gee Fluttershy, it sounds... beautiful?” Twilight said, absent-minded. Anon holding up three fingers and started to count down.

Two fingers still up...

one finger still up...

Last one down and...

“Wait just a minute!” Rainbow Dash shouted, flying in to Twilight's side, earning a disturbed look from the purple mare.

“Rainbow Dash. Were you following me?” She asked, shocked and a little betrayed.

“Yes.” She said simply, not caring for how she looked, but under Twilight's stern glare, she Shrunk into a sheepish grin. “Look, it doesn't matter. I couldn't risk a goody-four-shoes like you giving that ticket away to just anybody.”

“You just said anybody...”

“Wait just another minute!” Applejack shouted, coming up to Twilight's other side.

“Seriously, some continuity in your world's rules would be nice...”

Twilight turns to the orange mare with a betrayed look on her face. “Applejack, were you following me too?” Applejack expression turned sour as she points accusingly at Rainbow Dash.

“No. ah was followin' this one to make sure she didn't try any funny business. Still trying to take mah ticket.” Applejack finished, while simultaneously maintaining constant eye contact with Rainbow Dash.

“Wow, could somebody listen to me please?”

“I'm listening to you, darling.”

“Not you Rarity.”

“Your ticket?” Rainbow Dash shouted in disbelief, flying towards Applejack with malice in her eyes.

“But Twilight's taking me.” Pinkie whined, finally causing all of the ponies present to break into a full blow argument.

Twilight, struggling to deal with the pressure, began to shrink down under the barrage of statements being thrown at her, wishing that the whole ordeal would end.

Then an idea came to the purple mare.

The most horrible and most cowardly idea that ever came into her head. She shouldn't do it, but she had no choice.

Hopefully, history will be merciful.

“QUIET!” Twilight screamed, throwing the whole group into silence. Rainbow landed on the ground, Pinkie remained quiet for more than ten seconds, Applejack and Fluttershy simply stopped talking and Rarity stopped pissing off Anon for a short amount of time. (which is an achievement in of itself.) All to focus on Twilight.

“Okay, now everyone here wants one of the tickets...” Everyone nods. “...except Anon?” The group turns to the lone human at the back of the group.

“No. I don't want to go.”

“...and due to the fact that I am unable to make an unbiased opinion, I can safely decree that Anon should be the one to make the judgment of who should go to the gala.” Twilight finished with a satisfied smile, causing everyone to shift their gaze back to Anon, who was currently staring at the Purple mare darkly, mentally trying to flay the unicorn bitch as she levitated the tickets into his hands.

“Fuck. You. up. The ass. With. a massive. Spiked. Dildo. Preferably. Covered in. lemon juice, razor blades and salt. You. Stupid. Fucking. Horse. ” He said slowly, making sure to emphasize every word.

The ponies however, didn't care. They only cared about one thing. They all stared at the human, not one of them daring to say a thing, at risk of losing their key to the gala, which was in the hands of...well, everyone gets the idea. Anon has it.

“Don't you dare.” Anon said sternly, but cautiously, his hands were clenched tight around the tickets as he stuffed them into his pockets and out of sight to everyone in town.

“Anon, You know you're my favourite human, right?” Pinkie said happily, opening the floodgates for everyone else to break into nonsensical shouting, attempting to appeal to the human's better nature.

“We could go together!”

“I'll put in a good word with the wonderbolts!”

“I could bring you back an exotic pet!”

“What about mah farm?”

“For fuck sake! Piss off!” Too bad for them, they didn't know Anon didn't have a better nature.
Twilight quietly backed out of the group with her head held low to avoid detection, preying to whatever deity that Anon would be spared.

“TWILIGHT!? You fucking whore!” Okay, now she hoped he got bucked in the nads.

She took off into a full gallop, fleeing the crime scene before she could be held accountable, maybe she could have deniability from the whole affair if she made it back to the library quickly...yeah, that's what she'd do.

“YOU FUCKING TRAITOR!”

And she'd have to file for a new assistant.

Anon slammed the door to the library shut, panting heavily from his ordeal, his hoodie covered in rips and tears and even a little blood, his hands bruised and his jeans completely shredded. He aggressively yanked the locks on the door closed, keeping him secure inside the library.

