I Am Not Spartacus - Spartacus Gave Roller-Skates To Whom?
by Dan's Comments
Based in the 'Your Human and You' universe by MadMaxtheBlack
This story is NOT canon with Your Human and You

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

It is Hearts and Hooves Day. The Royal Plan is a short reception (two hours, couples only, by invitation only), then the government shuts down. Only my two guards know my cunning plan, and I've sworn both to secrecy. My plan is no less than the catastrophic destruction of the entire edifice of Equestrian Government. My guards are aware of my evil plot, and I've so corrupted them that they can do nothing. Cue evil laughter.

Shining Armor is talking with Fancy Pants as I approach carrying a box, the last and chanciest element of my nefarious plan. Swift Wind takes up a guard position and is content to watch. I set the box down and listen as the pair discuss the finer points of the rivalry between Canterlot United, and the Manehatten 'Maulers'. I think I am more than making up my lost karma, if there's anything more stupefying than hoofball, it's listening to an enthusiastic conversation about hoofball. People arguing about paint drying would be preferable. At least they'd be talking about accomplishing something. I wonder if they instituted gladiatorial games using humans because they couldn't continue to stomach games that nearly always ended in a tie among ponies. Hence the boringness. A zero-zero tie was a more common ending than you might suspect.

The odd sound and girlish squeal penetrates even their discussion of the zone versus coverage defense. The two stallions look at the world outside their conversation, and the world whirls around them.

"WHHHEEEEEEE!" squeals the happy, white blur with the prismatic corona orbiting them too fast to be seen, before it streaks off to orbit two more ponies out walking the palace corridors. "WHEEEEEEE!"

More slowly, and much more elegantly, Little Blue circles them and my two guards in a figure-8, rotating on her hooves like a tidelocked planet on its axis as she orbits them, then rolls off to zigzag across the corridor, trying to get close to but not touch every guard on station. "HA!" she announces as the white blur races by.

"WHEEEEE!"

Armor stares, tries to speak, but his voice isn't cooperating. Fancy Pants' monocle hangs, swaying drunkenly at the end of its tether as he observes.

"I say," Fancy Pants exclaims.

The galloping of hooves brings Armor's attention around. Pink is fast approaching. Armor shows trepidation breaking through his astonishment.

She stops before the pair. "Oh Armor, someone gave them roller-skates for Hearts and Hooves Day," she says wistfully, and pouts at Armor.

Dread fills the stallion's heart. Pain fills the stallion's ankle as I kick him there. Armor turns to grimace at me, but catches the raised eyebrow and the downward glance. "Uh, I haven't, had time to wrap them," Armor says as he levitates the box up.

Cadence has it open and the skates out before he can finish. The kiss she gives him is enough to stand his mane on end and get his tail sticking straight back like a pool cue. There are no children to horrify, and all of us are adults. I suspect I'll be bunking elsewhere tonight.

Cadence runs off giggling with the skates. Armor looks at the box, a very smug Percy, and a deeply worried Fancy Pants.

"Oh dear," Fancy Pants says as he raises a hoof to his chin.

I set a business card on the elegant stallion's nose, bow and walk away.

Fancy Pants restores his monocle to its accustomed position. " 'Terrahoof's Roller-Skate Emporium'," Fancy Pants sighs, "Well, must dash. But I do wonder?"

"What?" Armor asks as he stares at the empty box.

"Is this why Discord was afraid of him?" Fancy Pants canters away.

"WHEEEE!" the white blur announces as she orbits Armor.

"ZOOM!" a pink blur races by in a dead, straight line.

The white blur is off in pursuit. "WHEEEEE!"
------------------------------

Oh course she turns the reception into a lesson on why you and your spouse still love each other. Since of the couples with roller-skates, only a quarter of them can both skate. Most are lucky that one can, and the spouse is clinging tightly to them. In nearly all the rest, the pair is clinging to each other in abject terror of falling down. Those without skates are spared the possible indignity, but are also politely ignored by the crowns. The effect hammers home the 'spouses are trusted partners' lesson for most of the recipients. Of course Fancy Pants and Fleur can both skate, and skate elegantly, so they're off here and there, bucking up their friends, all of whom were warned to get skates. Never before has the attitude of 'don't smash a face, but don't invite it to dinner' been so devastating. Those receiving Fancy Pants and Fleurs' tutoring are at least able to navigate after a fashion, those without, get to learn if their partner is really a partner or if they are just for convenience.

