It's been five hours since the three of us left Canterlot, and I finally decide that I don't need to go back there ever again. Now that that's done with, though, I need some time to find out what the fuck's going on. Already, my whole adventure has taken a nosedive spiral into chaos, and I lost my way somewhere along the road. God, Why can't anything be simple? Well, there's no use complaining about it now. I'm free, I purged some controlling demon from my head, and I freed a giant demon. Honestly, I can't ask for a better way to end the day, except maybe if I didn't have a headache.

"So, Mal? I have a question." Kinua suddenly asks, startling me.

"Hm? Oh, yeah? What is it?" I reply, unaware of what she's going to ask. I mean, it can't be too heavy, what's she gonna do, ask to move in with me?

"So... can I move in with for a while?" Kinua timidly asks, and though my body keeps moving, my mind freezes up faster than a 30-year old compu... wait, I already used that analogy. Shit.

"Um... what?" I blankly ask, staring in surprise at the little pooka beside me, who gives me a bored stare in return.

"I. Want. To. Be. A. Part. Of. Your. Group. Do I have to spell it out for you?" Kinua explains snarkily, causing my head to speed up slightly, and a surge of feelings rush into it, almost making my poor brain freeze up again. I could use the help around the cave... But I'm not happy with her attitude. But... I guess it couldn't hurt, could it? Unless she's a spy sent by Virgil, of course. But those two seemed to hate each other for some reason. Why? I don't know, and I doubt either of them will tell me. Well, that's going to keep me up at night. Still, at least it crosses her out as a spy.

"Eh... fine. Whatever, the more the merrier, I guess." I say, still moving forward. So, I'm walking forward, wondering why this whole 'capture-and-release' cycle is going on with me, and finally deciding to simply avoid it, When Gondon stops, sniffing the air with a curious expression on his face, causing both me and Kinua to stop and stare at him. Then, before I can ask him what's going on, he glares behind us, growling like a feral beast of some kind.

"Woah, woah, what's wrong, big guy?" I ask, and Gondon quickly turns to me, an angry expression on his face.

"I smell magic and betrayal... but not from there." Gondon replies, pointing toward Canterlot. Then, without warning, the massive demon turns toward the general direction of the cave, and points to it with his great, meaty claws, Confusing Kinua, but unnerving me. "It wafts from there. It smells... strong." Gondon says, and I then get that familiar cold chill down my spine again. God, this is going to end disastrously, isn't it?

"... Well, it probably isn't going to get any fainter, judging by MY luck. Let's roll." I growl, really not wanting to put up with this today. Really, I don't know why things are happening like they are, maybe god finally got fed up with my shenanigans. So... we continue. along the way, which was a pretty long walk in itself, by the way, I finally wise up and think of a way to get there faster.

"Kinua, your kind can turn into stuff, right?" I ask, hopeful that she can turn into something bigger than a horse.

"Not in direct sunlight. In fact, pooka usually die in the sunlight." Kinua says annoyingly, but before I can rage about her current uselessness, I stop at the memory of what she just said. 'Pooka die in sunlight'? Then what the fuck is she doing out here, and why isn't she burning up like an ant under a magnifying glass?! It's fucking sweltering out here today!

"Pooka die in sunlight? Then why are you walking in such adverse conditions for your kind with minimal effect?" Gondon asks first, beating me by seconds. Nonetheless, Kinua answers, albeit a tad solemnly.

"Well... it's an awkward story. See, I'm not completely pooka, I'm actually 1/10th pony... I don't wanna go into it." Kinua says, and both me and Gondon just stop and stare at her with blank expressions. "... What?" Kinua finally asks after looking at the both of us curiously.

"... Kinua, why the fuck do you have to be the most cliche' character I have ever met?" I finally ask as calmly as possible, feeling my blood pressure slowly raise past breaking point, not because she's SO DAMNED CLICHE' (seriously, dark and brooding 9/10th demon-thing, short, short-tempered, and probably over 9000 years old, despite looking 14!? Are you serious right now, God!?), but because she decided to bring it up NOW of all times... though the cliche' doesn't help her, either. Either way, she then looks at me with a surprised expression on her equine face, and expresses her confusion as intelligently as possible:

"Uh... what?" She asks, inciting immediate response from me.

"You're seriously part pony? Seriously!? Why... you know what, forget it. I'm done." I finally say, turning around and continuing my long-ass walk. I probably need it, anyway.

