The Remedials.... I really needed to come up with a better name to call them... stood in front of me, in the throne room of the main lair. They all looked up at me apprehensively-- well, except for Winky; she was too busy nuzzling and fussing over Twinkles to care what something as inconsequential as a Dark Overlord had to say. I looked down at them from my throne. "Eiderdown. Step forward."

Trembling slightly but with her head held high, she stepped out in front of the group. "Your vengeance is complete. Now comes the settling of accounts."

She nodded, and knelt before me, her soft-feathered wings spread in the traditional pegasus supplication. Her eyes dropped to the floor. "What is thy bidding, my master?" she said.

I nearly shat myself.

"HNRGHK!--- I-- have decided--" I wheezed, straining so hard not to laugh I though I was going to prolapse. I got control of myself. "Wheeze.... I have decided," I said calmly, "On your disposition.

"You have offered yourself, your servitude, as payment. I accept. But I have little, if any need at the moment for what few abilities you possess. I have decided therefore that you shall repay your debt to me... as a servant to my most loyal follower and apprentice. Artful Dodger, step forward."

"Me?" Dodger said. Or tried to, I suppose; all that came out of him was a startled adolescent honk. Nevertheless he obeyed. He stepped down off the dais and stood in front of Eiderdown. He tried to hide it with an adolescent swagger, but I could practically see the nervousness rolling off him in waves.

I chuckled to myself. This was going to be good.

"This is your master," I told her. "You will serve him, tend to his needs, and do anything he commands, the same as you promised to me." I waved a hand. "Artful Dodger, from this moment forth she is yours. Her duty is to you; her care and keeping are your charge." I flicked my finger, sending a tiny bundle of dark magic to light on Dodger's horn. It was a little trick I'd worked out; it vibrated his horn, using bone conduction to send him private little messages or instructions only he could hear. She is your charge, I repeated silently. I may need her later, so she'd better not come to harm. ANY harm. From ANY pony. Understood?

He got the message; I could see it in his eyes. He nodded his head, swallowing.

She made no attempt to hide the dismay on her face. Around the crowded throne room, low chuckles and a few muttered rude suggestions were made as to what "anything" included. Dodger snapped his attention to the commenters and casually flipped them the unicorn equivalent of the bird. "Hello again, Ducklin'," he said to her, giving her what he obviously thought was a cocky grin. "Don't worry luv, Oi'll take care o' you."  She turned her head away, biting her lip-- but she nodded. "Here, ducklin'." He flipped his hat off and pulled something out of it. It unfolded in his grasp, a silver choker with a gemstone cut to match his own slit-pupiled eyes.

Fumbling in his eagerness, he fastened it around her neck. "There now, safe an' sound." He leaned in. "Boss gave me that...means you work for me. Means nopony will fuss wi' you." He raised his voice. "Take a good look, you lot. See that gem? She's MINE, long as she wears it. So HOOVES OFF!" Some of the men jeered. The smarter ones shut up and nodded.

The other broken birds (that might be a good group name... hmm) watched the proceedings with unhappiness. "Wait!" Gale Wings said, breaking away from the group. "You can't do this! You can't just... give her to him like a..." she sputtered to a halt. "Please, don't do this!"

"Galey, please, don't," Eiderdown said. "I made the deal, I'm paying the price..."

Gale looked at Eiderdown. "Five years, Eidy, five years we were practically slaves! We can't let you be made a slave again, not for us--!"

"I AM NO SLAVER!" I roared, slamming my fist on the arm of the throne. The room fell silent; I'd apparently scared the hell out of everyone with that outburst. Hell, I'd scared the hell out of myself. I sat back, smothering that burst of anger back down. "She is indentured, payment made and accepted, of her own free will. She will go free again, but only after I have determined the scales are balanced."

"How long?" Gale demanded.

I was about to answer when I was interrupted. "Don't matter," Welter Weight said, moving forward. "We'll share the load." He stared at me, jaw set. "That's the deal I wanna make, Darth Vulcan. Whatever the payment is she has to make... we'll split it between us. I'm not gonna walk free and leave her carrying the load. We're in this together. I'll... I'll trade my freedom to you, in exchange for that." The others made loud noises of agreement.

"I don't think you kin render all the same services, bub," someone hollered from the background. Hoots and jeers followed it. I fired another levin bolt into the wall to silence them... man, this room was getting a collection of scorch marks.

