"What if they don't let us stay, Rainbow?...not that it matters..." Ditzy Doo looked at the ground after asking the question. Rainbow understood...after what had happened to Milky Way...terrible. He had been an idiot, but he hadn't deserved that. No pony deserved that.

"Relax, Derpy...I got this. AJ and me go way back...and Me'n Red are tight now. It's gonna' be okay."

Rainbow looked over at her pitiful roommate. She still had her little Imperial Postal Service cap on...she'd just gotten off work when she'd seen the news. As though losing her boyfriend wasn't bad enough...Derpy had even gone through his stuff with his father. They'd found the engagement ring he'd bought for her. It had been worth almost as much as Milky's annual salary. Stupid kid...stupid...but...it was sweet. Rainbow was amazed Derpy could even keep it together like this. Normally, the girl was goofy...cheery...but after Milky had been mauled to death...Rainbow felt a wave of nausea just thinking about it all.

"Okay...is...Red the big guy you were talking about to Tank when you were drunk that one night?" Rainbow's face turned beet red.

"Uhh...n-no! Somepony else." The two mares stepped up to Sweet Apple Acre's farmhouse with several bags of luggage in tow.

"Oh....I can tell you're lying, though...don't get too attached to him...you might lose him..." Rainbow felt horrible. What were you supposed to say to something like that?

"It's gonna' be alright, Derpy."

"Sure." Rainbow reached over to her roomie and rested her hoof on her shoulder. Derpy didn't even react. That worried Rainbow.

"Thanks for watching Tank while I was gone. Fucking...Gary...that cocksucker! He didn't even give us an eviction notice!" Gary did indeed suck cock...and a lot of it. Not literally, though...figuratively. The old miser had been through several failed marriages...he'd even made a pass at Rainbow once! He'd offered amnesty on her rent, if she'd sleep with him. (Ewwww...nasty, old fucking...)

The older stallion had tossed the two mares out on their asses, stacking their belongings along the hallway of their apartment complex. After Rainbow had left the cafe...and the confrontation with Flitter, she'd gone to visit her mother and friends for a while to calm her down...she hadn't known about the eviction. She'd gotten back to the apartment at around midnight...Derpy had been sitting next to the door crying...she'd been holding Tank in her lap. Rainbow knew Flitter hadn't had anything to do with the eviction, despite what she'd threatened earlier. The sadistic cunt wouldn't lie about a threat...it would remove the satisfaction for her. No. This had been a mere coincidence. If only they had managed their fucking money better!!...why couldn't Rainbow be more mature?! Like her mom?! (No...not like Mom...) Rainbow knew that moving back in with her sad-sack of a mother would likely drive her to suicide. It was bad enough that it would only reek of failure on her part...nope. Living on the farm was her only option. Derpy sniffled. Rainbow reached over and patted her shoulder.

"Seriously, Ditzy...thanks for watching Tank and making sure no pony stole our stuff." Tank was sitting on Rainbow's back, occasionally shifting his weight to keep from falling off. Derpy was almost as fond of the little tortoise as Rainbow.

"You're welcome...so...uhh...you said they wouldn't mind us staying here? How long can we stay?"

Rainbow looked over at her wall-eyed friend...Rainbow could see the drying tears on the mailmare's face shimmering in the moonlight. She'd suffered enough lately. After the death of her soon-to-be fiance, she'd had nowhere else to go...Rainbow couldn't just leave her behind like that...and fucking Gary!! The perverted, old asshole deserved a fucking beat-down at the very least. (Maybe Mac can...no...I can't ask him to do that...) But the temptation was there...she might've even done it herself.

Rainbow and Derpy weren't exactly good friends, but they had a friendly relationship. Cloudia had told Rainbow before moving into the apartment to never room with a close friend. The potential for fighting over rent was too high...it could kill the friendship. Derpy had practically been the perfect roomie (except for that one night...*shudder*)...she was rarely home, and she never ate any of Rainbow's food in the fridge. She had always been sleeping over at Milky's apartment. The two of them were always at it like rabbits at his place...that had been after Rainbow told Derpy that she'd heard the two of them that one night they decided to go at it at in Derpy's room. (The friggin' walls were made of clouds! I heard....ugh...EVERYTHING! Gross, man...) And there was another reason it had bothered Rainbow....it made her a bit jealous. It had reminded her of her complete lack of a love life.

"Me'n AJ go way back, like I said. It'll be fine. We can just do some chores'n shit to pay 'em back. They got plenty of room here. AJ said she's got two empty rooms in the farmhouse...it's gonna' be alright. I promise." Rainbow rapped on the farmhouse screen door with her left hoof. She heard a shifting chair inside the kitchen...followed by the sound of a set of massive hooves shuffling towards the door. Mac was still up. (Thank God it's him...) The door opened...it was indeed her unrequited crush.

"Rainbow? What're ya' doin' up this late? What's goin' on?" John Apple's beloved visage was enough by itself to make Rainbow feel better. She could tell he'd been drinking a little...he still managed to be handsome, drunk or not. Gorgeous even. (...baby...I'm still not brave enough to tell you...)

"H-hey, Red...I...uhh..." He nodded. Had he figured it out already?

"S'alright. You can put yer stuff in one a' them guest bedrooms upstairs. Just be quiet. Ya' don't wanna' wake AJ or Granny up...let me deal with that in the mornin'." He was...he was...how could anypony be this sweet?! This understanding?! How in the fuck wasn't he married or at least dating already? What Flitter had said about him earlier...(NO!)...that wasn't possible...he couldn't possibly be.

"T-thanks, man...I'm sorry....'specially after bummin' off you..." He shook his head, cutting her off. He turned and saw Derpy standing on the porch, her eyes staring down at the ground. She was shy.

"You ain't bummin', sugarcube...Miss Ditzy...you need a place to stay, too?" Ditzy squeaked, trying to eek out a reply. She was too shy to talk to most ponies...Milky had been her key to the world. If Ditzy didn't have that lazy eye and was a lot smarter, she'd have a lot in common with Rainbow's mom.

"Y-yeah...she got tossed out, too. I'm really sorry 'bout this, Red. I didn't mean to spring this on you guys at the last minute. Are ya' sure it's cool with the two of us staying here?" He smiled at her...she adored his smile...the way it beamed at her. The way it made her feel...her heart would leap...when he smiled at her, Rainbow felt like she could do anything.

