Revelation and Stupidity

“This is a joke, please for your own sakes tell me this is a joke.” Luna said as she looked at the scattered nobles who stood before her throne behind Blueblood.

“No Princess I’m happy to inform you that you are being evicted from the throne of the land by way of a populace uprising!” Blueblood said standing in front of her grinning like a moron.

“And just who makes up the members of this populace uprising?” Luna asked more curios than anything else.

“It is made up myself and my eight friends here, once you are disposed of we shall take power and rule the land of Equestria and lead it to a time of beauty and honor!” Blueblood responded, Luna sighed and turned to Arrow and Saber, they rolled their eyes.

“Did it accrue to you that I’m a god?” She asked him letting the question sink in, apparently it didn’t sink very far.

“Then we just won’t pray to you, and then you won’t have any power.” Blueblood told her smiling at his own intelligence.

“I expected this of you Blueblood but what’s gotten into the rest of you; surely you know this can’t end well?” She asked the other assembled nobles.

“Actually we’re here to see him fail magnificently my lady” said one of them Luna could see that he was barely holding in his laughter as Blueblood turned to look at him with shock in his eyes.

“But you said…” without needing to be asked Arrow and Saber had him with his face on the floor with a sword at his neck, it was Saber’s of course.

“Prince Blueblood I Princess Luna Raiser of the Moon sister to Princess Celestia Raiser of the Sun do herby wipe away the stain that you have been on the Royal Family. From this day forward you shall no longer be a member of the Royal Family, you shall be thrown onto the streets naked and bitless. If you refuse or struggle Saber there will decapitate you before you could think of something intelligent to do, not that I expect anything intelligent to come from your head of course.” Blueblood whined piteously but Luna was unmoved. “This was an attempt at treason, and the only reason that I haven’t had you killed is because it’s a waste of a bullet. As for the rest of you I appreciate comedy as much as the rest of you, but please try and keep it from getting to this point, dealing with idiots is very vexing.” She said turning to the other nobles who nodded and smiled on their way out. Arrow rejoined her both were confident that Saber could take care of Blueblood.

“You would think that he would have known better.” Arrow said absently filing with his sword.

“I can’t believe that he really tried it, oh well life goes on.” Luna replied turning to look out one of the large main windows. “Although I wish my sister would let us take the field, I think the enemy would surrender at the sight of us.”

“But where would the fun be in that?” Arrow asked rhetorically, Luna rolled her eyes.

***

Celestia was growing angry, they had killed several thousand griffins at this point and they kept on coming, the Illusive Man seemed to be able to conjure them out of thin air. Even with her troops as well trained as they had become she was suffering casualties, casualties that she couldn’t afford. Ash sat in a chair against a wall with Legion on her right going over various information about the enemies’ troop movements, which were becoming more and more predictable as they just threw their forces against Celestia’s base. General Lyra was talking to Arsenal about something most probably inane but Celestia allowed it; ponies had to have some stress release after all. Rarity was sitting at a table fiddling with yet another invention, Celestia wasn’t sure where the unicorn’s ideas were coming from but as long as they worked she didn’t really care.

“Celestia I have to ask you something.” Ash said looking up from her conversation with Legion.

“What is it Miss Williams?” Celestia asked looking up from her map.

“Why is there no alcohol anywhere in Equestria, I’m not really the heavy drinking type but I could really use a drink right about now?” Celestia sighed; she supposed it wasn’t fair to keep all of it to herself. Using her magic she grabbed a couple bottles of beer out of one of her hamerspace pockets and floated them to Ash.

“I keep it all in a rather small pocket dimension; it keeps the citizens from devolving into alcoholics, but every now and then I to need a drink.” Celestia said uncapping her own bottle and drinking half of it in one swallow.

“Princess you just won the royal popularity contest!” Ash said as she took a swig of her own, Arsenal came over and grabbed one out her hoof.

“It’s been to long since I had a drink myself.” He said.

“Celestia Princess I suggest not consuming too much, we are currently at war, on the battle line in fact.” Legion suggested tacitly, Celestia nodded and stopped after her first bottle.

“You’re right Legion; a slight buzz will have to do until this conflict is over.” Celestia told him.

***

“That’s great AJ now relax your shoulder and control your breathing.” James told AJ as he walked behind her. The target at the far end of the field was riddled with bullet holes, but the center had so far remained elusive.

“I’m tryin but this just don’t seem to be workin.” She said in annoyance as another spray of shells pounded into the target, all of which missed the center.

“Hmm…maybe I’ve been going about this the wrong way…” James mused to himself “…How about this AJ, pretend that the gun is an extension of your back legs, and the bullets are your feet…”

“And how does that help me?” AJ asked irritably.

“Because I want you to think of shooting like you think of applebucking, it’s a natural movement that you can use to your advantage, try and get in that frame of mind then fire.” James told her, AJ sighed but concentrated on what James had said. To her surprise her next five shots were all directly centered in the middle of the target.

