At long last, after all that bullshit you put up with throughout the week, it's finally Saturday night, the night of your promised dinner date with Luna in Canterlot!

Everything's ready and it's almost time for you to leave. Rarity did an amazing job on your suit as expected. Lookin' good, Anon! You adjust your bowtie in the mirror one last time, step outside your home, turn off the lights and lock the door. Not that it does anything to keep Butter Squeak out, but it's one of the old habits from Earth that brings you comfort in this strange new world.

As soon as you turn from the door to gaze upon the night sky, you stop dead in your tracks, completely awestruck.

“Wow, Luna...”

She really went all out with this one. There's a meteor shower in progress (The harmless kind!) which is beautiful enough, but the flight path of the meteors runs across Ponyville and directly toward Canterlot, almost like they're beckoning you to her. The gentle light of a half-moon, not too strong, not too weak, is just enough to illuminate the cobblestone Ponyville streets without detracting from the spectacle above.

You have a feeling that no matter what happens tonight, it's gonna be a night to remember...

Clutching the train ticket in your pocket to make sure it’s still there, you check your watch: 11:05pm. The train leaves at 11:30, so you have plenty of time to reach the station, but better to be a little early than risk missing it and having to explain yourself to a perturbed Pony Princess.

You start down the road toward the station and immediately ram your balls into something. The pain almost forces you to one knee, but thankfully you manage not to make contact with the ground and scuff your suit.

“ARRRRGHHHH! What... what the hell was that?!”

You frantically look around but there's nothing there. What in the—

“S-Sorry...”

That voice. There was a time, long ago (last Thursday) when you didn't fear the darkness. But that time has passed due to fucking Fluttershy and her fucking magical horse armor!

“Fluttershy, were you abusing your invisibility to sniff my crotch again?”

The moon shines a little brighter and Yellowquiet appears before you in her Knight of the Moon getup. It almost makes her look like a badass. Almost.

“It-it smells really nice,” she says with a timid smile. “Did you switch to a new body wash?”

“Yeah, I—,” you sigh and shake your head. “Dammit, what're you even doing here? Shouldn't you be in bed by now?”

She looks you dead in the eyes. “If you want me in your bed we can go right now, mister. Right. Now.” The intensity in her voice catches you a little off guard.

“Er, nevermind. Look, I've got somewhere I need to be, so go, uh... flutter or something? Just as long as it's away from me. And for god's sake stay out of my house!”

Your tone seems to snap her out of whatever fantasy she conjured up, and she quickly wipes some drool from her muzzle with a hoof and moves next to you.

“Oh, um, I can't do that. Princess Luna gave me a special mission when she brought me this armor. As one of her Knights, I'm supposed to escort you to see her in Canterlot tonight. She even gave me a ticket and everything.”

She pulls out a golden ticket just like the one you got in the mail from Luna. Damn, tonight's late train to Canterlot was a special service requested by the Crowns, so you can't just buy tickets for it like normal. If she has one, her story's probably legit.

An hour long train ride, just you and Fluttershy in a private car... you can feel the headache starting already. But if it's what Luna wants, you'll endure it. You're fairly certain you can keep your package secure from Flutterbutter for at least that long.

“All right, fine. Lead the way, Lady Knight.”

Smiling, she lets out a happy squee and the two of you begin to make your way to the train station.

“A-Are dashing lady knights devoted to serving your every want and desire your fetish, Anon?”

“No, Fluttershy.”

“Oh, okay.”

...This is gonna be a long train ride.

At last, you can see the illuminated lamps of the train station come into view. For a specially ordered Canterlot trip for two in the dead of night, things are a lot more active on the platform than you'd expect. Station worker ponies are running around everywhere, loading supplies and connecting train cars together. You notice the train only has one passenger car attached near the front, but behind it is cargo car after cargo car filled with supplies.

You and Fluttershy stand there and watch the hustle and bustle for a few moments until a burly stallion approaches you. “If yer lookin' for a show, I'd suggest the Clop Barn on Stirrup Street,” he says gruffly. “Now scram.”

You fish your train ticket out of your pocket and show it to the stallion and Fluttershy does the same. As soon as he sees them, his expression changes immediately. “Ah, we were waitin' for yas. Head on over there and the staff'll let ya on. Thanks fer choosin' Friendship Railways.” The two of you make your way up the platform and another attendant directs you to the boarding area. You step inside the train car and...

“N-No...” you mutter, your feet frozen in place.

