Canterlot, also known as the jewel of Equestria, was having another simple, yet elegant and refined, day.

Yep, birds were swimming, fish were flying, and the nobles were strutting up upon the mountain-side capital while they systematically tried to look more pompous than their fellows. This day was subsequently changed when the nobles heard from reliable sources that their newest princess, Twilight Sparkle, had been seen exiting the train station.

Many a noble was agast; how dare the princess not send warning beforehand so they could get ready! Many told their fellow bluebloods that if they had the mind they would simply ignore her.

But, since this new princess looked appetizingly malleable to many of the nobility, they could forgive her for this heinous crime. Yes, if the nobles had their way, Twilight ‘the Duchess of the Dictionary’ Sparkle would have spent the whole day listening to their problems, being invited to an assortment of parties, and dealing with dozens of proposals for her hoof in marriage.

Thankfully, Twilight was saved by this horrible fate by the terrifying and--if the upper-crust of Canterlot was being honest-- ugly Minotaur-like thing that she was leading through the city.

Ponies couldn’t help but gasp whenever the princess, her little dragon pet/servant, and the monster passed, instantly turning toward their fellow noble to gossip about this scandal.

How could Princess Twilight besmirch her name and the name of her fellow princesses by associating with such a beast?! Had it done something to her mind?

No, some insisted, the Princess must be bringing this creature into their far city for some noble purpose.

Maybe it was some kind of new species that she wanted Canterlot’s greatest minds to study, maybe she was bringing it in as a prisoner to face the justice of some unknown crime, or maybe it was going to be the newest addition to the city’s zoo; these and many other theories--some of them ridiculous, some even more ridiculous-- were tossed around by almost every pony in the city.

Not that Twilight gave a saltlick about any of that.

No, the alicorn had more important matters on her mind.

“Now, Anny,” she said as the three turned a corner. “Before we get to my mom’s house we need to go over a few important things.”

Anny nodded, adjusting the bag on his shoulder and wondering for the thousandth time why Twilight--who was usually a very sparse pony-- had decided to bring about ten travel bags worth of stuff. He also wondered why the alicorn, who could easily carry all of these with a simple spell, would make Spike carry most of the heavy-looking bags. Though, it did look adorable when the young dragon scrunched up his face in concentration while he carried them.

“Alright, Twilight, lay that knowledge down on me,” he said, reaching down and grabbing a few bags from Spike’s grasp, the dragon grunting his thanks. “And you know that you could carry one or two of these, right?”

Ignoring the last bit, the slightly irritated alicorn continued. “Now, since you didn’t listen at all on the train ride up here--”

“Hey, I told you that I get sleepy on trains,” Anny defended, getting a whack on the head for interrupting.

“--I’m going to have to give you the short version on how to handle my parents.”

Unfortunately for Twilight, who had lead them through the city on just muscle-memory, they had already reached her old home. “Now, firstly, never let my mom-”

“Um, Twilight?” Spike interrupted, making the purple princess groan.

“What, Spike?” she snapped.

Somehow, one of the dragon’s little arms poked out from all of the bags, pointing to the quaint little home. “We’re here.”

Anny hummed as he looked at the house, which was rather low-key for Canterlot. It was a medium sized, white-panel two-story house. Comfortable looking, but very forgettable when compared with the mansion-like structures surrounding it.

“Huh, that’s a nice family home you got there,” Anny told the alicorn, who was too busy in her throngs of panic to notice anything that the human was saying.

Twilight’s eyes widened almost comically. Looking at the houses windows and seeing one of the blinds opened, she gasped in horror. “Nonono!” she muttered, dancing around while her head snapped side-to-side. “She saw us and-”

The three blinked when the house’s doors slammed open, revealing a white, middle-aged unicorn mare with white and purple hair looking at the three with child-like glee. “MY BABIES!”

Twilight and Spike did the safest thing that you could do when confronted with a love-starved mother: they tried to book it. Anny blinked as Spike dropped his load and tried to take off down the street as fast as his stubby little legs could take him, while Twilight tried to run the other way, her wings flared out in panic . But it was all for naught, because you can never get away from Mom.

Never

Getting into an adorable little pouncing stance and sticking her tongue out in concentration, the mare was gone with a pop, appearing beside Spike one second-- grabbing the now squealing dragon-- before teleporting right in front of Twilight, who skidded to a stop when she saw the grinning mare.

“Where are you going, honey?” the mare asked while Spike tried to wiggle out of her grasp.

