“I'm telling you dude,” Eris said as she lifted the heavy tablecloth for William to slip past. “She's not even gonna care.”

“I still don't want to go out there,” he grumbled quietly. “I'd rather we just...”
“What?” she quipped as she stood fully, rubbing her aching back. “Hide under the table until everybody else leaves?”

“You said it, not me,” William replied dryly.

“C'mon, man. It's not that bad. Just... come out and face the world with me. Alright?”

William did not move. Not for the longest time. He could feel his cheeks and neck burning as her stare bored a hole in him. His head dipped lower and lower, pulled to the ground by the invisible grindstone around his shoulders. He couldn't look at her. He tried; he also failed repeatedly. William rubbed his eyes distractedly, wishing that she would say something, anything, the dull roar of the outside crowd suddenly feeling much too quiet, as though the screaming in his head could be heard around the room. He squeezed his wrists together, taking a slow breath, and still she said nothing. He could see a glimpse of her even then, on her haunches with that rhythmic tail swishing back and forth behind her that took too much effort to look away from, the burning in his cheeks worsening because he knew the disgusted, judgmental expression was one that he just could not face right now.

And once again he was wrong, once again her patient silence was only making it all worse.

William let out a long, drawn out exasperated sigh before finally dragging a slow, heavy hoof down his weary face. His eyes ached, his chest hurt, his heart felt like it had been pulled in too many directions and he was so very drained that just the idea of retreating like a bloated spider back underneath the table and curling up into a little ball seemed more appealing than continuing breathing at all.

Eris stared down at him with that doofy, lopsided head and reassuring little smile, eyebrows tilted a little sadly like she knew everything he was thinking. Finally, William reached out; carefully, slowly, tentatively, and took her paw with a tired breath, letting himself be pulled out with surprising gentleness from the shadowy encompassing comfort of the enclosed silence.

“Urgh,” he blurted immediately, shielding his eyes. “My head is pounding.”

“Mine too, dude,” Eris's usual lopsided lazy grin was back.

“Precisely why I am revolted by crying. It gives me terrible headaches.”

“I mean, between that and the booze-”

“Wait what?” he blurted, jerking his head up to her and narrowing his chestnut eyes sharply. “That's what was in the cider? Eris, we can't be drinking!”

“Sure we can,” she flicked out her forked tongue at him, making something unidentifiable stir which he was very quick to ignore. “They wanna give out free drinks, then we're taking 'em. Screw the rules, I have booze.”

William somehow felt much more exposed the longer that he stood out in the open. He could hear it all so clearly now, the clamor of voices, the bass and treble of the far off band over the massive hall, the hustle and bustle of clinking goblets and cheerful camaraderie of the excessively rich or self important bundled in garish herds across the floor. And she was there, of course. He could spot her from a mile away.

He was stricken with a sudden sick, violent repulsion at it all, a grimace clawing its way onto his features as he repressed a stomach wracking shudder.

“... Y'alright, dude?”

“Yes,” William replied instantly before meeting her soft, concerned stare, and a pang of shame spiked through him once again before he cleared his throat. “... No.”

“Will, if you wanna-”

He held up a slightly trembling hoof before drawing in a shaky breath, squeezing his eyelids closed for a few seconds before forcibly prying them back open, matching her look with an empty, lifeless stare.

“Have you seen Miss Lyra anywhere?”

“Can't seem to find her,” Eris tilted back on her heels, one hand placed on the small of her back as she twisted her lips to the side. “She probably doesn't care. You actually think we should go look for her?”

“Would you perhaps mind seeking her out instead?”

Eris opened her mouth to respond before clamping it shut, eyeing him with a knowing look. Her gaze flickered up to where he had been staring and the understanding sparked on her face as she glanced back to him, a single eyebrow slowly raising.

“Uh huh. Just trying to get rid of me that easily, huh?”

“It's not like that Eris-” he started quietly before she cut him off.

“Look... dude, if you wanna go talk to her, we can just go over there.”

“I'd-” he sucked in a breath through his teeth, a heavy, desperate longing to hide behind her instead of doing that, or even just having her there with him, but the thought of it just made the weight in his chest grow heavier. William cleared his throat and turned his downcast eyes to his hooves as if they were the most interesting thing in the room and he refused to look up for the longest time. Eventually he pulled back to her, and Eris was slightly surprised to see that fire in those eyes – and awful, weary, hungry fire, and she had to resist the urge to take a step back, even though she wasn't entirely certain why.

