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How to Court Alicorns: A Human's Guide

by little big pony

Chapter 22: Step [REDACTED]

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“Alright, your Majesty, just hold still and I’ll get this cast off of you in a jiffy!”

Blueblood only sighed, closing his eyes and looking up at the ceiling with a big old smile on his face. After almost a month of doing nothing but laying around,reading, and being bothered by the castle’s nursing staff he was about to get this awful cast off of his leg. Soon he’d be up and about again doing as he wished. He’d be able to eat whatever he wanted, he’d be able to skip and hop and dance if the thought struck his fancy, he’d be able to bathe himself, and he wouldn’t be stuck in some bed all day.

Will you hurry up? The prince thought in irritation, (saying it out loud wouldn’t go so well for him he was sure) resisting the urge to wiggle around. I can’t wait for this horrid thing to be off! Though he was as impatient as could be he forced himself to stay still as the nurse levitated a small saw over and started to saw away at the cast.

“That’s right, your Highness, just stay still,” the nurse cooed in a babying tone that made Blueblood roll his eyes. “I want to make sure not to accidently cut anything else off along with the cast.”

…Why do the nurses here have such appalling humor? Blue thought while the nurse giggled at her own “joke”, the mare humming a happy little tune while he held himself as still as possible. I swear my aunt sends me these kind of ponies just for the headache…

And speaking of his Auntie Celestia, that was going to be the first pony that he was going to see; her, and by extension, Anny.

From what he had heard about their… odd second date the two had found that they shared a rather embarrassing (or at least what he thought was embarrassing) hobby and now, over these past few days, had been having a ball with it. Twice the two had come into his room to read a Daring Do book to him (they had ignored him when he had demanded that they leave and stop treating him like a foal), and he had heard from the castle staff that the two were up at all hours of the day running around with their little outfits and shouting out book quotes whenever they thought nopony was around to hear or see them. And sweet Faust upon her golden throne did Blueblood wish nopony had seen or heard as something as silly and childish as that!

“You just need to stop being such a grumpyhooves, Blueblood,” Cadence had told him when he had complained about it during one of her visits. “If the two want to run around with their hats and vests then they can. They’re adults and they shouldn’t have to worry about what other ponies think about their hobbies.”

When Blueblood had pointed out that while that was all and good for the average pony but not for a mare that had ruled a country for almost fifteen hundred years, Cadence had, with a big happy smile on her face, told him that it was cute and for him to shut his mouth about it. “You let me have this, Blueblood. Let. Me. Have. This.”

So Blueblood had kept his mouth shut while Cadence had not so subtly told the castle staff (the guard included) that they’d be scrubbing the castle floors for the next year if either Celestia or Anny ever found out that somepony had seen them running around acting like children, and to be honest…

Seeing his aunt like this was starting to grow on him.

Not seeing her with some dumb hat or vest on her with a whip in her mouth, heavens no! He enjoyed seeing his aunt happy; so happy that she’d hum tunes to herself or do a little dance whenever she walked or just laugh for laughter’s sake. She seemed to glow and brighten up wherever she went, she’d joke and laugh and even help the maids or servants on occasion (which was why Cadence’s orders with the staff were still being followed, Blueblood guessed).

His aunt, a mare that had known him and raised him all of his life, was starting to act like a normal, average pony, and he suspected that meant more to her than anything else in the whole wide world. And it was all thanks to Anny, a weird hairless ape alien thing that had refused to take no for an answer.

Though I hope the two of them don’t continue to run around in those silly costumes, Blueblood thought, chuckling to himself. I hope that Anny wouldn’t say no to THAT request…

“Alright… just a little bit more annnnnnd…”

Blueblood let out a content sigh as the nurse cut the last bit of his cast off and pulled it from his leg.

“Woo, that always takes more out of this old mare every time I do it,” the nurse mused, wiping a bit of sweat from her brow. “There you go, your Highness; now if you could please move your leg around and tell me if you’re feeling any discomfort.”

Women, this leg could be about ready to fall off and I wouldn’t tell you about it, Blueblood thought, doing as the nurse asked and slowly moving around his back leg. I’d rather see the darkest pits of Tartarus than deal with that cast any longer.

Thankfully for him there wasn’t any discomfort or tightness or anything worrisome or uncomfortable like that so, after poking at him for a minute or two and making a few jokes that he didn’t appreciate, Blueblood was finally allowed to get up and walk around.

“Just do a few laps around the room while I go and get the doctor to look at you one last time, your Majesty,” the nurse said, walking toward the door. “Even though I’m sure you’re as right as rain he might want you here a little longer for some therapy to help bring that leg of yours back to full strength.”