“Anon? You made it!” Twilight said with a sheepish smile, while simultaneously levitating the request for a new assistant towards the fireplace.

Anon just glared daggers at the unicorn mare as he marched over and ripped the scroll from her magical grip, unrolling and beginning to read.

“Dear princess Celestia...yadda yadda yadda...How are you?...yadda. Yadda. Yadda... I have made many friends... I feel it would be necessary to refill the library with more Starswirl the bearded's literature... yadda yadda yadda...oh, and by the way ANONYMOUS HAS DIED?!” Anon stopped reading to look at the purple mare in shock. Said mare, shrinking down in her place.

“I thought...”

“You thought I'd died!?” Anon said, though still shocked. “...And you didn't even deem that important enough to tell right away!?”

“Well...”

“Actually another question: How the fuck were you going to send this without me?” Anon accused, rather pompously, throwing the scroll into the fire.

Twilight's ears perked up and she smiled proudly. “I was going to send it via the post office and then I was- what are you doing?”

Anon had walked over to the other side of the library, looking at the shelves and reached up, grabbing one of the books. Twilight continued to watch as he turned and made eye contact, before turning back and placing the book on the lowest shelve, nowhere near where it was intended to be.

“Anon?” he did it again, taking another book and placing it far away form its intended position.

“Does this bother you?” Anon asked, moving another book.

Twilight, noticed what he was doing and began to rearrange the books back into their correct places... as Anon continued to move the books, using both hands.

“Does this bother you?!” Anon shouted again, still moving books.

“Anon, stop. I'll have to rearrange the whole library!”

“So it does!”

“ANON!”

“I've got an idea!” Anon said, lifting another book from the shelves and showing Twilight the cover threateningly with a malicious smile.

“...no.”

*Crash*
The various sounds of anarchy and chaos came from inside the Library, almost deterring Rainbow Dash from continuing, but she needed that ticket and she wold brave the dangers of Tartarus to get it. So she brought her hoof up the door and...

*Knock**Knock**Knock*

The sounds came to a stop and nothing replaced them, only the sounds of hushed whispers on the other side of the door.

“Who is it?” Came the voice of Twilight, earning a relieved sigh from Rainbow Dash.

“Only the most awesome pegasus in Equestria! Let me in, I need to speak to Anon.” She replied, but only more hushed whispers were her response. She stood there for a good few minutes as the other two behind the block of wood decided whether or not to let her in.

Rainbow Dash was certain though, that her two newest friends would let her insi-

“Go away!” Came the response of Twilight, sounding rather nervous for some reason.

“What? But...!”

“Please!? J-just leave.”

Something was wrong, Twilight did not sound like she meant it, it sounded more like she was being taken hostage. Was Anon threatening her!? Was he planning to eat her or something, like the sick carnivore he is!? Rainbow Dash knew that she couldn't trust that human! She knew he was up to something. Right from the start. Sick human. But he wouldn't do anything to Twilight! Not on Rainbow Dash's watch!

Plus she might give her the ticket if she saves her.

Rainbow Dash flew up to the second floor balcony as slowly and as quietly as possible, taking care to slowly land with extreme caution. She slowly opened the door to Twilight's bedroom and slowly tip-hooved over to the stairs, and slowly made her way down to the main library...slowly.

When she reached the bottom, she saw two things; one was Twilight, pleading with her hooves all on the floor. The second thing being Anon, standing with his hand held out menacingly over a book and a scroll, with a knife held threateningly over his palm. He was threatening to kill himself!? But she always liked Anon! He was so nice! How could he do this to them all!

“Anon no!” Her call gained both of their attention, as she made her way over with slow deliberate steps as to not startle him into doing something stupid. Halfway there. “look, Anon. You don't need to do this. I know that living in Ponyville can be a little taxing, but you don't need to kill yourself, just put the knife down and everything will be okay...”

Seeing her opportunity to stop Anon's ploy, Twilight decided to play along. “Yes Anon! You have so much to live for! Don't do it!”

