I ran through the fields of war, gun in hand. I sprinted past barbed wire and watched as shells impacted the ground around me, friend and foe torn apart by thunderous cannons. A constant ringing sang in my ears, growing louder, and louder, and louder until finally a voice.

"Ben...time to wake." A soft raspy voice called out to me as I exploded into pieces. "Ben...wake up--"

"Bah!?" I yelped, nearly throwing myself from the bed. I felt my arms pinned under foals and Foxglove's engorged body. "What the fuck!?" I looked around, spotting a nervous looking mare with a red mane. She held a small bell in her mouth and a neat cap on her head.

She dropped the bell as my bed stirred with life. "Count...I'm sorry your mother in law asked me to wake you!" The mare pleaded, prancing in place. "I'm sorry!"

I let out a tired groan and slid my legs off the bed. "God damn.... It's not your fault...." I mumbled, wiping off my eyes and looking around at the piles of young bat ponies nuzzling against the place my body was taking up. "...Damn, my head hurts...." I loved to the servant. "Coffee?"

The servant nodded dutifully. "Aye, and Miss Pursa is waiting in the dining hall." She scampered off, leaving me to sort out my family and get everyone down the stairs.

I let out a soft groan, wiping off my face and grabbing for a foal to pet. A massive bed was covered in the younger foals, Wayne taking a place with his back to my face. But the foals were generally docile, only really becoming an issue when they started biting. "Ben...what happened? Who's belling?" Foxglove groaned, joining me in the horrid pseudo morning. "I heard...a bell...."

I let out a monstrous yawn and started wrapping foal tails around my arms. "Your mom is here...I think she probably wants something."

Foxglove stared out into space as I strung up foals from my arms. "...Can I go shower first? I really...I can taste myself...it tastes salty...."

"Huuuuh? Oh...sure." I reached across the bed and gave her a quick peck on the lips. "I'll go make sure there's breakfast down stairs."

Foxglove cooed softly, a warm smile growing on her face. "Thanks, Ben." She cleared her eyes and wandered towards the baths, her mane a scraggily mess of teased hair and rough night looks. She had been nothing but kind and loving since I'd come back, granted we still had our moments, she was taking the change she promised to heart, and was handling the pregnancy well.

I couldn't help but feel a little guilty for questioning her, questioning what I thought about her. I felt like admitting I had doubted why I was with her, but each dusk I could see why. A morning kiss, a brush along my side, a warm smile. For all I wanted to dislike her, all I wanted to be mad at her for being so moody and secretive, I couldn't be. It was in how she handled the foals, how she walked around me, it was soft, kind.

"...Alright kids, hold on." I mumbled, taking my first step with a load of foals hanging by their tails from my arms. I looked like a cross, bat ponies strung up across my arms like Christmas lights. Each step carried a small flutter of wings, a subconscious yawn or twitch. It felt good, fatherly, to have a load of children literally clinging to me.

I carried them down the steps from my bedroom, still clad in a pair of boxers and a sleep shirt. "Bats...everywhere...bats...." I hissed in Thestrali. "...Everywhere freaking bats, and then there's me...." I continued to hurry down, towards the nursery, towards freedom.

Each step was rather careful, the foals starting to stir, starting to look around and realize where they were. Most stayed put, realizing this was part of their normal day, but a few decided to cause trouble, try to fly away or run off. It quickly became a herding game, cut short by a familiar red head.

Pursa came walking up with a cup of coffee and a plate on her head. "Count Wesk, how are you?" She asked calmly, strolling over and holding my coffee for me. "Word from the Houses is that you've been a bit worried."

I stared at her, walking past and gesturing for her to follow. "Worried? A little.... You talk to Pyrrhic or Moon?"

Pursa nodded a few quick times. "Pyrrhic said nothing, is his way. But I fear Moon Light had a proper diagnostic."

"Oh? And what's that?"

Pursa hurried ahead of me and spun around. "She thinks you're depressed."

I stopped dead in the hall. "...Depressed? I hadn't thought of that...but I wouldn't doubt it."

Pursa closed her eyes and bowed her head, the coffee sliding off and hitting the floor with a loud clink. "I have brought some potions, perhaps one will--"

"No!" I snapped, causing her to shoot upright and the foals to jump to attention. "No... No more potions."

Pursa looked around frantically. "Ben...they will hel--"

"No more." I stated, sitting down and letting the foals wander around the narrow hall around me. "Pursa...no more. No more potions, no more drugs, just no more." I wiped my face, letting out a small sniffle as I did. "Every time someone tries to give me something to help, I change. The first time, I turned into this-" I waved my hand in front of my body. "-thing, this half human. The second I felt so hyper, that dragon testosterone to push away the poison...I couldn't focus for shit. Then I took that last one...." Foals began to crawl over me, not yet ready to give up sleep. Wayne flew up, landing with his stomach on my crown and letting out a soft coo as he settled in. "Pursa...that last one-- I mean I had no idea how long I would be gone, and I lost three months! Three months I promised to give Foxglove, three months I could have been there for her, gone."

