"Ugh... What... Where am I..." I mutter, shaking my head as agony rips through it like a tidal wave, smashing my poor brain and... bones? What the hell, why do my bones hurt? Why am I on a pile of ash? Why does it feel like someone stabbed my head? WHY AM I NOT GETTING ANSWERS!?

"Uhhhn..." I suddenly hear a voice moan, interrupting my mental rant, and I see a figure turn to it's side, revealing the character to be... Celestia? Luna, too? Immediately, I get scared as I see them, at first thinking them about to attack, but my fear is soon replaced by curiosity as I see them simply lay there, near-unconscious and broken. Hell, Luna looks like something giant stepped on her. What the hell happened here? Better yet, where the hell IS 'here', some kind of vault? That's pretty much all I get from the look of the room and the coins and gems littering the ground. Eager to receive answers, and not patient due to the aching pain I was in, I walk up to Celestia's broken, unconscious body, and prod it a couple times to see if the princess yet lives.

"Celestia... Celestia? You okay?" I ask loudly, but I only get a soft groan from her in response, and I figure out quickly that she is, indeed, unconscious, and that she's holding on to something for dear life. What could she be guarding so fiercely..? Well, I have to know. So, I turn the princess of the sun over with both my hands, careful not to damage her clearly-broken body further, and she groans suddenly, but turns easily as I push her over, revealing, in her hands... My staff!?

"My staff! What in the world... What is she doing with this!?... Wait..." I mutter loudly, squinting my eyes as a vague memory shifts slowly into mental view. I think... I was captured, again, but that doesn't shock me. I met some bitch along the way... and a hobo... woke up Luna, I think... and I remember wanting my staff back from Celestia. After that, my memory hits a wall. But before I could strain my brain further, I hear a loud groan from Celestia, and I turn to her, wondering what happened to cause this destruction.

"Well, this looks incriminating. What the hell happened here? Did I do something?" I ask to nobody in particular, when a voice sounds in my head, catching me off-guard:

"yeah, you turned into a monster and went psycho." The voice says disinterestedly, sounding like his old self once more.

"Oh, hello little voice in my head. What the fuck have you been doing while an evil presence was impersonating you?" I asked mentally, and my inner voice sighs, sounding more disappointed in itself than at me.

"It's a long story, and not one you'll want to hear. But, there is one thing I can tell you. Remember that 'Narrator' character that's been impersonating me?" My inner voice asks, prompting a response from me.

"Ummm... Yeah, I guess?" I ask more than reply.

"well, he's not so much an evil voice as he is a giant fucking abyss demon. Seriously, dude's scary. Thank's for getting rid of him like you did." My inner voice says, and I feel a little happier that he's finally appreciating my choices.

"Eh, what can I say? The Narrator's a douchebag. Personally, I'd choose you like Ash would choose Pikachu any day." I mentally reply, causing my inner voice to blush. Finally, we were on the move once more, and I made my way out of a hole in the wall that I don't know how it got there, but am not complaining about. Then, I hit the floor, and I try to find the exit to this crazy place, when I hear guards move on my position. Oh, HELL naw.

"Ain't nobody got time fo' dat!" I mutter, mildly panicking, and I look down one side of the hall, then the next, and then I run down my original choice, away from the sound of running armored hooves.

So, down the hall I run, and run, and run, but the accursed running doesn't get any quieter with distance. In fact, it just seems to get louder! Hell, I can hear them right around the corner! Oh, Bolas above, send me a way out of this horrible situation! Suddenly, interrupting my thoughts, an idea strikes me with a vengeance, and I remember an interesting spell I saw earlier.

"Summon Giantdad..." I mutter, reaching for the Oghma Infinium as I run, looking behind me to see the guards round the corner in hot pursuit of me. Shit, they're fast!

"There he is! Get him!" One shouts with a vengeance, and the guards quicken their pace, while mine decreases on account that my legs are going on strike due to all the running. Why can't my physical strength ever apply to my legs and lungs!? Why is it only my arms and chest!? Finally, as they begin to gain on me, I flip the book open, revealing the spell I wanted: vocet pater gigantis... Summon Giantdad. Then, as my legs are on the verge of complete rebellion, I stop, giving them rest, turn my body to face the interlopers, and raise my reclaimed staff into the air, beginning the chant:

"Pater gigantis, Devoratrix Casuls, te voco, auxilium!" I shout, slamming my staff down, and all the guards stop upon seeing me cast the spell, and cautiously back away. However, a second passes with no unusual happenings, and I feel my heart sink as the guards begin a cautious approach, weapons raised and ready to kill. But, just as I begin to curse my terrible luck and the guards are almost within striking distance, I feel a powerful tremor, and the guards all begin to fall over as the quake intensifies, and before me, a bright, red-colored portal opens up on the ground, and everyone, me included, stares in horror as a gargantuan, armored figure rises from the portal, his pose a gesture of prayer as he holds his massive claymore with both hands, and he finally stops rising after a second, though he still towers over all in the immediate vicinity, and words flash at the bottom of my field of vision, as with everyone else's, judging by where they're looking:

Dark Phantom Giantdad has invaded. Before I can question what this was, Giantdad proceeded to open his arms toward the cowering ponies, making the universal gesture of 'Well, what is it?', his ire able to be felt from behind his placid, metal mask, which bore the face of a bearded man who'd served in Vietnam. None of the poor ponies ran, though, and I had the luck of seeing one unfortunate pony charge the legendary behemoth of death and scrub-eating head-on, seeing his gesture as a threat. The guard swung, but, alas, he was too casul for Giantdad's awesome soul level, and his weapon merely bounced off of Giantdad's plated shin. Then, faster than lightning, Giantdad thrust his own blade, impaling the guard in the gut with his Chaos Zweihander,, and I saw others turn pale and vomit as the monstrous Phantom absorbed the unfortunate equine's humanity, and the pony's body rapidly withered and decayed under the assault, reducing him to a lifeless, emaciated husk in moments.

Upon sating his immense soul-lust with the small casul's humanity, Giantdad flung his blade to the side, flicking the hollowed corpse into a wall, and he then thrust his chest forward, causing the rest of the miniature army to back up suddenly, many tripping over others and themselves in an effort to gain distance between them and the black phantom.

"Mein gott..." I muttered aloud, but Giantdad payed me no mind, focusing instead on protecting me from the wall of guards that stood before him, causing me to realize something incredible: I just summoned Giantdad, and he's (more or less) on my side! Eat your heart out, Celestia!

