It was April 30th. Still spring. May was just around the corner. Mac knew that the Apples didn't have much time left to finish planting. It wouldn't be easy. The late-summer harvest would be grueling...and then they had the apple bucking season in the Fall. Mac turned to look at his little, Pegasus companion. She was beaming. She enjoyed his company. They were walking along the same country trail from Sweet Apple Acres, heading for Ponyville. Rainbow had wanted to buy him lunch after their grueling bout of speed training that morning. Mac's muscles were sore. He was thankful that all the plowing and tilling was done in the fields. He smiled back at her. It had been two weeks since she'd blown up at him that day they were lifting weights in his personal shed. And...that...since he'd almost kissed her...it had been nearly impossible not to... She had been so vulnerable. .(cute...adorable...a blessed, little angel...blue like the sky I cracked to show the stars...) Downtrodden. She was like him. (Hurting inside.) He'd felt her warm breath on his neck...he'd wanted to (fuck her) kiss her so badly. To share himself with her...but he couldn't. He was wrong for her. He'd destroy (breakfuckdiecut) her. He'd ruin her life. Like he'd ruined his own.

"Yo, Red...you okay, man? You haven't said a word for like five minutes." She was right. He'd been lost in thought again.

"Uhh..yeah. Yeah. I'm fine. I'm real sorry 'boutcha' losin' yer job to them Nimbus assholes." She'd been telling him about it all while they walked to town.

"Thanks, man. But it ain't like...all bad, ya' know? Me'n Derpy can just keep out of Gary's way until we can pay off what we owe. And I'm eligible for rehire! I didn't expect that shit. But...I gotta' have a high diploma or GED equivalent to reapply..." Gary was Rainbow's anal-retentive landlord. Also, he knew she'd likely slipped passed the Imperial Weather Service's education standards (or lack thereof) with help from her mother. But Nimbus had caught her.

"Hmm...I'm sure you can get yer GED, if ya' try. But didn't ya' say ya' were two months behind on rent? Every landlord's got his limit, Rainbow. An' what're you doin' fer money right now?"

"I had a little bit of cash in my savings...don't worry about it, dude. I'm fine." He was worried for her. He really liked (loved) her.

"Not that's it's none a' my business or nothin', but couldn't ya' have used whatcha' had in savin's to pay yer rent?" She was immature...a little bit childish...but she was wonderful.

"Ha! I didn't nearly enough to make rent, dude. But don't worry about it! Let's just go get some lunch, man. I owe ya' for like three meals now." He didn't care. He'd sell his blood (soul) to help her. Anything.

"About that...just let me get the tab, sugarcube. You ain't got enough money to be throwin' it around, okay?" She looked irritated.

"Dude! Like...c'mon! You're making me feel like a freeloader! Just let me pay for once."

"You ain't a freeloader. If ya' were, I wouldn't a' signed on with ya' to do this shit. Save yer money. What're ya' gonna' do when ya' run out?" She rubbed her head with her left hoof. She didn't know. He could tell.

"I...uhh...I'll think of something, Red. I always do. Besides...you guys got enough money problems as is without me mooching off you." They had entered the outskirt streets of Ponyville. It was still unseasonably cold. Not many ponies were out.

"Eenope. You ain't moochin'. An' I got something goin' on the side to bring in extra revenue, so we're gonna' be alright. I 'ppreciate yer worryin' 'bout us, though." She was puzzled.

A week ago, Steel had told him that Mayor Mare could authorize a large bounty for killing the Matriarch, if the two of them could prove her existence. Mac had been scouring the forests and trails in the little bit of down time he had, scouting for any sign of the beast. So far...nothing. Matriarchs were very stealthy and cunning. But he'd find it. The two of them knew she was there. The two stallions were expert trackers. If she slipped up and left anything...anything at all...they would find her. It might take a while, though.

"Okay...but...whaddya' got on the side? You're not whoring yourself out or anything, are ya'? Heheheh..." He laughed. It was their own inside joke. Supposedly, Mac was the town's gigolo.

"Nah. Nah. Nothin' like that. It ain't important. By the way...I wanna' give ya' somethin'..." Rainbow raised her eyebrow. Mac pulled a gold, 100 bit coin out of his saddlebag pouch.

"Oh! Dude! No. I can't take your money...c'mon!" She was proud. Like him.

"It's alright. I can afford it. You need it more'n I do right now."

"Fuck no! I've already bummed like...three meals off ya'. I can't take this, Red...I can't even take money from my mom! Keep it."

"You ain't bummin'...I'm givin' ya' the means to help yerself."

"No. I'm not taking it, dude." He was getting irritated. He just wanted to help her...to give her a chance.

"Fuckin' take it, Rainbow. Just take it. Fer me." She buckled. She was mortified. He felt bad, but he knew she needed the money.

"But..."

"Just givin' you some money to eat on. I know ya' can't cook. AJ done told me."

"What?! Friggin' AJ! Blabbermouth! I can SO cook!!" He knew better.

"Heheheh...not accordin' to anypony who's tried to eat yer cookin'...I heard tell yer the only pony who can actually cook worse than Apple Bloom...hehehe..." She was annoyed...but she giggled. Good. (Cute...angel...just smile...smile...)

"H-hey! I ain't that bad, man! Maybe...maybe not great, but...fuck. Red, don't make me owe ya'. I don't feel right taking this..." She was honest with him...sincere. She was so proud. Independent. She didn't want to owe him anything.

"It's alright, sugarcube. Just take it. You ain't gonna' owe me nothin'. We win that prize money, you can consider us even, alright?" She took the coin and gingerly placed it in her own saddlebag's front pouch. She was still embarrassed.

"O-okay, man. Thank you....b-but I'll only take this, if you let me pay you back later!! Okay?" He smiled.

"Okay. That's fine by me, Rainbow. Just pay me back when ya' can."

"Cool. Thanks, man. You're awesome." He beamed at the compliment.

"I thought you were the sole proprietor of "awesomeness." She giggled again. He loved her voice.

"Nah...I just own most of it...hehehe..."

"That you do." She blushed. She was beautiful...

"Hehehee...if you say so, man. Hey, we're getting close to the cafe. I am SO getting some fries, bro!" He chuckled.

"Hehehe...ain't that counterproductive to our trainin'?"

"Nope. We got fast metabolisms, dude. Besides...I'm fuckin' hungry." Well, she was right. He could see the little bistro where he'd been taking her for a while. It was only fifteen past eleven, so the streets were mostly deserted as always. There was only one pony standing outside the cafe. As they got closer, Rainbow stopped in her tracks.

"Rainbow? What's wrong?" She looked...terrified. Not at all like her old self. (the beauty...the bold angel...)

"Uhhh...can we like...uhh...go to Sugarcube Corner instead today?" What was wrong?

"They ain't got the fries you like at the Corner, Rainbow. What's wrong? You were all set on goin' here not fifteen minutes ago." Mac looked over at the pony in front of the cafe. He could see it was a mare...she was talking on the cafe's public telephone. She had a lilac coat and a teal mane...with a little pink bow in it. (Awww...that's cute. Rainbow can't be...scared of THIS girl, can she? No...must be somepony or something inside...)

"So what?! I changed my mind, dude! Am I not allowed to do that!? Do I need your permission or somethin'?! What's with the twenty questions?!!" She was nervous. Dismissive. He knew he wasn't going to get anything out of her.

"If yer worried 'bout somethin', we can go somewhere else, Rainbow. I ain't gonna' force ya' to go in there." She looked embarrassed.