"I'll help y'all get yer stuff upstairs...I got a lamp ya' can use fer Tank." She tried her damnedest not to kiss him.

"Y-you're...you're the best, Red...I'm really sorry..." Mac reached out for some of her things to help her carry them upstairs.

"Nah. Lemme' get some a' them bags, girl...woah...dang...hehehe....hard time walkin'....hehehe...like tryin' to walk on fuckin' quicksand!!...."

"Woah, Red! Keep your voice down, dude." He chuckled...how drunk was he?

"Hehehe...oh, yeah...that's right. Miss Ditzy, I can take some of yer stuff, too..." Ditzy quietly complied, passing him one of her bags of luggage.

"Th-thank you, Mr. Apple...", she squeaked.

"No problem...now let's just see...if'n I can NOT break my fuckin' legs goin' up these here stairs...woah!!....hehehehe...." Rainbow was worried for him. He drank too much.

The three ponies somehow managed the trip upstairs without waking the sleeping occupants of the farmhouse. Mac showed them to their rooms. Ditzy went straight to bed...she was exhausted from crying. Mac dropped off her bags on top of her ready-made bed...it was a nice room. Did the Apples have guests regularly? She was...mortified...this was humiliating. Having to ask for help like this...after having taken his money earlier that day. What did he think of her? Was he only letting her stay, because he was completely obliterated right now? Would he be angry in the morning?...(oh, baby....I'm sorry...please don't hate me...) Mac turned towards her and smiled.

"Well....weeeeelllll....welly well....wellllllll...eeyup...fuck...done fergot what I was gonna' say." She giggled. She couldn't help it. He was funny.

"Hehehe...why are you up so late drinking, dude?"

"Oh...no reason, really. Don't need no reason, baby girl. You wanna' come downstairs an' join me?" She nodded.

Maybe he could cheer her up. The past week had been pretty depressing. They quietly went downstairs. Mac pulled out a chair for her at the kitchen table. He procured a shot glass out the kitchen cabinet and set it down in front of her. She saw the bottle of bourbon from which he'd been drinking. He hadn't been using a glass himself. Rainbow saw AJ's dog, Winona, meandering around the kitchen, poking her nose at her food bowl. Apparently, the hub-bub had awoken her from her blissful nap on her nearby tan pet bed.

"Oh...did you want me to drink with you?" She was nervous again...she couldn't handle liquor very well.

"Not if'n ya' don't want to or nothin'. This is some strong stuff, sugarcube. I just reckoned ya' might need a drink after gettin' evicted an' all. You been havin' a rough week, sweetheart."

"Oh, no...it's cool. I'll drink with ya', dude. But...uhh...you don't have any beer in the fridge do ya'? This stuff is a little..." She could smell the powerful fumes coming off the bottle. It made her nauseous.

"Nah, I'm sorry. We don't. This is it, I'm afraid. AJ an' Granny don't drink. An' I ain't drank just beer in years." This surprised her. Rainbow had thought AJ would be a bit of a drinker...maybe it was just a country stereotype...

"Hey, it's cool, dudebro. Pour me one. Thanks." He poured the acrid-smelling, amber fluid into the small shot glass...she could practically see the fumes coming off the stuff. Her stomach turned. How could anypony drink this shit?

"Yep. No problem, girly...nope....eenope...no problem...yes ma'am...an' here we are, huh? Standin' at the precipice. You see them bats, sweetheart?...hehehehe..." What...what the fuck was he talking about? How drunk was he?

"Uhhh...okay...whatever, man." She pulled the glass of pungent booze towards her...she looked down into the glass, watching the distortions of her own reflection in the amber liquid. How long...how long had Mac been down in the bottle? She felt a twinge of pity...how much was he hurting? Like her?

"I know ya' been havin' a rough day...I 'member you looked like ya' were gonna' cry outside the cafe...what happened, pumpkin?" Rainbow smiled. He'd just used her mother's pet name for her. For some reason...she didn't hate his using it. It was...cute.

"Aww...nah, dude. It was nothing. I uhh...I just heard my mom was sick from Flitter...so I like...uhh...had to go see her. That's all. She's fine now." It was a terrible lie. He saw through it...he raised one eyebrow. Even in his drunken state, he saw through it.

"Hmm...I ain't gonna' press the issue, sugarcube. Sure ya' can handle that stuff? I could probably use that shit to strip the veneer off this here table...hehehe...." The big stallion grabbed a filterless cigarette out of the red and white pack of Mareboro 100's sitting on the table. He lit it up with butane lighter lying nearby.

"Uhh...yeah! Totally, dude! I ain't a lightweight!" She didn't want to look like a wuss in front of him...look weak. She had to look tough...look cool. She decided to just go for it. If she didn't think about it and just drank it really fast, maybe she wouldn't taste it...(right?) She grabbed the shot glass in one hoof and tossed the shit back...

"Woah, Rainbow...ya' don't wanna' overdo it or nothin'..." She ignored him.

But...the powerful liquor's effects were felt immediately. Fire and damnation coursed through her very being. She felt like she was on fire! Burning brimstone coursed through her veins...the liquor hit her stomach like a glob of molten rock. How could anypony drink this shit!? The taste was utterly abominable....like turpentine with a gasoline chaser. Her eyes watered...she felt as though she was going to upchuck on the table...she couldn't...she had to keep it down. To impress him. She composed herself.

"N-nah, dude. It's cool. Gimme' another!" (Are you fucking retarded, Rainbow?!!) Mac shook his head and grinned...he poured her another. He turned the bottle up afterwards...she watched him chug the amber fire-water like well...like water. Was this guy bionic or something?!

"Go easy on that stuff, baby girl. It ain't nothin' to joke about. Anyway...sure you don't wanna' talk about anythin'?" She kind of did now...the liquor had lowered her inhibitions.