“Fluttershy, you finally made it! And you brought Non-non too!”

“Well, well! Howdy there, partner~”

“Ha! Hey Anon, nice dorky looking suit!”

“Anonymous, darling... you're heading to Canterlot at midnight wearing that? Whatever could you be up to, I wonder...? And Rainbow Dash, that suit is not ‘dorky’, it's debonair!”

“Anon?! But that means... oh, I just know this'll be some kind of test now! D-Deep breaths, Twilight, deep breaths...”

The train door closes shut behind you and the engine wails. No escape.

You're frozen, consumed by equal parts shock and fear. A private train ride with the Elements of Rape-mony, and you're completely unprepared. To top it off, you know Luna's in Canterlot now so the odds of her swooping in to save you from this are practically zero.

Your fight or flight instincts are going absolutely haywire. Adrenaline levels surging. But whatever happens, you can't show fear. If they sense any weakness they'll suffocate you under a multicolored sea of horse ass. You need to just play it cool and see if you can figure out what's going on here, so as calmly as you can, you walk over and take a seat in one of the passenger booths.

“Fluttershy's one thing, but did Luna really invite you five along as well? This is one hell of an escort...”

Your question is met with confused stares. Twilight responds, “Um, no Anon, I received a letter from Princess Celestia yesterday ordering the Elements to Canterlot. We were told to board the train near midnight tonight. I was curious when only five tickets were provided, but the letter explained that Fluttershy would arrive with her own. It was all very non-specific so I'm not completely sure what's going on, and she made no mention of you...” She brings a hoof to her chin and continues to ponder.

“Well, ah ain't gonna look a gift horse in the mouth, as the sayin' goes...” Apple Pone hops up onto the same bench you're sitting on and snuggles into your right side. “Ah'll jus' be enjoyin' the ride over here, y'all can do whatever ya want.”

Fluttershy immediately responds by flying over you and landing on the bench, mirroring Applejack's actions on your left side. “I... I need to be close to Anon. Princess Luna told me to watch over him during the trip. I'll just be right here, if that's okay with you.” The two flash a challenging stare at one another from either side of you.

Okay, you're sandwiched between two rapist ponies. Your personal space is getting dangerously close to being violated (along with other parts of you), but you might be okay if it remains at this level. It's time to be an optimist, Anon. Maybe we'll all enjoy a nice quiet train ride playing cards or something!

“The Princess, huh?” Applejack says. “Ah dunno what that's about, but if he needs protectin', ah'm happy ta oblige.” She snuggles closer.

Fluttershy actually gets a little huffy. “Hmph. I don't see you wearing any official royal armor. Maybe you should just leave this to the professionals, Applejack.”

“Is that so? D'ya even know the first thing about guardin' a VIP? Ah bet ya haven't even licked 'em to check if he's secretly been poisoned yet!” You feel a light kiss on the right side of your neck, followed by a pony tongue trailing upward.

“S-Shows what you know! T-T-That's not where you lick to check for poisoning...” She starts to move a hoof toward the fly of your pants...

You conclude that optimists are fucking retarded. It only took a minute for things to get out of hand around these two. As you start to ponder escape options, a cyan pony suddenly landing in your lap completely breaks your train of thought.

“All right, that's enough! If you two are gonna be like that, I'll just sit right here!” She twists herself around to meet your eyes. “You, uh, you okay, Anon?”

“Yeah, thanks...” you reply, flashing her a grateful smile.

Then the train hits a bump in the tracks, the force of which drives Rainbow's ass into your crotch. She lets out a moan and her wings rocket out and with a *pomf* smack AJ and Flutters in the face. Her own face flushes with embarrassment as she folds them back to reveal annoyed stares from the other two ponies.

Yeah, this situation actually got worse somehow.

The cowpony gives Dash an icy glare. “So yer finally throwin' yer hat in the ring, huh Rainbow? Or are ya just gonna keep on pretendin'?”

“W-What? I'm just trying to protect him from you!” You feel Rainbow's body tense up and tremble a little.

She chuckles. “Yer talkin' ta the Element of Honesty here. Don't give me none'a that malarkey. If ya ain't gonna say anythin', then get outta the way cause ah am!”

While the two argue, you notice Pinkie's taken a seat on the bench on the other side of the booth's table opposite Fluttershy, and Rarity's done the same opposite Applejack, while Twilight continues to pace around the car in thought.

