If you end up sandwiched between your sexy wife and her sexy changeling lover every night, do you buy a bigger bed or your own?

Two’s Company, Three’s a Crowd

The Crystal Empire was a nice place to live. Clean air, nice ponies, breathtaking architecture, which could be easily enchanted to block out the sounds of the Empire’s active night life. What more could a pony ask for?

Well, at the moment, one pony, specifically Shining Armor, former captain of the guard of Canterlot and current Prince of the Crystal Empire, could ask for more. Specifically, he could ask his darling wife, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, Princess On High of the Crystal Empire, to move her fat pink flank off of him.

Or, if he was interested in ever having sexual relations with his wife, or any mare for that matter considering what she might do to him; he could request that Chrysalis, former Queen of the Northern Changelings, stop using him as a full body pillow.

But alas, such a thing was unlikely to happen, for the same reasons as the first option.

And so, Shining was left with but two options. Option A: Deal with it. And Option B: Just get out of the bed.

Shining was considering Option A when Cadance rolled over and he could see her hooves reaching out to find a cuddle buddy. In light of watching her scarf down a vegetarian hoagie earlier that evening and considering her face would be level with his, Shining opted for Option B.

Quick as a mouse, and damn were those bastards quick, Shining extracted himself from the bed, narrowly being missed by his wife’s questing hooves. He landed softly on the carpet and straightened in time to see Cadance pull Chrysalis close in her sleep.

Sighing, the unicorn made his way to the kitchen.

********

One of the advantages of being a prince, you can have any kind of food or drink you want. Within reason of course, you’re not eating baby seals here. Another advantage was that you could always have a ready supply of said food or drink. Within reason of course, you’re not snatching bread from orphanages all the time because orphans make the best bread.

These two things came in handy as Shining strolled into the kitchen. It was the middle of the bucking night and that meant he needed a bucking drink. Luckily his favorite cider was easily obtained through his inside source and his personal messenger could carry a cart of the stuff at a time. So, Shining rarely was without when he wanted one.

He pulled an already opened bottle from the cabinet and his favorite mug from another. The sound of the cider going from bottle to glass was strangely soothing and the aroma of the drink was calming as well.

And, in truth, half the time Shining would just pour the cider back and forth from bottle to glass and vice versa. Or simply hold the mug and enjoy the spiced smell.

Tonight though, he sparingly sipped from the mug as he made his way to the living room. Thanks to magic and crystals, each room could be sound-proofed if need be. So Shining could curl up on the couch and watch his stories without bothering a soul.

Of course, that would require not a soul being up at this time of night as well.

“Hello, Captain, having trouble sleeping?” Truth asked, looking over her shoulder at Shining.

Truth was a changeling like Chrysalis, though she was a Handmaiden rather than a Queen. In truth, Shining couldn’t really tell the difference between her and a regular changeling drone, save for a few discernable features if you looked close.

Shining began thinking of an excuse, but after a moment he just sighed and nodded.

“Thought so.” Truth turned back to the crystal television. “Well, come on.” she added after a moment, patting the seat next to her.

Shining took his seat next the Truth, slouching in the chair as he studied the screen. The show had something to do with a really buff earth pony with an odd accent looking for his daughter.

“So, what keeps you up, Captain?” Truth asked, not looking away from the screen.

‘Captain’. That’s what Truth always called him. He wasn’t too sure why. She often called Chrysalis ‘My Mistress’ and Cadance usually was ‘My Princess’, but Shining was always just ‘Captain.’ He’d been meaning to ask her about it.

“Me? Uh, nothing really.”

Truth looked at him. “I’m a changeling Captain, I can tell when you’re lying.”

Shining sighed. “Alright, the reason I’m awake is because my bed is made for two, not three.”

Truth nodded. “And whom do you wish was not there, Cadance or Chrysalis?”

Shining sighed again. “I’m not too sure. Probably the least cuddly one.”

Truth giggled. “An ambiguous enough answer, Captain.”

Shining felt a small grin come to his features. “Thanks for noticing.”

Truth nodded. “Anytime.”

“So, what keeps you up?”

“Myself? I rarely get real down time during the day, so I wake up at night to catch a little late night programming.”

Shining nodded. “Yeah, makes sense. You are a lot of help around here.”

“You let me come and stay here, the least I can do is extend my services to the whole household.”

“Pissing off the Maid’s Guild in the process.”

Truth giggled again. “Well, I suppose a changeling taking your job is rather annoying. But at least I agreed to keep my hooves off their wives and husbands.”

Shining grinned. “Yeah. After several hours of negotiation and a signed contract.”

Truth rolled her eyes. “It’s not like I signed with my real hooves. I signed with yours.”

Shining chuckled. “Loophole abuser.” he said in a mock accusing tone. “They’ll demand I arrest you if you get caught.”

“I best not get caught then.” Truth laughed.

Shining laughed with her and then sipped his drink, turning his attention back to the screen.

“Let off some steam, Bennett.” the muscled earth pony said in his thick accent after he threw a steel pipe through his opponent and the boiler behind him. The stallion then bit into a peach.

“Geez, that guy’s got issues.”

Truth giggled at that and then glanced slyly at Shining. “Hey, Captain, what’s a lady got to do to get a drink around here? Strip naked and sing Winter Wrap Up?”

Shining couldn’t recall the last time he’d spewed so much cider so far across the room.

Author's Notes:

And so, it begins.

Next up: The Lusty Changeling Maid or The Buck Did I Do Last Night?