ALL of them. She wanted to talk about everything that was wrong in her life with him. And...he looked...so...(goddamn, baby...) Somehow...even though he was completely blitzed...he was still so sexy. That nonchalant grin on his face wreathed in tobacco smoke...his brown Stetson's brim pulled low over his eyes...mysterious. The muscles...the freckles...she could feel the warmth of the bourbon spreading throughout her body. Blood rushed to her face and ears...and to her nethers. She bit her lower lip, trying to hide her arousal. Her wings twitched involuntarily. (Oh, crap...not now!) Maybe another drink would calm her nerves...she tossed the caustic liquid back a second time. It wasn't so bad now...maybe it was because the first shot had numbed her tongue a little bit...her head was clouded with desire...need. She was...empowered. Maybe she could do it now. Tell him...

"H-hey, Red..." Her heart was pounding. Her forehead sweaty...she squeezed her rear legs together, trying to suppress her arousal.

"Yeah, Rainbow? You okay, pumpkin?"

"U-uhh...I got somethin' to tell you...'bout my...uhh..."

"Yeah? Take yer time..." He smiled at her. She suddenly hated his hat...the way it hid his eyes in shadow. She wanted to see the eyes. The beautiful eyes that haunted her dreams. Her heart was racing. She was afraid it was going to explode.

"Y-you....uhh...so...why don't you have a girlfriend?" The question had been too direct. She hadn't led up to it. The liquor had hammered her brain, preventing her from making the proper correlation. The question sounded almost...random.

"Hehehehe...well....that's a bit complicated, sugarcube..." Oh, no...he wasn't. She couldn't handle it. If he was..."batting for the other team" like Flitter had said...she wouldn't recover. She'd be crushed...her heart would turn to red dust, ground under the heel of a hobnailed boot.

"Um...so...whaddya' mean?...can...can I *hick*...get another shot, dudebro?" (Stop...stop talking...stop drinking, stupid!) (No...keep drinking...keep talking...kiss him...pull him towards you...take him....fuck him...make him yours...) The thoughts were errant. Dissonant. Desire and reason were clashing in her mind...a battlefield that was now drenched in blood.

"Alright...but I'm gonna' cut ya' off, if'n get too wasted, Rainbow. I ain't 'bout to letcha' get alcohol poisonin'." He poured her a third shot. She felt...good. Powerful. Still a little nervous...but strong. Lust coursed through her...her heart ached. She needed him. Wanted to tell him. To have him. To feel his tongue on hers...to feel him on the inside...make her whole again. Her wings twitched again, threatening to "pop feather" at any moment.

"Oh, whatever, man! *hick*....uhh...so why's it all so...uhh...fuckin' complicated? Pretty much every mare in town is after ya'..." Did she sound pathetic? Desperate? Well...she was. She was intoxicated by two things: love and booze. Which was stronger, she wondered?

"Well...some things just ain't simple...think 'bout graves fer a minute...graves are like windows...letcha' see what happened wrong in the past." What?

What did that mean? Philosophy all of a sudden? She remembered how smart AJ had said he was...a genius...was she worthy to even try? Fear and doubt plagued her. (Just...just kiss me...please...I'm too scared to try...please, baby...) Maybe one more shot would give her enough courage...she didn't care if she was homeless...wretched. It was a chance. They were drunk. One romp together...maybe that was all they needed to be together. Then he'd realize...then he'd take her for himself...she'd take him for herself. Maybe being worried about him seeing her as "slutty" had been a mistake...what if physical intimacy was just the thing he needed to develop feelings for her? It was a stupid idea...she knew it.

But...it was still an option. Maybe making love to her in the pale moonlight...maybe then he would see...see that they had the same soul. Love her. To stop the pain. The cold, lonely pit she had where her heart had sunk...(..baby...it hurts...take it away...make me feel okay...normal...good...) They could be one. Together. She'd never let him go. She'd worship him. He deserved it. She looked at him...the pale moonlight shined through the kitchen window, illuminating every glorious inch of his muscular form. He was...beautiful. Perfect. A god. She didn't care how ridiculous that sounded. She turned up the third shot...the burning liquid coursed through her, numbing her faculties and dulling her fears. Now or never.

"F-fuck that...that ain't like...what...what I asked...you're not like...gay or nothin' are ya'?" WHAT?! NO! Stop talking! She was ruining everything! He would hate her! (Stop!...please stop.) But the red stallion only chuckled.

"Hehehe...nah...ain't like that, Rainbow...I just ain't like most stallions is all, I guess. Or maybe I am? Maybe I'm just more honest 'bout it all. I done told ya' this before, though..." Had he? Oh...when they were talking about Lyle Sixstrings...even in her drunken state, she felt embarrassed.

"Oh...yeah. Sorry...but like...if you are...it's cool! *hick* I totes understand, bro. I ain't like most mares, so I'll understand...*hick*..." Shit! That came out wrong...why? Why couldn't she shut up!?

"Hmm...I'm aware of that, Rainbow...but...I made some bad calls back in the day...just don't wanna' repeat 'em is all. What about you, sugarcube?" Terror raced through her mind.

What should she say?! Should she tell him now? Was it the right time? Should she lie? Tell him that she had experience? That she wasn't an awkward virgin? (sort of...sort of...) Or did he like that sort of thing? Would he think she was a "good girl?" But...he liked tough ponies...where did any of this fit in with that classification? She felt nauseous.

"Uh..oh...I uh...I guess..." He nodded.

"S'alright. Weren't none of my business askin'. Just ignore my drunk ass." She wouldn't ignore his ass in a million years. Preferably, she'd like to have her rear hooves wrapped around his waist while feeling the contours of said ass...but that was...too soon...and unlikely. She really had some pent-up frustrations. (...maybe he can take me upstairs and help me "release" 'em...hehehe...man...I'm fuckin' lame...) She felt like a tool. She had to watch out...her wings were twitching...any moment..

"Nah, man. You're cool. I mean...we're good. Like...uhh...havin' a hard time thinking with words right now...." He chuckled.

"That stuff is powerful, Rainbow. I done warned ya'. Hehehehe...." At that moment, her wings popped out...they were painfully erect. Mac hopped back in his chair with surprise. Rainbow could've easily died right there...if a small, black hole leading to nowhere had opened up in the floor, she would've jumped in with only the quietest murmur of gratititude. She covered her eyes with her hooves. Mac was confused...maybe...maybe he didn't know what the wings' rigidity meant.