Anon stared at the two ponies in straight up confusion, Rainbow dash just a foot...er hoof...FUCKING PONY TERMS!...Rainbow dash was a foot away from Anon, just within reach of the knife.

Anon however just looked Rainbow Dash right in the eye and said. “You're a fucking moron.” And cut into his palm, spilling blood over the scroll and book, causing both items to evaporate into the air.

“No!” Twilight screamed into the air as the last remnants of the book blew away into the air.

Rainbow Dash, who was more confused than anything right now, just watched in confusion as the scene unfolded, growing more confused as Anon's palm sealed up one again...confusingly.

“What was that?” Rainbow asked, as Twilight cowered on the floor in fear and shame. Like that one drunken guy that spent the entire night having an emotional breakdown and freaking out his friends. but more...sober and less swearing.

“A self-help book.” Anon said calmly, making his way towards the door.

Princess Celestia sat at her table eating her afternoon Tea. Her sister, Princess Luna, sat opposite her, not indulging in the wide array of cakes and biscuits and crumpets and tea and more things just so British that if she were to actually consume them, she'd probably shit out a union flag or possibly a British Bulldog. You know. The one's with the messed up faces and are considered a total genetic disaster.

Very British...

But neither of them knew this because they were ponies.

“Luna? Why are you not eating?” Celestia asked with concern lacing her voice. Luna just let out a heavy sigh and turned her head downwards in sadness, refusing to meet her sister's gaze.

“I'm not hungry.” Luna said solemnly. Celestia could only sigh in defeat. She couldn't force her sister to eat, so she just had to bear with it. Luna had to get there on her own.

A brief silence overtook the royal dining room as Celestia drank her tea. Luna remained silent, but couldn't shake the overwhelming feeling of guilt...

*BVVTTT* ”You've got mail!”

The silence was broken by the sudden appearance of a scroll, causing Luna to look at her older sister in confusion. “A letter from your student?” She asks, watching as Celestia Levitates the scroll to eye level.

Celestia smiled at her younger sister's change in attitude. It wasn't the happiness she wanted, but it was better than what she had. “I believe so, but this is far too early for her to have learned her lesson.”

“And her ape?” And then Celestia quirked an eyebrow at Luna's comment. The malice in Luna's voice, painfully obvious.

“Human? Yes, and you shouldn't feel so ill towards him, he's really a sweetheart, when you get to know him.” She said with a serene smile, trying to sound as reassuring as possible. Luna just huffed and averted her gaze once more.

Having temporarily silenced her sister, Celestia unravelled the scroll and began to read. “dear Princess Celestia, I am thankful for your tickets to the grand galloping gala, In fact I am so grateful that I have decided to send you a gift as well! A book should arrive shortly? I severely hope you put it to good use?” Celestia looked to her sister who just shrugged.

“What book is she talking abou-”

*THWUMP!*

...and a book finally appeared, slamming right onto the table and destroying the afternoon tea the servants had expertly prepared, spilling cream, chocolate and other miscellaneous food stuffs around the room, silencing Celestia. Curious, Luna tilted her head to get a good look at the cover of the book.

“one thousand and one ways to get into shape: Get your flanks looking beautiful in just three short years.”

Celestia looked on, wide eyed, unsure on how to respond to the sudden appearance of the book. Luna meanwhile just tried with all of her might not to laugh at her sister's misfortune.

“It would appear dear sister, that you have become victim of a cruel jest.”

“But...Twilight would never...”

Luna just smiled smugly, grabbing a still intact teacake and taking a single bite. “Not such a sweetheart now. is he?”

“Sorry Twilight, but if you throw me under the bus, I'm gonna throw you in front of a train... from a train.” Anon said, exiting the library, without another word, Rainbow Dash just remained there in shock and confusion.

“But...What the buck just happened!?” Rainbow dash went on ignored as the events of what just happened settled in.

On the other side of the door, Anon came face to face with Applejack, who wore a large smile as she held a basket of treats on her back.

“Heyyy buuddyy...” She drawled out. The tone she used was that of an adult speaking to a child... with special needs. You know the one. The one where the child has like some sort of learning difficulties and is drinking glue or something and the adult is legally obligated to try and stop the child from ingesting the potentially dangerous substance, but they don't want to actually touch them...you know, that tone.