"N-nah, man....let's just go inside. It's alright." What the hell was going on?

"I know somethin's up, Rainbow. You can always talk to me." He wanted to help her...so badly...she wouldn't let him. (Just let me...what's hurtin' you, angel?...)

"I know, dude...seriously, though. Everything's fine. You worry too much. I was uhh...just...like thinkin' about the lunch specials at the Corner. But you're right. This place has the best fries. That's all." He knew better. They drew closer to the cafe. Rainbow was visibly quivering with fear.

Mac knew it was insane. He knew it was crazy. But he loved her. It was ridiculous...loving a filly he'd only known for two weeks...but he knew it. It was an absolute knowledge. Complete. He'd never felt this way before about any other girl. Of course...you couldn't tell a mare you loved her this soon...they weren't even dating. It was only a friendly business partnership between them. But...no girl had ever woken him from his miserable stupor like this before. His vacuum. Rage. Make him feel alive again. But he was broken. He loved her...he loved her...which was why he couldn't. They would be friends. He would protect her. She was more fragile than she behaved...(soft...angelic...baby, I just...I...) she needed him. It was a pathetic, beta male role to fill, but he was overjoyed to fill it. To just...have her. He couldn't lose her. (I'd lose me, too...lost.) Any way. She was it. The endgame. The last thing he had...his family didn't understand him. He was a foreigner to his sisters and grandmother...only bound by blood. He'd told Rainbow things in this two weeks he'd never thought he'd tell anypony...not even AJ. She was the last thing. The last barrier. The dam holding back the black.

Whatever was in this fucking cafe...whatever was threatening his angel...he would (crush it....fucking tear it....burn it...) He would protect her. He would. At any cost. (I love you...so much it hurts...too soon...why?...why...FuCk...MY....LIFe...BuRNinG!!....FuCK!...AAAuuggHHG!!!)

(Shit...shit...shit...oh, man...why now?) Rainbow was petrified. Why did Mac have to be here? Right now...to see what was going to happen... They drew closer to the cafe. The old, familiar form of Flitter was making some sort of phone call, her high-pitched, irritating voice was audible from a good distance. She was a loudmouth...more so even than Rainbow. She always used that fucking "baby voice" with everypony, pretending to be sweet and innocent. Rainbow knew better. She was sadistic. Flitter was going to humiliate her in front of Big Red. Make her look pathetic...weak. Blackmail her...tell him about what happened...tell him why she was so broken. He knew something was wrong. He was so sweet...he wanted to help. But this was a battle he couldn't fight for her. (Maybe...maybe she won't notic-) The sound of a phone clacking into it's receiver brought a cold wave of dread to Rainbow. Why couldn't she have been alone? At least then...at least...

"Hiya, Rainbow! Nice to see you. Big Macintosh, right? Yeah...I think we've met once. I babysat Apple Bloom and her little friends once. So good to see you again!" So fake. Fucking fake, plastic cunt. Hateful, spiteful...

"Hey, Flitter. How's it going?" She had to play the game. The "mare's game." She hated it. Stallions had it so much easier. There wasn't any of this...backstabbing. This conniving, hateful bullshit. Jealousy. They just beat the piss out of each other, and that was it.

"Great! Just great! I just got off the phone with my dad. He's coming in from Manehattan to visit. Oh! You should totally meet him! He's throwing me a birthday party in a month in a half. You and your friends should totally come! You, too, Big Mac!" She'd rather fucking die than go to her party that her rich asshole of a father put together. She looked over at Mac...holy...he was...he was just staring at her! It was a cold, annoyed look of disdain. He didn't like her either!

"Uhh...I think I gotta' work..."

"I haven't told you what day it is yet." (Fuck...)

"I still probably gotta' work, though..."

"Oh...hmm...yeah. About that...didn't all the local weather ponies get laid off? Did you get another job somewhere?" (Shit, shit, shit!)

"Uhhh...I'm uhh...helping the Apples with the farm! Yeah! I don't think I'll be able to make it. Sorry. Right, big guy?"

"Eeyup." She couldn't have loved him more than at that moment. He was playing along...

"I see...but...I think you WILL come, Rainbow. Call it a hunch. Everypony will be there." Flitter knew. She had enough dirt on Rainbow to bury her. The vicious cunt had a knowing smirk on her face...she had seen how she looked at Mac. Oh...no. Not...(please don't) She had no choice now.

"Uhh...I guess...maybe..."

"Awww...c'mon, Rainbow! We're friends! For old time's sake?" The irony made Rainbow's stomach churn.

"Yeah...okay..."

"Cool! Can't wait! Bring as many ponies along as you want! More the merrier! What about you, Mac? Wanna' tag along?" He just...stared at her. He was so awesome. He saw through her bullshit. He knew she was a sadistic bitch in disguise. But...Rainbow couldn't risk it...she couldn't. She had to go.

"He's kinda' quiet."

"Wow. I can see that. Stallion of few words, huh? Strong, silent type?"

He kept staring.

"Uhhh...okaaaaayyy...so you coming or not?"

He kept staring. His face had darkened into a disgusted snarl. He didn't like her! He was the stallion for her...he had to be. She was more sure of it now than ever...

"Yeah...Big Mac's just not much of a talker and stuff, Flitter. And I don't think he really likes social stuff...like parties'n junk."

"Hmm, okay. But let him say that. Dontcha' wanna' come to the party, big guy? It'll be epic. Lotta' fun!"

She didn't get the hint. Rainbow was ecstatic. Mac only continued his withering stare...it was harsh. Cold. He was staring fucking daggers at Flitter. He knew! Finally! Somepony knew! She had somepony...somepony else to help her...to defend her. Mac didn't so much as snort at her...it was making Flitter nervous! Good. Finally! Let her see how it feels!

"Uhh...okaaaayyyy...so I guess you don't wanna' come along...sure I can't change your mind?" Mac finally broke his silence. His voice was frigid with repulsion.

"Stop talkin' to me. I don't like you." (Fuck yeah, baby! Goddamn, Red...I could kiss you right now! Or any time, really.) He had just broken through all the pretense and bullshit! He just said what he thought! Flitter was dumbfounded.

"U-uhh...w-what?! I...uhh..." She was babbling. Good. Let her feel embarrassment for a change. Mac leaned over to Rainbow and whispered in her ear.

"I'mma' go inside an' save us a table...don't take too long with this bullshit, okay?" He was...was so amazing...

"Yeah. Don't worry about it. Thanks...seeya' inside..." He had defended her. When no pony else had cared or tried...her voice had been shaky with gratitude and affection. She watched him walk inside the cafe with complete adoration. She watched his perfect, sculpted flank as he went. But now she had to contend with Flitter.

"Kind of an asshole, isn't he?" How...how dare...

"No. He just doesn't like sadistic cunts like you!" The tone of the conversation had changed completely. No pony else was around...now Flitter was candid. So was Rainbow.

"Hah! From what I've heard, he's got a thing for cock. Makes sense you'd be hanging around him."

"Fuck you!"

"You'd love to, wouldn't you?"

"He's not like that, and neither am I!!" Flitter knew Rainbow liked him...knew she wasn't that way. But she tortured Rainbow for it anyway.

"Sure. Whatever you say. So...what? You just hang around him, hoping he'll see you for your "inner beauty" or some shit? Hah! You're just his dyke friend." The words hurt...Rainbow knew they weren't true...but they hurt.

"N-no! That's just more of your bullshit!" Flitter knew she had shaken her. She would press the attack. Fuck the open wound...make it bleed even more...