"Mal..? Uh, this doesn't change anything, does it?" Kinua asks cautiously, and I finally sigh after a hesitant while, and reply:

"Nah, it doesn't change anything. God knows I've made weirder allies." I say, and a look of relief washes over Kinua, and after some hesitation, I press on. "Although, I kind of want to know something: Is the fact that you're 1/10th freak of nature the reason Virgil doesn't like you?" I ask, and Kinua, having turned to walk forward, suddenly stops, and her hairs practically stand on end. Crap, I struck a nerve, didn't I? Nonetheless, Kinua does nothing for a while, but soon relaxes significantly (but not completely), and walks, still not facing me.

"... Yeah. Like I said, I don't talk about it." Kinua says, but I feel that she does. Her posture seems tense, like she's ready for something, and her speech is spaced out, a clear sign of a liar. So, feeling that the responsibility of taking the initiative fell to me, I went ahead and pressed the question.

"Do you... want to talk about it?" I ask slowly, careful not to trip any conversational landmines, While Gondon looked on in mild interest at my admittedly fleeting speechcraft skills in action.

"No." Kinua responded quickly, but I, like the social genius I am, pressed on anyway.

"Come on, it'll make you feel better."

"I feel fine. Now stop talking."

" Please? you're not helping yourself by keeping it inside."

"Actually, I am. Now shut up, before I break your teeth."

"As your new boss, I command you to spill your beans, minion!"

"As your 'minion', with all due respect, fuck off and die." Kinua finally retorts, attempting to end the conversation right there. Unfortunately, I'm having none of that shit.

"Hey!" I retort, and Kerrie sighs, rephrasing her previous sentence.

"I'm sorry... I mean: 'Fuck off and die, sir'." Kinua smartly retorts, and I feel my pimp hand twitch in agonized restraint. But, I remain calm, and refrain from slapping the impudent pooka.

"Fine. I don't care anymore." I say, aggravated beyond reason by the annoying pooka.

"Good." Kinua replies as she walks onward, and it takes all my willpower to not have Gondon fuck her up and leave her for dead. God, I hate her so much. But, nonetheless, I endured.

So, we walked some more, unable to do much else. I'd take the train, but the devils destroyed it for some reason, as was their way. Alas, it was all I could do to not have Gondon carry me. After all, he'd been walking the whole time we were, and unlike me and Kinua, he didn't even look winded. Still, I was better than that. Also, my legs could use the exercise. Man, was THIS gonna be a long day.

Meanwhile, at the cave, from Kherrie's point of view...

So, here I am, waiting for Mal... again. What, with Mizzy getting restless and half the inner circle talking about going rouge, including Otsuna, it was all I could do not to pull my own hair out. Seriously, Mal gets kidnapped WAAAAY too often. Like, every other day kind of often, and it's getting old. Still, I have faith in him. But, it seems that at least half the others have given up on him. Well, I guess we know where loyalties lie when uncertainty rears its ugly head... ourselves. Mortals are so stupid. Not Mal, though... he's just a bit more than just a mortal.

"Egh... Mal, you are the weirdest..." I say quietly to myself, when I hear giant footsteps from behind me, and a familiar presence.

"Hello, Goddess Kherrie. I trust that you are well?" Hezafen says, his deep, oddly chiming voice ringing in my head long after he stops talking.

"Oh, hello, Hezafen. What are you doing out here? Shouldn't you be guarding the cave entrance?" I ask, and Hezafen lets out a small groaning noise, but seems to not have heard me otherwise.

"The cave mouth is safe enough. However, I fear that events grow restless within. I have overheard that the one called Stargazer wishes to dispose of you and Mizzietta, since you will not comply to his rule." Hezafen says, but I sigh in response, having already known that.

"I know, Hezafen. Is that all you came to tell me?" I ask.