He turned away almost immediately after seeing the uncertainty in her face, staring back at the mare oblivious to their existence only a hop and a skip away. When he did finally gather the strength to look her in the eyes again, he found her searching him; prying, inquisitive, slightly tilted and expectant all at once.

“Please?” he added in a low, nervous tone. “Look, I... I get that maybe you don't really trust me on-on my own right now-”

“Kind of an understatement,” she said only just loudly enough for him to hear, and he pressed on regardless of his burning cheeks.

“But this is... I mean, Eris, this is something that I really need to do by myself.”

“You don't have to do it by yourself,” Eris's brows furrowed and he felt himself scrunch further inward reflexively before something twisted visibly in his eyes. He only stared and stared for what felt like ages.

“Eris,” William stated calmly. “I. Want. To do this. By myself,” he punctuated every syllable carefully, not dropping his head for a moment. “It's... I'm sorry. But if I don't... if I don't do this now, I might never do it. And if I don't, it is going to haunt me, and-and... and I just don't know if I can carry that,” he finished somewhat lamely, unable to meet her questioning, piercing stare any longer. “So please, Eris. Just... please just let me do this on my own.”

“Alright.”

He blinked and glanced up, eyebrows shooting into his bleached mane.

“I – really?” he resisted the urge to rub his aching eyes. “That's... that's it?”

“Yeah dude,” she shrugged and leaned against the heavily decorated table with an abrupt air of casualness about her as she plucked another goblet of cider from the refreshments without even looking away from him, taking a long, comfortable easing of drought. He still noticed the arrhythmically twitching tail though. “All you had to do was say so, broseidon.”

“Because I get the feeling you have something that you want to say,” he had to pull his eyes away from the weirdly attention grabbing tuft at the end of her tail. “If it makes you feel any better, I pinkie promise to behave myself.”

“I know you will, dude,” Eris's shoulders slumped a little despite her lopsided, slightly tired grin. “And if it makes you feel any better, I'm gonna pretend that I won't be lurking around and totally not eavesdropping. Not-not in, like, a jealous way, or anything like that. Just go get 'em, Tigger.”

William began with a snappy retort before clenching his mouth shut. He finally sighed through his nostrils and shook his head, an ever so tiny, wry smile tugging reluctantly at his lips as well.

“... Thank you, Eris.”

“Don't mention it, my dude,” she tossed back the entirety of the remaining cider and swallowed loudly, letting out a strange sound and shivering for a second. “Now quit procrastinating and go before I change my mind and totes drag you with me while we bail this shitshow.”

“Eloquent as always,” he drawled sarcastically as he whirled on the spot and walked away to prevent her from seeing the relieved smile on his face. Any emotion was swiftly drained away, however, as his hooves grew heavier and heavier the closer that he forced himself toward...

Her.

William's throat suddenly felt much, much drier, and he had to physically stop himself from going back to the table with Eris and drinking as much cider as his body could handle to hopefully drown whatever he needed to. He didn't bother indulging in the impulse to look back, either, even if it was just to make sure that Eris wasn't really right behind him the whole time. But he refused. He could not look back. Not anymore.

He swallowed with difficulty and made his way past well dressed mares and stallions with opulent dinner jackets and vibrant matching dresses, thick perfumes and colognes clogging his sense of scent as he marched past with all the fervor and willingness of a man condemned to death row. The shadow of death itself couldn't have been this intimidating. It certainly felt like it to him. Maybe that in itself wouldn't quite be as terrible as the gnawing, painful ache in his chest that refused to leave no matter how hard he tried to quash it down. But he cleared his face regardless as he slowly, steadily approached, wishing that the chattering crowd would just swarm around and block his path so that he could use it as an excuse, a reason to give up on what was obviously a foolhardy and needless venture. Both Eris's and his own words echoed in his head as he drew nearer like a serpent through tall grass, fearful of being stepped on or attacked from any angle and utterly unable to do anything more at this point than press eternally, desperately onward both because of and in spite of his own wishes.

And then, there she was.

Somehow, he knew that he would have to come to this point eventually. He had seen her so many times, but never quite like she was now. Wings at her side in an easygoing stance, her flowing dress ever so gently scraping the floor without quite touching it. He was so used to seeing her look as she normally did that he never even entertained the thought of her appearing different for any occasions, and felt foolish for it. But he usually did whenever he got too close. The pang in his banging heart was almost loud enough to cover up the sound of the swaying music, the milling crowd, the fear. Just not quite enough. And William regretted ever walking up to her as she realized his presence, eyes widening ever so slightly as a little smile graced her lips, and the regret only continued to compound and build the longer that he stood like a wooden stump. He didn't speak, either; he only looked at her, took in the sight of her slightly pinned up mane that both seemed as though hardly had any effort put in and still spoke of elegance, the surprise easing right into recognition and welcome, the undercurrent of both curiosity and stifled worry as he approached all seemed such a monumental mountain that all he could manage to do was cast his eyes upward and wonder just how any such task could be approached without the terrible dread like he felt then.