"Huh...that was...bit of a surprise. I don't quite 'member what them wings poppin' up like that means...read 'bout it in a physiology book on Pegasi once...what was it about?...man..." She breathed a sigh of relief...he didn't know...(thank God...)

"Uhh...just like...it happens sometimes...like when the doctor hits your knees with that little, rubber hammer during a physical, ya' know?..." Maybe she could play it down.

"Hmm...like an involuntary reaction? Muscle spasm or somethin'?" Sure. Whatever he wanted to believe was fine...as long as he didn't know the true causation, she was happy.

"Uhhh...yeah...something like that..."

"Funny you should mention that. I wonder why it's mostly female Pegasi that seem to do that, when I'm around..." She giggled...to be so smart, he sure was slow to catch on.

"Hehehe...yeah...gee...I wonder..." The heat from the liquor and pleasure from her erect wings were making her a bit goofy...she had to be more guarded, or she'd make him uncomfortable.

"Well...there was that one feller who worked at the Mayor's office as her secretary....same thing happened to him. So, I guess it ain't a gender selective sorta' thing." She broke into a fit of giggles...she knew exactly who Mac was talking about. The Mayor's former secretary was a somewhat renowned "queen" in Ponyville. He had moved to Manehattan, seeing as the pickings were slim in the small town. How could Mac be so naive? She couldn't help but giggle...she almost fell out of her chair.

"Hehehehehe!!...yeah, I guess it isn't....happens to the best of us....hehehehe.... So like...we're still gonna' keep training and stuff, right?"

"Yeah. Ain't nothin's changed. Just...maybe not tomorrow mornin'. Let's take a little break until we get our heads on straight, okay?" She giggled. She wasn't sure why. It wasn't particularly funny...maybe it was the remnants of her getting tickled by Mac's lack of "awareness." But at least they still had the same game plan. They were still together...partners.

"Cool, man. Cool...so...me'n Derpy can like...help you guys out with chores'n stuff. I feel bad mooching." He lit up another cigarette. He was on his third one. How could he run so fast as much as he smoked?

"Of course. If ya' want. Don't feel obligated or nothin'. Let me handle AJ an' Granny tomorrow, too. I'll make 'em listen to reason, if they ain't too keen on y'all stayin' here. Well...two of ya' stayin' here...AJ done said ya' could stay. Don't think she was countin' on Miss Ditzy, though." She smiled. He was the sweetest guy alive. There wasn't a kinder stallion in all Equestria. (...but...except maybe for Dad...maybe...)

"Thanks, bro. I really *hick* 'ppreciate it. I'll try not to be so...like annoying an' shit...can I get another one?" He hesitated...he was worried about her. But she needed it. She had to ask him. She was delaying it. She wouldn't have another chance like this.

"Alright...but this is yer last one, sugarcube. No more after this, alright?" She nodded...her mind was clouded by an inebriated stupor...the heat between her legs was building. (...tell him...tell him right now...I need this...) He poured her another shot.

"Thanks. You don't mind Tank staying?"

"Why would I mind a tortoise, if we got a damn dog shittin' all over the place?...heheheh...nah. He's fine." She tossed back her final, fourth shot of bourbon. Her body was quivering with heat now.

"Hehehehe....Well...the little guy can be a handful sometimes. You just don't know it yet."

"Can't be much more trouble than Winona." Winona had perked up at the sound of her name and hopped up into Mac's lap. He grunted with displeasure...

"You okay, big guy? Hehehehe..."

"Ow! Danggit, Winona! Watch the boys!" Apparently, Winona's sharp toenails had scratched Mac's more..."sensitive bits." She needed those. That fucking dog better watch it.

"Hehehe...I think she likes you, man." Little wonder. So did Rainbow.

"Aww...she's a good girl...just a little rambunctious is all...who's a good girl?" He petted the little border collie while she licked his face. Some rather errant thoughts about "licking" brought another wave of heat to Rainbow's cheeks and body...(man...I'm friggin' perverted...) She really would've liked to switch places with that fucking dog.

"Hehehehe....aww..." Mac set the little collie down on the floor of the kitchen and turned back towards Rainbow.

"So...Mac...you're like...really down to win this competition with me?" It was a lame question. It was just an opener...but Rainbow wasn't sure what it was opening. She was fairly drunk at this point.

"Eeyup. But I just wanna' say somethin' 'bout our trainin'..." She perked up with worry...what was he going to say?

"Yeah?"

"I'm gonna' put everything I got into trainin' with ya'...I already told ya' that..."

"Yeah...so uhh...what were you gonna' say?"

"Well...lemme' finish...but I can't neglect takin' care of the farm an' my family fer all this..."

"Of course, dude! I don't wanna' cause any problems with you an' your family..."

"Don't worry. You ain't. But...my Pa had a sayin'...it's pretty much reserved just fer this kinda' situation...chasin' dreams when ya' got business to attend to..." What was he driving at? He wasn't...he wasn't trying to bail on her was he? She felt nauseous again.

"Okay...so?"

"Don't kill the sun to make the stars seem brighter." What?

"Uhh...care explaining all that?"

"We're chasin' this far-off goal...we might not even win anythin' at all. So, I gotta' make sure I don't lose what's right in front of my face. You neither, sugarcube." Oh. That made sense. She blushed. He was smart...she wished she was smart...did he like smart girls? (...like...Twilight?...fuck...)

"Oh...okay. I getcha', dude. Don't worry, though! I'll work my ass off on the farm. I'll help you guys as much as I can! Pinkie Pie promise!" Mac's eyes filled horror.

"Hell no! None of that Pinkie Pie shit! Hehehe...I know better'n to make THAT kinda' promise...it ain't worth it!" She giggled.

"Hehehe...I guess, man...alright...but...I got somethin' else to tell ya', Red...somethin' important..." This was it. Now. Now or never.

"Yeah? What, sugarcube?"

"Do...do you...uhh..." He stared at her...she couldn't see his eyes under the brim of his hat. She was grateful now...for the shadows that wreathed those burning, angelic eyes. They couldn't judge her...make her feel so vulnerable.

"Somethin' wrong?"

"N-no...I just...thanks for takin' me'n Derpy in like this, dude. It means a lot." (Coward!!...you...coward...weak..pathetic..)