"Come on, men! It's one warrior! Let's rush him, he can't take us ALL on!" The lead guard finally shouted, having found his balls once again, and the others followed suit, whimpers of fear becoming cries of defiance. I then realized that the guards meant business, and Giantdad was about to get Guard-rushed. Unfortunately for them, though, the Legend never dies. Challenging him was going to be the last mistake they ever made, and Giantdad was going to see to it that these scrubs were eaten... Though I still don't know why he hasn't just turned and stabbed ME yet, despite being an invader. Eh, maybe he hates ponies more. Anyway, so, the guards, after a moment of preparation, finally all charge Giantdad, but he pays them no mind, and casually sweeps his massive blade across the field, swatting guards aside like chaff, and the wall of noobish guards clashes into the Legend, though he does not budge, and instead pushes them back, and proceeds to swing at the broken formation, mowing the armored ponies down in rows, giving me time to run. Before I do, though, I see Giantdad turn to me as he impales a guard, give me a brief thumbs-up, and return to his kills. Holy crap, I just got complimented (I think) by Giantdad, and he didn't kill me. God, nothing can bring down my good mood now.

So, I walk down the halls, the cries and clatters of royal guards getting destroyed growing fainter as I gain distance. Celestia may have brought an army, but Giantdad will surely hold them off for a few years or so.This gives me plenty of time to find an exit, and maybe that second prisoner that that hobo was talking about. Ah, yes, today was going to be very productive, indeed.

Onward, to Nathan's point of view!

Okay... I'm here, finally. Canterlot Castle, where Malideus is surely causing abhorrent amounts of carnage within. suddenly, as if to prove my theory, a guard comes crashing out of a window from the fifteenth-or-so floor, and screaming pitifully as he falls, making it more heart-wrenching when he finally hits the ground, resulting in a icky, crunchy 'splat' as gravity turns the poor guard from an armored warrior to a giant, red stain on the ground instantly. I don't know much of Malideus, but I know that whatever he's doing up there, it must be stopped!

"I will avenge thee, random guard, along with any others who have fallen with you." I mutter, and I then kick in the doors, and proceed up the stairs, gaining momentum as I hear the clash of battle growing louder and clearer as I approach. Odd, though... wasn't Malideus a wizard? Why would he be fighting guards hand-to-hand, when he could just zap them?

"How odd. Truly, you are an odd being, Malideus..." I say to myself as I charge up the stairs, and enter a hall, at last, where the battle was taking place. However, as I approach, I notice that many voices have gone quiet, and only one remains, still defiant of his opponent as I begin to round the corner.

"You don't scare me, you giant freak! Have at you!" The voice says, but is soon cut off by a sharp gasp, and I round the corner, stopping, just in time to see him, a captain, fighting the evil... uh...

"What the fuck is THAT!?" I mutter loudly, seeing the captain held up by his throat by a warrior, but not Malideus. No, this one was far taller, maybe taller than ME, and had a metal mask resembling a bearded man over his face, as he held the pony captain by the throat easily with but one hand. All around him, the bodies of guards lay about, some eviscerated, some splattered, some reduced to emaciated shells, all laying in every death pose imaginable. Then, before I could intervene with the ongoing fight, the giant warrior stabbed the captain, causing a sharp gasp to sound from him as the gargantuan blade penetrated his armor with ease, and the cruel monster cut downward, forcing the blade to cleave the unfortunate pony's lower body in two, and the brave-but-unlucky stallion's innards proceeded to fall out of him in sick, wet slaps and 'plop's. Then, a black fog emanated from the corpse, causing the body to become emaciated like some others, and the mist was immediately absorbed by the giant behemoth with gusto. This, I admit, made me very, very angry indeed. So, without thinking, I yelled at the monster, getting it's attention as it threw the husk aside like a used rag:

"Why don't you pick on someone your own size, you freak!?" I bellowed, attempting to taunt the giant, but the creature swathed in red light merely opened its arms at me, as if daring, nay, COMMANDING me to 'come at him, bro'. So, against my better judgement, I charged him, swinging my axe at the vile giant in a blind attempt to fell him in one mighty swoop. My axe made contact with the beast at the waist, but had no visible effect, other than causing it to stagger. Then, before I can swing again, the massive, armored being regains posture, grips its sword, and swings at me, and I duck just as the sword arcs over my head, hitting a pillar, which immediately explodes in a shower of bits and chunks of marble. Crap, I do NOT need to get hit by that! But, I have to fight this thing, anyway. If I don't beat it, then this world will be doomed worse than anything Malideus can throw at it!

"Alright, ugly... Let's dance." I say, getting into a stance, and the giant does the same as we strafe each other, moving in a circle as we each seek out a flaw in the other's movements. Oh, lord, what have I just gotten myself into? Suddenly, the giant swings, and I manage to backpedal just in time to avoid a lethal blow, though his sword manages to clip my armor, leaving a nasty scratch across my chestpiece. Oh, thank god it's indestructible. So, as I back out, my opponent presses on again, swinging his blade at me, but I finally catch it with my axe on the fifth swing, and I take the opportunity presented to run up to the warrior, and I plant my fist in his masked face, sending the gargantuan fiend stumbling back. But as I raise my axe to finish him, he brings his sword back up, slashing my helmet in an upwards arc, and knocking it off. Then, sensing its victory, the behemoth charges me again, swinging his blade across in order to decapitate my exposed head. but I see it coming, and as I recover, I shift my pauldron to be in front of my head, and the sword strikes it, protecting my head, but the unnatural force of the swing blasts my shoulder away, sending me flying in a spiral away from the giant, and I hit the ground with a solid 'wham', completely disorienting me for a moment. Then, as I lay on the floor, the monstrous warrior approaches me, his armored boots clamoring like the bells of hell as he walks, every step another wasted moment of life as the warrior steps forward, and he finally stands over me, his emotions indiscernible from behind his golden mask. Then, he reaches down, and lifts me by my neck with ease, preparing to end me like he did those guards. I have since recovered my senses by this point, but all too late. The warrior has me, and is preparing to strike, when out of nowhere, a magic blast explodes on his back, causing him to stumble and release me, and I fall to my knees, gasping for air. God damn, that guy has a grip. What IS he, anyway!? Before I can ponder that, I see the giant turn, and face the assailants, giving me a good look at them as well. And, well, I didn't really expect who I saw. There, at the end of the hall, were the Mane Six, all posed an ready to challenge the giant that almost killed me.

"Back away from Nathan, you monster! You have ten seconds, or we WILL use force!" Twilight shouts, pointing at the glowing-red warrior. However, it pays her threat no mind, and opens his arms in that familiar gesture as he steps towards them, beckoning them to him... and his blade.

"Twilight, get out of here! This thing is too strong, even for you!" I cry weakly, but the six don't listen, and instead ready to attack the giant head-on, just like I did.

