Rainbow couldn't calm herself. Her rage was consuming her. AJ made an attempt to placate her best friend.

"R-Rainbow!! Relax! I was only kiddin'! I didn't mean nothin' by it! I was just tryin' to get yer goat!" It wasn't working.

"NO!!! FuCK ThAT!! NoPOnY!! NO FuCkiN' POnY CALLS ME ThAT!!!"

"Rainbow! I'm sorry! Please calm down! You know I was only teasin'. I just fergot about how mad that shit always makes ya'. And I weren't callin' you anythin', neither." But Rainbow had no control. She wanted to stop but couldn't. This fury wasn't easily extinguished...or even contained.

"I...am...so...motherfucking SICK of everypony spreading these goddamn rumors about me!!! They don't even know me!!! Who the fuck are they to pass judgement like that, huh?!! WhO ThE FuCK ARE THeY?!!!!" She was so tired inside...tired. Always alone. Always fighting off the pain...always by herself.

"Rainbow...look...I agree with ya'. It ain't right spreadin' rumors that ain't true like that...but this here's yer old pal! It's just me, Applejack!" Rainbow couldn't be placated. She wanted to yell at the top of her lungs. To scream. Cut. Break. She wanted someone else to feel pain, too. Anyone.

"I DoN'T GiVE A FLyINg FuCK!!! Do you have any idea how everypony treats me? Every...goddamn...day?! Huh?!! They all...they all treat me like I'm a freak now...they forgot about anything else I've done. Anything good I've done...they always forget. All they ever remember ArE ThE FUcKING RumORS!!!" AJ was holding one of her forehooves out in front of herself as a mollifying gesture...but she was also slowly backing away from Rainbow. Despite the fact that AJ knew Rainbow was only a little bit over half her own size and a great deal less powerful, the farmgirl knew she was Hell on Earth when angered. The two of them had scrapped multiple times before for mostly petty reasons. Rainbow had won every fight but one...even after the admission of her extreme disadvantages weighing the odds firmly in AJ's favor.

"Rainbow...please...just take deep bre-"

"NO!! I've fuckin' had it!! This the last straw!! I'm gonna' KILL the next motherfucker who says it!! I'll cut their GoDDaMN HEArtS OUT!!!" Rainbow could tell her friend was legitimately fearing for her own life at this point. Rainbow's utterance of the word "cut" had the farmgirl nervously scanning the kitchen for anything sharp that the little Pegasus could potentially use to hurt somepony else. It was unfortunate that this outburst had happened in a kitchen of all places. Each and every drawer contained at least one knife.

"Rainbow...please...just...please...it's just me...please...", said Applejack in a low, soothing voice...it was starting to have the desired effect. Rainbow knew that AJ was scared of her right now. But...how...how could her very best friend possibly think so low of her?...as though she'd ever hurt her very best friend like that! (...freak...)

"I...I just wanna' be treated fairly...just for once!! I'm so...so tired of being judged for superficial shit!! Why can't anypony just cut me a goddamn break?! I...I lost my job...my fucking apartment...I'm almost flat broke, and now I'm bumming off my best friend...w-why does everypony hate me so much?" The rage was beginning to die. A profound humiliation was seeping in to take it's place.

"Sugarcube...it ain't like that...the town don't hate ya'. They're all just a little wary of ya'. Yer pretty intense sometimes is all." Tears began to mist Rainbow's eyes. Her friend...she...she was so loving and supportive. She'd been loyal to Rainbow through the worst and best of times. Rainbow didn't deserve to be the Element of Loyalty. AJ deserved that title in addition to the one she already had...she deserved both of them.

"A-AJ...I...I...oh...God...*sob*...what did...I'm so sorry...*sob*" She couldn't stop the tears. Rainbow had never openly wept in front of her friends like this before. AJ was understandably stunned. But she had no idea...no idea how often the brash Pegasus wept in private. She wept more in a single year than most ponies did in an entire lifetime. And this fact was a deep source of shame for the girl...as though she'd really needed anything else to add to her self-esteem problems.

"It's okay, sweetie. It's okay." The sound of two pairs of tiny hooves trotting down the stairs was heard. The voice to which the owner of the hooves belonged meekly made itself heard.

"Guys? AJ? R-Rainbow? Is everythin' alright? I heard shoutin'...is somepony breakin' in the house?!! Should I wake up Mac?!" Even despite her own current bout of self-pity somewhat impairing her ability to fully empathize with the plights of others, Rainbow felt bad for the tiny filly. She was scared. And it was all Rainbow's fault. Why couldn't she be good for something?...fucking...anything? All she ever did was make everypony else's lives progressively shittier. They were all better off without her.

"Shhh...hush up, Applebloom. Everythin's all right, sugarcube. An' dontchu' go wakin' ole' loverboy up. He's sick an' needs his rest."

"R-Really? Everythin's alright down here?" She was still scared.

"Eeyup. Just a misunderstandin' was all. You go on back to bed now, hear? Dontchu' worry 'bout a thing, Bloom."

"Okay...goodnight...", Applebloom said as she turned about face and headed back to bed. Rainbow knew Granny was an incredibly heavy sleeper, so waking her wasn't a real concern. But waking Red...the guy had hearing like a cat. Sick or not, he should have been the first pony awake. He must be terribly sick then. As though Rainbow didn't already have enough to worry about...

"It's okay, sugarcube...it's okay." AJ, looking somewhat unsure of herself, was probably wondering whether she should try to hug her weeping friend or not. Rainbow couldn't at all blame her for her hesitation. Her tears were well-deserved.

"*sob*...oh God...AJ...I'm sorry...I'm such a *sob* fuckin' shitty friend!!...yelling at you like that..."

"You wanna' hug, sweetheart? Ain't nothin' uhh..."alternative" or nothin'. Just between friends." Rainbow childishly nodded. She really did want a hug right about now. Her former pretenses had all but vanished in lieu of her outburst. Normally, she tried to eschew most forms of female contact. There were already enough rumors about her floating around without her adding to them.

"See? Ain't nothin' to it. It's gonna' be fine, Rainbow.", AJ said as she pulled her best homegirl into an embrace. Rainbow had never been so grateful to be her friend as right now. This moment...when she needed her friend the most. And Rainbow had taken her friendship and hospitality and thrown it back into her face. She was filth. Garbage.

"I...I'm sorry *sob*...sorry...I'm such an asshole, dude *sob*...here I go and put you out like this like...making you do all this extra shit 'cuz of me...*sob*...and then I...I just fuckin' yell at...*sob*"

"Nuh uh. Hush up now, girl. It was my own damn fault again. I knew ya' were sensitive 'bout a few things, an' I just gone an' poked a bear in the ass with a stick by teasin' ya'. Just like a while back...'member? The day before Twilight went off to the Castle? I gave ya' shit that day, too. Shouldn'ta' antagonized ya' like that. I gotta' learn to watch my goddang mouth." AJ was...she was too good a friend for Rainbow. Too understanding.

"*sob*...no way...this is your fuckin' house, dude! You...*sob*...you shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around me in your own home!" AJ just smiled and stroked Rainbow's vibrant mane. She was starting to feel a bit better.

"Oh, girl...c'mon now. Yer actin' like this here's the "end all, be all", an' ya' cain't ever go back an' change it or somethin'. Ain't nothin' a' the sort."

"H-huh? I...what?"

"What's trippin' you up? The word "girl" or the phrase "end all, be all?" Rainbow began snickering despite her tears.

"Hehehe...*sniff*...dude...you're such an ass...*sniff*" AJ merely shrugged.

"I guess I am, huh? Meh."

"No...*sniff*...I was just kidding, dude. You're like...*sniff*...like the best friend ever. And I'm always such a cunt. I don't deserve to be your friend." She didn't. She was dirt. Mud on the soles of her boots.

"Girl! Shut yer fool ass up, hear? Yer a goddamn great friend."

"Huh? I...I am?"

"'Course ya' are! How come you done fergot all the times ya' went an' risked yer neck fer me an' mine? Just 'cause ya' go an' yell at me when ya' lose yer temper don't mean yer a "bad friend", girl. Everypony knows that...jeez."

"But...but...what abou-"

"Nuh uh. Don't wanna' hear no more about it, girl. Ya' been loyal to me an' my kin at the very worst a' times...when ya' just coulda' bailed on us. Just 'cuz you got an anger problem an' go off on me an' shit once in a blue moon don't mean you ain't a good friend. Shit...think about it...if that were the case, then I reckon just about every goddamn body'd be alone. Friends an' family sometimes fight an' feud. Sometimes it's over big things, an sometimes it's over little, petty bullshit. I know ya' have hang-ups, Rainbow...I know ya' had yerself a hard life. I understand. I had a hard life, too. I know what's it's like, okay? An' just 'cause yer stayin' here fer a little while don't mean yer takin' advantage or nothin'. In fact, I'm pretty sure I owe ya' one. Hehehe...yeah. Pretty sure 'bout that, too." Rainbow blinked away her tears. She was stunned. She'd never heard any of this stuff from anypony let alone from AJ!

"I...I...dude...thanks...for everything. You're the fuckin' best, AJ."