I couldn't help facepalming. "You... don't quite get the scenario, do you," I said. They looked at me, confused. I explained, slowly. "You were already outcasts. Now you are fugitives from the law. All of you. Your home town was leveled, and Celestia and Luna know for whom it was done, and why. They're probably already out looking for you, along with me. If they find you, they'll blame you for what happened and throw you in the nearest dungeon. Your only sanctuary is either in exile, or here with me. You can't barter with me with your freedom because you don't have any."

The light dawned in their faces. Gale Wind's eyes went wide with shock... then she broke down into tears.

"Aww, man-- we've been shafted again!"  Halfsies yelled. He jumped into the air and shot towards the throne, hooves swinging. "You con-artist creep--!"

I caught him in a ball of magic. He hung there in the air, trying to punch and kick me for all he was worth. "No, you little asshat," I said. "I didn't shaft you. I'm just stating the realities of your situation. I told you, I don't take slaves. I'm giving you sanctuary because that was part of the deal Eiderdown made with me-- safety for you all. But if you want a deal with me you're just going to have to barter with something other than your freedom." I set him down. "Nice try by the way. Gutsy. I approve." Intimidated, and a little confused by the compliment, he backed up to rejoin the others.

"Now let's try again. You are exiles. For now. If you stay in the Everfree, I will give you sanctuary and free passage, as part of the deal Eiderdown here made with me.

"But if you serve me... if you become my agents... then you will share in the spoils." I held out my gauntleted hand and clutched it into a fist. " When you leave my service you will carry the wealth of kings on your backs, and noone will dare lay hand, hoof, horn, wing or claw on you."

"He means it," Chrysalis said casually. "If you doubt it, look around you. These diamond dogs? Once starving slaves to a dragon. Those ponies? Prisoners from Celestia's own dungeons. And even though he defeated me, and took mastery of my changelings-- he spared my life, saved me from Sombra's cannibal vines, and set me at his side as his mistress--"

"--We've talked about your choice of words--" I growled in warning.

"-- mistress of sorcery. Ahem." She gave them a slow suggestive wink.

"Rrgh!"

"Be that as it may," Chrysalis said, clearly disappointed, "Those who serve my master, thrive. Those who betray him... suffer." Her eyes flashed green in warning.

"So... cross you and we die. Work for you and we leave rich and powerful?" Welter Weight said.

"In brief, yes."

"All of us?" Gale Wing demanded. "Eiderdown too?" Her eyes were wet and her voice was wobbly. Geez, these ponies could give Charles Dickens pause with their glurge.

"Eiderdown too."

"For how long?" Halfsies asked suspiciously.

"My ambitions are great, my plans... mercurial by necessity," I said. "But let us set the pact at one year. Then, we shall see."

They looked at each other. "We agree," Winky said, cradling Twinkle close. The others voiced their agreement.

As I did with all my petitioners, I had been monitoring them closely... through the tenuous connection I held with my Changeling guards and Chrysalis herself. It wasn't mind reading, but it enabled me to read their emotions, their intent and sincerity. They seem sincere, Chrysalis sent to me, confirming what I sensed.

Agreed. looks like we have ourselves some more pegasi, I replied.

Of what use will they be? Chrysalis wanted to know, genuinely curious.

Chrysalis, these five have been seriously underestimated. I sent back.

A lot of that going around, is there? she said.

Chrysalis, they flew into the heart of a tornado, carrying a live bomb they jerry-rigged from a barrel and some leftover industrial waste. That's the kind of  teamwork crazy improv the A-Team couldn't pull off. I knew she wouldn't get the reference, but I enjoyed using it anyway. With a little makeup or some minor illusions, most of them could pass for normal ponies. They have weather handling know how, and I bet a grab bag of other clever little skills they picked up as "juvenile delinquents" in the system. They're fiercely loyal to each other, to the point of being willing to sell themselves into servitude for each other... and my personal favorite prerequisite, a massive grudge against 'The Man.' We now have an aerial team capable of demolitions, sabotage, and espionage who can work anywhere from Ponyville to Cloudsdale. And all they wanted was a fair shake. If I can't find a place for these guys, and win their devotion doing it, I'm a bigger idiot than that Sundae Sprinkles buttwipe.