Pinkie leans over the table to get your attention. “So Non-non, I can't help but notice you came here with Fluttershy. Are you two on a hot date right now?” She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively.

Rarity interjects, “Don't be ridiculous. Armor is hardly the appropriate attire for a date. Anonymous, you mentioned something about Princess Luna earlier, and so did Fluttershy. Might it have something to do with her? Come now, you can share your secret with Lady Rarity~” She duckfaces and flutters her eyelashes.

There can't be any harm in it at this point, so why not? Anything to get her to stop doing that stupid face! You lean around the still-arguing Cyan Pone in your lap to speak.

“Luna asked me to dinner tonight. Surprisingly she sent Fluttershy to escort me to her in Canterlot, and even more surprisingly the rest of you guys were here. That's all I can tell you because that's all I know.”

Immediately all talking ceases, save for Twilight's mumbling as she continues to pace around.

“Yer... goin' on a date with Luna?” Applejack lets out a cross between a laugh and a sob before putting on the best smile she can muster. “Well ah... ah hope ya have fun! She's right pretty, and ah'm sure the chefs at the castle'll make ya the best meal you could ever ask fer...”

Rainbow says nothing, but you can feel her body sag with dejection against you. She turns away and looks at the wall.

Even Fluttershy looks depressed. You don't know why, but you feel like a complete asshole now. These ponies were set to draw you into a miniature horse rape bonanza just a few moments ago, but you can't stand to break their hearts...

You see Rarity catch Applejack's attention and mouth something to her. AJ nods and turns to you. “Anon, ah...”

“Fluttershy has something to say!” Pinkie yells, her sudden outburst cutting Applejack off and drawing an angry stare from both AJ and Rarity.

Fluttershy looks around and starts to tremble. “P-Pinkie, no, I can't, it's too embarrassing!”

The pink pony only grins back at her. “Come on, just like we practiced! I guarantee it'll make him smile!”

All eyes are on Yellowquiet now. She gulps, steels her resolve as best she can, and looks you directly in the eyes. “Um... I-I can't help but notice... we're on the Midnight Train... together....”

...What? What's she...

And then, from out of nowhere, you hear that famous piano intro start playing, Pinkie gives Fluttershy a microphone, and to everyone’s amazement, the timid little butterball actually starts to sing!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1skdCtp3xU <-- Feel free to sing along!

♫ Just a man, so lost and hurt
Brought here from another world
He took the midnight train going anywhere~ ♫

Twilight trots up to the rest of you, a curious look on her face. “Fluttershy, this train is going to Canterlot, you know th—”
Rarity quickly smacks her with her tail. “Shush, Twilight! This is getting good~!”

♫ Just a mare with a need to fill
Fell from the clouds to Ponyville
She took the midnight train going anywhere~ ♫

You hear the guitar part start to come in and notice Pinkie's now on the other side of the train cabin with a Les Paul and amp. How the fuck is she even playing that with hooves?!

♫ She saw him through the forest's gloom
And knew that she would have him soon
Through his fetish she'll win his heart
It goes on and on and on and on!

Ponies! Prancing!
Down the road outside his house
In shadow, stalking through the night
Frisky! Fillies!
Searching for a special human
Clopping, somewhere in the night~! ♫

And now Applejack and Rainbow Dash have their hooves around Fluttershy's withers singing backup vocals. Your mind has been destroyed.

♫ Working hard on her traps and plans
Just for a touch from his hunky hands
Doin' anything for monkey dick
Just one more time
And she may win, she may lose
But tomorrow it all starts anew
Oh the ride, it never ends
It goes on and on and on and on!

Ponies! Prancing!
Down the road outside his house
In shadow, stalking through the night
Frisky! Fillies!
Searching for a special human
Clopping, somewhere in the night~! ♫

Pinkie starts the guitar solo and a huge smile crosses your face. Your sides have detached and left this world long ago. Sounds like Flutterbutter's been listening to your magically powered MP3 player when she breaks into your house.

You even find yourself joining in for the final part:

♫ Don't stop believin'
Hold on to the feelin'
Frisky! Fillies~! ♫

The song ends and the train cabin explodes with laughter. The depressed mood from before is completely gone. Rainbow, Fluttershy and Applejack are in a pile laughing their flanks off together. Rarity and Twilight are off to one side, Rarity seriously sounding like she's about to die laughing, and Twilight doing her best to contain herself.

Pinkie sets her guitar down, grins and winks at you. Say what you want about her, but that mare knows how to turn a goddamn frown upside down.