Twilight tried to back away from the mare, who followed her, trying to wrack her brain on how to get away. Realizing that there was no other option, she tried to reason with her mother. “Mom don-”

Anny bit back a snort as the mare wrapped Twilight and Spike into a bonecrushing hug, rocking them back and forth. “Oh my babies! Why haven’t you come to see me? Why don’t you write more often? Don’t you love your mother?!”

“We...were….here…*urk*....other….day!” Spike wheezed, trying to free himself while the mare nuzzled his cheek.

“Anny...help!” Twilight squeaked, turning an interesting shade of red while the human looked on, humming to himself thoughtfully.

“Nah, I’m good,” he said, ignoring Twilight’s betrayed look while he made his way to the house's porch, sitting down to wait for the display of parental love to be over.

What he didn’t realize was that the mare, Velvet Sparkle, had quite a bit of love in her little body, so he was going to be waiting there for a while if she had anything to say about it.

Well, I guess that’s a good way to introduce yourself, Anny thought as Twilight tried to teleport out of her mother’s grasp, only for her to be teleported right back into the older mare’s hooves.

“Why do you look so skinny, Twilypoo? Have you been eating enough?”

“Mom! Let go of me, we’re in public for Celestia’s sake!”

“Mom, I can’t breathe!”

“And look at you, Spike! Oh, my little drake’s getting so big!”

Anny heard a throaty chuckle behind, and, turning around, he saw another pony standing in the open doorway, this time a deep blue unicorn stallion that was also getting on in years. “Velvet will never change,” the stallion muttered, mostly to himself.

After looking at the three for a few seconds longer, the stallion made his way over to the human, offering him a hoof. “Hello there,” he said with a smile as Anny took his hoof. “You must be Antuious.”

“Antaeus, sir,” the human corrected. “But you can call me Anny.”

The stallion shook his head slowly, a small grin on his face. “Sweet Celestia, son, your parents must have had a heck of a sense of humor when they named you.” Seeing that he didn’t mean anything by it, Anny chuckled while the stallion grinned. “And you don’t have to call me ‘Sir’, Anny, it makes me feel old. Just Night Light will do.”

The human grinned down at the unicorn. “Well, Mr. Night Light, I can’t thank you enough for letting me stay in your home.”

The stallion waved that off good-heartedly. “Don’t mention it, Son, the missus and I will love the company. Speaking of my honey-bunny…” Night turned back toward his wife and kids. “Velvet, sweetie,” he called, getting Velvet’s attention. “Why don’t you leave those kids of yours alone and come and meet our house guest!”

To Anny’s and Night’s amusement, Velvet looked almost embarrassed as she let her children go-- Twilight and Spike hitting the ground and gasping for breath, thanking every deity that they could for their father’s quick-thinking-- and made her way over to Anny, who smiled politely at the mare.

“Hello, ma’am,” he said, offering her a hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you; Twilight told me a little bit about you and your husband.”

The mare smiled bashfully at him. “And you heard only good things, I hope,” she said, looking at his outstretched hand with a little bit of disdain. “Now, if you’re going to be living with us, honey, you’re going to have learn that the Sparkles don’t shake hooves.”

To her husband’s amusement, Velvet got up on her hind legs, giving Anny a hug, which he happily returned, much to Twilight’s horror.

“*urk*... Don’t...let...her...hug...you!” the mare tried to wheeze out, her lungs still recovering from her brush with death. “It’ll...only...make….it…..worse!”

To Velvet’s delight, she had a more hearty hugger in Anny, being able to squeeze him as hard as she wanted without damaging him. “Hehe, honey,” the mare said to her husband, who was shaking his head at his wife’s silliness as the mare didn’t look like she wanted to let him go. “It looks like I found somepony that I can squeeze all I want!”

“That’s nice, Honey,” Night said, years of his wife’s antics leaving him unphased in the face of this silliness. “Now, how about we help the kids get their bags inside and get them ready for lunch?”

Reluctantly, Velvet let go of the human, getting back on all fours. “You’re right honey,” the mare said, looking at the human with a critical eye. “The poor dear here looks like he’ll waste away if we don’t get him something to eat right away!”

Anny chuckled, rubbing the back of his head while he picked his bag back up and slung it across his back. “I’m a bit peckish at the moment,” he admitted, Velvet’s smile growing. “But I’d hate to impose, Mrs. Sparkle.”