"Is it? So...what's the deal, then? You guys going out yet?"

"Not yet...but..."

"Exactly. You're just another one of his "guy friends." He's just comfortable around you, because he's not attracted to you...AT ALL. You couldn't land a hottie like that in a million years. I mean...just look at you! Seriously. You're a mess. Your mane's all jacked up and messy. Your face ain't anything to write home about either."

"Shut up!" She wanted to hit her. To stop her...but she couldn't. This wasn't the old preacher. Flitter's weapons weren't physical. They were much worse.

"Pfft...and don't get me started on that annoying, scratchy voice of yours. Sounds like my little brother with emphysema. Honestly, you'd have been better off with Gilda." Flitter had a malicious sneer on her face...Rainbow despised it. But if she hit the bitch, then Flitter would retaliate...and it would be horrible.

"Why won't you leave me alone? What's your fucking problem?!" Flitter ignored her.

"Nice little scrapyard you got in your face. Reaaaaaallll edgy, Rainbow. Who are you trying to fool?"

"I've never done anything to you!!" Flitter continued to deconstruct her. To tear her down. Hurt her.

"You know...they probably laid you off from the weather station, because they got tired of you. Can't blame 'em. Surprised that guy can even stand you. He's an asshole, but at least he's got a nice body." No pony else. No pony else had ever done this to anypony else. Flitter was unique. A monster. Why her? Why Rainbow?

"N-no, he's...he's not an ass-"

"So let me take a guess on what your strategy is....hmm...oh! I know. You're hanging around him and trying to be his buddy, hoping he'll make a pass at you? You know...give you some dick? Heheheh...oh...that's...wow. Unless he's got a thing for ugly girls or a sadomasochistic fetish or something, you're pretty much screwed. But not how you want...right? Hehehe....only the most pathetic, self-loathing kinda' guy would even consider looking at your sorry ass." Rainbow was fighting back tears now. Flitter was a practiced surgeon in her field. She could find where you were the weakest and cut you a wound that wouldn't heal.

"Just...l-leave me alone!!"

"Just look at you. High school drop-out...Wonderbolt reject...unemployed fuckup...the list goes on. I gotta' say, though...taking orders from you that one time was pretty fun! You were all serious about doing your job..."let's go get that rainwater!" Hehehee...priceless...but it was even better meeting Fluttershy. I can see why you hang around her. She's the only pony alive who's more fucking pathetic than you. She makes you look good by comparison...then again...she's still prettier than you. So maybe you're even worse off than she is." No. Why? Why did Flitter do this? No other mare in history could be this vicious...this evil...she said things even the most cold-hearted ponies wouldn't say. Rainbow didn't understand...no pony else had ever treated her like this...except...him.

"I-I'm not going to your stupid party!!" It was a weak tactic. An easily thwarted tactic. Flitter would have no problem beating it.

"Oh? You won't? Awww...but me'n Cloudchaser have something special planned for you! Nope. You're coming. You know what I can do to you, if you don't. I can tell everypony about you. I can even tell...Big Mac...hehehe..." No. Rainbow had lost. She couldn't win. Couldn't. She couldn't let anypony know...know how disgusting she was...but she wanted to fight back...somehow.

"F-fuck you!! If you tell him, I'll kill you!!" It was a lie. An unconvincing, unimposing lie. Flitter wasn't a pony you could beat with force...or lies. She was a master of the latter of the two.

"Hahahah!!! Really?! Hehehe...okay...go ahead, then. See what happens, dyke. You might be able to kick some old guy's ass and get away with it, but if you so much as lay a single, greasy hoof of yours on me...heheheh...c'mon, Rainbow. You know the score." Flitter had heard about her scuffle. She knew everything about Rainbow. And she was right. Flitter had dominated her. She had no power here. No power to fight back.

"I-I don't care! Leave me alone!!" She was barely holding the tears back...crying out like a foal. Crying out petty, childish things to Flitter...anything...anything to get her away...it wouldn't work. She had tried this before.

"You don't care? Sure about that? Let's put it to the test...go ahead. Pop me one. You can have a free shot. I promise!" Rainbow knew better. She just looked at the ground...she knew Flitter was right. She was pathetic.

"That's what I thought. Oh, as an added bonus, didja' know my dad owns a lotta' shares in the company that leases your apartment complex? Yep. I got him on the horn with your landlord. You're two and a half months behind on your rent. You know what that means, right?" Rainbow was filled with dread...she hadn't expected this. Surely...surely no pony could be this cruel. Not even Flitter. No...

"Oh, yeah. I can get you evicted tomorrow morning, if you piss me off. So, you're gonna' play ball. Show up to the party and take your medicine. If you're a good sport, I'll leave you alone. Otherwise I'll fuck your life in every way you can possibly imagine...you'll lose your home...your already shitty reputation...even HIM...yep. And you know I'll do it, too. I have a LOT of free time on my hooves." It was the final blow.

It was too much...Rainbow had tried to be strong...to fight. But she couldn't...it was too much. She broke down, sobbing hysterically....she couldn't stop. It's what Flitter had wanted all along. To hurt. To cut. To make her cry. Rainbow was a 14 year old freshman in high school again...weeping in one of the stalls in the filly's bathroom. She was the same 14 year old girl that had just recovered from what happened to her and her father...she had been so hopeful. Optimistic. Life was sometimes tragically funny. Another tormentor had turned up to take...his...place. Flitter had maligned her with an unheard of prejudice...Rainbow had originally thought she was insane. But no...Flitter was just sociopathic. Rainbow would do what she wanted. Like always. And everypony thought she was so independent. Strong. Fearless. What bullshit. Rainbow cared too much. She cared what everypony thought of her. Especially Mac...like she had with her dad...

"Oh...turn off the waterworks already! Always such a fucking drama queen, I swear... You play along, you can keep pretending like you've got some sort of life. And you can keep pretending you've got an honest-to-god coltfriend...even though we both know you don't. And bring as many of your..."friends"...as you can. They need to see what's going to happen to you....hehehe..." So much hate...she hated Rainbow...why?! What had she ever done to her?! In all the years Rainbow had asked Flitter why she persecuted her like this, the lilac Pegasus had never told her. She needed to know...in a sobbing, shaky voice, Rainbow asked again.

"....w-why?....w-why are you doing this to me...I-I....never did anything to you...p-please...just leave me alone...please..." Flitter got up in her face, using a faux-comforting voice...pretending to care...hateful...

"Aww, sweetie! You wanna' know why? Do ya' really?" Rainbow wasn't sure if she really did now. But she dumbly nodded.

"Because I can. Because it's funny. Because it's fun. Nothing beats watching you squirm, you disgusting, little pig. I'm better than you in every way. I can do whatever I want to you and get away with it." Impossible...that couldn't be it. What could possibly be fun about hurting her? Cutting....breaking her...tearing her down...impossible.

"....y-you're crazy! Y-you have to be out of your mind!!...no pony would do this to me...you're crazy...oh...God...why would you do this?!...you're a fucking psycho!!..."

"Hmm. Maybe I am. But that's bad news for you. Not that it matters any. I'm not stopping anytime soon. I'll seeya' 'round, dyke...hehehehe..." Flitter spread her lilac wings and took to the air, her shrill, demonic giggle trailing off as she flew. Rainbow just stood there. Weeping. She was grateful Mac was inside the noisy cafe...where he couldn't hear her...hear how pathetic she was...