"No. I have come to ask you if you are prepared for this. I detect a high probability of revolt within the next fifteen hours, and wish to know if you are prepared to face the challenges that may appear. You may be a higher-planed elemental being, but you will face not only an experienced magic user, but also a sniper, a demon, and even your best friend... I am, for once, unsure of the outcome of this fight, even with me supporting you. Hezafen says, and I feel a chill run up my spine. I know that the fight's gonna happen, but when the walking calculator is unsure of who's going to win, I don't know how to feel about that. Plus, Otsuna was my friend for a long time. To think I'd have to fight her eventually... I don't know what to think. Thinking's hard, anyway. Still, it's an unsettling thought, nonetheless. If only Effie were here, or anyone, really. But they're not. But still, I have Mal, even if he's not here right now. Truth is, I kind of look up to him. He gets shit done, even when everything's against him. Hell, I've never even seen him act scared or cry the entire time I've known him, even when he defended me from Kragda-Maul... except when I pulled that prank on him. In a way, he's kinda like a big brother to me, maybe more. either way, though it may sound horribly cliche', I still want to be like him. I want to be strong like him, brave like him, and maybe as charismatic, too. Seriously, the dude gets another potential girlfriend every other day. If I could get followers like he could, or defend myself like he can, I wouldn't even be as powerless as I am now. However, If I'm gonna be as strong as him, I have to start acting strong.

"... It's fine. I'm prepared for the worst. What about everyone else? Have they been warned?"

"They know. However, I do not think they understand the full scale of what is to occur. I fear powers beyond the current ruling body of Equestria are at work." Hezafen says, and without another word, he turns away, and tromps off before I can ask what the hell he's blabbering about. Forces? What is that supposed to mean? Could he mean other old gods? Ugh, robots, them and their big words. For the life of me, why people wanted to create such pointless things is beyond me. However, if he's right, then I've got to be ready for anything. Mizzy may be in charge while Mal's gone, but Mal saved me for a reason, and I intend to live up to it. Heh, it's kinda funny, really, that I, an old goddess, would look up to a mortal like Malideus. Still, I can't get much done rambling to myself. So, without another thought, I go back to tending my forest, quite pleased with how it's growing, all thanks to Malideus... Hmm. I wonder how he's doing now...

Well, this is great. Just wonderful. Malideus goes missing, and Stargazer chooses NOW of all times to go crazy. Now, without even a warning beforehand, I'm sucked into a great schism without a thought of what just happened. Seriously; one minute, the guy's fine, charting stars, like normal. Next minute, he's ranting about how inefficient Malideus is, and he drags me (unwillingly) along in his little unprovoked vendetta, seeing as I know more about Malideus than he does. By the way, did you know that Malideus isn't really a pony? Or really anything from this world, from what I've heard, but I haven't told anyone yet... mostly because I'm afraid he'll kill me if he knows that I found out.

Either way, side story aside, shit happened, and now I'm stuck on the side of this 'war' that I know is going to lose. How, you ask? Well, we may have a demon, but they have a glass golem, who's pretty much indestructible and terrifying despite the name. Also, Malideus is a freaking super sorcerer, who killed, like, a bajillion people in one day. The best we have is that sniper mare, but even so, Stargazer is outgunned, outnumbered, and out of his mind. Tartarus below, it'd take the work of a god to help him even stand a chance against Malideus, or his forces. Ugh... Sometimes I just hate my life. But, before I can finish my lament, Stargazer arrives again, looking pretty fucking pissed, probably because he, just like I warned, got told off by Mizzietta. I did tell him, you know, but he just smacked my head and told me to shut up. Seriously, this guy used to be really cool until now. What happened to him?

Well... I guess there's no use pondering it. So, hoping not to get hit again, I try to slink out of the room as Stargazer stomps around, but he catches me, and puts me to the chopping block once again.

"FlitterFeather! Come here." Stargazer growls, and I reluctantly obey, not like I have a choice.

"Y-yes, sir?" I stammer, afraid of what this psychopath might want.

"Get the others. We're starting this coup de 'tat, right now." Stargazer demands, facing away from me ominously, but still radiating an aura of menace. Reluctantly, I then gulp, nod, and run off to gather the other three that joined him. Why? I don't know, they probably got sick of Malideus for some reason too, but I highly doubt that. I think that they're honestly just as scared of Stargazer as I am... Maybe less so, though. Finally, I reach my first cohort, Xenia, up on top of the cave, staring intently at her scope, which wasn't unusual, except that she actually seemed intent on tracking something instead of killing it, which was a definite first for her in my book. Still, I had a job to do, so I reached for her shoulder to shake it. Before I could even touch it, though, she grabbed my claw, startling me, and I couldn't even cry out before she pulled me close, clearly pissed at my attempt to break her concentration.