The division surprises a fair number of the nobles. And it is hilarious to watch the whole thing. Of course Pink and Armor are some of the belles of the ball, but understandably a little too caught up with each other to help anypony else. Yes, I provided a set for Armor.

It is also hilarious watching The Great White nearly glow with pleasure at my gift, and at giving advice that the right royal/noble morons actually listen to. Part of it is the permission to play, and part of it is thrusting her and Little Blue back to the role they had relished so long ago: teachers and wise women, not rulers. She can't command the ponies to learn to skate, she has to draw them towards the skill. The ponies are so desperate for help that they let Little Blue coach them, making her far less of a bogeymare. It is hard work, but as they both do it, and The Great White looks like she could have flown without wings. She picks my place out of the 'whisper galleries' and I see such radiant joy on her face, all the effort is more than worth it.

The snickering of Parrot Boy does nothing to harm my good mood.
------------------------------

The Great White was too weary for anything more athletic than snuggling, I lay draped over her barrel, my arms around her neck and her wings holding me tight against her. The day had been wonderful, but exhausting. The kind of contented exhaustion when a hard day's work accomplishes everything you hoped it would.

I am aware of her guards, and my guard mare watching them watching us. The trio of guards are uncomfortable, but for different reasons. Celestia's think of the intimacy that the human is displaying, and her pristine Highness is eagerly reciprocating, I think as I lay on her slowly rising and lowering chest, My guard is wishing she could snuggle against the pair of us as well.

I want to laugh at that. But between the warm fur beneath, the soft feathers above, and the contented little noises, I'm on the verge of falling asleep, I think. I glance at The Great White, and her expression of fondness and contentment warms my heart, but confuses me. I don't understand why this especially.

The gently stroking of her wings and the rise and fall of her chest finally lulled me to a peaceful sleep.
------------------------------

I knew a dream when I saw one, and I know a projected dream when I felt one around me. This is odder than usual, as if it is a dream of watching a movie. Watching a fixed set of events unfold, and being one with a set point of view.

Luna wasn't sure why Celestia had both asked her to attend her doctor's appointment, and had sworn her to absolute secrecy. The doctor, Honey Blossom (don't bother she's heard it a hundred times) was not particularly disturbed by events, she seemed to be in the know more than Luna.

"It's confirmed, your Highness," the doctor said, "No doubt what-so-ever."

"But that's not possible," The Great White said, her hoof over her mouth, she seemed frightened by the news, "After the Elements, and all the rest, it's not possible."

"What's not possible," Little Blue exclaimed, her irritation manifest, even if I couldn't feel it.

The Great White turned to Little Blue, "After Discord, Tirek, and all the others, I thought I would never recover from some of my injuries."

"You may not have," the doctor said, and smirked, "There's a simpler explanation."

"If you are not forthcoming with an explanation, we shall become quite cross," Little Blue fell back into her olde-time accent.

"It couldn't be," The Great White whispered, "Could it?"

"Could not what?" Little Blue demanded.

"You might be an aunt," Honey Blossom said in the face of Little Blue's towering rage.

Who is more thunderstruck, the dream alicorns, or me, is a point of speculation. Little Blue's head whipped around to stare at The Great White.

"How?" Little Blue asked, "And what are these injuries you spoke of?"

Honey Blossom explained, "An alicorn's fertility is both highly seasonal, and incredibly fragile. If you came into season as often as ponies, and produced offspring as much, we'd be hip deep in alicorns due to your immortality. That's ignoring your increased vitality permitting many more pregnancies throughout your life. One generation to grow up, one or two of fertility, two or three of middle and old age to raise the younger generations. Your fertile period has lasted a thousand years and may go on a thousand more, so it's less likely you'd produce offspring to keep the population balanced."