"Hah! Don't think I don't know it, girl! Now...you wanna' glass a' chocolate milk? That usually makes ya' feel better when yer feelin' down." AJ was indeed right. Rainbow's inner foal always had had an affinity for the tawny nectar. Apparently, it wasn't a Ditzy Doo-exclusive affinity…or anypony who was still inwardly a child…no matter how old they were.

"Y-yeah. Please...if that's okay..." AJ nodded and acquired a clean glass from the cupboard and opened the door to the fridge.

"Ain't no problem at all. Chocolate milk makes everythin' better, huh?" It kind of did.

"Y-yeah...so...you don't think I'm like...a complete psycho or anything? Like...you aren't scared of me are you?"

"What? A' course not, girl! Well...that ain't entirely true...yer pretty goddamn terrifyin' at times. But I know ya' wouldn't never hurt no pony close to ya' like that. I was a whole lot more worried you were gonna' go slicin' up somepony out in town or somethin." AJ poured a full glass of milk from the fridge. She added syrup and began rhythmically mixing the concoction with a teaspoon.

"I guess...you really don't mind me staying here? After all that? You're not scared I'll do somethin' crazy?"

"No, Rainbow. I don't mind ya' stayin' one bit. You were just lashin' out at yer situation was all. I understand. Yer real stressed out. Heh. Me, too. Don't get me wrong...I know you ain't to be trifled with when yer all ornery like that, but you always come back an' apologize when ya' lose yer cool. Like just now. No matter how angry ya' get, ya' always own up to it fer yer friends' sakes. That's true loyalty right there, girl. Ya' dig?" Rainbow dug it. But no pony had ever told her this before.

"Dude...that's...jeez...I don't know what to say..." Rainbow was even more blown away by this. She pulled up a seat at the kitchen table and sat down.

"Say "thank you", Applejack."

"Hehehe...okay. Say "thank you", Applejack. How's that?"

"Pfft. Goddang smart-aleck. Here's yer fuckin' milk, girl. Hope you choke on it.", the farmgirl said facetiously as she set the glass of chocolate milk down on the table in front of her best friend. Rainbow couldn't help but laugh. AJ didn't often use the "F-bomb."

"Hehehe...Thanks, dude. Fuck...I wish I had a way to pay you back for...for everything." AJ merely shrugged.

"Meh. Girl...ain't really nothin' superior to riskin' yer own life to save mine an' helpin' to save the farm...twice. C'mon, now. If'n I thought ya' were an ingrate, would I really have letcha' stay in the first place? An' yer helpin' out 'round here, too. That more'n pays me back." Rainbow smiled. But...there was something else...

"Wow...thanks, dude...just...I really appreciate it and junk. But...why aren't you still mad that I got Mac to come compete with me? You've had to like...do even more work than you do already to make up for it!" Good question.

"Heh. Well, shit. I reckon I was purdy mad atcha' at first...well...more surprised than anythin'...never thought ole loverboy'd actually do it. Show's what I know, huh?"

"Yeah...hehehe...me, neither. He didn't seem the type and shit. But you didn't answer my question."

"I was gonna' if'n ya'd gimme' me a damn minute, girl! Shit...where was I? Oh. Well...after Mackie got on board with ya', he came back an' explained his reasonin' to me. He pulled out all the ole' financial documents outta' the file cabinet in his room an' showed me how deep in the hole we were. Ole' Mackie done kept each an' every damn fiscal record since he was sixteen an' started doin' the family's accountin'. An' what he showed me weren't no good news...no siree. Apparently...there ain't no way we can keep on keepin' on what with all that debt hoverin' over us. Every year we gotta' take out another loan from the bank so's we can buy all the equipment an' seed an' shit fer each plantin' season. We don't never make enough off the shit we sell to grocery stores to make any dent in the loan...an' we're gonna' owe interest on it, too. Ain't no way we can ever pay that shit on what we're makin' right now...we'll lose our asses. But if'n y'all can win this Iron Pony nonsense, then not only can we make ends meet, but we also might just come out a bit ahead for once. That'd be nice. We could buy us a damn air conditioner finally. It gets hotter'n the Devil's taint in here durin' the summer." Rainbow was pretty surprised. Not only was AJ smarter and more mature than she was...but she also was more humble. She tossed aside her indignation for the sake of her best friend and family...that was hard for even Rainbow herself to do.

"Woah...he showed you all that stuff? Like...how'd he keep up with all that shit? And like...didn't he go off to join the army or something? How'd he keep up with you guys?" AJ smirked.

"Huh. I find it interestin' how we always seem to divert to the topic a' my brother no matter the conversation. Why does that always seem to happen there, girl?...hehehe..."

"Dude! C'mon. I was being serious."

"Ha! So was I! But about Mac...once he turned eighteen, he left home after enlistin'. Me'n Granny thought we were goddang screwed what with losin' the extra help. Mac does most a' the heavy stuff 'round here is why. But once the big feller graduated boot camp an' got to his first duty station, he started sendin' letters home. An' guess what? He was sendin' us checks fer five an' six hundred bits each...every pay period. Poor feller sent us almost everythin' he made...fer almost eight years! You can reckon how shitty we felt 'bout that...but damn it, if we didn't need that money somethin' fierce." Rainbow wasn't completely surprised for a change, seeing as to how she'd already guessed that Mac would do something like that for his family. But...all his money? All of it? For eight years?!

"Holy...he sent that much?"

"Ha! You'd better believe it, girl! Ole' Mackie was damn near broke once he finally came home. He hadn't made so much as a single goddamn bit more than when he'd first enlisted to begin with. He just kept sendin' us all that money to keep the three of us fed an' the farm afloat. We were havin' some hellacious problems keepin' up with all the local demand an' whatnot...on top a' payin' our dang taxes every year. So Mac started a letter correspondence with us an' offered to keep doin' our taxes an' keep up with all our financial statements. We just started sendin' him each an' every pay stub we got...every dang expenditure an' profit. Big feller kept every goddamn record of it. Don't know how he done it." Rainbow blushed. How was Mac so perfect? So wonderful? Could he do any wrong? Anything at all wrong?

"Holy crap, dude...that's some...that's some heroic shit right there." AJ snickered.

"Oh, I weren't just tellin' ya' all that to brag on my brother or nothin'. Even though he deserves it. You know he actually filed our tax return an' was doin' numbers an' figures in his head once...while his dang squad was trapped in between two, big, ole' clusterfucks a' Diamond Dog terrorists? Assholes kept 'em all pinned down in a drainage ditch by an old road fer days...almost totally surrounded 'em. Mac couldn't find nothin' to do but pass time writin' in his notebook...hehehe...don't know how he could do it, though. Them bastards was shootin' at 'em with them noisy-ass muskets they got from them Griffons, an' Mac an' his group a' guys couldn't get peace enough to even take a piss or sleep; let alone sit in the dirt with his notebook an' crunch numbers!! Craziest shit I ever did hear, ya' know? If Mackie didn't get no medal or nothin' fer all that, then no goddamn body shoulda' got one in my opinion." Rainbow was stunned. She wasn't sure what to say.

"Heh. Might wanna' close yer mouth, girl. Gonna' draw flies like that." Rainbow closed her mouth.

"Dude...how did you find all this out? You said Red never talks about that kinda' stuff around you guys." AJ merely grinned.

"Yer right. He never does...or ever did. I reckon he just don't wanna' upset us 'bout all that hell he went through. But I actually met one of his ole' squadmates at an ole' bar up in Manehattan...it was when we went with Rarity to go an' see her fashion show, 'member?" Rainbow nodded. She had to hear this. All of it.

"Well...there was this poor, ole' boy sittin' in on a' them booths drinkin' all by his lonesome. Had a uh...brown coat with a red mane...cain't 'member his name fer the life a' me...just that he looked real lonesome. So I asked if'n I could sit there with the poor feller an' maybe buy 'im a drink..." Rainbow was getting impatient. She didn't need the full rundown. Just the footnotes. This wasn't the part she was interested in hearing.

"...well...he takes me up on that an' thanks me. Turned out that boy had himself a prosthetic rear leg. Damndest thing. Asked him 'bout it, an' he gave me the full rundown a' what I just done told you."

"Yeah? What else?!" She needed more. His heroism...his sheer perfection...he was simply too good for her to have for herself. But how? Mac was practically a legend!...an unknown legend. His was a tale worth knowing.

"Well...after he told me that he was in the army an' whatnot, I told him I had a brother in the service, too. When I described Mac to the guy, just...woah! You shoulda' seen how excited this feller got! He said that Mac was a dang hero. The guy said that after the feller in charge got killed, Mac just stepped up and took over. He got this dang, foolass idea of how to get his boys outta' there...it was purdy weird...hehehe...but it was creative, I'll give him that..."

"Hey! Don't stop now, dude! What happened next?"