"Bird, you'd better have a good reason for trying to touch me while I'm tracking soon, or I'm breaking your arm." Xenia finally hisses, evoking a gulp from me, and a stammered response:

"Eh... Stargazer, he... uh... he wanted me to get the... the others... we're kinda starting soon..." I manage to get out of my beak, but Xenia just bares her unusually sharp teeth, and growls, looking intently at the horizon.

"Tell him we may have to change the plan. I found Malideus, and he's bringing serious heat with him." Xenia hastily says, finally pulling her eye from her gun's scope. Oh boy, this was what I was afraid of. So, despite my obvious fear of the answer I was about to receive, I press the question:

"Uh... what... kind of h-heat..?" I stammer, now terrified of the impending answer.

"That bastard's got a gluttony demon with him... and it's a big fucker. Stargazer needs to know about this, we can't tango with that kind of firepower, even at our current strength. Go down and tell him, I'll track the wizard." Xenia says, obviously hesitant to shoot Malideus. Hell, I'd be, too, if my target was being escorted by a demon the size of a shack. Goodness, I can see the thing from here!

"Eh... you want ME to tell him... like, now?" I ask shakily, and Xenia rolls her mismatched eyes, and lets out a loud groan of annoyance.

"Yes, NOW! Believe it or not, I don't want to shoot at Malideus yet, lest he actually be immune to bullets or something. Unlike most of these twits, I value my life over my job... more or less... Just go and tell Stargazer, moron." Xenia says, waving me off, and I finally go down to talk with him, though I do so indignantly. I'm actually pretty tired of being bossed around; it's the whole reason I joined up with Malideus in the first place; at least he didn't push me around like everyone else. Now, though, I'm practically forced to do everything for these guys on threat of pain of death... or worse. But, before I can think further on my situation, I'm soon face-to-face with Stargazer, and he doesn't look happy to see me.

"... What are you staring at, egghead?" Stargazer snaps, and I muster all my might to prevent myself from saying 'nothing' and walking away.

"It's... Xenia, sir... she..." I stammer, but Stargazer quickly gets fed up with my slow stutter, and rushes the conversation forward.

"Well? What about Xenia? Is everyone ready or not?" Stargazer asks, and I break out in a visible sweat, but continue, obligated on my life to finish the sentence.

"Uh... No, sir, it's..."

"Then what are you bothering me about!?" Stargazer interrupts loudly, and in a blind flash of adrenaline, I spill the rest of my guts.

"Malideus is on his way here with a demon!..." I blurt out, and I quickly cover my beak in shame, fearing for my life for some reason. I don't know why, but this guy gives off some terrifying vibes, worse than Malideus. But, after a few seconds of silence, Stargazer still does nothing, except narrow his eyes, and utter a single question:

"What?" Stargazer says, looking angry and confused. I then gulp, and repeat myself, despite my obvious fears.

"Malideus... has been spotted by Xenia... He's on his way here right now... with a demon..." I slowly explain, and Stargazer's expression quickly changes from one of mild anger to one of sheer rage and bewilderment as his eyes widen, and pupils shrink.

"WHAT!? He's supposed to have been captured! It usually takes DAYS for him to get free! And where in the depths of Tartarus did he get a demon!?" Stargazer asks frantically, and I jump back, startled.

"Um, sir... maybe we should stop this before it turns deadly..?" I suggest, but Stargazer was having none of it in his wild, flying rage.

"No... no, this just means we have to start right now, like I said. You stall Malideus, I'm getting the others. Like I planned, we'll take everyone hostage, and use them as meat shields between us and him. Now go, before I throw you there!" Stargazer suddenly shouts, and in a panic, I sprint toward the exit, and make my way to where Malideus, my former boss, was supposedly arriving from...

Ugh... I think I'm going to throw up from all this stress...

Back to our 'hero', Malideus.

This trail going from Canterlot to Malideopolis always goes on forever. Why the hell did I have the devils scrap the train, again? In my whole history of dumb moves I've made, including slapping Twilight the first time, that was possibly the dumbest. In fact, I have done a lot of dumb things during my crusade here, and I have yet to finish Celestia off once and for all... alas, I find myself unable to each time, or I completely forget to. Damn it, I need to re-think my process. Starters, what am I doing wrong? I'm feared, but I'm also a target for a lot of people. I just hope Discord doesn't pop up in the middle of this... I really don't need the confusion, lest I go back to murdering innocents.