Little Blue nodded. "What injuries?" Little Blue repeated.

"Did you think the battles against all those villains took no toll?" The Great White asked quietly, "That losing our connection to the Elements . . . ?"

Little Blue looked ashamed, but The Great White hugged her. "You are innocent of the crimes of Nightmare Moon, my sister. Even I knew nothing of what those battles cost us, cost me, you are still 'healthy' and whole in that respect."

"What I am saying is that your shapeshifting games let you access a humans' more robust fertility. They are fecund, even compared to ponies," Honey Blossom said, "They have to be, considering their infant mortality rate and short lifespan."

The Great White's eyes bugged out. "I know when it happened."

Ironically so did I, exactly.

"I thought he was just getting clever with his fingers," The Great White said.

"I'm rather relieved you weren't thinking at a time like that," Little Blue said.

The Great White and Honey Blossom both chuckled nervously.

The conversation trailed off at that point and I am left with the inescapable conclusion that The Great White is with child, mine, and to all intents and purposes, the alicorn heir. The political results of this are staggering, but the fact I have fathered another child brings me up short.

Pain of watching the human I'd coupled with miscarrying as she died of poisoning brings a compilation of rage, helplessness, confusion, and fear. The comments on the fragility of alicorn fertility ring through my mind.
------------------------------

It's morning after a restless night I wake to The Great White staring at me, I remember my girlfriend looking at me with that intensify of adoration after we worked to get her PhD.

"Luna told you," she says.

It's not for the disguise that I only nod. She hugs me tightly, letting her joy be heard. The guards are both utterly charmed and utterly mystified by the sight of 'Her Serene Highness' practically squealing with joy as she rolls back and forth on her back. I keep forgetting how lonely she is, despite being surrounded by ponies day and night, if those around you don't treat you as a person, you are alone.

Returning to Pink's apartment has Swift Wind glancing around very self-consciously. "Is her Highness all right?" she asks quietly.

I nod, which seems to calm her down. I keep to myself that she is smitten with The Great White, as are most ponies, but she's smitten with the pony, not the princess.

Being intercepted and led aside to a quiet place by the Mighty Poof is worrying, as is his haunted expression. "Percy, I need for you to promise me, that when you go to the Crystal Empire, you'll take all my humans with you."

There's a sealed door between us and the rest of ponydom. "What happened?"

The Mighty Poof looks at me miserably. "I . . . " He looks at the carpet, adjusting the nap of it as he struggles to explain. "I almost hit one," he says quietly, "Sweet little thing, always making sure I eat regularly. When she tried it today, just a little while ago." Tears begin to fall. "I was so angry. I didn't raise my hoof to her, but I wanted to. I wanted to so badly." He sobers and stares at me. "Please, these don't know me as anything but a good master. If I do lose myself and get more humans, they'll know I'm mad from the beginning, but these won't understand. They'll understand going with you, they'll understand serving Cadence and Armor at my command, but they won't understand why I've changed."

"Honestly, have you considered seeing a competent surgeon? They don't have healing magic in the minotaur or griffon territories," I ask as I lay a hand on his shoulder.

"Unfortunately, only the vets in Canterlot have the surgical skill, and to lay a blade into a prince?" He shakes his head. "None are that brave."

I nod again. "Yes, when we go, I'll take them."

"Thank you," he says, honestly relieved. "Oh, if anyone asks," he says to Swift Wind, "I tried to seduce you. I have to maintain my reputation as an unlikable cad."

"As long as I can be shocked at the implication," Swift Wind says, "Being oblivious, uncultured and all."

Both nod at their accord and The Mighty Poof leaves.

"This is turning out to be a very strange day," I comment as we leave the room and continue to Pink's apartment.

There, the insanity continues. Laid out are dresses, hoof covers, and swatches of cloth everywhere. The cloud of chattering ponies reminds me of an aviary. Pink and Parasol are in there somewhere. I glance around and note that Armor is nowhere to be seen. Probably fled in terror, I realize.

Before I can retreat, a dozen swatches of cloth are draped over me. I stare at the ponies who are now staring at me. Swift Wind steps up to dispel them if they try anything.