Once the laughter dies down, Rainbow, Flutters and AJ all approach you.

“Ah take back what ah said, Anon. Ah still want ya ta enjoy yer date, but no way, no how do those castle chefs hold a candle ta the Apples.” She pokes a hoof at your stomach. “Ah know how ta win over a stallion, an' ah ain't ready ta throw in the towel yet, sugarcube. You'd better be ready.”

Fluttershy just looks at you, nods, and smiles. At this point in your relationship, certain things don't even need to be said. Your brain actually rebels for a second and tells you she looks cute!

Rainbow bashfully glances around. “Um... I kinda... I kinda like you too, Anon. Like, like-like you. I don't know anything about this mushy crap so I have no idea what I'm doing but... I guess I just wanted to let you know.”

AJ hoofs her in the side. “What she means ta say is she's gonna win ya over by being awesome, right?”

This prompts an uncharacteristically cute laugh from the cyan pegasus. “You know it!”

Before you can even open your mouth to respond, Pinkie pops up between you with a deck of cards in her hoof. “All right! Now that that's over, who wants to play go fish~?!”

The others start to gather around and, believe it or not, from that point forward you enjoy a nice train ride playing cards together.

The train pulls into the Canterlot station at around half past midnight and the seven of you head directly to the castle. The guards, long since familiar with the Elements and strange 'human', all wave you past without any trouble until you reach the door to the throne room.

The lone guard there perks up when he sees your group approach. “Ah, the Elements and Anonymous the Human. Her Majesties have instructed me to send you to the private wing of the castle upon your arrival. Ms Sparkle, I trust you know the way?”

“Yes, sir.” Twilight replies, and the rest of you follow her lead deeper into the castle.

The long trip gives you time to think. This night hasn't been anywhere near what you thought it would be so far, but with Luna you kind of have to expect the unexpected. She's sneaky, a bit whimsical, fun-loving, and variably aloof and affectionate. Thinking back, even her behavior regarding the Elements has been... playfully odd. She gave Fluttershy that magical armor despite knowing she'd use it to stalk you, and she forced you to kiss Rainbow during that game, feeding the flames of the crush she has on you that in retrospect Luna was definitely aware of...

Now, with all this, you can't help but wonder: just what is she planning here? One thing's for certain– this isn't gonna be a normal date.

The guards of the castle's private wing open the large double doors, then close them behind you after you've entered. You find yourself in a large antechamber with a spiral staircase leading upward and doors to various rooms all around you. There are no guards in sight, and Twilight doesn't seem sure where to go next.

“Well, now what?” you ask, breaking the silence.

“Now we shall ascend to the study to speak with Sister, fair Anonymous,” a voice whispers directly into your ear.

You nearly have a goddamn heart attack as Luna steps out of the shadows right beside you, her starry mane and tail billowing in an unseen breeze. The ponies around you all gasp and bow.

“L-Luna!” you stammer, clutching your heart. “You scared the crap out of me!”

She smiles. “Huzzah, then our ploy was a success! Forgive us, t'was merely a little revenge for our defeat at your... hands, during the Trial of Twos.” She steps forward to nuzzle you but suddenly finds herself blocked by Rainbow, Applejack and even Fluttershy, who've all instinctively risen and moved between the two of you. Their eyes all lock with Luna's for a moment before they realize what they're doing and return to bowing.

Luna turns to you with the biggest, most mischievous smile you've ever seen. “Well, well. We trust your trip to Canterlot was enjoyable?”

You start to sweat. “Yeah, we played cards and, uh, sang a song. It was great.”

The Princess giggles. “Indeed? We shall like to hear all about it later. Now then, come everypony, let us not keep Sister waiting.”

Luna bypasses the stairs and flies directly to the top of the tower. Rainbow almost does the same, but decides to hover with you instead as you all start your ascent. When you reach the top, you see the two Alicorn Princesses standing in what looks to be a private library. Shelves populated with books of all kinds line the large room. A stone fireplace blazes on the far wall, with magical lamps evening out the room's lighting. In the center of the room sits a pedestal with a single book atop it, and you make a mental note to avoid slipping on any juices Twilight might be leaking at the sight.

The pure white Alicorn on the other side of the room smiles when she notices all of you. “Ah, Twilight Sparkle and her dear friends. Thank you for coming all this way at such a late hour. Though Anonymous, I believe you are slightly overdressed for this meeting.”