"Alright, so Mr. big-guy doesn't wanna play fair? Well let's do to him like we should've done to Malideus in the first place!" Rainbow Dash taunts, and Twilight nods grimly, and stands upright, pulling out a familiar tiara: Her element.

"Alright, girls, Elements!" Twilight yells, and the giant warrior stares at them for a moment as they pull out the Elements of Harmony... and laughs! Indeed, the giant is now holding its mask where the mouth should have been, and is shifting and bouncing as if in a fit of laughter, despite making no noise save the grinding of its armor plates as they move. It takes the six a moment to realize this, but as soon as they do, their demeanor takes a very sharp turn south.

"He's... laughing!?" Rainbow Dash asks, shocked and angry.

"How uncouth! What manner of warrior would laugh at his opponent's weapons?" Rarity demands, stomping her hoof.

"Ah think this big bully needs to be put in his place! Waddaya say, Twi?" Applejack asks, and Twilight finally nods, glaring at the armored giant before them, who had finally stopped mocking them, and held his claymore at the ready, preparing to end the six ponies that dared to oppose him.

"Alright... now!" Twilight cries, and the six begin to hover, preparing their attack, and the elements finally launch their own beams, which collide with each other, and the final, rainbow-colored beam launches at the giant warrior, catching him square in the chest. The beam holds for a second, and the giant holds a stance of one being shot up, arms out, legs braced, and back arched in a posture of agony as the attack holds, and when it ends, a sudden, white light flashes, blinding everyone, and I avert my eyes to avoid being blinded by the blast of light. After a second, I open my eyes, and look to where the black phantom stood, expecting him to have been turned to stone, or banished. But, to my horror, as well as the Mane Six's, Giantdad still remains, kneeling, but still alive.

"How..?... That should have worked!" Twilight cries, seeing the massive warrior get back up. However, he quickly stumbles as he rises, and falls onto his knees again, his energy drained.

"It did work! We have to finish him, before he gets back up!" Applejack cries, and I take the initiative, and move in for the kill.

"I got this, girls!" I yell, charging the fallen giant, and when I finally approach, raising my axe, the mighty, evil giant raise his sword, swatting my axe aside, and he stumbles upright and readies his arm, only to have Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy grab his arms, Applejack lasso his neck, and finally, Rainbow Dash tackling him from behind, knocking the struggling giant to his knees once more, and completely incapacitating him, while Rarity and Twilight grab his weapon and shield, keeping them away from the phantom as he struggles, trying his hardest to rid himself of the mares. But we have him now, and I finally ready my axe one last time, aiming for the giant's neck.

"Hey, bub! This is for scratching my armor!" I shout finally, and I swing my axe, making contact with the giant's neck. The axe then strikes home, slicing cleanly through the giant's head, but before I can have the satisfaction of watching the head fall off, the body simply fades, leaving the confiscated weapons behind. Then, as we stared at where the warrior fell, a red text flashed across my field of vision, drawing my attention to it, and by the look of the Mane Six, they saw it, too:

"Black Phantom Giantdad has been vanquished."

We stare at the text for a moment before I reach for my helmet, put it back on, and the six shake their heads, as if trying to forget the ordeal.

"Well... that was... interesting." I say, trying to lighten the mood, but the six still seem in despair, as they look at all the bodies the invader left in his wake. Clearly, they were pretty shaken about this.

"... This... this is horrible." Twilight says softly, holding a dead guard's arm, on the verge of tears.

"Who could have summoned such a monster..?" Fluttershy asks, and Rainbow dash quickly responds:

"It's Malideus! It's ALWAYS been him! Nopony else could manage this much death with a straight face like he does!" She shouts, slamming her hoof down. The six then proceed to mourn in silence, until Twilight looks at me, tears in her eyes.

"Nathan... we never should have dragged you into this. We're sorry you have to witness this... and if you want to leave, we understand." Twilight says, looking down, but I grip her shoulder, and try to smile, despite my helmet covering my face.

"I'm not going anywhere, Princess. I've seen the wizard myself, and I want him defeated as much as you do..." I say, then I turn to the royal vaults, gazing at the giant hole in the door. The six seem to catch where I'm looking, and they look, too, knowing that the princesses are in there, needing help.

"...What do you say we help the princesses up, and get them to the infirmary?" I finally ask, but Twilight shakes her head, a grim look on her face.

"You go ahead and help them, Nathan. But right now, my duty is making that wizard pay. Nathan, help Celestia and Luna, and get them to the medical wing. I'm going to finish what I should have done a long time ago." Twilight says, moving away from me, and the remaining five casting pitying glances at me, sensing my distress. Okay, so, the six aren't as fun anymore as they used to be. Still, I can at least save the princesses... Ugh, you'd think being transported to Equestria would be fun... until you end up realizing that, no matter where you go, sad reality will always find you. They say this land used to be fun and carefree, until Malideus put them on the losing side of a war they never wanted. In short... he brought the real world with him, a world these ponies didn't need, or want.

"Why, why must reality follow me wherever I go..?" I mutter sadly, trudging to the royal vaults, to save the princesses.

Malideus, once more.

Okay, I've been walking for a while, but I have no idea where I am. I woke up inside a vault of some kind, but I don't know how I got there. So, without any discernible landmarks to go off of, I'm left aimlessly wandering this blindingly white, pompous castle. Still, at least Giantdad is holding off those...

"Black Phantom Giantdad has been vanquished." a little text popped up in my field of vision, and I stopped dead, still trying to register what it meant. However, if this meant what I think it did, then I needed a way out of this crazy palace, and fast.

"I... what..?" I muttered weakly, trying to register the meaning of this. What the hell, I thought the legend never dies?!

"That's only a meme. Naturally, anyone can slay Giantdad, with the right attributes and apparel. Still, I don't really know anyone with the right build to counter him, much less defeat him." My inner voice ponders, and I begin to sweat visibly at the thought of anyone who could return Giantdad to his own world without dying themselves.

"Oh god, this isn't good. I need a way out, now!" I say, panicking, and I speed up my walk as I scout out the halls, following the trail of destruction I supposedly left when I berserked. Ugh, why can I never be conscious for that? I would kill to see just what it is that these pests are so damn afraid of. Finally, as I finish following the trail, I reach the royal rooms, though I have no idea why I'm here. Maybe if I jump, and use my robe as a parachute..?

"Wait, you were here before, right? Just retrace your steps, and find those stairs you refused to climb up!" My most-helpful inner voice says, and I sigh, knowing that it was going to come to this eventually. I couldn't crawl out the window again, that would be death, and there was no elevator anywhere, to my chagrin. So, sighing, I proceed to retrace my steps back to the horrible stairs that led to the main floor, and took a moment to stare at them in distrust. I guess, in the end, I have to do this. Well, here goes nothing... Wait, what's that noise..?