"No, no, all wrong, try the groom's colors," one of the mares brays as the swatches fly off, and are replaced by another squadron of cloths.

Again, I stare. These are darker colors. The charcoal gray is the best, but pony aesthetic has never been my strong suit. Oddly enough, Swift Wind gets it before I do.

"Armor will be wearing his dress uniform for the wedding, not a suit. The groomsmen will also be in uniform," she tells the mares, "You'll have to match the colors to the uniform colors."

Oh course, the wedding, I think, But that's not for a while, and . . . No, it's a royal/noble wedding, of course they'll be planning everything out ahead of time.

"Of course we can't have that," another of the horsey harridans brays, "They're such drab things."

"I think you're thinking battle dress, not ambassadorial dress," Swift Wind said, "Besides, he can't outshine the bride."

That sets this pack of jackals against each other, and I still haven't spotted Pink or Parasol in all this maelstrom of self-important nobodies.

I take advantage of the argument to slip back out the door. I've never been a fan of the 'meet cute' where the girl 'innocently' collides with the boy she's interested in so they have something to talk about. Too many years and too many 'coincidences' in the pit circuit gave my instincts and reflexes an edge. After all, if a pony matron crashed into you she might order you beaten while she got off on your cries of pain.

So when Dusk Shine appears out of nowhere, moving full tilt and apparently oblivious to where she is going, I am out of her path before she closes within arms' reach. The fact that Swift Wind is equally light on her hooves means that Parrot Boy gets the full benefit. He doesn't appreciate it, and from her swiftly hidden frown, neither does Dusk Shine. I nod and gesture towards the door to Pink's apartment. Parrot Boy shoves her in there, a bit roughly, but that gets her out of the hall and out of my hair. As beautiful as she is, I have a lover who could be an even more beautiful human, is carrying my child, and that I can talk to on waking up in the morning. Those all make me very zealous to The Great White and her happiness. A bit of fluff on the side is not welcome.

I look around and consider where Pink might be. The obvious place, Little Blue's apartments, seems a good place to start. The trivial idiots of Canterlot are afraid of her, less so after the Hearts and Hooves Day, but still afraid, gee, I wonder why?

A knock on the door brings a thoroughly disheveled Parasol who stares nervously at the three of us. "Oh, come in."

Inside the room, it is dark, Little Blue is carefully brushing out Pink's mane. I've never seen Pink so distraught.

"Oh, Percy." Pink seems distraught, by how concerned we are. "I didn't mean to frighten you."

I gesture for her to stay laying beside Little Blue. I turn to Parrot Boy. "See if you can find Captain Armor."

The pony briefly considers that he is taking overs from a human, then decides that the order makes sense and he heads out. I sit next to Pink and begin scratching her behind the ears. "The wedding, and all the people imposing on your day?" I ask.

Pink nods miserably. "I know they are trying to help," she says.

"I wouldn't go that far," I reply, "Some just want to be able to do something so when they look at their scrapbook, they can claim a piece of history."

She lacks the energy to even grump at me.

"But, Percy has a brilliant plan to end all your suffering and let you and Shining Armor face these people with a smile on your face, and a song in your heart."

"Who art thou and what hast thy done with Percy in truth?" Little Blue asks.

"Oh, it's a deeply nefarious scheme, with intricate and deliberate secrecy in every crevice," I tell Little Blue.

"That's more like you," Little Blue says, and looks up as Celestia and Shining Armor arrive, but no sign of Parrot Boy.

"Excellent," I say as Armor takes my place beside Pink, "We have a quorum. Is everyone ready to take part in my nefarious plan to strip those busybodies of any power over Cadence and Shining Armor's wedding?"

"You can't cancel it," Princess Celestia says.

"Oh, I had no intention of canceling it. Uh, Princess Luna can you stand up, right where you are, it's perfect," I say, "Okay, your Highnesses and Captain Armor, when I nod to you, you say 'I do', then we can -"

"What are you doing?" Swift Wind demands, "You aren't going to perform the wedding right now are you?"

Both rulers are stunned by this.