"Patience, girl. Gettin' to it. Now lemme' see...oh...well, that feller with the prosthetic leg said that the ditch they were in weren't nothin' but dry, powdery dirt an' dust 'cuz of a long drought. Mac got this idea where he told each of his buddies to start kickin' up dust an' flappin' their bandanas an' blankets in the dirt to kick up a...kinda’ like an "improvised smoke screen." After that, ole loverboy done snuck his boys outta' that trap they were in an' led a charge on one of them groups a’ dogs from behind. Wiped 'em all out in just five minutes a' brutal hand-to-hand fightin'. That went an' scared the rest of them assholes off, too...but that lame feller with the peg leg said one of them dogs' grenades rolled right up next to his left leg an' went off durin' the fight. Blew his fuckin' leg off from the knee down. Damn leg still had his boot on, too. God..." Rainbow cringed.

"Jeez...fuck..."

"Eeyup. Poor boy almost died of shock right then an' there. But then he said Mac put a tourniquet on his leg an' carried 'im to safety. Mac done saved his life, an' then he went right back into the fight. Man... Poor guy said he'd blacked out an' had to learn a lotta' all this secondhoof. Apparently...only five out of twelve of his boys made it outta’ there alive. But that ain't even the craziest part of it! When Mac got back to his base or whatever, the guys in charge of 'em told him that he'd violated a direct order by attackin' the enemy instead a' retreatin'. Ha! Can ya' believe that bullshit?! They even busted him down from a corporal to a private first class! Assholes. That lame feller said Mac'd done the right thing an' saved his life, so he didn't think it was fair what they done to him. He didn't even get a goddang medal or nothin'! Those motherfuckers better goddamn PRAY I don't never meet 'em in person!" AJ slammed her forehoof hard on the table, rocking Rainbow's glass of chocolate milk. She was legitimately angry. Very angry.

"Woah. That's so fucked up, dude...but...that was a pretty cool story. Kinda' reminds me of the shit we used to do." It did somewhat. But it was even better. It was an amazing, heroic tale without equal. Her beloved was so magnificent. A great and noble warrior poet whose selflessness had tragically led to his own downfall. It was a great romance...an elegiac narrative that further cemented in Rainbow's mind just how flawless the big stallion was. Perfect. He was perfect.

"Ha! Yer tellin' me! It kinda' does, doesn't it? Oh...wait...we done got off topic with this whole business...long story short...you an' Mac got my full support on this competition thingamajig. I reckon y'all winnin' it’s just about the only thing that can save Sweet Apple Acres now. Ya' got my blessin'." Rainbow smiled...she was getting teary eyed again, so she wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her dad's hoodie.

"Thanks, AJ. We won't letcha' down. That's a promise." AJ reached over and bumped her friend's hoof.

"I 'ppreciate it, girl, but I know ya' cain't really promise nothin'...ain't realistic. Just doin' the best ya' can is good enough fer me. Hell...'tween the two a' y'all...I don't reckon there's gonna' be much in the way a' competition." Rainbow smirked.

"Hehehe...oh, yeah. We got this in the bag, dude." AJ smiled at first...then she frowned and wrinkled her brow in consternation.

"Ya' know I 'ppreciate ya', girl. I really do...but I...don't know if it's any a' my business to ask..." Huh? Ask what?

"Dude. You can ask me pretty much anything at this point. I owe you one now." Rainbow was inwardly praying that AJ wasn't about to ask about her father...she couldn't handle that...no pony could know. No pony.

"Well...I don't wanna' offend ya' or nothin' by askin'..." Oh. She had a pretty good idea what this was about now.

"Uhh...is this about...um...what I just did a few minutes ago?" AJ nodded.

"Yeah, mostly. An' you ain't gotta' answer me, if'n ya' don't want to or nothin'." Rainbow merely shook her head. If anypony deserved to know at this point, it was her best friend.

"Nah. It's okay. I promise. Shoot." AJ still looked a bit uneasy...but she posed her query...

"Okay...uhh...I know fer a fact that ya' don't ascribe to that kinda' lifestyle. But somethin's been botherin' me..." Rainbow was becoming uneasy, too. What was the great mystery here?

"Yeah?...what? You can ask. It's cool."

"Well...ya' know that there phrase that goes "I think the lady doth protest too much?" Now, I ain't insinuatin' nothin'! I just don't understand is all..." Rainbow had heard the phrase from her Equestrian teacher during her freshman year of high school...she didn't remember what it meant, though.

"I think I've heard it before or something, but you're gonna' have to break it down for me, AJ."

"Eeyup. I was afraid ya' were gonna' say that...*sigh*...okay...here goes...that phrase basically is referrin' to somethin' in psychology..."

"Uhh...okay?"

"...I heard 'bout it from Mac a while ago...he could prob'ly explain it better, so fergive me if I go an’ oversimplify everythin'. It's an actual condition in psychology. Called a "reaction formation." Basically, it's where somepony goes an' tries coverin' up somethin' they don't wanna' admit is actually true 'bout themselves by goin' 'round doin' or sayin' the exact opposite. Kinda' like a defense mechanism fer the ego." Rainbow really didn't like where this was going. But...she'd promised her friend that she wouldn't get upset...she'd promised.

"Shit...I think I know what you're talking about..." AJ shook her head.

"Hey, now...don't get offended, Rainbow. I wasn't implyin' any of this bein' true. It's just that...hmm...well...how 'bout this fer example? Let's say ya' got this stallion who's just...just completely batshit bonkers fer strawberry ice cream..." What?!

"Hehehe...what the fuck, dude?! Where're you goin' with all this?"

"Now lemme' finish...okay...this feller loves strawberry ice cream from just about the very core of his bein'...or some shit. But here's the thing...let's say it's a huge-ass cultural taboo fer ponies like him to eat any ice cream that ain't vanilla. He'd be treated like an outcast in his own community if they caught ‘im with a bowl a’ strawberry or somethin'..." Rainbow was rolling. The funniest part was how AJ pronounced the words “vanilla” as “vuh-nill-urr” and “strawberry” as “strah-bree.”

"Hehehehe...oh...seriously, dude?! C'mon!"

"Hey, now! Gimme' a second! I'm gettin' to the point here...listen...this feller who's obsessed with a taboo flavor a' ice cream secretly...deep down wants to acknowledge how much he really loves strawberry the most, an' it's eatin' 'im up inside somethin' fierce. Ya' kinda' see where'm goin' with all this?" Rainbow kind of did. But it wasn't a pleasant understanding. She could feel ice water dropping into the pit of her stomach. She started sweating...she prayed AJ wouldn't ask what she thought she might ask...

"...yeah...now let's say this feller is real ashamed of how much he loves somethin' that ain't accepable in his culture. So...to make it look like he's really on the same page as his own kinfolk, he goes up an' down the street, whoopin' an' hollerin' 'bout how strawberry is the worst flavor...how much he hates anythin' but vanilla...an' he gets real pissed off an' ornery if ya' call him on it. It's like...kinda' like a overcompensation technique. But there's the problem...the more this guy obsesses over how much he loves a certain flavor an' hates another one, the more it looks like he's just overcompensatin' fer how ashamed he is of really lovin' what's makin' him feel so ashamed...ya' feel me?" Rainbow was horrified. Terrified. AJ was going to ask her about something nearly as terrible as what had happened to her father. She braced herself mentally.

"Y-yeah...I kinda'...yeah..." It was all rather transparent, really. But she'd wanted to avoid the subject altogether. This was clearly not meant to be.

"...now...don't go makin' that face, girl. I ain't suggestin' nothin' at all. It's just that...well...them ponies that're spreadin' them rumors boutcha'...well, they probably think that all that stuff ya' do, gettin' all angry when somepony accuses you a' bein' that way...they might think that's just yer "reaction formation" at work, tryin' to overcompensate to defend yer ego or somethin'..." Rainbow was beginning to panic now.

"I'm...I'm not overcompensating for anything!! Really! I'm just being "me!" Is that a fuckin' crime or somethin'?!!" She was angry. Scared. She couldn't help it.

"Hey...hey...I weren't implyin' it was true, like I done told ya' before...calm down, girl. Okay?" Rainbow got her emotions under control. For now.

"Yeah...sorry...go ahead..."

"Okay. Well, most ponies would just say "no" if they weren't that kinda' way when asked. Maybe even say "fuck no." But a pony who's overcompensatin' might lose his shit an' start rantin' an' ravin'...once again...I ain't sayin' nothin' definitive here." Rainbow knew she wasn't. She trusted AJ. But she was still so scared. (...baby...don't go...I'm dead...)

"Like...kinda' like how I just acted..."

"Somewhat...that's how some ponies might interpret yer reaction. Most ponies would just let it all roll right off 'em, if it didn't apply to 'em...but you get real angry ‘bout it. Now...this ain't universal or nothin'. If ya' have a...uhh...like a fear of spiders or somethin', you probably ain't just overcompensatin' fer how much ya' secretly love spiders. Ya' see?" Rainbow dumbly nodded in silence. The question that was inevitably to come next...she prayed it wasn't what she thought it was. But she wasn't optimistic.

"I think I know what you're gonna' ask me." She'd rather slice her own left forehoof down to the fucking bone with one of the Apple family's kitchen knives than be asked that question...that question. It was terrible.

"Yeah...see...I just gotta' ask...like I done said before, I ain't insinuatin' nothin' by all this. It's just that...I don't understand is all. So...my question goes as follows: Why does it bother you so much?" The blackened words fell upon Rainbow's skull like the blunt force of a malignant hammer. An acid hammer.