She looked down at the moist dirt at the base of the cafe's steps. There was a single hoofprint. It was Flitter's. (the Mark of the Beast...) She was a true monster. Not like a fairy tale monster. Worse. Rainbow and her friends had encountered every imaginable beast in Equestria, but the two most hateful, horrible creatures of all had both been ponies...just like her. They had both thrived on her pain. Reveled in it. Watching her bleed. Watching her weep. Chimeras and dragons didn't even come close...

...they were the real monsters. The animals that preyed on misery. The beasts.

She was hungry. Scared. Ever since she'd come out of the Blue Circle, she'd been hungry and cold. This place wasn't right. She didn't belong here. The sky was not right...the ground was not right. But she had been dragged here anyway...the big, metal hoof-creature had dragged her here itself with the help of two others. It was the biggest and had a strange, metal head unlike the others...it was covered in metal and a white sheet with a shape on it. She didn't know it's meaning, though. There were two other hoof creatures there...when she had come cold and afraid through the Blue Circle to a great, stone hall. There was a tall...stretchy... blue hoof-creature. It had a fuzzy black thing on it's head and over it's face. It made the most noise, whooping and screaming at her. And there was the smallest hoof-creature...it had a soft voice and a red body. It had a strange head-torch like the one sticking up from the metal creature's head. The red one didn't speak at all except to the metal creature. It stayed close to the big, metal creature. Were the two of them mates? She didn't know.

But she knew that the big, metal hoofed creature was the most powerful of the three. It had been the one who'd dragged her through the Blue Circle into this horrible world with it's head-torch. It had been so strong. She had lashed out at it with her great claws, but it evaded her blows. It seemed to blink in and out of the great, stone hall to where she'd been dragged. It's terrible hooves had beat her mercilessly. It was so strong. She was much larger than it...but it was stronger than she was. She was confused. It had dragged her across the stone floor...it had beat her some more while the blue creature laughed at her. She decided that she didn't like the blue one. Or the metal one. But she could resist the blue one. She couldn't resist the metal creature. It shot a burst of light into her head from it's head-torch, and she had felt as though her skull was going to explode. It crushed her down. It bound her to it's will. The beatings stopped. Then it spoke to her...spoke in soft, gentle words...

The big, metal one had started talking to her...talking inside her head...she wasn't sure how it could that. But suddenly she could understand it! It's words were reasonable...kind even. It called her the "May-tree-ark." She didn't know what that meant. It said if she did as it asked, she would have all the meat she could eat and eventually return home. It told her what it wanted from her...it said she had a unique power...a passive ability that could be used in it's world. She didn't know anything about this. She'd never been to this world before. She hadn't initially wanted to come to this cold place anyway.

The metal creature told her that she disrupted the "Roons." He told her that she would go to certain places and nest there for a certain amount of time. He presence alone would interfere with the "Roons." It told her that it had dragged more of her kind through the Blue Circle...to do the same thing. It told her where she was expected to go...she couldn't remember. So, the metal hoof-creature shocked her with it's head-torch...she suddenly knew exactly what to do...where to go...there were visions in her head. She knew how long to stay in each place. Her new master also wanted her to look for the "Twur-Led Sparr-Kewhl."

It said the "Sparr-Kewhl" had a star on it and was very important. Her master didn't have a head-vision of the "Sparr-Kewhl"...she didn't know exactly what it looked like, but the head-vision had shown her where it was. Her master said she was to go find the "Sparr-Kewhl" and eat it. Her metal master said it would be good to eat. The blue creature laughed again. It called her a "Stew-Bed Kont", and it urged the metal creature to beat her some more. She ignored it...thankfully, so did the metal hoof-creature. But she didn't understand. Why would the metal creature want her to eat something so important? Wouldn't it want her to bring it back? It just told her to eat the "Sparr-Kewhl" again and again. She understood. She did not resist. The metal creature was too strong. It would just beat her again. She knew it would have little trouble killing her. A giant corpse of a three-headed creature was lying next to the Blue Circle. The metal creature had slain it. It had been an even larger creature than herself. And it had paws...like she did.

The three hoof-creatures told her that she was to be very quiet. She was not to be seen by any other hoof-creatures, or they would not let her go home. She understood. They told her that she was to disrupt the "Roons" and eat the "Twur-Led Sparr-Kewhl", or she would never have meat or go home. She understood. The little, red and big, metal creatures used their head-torches together and engulfed her in a green light. She opened her eyes to see utter madness. This world was wrong. The trees were the wrong color. The sky was a different kind of blue. The noises were strange. It was cold. It was a bad world. A frightening world. But she would do as she was told...then they would send her home. She would complete her tasks. Then she would go home to where things made sense.

She knew where she was supposed to go. The head-vision had shown her the way. It was a forest. An alien forest. It was full of green trees. It was dark. Cold. She found the right place. It was a big patch of dirt next to a big, rocky wall. There was a cave in the wall. She was glad. She recognized caves. She had lived in one back home. She would make a nest in this cave. It was the only warm place. She would stay there for a while, and then she would seek out the "Sparr-Kewhl." The head-vision had shown that the "Sparr-Kewhl" was nearby...she could seek it out after nesting for a while. She would eat it. Then she would move on to the next place. She hoped this would please the three hoof-creatures.

But the beasts of this world were so strange...some of them flew in the air and had pointed snouts. They spoke in squeaks and chirps. Some were small and fuzzy...they had paws like she did. But they were all wrong. Strange. Not like her. She had come face-to-face with one of the paw-creatures, when she had ventured out of the alien forest once. It had stared at her with dumb, alien eyes. It was not as smart as she. She tried to speak to it, as she had with the metal creature. It ran away. It had been bigger than the others...fuzzy...brown...it was another paw-creature. She could see a strange building...it was green. It looked like it was covered in plants. It had a little bridge that led over a small stream. She stayed away.

She could see there were more buildings in the distance. And big mountains. The buildings were all strange. They weren't at all like the buildings of her own world. The buildings of her home world were built by the Great Two-Leggers. The Two-Leggers were strong...they were massive creatures with powerful magic. They were smarter than she. Stronger. Like the metal creature. She could see more hoof-creatures walking around the buildings. They were much smaller than the blue and metal hoof-creatures from the Stone Hall. They were all the same size as the red, quiet creature, but they were all of different colors...they all had different voices. These were the ones by whom she couldn't be seen. She would have to be careful. Quiet. She would complete her tasks...

...then she would return to the Stone Hall and go back home through the Blue Circle.

"CeeCee...I've still yet to understand why you freed that abominable creature. He's been nothing but a nuisance!" Luna's discontented voice echoed throughout Celestia's private chambers. The two princesses were waiting for the mad draconequus to report in from his reconnaissance assignment.

"Luna...Luna...calm down. I've already told you why." Luna always had only a tentative grasp of understanding long-term goals. This had always seemed strange to Celestia, considering the two of them had lived for hundreds of years. You'd think she'd catch on by now...

"But...but...he's just going to ruin our game! We've only but an hour with each other! Why must we waste it on that hideous...goat...dragon...pony...uhh...thing?!" Like a child. Still a foal.

"I'm sorry about our game, Luna, but this is important. We need to know the goings-on beyond our borders. And inside our borders. Discord is perfectly suited to the task."

"So what if he is? Why can we not use the Interior Ministry? Do they not have spies, as well?" She didn't get it.

"They do, but they're all fully committed to finding Chrysalis and keeping an eye on the Badlands bandits. Besides...they can't turn into a teacup and sit on the Gryphonic Grand Marshall's desk. He CAN. I'm surprised you can't how see how useful he is, Luna."