The mare waved that away, using her magic to pick up all of Twilight’s and Spike’s bags. “Nonsense! I’d be more than happy to give you a little lunch; I hate to see a hungry pony after all,” she turned and made her way back to the doorway. “And please, just call me Mom.”

Twilight, who was struggling to get up, tried in vain to save her friend. “No...don’t...let…..her--”

She hit the ground with a quiet thud, her eyes closing and her tongue sticking out of her mouth like one who had just kicked the bucket.

The Sparkles rolled their eyes. “Anny, could you be a dear and grab Twilight and Spike?”

Nodding and muttering “Yes ma’am,” the human walked over and picked up Twilight, cradling the seemingly dead alicorn in his arms. Giving her a little shake, he said, “Quit messing around, Twilight, your mom didn’t hug you that hard.”

Twilight, her eyes still closed, muttered out of the side of her mouth, “If I play dead she’ll lose interest and find different prey to torture.”

Anny rolled his eyes, giving the bookworm a scratch on the belly before he grabbed Spike, who was also playing dead. “Silly, your mom’s not some predator!”

“And you don’t know my mother, Anny.”

%~~$~~%

Twilight ‘the Empress of the Encyclopedia’ Sparkle had seen many things in her short life. She personally helped save the planet more than once, she had a personal relationship with two ponies who raised and lowered the sun and moon, and she was a certain mind-breaking pony’s friend, so she thought she had seen all that there was to see.

That day, in her mother’s kitchen with her and her family watching, she saw that there was, in fact, a creature who could eat more than Applejack and Rainbow.

“How?” Spike finally said as Anny finished his sixth bowl of cabbage stew, summarizing what everypony--except Velvet, who couldn’t be happier-- was thinking.

A beaming Velvet Sparkle poked her head out of the kitchen. “Because he’s a growing boy, Spike, just like you.” She watched almost pridefully as Anny scooped spoonful upon spoonful of the tasty food into his mouth, putting it down after emptying it with a contented sigh.

“Man, that was great,” the human finally said. “And I don’t even like cabbage.” He patted his slightly bulging stomach contently, slumping in his chair as Velvet trotted over to him, levitating the plates off the table.

“Honey, do you want anymore to eat?” the mare asked, trying to think of a way to rub the human’s belly without putting him off.

Night chuckled, levitating a newspaper over and opening it. “If there’s any food left in this house…”

Anny shook his head at the mare, getting to his feet carefully. “No thank you, Mrs. Sparkle-”

“Like I said, just Mom, Honey.”

“-I couldn’t eat another bite. Besides, Twilight, Spike, and me need to go to the castle for a little bit.”

“Twilight, Spike, and I, Anny,” Twilight corrected, everyone else in the room rolling their eyes while the alicorn also got up. “And he’s right Mom. Anny, if we leave right now we’ll have enough time to look around and get back before it gets dark.”

Spike sighed, also getting off his chair, the drake making his way to the living room. “I’ll get the latex suits…”

“Don’t forget the solution that I have in that green bottle!” Twilight called after him, the Sparkles sharing looks. “Somepony’s going to need it to help get in his suite.”

Anny stiffened, his hands going to his belly. “I didn’t eat that much, Twilight!”

Night cleared his throat, stopping the beginnings of an argument. “You know, sweetie, while honey-bunny and I always love when you visit, you never told us why you’re not just staying up at the castle.”

Twilight and Anny, who were beginning to put on what looked to be one-piece black latex suits, looked at each other for a second before Twilight cryptically said, “I’m sorry, I can’t tell you, Dad, it’s official, classified princess business.”

Velvet nodded slowly, trying not to wince as the two struggled to get into their odd body wear. “That’s all well and good, Honey,” the mare said. “But why do you need these--”

“Ninja outfits,” Spike supplied, handing Twilight a green bottle.

“--Yes, ninja outfits… Why do you need these to go to the castle? I’m sure the princesses will be happy to see you as is.”

After a little bit more wiggling and a few bad words, the human and alicorn finally zipped their suits up, the latex hugging their bodies almost to the point of discomfort.

Twilight ‘the Thane of the Thesaurus’ Sparkle finally looked over at her amused parents, her face showing grave seriousness as she teleported a jar of eye-black in front of her face, and, opening the jar, she rubbed the grease under both of her eyes, completing her stealthatude.

“Like I said, Mom," the alicorn said, her voice taking a gravelly tone for some reason. “Classified.”