And they remind you of a certain somepony, she added with a twist of amusement, that believes he too got shafted by 'The Man...'

I didn't get my winning personality by being my community's favorite son, I sent back. "So be it," I said aloud. "Artful Dodger, get them all settled. Rooms, amenities, so forth. Make sure they are comfortable and fed. You might put Winky and Twinkles in a room near Big Mama's wing... ask Big Mama where she keeps the nappies and other baby needs. Do not," I advised Winky in an aside, "let Big Mama babysit.  

"Arrange the rest as you see fit; try and keep them close together if you can. And your charge--" Eiderdown's wings shivered briefly. "--will share quarters next to your own."

Dodger cocked an eyebrow. "Right. All together, scattered apart, near one wing and situated in another, with completely separate quarters for one that I'll share with 'er. Got it." I growled, he ignored it. "Fine. I'll work summat out. Heart Root, I might need a new tunnel dug. Come on, you lot, let me show you to your luxurious accommydations." He trotted off jauntily, the nervous Broken Birds following close in his wake.  "Don' worry, ducklin,' " I heard him say to Eiderdown. "I got some right luvverly quarters for a pretty bird like you..."

I couldn't help it; I started to chuckle. "Something amuses you?" Chrysalis said, giving me a quizzical look.

I cut off the Voice of Doom and responded to her under my breath. "Artful Dodger and his new playmate," I said. "This is going to be hilarious."

"Not the term I would have used," Chrysalis said with a faint curl of her lip. A whiff of disgust and... disappointment?... came down our connection to me. "You claim to despise slavery, yet you give this filly over to him as a-- a plaything?"

"As a personal servant, and nothing more," I said calmly.

"And we all know how personal that's going to be..." she started to say.

I waved my hand at her and brought my fingertips and thumb together in the 'shut up' gesture. "This is something of a test... or a lesson. Bit of both, actually." I chuckled again. It was too dang funny. "But I got a really, really good guess how this is going to pan out. Didn't you scan him when this went down?"

"I didn't need to," she sneered, crossing her arms. "There's a particular aura to 'sweaty eager teenage male.'"

"You should have paid more attention," I said. Due to the Alicorn Amulet, I had a sort of 'tether' connecting me to every Changeling under my command, including Chrysalis. I'd learned I could get information-- sensory information, feedback, that sort of thing-- through it. And while Chysalis had the empathic powers of one, I had the data feed from dozens of them. It was like being connected to an entire radar or camera array instead of just one: I had way better "resolution" than even Chrysalis did. With all the changeling guards in the room, I'd been able to read Dodger like a book.

"Ever since I took Dodger in and started mentoring him, I've been listening to him brag about how he was going to have himself a whole harem of the prettiest mares bits could buy, once we made our move out into the open," I said. "Hour after hour of typical skinny little teenage Facebook B.S. about how smoooooth he was with the ladies, and how they'd all be eating out of his hoof once he showered a little swag on 'em.

"I paid attention to him, not just his running mouth. Oh he's got swagger, all right, a nice thin layer over top a lot of puberty-laden sweaty eagerness.  But it's all talk. You know how much actual experience with girls he actually has? Zero. Less than zero. He's more virginal than virgin olive oil pressed by a score of vestal virgins in a virgin monastery built on virgin territory in the Virgin Islands.

"Oh, I'm watching him. But you know what I picked up when I handed his new lovely bondservant over to him? Under all that bragging and swagger?

"....Pure, unadulterated terror."

She looked at me. I looked at her.

"Oh this is going to be good--" she said.

"You get the nachos, I'll warm up the monitor room," I replied, getting to my feet.

"Deal!"

Hey, what's the point of being Dr. Evil if you can't enjoy it?

Damned if Chrysalis didn't get back with the nachos just as someone knocked on the monitor room door. "Oh bloody hells, WHAT?" I shouted.

"It Mongo, Dread Lord." Mongo--? Oh, right, the huge 'dog that had tagged around after Winky and Twinkle. He'd apparently taken a shine to them and followed them around like a lost puppy. A really really big, mongoloid lost puppy who could twist watermelons in half with his paws. "Winky, um..." I listened to him pause as his mental gears, rusty even by Diamond Dog standards, ground forward. "Winky want ask you some ting."