“Did ya see that?!” AJ yelled jumping into the air in excitement; James reached out and caught her before she slammed her head into the ground, AJ blushed and moved out of his arms. “Sorry bout that ah got carried away.” She said rubbing the back of her head and blushing.

“I don’t mind AJ, now let’s get back to shooting, I want you to be able to duplicate that nine out of ten times.” James told her smiling.

***

“Girls ever since this here war started we haven’t been doing much crusading.” Apple Bloom said to the two other Crusaders.

“Well what do you expect; we’ve been stuck in the school since it started?” Scootaloo asked her friend “Miss Cheerilee won’t let us leave.” She continued and gestured to Cheerilee who was currently sitting in one of the corners of the room a rifle in her hooves.

“I just can’t believe that the school had enough food here to feed us all for a month.” Sweetie Belle said.

***

Twilight was attending the Dragon King Parthensus in his room, the room itself was a work of magical art so precise that Twilight didn’t think that she’d ever be able to replicate it. The ceiling was made of molten lava that flowed in increasingly advanced patterns and yet somehow the sky was still clearly visible from underneath. The floor was decorated tastefully with spirals of gems and diamonds that glittered and reflected the light of the lava.

“How did you do this?” Twilight asked in amazement when she entered the room, the Dragon made a noncommittal hand gesture.

“Magic, and a great amount of time and knowledge.” He replied

“If you don’t mind me asking, why exactly did you summon me to talk to you?” Twilight asked the Dragon.

“Two reasons really, one I’ve heard that you’ve been raising my son…” Twilight gasped in amazement “…And I’ve heard that you’re doing a very good job so I wanted to congratulate you on that. Second I would very much like to see the book.”

“How did you know about the book?” Twilight asked Parthensus warily.

“Here’s the letter detailing its existence from your Princess.” Parthensus said reaching out into his hamerspace pocket and dropping a letter at Twilight’s hooves. She picked it up with her magic.

Dear Parthensus my student Twilight Sparkle is on her way to beg for your assistance in our war against a dimension hopping bastard please listen to her, oh and she has a book that I think you’ll be interested in.

it was Celestia’s writing alright, although Twilight wondered what a bastard was. She took the book out of her own hamerspace pocket and floated it up to the dragon, to her surprise the book got bigger so that the Dragon could easily look over it. Parthensus started to chuckle to himself.

“Well this is certainly a very nice find Twilight, unfortunately Pinkie already provided me with a copy, although mine isn’t able to adjust sizes at will.” Twilight nodded uncertainly, the Dragon changed the subject “Back to my son, I’m very interested in how he’s been turning out, Celestia hasn’t been sending me nearly enough progress reports since you moved to Ponyville and I’d like to know how he’s been doing.”

“He’s been doing very well sir, he makes an excellent research assistant and he keeps me from experiencing mental breakdowns over minor details so I’d say that he’s been a godsend.” Twilight told him, Parthensus nodded thoughtfully.

“So what’s this about him liking a unicorn?” Parthensus asked her, Twilight stiffened not sure how to answer.

“Don’t worry it isn’t a bad thing, except for when she eventually dies of old age of course, then again he’ll have you to comfort him for the next thousand years or so, so it shouldn’t be too bad.” The Dragon told her easily.

“What do you mean by that?” Twilight asked him in confusion.

“Oh right, spoilers, forget I said anything. Back to my son’s relation with the unicorn, how close are they?” Parthensus asked her.

“Not as close as he’d like, Spike is always trying to impress her but it always either turns out wrong, or she does her best to let her down easily. They’re still friends and he helps her with allot of her work but other than that…” Twilight trailed off lost in thought.

“Don’t worry Twilight, he’ll get over it eventually, then again he won’t really start to grow till he’s one hundred so it’s not like he could really do much with her.” Parthensus mused to himself, Twilight blushed she didn’t really need to hear about that.

“So um Your Majesty how are you going to help us in the war?” Twilight asked the great Dragon her nervousness returning.

“I’ll be sending two of my best commanders and a platoon of small troops to help Celestia and I’ll be sending my top commander to help you kill the Illusive Man, who if the rumors are right should provide quite the challenge.” Parthensus said scratching his scaly chin with his claw.

“Thank you sir, I’m sure that they’ll make great additions to the army.” Twilight said

“You may go if you wish Twilight; I’m going to call a small conference for the dragons that are going to be dispatched and I don’t want you to be accidentally stepped on.” Parthensus said with a smile. Twilight nodded her thanks and quickly left, her mind was spinning, she’d always known that there was something special about Spike but she’d never imagined that he was a prince. “Oh and Twilight don’t tell Spike about his heritage, I wouldn’t want the whole purpose of me sending him to you to be spoiled.” Parthensus called after her.

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