"'Course, Rainbow. I'd never leave a friend out in the cold like that." He smiled at her. He was...so cute...the way he beamed at her...

She had chickened out. Again. She would never be happy. Never have him. Never feel his warmth. Her stomach flipped...the nausea had set back in. How could she have wasted such a golden opportunity?! But...maybe she deserved this. This loneliness...this isolation. Maybe she'd earned it. She didn't deserve him. He was a god after all. And she was just a measly peasant picking turnips. He was a king. A stately being...and she was a filthy peasant girl who groveled at the hooves of her master...the master who held her heart at a distance with a cruel, barbed chain. She deserved this pain. This fucking...ridicule. This weakness. She'd earned it through her years of "playing it safe." Through years of cowardice. Years of avoiding life itself. Flitter was right. She was pathetic. She had been nipping at his heels like a little lap dog with her tongue out for weeks now...trying to be his "bro." It was safe. Comfortable. He wouldn't reject her as a friend...but he'd reject her as a mare. It was her greatest fear. And she'd failed to conquer it. It was no wonder Flitter loved to torture her...no wonder. She was a wretched, little coward. It was the true reason she couldn't tell him...the fear of rejection. Not Mac...not John. She couldn't take it.

"Thanks, man...you're the best." He was. Better than she deserved. She was crazy. She loved him. She barely knew him. It was crazy. But she loved him.

"Nah...I ain't even in the runners-up fer that award, sugarcube. I reckon yer 'bout ready to hit the hay, huh?"

Then...a thought occurred to Rainbow...what if...what if that adage about "killing the sun" and "making the stars brighter" had been referred specifically to her somehow? She knew it was a stretch, but it made her wonder...was Red talking about...her? Was she what he'd meant was right in front of his face? Or was it the other way around? Another thought occurred to her...did any of that proverb apply to her own life? It made sense...she'd been chasing dreams her entire life with nothing to show for it. Her mother was dead inside...a shell of her former self. Rainbow had been trying to become a Wonderbolt for years...she showed promise, but she also knew that getting on the team was an "insider's affair." Nepotism...and the like. It wasn't based on sheer talent, otherwise she'd have been made fucking team captain by this point. Was Mac what had been in front of her this whole time? Or was he just another childish dream she'd concocted? A fantasy...and then the nausea took hold...

...Rainbow vomited all over the table.

Bossman was grunting and sweating with exertion. Little wonder...he'd been jackhammering this bitch for over an hour now. He thrust his hips into her over and over...she squealed with ecstasy...he was a master at his craft. He'd had decades of experience. He pushed her head down onto the headboard with one hoof, leaning over her while slamming her womb from behind. He could feel her contractions...gripping his member...he knew what that meant. This would be her fifth orgasm. This would be his first. The vasoconstriction from all the meth made it hard to climax. But he was a practiced lover. (...I am the father...the mother...the killer of life...bleedin'....) The speed...he'd been on it for years. He knew his limits...he knew what to do. He was close. He looked down at his partner...she was skinny. Speed...heroin...every-fucking-thing... She'd been hooked on his junk (both kinds a' fuckin' junk!! HAahahAHAH!!) for over two years. Her pretty, soft yellow coat was dull...her lovely sky-blue mane was tangled. One side of her head had been shaved to form a punkish, tribal-style mohawk. He liked her. She was a good earner. And a great lay.

"...b-baby....oh....fuck....OH!! GOD!!!..."

"You rang?! Ahahaahahah!!! You on the pill, baby doll?! Hahahaha!!!" It wasn't as though he cared. He hadn't planned on pulling out anyway. (FuCk IT!!!)

She was close again...he lifted her completely off the filthy mattress and into his hooves. He turned her around to face him...she was looking at him with adoration...he stuck his tongue in her mouth, entangling hers in his own. She had feelings for him. It had been two years since he'd kidnapped Sunny Day while she was walking down one of the roads of his Badlands encampment. She had been a runaway from Appleloosa. Her wealthy Manehattan family had moved out to "The Sticks" to get away from all the noise and concrete. (Bad call, motherfuckers!! She's mine now!!) She had only been 17.

"B-baby...!!....don't stop...p-please!!!" She gripped him with a desperate longing. He couldn't feel what she wanted him to feel.

He'd met her out on the roads...she'd been alone. He'd forced her to fellate him at knifepoint. After "christening" her face, he'd dragged her back to his camp. He'd tossed her in one of the camp's huts. He'd raped her...over and over. After getting her hooked on his junk, he'd gotten complete control of her...her mind...her body...her heart...(no...not that...I ain't got no fuckin' heart no more...nothin'...) Sunny kissed him...she wanted him to love her. And ponies called him crazy!! He had no capacity for love anymore. All there was was the animal. The hate. The anger. The vacuum. (The shapeless...the deathless...remorseless...).

"...oh....p-please!!...I'm gonna'...b-boss! BABY!!!!" She came. Hard. He felt her essence trailing down his member. He kept thrusting. His turn.

"Pop goes the weasel!!! YEAH!!!" He bucked his hips into her one last time, filling her with his "love." Her tongue lolled out of her mouth...she moaned. Her eyes had rolled into the back of her head. Her hooves massaged his back lovingly. He pulled out of her, his seed dripping onto the already soiled mattress. He dropped the pretty thing on top it with no warning.

"Ow! Dammit, boss! At least gimme' some warning 'fore just dropping me! Ouch..." He began pulling up his cargo pants and buckling his belt with his hooves.

"Hehehe....spontaneity is the spice a' life, baby doll. Dontchu' go nowhere now...I'mma' go light up..." He walked into the nearby bathroom on his rear hooves. He'd been walking on two legs for years now. He rarely walked on four anymore.

"You gonna' fuel up for Round Two, Bossman?" Sunny posed suggestively for his benefit. She'd gotten a taste for their meth-fueled romps. (...addicted to cock...addicted to rock...) He grabbed a loaded pipe off the counter of the bathroom sink.

"Eenope. I gotta' take care a' some business first."