"But wasn't that your thing? Murdering until you riled up Celestia enough to go after you?" My inner voice asks, almost mockingly.

"Yeah... it was for a while. But what's the point? These ponies aren't going to change, like you said. They'll keep holding to their ideals of friendship and barf-tastic cutesy-wootseyness until they go extinct... It's kind of depressing, really." I reply mentally, and my inner voice seems to think this over, mulling over his response like a scientist over an undiscovered bacteria of some kind. Finally, it responds:

"Then maybe you should change their ideas in a... less violent way." My inner voice says, and, despite the hinted malice in its tone, I divert my full attention to it anyway.

"Go on..." I mutter in my head, and the response is near-immediate.

"If Celestia is the highest power in the land, then all you need to do is change HER, that way you can get what you want, and no-one else needs to die. My inner voice declares, but I quickly retort with opposition.

"That's dumb. I've been trying to do that since I got here, remember?" I ask, but My inner voice quickly interrupts me, and charges with his own reasoning:

"Ah, but you've been going about it the wrong way! Remember, these ponies are just like humans, but with an altered belief system. Still, as they are just like you, so are their instincts: When their existence or ideas are forcibly threatened, they just back further into the metaphorical corner until the threat goes away. However, "if you simply change their main thought process in an undetectable manner, they'll all go for it, no matter what the idea is. The churches on Earth have done this countless times, undermining the government with its promises of salvation. In short, all you got to do is change Celestia and Luna's minds, and the whole country is yours." My inner voice explains, and even though it goes against my original plan, it actually sounds like it might work... so, why not? Let's give peace and love a shot.

"... Egh, I was tired of slaughtering cattle, anyway. Time to get religious on these assholes!... But what religion should I follow..." I mentally question, and I look to the sun almost subconsciously, as if beseeching it's gross incandescence for an answer to my plight.

"You don't need an actual religion, dumbass! You just need to change their minds! Religion has killed more people than disease, famine, and you combined!" My inner voice chides, and I (reluctantly) acknowledge its authority.

"Uh.... Oh, you're right, like always. Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em..." I say quietly enough so even Kinua doesn't hear me, as I mindlessly flip through the Oghma Infinium without a goal in mind. However, fate seems to favor me this day, for as soon as I stop flipping, the book presents me with a most interesting spell: Possession, a spell that allows a mortal being to enter a host's mind and control them completely. Indeed, as I read it, I realize that I need not give my ideals up to change their mind, as I can just do that manually... with three words.

"... Or... You could just do it yourself." I mutter quietly, and my inner voice flies into a panic, flustered in it's attempts to dissuade me from this admittedly brash course of action.

"Don't be serious about this! That's just wrong, taking over another persons' mind!" My inner voice chides, but I quickly strike back with my own reasoning:

"Yeah, but this is what the church basically does every day, to everyone. And didn't you say to take the religious approach?" I ask mentally, and my inner voice flies into a rage, counteracting my logic.

"No, I said take the SUBTLE approach! Nothing about this is subtle, it's just messed up and evil!" My inner voice rages at me, but a merely waive it off, disinterested in it's logic, just like the real church!

"Remember who's head you're in, man. You may not like it, but this is the quickest, easiest way to get my way without so much death. Don't worry, I'll just get in Celestia's head, muddle some laws around, then, I'll replace "her with myself once they see me as the lesser evil. And when it's all done and over with, none of those glorified cows will be any the wiser that they got duped, trust me." I reason, and my inner voice stalls in the face of my infallible logic, but does not surrender.

"And what of Luna, then? You can only possess one person at a time, and Luna will sure as hell rat you out before you get a chance to shut her up!" My inner voice cries, and I begin to see that he's right. I need a willing cohort if I'm to pull this off, someone to rule by my side, unfortunately, until I can safely dispose of the two princesses. Thankfully, though, I've got a whole cave full of willing-

"*Pweew!*"

As soon as I try to finish my thought, I hear a sharp whistle, like that of a bullet, go right beside my head and hit the dirt behind me. This causes me to jump, and it seems the other two have heard it, too. Before I can regain my bearings, another whistle goes past my head, then another, and another. Then, in the brief pause after, I get up, and look around for the source of the attempted assassination.