“Twilight and Anny are trying to find things out about Princess Celestia so Anny can find out if he wants to ask her out,” Spike said, ruining the serious effect that the human and alicorn were trying to portray, the two glaring at him while Velvet clapped her hooves together excitedly.

Night whistled, looking over his newspaper at the two. “Good luck with that, Son,” he told the human before he went back to his funnies.

“Spying on somepony to see if they’re the one?” Velvet said, her gaze turning dreamy. “That sounds like how Night and I got together - isn’t that right, Honey?”

Night Light nodded, a smile on his face. “You were stalking me from the rooftops…”

“And you found me looking through one of your cabinets…”

The two sighed, Velvet moving to nuzzle her husband while Twilight cringed at the display. “And the rest was history.”

Twilight awkwardly cleared her throat, still giving Spike a stern glare. “Well, Anny and I should get going…”

Spike looked over at his sister, a shocked look on his face. “Wait, what about me, Twilight?”

The alicorn’s look turned slightly smug. “Well, Spike, since you’ve just shown us that you can’t keep a secret worth a horseapple, you’re staying here.” She turned tried to make her way out of the room, only for Spike to hop-grab her leg.

“No, Twilight, you gotta take me!” he said,crawling up her leg slightly. “Don’t leave me with her!”

Twilight, just looked down at her brother, a hoof tapping her chin in thought. “Well let’s see….” She looked over at her mom. “Mom? Spike just told me that he’s cold.”

The dragon could only look at his sister in betrayal before he heard a gasp, Velvet all but wrenching him off the alicorn and bringing him over to her so she could give him another bonecrushing hug.

“Is my widdle Spikey coldsie-woldsie?” she asked, ignoring Anny’s snicker as she nuzzled the dragon’s cheek, Spike desperately trying to wiggle out of the mare’s grasp.

“TWILIGHT!”

Night Light looked over at his coffee, frowning slightly. “Huh, it looks like I forgot to put cream in this…” He chuckled, looking over at the human. “Oh, you’re still here…” He tried to shoo him away. “Well, what are you waiting for, Son, an invitation? Go and stalk that mare!”

Anny looked over at Twilight, slightly put off as the two made their way to the front door. “Why does he make it sound like what we’re doing is weird?”

Twilight shrugged. “I have no idea.”

“NO, PLEASE DON’T MAKE ME PUT TOGETHER A PUZZLE WITH YOU! IT’S BORING! I’LL GET YOU FOR THIS, TWILIGHT!”

“It seems perfectly fine to me.”

%~~$~~%

To every pony, noble or commoner, Canterlot castle was the highest authority on luxury and over-the-topness in Equestria, possibly all of Equs. All of the finest things were to be expected while you were there, the finest food, the finest art, the best service, etc.

The only area where Canterlot castle lacked was in the efficiency of their guards, as Twilight helped show, as she almost single-hoofedly snuck into the castle--again-- in broad daylight while she had a six foot tall biped in tow.

“Now, Twilight,” Anny whispered as the two dodged another patrol of guards. “I understand that I was going to have to eventually come here to the castle, but do we really have to do it like this?”

“Yes,” Twilight said as she poked her head out from a corner. “We have to do it this way, just like the book said.”

Anny blinked slowly. “...Was it the same book that you told me about the last time? Cause this seems a little...crazier.”

An offended Twilight looked back at him before she barrel-rolled into the next hall, a bemused Anny simply walking with her.

“No, it’s not from ‘Dummies Guide on Asking That Special Somepony That Special Question,’ it’s from the new book I told you about while we were on the train.”

Whatever Anny was about to say was forgotten when Twilight pulled out what looked like a grapple gun from her suit and fired it upward, launching through the air and disappearing for a few seconds before she dropped twenty feet down the hallway, leaving a very confused human standing in the middle of the hallway.

“...Twilight,” he finally said, the mare innocently looking back him, hefting the weird little gun-thing in her hooves.

“Yes, Anny?”

Her expression turned confused when she saw him facepalm. “What’s wrong?”

Anny wringed his hands in frustration. “What do you mean what’s wrong? We’re running around in black latex onesies in the middle of the day, trying to do whatever you want us to do and you have a freakin’ grapple gun!”

A still confused, Twilight trotted back to her friend, patting his thigh. “So? I don’t really see the problem. I’ve done things like this before.”