She pouted at him. He didn't give a fuck. If he told her to cut her own throat while he was fucking her ass, she would. He could cut a hole in her...fill it...cum in it...she had no will of her own anymore. He owned her. Her mind was his. (...ANiMaL....) He lit the pipe and took a heavy drag. The rush hit him immediately. It was an electric shock to his mind...a white dragon breathing fire...power straight in his fucking veins. His muscles hardened. He ground his teeth together. He'd been doing this for years. Nothing mattered anymore. Except for the moment. The party never stopped. But he didn't care. (...the vacuum, motherfucker...) He'd long since lost his equinity...he wasn't a pony anymore. He was an animal now. He'd been bowing down at the altar of a chemical god for years...Lord Meth...a dopefiend. He'd done it all. And would continue to do so. He looked into the mirror...he had no reflection...no true reflection. The ragged, bearded face meant nothing to him. He could see the Void. (...I already done jumped in...) He was invincible. Nothing could hurt him. (I got a nothing-face...a nothing-face...hehehehe....FuCK!!!!) Because he was nothing. How could you hurt nothing?

"I'll hop in the shower real quick then...after you're done in there."

"Fine. But I gotta' get in there, too, in a bit. Just don't use all the hot water, or I'll break yer fuckin' legs, Sunny." She giggled. Cute. She thought he was joking. He wasn't. Bossman reloaded the pipe with a few more grams of crystal. The potency always waned after the first few hits.

"Mind if I get a hit, boss?" He tossed her the pipe after a few more drags. She'd need it. He wasn't going to be gone for long. It was a good thing she was bandit, too. Normal mares couldn't handle his cock. He'd fuck them apart...make them bleed.

"Sure thing, baby doll. You don't go nowhere, ya' hear? Imma' be back fer that ass in a little while." He sat down on the dirty bed and began pulling on his fur-lined boots. Sunny finished her hit and set the pipe down on the nightstand. She cuddled up to him, his back still facing her. She rested her chin on his shoulder...for a moment...just a second...he felt. He felt...something. But no. Not truly. Nothing. (...dead...dead....Imma' dead boy...dead boy floatin', motherfucker...)

"Ya' know, boss....if ya' ever...ya' know...need to get your rocks off...you don't need to fuck the merchandise. Ya' always got me, man. I'm here...I'll take care of you..." He roared with laughter. He'd fuck whatever he wanted to fuck. He ignored her.

"When'd you get soft on me, bitch?" She kissed his neck and embraced him, her hooves wrapped around his waist. He could feel a sudden moistness on his back. She was weeping. Trying to hide it. Again...almost something...but no. There was no more blue. Only black. And..fucking...red.

"I-I ain't gotten soft, boss! Honest!" He shook her off him. He stood up and grabbed his tactical gear off a nearby chair, fastening the leather bindings and straps across his naked chest. He slipped several wickedly sharp knives and daggers into the scabbards. He cricked his neck, grinding his teeth together.

"I'll be back. Gotta' take care of some shit." He suddenly kicked the hut's door off it's hinges, revealing the pale moonlight that painted the Badlands camp. Fuck the door...he'd eat it if he goddamn wanted...he'd make one of his nearby soldiers fix the hinges later. He roared a whooping cry into the night sky...

"Helllooooooo, JUNKHEADS!!! Your king is here!!! BoW THE FuCk DOWN!!!!!! Every nearby bandit saluted him in the classic Equus Empire way he'd demanded earlier. There would consequences for any Junkhead who didn't salute him. Well...he'd been an officer in the army a long time ago...he deserved no less.

"What's up, Bossman?" A nearby black-coated Pegasus stallion with a red bandana saluted him with his hoof, slapping it across his chest and shooting it straight out in front of him. He returned the salute.

"Evenin', Sky. How's the missus doin'?!"

"Oh...she ain't too happy after you roasted her hubby like that. Can't blame her, man....hehehe..." Bossman chuckled.

"Oh, nooooooo....that's too bad....let's go cheer the bitch up a little, alrighty? LEAD ON!" He manically jumped into the air, pointing his hoof towards a pair of figures tied to stakes in the ground. One figure had been burned, the thick smoke had long since spewed it's final fumes into the blooded sky...the black anointing the virgin, blue expanse of the midday sky hours before. As the pair of bandits drew closer to the unburned figure, they could hear a soft weeping. He approached the weeping mare tied to the stake...

"Awwww...don't cry now, sugarcube! He's gone now. Ain't nothin' gonna' change that. Unless you got fuckin' super powers...hehehehe.....WHEW LORDY!!! THiS MoTherFUcker'S A DoNe ToM TUrKEY!!!" He began rampantly dancing a mad jig, imitating the gobbling call of a turkey. The weeping pink mare looked up at Bossman...her eyes were full of fear and hate.

"Y-you!!! Y-you're a fucking animal!!!" He roared with laughter, his veins pumping with meth-fueled adrenaline...his brain flooded with dopamine.

"Ahahahahah!!! Ya' got that right, baby doll!! But dontchu' worry none! I ain't gonna' roast ya' like this feller. Nah...yer gonna' turn a nice profit."

"...y-you're a monster....who could do this?...oh, God....baby...no..." Bossman leaned down towards her face...it was inches from hers...he whispered softly...

"Shhhh...s'alright, sugarcube. Now listen close...we're gonna' sell ya' to some nice ponies up north...but I'mma' hafta' try ya' out first myself..." Her eyes filled with horror. Sky laughed. Bossman turned towards him.

"Be sensitive, motherfucker!!" Sky laughed and saluted again.

"Roger that, boss."

"I can't...I can't...oh, God...you burned him...You burned him right in front of me!!! Y-you fucking freak!! You're sick....sick..."

"Oh, yeah...like you wouldn't believe, cunt. Now listen close again...I ain't gonna' hurtcha'...that is if ya' make me cum REAL hard!" Bossman grabbed his crotch with one hoof for emphasis. The terrified mare closed her eyes and began weeping hysterically. Sky pulled him away to talk to him privately.

"Yo, boss...I got all that datura root, flowers, an' mushrooms an' shit like you asked...we seriously down to do this?" Bossman knew that to which he referred. It was a plan he'd been concocting for months. It was rather ambitious for a bandit king.

"Oh? Well, golly gee, that's fuckin' lovely! Now we just need to wait for the greenlight from our rather esteemed benefactor."