"But he's not to be trusted, sister! Must I remind you of the Age of Chaos?! He has no allegiance to us! What's to keep him from running amok?" (You've got no foresight, Luna...)

"Luna...sweetie...think for a moment...Discord has no reason to betray us. He's miserable when he's alone. We're some of the very few who can even tolerate him. Do you remember about his attachment to Twilight and her little friends? As long as we humor the lunatic, he'll play along. Besides...the idiot is completely smitten with the two of us...hehehe... And we don't even need the Elements of Harmony to put him back in his prison, should he choose to misbehave. Since you're back to your full strength now, we can just combine our magic and banish him to the Astral Plane...oh..." She had made a grave misstep. Luna looked forlorn. Celestia felt terrible.

"I...see...so...we'll just toss him aside...like me..."

"Oh...no, no! Luna, no...sweetie...I didn't mean that! I'm sorry. We'd only use it as a last resort. And I'd never have used the spell on you, if I could've found some way to help you. If Twilight hadn't found out that the Elements could help you, we may have never been able to free you...you know that I'd never just toss you aside." Luna was so...meek. Vulnerable. Celestia always had to stand up for her.

"I know, CeeCee...I didn't mean to shame you. You made the right choice. If you hadn't done as you did, you would have had to have slain me...thank you..." Celestia pulled her in for a hug. Her little sister was so powerful...but she was a child inside. Fragile. She had to protect her.

"Always remember that I love you...always...I'd never let anything happen to you, if I could help it..."

"I know, CeeCee. But...I have a question..." Celestia let go of her little sister.

"Yes?"

"Discord can take the countenance of anyone or thing, yes?" Celestia nodded.

"Yes...he's got limits, but he can turn into those curtains hanging over the window, if he really wanted to...well...wanted to be curtains. I wouldn't want to be curtains, if I were him. Especially not those damned curtains..." Celestia truly despised them. The curtains' malignant presence in her bedroom was one of the few petty topics she actually liked talking about.

"Uhh...CeeCee..."

"They're hideous...we really should get some new ones, but we don't have nearly enough money budgeted to waste on frivolities like replacing some drab, purple curtains..."

"I wanted to know..."

"I blame the Senate on that one...as usual. Always wasting money on errant, petty schemes. Imbeciles."

"CeeCee..."

"But maybe we could swap these bedroom curtains for the ones in the main conference room. They're a lovely shade of indigo. Oh! I know! We could put them in your bedroom, Luna! They'd complement your eyes and mane perfectly!" Celestia loved interior decorating. It was one of her guiltier pleasures...well, that and binging on sweets.

"I suppose they would, sister, but you didn't give me a chance to..."

"And those old fogies wouldn't notice the swap! Even if they did, what should we care, right? Let them deal with these shitty, purple horrors for a change! Ha! It'd serve them right! Ugh...whose idea was it to put these damn things in here in the first place?" (Was it the chancellor?...no...no, not him. He's got more important things to worry about.)

"CEECEE!!" Celestia was startled from her meaningless tangent.

"Ow! Luna! Keep your voice down! My ears...now why'd you go and do that?!"

"I'm sorry, sister, but I was trying to ask a rather important question. And then you started talking about the curtains." Celestia raised an eyebrow...usually...Luna didn't ask important questions. She usually asked trivial questions like "What time is lunch?" and "Who would win in a fight: Batmare or Spidermare?" (Pfft...that's easy...Batmare hooves down.)

"Ugh...I think I have a headache now...but what did you want to ask me?"

"Well...I was thinking...if Discord can change into anything or one..." What was Luna driving at?

"Yes?..."

"...then how do we know he hasn't been listening to us this entire time?" A cold chill ran down Celestia's spine. She hadn't thought of that. The sound of a male voice answered her sister's question.

"Oh, allow me to answer that for you, my dear princess! Quite frankly...you can't!" Discord materialized next to the two princesses...he had been disguised as one of the hideous, purple curtains the entire time!! (The damned irony!...or it it coincidental?)

"D-Discord!! I've told you not to do that anymore!!! Have some respect for the privacy of others!!" It figured that he'd disguised himself as the most obnoxious thing in the room. Celestia had had an encounter with the mad creature over a month ago...he'd teleported into her bathroom to deliver his last report....while she had been using said bathroom...(perverted creature...ugh...)

"Oh, but the hypocrisy of it all, my dear Celestia! You'll have me violate the privacy of others for political gain, but I'm not to violate yours? Fair enough. You make the rules. You're the boss. The pubar. Head honcho. Queen bee. Sultaness. Raj. Jarl. King and queen of all the land. You call the shots. I'm not judging you...much...hehehehe..." Discord could be fairly trying at times.

"Ughhhh....goddammit, Discord...."

"I told you, sister! This mad beast will be the end of us!" Luna was being a bit overly dramatic.

"Ladies...ladies...please. I meant no harm! Honest! It was...just...so damn...funny...hehehehe...." The hodgepodge creature began cackling.

"Laugh it up while you can, Discord. We've established boundaries, you and I. How long have you been eavesdropping anyway?"

"Long enough to know you're not overly fond of your bedroom's aesthetic. Oh, come now, Celestia. Don't give me that face! How about a smile?" Luna stepped forward, her horn bathed in an indigo light.

"Oh, I shall give you something to smile about!" Celestia stopped her.

"No, Luna. Calm down. As for you, Discord, no more of this foolishness...or else."

"Or else you'll banish me to the Astral Plane? Or have your adorable, little protege turn me back into a stone work of art? Oh, come now! Don't scowl, Celestia. It's not as though I didn't know all this beforehand. I've been around the block all lot longer than either of you, my dears." Luna shot him an angry scowl.

"Fine. But no more of this. You're fifteen minutes late to report in, as well. Keep it up, big guy." The draconequus cackled again.

"Hehehe....oh...yes...I apologize for being late. I was just scouting the secret meeting rooms of some of the world's most powerful leaders. Of several different nations. But, of course, I shouldn't be late! Goodness me! I'm such a terrible person for performing a nearly impossible task for an ungrateful party and arriving a teensy bit late! Clap me in irons! Go ahead. Toss me in the dungeons. I deserve no less."

"That sounds like a wise idea, creature...don't tempt us...", hissed Luna.

"Oh? You're tempted? Maybe you can administer the punishment yourselves, eh? Riding crops and whips? Latex? Spank me? Tickle me with feathers? Whaddya' say, ladies?" Luna's face belied her befuddlement. She didn't catch the rather blatant innuendo.

"Ugh...you ain't all there, are you, buddy?" Celestia shook her head. Luna was still sulking in anger.

"Perhaps, my dear Celestia. But let's all be frank about why you REALLY keep me around..."

"Oh, this should be good..." She sighed. She'd have to humor him, if she wanted him to cooperate. It wasn't a fact of which she was especially proud.

"Let's face it: The two of you are smitten with me." Celestia roared with laughter. Luna was still sulking.

"Hahahah....oh....that's a good one!!..."

"Hmm? You deny it? Oh, but I know better. I'm the light of both your lives. You couldn't bear to live without me. The two of you can hardly keep your pretty, little hooves off me. Can't blame you. I'm rather stunning to look at, aren't I? I should model, really." The mad draconequus teleported on top a nearby coffee table, assuming a Playmare pin-up pose. Celestia could barely breathe, she was giggling so hard. She couldn't help it....sometimes...Discord could be hilarious. It was undignified for one of the rulers of the world's most powerful nation to break into a fit of guffaws like a hyena, but it was still a nice break from her somber duties.

