Authors note - So... I'm thinking of doing a fans day thing. You know, where all of you readers get together on something like a chat or something and we all hang out together. You know, talk about Old Spice, have group sex, that type of stuff. What do you guys think? Think that would be fun?

Also, due to complications, I will not be including a dogfight. Sorry, I've written them before, and I've been trying to write them for this story, but they won't come write. To compensate, I've got something new in store for you. Oh, and I'll throw in some more Spike for you.

"Swiper, how close are you to the elements?" Rambo Jesus's voice inquired from Swipers headset. Swiper muttered an angry grumble into the headsets mouthpiece in response.

"In the name of the Spice, shut up." He whispered hoarsely (no pun intended), "If I get caught, we're screwed."

"Whatever." Rambo Jesus said, before static replaced Rambo Jesus's voice. Swiper imagined the Metal Gear Solid theme playing in the background as he crept slowly around the corner, a suppressed P90 cradled in his pays. Suddenly, he heard hoofsteps right behind him. He swiftly turned around and dropped to his knees, to come face to face with a Lunar Special Forces Operative.

To be more specific, Captain Star Streak.

"Star? What are you doing in here?" Swiper whispered hoarsely to her, turning back around.

"Rambo Jesus sent me in behind you, but since you were so busy trying to be stealthy, he was trying to tell you that I was coming in behind you. Also, why the fuck are you behind stealthy?" She asked.

"Because, it's fun." Swiper responded, taking the suppressor off the P90. "Ever played Metal Gear Solid?"

"Which one?" Star asked, as they walked down the hallway, weapons at the ready.

"Any of them." Swiper said, as he rounded the corner, dropping to his knees and scanning for contacts. "Clear. Move up."

"Right. Also, I've played just about everyone of them. That shit's my childhood." Star stated, as she trotted down the hallway. She turned the corner, only to be knocked to the ground from the force of a bullet that hit her in the chest, which was luckily covered up by body armor.

"CONTACT!" Star shouted, as she scrambled behind cover. Swiper leaned out from behind cover and fired a burst down the hallway, which struck one of Celestia's soldiers in the chest.

"We need back up!" Swiper shouted into his headset.

"We copy, Swiper. I've got something inbound to back you up." Rambo Jesus stated. Before Swiper could ask what this something was, the building started to shake and rumble, which became stronger with every second that passed. Suddenly, part of the wall opposite of them collapsed, revealing a M1A2 Abrams Main Battle Tank.

"Tank!" One of Celestia's soldiers shouted in surprise.

"Might wanna cover your ears!" Shining Armor shouted over the radio. Swiper and Star barely had enough time cover their ears before the M1A2's 120mm smoothbore cannon fired a shell down the hallway, hitting one of Celestia's soldiers directly in the stomach, causing him to literally blow to bits.

"Fall back! Fall back!" A loyalist commander shouted, "Fall back to the Elements Chamber!"

As the loyalists began to fall back, Shining Armor popped out from the top of the tank and started to fire the M2 turret attached to the top of the tank at them, ripping apart anyone who did not manage to get out of the way.

"They are falling back to the Elements Chamber. Come on!" Shining Armor shouted at Star and Swiper, who were still huddled around the corner. "Dismount!" He shouted at the crew manning the tank.

As the crew began to dismount and hastily threw on their kevlar helmets and loaded their M4 carbines, a squad of Lunar Special Forces, armed with brand new M8 and SCAR assault rifles trotted out from the tunnel that tanks path of destruction so gracefully provided.

"Where's the enemies?" The squad leader asked.

"They fell back down the hallway." Shining Armor stated, "we're going in after them."

"Let's go!" The squad leader shouted to his men, as he and his squad charged forward, with the tank crew, Star, and Swiper right behind them.

Meanwhile, in Ponyville, Spike was waiting outside of the Ponyville Elementary School. After pushing out a 10 pound deactivated explosive devise out of his ass, he wobbled painfully back to the school. His asshole was bigger than prison bitch's asshole at the moment, and he still felt weak from the amount of blood he had lost. But his giant asshole was luckily covered up by the suit he decided to wear to impress Applebloom.

To be honest, it made him look like a fucking tool.

"Hay Spike!" Applebloom chirped as she walked up to him, "what's with the suit."

"I- um... thought I would take you out for lunch?" Spike asked, feeling like he fucked up something fierce.

"Great! Hop on! Ah'll take ya to mah favorite restaurant." Applebloom stated. Pathetically, Spike climbed onto Appleblooms back with his stubby arms and legs. The moment he was on, she galloped away, causing Spike to go flying and hit his head on the floor, suffering a minor concussion.

"Ya alright, Spike?" Applebloom asked, helping him off the ground.

"I'll live." Spike responded, brushing off his coat.

"Come on, hop back on, and let's try again." Applebloom said.

"WHY THE HELL DID BLACK JESUS PAIR US UP AGAIN?! AND WHY DID HE SEND US HERE?!" Billy Mays demanded as he and Spiderman waltzed through the streets of Ponyville like a couple of bosses.

"I don't know, Billy; I frankly don't give a single fuck." Spiderman stated. Suddenly, they spotted a small dust cloud in the distance, and whatever causing it was approaching fast.

"WHAT'S THAT?!" Billy Mays inquired.

"I don't give a fuck." Spiderman responded. They then realized what was creating the dust cloud. It was Spike riding on a small yellow filly with a strawberry mane.

"Yee haw!" The filly cheered gleefully as she galloped past the two gods/prophets/heroes/pretty cool guys. They turned around and watched her race away down the street.

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS SPIKE DOING?! HE HAS NO FRIENDS! WHERE DID HE GET A FRIEND?!" Billy Mays demanded.

"One, fuck you, I'm Spiderman," Spiderman stated, flipping Billy Mays the bird, shoving his finger right into his face, "two, I don't know, and three, even if I did know, I don't give a flying single fuck."

"HEY! I'M GETTING A TEXT FROM NICHOLAS CAGE!" Billy Mays said, looking at his cell phone.

"Me too. Not like I give a shit." Spiderman said, pulling his cell phone out of his nonexistent pocket and examined it.

About Spike finding someone who actually cares about him (her name is Applebloom, btw):

I saw it coming.

-Cage

"HOW DOES HE ALWAYS KNOW?!" Billy Mays inquired, confused.

"I don't give a fuck." Spiderman responded.