The gathered ponies share a laugh amongst themselves while you just roll your eyes and Luna mouths 'forgive us' to you behind her sister's back.

Twilight steps forward. “Princess, what's this all about? I'm sorry, but your letter was kind of... vague.”

“And for that I apologize, my faithful student. I have called all of you here because Equestria has need of the Elements of Harmony once again. Recently, an ancient artifact of great destructive power was uncovered and activated, endangering the very world itself.”

Celestia levitates the book from the pedestal in front of the assembled ponies. Hey, wait, isn't that...?

“T-The Forbidden Tome!” Twilight squeaks. “B-B-But I thought I put it back in its hiding place in the library! Princess, I'm so, so sorry for what happened when I found it, I never—”

Celestia holds up a hoof. “It's all right, Twilight. When I received your friendship report regarding the meteor incident, I knew exactly what book you were referencing and asked Luna to retrieve it without your knowledge as soon as we returned from our visit to the Crystal Empire. This 'Forbidden Tome', as you so call it, is actually the Grimoire of Nightmare Moon, a compendium of all the dark spells and rituals she crafted during her rebellion against Equestria.”

The ponies all look stunned, though you're completely lost since you don't know shit about magic.

Applejack blinks. “Wait just a doggone minute. So, yer tellin' us that a dangerous thing like that was just sittin' around in the Ponyville library?! What in tarnation was it doin' there in the first place?”

Luna steps next to Celestia with an exasperated look on her face. “Unfortunately, when it comes to securing dangerous magical artifacts, Sister's decision making is... lacking.”

“You're never going to let me live the whole 'Discord-statue-placed-in-the-royal-gardens-and-accessible-to-the-general-public' thing down, are you Lulu?”

Luna smiles. “Nay!”

The Princess of the Sun turns and huffs. “In my defense, I placed the Grimoire in a hidden compartment in the library of a backwater farming village behind the section containing books on ancient Equestrian tax policy. I thought it was a foolproof plan!”

Luna sighs and facehoofs. “And then you staffed said library with the biggest 'turbo-nerd' of the current era. Your own machinations were your downfall, Sister.”

Oh god. Trynottolaugh, trynottolaugh...

“Pffft Hahahaha!”

Yeah, you and Rainbow both lost. Twilight conjures up a rolled up newspaper and smacks both of you in the back of the head.

“Regardless,” Celestia continues, “The true threat of the Grimoire is not the spells it contains, dangerous as they are, but its very nature. This is not just a book, My Little Ponies, it is a magical spell given form.”

Purple Pone chimes in: “You mean like a spell scroll, Princess?”

“Yes, it is similar, but much more powerful. As you know, the spells stored in scrolls and gems consume them when activated. However, the Grimoire remains no matter how many times its 'spell' is cast. All it needs to be activated is a sufficient source of unicorn magic...”

“...W-Which I may have provided during my testing with the book...” Twilight's starting to look a bit pale.

Celestia nods. “That's right. Based on your report, the Grimoire's spell was cast three, possibly four times due to your magical input.”

Rarity looks around nervously. “What does the spell do, Princess?”

Instead of answering, Celestia turns to Luna who begins to explain. “To understand the spell, you must understand what Nightmare Moon truly was. Every creature in our world is gifted with an ember of magic, integral to their very being, which continuously flows through the astral body and mind granting power and resolve, just as blood does for the physical body. Nightmare Moon was our 'ember' of magic transformed into a bonfire; a manifestation of our power in its most perfect form. When this happens, the overwhelming power clouds the mind and the true self is lost to dreams and confusion.”

Pinkie jumps up. “Oh, oh, I get it! It makes you super powerful, but also crazy, right?”

Luna looks annoyed. “Yes, Laughter, if you must put it that way... The Grimoire's spell ignites the magical ember within a creature, causing it to undergo this transformation over time. It is extremely dangerous.”

“So... you're saying there could be up to four Nightmare Moons running around out there?!” you exclaim.

Celestia nods. “That is correct, but keep in mind that for an average creature, full manifestation will take several weeks, so they shouldn't appear anytime soon. Our greatest problem is that we don't know which ponies were affected, though the spell likely could not travel beyond the borders of Ponyville. We need the Elements because they are one of the only ways to break this spell on a creature without ending its life.”

She levitates a box forward which opens to reveal the Elements of Harmony necklaces and tiara, and the six ponies quickly retrieve their respective Element.