Anny’s eye twitched. “So you’re telling me that you’ve broke into this castle, which you’re allowed to go into at anytime, in the middle of the day--”

“It wasn’t the middle of the day the last time I did this,” Twilight interrupted. “I went at night.”

“That’s not the point!” the human snapped. “I mean, for goodness sakes, we look ridiculous.” He pinched a bit of his suit and pulled, letting go and flinching slightly at the loud snapping sound it made, the sound echoing off the empty hallway walls.

Twilight stamped a hoof in irritation. “We’re trying to be sneaky for this mission!”

Anny got down on his knees so he could look at the little pony better. “Twilight, you’re a librarian and I’m a guy that stacks boxes for a living. We are not secret agents out on some dangerous mission. All I want to do is try to see if your teacher and I have anything in common.”

“And that’s what we’re doing!”

“No, we’re running around like a bunch of crazy people because you’ve read too many comic books.”

“No, this was what ‘Heartstring’s guide to a lonely heart’ said to do! We need you to learn the layout of the castle and we should probably get Princess Luna’s permission for you to court her sister. Then we'll spend the next few days stalking the princess.”

Anny groaned. “And we needed all of this for that? Walking into the castle like rational people isn’t good enough?”

“Hey, you’re the one that agreed to this!”

“I didn’t think we were going to wear this ninja stuff for something as silly as this! I thought we were just going to do something assassin-y today!”

“Stop yelling at me!”

“I’m not yelling at you, THIS IS YELLING!”

The two were in each other’s faces by now, neither noticing the sounds of hooves clopping off in the distance.

“Did you hear that?”

The two froze, looking at each other in panic before Twilight, ever the calm and collected one, picked up Anny with her magic and all but threw him into a janitor’s closet, hopping in after.

With a broom on her head and what felt like toilet paper stuck to at least three of her hooves, Twilight lit up the pitch black room with a simple spell, sighing in relief. “Whoo, that was a close one, somepony might have seen us, Anny,” she looked around. “Anny?”

After some looking she finally found him trying desperately to get his head out of a small plastic bucket.

Biting back a snort, Twilight trotted over to Anny, patting his back to try to calm him down. “Don’t worry, Anny, I’ll get you out of this!”

Meanwhile

“Did you hear that?” Princess Cadence asked, looking back at her husband and Princess Luna, who had elected to lead the two to their rooms so she could have a nice chat with her extended family.

The Princess of the Night perked her ears, poking her head out from the corner to look at an empty hallway. “Nay, dear Cadence, We did not hear anything.”

Shining smiled at his wife. “It’s probably just this old castle creaking.”

Luna snorted. “Nay, Captain, this castle was made out of the finest stones by the finest masons; it does not ‘creak’ as you put it.”

Cadence shook her head, a small frown on her face as she turned the corner and started to walk down the hallway. “I could have sworn I heard yelling down here…”

“There’s nopony here,” Shining commented, he and Luna following Cadence.

Luna’s features turned mischievous. “Nopony, we can see!” She said, wooing and waving her hoofs in the stallions face.

Shining snorted at his in-law. “There’s no such thing as ghosts, Princess.”

Luna scoffed. “Thou know nothing, Shining Armor. For all thou know, there is a pair of ghouls--”

Crash!

“OW!”

The three froze in their steps, three heads snapping to a janitor’s closet.

“....You heard that that time, right?” Cadence said, earning nods from the two.

“Yes.”

“Verily.”

Luna couldn’t resist a parting shot, leaning toward Shining. “Are thou sure that thee do not wish to withdraw thine claims about spectors?

Shining stiffened before he shook his head. “That wasn’t a ghost!” he said dismissively. “A janitor’s probably getting some supplies.”

“Then thee wouldn’t mind going in to check to see if this ‘pony’ is injured.”

Luna nudged the stallion toward the door.

“Go on then, brave guard.”

Shining’s chest puffed out indignantly while he made his way to the door, Luna and Cadence right behind him. He reached for the doorknob, and, looking back, turned it.

Back in the closet

Anny groaned as he looked over at Twilight, who now had a plunger on her head from her little spill before she took it off her noggin with another quiet groan, throwing it to the ground. “What the heck, Twilight!” he whispered/shouted at the little alicorn.

“I’m sorry, it was an accid-” One of the alicorn’s ears perked up. “Did you heard that?”

The two were silent for a few moments, the faint sounds of hooves clopping greeting their ears.

Twilight latched onto the human’s side in panic, whispering desperately in his ear, “Somepony heard us!”