"Fuck...I uhh...I..." She couldn't find the right words.

It wasn't the inherent truth of her aforementioned behavior that frightened Rainbow so greatly. She knew exactly why she’d reacted the way she had. But in a way, the whole "lesbian overcompensation" bit would only be a little more humiliating were it true than...well...the actual truth itself. What should Rainbow tell her very best friend of several years? Should she lie? Or tell the truth? Tell her that her affection for John Apple was nothing at all like AJ thought it was? Because it most certainly wasn't merely the "innocent, school filly" crush that the farmgirl thought it was. It was insane. Possessive. Obsessive. Violent. Irrational. Licentious. Vulgar. It was both pious and devious. It was driven by an ersatz marriage of an animalistic, libidinous lust and an all-consuming ardor borne of a timorous, covetous girl's fractured heart. Should she tell her best friend just how crazy she'd gotten? How much of her life had been eaten away? How single-mindedly and intransigently she'd fawned/pined/screamed/wept/deteriorated over her best friend's vaunted older brother? What would happen? What?

"Hey...ya' ain't gotta' answer if ya' don't want to, okay? I don't wanna' make ya' uncomfortable, girl." She was so understanding. Her benevolence was immeasurable to Rainbow. From what she could tell, it seemed that she and her brother had that trait in common. (...yeah...okay...) AJ deserved to know. If anypony deserved to know, it was the freckled Earth mare sitting across from Rainbow at this modest, little kitchen table. It was her brother. Her family. Her business, as well as Rainbow's.

"N-nah, dude...just...just lemme' think for a second. Ya' know?...how to explain this..." AJ merely smiled.

"No problem, sugarcube. Take yer time." She had to be brave. She had to face her fear. She had to risk losing those close to her in order to keep them.

And that was the true terror. The Apple family had no idea just how septic Rainbow had become inside. They didn't know that she had been stalking John Apple since she’d first seen him at the tender age of eight...always yearning for him from afar. But…she’d only had a measly two years to innocently (…at first…) admire him. The day the big stallion had left Ponyville and joined the military...the then ten year old Rainbow Dash's little heart had nearly broken in two. She'd thought she'd never see his sweet face again. She'd had to take...take things of his...to remember him by. They might have been the last she had of him ever again. Should she tell AJ that, too? About how she'd been stealing "trophies" from the big stallion to add to her "collection?" About how Rainbow had even sneaked upstairs in the farmhouse after being invited to dinner by AJ only to steal her beloved's pillow case? Should she tell her friend about how she had slept with that very same pillowcase over her own pillow every night since she'd stolen it?...just so she could have her older brother’s scent to lull her sleep? What about her more violent proclivities regarding the big guy's other potential lovers? Her most despised rivals of all?

"Umm...okay...*sigh*...look here...I uhh...what I'm gonna' say is kinda'...kind of a huge thing to drop on you all of a sudden..." AJ wrinkled her forehead in concern.

What else should she tell her bestie? How Rainbow had secretly stalked Cherilee for an entire week after finding out that she and Red were dating? How she'd gravely...pensively mulled over the grim recourse of literally...murdering the offending Earth mare? What about this very morning at breakfast where she'd fantasized about stabbing her sweet, innocent little roommate in the fucking eye with a fork?...for the petty malfeasance of simply thinking about her beloved John Apple? And what of her relationship with Applejack herself? Would she think that Rainbow had only been friends with her for all this time just to get access to her brother? Would the farmgirl panic and warn him? Would she think Rainbow was utterly...wholly fucking deranged and posed a severe threat to her family? What if AJ forbid her from ever coming back here to Sweet Apple Acres...the place that had become as much an inherent part of her young life as had Cloudsdale and Ponyville itself? But no...she couldn't lose them. The Apples...they were her family. They truly were...they were just as much a part of her now as were her very own parents. She couldn't lose either one of them...no. She might lose both her dearest, truest friend and the stallion for whose love she yearned more than anything. But she had to tell the truth. Her friend deserved a straight answer. If AJ asked any of those dreaded questions...Rainbow Dash would be compelled to answer them.

"It's alright, sugarcube. Probably ain't all that shockin'...hehehe..." AJ was probably thinking about something far less insidious than her Pegasus friend's sweet sickness. It was time. Now. She was quaking with fear. She could lose everything by the mere pronouncement of a single sentence. Now. (Now.)

"No. Listen, dude...I...I n-need to tell you something. This is really important. Y-you gotta' promise me you won't freak out or tell anypony else. Please...please...just...it's...it's about your brother..." AJ's look of amusement changed to that of intense concern. Rainbow’s disturbed, increasingly neurotic demeanor had changed the entire mood of the conversation. The farmgirl might even be mulling over the possibility of Rainbow having actually lied about her affinity for her elder brother all these years...to get to her. Rainbow shuddered. The thought was noxious. Hostile. It didn't belong. Now.

"Uhh...okay, Rainbow. I promise. Yer secret's safe with me. What about my brother do ya' need to tell me?...I thought I knew what you were gonna’ say…but yer startin’ to worry me now, girl." Rainbow truly pitied her friend. What moribund things were swirling around in her friend's mind? What terrible possibilities were maligning the poor farmgirl this very instant? She must be so worried. And...with good reason. Now.

"I...I uhh...I'm totally...like..uhh...like in love with his butt, ‘cuz it’s super hot an' shit. Like...super hardcore-style." AJ's eyes predictably widened with surprise. Well...that confession hadn't sounded quite as eloquent as Rainbow had planned it.

"Uhh...b-beg pardon, Rainbow?! M-mind repeatin' that?"

Actually...she did mind. Very much so. But...AJ needed to know...she needed to know how badly she wanted to give her heart to her dear, sweet brother...she needed to know the pure poetry of Rainbow's profound love for him...how much the big stallion had unwittingly absconded with her heart and had made sweet, passionate love to her very soul with naught but a single, chance meeting of their eyes that one morning...those unearthly, candescent eyes...the eyes that had seen right through her down to the very pit of her soul...those two, verdant pools of surreptitious emerald that were each encircled by an azure ring of blue angel’s fire that had spirited Rainbow's very breath away from her little body...the ethereal eyes that made even the glorious, lambent silver of the very moon itself so mundane by comparison. Rainbow needed to find the words for this...to tell her friend this true depth of her love. Too bad her brain had suddenly decided to take a rather belated lunch break.

"Your older brother, dude...I want to...like...I want him to totally buttfuck my heart or something...that'd be super awesome...no...wait!! Th-That didn't come out right! Lemme' try again!! AJ...I want your brother to...I want him balls-deep in my heart...wait...DAMMIT!!" Aaaaannnnd...there was the letdown. Right on cue. The awkward look on AJ's face at this very moment said it all, really. The tan, freckled Earth mare merely stared blankly at her friend, her right eyebrow arched as high as it could go. The farmgirl's eyes bore the look of a pony consumed by a near cosmic confusion. Rainbow frantically searched for the words she'd wanted to use initially, as Ms. Applejack Apple silently stared at her with that unchanging expression of incredulous shock.

"H-hold on!! I...I got this..!! Wait...lemme' just...uhh...listen...AJ I wanna' like...fuck your brother's like...soul...no condom, rawdog-style...maybe with like...a little bit of baby oil or something?...no, wait...uhh...his eyes are like...fire...moon...angel things...that totally jackhammer my feelings an' shit. *sigh* Fuck....that didn't come out right either, huh?" AJ slowly shook her head, still wearing that same expression of astonished bewilderment.

She could have flipped through a dictionary or something at the very least. Maybe she shouldn't have built up the moment with so much dramatic tension and shit.

Mac was floating in a warm ocean of contentment...a warm, gentle sea of amiable, red velvet...(no...not red...blue...like her...) This was okay. Not wonderful. Not great. Just a grey Purgatory of sanguine contentment. No pain. No great, euphoric happiness like with heroin or something similarly as strong...just...no more pain. Peace. He had no idea how long he'd been laying there on the wooden floor of his bedroom...his sense of time had left him. He raised his head up and checked the clock on his wall...it was about 2045 at night. He laid his head back down on the hard, wooden floor. He merely stared into the yellow glow of his lamp sitting on his nightstand. His mood was...nice. Warm. He smiled. This was nice. His heart rate and respiration had dropped down to a comfortable level. There was no more screaming in his head. No more yellow madness with dead voices chasing him. No more ebon misery, self-loathing, and despair. No red, animalistic rage or primal urges. But also...no more true feelings of blue love...joy...reverence...no. Just...a gentle contentment. A universal shrug. An apathy most exalted. The Grey. (Guess...guess I'm kinda' like "Lord Fuck-It of Don't Care Mountain"...or somethin'...huh? Weird...man...) That kind of sounded like a shitty band now that he thought about it.

"Hellllooooo, Detrot!!", he moaned...in a voice much louder than he'd intended initially. He snickered and clammed up. He heard somepony coming up the stairs. He/she stopped in the hallway. After a few seconds, Mac heard the door to Rainbow's room open and close shut. His angel had gone back to her cloud to rest. Which was good...pretty angels needed their rest. Mac decided that "Pretty Angels" sounded a bit like a song written by a hair metal band...