"Don't move, Wizard!" Shouts a feminine voice behind me, prompting me to turn my head, and, alas, I get to see princess Sparkle and her lackeys, oddly, though, her newest one, Nathan, seems to be missing. "Stay... Right... There. Move, and we will kill you." Twilight says, readying her magic, and her friends have their own weapons drawn, ready to take me.

"Well, this day seems to have a thing against good moods." I say mentally, getting ready to finally vaporize the seven jerks in front of me.

"Alright, you have nowhere to go, Malideus. Drop your staff, or we'll destroy you. Got it?" Twilight demands, causing my mood to drop further into disappointment at today. But before I can retort, my inner voice interrupts me, voicing an idea as we stood, dead still, and dead silent.

"Wait, Chris! I got an idea!" My inner voice says.

"Really? What is it?" I ask, my hopes growing that this was going to get me out.

"Alright, here's the plan. You turn yourself in, and let them lead you to the dungeons, or the courtyard. Once in familiar territory, we can smack these six around, grab our staff back, and escape! It's brilliant!" My inner voice says, but I seriously don't like that plan, like, at all.

"Are you NUTS!? If I give up my staff again, I'll be stuck here for even longer! I don't want to be here any longer than I have to be! Screw this, I'm taking the stairs." I mentally retort, but my voice butts in, pleading his case.

"Listen here, you ninny! This is your one chance at really escaping once and for all! If you resist or vaporize them, you'll lose any sympathy the princess has for you!" My inner voice chides.

"The princess had sympathy for me? Please tell me you're joking." I reply, causing my inner voice to fume.

"It's not a joke! Look at everything you've been through! Every time Celestia was involved, she always gave you another chance. Hell, even when she dragged you here, she allowed you to be spared if you gave up! She knows that there's something really wrong with you, and is willing to look past it JUST FOR YOU!" My inner voice finally rants, and I realize: He's kinda right.But that's the weakness I'm trying to cull! I can't let her go around sparing criminals like this!... But, then again, if I die here, I guess I have people back at the cave who'd miss me... not really a fact I feel used to. But still, I guess I'm obligated to return to them safely, one way or another. I do kinda miss Mizzy, I guess... God, now I'M weak. I need to stop getting pony blood on me: I'm starting to contract their naivete.

"... Fine. I'll submit... barely." I resign aloud, causing suspicious looks from the six mares before me.

"... Um, well... Okay... That was easy." Twilight says cautiously, looking around suspiciously, as if she suspected an ambush.

"Don't push your luck, Horse. You don't know how far it'll go." I say at last, submitting myself to the six. Then, as per protocol, I'm led down the cursed stairs at spell point, but as we reach the bottom, Twilight grabs at my staff, trying to remove it.

"Hand over the weapon, Malideus!" She says, tugging at it cautiously, but I growl, wrenching it away from her hands.

"I said not to press your luck, kid." I growl ominously, and none of them, even Twilight, dare to remove my staff again, obviously afraid of its power. Still, they surround me, staying out of my immediate reach, but remaining close enough to stop me from casting any spells as they lead me to the dungeons. Well, phase one of my escape is complete: Now to actually escape.

Meanwhile, Back at the cave...

"I told you, he'll be back! He probably just got caught again, or something. He'll be out by tomorrow." Mizzy says, chastising Stargazer, who'd recently proposed a change in management. Particularly, himself.

"Yes, exactly! This is the third time they caught him! And with those wards around the city, he's not going to get out! Face it, Mizzietta, we need a competent, efficient leader for this little movement! A lot of the inner circle agree with me, why do you still cling to him!?" Stargazer asks, his normally-calm nature distorted by obvious anger.

"Because, you have a few allies, even if they ARE Mal's inner circle. But Kelias has outright TOLD you to piss off, and only HE controls the devils, which, by the way, vastly outnumber your little coup here. So, I suggest you just hold your horses, before this gets really ugly for you." Mizzietta says threateningly, and the two continue to be at odds with one another, until, at last, Stargazer backs down, his dignity wounded, but not dead.

"You don't know what you're getting into, Mizzietta. You may be a relative of a dragon god, or whatever, but you will not stop this. There needs to be a change here if this is going to work, and you clinging to Malideus like a lost puppy is only going to slow us down!" Stargazer finally shouts, and he marches out of the cave, his loyal in tow: Xenia, Otsuna, Kitsune, Flitterfeather, and Ramatozs.

"... Ugh, come on, Malideus, PLEASE don't die on me now." Mizzy says, as she lays on her hoard.

Back to Malideus.

So, here I am, captive of six ponies, and I still don't feel like I could give any more of a shit. Just another day in the life of me, I suppose. Finally, we reach a cell, and the six, while still surrounding me, open and unlock the door, and stand there, expecting me to go in. So, after a while of standing still, one of them speaks up.

"Well?" Twilight asks, drawing my bored gaze to her.

"Well what?" I retort, infuriating her visibly.

"Get in the cell already, we don't have time for this!" Rainbow Dash blurts in, shoving me into the cell, and then Twilight racks up the nerve to try and take my staff again. After a brief struggle, though, she succeeds, and tosses it to the far side of the room, way out of my reach.

"Now stay here, Wizard. We have something special planned for you later, so we'll be back after we send this other demon back to Tartarus." Twilight quickly says, and before I can ask what she meant by 'something special', the six lock the cage and leave me, all alone, in a dark, depressing prison cell. Oh well, I still have a plan. I'll just burn the lock off again and escape. What's so hard about that? So, as I walk toward the door, igniting my gauntlet's fingertip, I hear a soft noise, and see a figure speed off to my right, just outside my cell, causing me to stop and look around.

"...Okaaaay... This isn't creepy at all..." I mutter, and I return to the lock, only to hear a soft 'ahem' right in front of me, causing me to leap back in shock, and into some odd scratches in the wall. As I look up, I expect to see a guard before my cell door, but instead it's... a changeling... a familiar one, at that.

"... Whip..?" I ask, blinking any debris from my eyes to see if I'm seeing right. Indeed, as I finish, I see the quirky changeling, though she still wears a bored, cynical expression on her face, like nothing makes her happy.

"Hello, boss. I see you're doing well?" Whip asks, aggravating me. What the hell is her problem? What'd I do!?

"Okay, whip, the personality change was cute and fun the first time, but it's grating my nerves now! How the hell did you even get in here, anyway? The city's got wards all over!" I say, and Whip shrugs, pointing to the door.

"I just followed you, I guess." She says, still with the snarky attitude.

"Ugh, I guess it can't be helped, then. You gonna help me out, or not? Because I have a perfectly viable escape plan if you're not." I retort, getting up off of the odd scratch marks in the wall, which seem to be getting warmer for some reason... and they're glowing. Weird. Ah, probably just a trick of the light.