"What the..!? What the hell was that!?" I cry, and I see Kinua straining her eyes in one direction, while Gondon simply picked what appeared to be an oddly-shaped nail off the ground, sniffing it, and then nibbling on it like a giant, horribly-mutated mouse. However, I don't get the opportunity to tell him to spit it out before another invisible projectile speeds by my body, and Kinua finally locks onto some trees in the distance.

"Over there! I see someone in the trees!" Kinua shouts, pointing, and I look over there, too, though I see no-one.

"Kinua, what do your pooka eyes see?" I ask hastily, and Kinua strains to look, and opens her mouth to answer, when a projectile flies right through her eye, causing her to scream out and cover it. Kinua then falls to the ground, still holding her eye, but still alive, judging by her heavy breathing.

"Shit!!! Gondon, cover Kinua! I'm rushing that fucker!" I say, activating a heavy shield spell over my unarmored parts, When Gondon gets up, staring at one particular tree, and replies:

"Not necessary, sir." Gondon retorts in his drawling, deep voice, and he then opens his mouth, ignoring the strange invisible projectiles futilely bouncing off of his fatty hide. Then, as the pause begins, Gondon unhinges his jaw like a demented snake, and his throat starts to vibrate, then glow, and then... well, a friggin' LASER shoots out of it, right into the trunk of the tree he was staring at, cutting right through it and everything else behind it! What the fuck was that, and why didn't he use it to escape his cage!? Before I can ask the colossal demon this, however, I hear a distant scream as the tree falls, and he slowly closes his mouth, leaving me and Kinua to stare as he sits back down, munching on a discarded branch.

"Alright, now you can go." Gondon says slowly, and my magic shield dissipates as I stare at him for a second more, then I regain my bearings and remember the fucking sniper.

"Uh... right, Gondon, protect Kinua. I'll... uh, see if there's anything left of the sniper to destroy, I guess." I quickly say, and Gondon gives me a brief thumbs-up as he sits there, and I run off toward the tree he downed, eager to meet this cheap cumbucket face-to-face. Finally, after a quick sprint, I reach the edge of the forest, where the tree was. As soon as I reach it, though, I hear no noise, not even a shuffle, leaving me with two options: Either the sniper escaped somehow, or Gondon hit them with... whatever that was he just did. Still, either way, that just means that I don't get to beat them into a sniveling pulp with my own fists, and it leaves me angrier than when the bastard shot Kinua. I don't care for her, mind you, but she's an ally, and I tend to have a sentimental attachment to my allies, even the bitchy ones like her. Suddenly, interrupting my thoughts, I hear a brief, definitely feminine groan from beneath some foliage on the felled tree, and I waste no time tearing off the branches as soon as it stops, my vision slowly turning red with bloodlust as I pull away the branches, one by one. Suddenly, though, as I'm just about to tear off the last branch, I hear a familiar gasp behind me, and I immediately turn, staff ready, to dispatch the intruder... until I see that it's just Flitterfeather, claws up in a gesture of surrender. Then, immediately, with my anger turned into confusion, I lower my staff, and just stare at him, almost dazed-like.

"Flitterfeather..? What the hell are you doing out here?" I ask cautiously, searching his behavior for anything unusual. For all I know, he could just be another changeling.

"Oh... Hey, boss? Lovely weather, huh?" Flitterfeather asks timidly, and I instantly grasp that he's hiding something... but when isn't he? That in mind, I just ignore it and move on.

"Riiiight... Well, aside from the raining bullets that almost killed my newest recruit, I'd say the weather IS pretty nice. Now piss off, I have a sniper to dismember." I say nonchalantly, and I reach for another branch. However, I'm almost instantly stopped by Flitterfeather as he tries to get me off the case.

"Wait!... Uh, you shouldn't be just lifting trees, you don't know what's under there!" Flitterfeather cries out, and now I'm definitely sure he's hiding something, and it's pretty unusual for him. But still, I give him a sideways glance, and humor him:

"Um, yes I do; it's a fucking sniper, like I said. Now piss off, before I dismember YOU for treason." I retort flatly, and I reach for the branch again, when I'm, of course, stopped by Flitterfeather.

"Eh, Wait, sir! I don't think you should lift that!" He interrupts. I reply with a blank stare.

"... And why not?" I ask disinterestedly.

"Ehm... Because... Because there might be snakes under there! Venomous ones!" Flitterfeather reasons futilely.

"... Snakes." I half-ask.

"Yep." He replies nervously, shaking his head.