Celestia smiles. “Very good. Now, I must warn you that—”

“Wh-whoa! I'm twitching all over!!”

Everyone in the room turns to Pinkie, who looks like she's having an epileptic seizure or something. Oh fuck, if she's one of the ones who got zapped with that spell you're probably all doomed...

She flops around a bit more. “T-This is a new one, but I can tell it's gonna be a doozy, guys!”

Fluttershy's ears suddenly perk up. “Um... did anypony hear that?” she asks as she glances around the room.

“I said, 'I brought you a letter~'“ an oddly sinister-sounding voice replies.

Everyone turns toward this new sound and there, standing at the top of the staircase is...

“Derpy?!”

“That's my name, don't wear it out!” she chirps.

Celestia calmly trots over to the unexpected arrival, a motherly smile on her muzzle. “How did you get past the guards, dear?”

Derpy smiles back. “Oh, I gave them a special delivery... of pain. Oh!” She flutters around in excitement. “The Sun and the Moon and the Elements are here! It's like all my greatest obstacles to world domination have been giftwrapped and mailed to me first class. Hooray!”

Rainbow lands next to the gray mailmare. “Uh, Derpy, are you okay? You're acting, well, weirder than usual.”

She nods. “Oh, I sure am, Rainbow Dash. Better than okay actually. I can see time now!”

Rainbow chuckles. “Sure, Derpy, su— hey, what the?!”

Before anyone can react, or even figure out what happened, Derpy's somehow wearing Rainbow’s Element of Loyalty necklace. She takes flight again, admiring her new jewelry.

“No using the Elements on me, Rainbow Dash. Nope-nope! Nooooot gonna happen. Not before this world burns to ashes, anyway.”

“It appears we have our first Nightmare manifestation...” Luna says with a frown.

Celestia turns to her sister and gapes. “Already?! It shouldn't be possible, unless that pony possessed an inordinate amount of magical power to begin with...”

“Princess, what do we do?” Twilight asks, her voice fraught with worry. “We can't use the Elements without Rainbow...”

Celestia steps forward. “Not to worry, Twilight. Once I restrain her, simply retrieve the Loyalty necklace and use the Elements and this problem will be dealt with.”

The white alicorn's horn begins to glow, but before anyone can blink Derpy's suddenly standing on Celestia’s back.

“No alicorns! Alicorns are OP! Nighty-night!” A gray hoof klonks Celestia on the back of the head and she's down for the count.

Holy shit, what?!

“P-Princess!” the little ponies cry out in shock, completely at a loss as to what they just witnessed.

Derpy grins menacingly at Luna. “You're next, Loony-Moony!”

“Everypony, listen very carefully,” Luna calmly commands as she takes a cautious step backwards. “We need time to determine what sort of magic she's using and to devise a counter. You must stall her until we return! Kindness, protect Anonymous as you were ordered, do you understand?”

Fluttershy trembles like a leaf. “B-B-But...”

The Princess of the Night softly smiles at the frightened little pegasus. “We have absolute faith in you. Please, have faith in us in return.” And with that, she vanishes in a flash of teleportation magic along with Celestia's unconscious body.

Okay. Looks like it's just you and the EoH versus Derp Horse, who was somehow able to take down Celestia in one hit. How... how hard could it be, right?

Twilight scowls at Derpy, fire burning in her eyes. “Okay girls, formation epsilon-niner-hotel!”

Everyone else responds with a collective “What?”

“Oh come on!” she whines. “Did you not review the newsletter I sent to each of you regarding tactics for fighting world-threatening foes? For Celestia's sake what do you ponies do in your spare time?!”

The other five Elements assume various guilty-looking expressions. Oh boy.

Twilight smacks her forehead with a hoof. “N-Nevermind. Just get her!”

With that, Fluttershy skitters to your side while Rainbow, Twilight and Applejack form up to face Derpy. Rarity positions herself for ranged support and Pinkie sits on the sidelines stuffing popcorn into her mouth. Yeah, this is probably gonna be good. You wonder if Pinkie will share any of her popcorn with you...

Rainbow kicks things off by launching into the air and zooming behind Derpy while Applejack charges from the front and Twilight channels a spell. Wow, did they practice this beforehand?

The derp-eyed pegasus rears back in surprise. “Whoa! You guys are serious, huh? Time to serenely skedaddle~” She takes to the air to avoid Applejack, but has to immediately return to the ground again or risk a tackle from the airborne Rainbow Dash. It all happens so quickly that she has no time to dodge the spell Twilight's fired. It looks like it's going to be a direct hit!