"I gotta' say, boss...this is big! Think about it!"

"Motherfucker! I been thinkin' 'bout it 'fore you was even born! Leave the thinkin' to me! I'MMA FUCKIN' GENIUS AFTER ALL!!" The entirety of the Junkhead's bandit population recoiled in terror.

They were scared of him. Good. Fear was needed to rule. Fear was needed to maintain dominance. And Bossman had dominated all. Even the Buffalo. The local, indigenous people despised the Junkheads...feared them. They had tried to drive his soldiers off the land once. They had failed. Bossman had personally slain their great warchief, Thunderhooves, in one-on-one combat with a pole axe. He'd broken off his left horn and rammed it up his sphincter, and he'd mounted the great creature's corpse on a rock outside the encampment as a warning. He'd managed to terrify even the mighty Buffalo. He was a god. A drug-fueled demon of war. Nothing could stop him. Nothing could hurt him. Because he was nothing. How could you hurt nothing? (...nothing-face...nothing..... Yeah, motherfucker...I'M HIGH!!!)

"I gotcha', boss...it's just...seriously, man! This is a big opportunity! If we pull this off, we can take that entire town! We won't have to live in this fuckin' canyon anymore! We'll live like kings, man!" Bossman shook his head and put his hoof around his lieutenant's shoulder.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk...oh, Sky, my old friend...you ain't neglectin' yer more mundane duties what with yer head in them clouds, are ya'?"

"N-no way, boss. Just excited is all. It's great that we got runnin' water an' shit...but air conditioning would be nice..."

"Ah. I hear ya'. Eeyup. But don't worry 'bout any of that. Leave that to me. Ya' can't go off chasin' clouds an' ferget 'bout what needs doin'. Keep up with traffickin' them shipments. Keep busy. That's our life-blood right there."

"Roger that, boss..."

"Eeyup. Ya' can't neglect what's immediately important in favor of chasin' dreams, boy. 'Member what my ole' granpappy done told me?" Sky shook his head.

"N-no, boss...what?"

"Don't kill the sun to make the stars seem brighter."

The gangly, blue stallion bellowed a mad, whooping cry out into the night sky...the nearby bandits quivered in terror.

Mac immediately regretted letting Rainbow drink so much. This had been his own fault...as usual. He knew she couldn't handle the shit. The signs were all over the place, but he'd wanted her to unwind a bit. The poor filly was stammering with embarrassment...telling him she was sorry.

"I-I'm so sorry, man! I-UGH!!" She upchucked a second time. He quickly jumped to get a kitchen towel.

"It's alright! I got it!" She was done now...she'd emptied the entire contents of her stomach. Mac felt like a complete asshole. He shouldn't have let her drink more than two shots. That bourbon was over fifty percent alcohol!

"I...I'm sorry, dude...hehehe...awww...man...I made a mess...big mess...oh...shit..." She slumped out of her chair and fell to the floor. He quickly ran to her side to make sure she was alright...she was fine. Just a little woozy. He needed to put her to bed. He lifted her up in his forehooves and rose to his rear hooves. She was so light...and her coat felt like silk.

"Hehehehee...I'm a Wonderbolt!! Whoooossh!!" He smiled. She was pretending to fly...like a little kid. It was cute.

"Eeyup. Yer flyin', sugarcube. Let's getchu' cleaned up and getcha' to bed, okay?" She nodded haphazardly. She smiled at him. She was completely annihilated.

He began quietly carrying her up the stairs...he was exceptionally grateful that the three female residents of the Apple family were very heavy sleepers. But not Mac. He'd learned to sleep through mortars, screaming, and musket fire...but the mere sound of a twig breaking outside would be enough to rouse him into full alert. He'd grab his long dagger...stand at the base of the stairs ready to cut down any intruder...any dark manifestation of his own paranoia. Teeth grinding. Hyperthermic. Insane, black things swirling in his skull...horrible, black possibilities of what was coming for him...or his family. Thankfully, the dope and booze could help control it. Usually. He carried the beautiful, little tomcolt into his bathroom, helping her wash her face and get ready for bed. It was awkward. He felt like her father, helping her like this. What did that say about him?

"Hehehehe....sorry 'bout all this, man...that was some strong stuff, dudebro...hehehe..." She was still giggly. He picked her back up into his hooves, carrying her towards the guest bedroom where she would be sleeping. Her wings popped out again, nearly cutting his forelegs. She giggled again.

"Oopsie...hehehe....sorry..."

"No problem, Rainbow...s'alright...let's just getchu' into bed..." She giggled again. Why? He knew she was drunk, but she was even more giggly than ponies normally were while blitzed.

"Alright...hehehe...'bout time! Sounds like a plan! Heheheheee....man...dude...you're like friggin' iron...wow..." (An' yer like silk, angel...blue silk...beautiful...) She was poking and prodding at his chest with her hooves. He was exceptionally grateful for the natural crimson hue of his coat.

"Here we are, Madame. This is yer stop. Keep all hooves an' wings inside the train 'til you exit, please." She giggled at the lame joke...she was adorable...angelic. His heart was pounding. Being this close to her...too close. He would only hurt her...hurt himself. The pair of them entered the cool darkness of the guest bedroom. The pale moonlight shone down on her bed. He laid her gently down on it, taking care not to knock over any of her luggage sitting on the floor.

"Thanks, man...thanks for the ride...oh...shit...my head..." He placed one hoof over her forehead. She was okay. She'd hawked up most of the liquor, so she probably wouldn't have much of a hangover in the morning.

"You done drank too much, sugarcube...you need to be more careful..."

"Yeah...like anypony really gives a shit..." That comment cut him. He fucking cared!! He cared...

"I do. I care, Rainbow."

"Hehehe...look who's talkin'...s-sorry...that was mean...hey...I want you to take your money back..." She was trying to lean over the side of the bed, reaching towards one of her saddlebags. He stopped her.

"No. You keep it." She drunkenly shook her head.

"No way, man...I still got about 95 bits left from what you gave me...I spent five on a sandwich...I'm moochin' enough as is stayin' here with you guys..."

"No, Rainbow. It was a gift. You give it back, you'll offend me. Keep it." She suddenly burst into tears.