"Hello, Detrot! We're Junkfuck, an' we're here to rock this motherfucker too-nigh-yuht!! Owwwwwwwaaahh, yeaaaah-yuuuuh!! How'ya all doin' tonight. Detrot? We dedicate this next song to Rainbow Dash! Yeah, that's you, baby girl! It's a song y'all might know...called..."Pretty Angels." Mac hummed a bass line and started playing an air guitar while laying on his back. At first, Mac merely snickered at his smack-addled stupidity. But then...

"Angel...this...she's...like...she's like a painkiller. She makes me...just...not give a shit...about all this stuff in my head." She was his little, blue morphine angel. His sweet analgesic. A cherubic, anodyne angel...an anesthetic angel. A thing of true beauty. She made everything better. She made his life almost worth living again...just being her friend. Almost. But no. He didn't have her love. Couldn't. So then...

"...meh....then fuck it. I can deal with this...this is fine by me, son. Can't have her? Whatever. At least nothin's runnin' 'round my fuckin' skull no more. Got yerself a care or a worry? Well, then...hehehe...toss that motherfucker right outta' "Whatever Window" an' down into yer "Fuck-it Bucket." Then go an' dump it in "Don't Give A Shit Pit."...hehehe...why's that sound...sound like a song, too? Man, I'm fuckin' stupid..." He wasn't sure why he was so inclined to musically assess everything. Whenever a "profound" thought struck a certain note of his, his brain would immediately put it to music and make a song out of it. Well...he did used to play guitar...solo and with a band...too bad his buddy Steelheart stopped playing bass for the band.

"Man...can't have no band without a bass guitar, motherfucker. That's where the goddamn rhythm gets set...like a metronome or somethin'...an' it totally fucks up the entire timbre of the song when it's gone. Shit sounds flat as a motherfucker without a good bass line. Also...what in the hell am I talkin' 'bout?...hehehe..." He began chuckling at his inanity once more. A song came to his mind once more...for her...

"The Angel chased the ghosts awaaayay,

"She keeps this old head sayaaane."

"Oh...nooo...this-fuck. Too many damn syllables stretched out. Well...I done fucked it all up now. Hehehe...oh, well." So much for his "artsy" tangent.

And another thought struck him...he finally found the answer. The reason why. Why. Why he'd nearly killed himself today. He hadn't been suicidal. He hadn't just been jonesing for another hit. No. All that love he'd felt for his angel and family today...it'd been so wonderful to feel something that sweet again. Mac hadn't wanted it to end. He was terrified that the dysphoria from coming down off all the speed would kill the beautiful feelings he'd had today. He'd wanted it to last. So he kept dosing. And dosing. He'd just wanted to prolong the happiness and love for as long as he could get away with it. But it'd backfired on him. Now he was in an ocean of grey. But hey...it was all okay. Okay.

"Ocean of grey"...that sounds like another one...damn...why can't I stop writin' half-assed poetry in my head? Startin' to sound like a lazy, fuckin' hipster...well...maybe that ain't entirely fair...most hipsters ain't on drugs. Nope. They get high enough just huffin' their own farts....hehehe...why's that funny, though?...oh...what me an' Pa used to do to AJ...hehehe...oh, man...well, it weren't our fault! Mama made the best damn enchilada casserole in Equestria!...God rest her soul. That shit was the "Ambrosia of the Gods", man...too bad it always backfired on us...hehehe...surprised poor, lil' ole' Jackie didn't get no brain damage. And...who'n the fuck am I talkin' to now? Why do I keep doin' that? It's fuckin' weird. Quit it." He quit it.

Rainbow was still frantically searching for the beautiful prose she'd composed so lovingly in her head...to little avail. AJ hadn't changed that expression of hers for a solid two minutes. Rainbow couldn't blame her, really. This was pretty painful...

"Okay! Okay! I got it! I uhh...I like...totally want your brother to like...make...make love babies with my heart!...and I don't want him to pull out, either...dammit! Hold on! I-I can do this, man! J-Just gimme a second here...uh...okay...how ‘bout this?...I want him to like...bareback my soul an' dump his love-load insid-SHIT!! Shit, shit, shit, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!!" (This is really hard....hehehe...that's totally what she said!!...oh, c'mon!!...what is wrong with me?!) Well, that certainly wasn't a simple question to answer. Not by a long shot. AJ squinted her eyes close together and let her jaw drop in awe of her friend's utterly incredible brain fart. It was a grand brain fart of a celestial, immeasurable vastness, the likes of which the whole of ponykind had yet to even so much as comprehend let alone match it in it's splendor.

"Err...Rainbow?...", said AJ...finally...after almost three whole minutes of awkward silence.

"No, dude! I...I got this!! Just...gimme' a chance here!! I...I think your brother is...uhh...like the Sun itself...y-yeah! That’s it! He's like the Sun 'cuz he's super hot an' lights my shit up down south between my kne- ...oh...motherfucker!!! I...I can't do this crap..." She really couldn't.

She should have stuck with a simple "I'm in love with your brother." It was pretty obvious that she wasn't destined to be a great poet. Or even a newspaper editor. Or even a tabloid writer. Or even one of those middle-aged, ugly chicks who wrote those shitty paperback erotic novels to fill the void of their lonely, empty lives. Like the ones they sold in convenience stores all the way in the back next to the cheap sunglasses and generic baseball caps...the ones that Rainbow herself had certainly never ever read. (Aww, man…why am I so lame today?) And...that was probably the problem here. The two elements of her brain that separately handled biological lust and complex emotions had apparently had their wires crossed...clearly, the two didn't mesh well in this particular setting. This was likely due to Rainbow's ample consumption of "adult literature" that she constantly borrowed from Rarity. The vulgar and the profound had merged together...all a testament to the fearless flyer's frustrated discontentment with never "getting any." Which was understandable...the lewdest ponies of all were always the same ones who never "got any." Maybe even deservedly so.

"Uhh...hey...uhh...Rainbow? Do you want me to...uhh...come back later or somethin'? 'Cause I can come back later when ya' got everythin' together. I uhh...don't wanna' like...seem like I'm pressurin' ya' or nothin' here..." Rainbow sighed in exasperation and laid her head down on the kitchen table.

"Oh...no, dude...*sigh*...you're good. I got...I got nothin'." And that was an understatement. Rainbow would've been overjoyed to have just had "nothing" right this moment. What she actually had was a desolate, ebon expanse replete with naught but steaming coils of mental excrement...the stench of this ordure would overwhelm even Twilight Sparkle's acute faculties. Basically...she had brain diarrhea.

"I'm gettin' this sneakin' suspicion that yer uhh...tryin' to tell me somethin' 'bout Big Mac...but it sounds reeeaaal uhh...well..."rapey."

"Oh, man! No! I...look...lemme' level with ya'. I'm in like...fuckin' love with the guy. Like…super-hardcore-inseparable-magically-fuse-our-souls-together-for-all-eternity-I-wanna’-marry-the-fuck-out-of-him-and-have-his-foals in love with him. That's what I've been trying to tell you…but I guess…that was kinda’…kinda’ too much too soon, huh? Yeah…uhh…I was trying to soften the blow for you...just...I guess I didn’t like…do a very good job apparently..." Surprisingly, AJ's expression changed to one of sympathy and benevolent concern.

"I uhh…wow…just wow. Huh. Are ya’...like uhh… really sure 'bout that, sugarcube?" The question struck a wrong note with Rainbow.

"Hey! What're you tryin' to say here!? That I don't know what the fuck "love" is?!"

"Oh...no...no...that ain't it at all, sugarcube. It's just that...you weren't kiddin'. That was a real doozy to drop alla' sudden." Rainbow flattened her ears and began rubbing the back of her head in embarrassment.

"Oh. Sorry, dude. I uhh...just...just trust me on this. I've never been so sure about something in my life...well...no...I’m like…just as sure about this stuff as I am about wanting to be a Wonderbolt. That's...like...really fuckin' sure, ya' know?"

"Hey, it ain't...uhh...well...I guess I kinda' knew all this already..." What?

"Wait...what?!" Was all this tension entirely pointless?!

"Well...c'mon, girl. Ya' been after 'im fer 'bout...uhh...ten or so years, am I right?"

"B-but!...but!...but!"

"That's a whole lotta' butt, girl."

"Are you...are...were you just screwin' with me this entire time?! Why'd you act all surprised then?!"

"Well...shit...why d'ya' think? 'Cause ya' just said some stuff...'bout...uhh...didn't ya' say somethin' 'bout wantin' to "buttfuck his heart?" That's...that ain't somethin' to take lightly, girl..." Rainbow groaned and slammed her head down on the table.

"Uuugggh!! No...I said like...I wanted him to buttfuck my heart...I...I don't know what the hell I was sayin' back there...kinda' drew a blank..." Applejack just sighed and shook her head.

"Damn, girl. I don't wanna' hear whatcha' got to say when ya' don't draw a blank! But...I known 'bout you an' Mac fer years now. C'mon. It's so dang obvious. At first, I done thought it were a lil', ole' crush or somethin'. But then...ya' just kept comin' back...day after day. Half of them times ya' came round the farm were just flimsy pretenses to ogle my dang brother. *shudder* Man...that...sayin' that just don't sit right with me..." Rainbow perked up. This wasn't all that bad! The situation wasn't inherently fucked liked she'd initially thought! Or maybe it was. She had some pretty bad instincts after all. Really bad.