Where was I? Oh yeah! “How are you doing, this fine day.” Applejack finished.

“Fuck off, Applejack.” Anon replied aggressively, causing Applejack to deflate under his words, but did not brake pace, continuing to walk beside Anon to wherever they were going.

“Now Anon, why have ya got to be like that?”

“Because you're just here because you want the ticket.” Anon said irritably, walking a little bit faster to escape the orange tormentor.

“...Na, ah just wanted to hang around my friend.” Applejack said happily. Anon stopped in his tracks, staring down at the orange farmer.

“We're not friends.” He said matter of fact, but Applejack just shook her head in denial.

“Horse apples. O'course we are!”

“The second you saw me, you attacked me.”

“That was just because ah thought you were a monster.” Anon stopped walking and looked to Applejack questioningly. The signature 'U siruis m8' expression etched onto his face.
“...in what way is that supposed to make me feel better. That just makes it worse!” Anon said with bewilderment. Applejack averted her gaze, instead deciding to stare at the floor. “Well...?” Anon prodded, causing Applejack to try to throw out anything she could.

“It was just an apple family welcome?” She suggested. Anon instead just looked back in disbelief. Feeling insulted that she actually thought he was that stupid.

“Applejack, go die in a fire or something.” He said while turning to walk away.

“But what about the orchard?! What about mah Family!?” She cried in desperation. Anon stopped in his tracks, turning back to the orange mare with, metaphorical fire in his eyes, stopping her also.

“Okay, let me get a few things straight. First: We're not friends, Applejack. Don't ever think otherwise.” Applejack's ears folded against her head at his words, but she listened nevertheless.

“Second: If I don't end up burning these fucking tickets, I'll decide who gets them, based on their arguments, not by their relationship to me. So you can consider yourself lucky.” Her gaze reverted back to the floor in shame, but she was secretly thankful that she still has a chance for the tickets.

“...And finally: I'm used to being treated differently by ponies and yes, I've been attacked by a few, so I probably would have been willing to forgive you, if you'd just apologized in the first pla-”

“AH'M SOR-” Applejack tried to jump in, but Anon doesn't let her finish.

“Too fucking late! You've had all week to apologize and you haven't. How am I supposed to know you mean it now, when I have something you want?” He asked, but received no answer. Applejack's head continued to hang low in shame. Satisfied with the result of his berating, he made to leave...

but a quiet sound from Applejack stopped him again.

“What is it?” Anon asked.

“Can we still be friends?” Applejack squeaked out. Anon was at a loss for words. This mare wanted to be his friend? But she assaulted him? And then there's the tickets...

Though he wanted to so desperately say no, he knew what friendship and love and all that other fagotery bullshit meant to these miniature talking magical mythical ponies that control the weather and day cycles and have magical tramp stamps that signify what they're good at in life...

(can we please all just take a moment to process how absurd that sounds?)

“Unlikely. I rarely change my mind about someone.” He said, walking away, not looking back at the embodiment of disappointment behind him.

Anon walked through the streets of Ponyville, subconsciously taking in his surroundings and only now realizing that his clothes were still shredded, but instead of heading to rarity's, he decided just to bear with it. He'd rather go naked than be in close proximity to her.

“Hiya Anon!” Came the greeting of Pinkie Pie as she shot out of a barrel with confetti and streamers firing out as well. Anon jumped back in surprise from the sudden appearance.

“FUCK! No! I can't do this!” Anon says defeated. Taking a sharp turn in the opposite direction.

“What do you mean nonnie?” Pinkie asks innocently.

“I'm not doing this for everyone.” He said as he reached into his pockets and began to scribble out some words.

“But we still need to do three more ponies!” Pinkie insisted, but Anon had a better idea.

“It's all going to be the same. You're all gonna be like; can I have the ticket and I'm gonna be like; fuck off and then we're going to have some bullshit reason to have six tickets and then everyone can go. We all know that's how it's going to end, so there's no point.” He said as he scribbled out the letter and cut into his palm with a nearby sharp stone, the blood spilled out- yadda yadda yadda- Scroll evaporated- yadda yadda yadda- Let's just get to the Princesses.