She was even so kind as to spare him from speaking first, because at that moment he knew it must have been blatant that he couldn't get his tongue to work properly. He could have reached out and touched her, and the welling fear only grew from the realization. She didn't look at him any differently than she ever had. Perhaps that made it even worse.

“Are you alright?” her crisp voice seemed to yank him back out of the sludgy reverie clinging to his mind, and finally, after an eternity of standing frozen in place, he at long last managed to drag out the spiked ball in his chest.

“If I might have just a moment of your time,” William began ever so gingerly, his voice no louder than hers. “I... need to apologize, Miss Fluttershy.”

“Applejack,” Fluttershy turned slightly to the interested looking mare. “Um, do you mind if-?”
“Don't even need to ask,” she responded without hesitation, glancing casually to William for a moment. “Guess ya got an invite too, huh?” when William did not respond she simply shook her head once before turning back to the pegasus. “Who knows, maybe everypony actually will show up after all. I'm gonna go hit up those fancy fellas with appetites and big wallets,” Applejack added with a grin.

“Thank you,” Fluttershy bowed her head meekly.

“Take your time,” she drawled without looking back, the clopping of her hooves swiftly buried amongst the crowd as she left. William was half tempted to call out to her and ask for assistance and was promptly stricken with a deep repulsion. He sucked in a breath through his teeth and dryly swallowed as he faced her. The uncertainty alone was almost enough to turn him away.

“... Are you doing okay there?” Fluttershy asked quietly.

“Yes ma'am,” he responded in an equally low tone, unable to quite meet her gaze. “Thank you for asking.”

How was he supposed to do this? What was he supposed to say?

Can I even say?

“I'm pretty awkward at big parties like these,” Fluttershy admitted after a moment. “My goodness, all of these ponies I don't know and I feel so out of place. It's very nerve wracking,” she pulled at her dress and looked around. “Um, to-to some ponies, I mean.”

“I understand,” William nodded once. “I'm not particularly fond of crowds myself.”

The terse silence between the two resumed; or at least, it felt tense to him. He studied her features to see if she felt the same, and it didn't take much to recognize her discomfort.

Say something.

“So,” he cleared his throat uneasily. “C-come here often?”

Say something that's not stupid.

“On occasion,” Fluttershy smiled a little. “Princess Celestia seems pretty fond of parties, I think. Although it does seem a little, um, tense with the foreign dignitaries.” She craned her neck up to peer over at the tightly knit crowd of cloaked griffons. He followed her stare and inspected the winged ones, a prickle of unease rippling a little before he attempted to quash it. None of them seemed to be talking either, simply watching the mingling ponies with steely, sharp gazes.

“I sure hope that they manage to loosen up a little,” Fluttershy turned carefully back to him. “It must be awfully difficult for those poor fellows, meeting everypony here. Facing things like that can be awfully scary.”

“Agreed,” he nodded again. “Would you like to go convince them to join the party?”

“Oh goodness no,” she shivered, eyes widening. “I can hardly be dragged to a crowd myself, I can't imagine making them mingle if they don't want to. It seems very impolite. Really, it feels kinder to allow them time to adjust. Maybe if they get to know that ponies aren't scary at all, they won't be so afraid that they all bunch together, and then we can all be friends...” Fluttershy mumbled toward the end and hung her head a bit sheepishly. “What about you, then?” her look softened a bit to him, “Is there anypony here that you'd like to make friends with, William?”

“My name is-” he started before closing his mouth and blinking. “No. I mean, er, well. Yes. I mean,” William struggled against the heat creeping into his cheeks. He blew out a sigh and shook his head. “Actually, yes. It's just... a lot harder than it looks.”

“I know,” she nodded with an understanding smile. “I really do wish that I could help to make it a bit easier.”

William only stared at her for what felt like an eternity. He finally shook his head, an almost unnoticeable, weak grin working its way onto his face.

“But of course you do,” he gave a half chuckle. “You would.”

“Yes?” Fluttershy blinked in slight confusion.

“I'm-” William managed at long last. “I wanted to apologize, Miss Fluttershy. I-I, well. I...” the remorseful pang in his heart was back with a vengeance and the lump in his throat made it difficult to breathe, let alone speak. “I'm... I'm sorry.”