Ah, Winky had a question for me. "I told everyone I was not to be disturbed," I said threateningly.

"Mongo can not help it," the diamond dog lamented. "Mongo just pawn in cruel game of life."

I sighed and facepalmed. "Keep the nachos warm," I told Chrysalis.

"Sure, whatever," she said, lounging back in the sofa and snagging a chip.

I got to my feet , slapped on my helmet and went to the door. I stepped out into the main throne room and glowered down-- well, up AND down-- at the hulking diamond dog and the cringing pegasus mare. I toned the volume down when I saw Twinkle still asleep on Winky's back. Babies scream when they get woken up and screaming babies give me a headache.  "What?" I said.

She quivered but stood her ground. "I'm, I'm sorry," she quavered. "But... in all the talking... you didn't say anything about Jetstream."

Oh. Right. Her mate. Loose ends, and all that. This could be trouble, actually. "I will send my agents to try and retrieve him," I said. "But be warned; it may prove... difficult. If they can even find him, it will be difficult to extract him from the clutches of Celestia's military. And with the fall of Hilltop, he will be a... person of interest. They may be watching him. They may even now be taking him into custody, to interrogate him or to use him as bait. I give you my word that I will do all in my power to return him to you, but I may find the task insurmountable---"

The guards at the entrance to the throne room spoke up. "Petitioners for the Dread Lord," one droned. (Pun. He was a changeling.)  Crapballs, it never stopped.

"Enter!"

One of my pony ex-cons came trudging in. "Think we hit the motherlode this time, Boss," he growled in amusement. "Got a couple of soldier boys here who decided the military life wasn't for them." in came four Equestrian soldiers in royal cadet armor, looking jumpy and disgruntled. Pegasus, unicorn, earth pony and a thestral with a slightly tattered wing. They looked half-grown into their armor, half-frozen from the weather outside, and completely pissed off at the world. "The guard thinks they're discipline problems, apparently. Maybe they'll suit your tastes better," the ex-con chuckled.

The thestral apparently elected himself spokespony for the group. He stepped forward, flaring his punctured wing. "Yeah, we're AWOL," he said. "had our fill of it. They got tired of making us scrub latrines in the Great Frozen North, and shipped us down here to scrub latrines here. Some big planned combat engagement--"

"JETSTREAM!" Mongo suddenly found himself holding Twinkle in his massive paws while a feathered missile shot across the room and hit the batpony amidships. they tumbled across the room in a ball.

"W-Winky??" the batpony exclaimed in disbelief.

I regarded the two nuzzling ponies. "Orrrrr I could pull a ridiculous deus ex machina right out of my armored backside," I muttered to noone in particular.

Winky babbled out her and Twinkle's life story to her mate (batpony plus pegasus equals unicorn? Pony genetics are deranged) to a litany of "What?" "They didn't!" "They DID?"... and the big highlight, "...my DAUGHTER?" At which point Mongo handed baby Twinkle back over. Jetstream looked like he was half-euphoric, half-terrified, as he took a happily squealing Twinkle in his arms. What a scene. Laughing, crying, the whole Lifetime Network Special Moment bit. Even his fellow fugitives from military justice were smiling....

Jetstream looked up from smooching his kid. "You got my girl and my baby back," he said. "You gave those buckers a working over and you took my babies in. You got my oath, no matter what else happens." His eyes burned with tears.

I wasn't exactly moved. "Celestia had your oath too," I pointed out.

Jetstream's face twisted into a sneer. "All she got was me reciting a bunch of words to a drill sergeant," he spat. "And she got that much by holding a sword to my neck and demanding it. You didn't. You're getting my loyalty because you earned it." He went back to nuzzling his wife and his foal.

"Fine. Great. Sign him up. Sign them all up." I pointed at the happy couple, who were getting increasingly amorous right in the middle of my throne room floor. "Get them a room. Soundproofed, preferably. Carry on, or whatever." I turned to leave.

"Boss? Er, Sir?" the other three turncoat rookies stared at me. "Um.. we just wanna say--"

"Save it. Talk to Mange, Runt, or Skank, they'll debrief you," I said. "Me-- I got Nachos." I marched out of the room before anyone decided to try and tell me what a noble and good-hearted person I was for all that I'd done, or some other crap like that. I swear this universe bleeds treacle.