"Well of course silly. We have the bride and groom, a person to stand with each one, and two witnesses, that's all that's legally required for a wedding to have full validity."

"But the guest, the catering?" Pink asks.

"Political theater, nothing more. Your loved ones know that you two are crazy about each other, so the wedding is no big surprise," I tell her, "Let the functionaries create the political theater, this is just for you two."

Pink wants to protest, Armor seems to want to offer some protest, then remembers, "They tried to disinvite my parents. Not High Society enough."

"Very well," I say, "That's settled. Who gives this stallion?" I nod to The Great White.

She looks around very nervously. "I do?"

"Captain Shining Armor GCMG, do you take Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, to be your wife, to have and to hold from this day forward; for better or for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish from this day forward until death do you part?" I nod to Armor.

He looks to the two princesses, and at Cadence. When she nods, he says, "I do."

"Who gives this mare?" I ask.

"I do," Little Blue declares.

"Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, do you take Captain Shining Armor GCMG, to be your husband, to have and to hold from this day forward; for better or for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish from this day forward until death do you part?"

Pink can't get her, "I do!" out fast enough.

"Then by the power of Equestrian law and before these witnesses I declare you husband and wife, you may kiss," I tell them, and they do, almost shyly. Like the first kiss on a first date. They soon settle into it, and everyone decides to just let it continue.

They finally break it, and glance around, both blushing nervously.

"I wish my folks could have been here," Armor says.

"And Twilight," Pink adds.

"You can tell them all about it. A talking human presided," I tell them.

Both of them consider that, and erupt in giggles. When they calm down a little, they are inching towards another kiss, when Parrot Boy enters the room.

"Oh, that's why I couldn't find them," he says and looks around at the snickering ponies and gets very nervous. "What did I miss?"

Everyone starts laughing, and poor Parrot Boy facehooves because the self-proclaimed 'master trickster' just missed what he knows must have been an epic joke.

So sad, too bad.

"Why did you reference the Grand Commander Militaire Griffon," The Great White asks, "That's not even an Equestrian award."

"Well, since Pink is 'Princess Cadenza', Armor needed an equalizer. Considering what a Commander in the order of Militaire Griffon is called, a Grand Commander would be perfect," I explain.

"What is it called?" Parrot Boy asks, trying to glean some idea about the prank, little realizing he was walking into one.

"Outside of Equestrian ears, its 'Call Me God'," I tell him.

"So the Grand Commander?" Parrot Boy asks.

"GCMG, 'God Calls Me God'."

He stares at my expressionless face, until Armor snorts. Then Parrot Boy facehooves again.

"I think I may ask the Griffon Ambassador that," The Great White muses, "The trade negotiations are coming up in a few weeks. It would be good to have something to put that esteemed . . . "

"Feather duster?" Little Blue offers.

"Luna!" The Great White says, "Don't insult feather dusters that way. They are a valuable and effective piece of equipment."
------------------------------

The days that followed showed a distinct reduction in both Pink's and Armor's tension. They dealt with the idiocy of the various 'suggestions' to how their wedding should run with a good deal more humor. I am starting to wonder if they are going to allow this to entirely become a farce. But Parasol and the Four Corners, as well as Muttonchops are keeping this from becoming a complete parody on the side of the pair, despite the best efforts of every other noble moron in the capital.

So it's especially disturbing when Muttonchops suddenly storms into Pink's apartment, ignores her and tosses me a set of leather armor and a staff. "Come on, lad," is all he says before he charges back out.

I glance at Parasol amid a swarm of arguing bakers, and she doesn't react, so I charge after the sergeant as I put the armor on.

What we encounter is a circle of screaming nobodies waving greeting cards, cloth swatches, baby shoes, and other items, all screaming at the top of their lungs, and all surrounding Pink. The real irony is that Armor and the Mighty Poof are the two guarding her, medics are actually attending to two of Pink's guards. The Mighty Poof is sporting a real shiner, while both Armor and Pink have been roughed up as well. The force Muttonchops has dragooned doesn't look happy, and I'm among the most unhappy, but I don't show it. I'm frankly getting ready to march in and bust heads.