“All is forgiven.”

Once more, he felt incredibly stupid for only having the capacity to stare.

“You don't even know what I did,” William was a little put off by the weirdly angry spike in his chest, which was quick to fade the longer she gave him that look. That look, the one that he could not define no matter how hard he tried, like she was looking right into his soul and didn't loathe him.

“I know I don't,” she continued kindly. “I forgive you anyway. And I'd still forgive you even if I did know.”

William felt like he had just been sucker punched.

… She truly would.

A new, hot fresh tide burned at his eyes and he fought to hold back a sudden flood, disgusted at his own weakness. William dipped his head away and strained to keep it at bay, desperately hoping that she didn't see the sudden shiver that rippled across him like a stone dropped in a pond. And he had just started to pull it together.

“I-” he wanted to look her in the eyes, he wanted to see her, he wanted to tell her. But it hurt. “I k- I mean, before, I-I, I kil-”

“It's okay.” William's heart stopped mid beat at the wingtip on his shoulder.

“It's not,” he said quietly. “What I did, I-”

“Are obviously very regretful for,” Fluttershy added. “Did you learn anything from it?”

“Far more than I wanted to.”

“But it's good that you still learned...” that horrible, painful kindness in her eyes was enough to crack him. “It's okay to make mistakes. Just make sure to learn from them, so that you don't make the same mistake again, and I really believe that everything will be alright.”

There again was that revolting compulsion to actually hug someone. It was getting harder and harder to suppress.

“... I'll try,” he simply could not bear to look at her any longer, turning to the floor and closing his eyes. “I pinkie promise.”

“That's really all anypony can ask for,” she nudged him limply. “Thank you.”

“Why are you thanking me?” William coughed back the sudden urge to laugh incredulously, his sputtering increasing twofold. “I – thank you, Miss Fluttershy. I'm so-”

“You know that you and Eris are always welcome over for tea, right?” Fluttershy continued as if he weren't vigorously rubbing back thoroughly hated tears. “I know that Discord has been awfully busy with, um, Discord things, but it would be really nice if we all got together.”

“It sounds lovely,” he muttered truthfully as he shook his head, forcing his hooves to the ground to stop rubbing his eyes. When he turned up to her once more he showed no expression whatsoever, like a blank canvas, and he drew in a wavering breath once more, words that he wanted to profess refusing to come as simply as he wanted them to. She was being so casual, so calm about it all that it was throwing him off far more than he expected. But in the end, he found significantly more than a bit of gratitude towards her. He attempted to apologize again if only to break the silence but was halted midway when Fluttershy loudly cleared her throat.

“Um,” she bit her bottom lip, worriedly glancing over William and drawing his gaze. “I really don't mean to be rude, William, but I think your sister is trying to get your attention.”

“Don't worry, she'll go away if you ignore her,” William stated dryly before adding “Hopefully.”

“Is that a dance?”

“I'm not turning around,” he said firmly and sighed. No doubt was in his mind that Eris would want details. Maybe without the weight on his shoulders it would be just a bit easier. Then he quickly stamped that thought.

“I can't tell if she's distressed or excited...” she added after a few seconds. She tried to keep staring at Eris but William only reached out and grasped her by the face and softly but firmly forced her gaze back down to him, though she kept awkwardly peeking up. William did not know what she was doing behind his back, and he was equal parts disgruntled and reluctant to find out. “Should I...?”

“We were finally getting somewhere, I am quite serious about this Miss Fluttershy if you cave in she will never stop. Take it from me.”

“If you say so, but, I mean, she looks very-” Fluttershy started before sucking in a shocked gasp; her eyes widened and her jaw dropped, her cheeks further blossomed in color so much that William almost couldn't tell where his hooves were on her face anymore. “O-oh! Oh my word no, those are some very impolite gestures!”

He could hear a ticking of a silent clock coming from somewhere.

And from nowhere, he could hear the falling sands of time.

Yet another one, and another after that. With the right know how, they fell easily. He made sure to hide this one properly, stuffing the legs close to the body and using a flick of magic to lock the door behind him before slipping into the darkness that drew him deeper down the corridor.

This time, he was prepared.

He could hear them even now, the sweat dripping from his palms and down the handle he so tightly gripped, hardly daring to breathe as he crept like a thief in the night.

“Yea,” the boy that wasn't whispered softly, not bothering to brush the locks of slightly sooty hair from his eyes as another torch was snuffed silently out. “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil.”

BUT THEY WILL.