"Last I checked, Flitterfeather, snakes don't moan." I retort, wanting desperately for this conversation to end. This seemed to stop Flitterfeather for a while, but he quickly thought up another excuse, edging me into blind rage.

"W-well, they could if they..."

"Flitterfeather, if you finish that sentence, I swear to Solaire, I'll tear your heart out and eat it. Understand?" I say, and Flitterfeather seems cowed by this, and nods, slinking away suspiciously. However, he does not escape before I reveal the assailant by diving into the brush, and after a brief struggle, pulling them out, revealing...

"X-Xenia...!?" I cry out, utterly shocked by this twist of events. Xenia? The sniper? What is this I don't even...

"I... should probably... just..." Flitterfeather tries, but I point a righteous finger at him, causing him to freeze in place, though I used no magic.

"STAY." I command, and Flitterfeather obeys, and Xenia groans, her mix-matched eyes fluttering open, dazed, and they soon fix on me, fathomless fear in them, and she utters only two words:

"Well, shit..." Xenia mutters, and I feel something almost snap in me, like I'm about to black out again. But, I restrain myself, and resort to my second-favorite pastime to destroying: interrogating.

"Shit, indeed, Xenia. You two just fucked up in the worst possible way, my friends. Flitterfeather, come with me." I command, and Flitterfeather starts shaking like a leaf, sweat falling off of him like rain.

"D-do I... *gulp*... H-have t-to?" He asks, and I quickly grab his throat, dragging him off with Xenia.

"Yes. I want answers, and you two, willing or not, are going to give them to me. With any god-given luck, you can convince me that this was a misunderstanding." I threaten coldly, and I proceed to drag the two chucklefucks by their scrawny throats back to Gondon and Kinua. I swear to whatever god (or goddess) that is responsible for this fuck-up: I will hunt you down, and tear your throats out through your anus, you hear me!? THROUGH YOUR ANUS!!!

Author's Notes:

So, so sorry for last chapter! Listen, I know a lot of you are disappointed in me, but I promise, this chapter marks the ultimate milestone in Malideus's adventure: Here, we will see direction, and an actual goal! But first, some things have to change, for better or for worse. So, as an apology to everyone I hurt last chapter, I give you a gift in the future few chapters: Malideus's greatest triumph... and worst punishment, all wrapped in with realization and a significant increase in references other than Dark Souls.

*insert trumpets and drumroll here*

And now, some more additions to the old gods, made out of boredom:

Behemat: Old God of forging and metalworking. Though fiery and angry-looking, Behemat is actually quite docile, and simply goes about his endless work, uncaring of anything else, even his own imminent demise, though he did create a daughter to carry on his forge. He appears as a colossal, dragon-like entity made of molten rock and metal, and is described by other Old Gods as aloof and distant, but jolly when actually bothered to interact with others. he is allies with Klein and his children, Kraul, Yaw-Gammoth Effie Tana, Su-Bak-Na, Goblada, Luft, Otatzuatl, and Lumi, but has no real enemies.

Lumi: 'new' Old Goddess of fate and inspiration, Lumi is, for all intents and purposes, a bookworm and a shut-in. Lumi, as the new Old Goddess of fate, constantly writes, edits, and erases entries to the books of life, fate, and death, and is the keeper of her father's library. Too often, her affinity to inspiration is confused with 'imagination' or 'creativity'. This is simply false, as she is as far from creative and imaginative as one can get, and is far too old for her age. However, Lumi has never met a challenge she couldn't figure out or simply write or erase away, but Malideus seems to be detached from her hold on fate, which is not only infuriating her, as he completely detaches everyone he kills or harms from the threads of fate, but is slowly driving the youngest of all Old Gods to insanity, slowly killing her young, fragile mind with his antics, and Malideus has nearly succeeded in breaking Lumi twice: Once during his first attack on Canterlot, and the second time during his slaughter of Manehattan. Lumi has put up with this and fixed the aftermath as much as she could, though, and continues to operate to the best of her abilities, even under the stress of Malideus's rampage, but she still hates the wizard with a screaming, fiery passion, and insanity still grips her mind strongly, slowly pulling her to the inescapable brink with each life Malideus changes with his presence. Lumi has only three allies and two enemies, her allies being Klein, Onotoa and Luft, and her notable enemies being Djiin-Gytaxes and Shoggoth.