“No, I think they’re just walking past-”

The two froze when they heard the doorknob start to turn, Anny catching Twilight’s panicked gaze.

They both knew what they had to do.

Gently putting the pony down, Anny handed the alicorn a plunger, nodding at her sadly. With a look of resigned grimness she took it, the two creeping toward the door.

Back with Shining and the gang

“Go ahead, honey,” Cadence said to her husband. “Just open the door and we’ll-”

With a mighty battle cry, Twilight swung open the door. Cadence, Shining, and Luna squeaked in surprise as Twilight stuck the plunger onto her brother’s muzzle-- Anny getting Luna and Cadence-- before they yanked them right in the dark room, the door slamming behind them.

Shining, with his guard training, was the first to recuperate. Throwing the mystery pony off him, he wrenched the plunger off of his mouth with a grimace, hefting it like a sword. “Surrender and I’ll--” he yelped when the pony levitated a broom toward their person and tried to whack him on the head. The ex-captain parried the slash and countered with a thrust, the two beginning an impromptu swordfight.

Luna, with some fast thinking, smacked her attacker with the wooden end of the plunger that was still stuck to her mouth, giving a muffled cry as she blindly charged her ‘assassin’, who grabbed a mop to defend himself.

“FOR THE PRINCESSES!”

“MHMMEP!”

“OW! STOP HITTING WITH THE HARD END!”

“HURRYUPANNYORWE’REGOINGTOGETINSOMUCHTROUBLE!”

Cadence was left there, bemused as all heck while the four did more damage to each other than to their “enemies.”

Gently taking the plunger off of her mouth with a grimace Cadance muttered, “Why are assassins attacking us with these?” She looked around and noticed that she couldn’t see her hoof in front of her face.

“Why does our magic cast such a dim light?... Now where the hay is that lightswitch?... There it is!”

Click!

Anny, Twilight, Shining, and Luna froze as the lights flicked on, the four blinking at the bright light and their eyes widening when they saw each other.

“Twily?”

“Brother, Cadence, Luna?”

Anny looked around the room. “Man is the closet huge,” he muttered before sighing in defeat. “I’m gonna get so arrested for this…”

Twilight squeaked, throwing the plunger over her shoulder and laughing awkwardly. “...Sooooo, what brings you to Canterlot, big brother?”

Luna raised an eyebrow at her fellow princess and the human before the plunger disappeared off her muzzle with a simple spell. “Twilight, Antaeus… Why did thou attack us with plungers?”

Shining’s bewilderment started to turn slightly upset. “That’s one of the questions that have been going through my head, among others…”

Cadence, who was taking this far better than anypony had a right to, trotted over to her step-sister, giving her a friendly nuzzle. “Twilight must have wanted to surprise us with a little joke!” she said, sitting on her rump with a big smile on her face. “And she got Anny to join in on her little prank.”

“Actually, we were trying to knock you out so we can look around the castle without anyone knowing.”

Twilight groaned, shooting Anny a dirty look. “Anny!”

The human threw his hands up. “What? I get nervous when I’m being threatened with incineration!”

“Who threatened you with that?! They wouldn’t incinerate us!”

Neither saw Luna’s contemplative look while their shouting match continued.

“I mean, you didn’t even try to lie!”

Anny scoffed at the little alicorn. “Like you could have thought of a half decent lie! I mean, how do you get around looking like this?”

Before Twilight could retort, Cadence, who had been watching the little bout with bemusement, picked up a two rolls of toilet paper and whacked the two with it.

Clearing her throat, the pink alicorn calmly said, “Alright… Now, how about we act like a bunch of big ponies and you and Anny tell us what you two are doing?”

Sufficiently cowed, Anny and Twilight looked at each other before the pairs shoulders slumped.

“I’m trying to see if I want to ask Princess Celestia out and Twilight’s trying to help me,” Anny finally said, getting mixed reactions from the three.

Shining and Luna looked at the human in shock, before looking at each other in confusion. Anny couldn’t have been serious, right?

Cadence, on the other hand, was on the complete opposite spectrum. Being the Princess of Love, Cadence wanted everypony to be happy and loved. Lately, she had noticed that her Aunty, who was already just so lonely, wasn’t even getting suitors trying to win her affections anymore, the suitors tired and disheartened with being rejected so often.

While this probably wasn’t a bad thing--most of her suitors were golddiggers at best and would-be thieves at worst-- Cadence feared that it was affecting Celestia negatively.