And then suddenly Rainbow's in the line of fire. The spell connects and traps her in the same type of bubble shield Twilight used during Luna's game, and she doesn't look happy.

“Dammit, Twilight, what the buck're you doing?!”

“I-I don't get it!” the unicorn cries. “You were nowhere near the path of my spell! What the hay is going on here...?”

“I dunno, you tell me, smarty-pants!” Twilight freezes in fear when she hears Derpy's voice directly beside her. When did she get over there?! “Oh wait, you can't cause you're going nighty-night now.” With a *klonk*, Twilight is KO'd.

Aw shit, this isn't looking good.

“Whew~! Magic sure is dangerous, huh?” Derpy says with a giggle. “Whoa, this looks like fun!” The blonde pegasus runs up to the trapped-in-a-sphere Rainbow Dash and starts rolling her around. Man, you don't think you've ever seen Dash look so pissed.

Pinkie laughs at the sight. “I know, that's what I said!” She tosses her popcorn away and merrily hops over toward Derpy, but you could swear her mane's starting to deflate... “But you shouldn't pick on my friends like that, or else I'll have to punish you...”

Derpy gasps. “Whoa, scary! Hey Pinkie, wanna hear a joke?”

The Party Pony's mane immediately reinflates. “Oh, a joke?! Tell me tell me tell me!”

“Knock knock?”

“Who's there?”

*KLONK* And Pinkie's down. For fuck's sake... you turn to Fluttershy who's cowering behind your legs.

“I... I think we need to do something, Flutters. She's kinda wiping the floor with us.”

You just get a whimper in response. Not good.

Applejack snorts, her teeth grinding in anger. “Ah've had just about enough'a this. Back me up, Rares.”

“I quite agree,” Rarity says as she pats her mane to make sure it’s still pristine. “This uncouth behavior cannot be allowed to continue.” Her horn shines and various books and other loose objects around the room begin to levitate and form a whirlwind of random stuff. Though this doesn't do anything to hurt Derpy, it does obscure Applejack's bullet-like approach, which the loopy pegasus only barely manages to dodge by taking to the air at the last possible second.

“Ah gotcha, ya varmint! That's exactly what ah wanted ya ta do!” Applejack, her lasso already primed, perfectly tosses it like you'd expect a rodeo champion would. At this range and angle it's impossible for her to miss...

...and then the rope wraps around Rarity's legs and pulls her to the floor, and an impact with the stone of Celestia's study has the poor unicorn seeing stars.

What. The. Fuck?!

“Rarity?! What in tarnation is happenin' here? Ya were damn near on the other side of the room!”

Derpy nods her head sagely. “Yes, yes, truly a vexing phenomenon, wouldn't you say, madame Applejack? Also, klonk.”

And there goes AJ. Man, you guys are fucked now. Nightmare Derpy turns her eye(s) toward you and Fluttershy, her last remaining obstacles.

“Well, I guess this is how the muffin crumbles, or whatever that saying is. I don't really do much reading. But don't worry! When the new world rises from the ashes of the old, there'll be a place for you, Anon. You were always nice to me...”

Okay, think Anon. How can you and Fluttershy beat her? It's almost like she's instantly teleporting herself and other objects around or something, but that doesn't make sense with what little you know about teleportation magic...

Anonymous, Kindness, can you hear us? Do not speak aloud, think your answer and we will hear.

Ah, voices in your head now! This just keeps getting better and better... might as well humor them.

Luna, is that you?

You notice Fluttershy's fear subside and her ears twitch a few times. She must be hearing it too!

Indeed. We have discerned the nature of this Nightmare's magic. She has the ability to stop time for several seconds when her two eyes align properly. It is a level of Time Magic we have never experienced before, but we know it can be overcome. Anonymous, Kindness, if you can prevent her eyes from aligning for but a few moments we will do the rest...

Stopping time...? Of course! It would seem like she's teleporting, and if time was stopped she could move other ponies into the path of attacks aimed at her. Talk about a fucking cheap ability...

You place a hand on Fluttershy's head and scratch behind her ears a bit. You're no fighter, but you think you have a strategy that'll work here.

“You ready for this, Flutters?”

She smiles. “I'm scared, but if you're here with me, I think so. Um, also, that f-feels really good and... pleasedon'teverstop...”

Yep, that's your Fluttershy all right.