"Actually, boss, I was just about to free you. But, if you have a good plan, then by all means, go for it. I want to see this." Whip says, and, in an act of defiance, I grab the lock, and my anger alone melts it off, causing the door to creak open, and leaving Whip looking like she'd seen a ghost.

"... Well, it certainly is viable..." Whip says, and I walk past her, looking side to side for guards, then turning to the changeling, and finally expressing something that I've been feeling since I first saw her today, in the H.O.U.N.D.

"Alright, Whip, what the fuck is up with you? You're acting like a goddamned teenager!" I say, glaring at the rambunctious changeling before me. However, she only shrugs, grieving me further.

"I dunno, boss, I thought you knew everything?" Whip says, and I suddenly realize something: Even in our most dire, nerve-wracking situations, Whip never calls ANYONE 'boss', especially not me. This sudden change in attitude, in language, in personality... it's like I'm talking to an entirely different person altogether... Hmm, Can changelings impersonate one another? I don't know... So I'm gonna test something. Suddenly, 'Whip' catches my suspicious glare, and shifts uncomfortably at my scrutiny, adding to my suspicions.

"Hey... Boss? You okay?" The changeling asks, and I begin my test.

"Yes... but I have to know, 'Whip', How's Mizzy at the cave?" I ask.

"Oh, uh, He's fine." The impostor says, getting the first question wrong. God, I'm good at this.

"Wrong answer." I say, looming over the faker menacingly, though she doesn't seem scared. In fact, she seems rather amused now that she's done being surprised.

"... Hmph, I wondered when you'd finally get it. Took you long enough, too. For a wizard, you really aren't that bright." the impostor says, and in a puff of smoke, there, in front of me, is...

"You..." I growl, hovering over the familiar, purple-eyed creature that stood before me. A pooka, and a familiar one: Kinua.

"Yep. It's me. So, guess you're pretty confused about why I'm here, right?" Kinua asks, and I almost threaten to destroy her if she doesn't leave, but my curiosity gets the better of me, and I sigh, resigning to it.

"Yes, I'm VERY curious as to why you're here. Isn't Virgil looking for you?" I ask, and Kinua almost cracks a grin, but ultimately remains stoic.

"Hmph, as if he'd care where I was. I'm pretty much dead to him." Kinua says flatly, but I decide not to touch that subject, for fear of accidentally making her fall in love with me, or something. Speaking of which, why is she following me?

"Okay, that's sad and all, but why are you following ME?" I ask, and Kinua shrugs, looking at the door.

"You seemed like a cool guy to hang around. So, I disguised myself as one of your inner circle, and followed you around for a while. As for the barrier, that was easy. I'm not technically 'evil' in their sense, so it doesn't affect me. So, now you know. Satisfied?" Kinua says, and I suddenly feel too mentally drained to be angry at her bullshit right now, so I sigh, rubbing my helmet, and I reply to her as calmly as I can:

"Okay, we'll discuss this later. Right now, I need to know how many guards are outside the dungeons right now." I say, and Kinua, for the first time I've seen her, laughs. I'll admit this now, while I'm too tired to regret it: It was kind of cute, like the giggle of a child. Still, she busts a gut, and the looks at me, still smiling, before replying:

"There ARE no more guards. That thing you summoned killed them all!" She says, and I reel back, shocked.

"He did?! Then what could have..." My sentence is then interrupted by another of Kinua's chuckles.

"Nah, I kid. There's only five out there right now, and they don't look very attentive. I bet you could sneak out of here, no problem." Kinua says, and for once, I don't feel like strangling her whilst shouting 'Why you little!'.

"Hmm... Well, that's convenient, I guess. Come on, then, let's get out of here, before the Elements of Naivete come back." I say, and Kinua shrugs again, and I follows me as I grab my staff, and head out the door. As I exit, the guards turn as I open the door, but I freeze them solid before they can react further, and I proceed along the route, to the main gate, When Kinua stops me.

"You know, Mal, Celestia and Luna are BOTH in the infirmary... I'd say, if there was ever a time to launch a REAL blow to the ponies, It'd be while they were as weak as this... and possibly in the form of kidnapping." Kinua says persuasively, and I begin to ponder my options, seeing both sides to this. Yeah, I don't trust Kinua, but as an old saying goes: The wise always keep an ear open to the whispers of power. Ah, MTG for the win. So, my ears are open, and so far, neither they nor my brain find anything wrong with the plan presented to us. With the princesses kidnapped, I can easily do many, many things to them while holding them in the foundry... None of them dirty! Stop putting those thoughts in your heads, you perverted freaks! I meant like extracting power from them, or gathering info, or even holding them ransom and selling them to the highest bidder... After I took their power from them, of course. Finally, the thoughts in my head, I make up my mind, and decide to get some help from the cave. First, I need someone to free that demon those six pests were talking about, and then I need someone to... wait, what's that rumbling?

"Kinua..? W-what's g-oing on-n-n???" I say shakily, as the ground trembles like when I summoned Giantdad.

"I-I d-d-don't kno-o-ow! It's l-like the c-c-castle's f-falling ap-p-part!" Kinua replies, trying to keep her balance. Then, finally, the shaking stops, and two white portals open up, revealing two odd figures: A representation of what the Green goblin would look like as a samurai rises from one portal, and an odd, orange-masked figure arises from the other, making a Y-shape with his body all the while. Finally, the two rise from the portal, and Kinua has turned invisible, obviously threatened by the two before us. We stare for a while, and suddenly, the orange-masked one of them lifts his leg up, and farts rather loudly, completely ruining the tension-filled moment.

"Dude, don't fart in front of some bloody wog!" The green goblin of japan says, scolding his odd friend, and I have no idea what a 'Wog' is, but I immediately take it as an insult, and lose my fear of these two immediately.

"Who're you callin' a wog, you freak? And where the hell did you two come from?" I ask, glaring at the two, but they seem unfazed, and in fact, began to become enthusiastic about... something, I dunno.

"Sempai, should we introduce ourselves?" The orange-masked one asks, bouncing with joy, and the other merely shrugs.

"Why not?" the green one says, and the first one bounds over to me instantly, shaking my hand with gusto, much to my confusion.

"Hello! I'm Tobi! And this is Yoshimitsu! We're from another Equestria. What do you need help with? Oh, we should give him the Chakra power! After help, though. We can definitely do that." The odd, masked ninja who called himself 'Tobi' says, still shaking my hand with both of his, reminding me of my least favorite character in cartoon history: Pinky Pie. Suddenly, the green goblin-looking one, 'Yoshisomething-or-other, nods, and speaks in a deep, rumbling voice:

"State your business, and we'll help you however we can." Green ninja says, and I look to my side, then to them, and state my confusion.