"Hehehehehe....you're...you're out of your mind..." Luna only continued her sulking.

"Oh, but aren't we all, my dear? Don't answer that..."

"Hehehe.....oh....what in the world?....hehehee..."

"I do not see what is the source of all this mirth, sister." Celestia broke into another fit of giggles. Luna was such a dork...but she was adorable. Suddenly, Discord teleported to where Luna was standing, scooping her up and tucking her under one of his arms. She made a little yelp, as the mad draconequus carried her towards the balcony and pointed out at the surrounding mountains near Canterlot Castle. Celestia wasn't worried. Discord wouldn't hurt either of them in a million years.

"Cheer up, my dear! Look at the beauty that surrounds you! An entire land...unspoiled...just waiting for somepony to come shake things up a bit!" Luna wiggled in a vain effort to get free. She hated looking undignified. Celestia had long since stopped caring about such pretenses.

"Put me down, you abominable oaf! I am a Royal Princess! Not a sack of potatoes!" Celestia couldn't stop giggling.

"Oh, but you've yet to see the beauty in a little bit of Chaos now and then. Just a little bit. Not too much. I don't want to engulf the land anymore. That's far too heavy-handed. A little bit of subtlety goes a long way."

"I don't care for your insane proclivities, creature." Luna had ceased struggling against the unimaginable strength of Discord's grip. The lion's paw held her with an immeasurable power...which was no surprise. He was a demigod after all...Celestia would humor him. Then he'd settle down and give his report. You couldn't tame him...you just had to wait for him to get bored.

"Why...just the other day, I visited an indie rock club in Fillydelphia. Some awful, smarmy hipster band was playing...uggh...everypony thinks if they sing in a low, whisper with reverb, they're suddenly "artists." Of course, you can probably guess what I did next." Celestia knew she couldn't possibly guess what he'd done next. That was somewhat the point with Discord. Thus, "Discord."

"Ughhh...what did you do, dragon/goat beast?"

"Why...I changed all their instruments into salmon, as you could've likely guessed. You can imagine their shock when they found that their salmon played like normal instruments. In fact, I think their sound improved a bit. I hadn't known the band coincidentally called itself "The Fishmongers Who Once Loved." Ugh....pretentious, little... If you ask me, I think I've done Equestria a service." Celestia was rolling. There were tears in her eyes. Discord's latest pranks were harmless, thankfully. (And more than a little funny...hehehe...)

"What a delight. Such mirth. You're truly a shining beacon to which we should all aspire, draconequus. Now could you put me down?" Luna's flat, sarcastic tone struck Celestia's funny bone yet again. She actually didn't mind Discord's company now and then.

"But, of course, my dear. Honestly, though...you should learn to lighten up. Life is too short to be so sullen....granted not OUR lives, seeing as I'm over 10,000 years old. You're how old now? Less than 800? Oh, but I've overstepped again, haven't I? It's impolite to guess a lady's age. I apologize." Discord set Luna down on the floor. She stomped back into Celestia's bedroom with an indignant huff.

"I am only 798 years old, you callous, mad brute!" Discord teleported in front of Luna and began tickling the bottom of her chin. She had on her signature "pouty face." (Uhhgh...here we go...)

"Oh, don't be like that, my dear Luna! Let me make it up to you! I shall perform for you the dance of my people!!" Discord procured a top hat and cane out of thin air and began performing a Manebourne Shuffle-type dance to some electro-swing music...that was seemingly playing from nowhere. Celestia knew there was no point in questioning any of this...it was Discord after all. She just broke into another uncontrollable fit of giggles.

"What are you doing now, you insane beast?"

"I learned this move while visiting my niggas in Detrot! Whaddya' think?" Discord dropped to floor and began performing The Worm and various other complicated breakdancing-style moves. Celestia had to admit...he was a surprisingly talented dancer. Of course, Luna was nowhere near as amused...especially not after Discord decided to include her in his mad jigging.

"W-what are y-...let me go, you fool!!" Discord took her by the hooves, twirling her around madly in a frantically-paced ballroom dance.

"Ah, but you're so light on your hooves, my dear!" Celestia wanted to stop him...but...it was...just so funny...(Oh, God...I...I can't breathe!!...hehehe)

"Sister! Stop this madness! Surely no ill-begotten intelligence is worth all this indignity!!" (Well...fun's over.) Celestia composed herself. Luckily, she knew exactly how to stop Discord...it had nothing to do with banishment or the Elements of Harmony.

"Discord! Stop misbehaving, or we'll no longer be friends!!" Discord stopped immediately. He let go of Luna, and the manic electro-swing music dissipated.

"Awwww....you're no fun, Celestia....hmmph!! Fine. I'll stop." Discord began pouting and giving her his "puppy dog eyes." He removed his can and top hat...of course, he ate the cane whole. And the top hat sprouted rocket boosters and flew out the open balcony window. (Don't question it...it's Discord...don't question it...)

"Sister, this creature is a menace! I refuse to allow him to run about unchecked!" Did Luna have no sense of humor at all?

"We need his report, Luna."

"But he's allowed to do whatever he wants! Often to my own detriment!"

"Oh! Now don't fight on my account, my dear princesses."

"We're not fighting over you, draconequus! We're fighting because my sister refuses to see reason! This mad beast is a danger to Equestria!"

"You're just angry he made you look "undignified" or whatever that means." Discord perked up at the advent of their quarrel. He materialized a movie theater seat and a full bucket of popcorn and sat down to watch them bicker. Celestia couldn't help it...sometimes the two sisters argued. Royal Princesses or not, they were still equines and still siblings. They could be petty like any other pony.

"So you're belittling my indignation?! Of course! Like always! Must you always treat me like a child?"

"She's got a point, Celestia. Rebuttal?", asked Discord, who was clearly fanning the flames while munching on his popcorn.

"I only treat you like a child, because you always act like a child! You're always overreacting like this! Why do you have to be so dramatic about every little thing?!"

"Well said, Celestia. Luna...your counterpoint?"

"Overreacting?! You always do this! Always! Belittling my opinion! I am co-ruler of Equestria! I do not deserve to suffer such indignities!"

"Oh, please! What a load, Luna! If you were so worried about looking "undignified", then you wouldn't be divebombing into pig pen's late at night!"

"Hmm...seems a bit hypocritical, doesn't it, Celestia, my dear? Your argument, Luna?"

"'Tis not the same thing! I was trapped in that horrid prison for two hundred years!"

"Oh, don't you guilt me that shit right now! We've just gotten past that!"

"Well, we haven't, so it would seem!! Especially when you show no sensitivity to my imprisonment!" Luna stepped forward, getting right in her sister's face.

"Ooh!! Catfight...catfight...gotta' get a picture of this!" Discord materialized a camera and began holding it at the ready.

"Did you just forget the past ten minutes?! Do you have no attention span or memory at all?!" Luna turned to address Discord.

"Do you see, draconequus? Do you see how she patronizes me? How she treats me like a foal?!"

"What the hell?! Why do you care what he thinks?! You were just angry at him not five minutes ago! You hate him, for God's sake!"

"So?! At least he doesn't try to behave as my nursemaid! 'Tis humiliating!"

"Stop saying "'tis!" And "thee", "thou", and all that other outdated shit!!"

"I will say what I please, sister!! Y-you're not the boss of me!! You...you...stupid-head!!"

"Ladies...ladies, please! There's no need to fight over me! The two of you can share me!"

"WE'RE NOT FIGHTING OVER YOU!!!", screamed the Royal Princesses in unison.