Blueblood didn’t even bother to answer her as he trotted back and forth the room with a huge smile on his face. “Wonderful, wonderful,” he sang, looking down at his leg before rearing up. “No more beds, no more horrid food; just me and my four perfectly working appendages!” Almost without meaning to Blueblood started to high-step around the room, then hop around, and then skip.

“My, my somepony’s happy to be up and about, no?”

With a girlish shriek Blue jumped a foot into the air and landing onto the ground in a heap. When the mystery voice giggled out in amusement he scrambled to his hooves with a growl. “Who dares—“

Fleur smiled the second that he looked over at her, her smile widening when his jaw dropped. “Hello, Bleu, it has been a long while has it not?”

Blueblood looked upon his old, old friend in disbelief, and had to resist the urge to rub his eyes. There was no way that Fleur could be standing in front of him in the middle of the castle. He barely knew where he was right now, and with all of the nurses and castle staff and guards all running around, and each and every one of them knew what the supermodel looked like either by warning from the guard or a magazine or they had seen her running around with him…

“…Fleur?” the prince said cautiously, taking a nervous step forward. The mare looked just as perfect as he remembered, her eyes clear and her coat shiny and her mane fabulous. His heart raced just looking at her. “Fleur? Is that you?”

Blueblood took a step forward, then another, then another, and then another, until he was finally within hoof’s reach of her. There were tears in his eyes as one of his hooves reached up to touch her. “You’re a-alright?”

Still smiling, Fleur reached down, grabbing his hoof and bringing it up to her face. “Of course I am, Bleu,” she cooed, looking over him.

The smile that was forming on Blueblood’s face disappeared as he looked up and carefully looked his friend over. Now that he had a good look at her she wasn’t the perfect, healthy mare that he remembered. Her eyes were bloodshot and there were bags upon bags under her eyes, she looked… thinner and…

“Is there something wrong, Bleu?” Fleur asked as he took a step away from her.

…She doesn’t even sound like the Fleur that I know… the princes thought, eyeing the door behind his friend.

“…Fleur? Though it’s wonderful to see that you’re… alright, could you please explain to me how you got in here?”

Fleur giggled, taking a step toward him. “Well, I heard that my dear, dear friend was getting his cast off today and I decided to pull some strings so that I could come up to the castle to see you.” She swayed side-to-side as if she was having trouble keeping her hooves. “My dear Jeeves said that he had some business up at the castle anyway so it would be perfect!”

Blueblood found himself walking backwards until he hit the wall. Where is that blasted nurse at? He thought, trying to look calm and collected even though it was dangerously close to losing it. “And just what business does your butler have up at the castle and why is it perfect?”

A flash of green passed across Fleur’s eyes and she twitched again. “I’m going to finally succeed, Bleu,” she told him, walking up to him so close that their noses were almost touching. “Even though there have been a few… drawbacks with Anny and I, I have the perfect plan to crush Celestia and make him love me!”

As he looked upon his haggard and weary friend, Blueblood couldn’t help but feel a pang of pity; pity that overcame his suspicion and fear and made him reach up and cup Fleur’s face.

“Fleur, please,” he begged, tears coming back to his face. “Please, whatever you did, whatever you’re doing, whatever is happening please, no more!” He pressed her head downward so he could look at her properly. “Let Anny and Celestia be; the two of them are happy together. We couldn’t stop that happiness no matter what we tried and I sincerely doubt whatever you have planned will make that any different.”

In an instant Fleur’s kind and happy face twisted into an angry sneer. “Nonsense, Bleu!” she said, drawing away from him and standing tall. “You and I may have not been able to break them apart, and even with that storm they are still together, but I WILL. BREAK. THEM!”

Blueblood couldn’t help but let out a gasp. “Wait, you were the cause of that—“

“Celestia doesn’t deserve a colt like Anny! She doesn’t deserve to take somepony’s happiness and live happily ever after with it!” Fleur looked wildly around the room, almost foaming at the mouth as she crouched low to the ground almost as if she was ready to pounce. “It doesn’t matter if I have to tear the very heavens out from under them I will break the two of them up and—“
Sensing that she was getting a little too carried away with herself Fleur cleared her throat and stood back up to her full height. “I have heard that the two of them will be having a third date in a few days,” she said, her voice as chipper and happy as before, though it sounded far more fake to him now. “With the help of my butler and a few of his friends we’re going to make quite a mess of things and—“

The second that Fleur turned her attention away from him Blueblood acted. Though he was, in fact, a little stiff from his cast he had no problem whatsoever as he charged around Fleur and toward the door.

There was something wrong with his friend, he could see that as plain as day, and whoever this “Jeeves” was (because it sure as hay wasn’t the butler that he knew) they had something nasty planned. If Fleur could get in here without a problem then others could be walking around the castle just as easily and do whatever evil they planned to do. If he could get out of this room and to one of his aunts or maybe a guard then they could secure Fleur and check the castle. They’d fix Fleur, beat up the baddies, Fleur would see what she was doing was wrong and she’d apologize to Celestia, and everything would be alright. Everything WOULD be alright!