"Business? What business? I was doing just fine before you two showed up!" I say, but then, I get a brilliant idea: These two looked like ninja, and ninja are sneaky and stuff! So naturally, if I use these two to free that demon and create the diversion, I'll een be able to save myself a trip to the cave! GENIUS! So, immediately after my first sentence, I instantly begin to hire them with a new one.

"... But now that you two are here, I guess I could have a use for you. You two know where the Canterlot dungeons are?" I ask, remembering them talk about being from 'another Equestria'. Now, I normally wouldn't believe in that 'different instances of the same universe' mumbo-jumbo, but I've seen a lot of crazy shit before, so this really isn't that hard to accept right now. Hell, it might even prove useful. Finally, after some pondering, Yoshimantzu answers:

"Yes. Why, did you drop the soap?" He replies, stunning me. Uh, what? Then, the other nodded in agreement, replying:

"He might have. Yanks are into that, right?" Tobi aks, and I feel compelled to stop this conversation here and leave it at that, but I feel too confused, so I hit them with the first thing that comes to my head:

"Uh, I take that as a 'no', then..?" I ask, slightly... okay, ABSOLUTELY out of it. Suddenly, Yoshifuscius waves his hand at me dismissively, rolling his head, and retorts:

"Of course we know where it is, It's where we summoned our buddy, sunbro." He says, provoking a confused look from me. 'Sunbro'? Could he really mean... he summoned Solaire down there!?

"Speaking of sunbro, you probably haven't met him yet. He's pretty cool." Tobi says, and then jumps at me again, causing me to inch backwards a bit in mild terror. "So, how can we help you out this fine morning?" He finishes, but before I can say anything, Yoshimiku holds out a hand dramatically, and retorts to his friend:

It might not be morning. It could be afternoon." The odd ninja says, and I try to speak up, but the orange one interrupts before I can get their attention.

Very true, Sempai." Tobi says, and as soon as I was positive they were done talking, I shift slightly in discomfort, and begin to speak my mind:

"Yessss... Well, if you two REALLY want to help, I guess I need someone freed from the dungeons. You two are familiar with breakouts, right?" I ask, pacing as my eagerness to be rid of the two lunatics before me increased with each passing moment. Finally, after some chin-scratching, Tobi finally replies:

"Yep." Good god, never have I felt so relieved at a statement in my life.

"Well, Naturally, we ARE ninja, after all. Who do you want free, and where are they?" Asks Yoshimako enthusiastically, sweeling with pride. Then, Tobi chimes in:

"Maybe THEY dropped the soap." Tobi says nonchalantly, and I mentally facepalm at the retardedness of this situation. God, I'd rather deal with Kinua than these two right now. Suddenly, Yoshimaero shrugs, and speaks in response to his ninja friend:

"From what I hear, they don't even provide soap in pony prisons. It encourages those kinds of scenarios." He says flatly, and before I can speak, Tobi chimes in, to my infinite chagrin, covering his mask where his mouth would be.

"But... it isn't prison drama without soap! Where would the fanservice be!?" Tobi gasps, pouting visibly. Bolas above, if they say 'soap' ONE MORE GOD-DAMNED TIME...

"The police, obviously." Yoshimittens says at last, and I finally lose my temper on the two, smacking them upside the head to get their attention so I cold get this done before next year. And so, apart from a couple 'ow's, they finally were silent, and I began.

"Hey, focus! Yes, I need a breakout to happen, but in the conventional sense: I don't need someBODY broken out, but more like someTHING. There's a demon down there that I need free, and if you two do this, then, uh, I guess I'll reward you or something. Can you do this, you know, without screwing up? Because the last phantom I summoned did just that." I rant at them, and they both mumble, still rubbing their heads where I smacked them, and replied:

"Ow... okay, we can do that. Hold on a moment." Tobi says, and he summons a camera out of freaking nowhere, and before I can jump, he presses the button, and takes a picture of me. Say, pooka don't show up on cameras, do they?... Nah, probably not.

"Okay, what was that about?" I ask, regaining my posture as I blink the stars out of my eyes.

"Just taking a picture, to commemorate our partnership!" Yoshimina explains hastily, putting the camera away. "Now, a demon'll be easy to find, thanks for that. Also, one more thing, are you a brogre? That's important." he says last, and I hesitate a moment in thought. 'Brogre'? does he mean those guys who worship Shrek? Well, it's better than ponies, and it was funny, once upon a time, but I don't think...

"Shrek is love, Shrek is life." Tobi chants, interrupting my thoughts. Oh, god, that chant... If they even THINK about doing it...

Suddenly, interrupting me once more, the two began chanting the Brogre chant, stalking toward me slowly like deranged cultists, and I swear I heard Kinua start giggling at me, enticing me to end this the best way I knew how: agreeing to anything they say.

"OKAY, STOP THAT!!!" I shout, losing my cool, and I feel everyone, even Kinua, though she's still invisible, jump away from me. Then, I try to cool down a second, and continue.
"Fine, I'll be a Brogre, or whatever. just get the damned demon free!" I command, and the two salute like Nazis, postures stiff and militant.

"HEIL HITLER!" they both finally shouted, and then the vanished into the ground, hopefully to accomplish their assigned tasks. Now, on to more pressing matters: getting up the stairs.

"Come on, Kinua, if you're gonna follow me around, you're carrying Luna." I say, and Kinua sighs, becoming visible once more, and follows me up the steps. Yeah, I'm over my fear of stairs now. Frankly, I think it got blown out of the water by the newfound fear of those two. And so, we begin our descent, unknowing of what lay ahead, and frankly not really caring.

Nathan's point of view... is worst, but people want to see it, so here it is.

Finally, after at least an hour of carrying these two down the stairs, and into the infirmary, I gave them over to the medics, who seemed less than surprised that this had happened. After all, there was a psychopath loose in the castle, and there was nothing that could be done to prevent such injury from occurring. Still, it doesn't make any sense. If Malideus has his staff, why isn't he leaving? Already, in less than a day, he brought a full-scale war into the heart of Canterlot itself, and was likely going to destroy the castle now that he had it back.

"Ugh, this is pitiful... Already, a peaceful day has degraded into a slugfest, and I'm powerless to stop it... But what am I if I don't try?" I ponder, thinking of my next course of action. Well, it sure didn't take very long, because withing moments, I remember what I was brought to this world to do: Protect Equestria from Malideus. And right now, Equestria rested with the Princesses' well-being. If I am to defend Equestria, I must protect the princesses until Malideus leaves, and I will stand at the entrance of this room until he does.