"You should be ashamed of yourselves!" The Great White shouts, with another guard contingent, and Little Blue is leading a third closing the ring around the group.

While they are looking ashamed, I march through the group and collect the trio, nudging the ponies aside with the staff. Then I lead the group back out.

A photographer leans up to take a shot, one of those idiots with a lens better suited to take pictures of the moon, and a flash to illuminate it. I kick the camera, hard. The strap prevents the camera from flying into the crowd, but the other end is still around the pony's throat. It's especially fun that after briefly strangling her, the camera snaps back to belt her in the back of the head and breaks open. All those pictures ruined, so sad.

No one else does anything else but contemplate the floor as we escort the battered trio out of the press. Left-Front and Right-Front are able to rejoin us. Swift Wind and Parrot Boy automatically complete the cordon, and the small group of us march out. I don't look at The Great White or Little Blue. I don't need to remain to know there's going to be an epic ass-chewing that's going to go on. Yes, The Great White is the gentlest creature I've ever met, but sometimes you let out the steel to remind everyone that being nice is your choice, not a requirement.

Pink holds it together until we make it back to the apartment. Muttonchops had the good sense to clear out everyone who wasn't 'family' from the place before we arrive. The sullen looks from those turned out are irritating, but I couldn't care less about their feelings after what happened. A decimation of these fools couldn't come soon enough. Once we're inside, and the doors close, Pink completely loses it. She clings to Armor, making sounds a little like speech, but utterly incomprehensible.

I head to the bedroom, get the sheets and blankets off her bed and bring them back into the living room. I set them on the couch and help Armor bring Pink to the bedding and basically cocoon them together within it. Pink is still making incomprehensible, speech-like noises as she bawls her eyes out. The others paw the ground quietly or look everywhere but where the pair lay. A telekinetic tug in the couch's direction indicates one or both of them wants me there too. I take it as a request, and head over. As soon as I'm in range, a pink leg drags me over so I'm resting my head on Pink's chest. She nuzzles my head and keeps talking incoherently.

She eventually falls asleep, so does Armor, and I'm left stuck there. Parasol gets me a blanket and I try to relax and go to sleep, but Pink's and Armor's frightened noises make me have to keep soothing them, reminding them they're safe and we're here for them. It makes for an exhausting night. I briefly wonder why Little Blue isn't personally helping from the inside.
------------------------------

"I was helping," Little Blue says indignantly as we stand in her apartment during a potion-making lesson, "Without my efforts inside, it would have been worse. Without your efforts on the outside, I wouldn't have had a crack to get my teeth on and tear the nightmares apart."

I nod, understanding.

"Cadence has been shielded somewhat from the rigors of what Celestia goes through, and frankly what drove me into the arms of Nightmare Moon," Little Blue explains as the mixture we'd collected merrily bubbled. "She was beloved, but not a source of advancement for all the social climbers. Suddenly, she is, and all that drives 'Tia crazy, and that I mistook for something positive, descended on her full force. Love stopped being a universally positive force."

She lifted the beaker from the flame as the color changed and set it on the pad to cool. The faint pink of the liquid kept darkening to purple as it cooled and the liquid absorbed the ambient local magic to give it a lasting magical effect, until it was consumed.

Little Blue looks intently at me. "That Blueblood stepped up to defend her that you cuddled with her, and that Armor and I went to rescue her from her nightmares kept her from collapsing into Cutie Mark Failure Insanity Syndrome. She still felt love as a positive force, but she came to realize it is not absolutely positive. It can be misdirected and overdone."

I shake my head. "Poor kid. I guess I'm used to seeing the dark side," I admit, "It never occurred to me that someone in her position hadn't."

Little Blue chuckles. "She had, she just beat it before," Little Blue says, "Her personality and powers let her pry anypony, even you, out of your shell. She just never felt the raw power of love of self and position thrust in her face. It felt like a perversion of everything she and her cutie mark stood for, suddenly she was surrounded by people passionately, unabashedly, profoundly in love."

"With themselves," I retort.