"Ooh...yikes. You two have some severe anger issues..."

"Wait a second, Luna....why the hell are we fighting?"

"I...I don't know, CeeCee...was it..." The two sisters turned towards where the mad draconequus was sitting. Discord had managed to sew the seeds of discord without even trying....a fact that was rather embarrassing to Celestia.

"What? Don't blame me! I didn't do anything! You can't hold me liable for your unresolved sibling issues with one another. My hands..errr...claws...paws are clean. Look!" Discord held out his Griffon's claw and lion's paw for them to see.

"I'm sorry, Luna. I don't what came over me." She pulled her sister in for a hug. Discord perked up with a low-key "oooohh!."

"That's right...give her a hug...hehehe..."

"As am I, CeeCee. I was being childish."

"...that's the spirit...stroke her mane a bit..."

"I don't think you're a child, Luna. I just...I just know you're a bit sensitive is all. I only want to protect you. I can't lose you again. Not like...not like I lost...HIM..."

"Yes...reminisce about your lost love...you're vulnerable...you need comfort...heheheh...." Discord procured his camera again, ready to snap a photo.

"Virgil? I remember you telling me about him. I'm sorry about what happened, CeeCee...and...thank you for trying to protect me..."

"Oh, that's perfect! Now kiss..." The two sister's broke apart from their embrace, and Celestia turned to look at Discord with disgust. Luna didn't quite understand the innuendo...again.

"Oh, come on! You were so close! I practically had the shot in focus!"

"You...perverted...uggh!! Would you give us your damn report and get out of here already?!!"

"Fine! Be like that! But you're missing out, I'm telling you! All mares should experiment a little now an-"

"Discord!! The report!! You've had your fun!!"

"Not yet I haven't...hehehe..."

"Enough already! Report!"

"Oh, very well. What would you like to know first?"

"I assigned you to scout out Marelin, Asgard, Gryphus, Foal Chi Minh City, Thatchholm, Pearis, and the Badlands. Not to mention keep an eye on the Senate. Start with whatever is the most significant." Discord was suddenly wearing a white, boating-style bucket hat with orange aviator sunglasses and a black, Foalwaiian shirt with gold flourishes. He was looking at a small, moleskin notepad and an old, yellowed map...while smoking a Mareboro with a tar filter. (Don't question it...don't question it...)

"Oh, as you command, my dearest, lovely Celestia! Well...let's see what I've got here...ah! Well, the Griffons haven't much going on at all as of late. Grand Marshall Plumefort is amping up industrialization in the Gryphonic territories...Prance included, seeing as we all know the prime minister in Pearis is just Plumefort's puppet. Also, he's amping up the security in Gryphus after your little black ops incursion with that defector and lovely, little skirmish over that border fort...and...what else...oh, yes! He's pumping more money into his defense budget and increasing production of firearms and munitions. But that's no surprise, really...that's all for the Griffons. I haven't learned anything new or specific about the Griffons that you didn't know already, Celestia, my dear." Celestia wasn't at all surprised. Luna merely kept silent and listened.

"Okay. What else?"

"Hmm...well...the Badlands bandits are riled up more than usual, I suppose....can't go there...that's bat country... (What?...fuck it...it's just Discord.) It's all likely just due to their increased consumption of mescaline and peyote, after you cut off their heathendust supply lines. Hmm...never needed hallucinogens myself. Then again...I've always been rather creative and random without ever using drugs..." Nothing out of the ordinary there either.

"Perfect. We'll deal with those dope fiends later. Anything else?"

"Hmmm....well, the Ib'Xian emperor...I thinks it's Tee...Tee Ian? Tee..tee-" Celestia clarified.

"Emperor Tí Lián?"

"Oh, yes! That's the fellow! Had a rather impressive fu manchu. Good thing I brought that recorder along to play for your translator. I'm fluent in Gryphonic, but I've only a tentative grasp of Ib'Xianese at best. Anyway...he's just gotten word back from the diplomat who visited your court recently. He's all ecstatic about the trade agreement between Equestria and the East. He was just gushing about it all...ugh...but that's about it. Nothing out of Neighpon either. Same thing, really." Celestia rolled her eyes.

"Good. Good. Well...what about the Germaneighan court?"

"Nothing especially scintillating, really. Old King Ehrehuf is getting rather old and frail, as you well know. He's passing his crown down to his adopted daughter, when he get's too demented and sick to rule. Beyond that, nothing of interest, really..." Discord exhaled a plume of tobacco smoke from his cigarette holder. Celestia had always found it impressive how the mad creature could materialize actual, physical things out of nothing. She could smell the smoke...it made her eyes water. It was no illusion. It was real. Discord was undeniably powerful.

"Huh. I know about Sonja Ehrehuf. Met her at an international summit two years ago. Smart girl. A bit meek, but I think she'll make a fine ruler. Anything else of note?"

"Nope. Nada. Prance is still pretending to be it's own sovereign state...as usual...and Gildedale is still the same uninteresting, little backwater republic it's always been. I've compiled these notes down for you to read later at your own leisure...they're all rather dull, though..." Discord found anything "normal" to be dull.

"What about the Senate? Anything on them?"

"Surprisingly, no. Well...they did have a back room meeting that I overheard..." Celestia perked up.

"And?"

"They mostly just made jokes about the two of you and overall just wasted the taxpayers' bits. They called you "a self-righteous, authoritarian cunt" and Luna "a complete pushover." Rather rude, don't you agree?" Of course...the Senate was always disrespecting the monarchy. Luna took offense.

"Oh, those wretched, old, sycophantic backstabbers!! They say one thing to your face, and say something entirely different behind closed doors!! Hmmph!!"

"Of course, they do, Luna. They're politicians. What of Consul Blackscribe?" Celestia held a special contempt for the lecherous, old Pegasus. Nadia Blackscribe presided over the Senate and was a renowned nymphomaniac and Celestia's primary political opponent.

"Well, asides from having had coitus with half the Castle Guard and being addicted to oxycodone/alcohol cocktails, nothing, really. Oh, and I gave her a mustache, as per your request. She'll have to shave it off for the rest of her life. I think it accentuates her face rather well...she always did have a rather stallion-esque jaw and profile..." Celestia chuckled.

"Hehehe...good work, Discord....she deserves nothing less..."

"Of course, my dear. I aim to please. Is that all you require of me? Besides using my body to sate your carnal, hormone-laden desires? That's it, isn't it? I can't blame you...I'm simply the epitome of masculine perfection. I submit myself to your lusty whims." Discord teleported onto Celestia's bed, adopting another suggestive pin-up pose. She couldn't help but giggle at the mad creature. Luna flattened her ears in annoyance.

"Hehehe...that's enough of that, Discord...hehehe...but I have another question."

"Yes, my dear?"

"In the magical kingdoms...you know...the ones with Unicorn magistrates and warding committees. Did you catch any wind of their warding runes failing or weakening somehow?" Discord looked puzzled.

"Hmm? No. I can't say I've heard anything about that. That would've been fairly big news, too, so I don't think I would've missed it." That was bad news for Celestia. It meant that the wards' disruption was exclusively Equestrian. Now Celestia was certain there was a plot against the nation.

"I see..."

"What does this mean, sister?"

"I'll tell you about it later, Luna. Thank you for all your help, Discord."

"It was my pleasure, dearest Celestia. Are you sure I can't tempt you two, lovely ladies with a quick romp? That is...if you can deal with a few teeth marks. I'm a powerful but careless lover, as you may soon find out..."