"Worry not, O princesses of the sun and moon, I will protect you until my dying breath!" I say chivalrously to the unconcious princesses, which sounds pretty crazy, but I guess I was just assuring myself more than anyone else. Besides, who's going to hear me? So, without further ado, I march to the door, and stand firm guard, maintaining constant vigilance of the hall before me. Yup, nothing was gonna sneak past me! Nothing at all!

"Yep, Nothing will ever get past... huh?" I mutter as I hear a sharp drilling noise, and turn to see... The green goblin, drilling himself through the floor? What the..?

"Ummm..." I mutter in confusion, staring at the green, armored figure... and then he sits down on the same bed as Celestia, and draws his blade. Okay, he's hostile. Charging time!

"Halt, whoever you are! Step away from the princess!" I shout, getting the intruder's attention. However, he just waves at me, and makes a quick remark:

"Wow, you're a tall one." The green... thing says, waving still. Finally, he stops, and I shift my boot, ready to charge him, but he says something that makes me stop dead in my tracks. "Hey, bro, if you charge, you're just going to hit her." The green warrior says, still staring at Celestia's chest. Jeez, what a perv. So, we stand in silence for a bit, when he speaks again:

"You know, I don't kill those who are unconscious, unless I'm paid to do so." The warrior says, and I calm down slightly, but I still remain horrified at the statement.

"You would kill the princesses if ordered!?" I ask, mortified at the notion, but the odd creature before me does nothing except nod.

"As a ninja, it is inevitable. The guards got in the way of my objective, I was bored, and I have no specific orders. What else would I do, pass up the opportunity to stare at boobs? It's been a boring visit so far. Well, apart from the murder." The green demon says, and I feel myself tense at his obvious disregard for life. I then unsheathe my battleaxe, and prepare to attack, but the demon simply shakes his head at me, and reminds me of why I stood still before.

"Please, I can dodge you, but can you be sure of not hitting her?" he asks, and I lower my battle axe, but do not take my eyes off him.

"You say you are a ninja, right?" I ask, remembering all that I know about ninja, the foremost thing being their pride and honor. "I don't particularly like ninjas, but I know they don't serve just anyone, either. Who sent you?" I ask, already pretty sure I knew who it was.

"Shrek." The guy says, and I then realize that he's either a total loony, or he's lying. Also, this gives him away as a human like me: What other race would use 'Shrek' as an excuse like that?

"... What?" I ask, not pleased with the ninja's answer.

"Let me explain: I was nine years old. I loved Shrek. I had all the movies and merchandise. Every night, I prayed to Shrek, thanking him for the life I had been given. Shrek is love, I’d say, Shrek is life-” Okay, I've had enough. I press a finger to my helmet's temple, and try to maintain my cool as I call this guy out.

"You're fucking with me, aren't you?" I reply, and he sighs, raising his hands in defeat.

"Alright, You have me." The ninja says, and I smile beneath my helmet, finally able to glean the answer I want from this petty assassin. "... It was Hitler." He says, and I come THIIIIIIIS CLOSE to losing it.

"Stop bullshitting! It was Malideus, wasn't it? Who else would want the leader of this fair land dead?" I ask, tired of beating around the bush with this psycho. Finally, he sighs, and begins to speak, his tone solemn and serious.

“Fine, you got me. But don’t you dare tell me that I don’t have my own reasons. He didn't order me to kill Celestia, so I don’t. But before you judge me, let me tell you a bit of a story.” the ninja says, and he begins his tale, with me listening.

Oh, for the life of me, I wish I hadn't.

Baaaaack... To Malideus!

"Okay... finally... we're here." I pant, after climbing up the last set of stairs. Remember how I said I wasn't afraid of them anymore? Well, now I am again. These things are out to kill me, I swear! Already, I've almost fallen down them fifteen times, and they're murder on my legs! I hate stairs.

"Yeah, we're here. Now, how do we get them down without alerting the guards, or waking them?" Kinua asks, and I frown upon having to think of that part.

"Eh, I'll think of something." I say, and as I approach the room, I hear a voice talking; a familiar one: YoshiMatandPat. And by the sound of things, he was really chewing someone out. But, by the time we got there, he had already finished, and the guy he was talking to then spoke, his voice clearly audible from the medical wing. "Kinua, stay hidden. I'm going in." I say to my new companion, and she nods, fading from existence. Alright, time to see what's going on here... is that Nathan in that room?

"But… that was YOUR universe. In this one, the princesses are kind, loving beings, they even welcomed me with open arms after I explained myself! Why would you obey someone as horrible and evil as Malideus, going as far as MURDER, when these people have done nothing to you? Why serve a villain without a second thought?” Nathan pleads, and a fart is heard from the room, obviously from Yoshimica. But, ignoring that break of wind, I decide to make my dramatic enterance, because why not? It's not like anything unexpected and bad is going to happen.

"Because, Nathan, for all their ignorance, these two know the truth of this world, unlike you.” I say, drawing the attention of everyone in the room, except the sisters, who were unconscious.

“You…” growls the giant, looking like he’s ready to bust a blood vessel.

“Oh, lord… Don’t act so surprised, Nathan.” I retort, rolling my eyes. God, he's such a drama queen. Suddenly, YoshiMatata waves at me, ruining the tense moment AGAIN, and speaks up:

“Oh, hey bro. Charges are set, all I have to do is set them off. By the way, what did you mean about ignorant? We’re insane, we have a right to be total nutcases. Besides, in our universe, our princesses are like yours, and we don’t hold a grudge. They DID try to stop us going on our roadtrip, but that’s about it. You have to understand, Nathan, me and my buddy aren't really evil. We’re more anarchists. Some men… just want to watch the world burn. Besides, if YOU summon us, we’ll fight for you and your Princess. Hell, just go down to the dungeons if you really want to summon us.” he says, but I immediately become tired of his rambling, and interrupt him.

“Enough! I’ve been here three seconds, and I’m already sick of this! Nathan, remove yourself from this room, or I’ll have Yoshimimu do it for you.” I declare, slamming the butt of my staff to the ground in an effort to intimidate everyone. Needless to say, it kinda fails.

“No! As long as the princess is under threat, I will never remove myself from her side! Not while you have even the SLIGHTEST possibility of killing her!” Nathan says, continuing our back-and-forth. Finally, I fucking lose it, pointing my staff at the giant imbecile before me, ready to destroy him.

“Idiot, I don’t WANT to kill her! If I did, I’d have ordered Yoshimitsu to have it done! I merely needed a distraction so I could take something back!” I say, glaring at the princesses, when I hear a low rumble, and Tobi drills up from the floor, random as ever.

“U wot m8.” He says, confusing me to no end. What the fuck does that even MEAN?!?