Princess Celestia was brooding on her throne, Princess Luna sat by her side, still snickering under her breath. Though Princess Celestia was still rather irritated by her earlier prank, she was happy to see Luna smile. If just a little.

Her concentration was broken when yet another scroll popped into existence in front of the regal sisters. Luna watched the scroll with the anticipation of a filly who was just about to give you her joke gum. You know, the one with the mousetrap style thing that fucks up your fingers. I'm not sure how it'd work with hooves, but you get the idea.

Celestia unravelled the scroll and cautiously read it out loud. Though was a little curious with the writing style. “Hey Celestia, Anon here. Got a problem. Yeah, for some reason, you only sent two tickets (even though you know full goddamn well Twilight has five friends.) and now Twilight's all stressed out about who to take and is threatening to kill herself. Yeah, if she doesn't find a solution that makes everyone happy, then she's going to give in. So if it's not too much trouble, can you send some more tickets. Four will do. Thanks.”

Celestia finished, looking to her sister in shock. “Do you think this is a jest?”

Luna merely shrugged. “I don't think anyone would be so low as to actually use suicide as an excuse to get extra tickets.”

Celestia nodded in agreement, grabbing another four tickets from the side pocket of her banana and placing it in a returning scroll to be sent to Twilight. Then an evil smirk spread across her face she looked to her sister maliciously.

“Luna, I have an idea.”

*Wham!*

The door to the library was kicked open at such a speed that the six ponies inside were startled by the noise. All of which arrived there when they heard the moral horn. The horn at town hall where when sounded, all six of them should show up to wherever the plot demands. The library being the point now.

Lazy writing you say? Well that's because...

Shut up!

“Anon? What's going on?” Twilight asked, looking at the human in disbelief as he pulled out an envelope to reveal another four tickets as well as the original two.

“Problem solved! Everyone can go!” He said happily as he handed everyone their tickets.

“But where did you get these?!” Rainbow asked, shocked.

“Magic, now you can all go away now.”

“But, Ah thought we were supposed to learn a lesson about friendship?” Applejack questioned, staring at Twilight who looked back to Anon, who just shrugged it off.

“Yeah, yeah, You're all horrible friends, now get the fuck out of my house.” He finished by thrusting the last ticket into Pinkie's grasp and pointing to the door.

Twilight was at a loss for words. “But...”

“Get the fuck out of my house!”

“but I live here.”

“Get the fuck out of my house!”

“But darling what about our plans to-”
“Get the fuck out of my ho-ARGH!” Anon was interrupted as he clutched his wrist in pain, palm opening once again and a scroll appearing from the blood. Anon rolled his eyes in irritation. Hastily snatching the scroll from the air and opening it.

“dear Anonymous the human. It has come to our attention that thy have not acquired a ticket. We believe that thy do not want to actually attend the Grand Galloping Gala. Which would be fine with us if thy had not accused our sister of having excessive weight problems. Therefore, we have enclosed another ticket especially for thee. Thee must also attend, for if thy doesn't, then there will be dire consequences.

Yours faithfully, Princess Luna.”

“Twilight did one of my rocks give Princess Luna brain damage? I can't understand a word she's saying.” Anon said as the ticket fell from the scroll and onto the floor.

Unlike the other tickets, this one had Anon's name written in bold on the front. It was also in comic-sans which just rubbed salt in the wound. Finally understanding what the letter was saying, Anon's expression turned pained.

“Oh… AW goddammit! Weak!” He reread the last line of the letter, cringing at the thought of having to go.

The other ponies were too busy inspecting their own tickets to take notice.

All except one.

“Oh darling isn't this just fabulous! We can go together and we can have matching outfits and we can...”

Anon stood in shock, staring at the ticket on the floor in pain.

“I hate you guys so, so, much.”

Author's Notes:

hey guys, it's been a while...uh...sorry?

Can you tell when I gave up with this one? It's not difficult.

Anyway, Now that I've gotten the more mandatory(boring) episodes out of the way, maybe I can be a little more free with the alt universe tag.

Maybe it wont take as long to upload Applebuck Season.

thanks for the patience and as usual, stay awesome!