"Ugghhh...not in a million years, you demented beast!", cried Luna.

"Heheheh...oh, Discord...sweetie...you wouldn't know what to do with me, if you got me."

"I might surprise you, my dear. I have YEARS of experience, you know."

"...hmm...well...maybe if I was reeeaaallly drunk..." Unfortunately, Luna had heard her.

"CEECEE!!"

"What!? ....he's funny..."

Mac awoke from his slumber with a start...he had heard a noise outside. It sounded like the animals in the barn were making a ruckus...they must be scared. Mac leaped to his hooves and put on his hat laying on the nightstand. He grabbed his throwing hatchet and long dagger that were concealed in his mattress. He opened his bedroom door and quietly crept down the hallway and stairs on his hind hooves, taking great care not to wake his family. He opened the screen door of the kitchen, taking in a lungful of the cool, night air. He exhaled a steamy breath...it was chilly. (Fuck it...my coat's thick enough fer it...) He expertly crept across the moonlit fields, his dagger and hatchet at the ready. The pig pen was quiet...but he could hear the milk cows in the barn mooing. That must be the source.

He silently strode towards the cherry red barn. The full moon was almost as bright as the sun...Mac was thankful...last year on April 30th, the moon had been waning...dark. He stacked up against the left side of the big barn door, ready to enter. He pressed his ear to it...he couldn't hear anything but distressed mooing. But the door was barred...if there was somepony inside...wouldn't he have had to unlock the door to have gotten in? (...unless he got in through the fuckin' window like a ninja or somethin'...) He quietly slid the barn door's stark white bar that was barring it out of it's grooves, unlocking it. He slammed the door open with his shoulder and entered, raising his hatchet to throw it at a potential foe...

...it was...empty. Except for the distressed cows, of course. The typically dark interior of the barn was fully illuminated by the candescent moonlight...Mac checked every nook and cranny of the barn, taking time to comfort the terrified bovines. There wasn't anypony inside. He was sure. He calmed the cows down and left the barn, closing the door and barring it again. (What the hell?) Had an animal...like a bear or wolf...or something been outside the barn? Had he scared the beast off? It couldn't have been a pony...but something on the outside of the barn door caught his eye...he took a closer look. It looked like...scratches...made by an animal's claws...but not like any normal animal's claws. He closely examined the deep furrows in the door...the criss-crossed patterns looked almost like a bear's claws had made them at first glance...but no. He could tell something was different...

...there were eleven claws on each of the creature's paws. (It's the Matriarch...the Mark of the Beast...) It was unmistakeable. Now he was sure she was prowling about Ponyville. He quickly examined the ground, looking for any tracks or sign of the great beast...nothing.

"Fuck."

Not surprising. Matriarchs were clever creatures. The only reason she had left the scratches on the door was because she'd been trying to get inside...to get the meat in the barn. The milk cows. He shuddered. He knew there was no point in trying to track the bitch down. She hadn't left a single indicator of her advent or departure beyond the scratches on the barn door. It was...infuriating. He wouldn't be able to tell from which direction she'd come without at least a paw print or broken branch at the very least...once again...he was back to square one. Mayor Mare's bounty had eluded him again. But at least he was sure the beast was here now...that he wasn't just imagining it all...like some sort of fantasy to aggrandize himself. (...to feel important again...no. She's really here.) He walked back towards the farmhouse.

He quietly opened the screen door and walked back up to his room. He put his dagger and hatchet back in their hiding places...his hooves were shaking. The adrenaline hadn't worn off yet. He wouldn't be able to get to sleep like this. He opened his closet's sliding door and reached his hoof into one of his heavy combat boots and pulled out a concealed bottle of high-proof bourbon and a small bottle of oxycodone. He opened both bottles, taking a heavy dose of painkillers and washing them down with the bourbon. He put the bottle of opiates back into his boot. He decided to go downstairs and sit in the kitchen for a while...it would take bit for the alcohol and painkillers to put him to sleep...he had a high tolerance.

Mac leaned back in one of the chairs by the kitchen table and checked the time on the clock hanging on the wall.

"0112 in the mornin'. Yippee fuckin' doo. It's finally May." He turned up the bottle of bourbon.

Was this all there was? Was this his life? He'd...done so much...(so much...so fucking much...) and this was all he had to show for it all? (She don't love me...) No pony really did. Completely, fully did. In a true, knowing capacity. Maybe ephemerally, but not fully. He loved his sisters...his grandmother...but they couldn't understand him. It wasn't some teenage colt's whiny sort of alienation...it was a complete and utter alienation. He was a foreigner in his own home. A stranger. He barely talked to anypony. His only true friend was Steelheart. And Rainbow Dash...did she...did she care for him? Like that? Or had she been using him this whole time? He didn't think she was like that...but it'd happened to him before. It wouldn't have been the first time a mare fluttered her eyes at him and made him her bitch...(but...she ain't like that...angel, no...)

But it was a valid concern. She had acted so strangely earlier today. She wouldn't tell him what was wrong...she didn't trust him. (fuck...fuck...just...fuckin' love me...why?!!!......why....what the fuck is wrong with me?) Maybe that was why. (EVERYTHING is wrong with you, Johnboy...) Maybe she could tell. He couldn't blame her. But...he couldn't stop. He was obsessed. She was so beautiful...so full of life. He had always been a philogynist. Weak. He loved them too much. Appreciated them. Their beauty. Soft coats...their long eyelashes...sweet voices...some of them were sweet. Some used him. Some were hateful. Fake. Like that lilac Pegasus in front of the cafe. He could tell. Immediately he could tell she was fake. Passive aggressive. Not like Rainbow. (She ain't like that...she ain't...baby, no...)

"No...she's not like that. She's an angel..." (An angel...love...beauty...an acid angel...corrosive. Kissin' my eyes...burnin' my face away...no...not her.)

He was hurting. No pony could help him. Comfort him. They would know, if he told them what was wrong. How fractured he was. How fucking wrong he'd become. What a fucking animal he'd become. A drug-addled, maddened beast that would put any Matriarch to shame. But Rainbow...she'd been so scared. She looked like she'd been crying when Mac got worried and went outside the cafe to check on her. She just told him she was fine. He knew better. She told him she wasn't hungry and had to go home. He'd been so worried for her...(Let me help you, baby...I'll do anythin'...I know I'm fucked up...but I love you...FUCK!!!!!)

He could help her. Take away some of her pain, whatever it was. In the process, she would help him. More than she could ever possibly know. He needed her...but...how much did she need him? Maybe not at all except for his money. Using him...(no...) Nothing could stop the worry. The anxiety. The painkillers and booze helped, but they only took the edge off. But she could cure him. She would take it all away. If only she'd let him love her...he'd never let her go. He'd never hurt her. He'd fight any beast...climb any mountain... He would crack open the heavens themselves to give her the stars. The moon. (The Void.) She would calm the beast inside him. (ThE...FuCkIng....RaGE...) But did he deserve her? Was he worth it? He snorted.

"Look at my sorry ass! Hehehe...feelin' fuckin' sorry fer myself. Get the fuck over it, John. Ya' gotta' family to feed."

He had obligations. He couldn't just whine about his condition. Fuck his condition. He had more important things to worry about. But a sudden knock upon the screen door jarred him from his introspection. He rose to his hooves and walked towards it, his legs a bit wobbly from the booze and painkillers...

...he wondered who could be at the door this late...

Author's Notes:

I imagined Discord's dancing to be a lot like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jc-MRIbtyP8

...but with a cane and top hat.