You blink and Derpy has instantly closed the distance between you, causing you to stumble backwards in surprise.

“W-Wait, Derpy!” you plead. “Before you klonk me, how about a hug for old time's sake?”

She derpily ponders, her eyes rolling around a bit. “Hmmmm... okay! You always give the best hugs, Anon!”

The two of you embrace in a gentle hug. Hopefully this is gonna work...

3...
2...
1...

“YOU TRY TO TAKE MY MAN, I RUIN YOUR PLAN!!”

Fluttershy is seething with rage. Before Derpy knows what's going on, Yellowquiet's bucked her so hard even Applejack would be left speechless. Derpy flies across the room and crashes into a bookshelf, sending a mountain of books on top of her head.

“Wh-whoa... did anypony get the number of that carriage...?” says the dazed pegasus, her eyes swirling around like two roulette wheels in Vegas. A blue-coated alicorn steps out of the shadows beside her, and Derpy attempts to focus her vision to no avail.

“U-Uh... oh...”

Luna's horn shines and a series of arcane bindings instantly appear around Derpy's body, restraining her hooves, wings, and most importantly covering her eyes. Finally, the alicorn's hoof reaches forward and removes the Element of Loyalty necklace from the now completely restrained pony.

“I just don't know what went wrong!” Derpy whimpers.

Luna trots over to you and Fluttershy, all smiles. “This spell should restrain her power until we can assemble the Elements to purge the Nightmare manifestation from her body. Well done, Anonymous and Kindness! We knew our faith in you was well placed.”

“Don't thank me, it was all her!” You playfully nudge Fluttershy and, just for the heck of it, you give those yellow ears another scratch, prompting her to squee. You know you probably shouldn't be encouraging her, but given the circumstances she deserves a bit of a reward.

A while later, the Elements and Celestia are revived and they successfully rainbow blast Derpy to purge her of her Nightmare powers, leaving her dazed, confused, but no worse for wear. One down, two or three to go, you guess… but yeah, you’d rather not think about it right now.

Once everything's been taken care of and the mess from the fight has been cleaned up, you start to notice that all the little ponies are yawning and sluggish, and Celestia suggests putting everyone in the guest quarters for the night so you can get some rest and return to Ponyville in the morning. You all readily agree.

After exploring the extremely expensive looking royal guest room for a few minutes, you neatly remove your fancy suit (wouldn't want to mess it up any more or risk Rarity's wrath...) and collapse on the extremely expensive looking but very comfy royal guest bed.

“Man, what a night...”

You hear a giggle beside you. “Yes, we quite agree. Most unexpected.”

You instantly bolt up in surprise. There, sitting next to you, is the Princess of the Night, minus her royal regalia. You let out a sigh of relief and flop back on your pillow, utterly exhausted.

“If you keep doing that you're gonna start shaving years off my life.”

She doesn’t reply, and after a bit of time you turn your head to meet hers. Luna’s beautiful cyan eyes waste no time in capturing you, and you hold each other's gaze for several moments.

You chuckle. “I... never thought I'd be saying this to a pretty girl, but...”

She smiles. “You are tired, we know. It was quite an eventful evening. Rest, Anonymous, it is well deserved. We shall only be a little bit selfish and use you in place of the royal stuffed animals.”

Her hooves reach forward and wrap you in her embrace. You sigh and hug back.

“Something troubles you?” she asks.

“We... never got to have our date.”

“Ah, we see. Do not worry. Things such as this have a way of working out.”

Yeah, maybe so. There’s always tomorrow, right?

You close your eyes and drift off to sleep.

You're standing on the edge of a cliff overlooking an endless field of lilies. The moon shines brighter, yet gentler than the noonday sun, illuminating the world with its soft warmth. You straighten the bowtie of your perfectly restored fancy suit as Princess Luna trots up to your side.

“Shall we begin the date, fair Anonymous?”

“Interesting choice for a location. I like it!” you say, taking in the whole of the amazing scenery.

She giggles. “Did you really wish to have a boring dinner in that stuffy old castle? Come, if you catch us, you shall receive a reward!”

She spreads her wings and leaps from the cliff. After a bit of trepidation, you leap as well, and the two of you are flying across the moonlit field, dancing in the sky.

You were right, this was a night to remember, and who knows what tomorrow will bring? There’s certainly a lot to consider in light of what happened.

But to be honest, at this moment, as you soar past one another under the moonlight… tomorrow is the furthest thing from your mind.