"I...just...but, dude. It's not like I've been using you just to get to him! You're still like...my best friend...forever...and...dammit...I don't wanna' say it." AJ grinned mischievously.

"Oh? Yer tryin' to say somethin'? Is it..."BFF?"

"No. That's friggin' gay. I ain't sayin' that. No way, dude!"

"C'mon, Rainbow. Dontcha' really wanna' say it? I know ya' wanna'..."

"No."

"C'mon..."

"No!"

"Say it...I know ya' want to!"

"NO!"

"Awww...c'mon..."

"Fine! Shit. You're my BFF. We're fuckin' BFF's, okay? Happy?! Jeez! For somepony who's seriously afraid I'll murder them in a fit of rage, you really like to push your luck, AJ." AJ snorted with laughter.

"Ha! Hehehe...oh, c'mon now. I know yer all tuckered out an' sleepy from yellin' earlier. That's how ya' do. After yer all screamed out, ya' cain't get like that again fer at least another day. Like some sorta' "Conservation of Explosive Rage Principle." Shiiieeet, gurl, I should teach a class at Canterlot with all this here knowledge I'm droppin'." Rainbow snickered and shook her head.

"Oh, yeah. Like you really know me that well...suuuuurrre." AJ raise a single eyebrow.

"Hmm? Oh, ya' wanna' bet on it? I can even do a purdy good impression of ya'." Rainbow had to hear this.

"Okay...hehehe...go for it. Lemme' have it." (That's what she sa-Stop it! Damn...grow up!) AJ cleared her throat and began performing what was...quite possibly...the best impression of Rainbow Dash that Rainbow Dash herself had ever heard.

"YO! 'Sup, motherfucker?! I'm motherfuckin' Rainbow Dash! But you already knew that! What ya' didn't know is that I can get even twenty percent cooler in only ten seconds flat, son! Awesome, right?!" Rainbow's mouth dropped wide open. It was uncanny. AJ continued her parody.

"Yeah. I'm pretty awesome. I know. I'm the fastest fuckin' bitch in all Equestria, yo! And there ain't no pony tougher than Dash! I can face down dragons, trolls, and tax collectors, but the minute Applejack's brother comes around...I turn into a babbling wuss. Oooohh...he's so dreaaaammmy! Oh, Mackie...paint me like one of your Prench girls!!"...hehehehe...how was that?...hehehe..." AJ's snickering filled the kitchen. Rainbow was simultaneously embarrassed and amused.

"I...I so do NOT sound like that!" (Nope...spot on...man...)

"Hehehe...oh, ya' don't, do ya'? Really?" It was hopeless.

"Nah...that was perfect. Seriously...what the fuck, AJ? How'd...how..."

"Practice. I get bored a whole lot 'round here, girl."

"Oh, you so need to get laid, dude."

"An' look at this here pot callin' the kettle black!"

"Nuh uh! That so doesn't apply to me!"

"MMmmmmbullshiiiieeet, girl."

"Oh, y-yeah? How do you know?!" (Aww, man...c'mon...)

"Girl, I betchu' ain't even so much as kissed a feller...let alone done...that."

"I have so kissed a guy before!!"

"Yer daddy don't count." AJ was grinning again.

"I wasn't talking about him! Jeez...lemme' think..." AJ began snickering.

"Oh? Okay. I'll give ya' plenty a' time to formulate yerself a lie."

"I wasn't gonna' lie!" How were all the Apples so much smarter than she? It was kind of a downer, really. Rainbow began frantically trying to think about potential suitors she could lie about.

"Mmhmm. Eeyup. Sure. Just have yerself the common courtesy to at least make the lie entertainin', okay?"

"Oh, you're such a douche!...wait...um...hey, yeah! I totally made out with this one guy in high school...what was his name?...shit..." Rainbow had actually met said guy in person. But she'd never done more with him than chat briefly.

"Ooooh! Mr. No-Name McSmoochalot! Bet he blew yer socks off, huh? Hehehe....hey...could ya' grab me a beer from the fridge there, Rainbow?" Rainbow absent-mindedly nodded as she rose from her seat to fetch her friend a beer. She opened the fridge door...but...wait...

"Hey, AJ...wait a minute...I thought you didn't drink." AJ snickered and shook her head.

"Hehehe...well, who done went an' told ya' that now?" Rainbow tossed her friend a can of lager and grabbed one for herself. She sat back down at the kitchen table. This was pretty cool. She hadn't had a chance to just...talk...and just hang out with her homegirl in a long time. She checked the clock up on the wall of the kitchen...it was about 8:30 P.M. She knew she'd already missed the sunset, but this somewhat made up for it. Maybe she could watch it tomorrow...it always reminded her of her father. (Sorry, Dad. Maybe later, okay? Love ya'.)

"Your brother." AJ snorted.

"Hah! Oh, man! Hehehe....a' course, he's gonna' think that, girl! He don't want his baby sister to be anythin' but a perfect, lil' angel."

"Huh? But like...why would he think that if...uuhhh...I think my brain just stopped again...God! Why's my brain gotta' shit it's pants every five minutes today?!" Rainbow was getting tired of having brain fart after brain fart. AJ, however, thought it was the greatest source of amusement since Cheese Sandwich had come to town. (Hehehe...that guy was awesome!)

"Hahahahehehehe!!....hehehe...oh....girl...I swear...yer gonna' be the death a' me!...but...*ahem*...as fer that there question...ole' Mackie don't know 'bout what I do when I ain't on the farm. Well...the stuff that don't make the news anyway. A' course, I drink. Imma' country girl. Just 'cuz y'all don't all know it, don't mean I don't do it. Ya' dig?" Rainbow raised a single eyebrow.

"Uhh...then how come I've never seen you drink before? We've hung out in town a ton together. I would've seen you drinking." AJ popped her beer open and took a swig.

"Pfft. I knew better'n to get hammered what between you an' Pinkie Pie gettin' retarded an' all. Somepony had to look after y'all two idgits. 'Member when ya' got shitfaced at The Horseshoe that one time?" That didn't help to jog her memory. She'd gotten drunk at The Horseshoe an innumerable amount of times.

"Uhh...you might need to be...a uh...bit more specific, AJ."

"Oh. Right...well...uh...it was to celebrate Fluttershy's birthday. 'Member? All six of us went out on the town. Only me'n Twilight were sober by the night's end. Hehehe..." Now she remembered.

"Oh, yeah! That was awesome! Dude! You remember how Fluttershy got all crazy an' started yelling "I'm the Animal Queen, bitches! And it's my birthday! Bow down!" Hehehe....oh, dude..."

"Hah! Oh, yeah! Completely outta' character an' everythin'! She didn't even wanna' go to The Horseshoe at first. Had to drag her outta' that ole' cottage a' hers, or she'd a' never even gotten a party. Who'd a' guessed lil', ole' Fluttershy was a mean drunk? An' lil, miss Princess Prissy Pants of the Fashion Kingdom drank herself an entire bottle a wine by her lonesome. Hehehe...then poor, ole' Rarity passed out on the table. She didn't 'member none of it the next day. Hehehe...but...I was makin' a point with all that."

"Oh? Do continue, Miss Apple."

"Oh, my. Why thank you, Miss Dash. I shall. Well...you 'member how ya' got all mean an' went right up to Carrot Top that night?"

"Oh....dammit..." She remembered now. Unfortunately.

"You were yellin' right up in her face....hehehe...sayin' her mane looked like a giant cheese poof."

"Well...she fuckin' started it! She was calling me names!"

"Girl...no, she weren't. I was there fer the whole thing. Sober. She asked ya' politely...politely to lower your voice an' stop cussin' so loud. She an' her fiance' were tryin' to unwind together was all." Rainbow felt embarrassed.

"That's...that's not how I remember it..." AJ shrugged.

"Surprised you remember it at all, girl. You were drunker'n Berry Punch is on a Friday night after she closes the liquor store. I still 'member yer exact words, too...hehehe...when she asked if you could "lower your volume." Hold on....lemme' try to do like you did...*ahem*..."Hey, bitch! Yo! The fuck'd you just call me?! I'm loud, huh?! Oh, yeah!!? Well, your mane looks like a frizzly-ass cheese poof!! Fix that shit! It's fuck-ugly!"...hehehe....man..." AJ's impression of Rainbow was so...eerily spot on...that it was actually unnerving. Rainbow shuddered.

"Jeez....that impression, dude...it's...jeez....I can't even. I can't even! It's so perfect it's weird! It's weird! S'weird!!" AJ merely laughed.

"Oh, that weren't even the best part! Best part was when Pinkie Pie started jumpin' around after ya' yelled all that. She were drunker'n a skunk, too...hehehe...lemme' try to do Pinkie fer a second...*ahem*..."Cheesy poofs?! Where!? Dashie! Are you holding out on me?! Oh, look! There's one!! It's on top somepony's head!! I'll get it!!"....then she jumped right on top a' ole' Carrot Top...an' tried to eat her....hehehehahha!!...oh...tried to eat her mane!...hehehe...." Rainbow, embarrassed as she was, began snickering alongside her best friend. She had to admit. It was pretty funny. And AJ's impression of Pinkie was also uncanny.