Phillia: the 'new' Old Goddess of meekness and shadows, she was practically raised in the shadows of her brothers, Shao-Ta and Ku-Sol-Gat, and is the object of disappointment for her father, Su-Bak-Na, making her a very lowly, meek, and distant individual. Phillia despises conflict, unlike her brothers and father, who embrace it when needed, and she constantly hides from the light as a result of spending most of her life in the shadows of her brothers, and her chosen form is quite small and frail-looking, only half the size of a normal pony. However, she's always open to others, be they god or mortal, and is more than ready to meet anyone who even claims to understand her feelings. As a result of being mostly unknown, Phillia has almost no allies or enemies, save for Djinn-Gytaxes, who is simply toying with her emotions as an experiment of his concerning the physiology and psychology of new Old Gods, though N'wahlgath seems to be friendly towards her, and Otatzuatl has shown romantic interest in her.

Otatzuatl: 'New' Old God of the sun, son of Tuatiw'ahzatah, Old god of light and warmth, as well as darkness and cold. A classic example of the common old gods of human lore, Otatzuatl is very vain, cunning, and vengeful. But unlike them, he his usually a kindred, warm soul when appeased, and is very patient, only demanding a single sacrifice once every few years. However, when the two Alicorn sisters rose to power and replaced him and shackled his sun and his brother's moon, he became very, very angry. He now seeks a champion to free his beloved star, the only reminder of his father he has left. When bothered to appear to mortals, he appears as a great, feathered, snake-like dragon, with red-and-green eye-like markings all along his underbelly and on the tops of his large wing feathers, and is allies with his brother Onotoa, Behemat, Goblada, Su-Bak-Na, Yaw-Gammoth, Gotag-Maw, and is romantically interested in Phillia, 'new' Old Goddess of shadows, though no one knows quite why.

Onotoa: 'New' Old God of the moon, son of Tuatiw'ahzatah and brother of Otatzuatl, 'new' Old God of the sun. Like his dear brother, Onotoa is a vain and cunning god, but is surprisingly docile, demanding no sacrifice from his subjects, and always priding himself on the subtle, yet luxurious, beauty of his moon, the largest of lights in the night sky, feeling he is doing the mortals a favor by gracing them with such art. However, he, like his brother, is infuriated by the royal sisters' arrogance, and their enslavement of his moon has made him enraged. He dislikes Luna less than Otatzuatl does, though, on account that he was there when the alicorn was banished to the moon, and though he never interacted with the princess, he understood the pain of betrayal she had felt, and felt pity for the princess of the moon, however false she was. However, though he was there, he had nothing to do with her freedom, and he will deny any relation to the event. In his chosen form, Onotoa appears as a giant water serpent, with yellow eyes, blue scales so dark, they are often mistaken for being black, and a vibrant, rainbow-colored fin along his back, which shifts colors seemingly at random, like an aurora. His allies include his brother Otatzuatl, Kherrie, Kragda-Maul, Gotag-Maw, Luft, and Lumi.

Tuatiw'ahzatah: Old God of light and warmth, and dark and cold. Tuatiw'ahzatah was a very powerful and influential Old God, and was the only ally of Ragnek during the uprising of the other Old Gods, helping the Old God of endings in destroying many of the usurpers, all of whom's names were lost to the flow of time. However, as a last reward for his aid, Ragnek blessed Tuatiw'ahzatah with immortality, making him one of very few to achieve it. However, the Old God's eternal life did not last long, as Mundas struck him down in a dual, which many Old Gods, especially Otatzuatl and Onotoa, argue Mundas cheated in, not too long after the event. Mundas had challenged the powerful Old God, fearing that he would become like Ragnek and prevent civilization from taking root, and Tuatiw'ahzatah's pride forced him to accept it, leading to the old god's death. With his dying breath, though, the Old God of light and dark cursed Mundas with eternal opposition from the forces of nature and the eventual destruction of the world he sought to create at the hands of a lone warlord, and he bore his two sons into the world, creating the sun and moon in the process. Though he is dead, his memory lives on in the hearts and minds of many Old Gods who value the old ways.

Rusty Shackleford: Old God of awesome epicness and conspiracies. Not much was known of this Old God, except that he vanished after the fall of Ragnek the Unmaker, though he did not participate in the fight, instead choosing to cower in his basement with a lifetime supply of Mountain Dew and hamster meat, like the badass he is. Relation to Pocket Sand unknown.