“Hey, Malideus? I set the hambeast free and he’s going on a bit of a rampage.” Tobi then says, and Yoshiwhatsit jumps up, clearly angered at the word.

“Wait, the demon was a hambeast? Screw this.” He says angrily, lifting his armour and revealing odd tags all over his chest.
“Explain what this means, Malideus, or I’m blowing us all to hell!” Yoshitatas demands, and Tobi nods.

“Yeah, I’ve got my own notes on as well!” He lifts his shirt, revealing that both of them literally covered themselves in enough tags to completely level this section of Canterlot, if those things did what I though they did. Suddenly, both me and Nathan jump back in shock, and I put my staff up in an effort to protect myself, but Celestia just twitches, mumbles something, and turns over.

“What the hell?! You two are loonies!” Nathan cries, and I start thinking the same thing, though I take a calmer approach to it, albeit barely. Seriously, what the fuck was I thinking, letting these crazy fucks loose!?

“Woah, woah, take it easy, both of you! I don’t know WHEN I ordered you to set explosives, but I’m telling you right now, well, more like asking: Isn’t this a bit extreme!?” I ask, my panick mode kicking in a bit faster than I'd liked. Yoshimiru then shrugs, and replies calmly.

“Extreme? Sounds like you’re too sane. Tell you what, Tobi, how about we play a game?” Tobi then bounces happily, clapping at the mention of the unspecified game. “Are we playing Fifty-Fifty?” He asks, and I suddenly get a very bad feeling about this game.
Yoshi... you know what, I'll just call him yoshi. Anyway, he nods, and explains this rather unpleasant-sounding game to us both:

“When we wanted revenge, this is what we did. We shoved an explosive note into a captive’s mouth, and flipped a coin. Fifty… fifty.” He then raises a coin he pulled from his pocket, flipping it for demonstration.
“If it’s heads, then everything goes boom. Got it? Unless, Malideus, you tell us what the purpose of the hambeast was.”
Jeez, is that all he wanted? How fucking psycho ARE these guys?! Finally, after no thought on my part, I raise my arms in a gesture of surrender, and proceed to explain everything.

“Alright, alright! Look, you two, I didn’t know you guys had a thing against hambeasts, whatever that means, but come on, it was just a distraction, I already explained that! All I wanted was for Gondon to wreck the lower halls, so I could get to Celestia. Then, I was going to kidnap her, take her to the lair, and mine her for power. You know, bad guy stuff! There, I explained my whole plan to you psychopaths! You happy?!” I calmly explain, and Nathan butts in immediately:

“You don’t get the right to call THEM psychos, when you blew up a city full of civilians IN A MECH!”
Something then snaps in the two insane ninjas before me, and they lean in close, suddenly interested in me

“Whoa, did you just say mech?” At this sudden outburst, I nod. Weird.
“Tobi.” Yoshi finally says, getting his friend's attention.

“Yes, sempai?” Tobi replies.

“I think that we should take a photo for this glorious day.” Yoshi says, and Tobi's posture suddenly shoots upright, and I could practically feel him smile from behind his mask.

“Aye aye!” Tobi summoned his camera and took a quick picture.
“Picture taken!” Tobi says, and then Yoshi laughs, and points to his tags, confusing me and Nathan both.

“All of the tags we’re wearing are fakes. But the ones we planted aren’t.” He explains, spiking my blood pressure, and visibly raising Nathan's but before we can act on it, the green chucklefuck darts up to Nathan and I, resting a hand on each of our heads before we can react. Then, he speaks again.
“I want things to be interesting. So, as a gift, I grant both of you the chakra power.”
Yoshi then roared as 'chakra' poured through his arms, and we both screamed in unison as his so-called 'chakra' flooded our systems. Upon this happening, both of us didn’t even have time to question me before the screaming started, and surprisingly, big guy went down first, and I proceeded to twitch a while longer, before collapsing onto my knees.

"I fucking hate ninjas..." I mutter, and then I slump, still on my knees. After that, I simply remember blacking out, and when I wake, I see the two chucklefucks in front of me, giggling like psychos. Oh, wait, they were psychos!

“What the shit..? Why does it feel like my head is going to explode? And why is the Australian national anthem stuck in my head?” I asks, feeling quite pissed that some stupid song I barely knew was playing in my head on repeat, and Nathan gets up, grumbling angrily.

“Speak for yourself, you PISS-ANT FUCKNUGGET COCK-MONGERING BROGRE PIECE OF EVER-FUCKING SHIT WHORE!!!!!” Nathan suddenly screams before he could finish his real sentence, and promptly covers his helmet where his mouth would’ve been, the blush on his face visible through his closed helmet. Okay, this was beyond weird, and right into the fucked-up zone.

“What..? What the hell did you do to us, you demented ninja?” I ask, Trying to maintain my cool.
Tobi grinned. “It’s simple. You two looked into Sharingan, and I taught you how to use our ninja-jutsu! Also, I implanted the commands because they were funny as shit. Don’t worry, I implanted no other commands.” He says gleefully, and Yoshi interjects.
“We’re not doing this because we’re evil, we’re doing this because we can. You see, we’re gadflies really. We provoke to see response.” He says, laughing like a madman.

“Art is an infinite explosion... just kidding, we don’t really have explosive tags.” They then proceed to laugh as we collapsed, too tired for this shit. Honestly, I feel bad for whatever Celestia has to put up with these two: they are a curse I wouldn't force on ANYONE, even this world's Celestia.

“I hate summoning phantoms…” I finally mutter before getting up, and walking out of the room, ignoring my previous target.

“Hey, where do you think YOU’RE going, you PISS-AND-CUM-COVERED RAT-FACED MAN-WHORE OF A FUCKING DONKEY!!!!” The big guy roars, covering his ‘mouth’ afterwards.

“I’m done with this! I’m taking Gondon and going home, you can keep your slut of a princess!” I angrily say, walking away from the horrible scene behind me. Finally, I take my leave, and I quickly cast an unsummon spell at the two, sending them back to their world with a vengeance, hopefully giving them headaches in the process: they deserve it.

"Hey, Mal... you okay?" Kinua asks, and I pat her head, officially out of reasons to hate her.

"Yeah, let's just find Gondon and get out of here." I say, walking down the stairs. Soon, we meet up with Gondon, he follows us, and we make our way to the cave, where I want nothing more than to relax.

Oh, I really hope nothing bad happened while I was gone, or I'm going to be pissed.

Author's Notes:

It's done! Alright, this is a minor (and terrifying) crossover with Screw the rules, we're on a road trip.

I hate those two assholes now more than I have hated anyone before, but at least they're (mostly) helpful.

Well, see you in the next rebellion-filled chapter, heathens.