"Hehehe...dude! How in the hell do you do that?! Seriously! That sounded just like her!"

"I'll never tell. It's an Apple family secret. But ya' gotta' admit....hehehe...pretty hard to believe Pinkie, drunk or no, would actually try to eat somepony else's hair. Her actual...hair. Hehehe..."

"I actually wasn't all that surprised. Pretty mundane for Pinkie Pie, really. And she totally would have done it, too, if you guys hadn't pulled her off the bitch. Honestly. I didn't really wanna' pull her off myself. Would've served the bitch right." AJ frowned and shook her head.

"Damn, girl! That's purdy cruel. C'mon, now." AJ was right...as usual...(ugh...fuck...)

"Yeah, yeah...I'm a terrible pony. I'm mean, and I suck."

"Lookit you, gettin' all dramatic an' self-flagellatin'!. Oooh! Adorable. Ain't the reason I brought all that up anyway. Reason was 'cause I know better'n to drink when I got a Rainbow/Pinkie timebomb waitin' to go off. Somepony's gotta' take care a' y'all, right?" Rainbow grinned.

"Yeah...you're right. We can be complete douchebags when we're drunk. I know. Thanks for watchin' out for us, dude."

"And you are most welcome, Miss Dash. But...we done got off topic again. Weren't we talkin' 'bout ole' Mackie?...hehehe...yeah...I think we were."

"Dude. Please. Don't you ever get tired of teasing me for that shit? Seriously. I'd get pretty bored of it if it were me."

"To answer that particular question: No. No, I don't. But...I had myself a legit question fer ya'..." Rainbow leaned back in her chair and took a sip of her beer.

"Oh, this should be good..."

"Smart-aleck. Hehehe...well...'member how I done asked ya' why all them rumors 'boutcha' bein'...uhh...that way bothered ya'?" Rainbow dumbly nodded. She'd hoped the specific questions that would elucidate the true depth of her obsession wouldn't be asked. Clearly, this was not to be.

"Well...ya' just answered 'bout how much ya' love my brother. Now I don't take no offense or nothin', mind you. Okay? Just...ya' mind explainin' why it bothers ya'? I know ya' got a thing for ole' Mackie, but that don't really explain why all this foolassery gets yer goat, ya' dig?" She dug.

"Well...lemme' try to explain...when...when somepony says that I'm just gay and like...just pretending to be straight or somethin'...that...that..." Merely thinking about her feelings...her true feelings for him had struck her emotions deeply. She began blinking back tears, trying to contain her sensitivity.

"I know it's a sensitive issue, sugarcube. Take yer time." Rainbow nodded.

"Well..*sniff*...it's...it's just that when they say I'm like that...it's like they're also saying that what I feel doesn't matter. That'...*sniff*...that it's not real. But...but it is real! I...I know this sounds crazy..." AJ laid a hoof on Rainbow's shoulder and smiled gently.

"It's okay, sweetie. I believe ya'." Rainbow began weeping in earnest. She hated this. She felt pathetic.

"It's...*sob*...it's like...th-they...*sob*...they're saying what I want...everything I want is pointless. Like...*sob*...like it doesn't matter. They think I'm just a big, fuckin' lesbo who's still in the closet!! Shit like that!! Motherfuckers!!" She was angry. Again. She couldn't help it.

"Shhh...it's okay, Rainbow. Calm down. Just...just keep goin'. Don't worry 'bout them assholes, 'kay?" Rainbow nodded plaintively and continued.

"S-sorry...it's...well, think about it this way, okay? *sniff* It'd be like if somepony came up to you, AJ, an' like...*sniff*...told you that...one of your biggest goals in life... a part of your dreams....that it wasn't real. It was all in your head. Fake. It's like saying that my mom was never a scientist and was just a dumb slut...or my dad was never a Wonderbolt...or my dream to be a Wonderbolt is retarded or something...it...it hurts. Or like...imagine...like...if they said *sniff* that you didn't really love your own family. That your love wasn't real. That's...that's how it feels when I hear that..." AJ smiled and embraced her friend.

"Awwww...Rainbow...it's okay, girl. I know whatcha' feel is real, okay? I know. An' you know. That's all that matters, sweetheart. Ya' shouldn't give a fuck what them assholes think 'boutcha'. They prob'ly didn't even like ya' to begin with." Rainbow blinked away her tears.

"T-thanks, dude. You're the best...*sniff*...but...how can you guys...how can you not care what they think? How? I...I care. I don't know why...but I care." She did. She even cared what Flitter thought of her...which made her future attendance of her tormentor's party all the more horrifying. What was she going to do?

"Girl...folks say all sorts a' shit 'bout us Apples...we're inbred...stupid...meth cooks...moonshiners...sex slave traffickers...etcetera etcetera. I done heard it all, girl. Reason we don't care is 'cause none of it's true. An' ya' know what? Most of them rumors stopped floatin' around, too. The more ya' try to fight 'em, the worse they get, ya' dig?" She dug.

"Huh...that's...so...if you guys get called that shit all the time...then how come I don't hear about it anymore?"

"'Cause folks figured out that none of it were true. We didn't go off on everypony fer insinuatin' something like that. After a while, folks got to know us an' figured out we weren't doin' none a' that shit." Rainbow had an epiphany.

"S-So that's it?! That's what I gotta' do?! Just...just laugh it off?" AJ nodded and stroked her friend's mane.

"Exactly. Fuck 'em. If they don't know ya' to begin with, then why's their opinion carry any weight? They're just some no-name shitasses who heard a false rumor an' started believin' it were true without so much as a single fact check. I believe there's a word fer folks like that: They're called "idiots." Rainbow began giggling despite her tears. She hated crying like this. She hated being such a burden on her friend. Why couldn't she be cool and awesome right now? Why now?

"AJ...thanks, dude. That...that makes me feel so much better. Seriously. You're the best, dude."

"Ha! Shut up, girl, I know it! But ya' better be forewarned...I'm still gonna' give ya' shit fer bein' all dewy-eyed 'round my brother." Rainbow snickered.

"Hehehe...that's cool...guess I kinda' deserve it, huh? But uh...could ya' just...just not do it in front of him? Please? Just between the two of us, okay?" AJ smiled again.

"Okay, sweetie. I promise I ain't gonna' do nothin' like that to ya'. And hey...I'm on yer side a' this after all. Kinda' makes us sisters an' shit don't it?" Rainbow grinned.

"Hehehe...really? That's cool. So...so you actually want us to get together?" AJ nodded.

"Heh. I reckon so. I think y'all'd be good together. An' from what I've seen a' the two a' ya' together so far, y'all are purdy much made fer each other. I ain't seen Mac so smiley an' goofy in years, ya' know? I think it's 'cause a' you, girl." Rainbow was stunned.

"D-Dude! Does...does he like me, too? Can you tell?! Do you know?! Dude, ya' gotta' tell me!"

"Hehehe...awwww...that's adorable! Yes, it is! Goo-goo boo-boo! Osha bobo do! Gitchy gitchy goo!" AJ began tickling her friend with the tips of her forehoofs.

"Hey! Dude, c'mon! Hehehe...cut it out! I'm being serious!"

"Heh. Me, too. But as fer Mac...I'm sorry, sugarcube. I can't tell ya'. An' it ain't 'cause I'm keepin' a secret. It's 'cause I ain't gotta' a goddang clue how Mac feels or thinks sometimes." Rainbow was...confused...how didn't AJ know?

"What? How do you not know him like that? I don't get it...shit...I wish I had a bigger vocabulary to explain this with...man..."

"Awww...nah. I gotcha' loud an' clear, sweetheart. I understand. I just can't tell what's goin' on in that big, ole' feller's head sometimes. He's real introverted an' private. Just like Mama was. Now...it's real obvious when he's happy like today or real angry or somethin'. But in between...it's hard to tell. He can be a complete stranger sometimes. Even to his own family." AJ had sounded out those last words as though their very utterance was pain itself.

"I...uhh...you really don't know?" AJ shook her head.

"Eenope. After Ma an' Pa died, he just...sorta' clammed up. Almost stopped talkin' completely. Used to be almost as talkative as me at one point...hehehe...well...almost...nah...maybe I'm exaggeratin'...he got even more...uhh..."distant" after he got back from the army or whatever. Just how he is, ya' know?" Rainbow nodded in resignation. She'd hoped AJ would've known how her brother felt about his little "girlbro."

"Well...thanks for being there for me, dude. Seriously. I owe ya'." AJ snickered and mussed up her friends mane.

"Awww, shiiieet, gurl! We're good. An' maybe I can help y'all two hook up an' all." Rainbow perked up.

"R-Really?! Y-you'd do that for me?! Are you serious?!"

"Awwww...that's just the cutest dang thing...but...yeah. Imma' try an' get y'all together. I think yer the best thing fer ole' Mackie right now. I think ya' make him...well...happy. An' that's sayin' a lot."