Little Blue nods. "Yes, love directed entirely inwards. Everything sacrificed to feed that love. She was shocked and horrified by the intensity of it," Little Blue says, "She's recovered, but it was still a shock to her entire world view."

"At least it's somewhat under control now," I say as I stare at the royal purple of the liquid in the beaker, "Filtration next?"

"Yes, after it cools to room temperature," Little Blue says, "I take it limiting the contact to a specific two hours a day meeting was your idea. 'Tia 'exiling' the nobles from court, excising their families, and the companies who assaulted them seems more like your style."

"No, it was her," I say as I look at the notes and the rest of the steps in the potion manufacture, I always hated college chemistry, now I'm glad I took it, "I suggested she pick one in tem and either drown them in the waterfalls or toss them off the edge of the city. Assaulting two royals would get a mass execution in the griffon or minotaur territories."

"I can't imagine her accepting that as an appropriate punishment," Little Blue says.

"I suggested she could make a big deal of it, then throw them off the northeastern side and simply declare them dead," I say as I lay out the tools for the next operation, and ignore Little Blue's snickering.

"I doubt a 10-foot fall would dissuade them," Little Blue says.

"It's the build up that matters, and them dealing with them officially being 'dead' to the Equestrian government," I say, "But she decided exile from the court and government attention was good enough."

I pour the cooled mixture through a filter to prevent the various ground leaves, twigs, stones, and other stuff from batting into the potion vial. "That's it?" I ask, and get a nod from Little Blue, "How long is this good for?"

"As long as it's kept tightly stoppered, a few hundred years. If the liquid evaporates, it can be renewed with fresh spring water, but it'll be much weaker," she explains, "My stores in the old castle are long past useless."

"Until I delved, I wondered what all those racks of discolored vials were," I say, "Bye the way, there is a solution on your 'universal solvent' question: what do you keep it in?"

"If even a magically reinforced container could hold it, it wouldn't be a universal solvent, now would it," Little Blue sounds like a crusty, old teacher.

I point to the bottle of Aqua Regia. "You keep it in two bottles until you're ready to use it."

The facehoof is truly worth the effort.
------------------------------

Running into Muttonchops, again, is beginning to give me a complex. Being 'Father Confessor' to half the really important ponies in the capital is wearing. A sergeant important? The most senior sergeant to whom even officers look to as the institutional memory, you better believe important. The record of the difficulties of campaigns handed down through the people who had to get the nuts and bolts aspects of it to work, very important.

Of course I read those records, I'm not stupid.

He doesn't order, he just directs me to a balcony to view the huge dome now encasing the city. "Funny thing about vague threats," he says, "They make you do the tried and true. But the question always is, 'Is that what they want me to do?'" He turns to look at me. "I think you're a threat to Equestria and all she stands for. Her Highness is certain she can channel that into just the bad things that need changing. I accept that I will have to disagree, but follow orders. Different levels of wisdom, one looking forward with dreams, one looking back with bitter experience. You have the advantage of not fitting in any understandable category." He turns to look at the dome. There are other ponies around so I can't answer, maybe he wanted that. "Maybe her Highness is right. About you. But I kept help but wonder about this." He gestures at the shield. "It's what we should do, but that's what everyone who's ever walked into an epic defeat thought. 'It's always worked in the past' is the most dangerous part of thinking. It's right and the best course, most of the time, but that one in a thousandth time . . . " He sighed and leaned on the balcony railing. "This time I'm sure, we are missing something."

When he looks at me, I nod. The idea of closing off the city sits edgewise in my head. I never read Sun Tzu, but any teacher knows that they walk into the room outnumbered dozens to one, and the only way to 'win' is keep enough of the class awake and intent on learning from you, that they can keep the more restive elements under control.

"Oh, one of your secrets is out," Muttonchops says, "Among the guards at least. We're looking forward to spoiling the kid rotten, and instilling a good discipline, at the same time. Figures the foal should take after his dad." He leaves chuckling.

"That was just weird," Swift Wind comments, "Is he going to support you, or assassinate you?"

"I've got your back," Parrot Boy says, "So I and I alone can put the dagger there."

I shrug. At least he's honest about it.