"I-I...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to...I'm sorry...don't hate me..." His heart melted.

He knew these were likely just "beer tears," but it made him wonder. Something had hurt her. Somepony. Rage consumed his mind...(I'm gonna' find you...cut you, motherfucker...YoU COcKSuckER!!!...) Who could hurt such a blessed, silken little angel? Who was so callous? He would find them. He would hurt them. (CuT YoU!!! CUnT...fuck you...) He wouldn't let anypony else hurt her. She had enough pain. Enough problems. It was why he couldn't be with her. That...that and he was afraid. Her rejection...it would crush his mind further down. (Down into the black...even more...)

"Nah...pumpkin. I don't hate ya'. I 'ppreciate what yer tryin' to do, but I want you keep it." She nodded. The tears streamed down her face, fully illuminated by the moonlight pouring in through the window...like streams of molten silver...she was somehow even more beautiful now. He felt as though his heart would explode.

"Y-you're...you're...awesome, man...I'm sorry about all this..." He smiled.

"S'alright. You get some sleep now, ya' hear?" But she hadn't heard him. She'd already fallen into a deep, thoughtless stupor, quietly snoring.

He smiled again...she snored like a guy. It was cute. It made sense, though, considering her tomcolt personality...her precious, silken little chest began rising and falling with each breath. He caressed her face with one hoof. (love...) He had to...he had no way to control himself. She was gorgeous...the moonlight lit up her sky blue coat like the stars themselves. Her angelic eyelashes twitched. Even her nose stud and lip ring couldn't offset how heavenly the little, winged mare looked in the cold light of the moon. He leaned down and gently kissed her cheek. She was like silk. (I...I love you...I'm so fucked, though...so FuCKINg WrONg!!!) He wanted her... in every way. But he couldn't have her. No. He was poison. Venomous. Like a disease. He laid his head down against her, his face touching hers. She was soft...softer than any fine silk...any substance...and she was warm. Like an ocean of downy feathers lit up by the blue moonlight.

"Goddammit, Rainbow...why?...what's wrong with me, baby?" He didn't really know. Not truly. He just held her sleeping form...

It felt wrong. Like he was violating her. He felt sick. (beast) But he couldn't pull away. (warm...lovely...) Just to feel her soft warmth...it was worth it. Mad thoughts flowed through his cracked skull...like empty holes...insects crawling in and out of them. They scared him...he'd thought about performing oral sex on her...(cunt)...making her feel him. (fuck) Love him...(pain) It was crazy. (insects...crawlin' 'cross the floor to eat me...) The other was worse. (love me...love...) He'd looked at her Cutie Mark..."cutie" was the only word for it...he'd always hated his own being referred to as such. (burn) Not masculine. (soft) He'd thought about getting her Cutie Mark tattooed on his neck...for her to see his mad devotion. (sick) His broken synagogue of love. (burn)

"I ain't right...I'm broken, baby..." He was. Frosted, black tendrils were creeping. They threatened to consume him.

Another thought...this one darker...(killin' me...bleedin' an ocean...) He'd carve her Cutie Mark onto his forehead with his dagger...anointing himself with her soul's purpose and will. (fire) The wound was gaping. (Sick...you're a freak...) He pulled himself away from her by sheer force of will. (Sittin' by the wolves...an' the stars...howlin'...a dog's threnody fer nothin'......I'mma' dig that fuckin' grave...) The grave for his dead self. His bleeding mind. The brain...heart...the colt who died years ago. (I can see my grave...it's like a window...Pa...Ma...what should I do? Oh, God help me...you got me on yer hooves, if I fall in this hole...) His mother and father were laughing at him...like only the dead would laugh. He needed to stop the thoughts. He would use the hammer. The chemical hammer. (CruSH!!) He left the guest bedroom. (Itchin'...it's scratchin', motherfucker...) He walked into his own room. (I'm breakin'...hurry, motherfucker...hurry...)

"I can stop it...I CaN FuCKin' KiLL YoU...I can stop this..." He had only one option. The hammer would stop it. He reached into his other combat boot...he procured another white bottle.

"This here's the fuckin' hammer..." (Crush. Break..fuck it..)

He opened the bottle and took out four white pills...they were the strongest benzodiazepines available...he took out another concealed bottle of liquor...high-proof vodka. Would this be too much? Would he survive? (FuCK IT!!! It's scratchin'...moon above my head's like a halo...) He took the pills in his mouth and took a swig of the potent, Stalliongrad swill...he swallowed. (...swallowin' poison...like it done swallowed me...) Would he wake up? A part of him didn't want to wake up. This might be it. (Baby...I'm sorry...AJ...Granny...Bloom...Ma...Pa...the grave's a window...don't look at me...) He was the freak. (ThE AniMAL...) Bleeding his mind out. How much blood did he have left?

This was his life now...drugs...isolation. Misery. (cut) Getting stabbed with early morning stimulants...late evening opiate enemas...bedtime barbituates...he could organize the thoughts now. They were different colors. Ever since he'd smashed the bear's head in...cracking it open...cracking open the sky like that...he could see the colors. They were everywhere. (...the black...sickness.) They were red, black, and blue...but sometimes. Sometimes...they bled together... (TheY CaN BLeeD LiKe I CaN...together...baby, no...) He was a high monster. A freak. She was the stars...the moonlight had lit up her soft, blue coat like a field of stars. He was killing his sun for her...something he knew he couldn't have. Or keep. He was just filling empty holes now...but the black was digging them faster than he could fill them.

No solace but the bottle...the pills. (Kill me...somepony stop it...oh, God, no......I'M A DoPeFIend!!!) But he suddenly felt it...(the hammer...it's crushed it all down...) A wave of warmth and peace spread through him. (her....like her peace...angel...) He slowly rose to close his door...he locked it. The hammer clouded his brain. It commanded him to sleep. He collapsed to the floor...the hammer had struck him again...hard. (...like a stone upon my skull...) It's commands were impossible to disobey. It ordered him to sleep again. He complied...

...he kneeled at the altar of his chemical lord and oblivion took him.

Author's Notes:

I apologize for this chapter.

I wasn't in a nice place when I wrote it.

I was here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JoJjcfsNNE

Like Mac.