"Dude! You're the friggin' best!", cried Rainbow as she embraced her best friend.

"D'aawww...I wuv you, too, Wainbow!"

"Hehehe...you're such a dick."

"Shit, girl. I know it."

"Hehehe...so uh...how...how're we gonna' do this, if you don't know what Mac's thinking and stuff?"

"Oh...oh, I got some ole' tricks up my sleeve. Just you wait an' see."

"Hehehe...but you're not wearing sleeves."

"An' there ya' go again, splittin' fuckin' hairs! But...listen fer a second..." Rainbow let her friend go. AJ's demeanor turned somber.

"Okay. What's up?"

"Just promise me one thing: Please don't hurt my brother, Rainbow. Please. He's been hurt enough already. Can ya' do that fer me?" Rainbow nodded and smiled. Rainbow owed her friend everything now. She'd do anything for her now...and she'd never hurt the love of her life in a million years. It was an easy promise to make.

"Of course, dude. I promise. I don't wanna' hurt the guy...I wanna' do the opposite..."

"Well, I 'ppreciate ya', girl. Thank ya'. But what's this "opposite" yer talkin' 'bout?"

"Isn't it obvious?" AJ raised a single eyebrow.

"Uhh...you can still hurt somepony by lovin' 'im...so that ain't it...what're ya' talkin' 'bout, girl?"

"Hehehe...I wanna' fuck your brother so hard, he blacks out and can only taste salt for three days afterwards. That's what I meant." AJ recoiled in horror.

"Aaauuggh! Dammit, girl!! Eeyuck!! Jeez...God Almighty...that's nasty! Keep that shit to yerself! I don't wanna' hear all that! 'Specially not about my damn brother!!" Rainbow began laughing harder than she had in years.

Mac decided another "song" was in order for his little morphine angel.

"Rainbow....oh, girl...my love fer you's crazy like a dog with rabies!"

"C'mon, girl. Let's get together and start makin' babies....hehehe...man...the fuck was that shit?! Hehehe...that was awful." (I concur.)

"Hey, screw you, brain! You don't get no opinion on the subject, seein' as ya' didn't lift a single hoof back there when I needed ya'." (I ain't got any hooves, ya' dumbass.)

"It was an idiomatic phrase." (An idiom, huh? Hah! Surprised ya' even know what that is...inbred hick.)

"Hey, if I'm inbred, then so are you, ya' idgit! Man...fuck you." (No, fuck you. I can do this all day, buddy. I ain't goin' nowhere. Got all the time in the world, motherfucker.)

"Boy...yer startin' to piss me off now..." (Oh, am I? So goddamn what? You ain't gon' do shit.)

"Oh, really? Well then...I guess it wouldn't bother ya' none, if'n I went downstairs an' drank all that beer in the fridge." (W-Wait a second! C'mon now, buddy! L-Let's be reasonable here!)

"Hehehe...thought that might give ya' a start. Maybe I can whack myself over my damn head with a hammer while I'm drinkin' it, too." (Hey! C'mon! There ain't no need fer none a' that, man!)

"Eeyup. Maybe I can poke ya' with a Q-tip while I'm at it..." (Hey, now! H-Hey! L-Let's talk about this, man!)

"Eeyup. Maybe I can even...listen to that there dumbassed radio station...the one...the dreaded...the foulest of them all..." (No...no...you can't mean...you can't...)

"Oh, yeah! Equestrian National Public Radio!! DUNH DUNH DUHHHHH!!!!" (OH, GOD!!! Please don't!! They're just a bunch a' pretentious assholes! They ain't even knowledgeable on the shit they're talkin' 'bout, an' they only play the compositions from well-known composers! If'n I gotta' hear Grivanovsky's 3rd Symphony one more goddamn time...I'm gonna'...I don't even know what I'm gonna' do...)

"Oh? Then I suggest we come to a civil agreement, brain. Or I'll switch that motherfucker on, an' you'll start meltin' like a stick a' butter on a hot rock." (O-Okay...I'll be good...)

"Very well, then. Glad you've managed to see reason." (...asshole...)

"I heard that." (Eep!)

"Strike two, feller. But...I gotta' question fer ya', man..." (Yeah? What's up?)

"How many people you reckon we killed?" (Hey! I ain't killed nobody! That was all yer doin', buddy boy!)

"Mmmmmmbullshiiieeet! All them neurons and precognitive/cognitive actions? Fine an' gross motor skills? I cain't do shit physically without yer sayso, ya' dumbshit." (Meh. Guess ya' got a point there. Touche'.)

"Oh? Why thank you, sir, fer yer admission of liability. It's most appreciated. But...how many you reckon?" (Shiiieet, boy...lemme' think...I'd say at least...hmm...over two hundred kills...somethin' like that.)

"Good God. We're a walkin' talkin' apocalypse, man...." ('Spose we are. At least most of 'em weren't ponies.)

"Like that makes a damn difference. Hmm...how many of each species...how many you reckon?" (Hmm...'bout sixty or so Griffons...at least two Minotaurs...over a hundred dogs an' wolves easy...an' the rest were ponies. Mostly bandits, I reckon.)

"Fuck. We're fuckin' terrifyin', ain't we?" (Eeyup. Even more so, considerin' yer havin' a conversation with yer own brain right now. That ain't even possible, man.)

"I reckon it ain't, huh? Hehehe...yeah. We're a fuckin' animal, huh?" (We ain't "a fuckin' animal", son. We're THE FUCKIN' ANIMAL. The biggest. The worst. The baddest. An' them drugs ain't helpin' none, either.)

"Them drugs're yer fault, motherfucker. "Waaaah! I'm John's brain! Waaahh! I have a monoaminergic problem! I ain't got enough serotonin an' dopamine! Waaah!" That's you. That's what you sound like." (Huh. So's when yer killin' someone, I'm half to blame...but when yer all depressed an' shit, it's all my fault? Classy. Reeeaaal classy.)

"Yeah, yeah. I know. I'm just givin' ya' shit, man. Lighten up." (Very well. I shall. For your sake, John Apple. Only for you, baby.)

"Awww...ain'tchu' all sweet now? But...you reckon...you reckon Rainbow would understand? If...if we told her?" (I dunno, man. She might think it's "cool" or some such nonsense. Maybe.)

"Hah! Yeah...right. I can see it now! Hehehe...lemme' do my Rainbow impression fer this..."Yo, Red! 'Sup, brah?! I think your body count is fuckin' hot, dude! Oh, baby...paint me like one of your Prench girls!"...hehehe...how was that?" (Not bad, man. Gettin' better.)

"Yeah...thanks...but she can't love me. She can't." (Maybe. Maybe not. You don't even wanna' try. Yer too scared, motherfucker.)

"Eeyup. That's right, rabbit. Too goddamn scared." (Fear. It's eatin' ya'. Now it's time to go to sleep, John.)

"But I don't wanna'! Five more minutes!" (No. It's time for sleep, John. Sleep.)

He complied. His thoughts faded to black. John Macintosh Apple entered a dreamless sleep.

After bidding her bestie good night, Rainbow decided to turn in. It was almost 9:00 P.M...about fifteen minutes 'til. She'd need her rest for tomorrow...even more so, considering that the Apples typically awoke at 5:00 A.M. sharp. She groaned as she went up the steps to her room. She hated mornings. She hated not being able to sleep in...but...she had something else now...something she hadn't had in all the years she'd known the Apples. Hope. A chance. Not only were her chances of winning the contest all the better now that AJ was on her and Mac's side, but also...AJ was going to try and hook the two of them up. She grinned. AJ was a pretty awesome friend, she had to admit. Things were looking up finally. She stopped in her tracks. She'd heard a noise.

"Hellllooooo, Detrot!!" It sounded like it'd come from Mac's room. Did he have his radio turned on or something? It sounded just like one of those hair metal singers screaming out to an audience. She snickered and shook her head. She had to be losing it or something. She entered her room and closed the door behind. She slipped under the covers, deciding to keep her hoodie on. The room was a bit chilly tonight. Tank was lying on the pillow next to her own head. She smiled.

"Hey, buddy....how ya' doin'? Liking it here so far?" Tank croaked that cute, little tortoise noise that Rainbow loved. She pulled the little guy towards her chest, snuggling up close to him to warm him up.

"Hehehe...after I'm done with chores an' stuff tomorrow, I can take ya' out for a walk or something...would ya' like that?" Tank smiled at her in response. He loved her no matter what she did. Unconditionally. Rainbow giggled and kissed him on top his scaly, little head.

Before long, Rainbow had drifted off into a blissful sleep. She had a dream where she and Mac were getting married on a cloud. Her mom and dad were there...both of them were alive and well...both of them happy...all her friends were there, too, serving as her bridesmaids. AJ was her maid of honor...the farmgirl had gotten drunk and started giving a raunchy speech. All of the Wonderbolts were there...which made sense...considering Rainbow was a Wonderbolt, too, in the dream. Her little buddy, Spike, was the ring-bearer. Rainbow was wearing her mother's own angelic wedding gown...and Mac was in a striking formal tux. He was so handsome...so wonderful...perfect...she smiled and let the dream take her away.

It was so beautiful. She didn't want it to end.