While this may seem odd, Celestia seemed like a pony that had been told that she was beautiful so many times that she had began to think those compliments were lies, and she might take her lack of suitors as proof that she was just a crown to her little ponies.

Or that was at least what Cadence thought, so it seemed like Anny trying to win her heart was the best thing that could happen at the moment.

Not that she was biased toward love or anything.

Letting out a squee of happiness, the overexcited alicorn all but tackled the human into a hug.

“Aw, that’s so sweet!” the princess of love said while she tried to squeeze the stuffing out of the human, partially succeeding as the human's eyes almost popped out of his head from the pink alicorn's super strength.

“Urk, Twilight, help!”

Twilight, not one to miss irony, looked down at the human with a smirk on her face. “Nope,” she said in the tone that the human used when she was in this exact situation, looking over at a flabbergasted Luna and Shining.

Luna was the first to recover, looking down at Anny for a second before looking at her fellow alicorn. “Twilight,” she finally said. “Was what the young human said correct?”

The princess looked sheepishly at the two. “Weeeeellllll.....Yes.”

Shining facehoofed. “And you had to dress up like that,” he waved a hoof around her for emphasis. “And attack us with plungers?”

The bookworm blushed. “We thought you guys were guards!”

“...And how does that make it any better?”

Meanwhile, a few feet from the two, Anny was trying to get out of Cadence’s death-grip.

“Oh, you two are going to be soooo sweet together! You know, Aunty Celestia is so lonely and I think she really needs a nice stallion in her life!”

“Cadence….can’t...breathe!”

“Well, don’t you worry about getting mine and Shiny’s blessings on this, Anny. Oh, I just love this part of a relationship! You trying to see if you’re compatible with her and-”

Anny, unbenounced to Cadence was starting to turn an interesting shade of blue, the human trying to weakly wiggle out of the alicorn’s iron-like grip.

Thankfully, Luna noticed that Anny was about to meet his maker.

“Niece, it appears that thou art strangling the human,” she said offhandedly, Cadence’s eyes widening as she looked down at the unconscious human.

“Omygosh!” she all but shouted letting Anny go so he could drop to the floor, the human giving his oxygen-starved lungs sustenance with a massive breath. “I’m sorry, Anny!”

Shining looked at the gasping human for a second before looking back at his little sister, an eyebrow raised. “Twilight…”

The purple alicorn looked down in shame. “I know.”

“And you--”

“Yeah, I know,” she looked up desperately. “But I neeeed to help Anny!”

Shining couldn’t help but smile at that, patting his sister on the head. “And I’m sure that he appreciates that but I think whatever you’re doing needs a little bit more work.” The two looked back over at the seemingly dead human, who Luna was gently poking with a broomstick.

“We believe he is dead,” she said calmly. “A shame; he was a fine opponent.”

The ponies circled Anny, Cadence giving him a poke before humming thoughtfully. “No, I don’t think so.....Look! you can see that his chest is rising and falling!”

The four ponies sighed in relief, Cadence picking up the human and gently placing him on her back before she turned back to the little group with a big smile on her face.

“Twilight,” she said, practically skipping. “Where are you guys staying?”

“At Mom’s house, why?”

Hopping to the door and opening it, the princess of love looked back and gave Twilight a great, big smile. “Because we need to prepare Anny!”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Prepare Anny?”

Cadence nodded. “Yeah, we have a lot of work to do if he’s gonna ask Aunty Celestia out!” She turned toward Luna. “Unless anypony has a problem with that?”

The lunar princess shrugged. “We see nothing wrong in the young human’s courtship of our sister,” she said. “If he fights for her heart as well as he fought us with these janitor tools then it will be most amusing to watch this unfold.”

With that, the three princesses left the closet, leaving a confused Shining. “So we’re just going to forget the whole ‘them attacking us’ thing?” when he didn’t receive an answer he sighed, also making his way to the door.

“Why is my family full of weirdo’s?” the young prince muttered to himself as he walked through the door to follow his wife, sister, and step-aunt, all who were chatting happily about this and that. “I mean, my mom, sure, everyponies moms are crazy, my sister, alright, but everypony in my family?”

Shining couldn’t help but look mournfully at the unconscious human. “And if this works out like Candy probably wants it to then, Anny, buddy, you’re going to be feeling my pain….”

Author's Notes:

Oh, and if anybody has any idea what else to call Twilight I'm open ears