Fleur let out a surprised gasp at his sudden burst of speed, her head whipping around to watch him race toward the door, throw it open, and run right into somepony’s chest. He didn’t hit them with his horn (thank the gods), and he was about to apologize for running into them (more out of reflex than anything) when he stopped.

Blueblood might not have been the biggest stallion in the whole world but he wasn’t small either, and he had been running like the devil was on his tail. He should have at least moved this pony, if not just straight up bowled them over. Whoever he had ran into must have been one heavy, or, strong, individual. And that wasn’t all.

Whoever he had run into felt… different than a normal pony. They didn’t seem to have any fur on this chest at all. It was more leathery and hard, almost insect-lik—

Queen Chrysalis looked down at the prince with a teasing, predator-like smile. “Oh, it looks like somepony’s made a speedy recovery,” she mused.

Blueblood paled, scrambling back into the room as the Changeling queen strode in like she owned the place. “Y-You’re… Y-You’re.”

The Queen’s smile just widened as a beaming Fleur trotted over to her.

“Oh, hello, Butler,” the supermodel said. “Did you all finish your business at the castle?”

Not breaking eye contact with Blueblood, Chrysalis, reached over and ran her hoof down Fleur’s cheek. “Everything’s prepared to ruin the date, my lady,” she said, her voice fitting the butler that Blueblood had known for years. “Just as you asked.”

Fleur nodded before looking at the prince with a concerned frown. “Good… good… Bleu? Is there something wrong?”

“I’m sure that he is just exhausted, my lady,” Chrysalis said, as quick as a whip. “Getting that cast of his off and seeing that you are alive and well must have been a bit too much for the poor dear.”

Blueblood tried to open his mouth to speak but then the Changeling ran her long tongue along one of her razor sharp fangs, shutting him right up.
Fleur seemed to mull that over for a few seconds. “Are you sure? Maybe—“

Rolling her eyes, the queen’s horn sparked to life, a cloud of green magic floating over Fleur’s head. The supermodel blinked, her eyes turning green, before she smiled once again.

“—I’m… I’m sure that you are right, Jeeves,” Fleur said dreamily.

“You yourself seem tired, my lady.” Chrysalis flicked her head to the door. “Why don’t you go outside and let one of my workers take you back to your condo for some rest?”

Fleur nodded, making her way toward the door. “Of course, Jeeves… you’re right, I need some sleep…” Stopping mid step, Fleur looked back at Blueblood one last time and smiled. “Goodbye, Bleu. I hope to see you at my victory feast when I have Anny in my hooves!”

Blueblood and Chrysalis watched as the supermodel leftave the room and closed the door behind her, leaving the two of them alone together.

With that amused smile still on her face, the queen once again turned to look at him. “Most stallions would have tried to yell or fight or run by now,” she said, in the same tone one might have when talking about the weather. “It is a shame that you didn’t; I would have enjoyed—“

Chrysalis stopped mid-sentence when she saw the look that the prince was giving her. Being a creature that ate emotions she had tasted everything from love to fear to joy to hate but the sheer wave of rage that came off of the princes almost made her take a step back in shock.

Blueblood took a step forward, his chest puffed out and his horn glowing brightly. Gone was the cowering prince that had been ready to dive under the bed. These… these things were doing something to Fleur’s mind, and they were going to try to hurt Celestia or something even worse! Though he wasn’t much of a fighter (not a fighter at all now that he thought about it) he could at least try to do something. Maybe he might make enough noise to alert somepony, maybe he might be able to escape; heck, he might even be able to fight her now that he was angry enough.

“What. Did. You. Do. To. He—“

The prince yelped as the queen picked him up with her magic, turned him on his side, and laid him down. He tried to struggle, kicking his legs and wiggling around wildly while also trying to fire off a spell, but it was almost like he was glued to the ground.

“Oh horse apples… let me go you ruffian!”
With a chuckle Chrysalis slowly walked toward him and leaned down. “And now why would I do that my tasty little morsel?” she cooed.

Blueblood thrashed around until his chest was heaving and his limbs burned and sweat was pooled all around him before finally giving up and just lieying there, and trying to catch his breath while the queen inspected a hoof.

“Are you quite finished?” She asked while Blueblood glared up at her with all of the hatred in his furry little body.

“What… are you… going to… do?” he demanded between breaths.

The door was once again, revealing...

“What I’m going to do is no concern of yours, my little snack,” Chrysalis said as a grinning “Blueblood”, his eyes flashing green and a sneer on his face, entered the room. “But what you should be concerned with is Going. To. Sleep…

Next Chapter: Step Five: Get that Kiss! Estimated time remaining: 1 Hour, 10 Minutes
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