"Ben you can't let that sto--"

"And when I come back, with some fucked up knowledge of the past, I have to make up some bullshit on the fly to save my family from tearing itself, Equestria, everything apart!" I clasped my hands against my face. "I can't do it anymore, I just can't." I pulled Wayne down from my head and cradled him in my arms. "Pursa...I might be depressed, I might make poor decious, I might fuck up, lose everything in some stupid bout of anger or bipolar sorrow. But this is my life! Not some potion's! And when I look around, to the people I have around me...the nobles, Foxglove, the foals, everything I've worked for, everything I've given my body for, I'm not ready to believe I can't fix this myself!"

I stood upright, foals softly tumbling to the floor and squirming around, half awake. I stood before Pursa with Wayne in my arms. "This little guy, you, Foxglove, Pyrrhic, everyone.... I don't need a potion to feel better, I need time, I need to live my life. I need to settle down, figure out what I want to do with my life, and do it! And that's sure as hell not something I'll be able to do with another potion in my gut!"

Pursa stared up at me. "Ben...this could fix you, in seconds."

I stared at her, pursing my lips and nodding feverishly, "Yeah? But I don't want it fixed in seconds. I want to feel, I want to hurt, I want to be alive! Even if that means living in pain, I want to live it! I want my life back!" I snapped, "Everything was simple, clean! I took care of babies, now...I don't even know, but I sure as hell know another fucking potion won't fix what's actually wrong with me!" I screamed, pointing to my heart with my right hand. "I have everything I need to fix it...but you need to give me time."

Pursa's frown hardened. "Count...it's your choice, I merely present you with what I think is best--"

"For who!?" I snapped, "Best for who? For me? For Foxglove?" Pursa didn't answer. "...It doesn't matter. I have family, I have power, I have a loving wife and I have--"

"Ben, Benjamin Wesk...." Pursa croaked, eyes starting to water. "August Twentieth...the day you went to sleep.... You weren't supposed to wake up."

I took a few moments to gather what she meant. "I was supposed to die?"

Pursa fell to her haunches. "After the marriage...if you died...the county would go to Foxglove."

I started huffing loudly. "You- you tried to kill me? You and the green kid?!"

Pursa lowered her head. "The Bian had no idea.... I simply added what should have been a lethal dose of nettle to the memory potions they had. I should have done more research, found out how to kill a human properly."

I stared at her, lip twitching slightly. "You...you of all people.... I know I was told someone would try to kill me, but I never thought--"

Pursa walked up to me. "The potion is meant to clear your mind, send you to sleep for two days.... I managed to stop your heart, for three months. Sadly it would seem three months was not long enough."

I started laughing instinctively, staring at her, my heart sinking into my chest. "Why? W- was this poison too!?" I snapped, reaching for her saddlebags. "You're trying to kill me!?"

Pursa stared at me, expressionless. "Ben.... After I saw Foxglove cry when you left, the way she reacted, I could never kill you. Not out of love or caring for you, but for her."

I rubbed my face, laughing and crying at the massive confusion. "Why? Why!? To what end? What goal!?"

Pursa licked her lips, "You saw my goal.... War, a chance to take back what was ours. Ben, live your life knowing your people are the last of millions. Live knowing you were pushed to the brink of extinction, and merely saved because of the whims of a young moon princess." She pressed her forehead against my own, "Live knowing you're a servant, knowing that no matter what, the highest thing you'll ever achieve is to be some footstool for some cretinous unicorn or pegasus."

I grabbed her by the back of her head, not to push her away, but to hold her head against my own. "Pursa...I trusted you. I talked to you in earnest...I can't let this go." I hissed, filled with extreme regret.

Pursa nodded, rubbing her head against my own. "Ben...I only ever wanted the best for them.... Now Carve is in Canterlot...Dov has a family...Foxglove has you.... But they deserve more, Ben. They deserve their homeland back, they deserve to know what happened, to take back what is theirs."

I pushed Pursa away, holding my face with the bridge of my finger. "Pursa...you know what has to happen." I whimpered, "It's not even my call...it's Moon's."

Pursa nodded, "Ben...I've lived sixty long years, I've seen my family safe...and maybe I couldn't give them everything they deserve, but I've given them things they could never have dreamed of...I gave them a chance."

I huffed strongly. "I would have given them the same chance, all you had to do was ask me. All you had to do is be honest."

"Ben...I'm An Arder, we work in the shadows.... What did I tell you? We're the counts servants?" She chuckled softly. "Ben, we're named An Arder because we always take the throne. We kill the pretenders, we poison, we lie, our family is more murderous than the Iron, more cunning than the Av Crag, we always take the throne, through blood or diplomacy.... Sadly yours was meant to be in blood."

I stared at her, sobbing softly but holding back my tears. "...Pursa...I was your friend, and you tried to kill me when I looked for help, to better myself for your daughter...."

The elder bat bowed her head. "I take responsibility. Now...take what retribution you must."

I stared at her, shaking slightly. "...Run." I croaked, rubbing my fingers across my head. "Run, now!" I screamed, pointing to the door. "Get out of Transylmania, and don't ever come back!" I snapped, "This is for your advice...for your help, and for Foxglove."

Pursa sobbed softly as I picked up my children and started off. "You leave me alive...for what?! Why!? I just admitted to regicide and you let me live!?"

"Mercy." I whispered, "We all have to move on, some faster than others." I walked towards the main hall, "...Pursa...I'll take care of her. I promise I'll take care of her, but you're not welcome back."