It was a wonderful day. I mean, really, nothing can ruin it. A city is burning, all hostiles are either dead, or fleeing for their lives, and the sky is red from all the fire and blood mist in the air, courtesy of my awesome, indestructible H.O.U.N.D. Now, the only thing that could ruin it was if Celestia came with some kind of superweapon of her own, like an orbital friendship cannon, or something. However, I don't see her anywhere, so I can only guess that she chickened out... again. Still, I feel kinda sad: I was really looking forward to showing her my new toy, and watching her get frustrated over not being able to destroy it. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to... wait... what's that noise?

"What in the..?" I ask myself as a loud bang sounds through the cockpit along with serious-sounding alarms, causing me to stumble from the force of the H.O.U.N.D's shaking. After I recover, I quickly turn to the H.U.D. in an attempt to see what exploded, and as I do, I see that the generator, which was between the cockpit and the chassis, has been hit hard despite the shields on its front and back. Literally, it was already at less than half integrity, and I only got hit once. What is this fuckery?!

"What the..?! What the hell just hit me?!" I ask, dumbstruck. I begin to turn the H.O.U.N.D's cockpit about-face, too see what shot me, but I am rewarded with no sight of any cannons, or even a pony... Well, at first, anyway. Suddenly, before I can turn around, a white figure shoots up in front of my cockpit, and I yelp at the suddenness of it, jumping back as the scowling figure hovers there. What? I get jumpy sometimes, don't judge me. Anyway, so, I finally get up after a while, and I see the mysterious, winged pony glare at the cockpit, but it seems she can't see me, though I can see her... and the weapons she's packing. A lance and a shield, who ELSE saw that coming? Still, how did THAT pierce my armor?! That's bullshit! Besides, there was only one pony in the world who could do this much damage to anything I made, and that was... Oh.

"You fucking bitch..." I mutter, finally realizing who this mysterious assailant was: Celestia. Suddenly, in response to my silent curse, Celestia bangs her lance on the cockpit window, and points into it, calling me out:

"Malideus, You're dead! I'm going to turn this abomination into scrap, and then crush you beneath it when I'm done! You'll rue the day you messed with the princess of the sun, you hear me?! RUE IT!!!" Celestia says, and she rears her lance back for a thrust to my cockpit, attempting to break it to get at me. So, I activate the external speakers, and politely tell her off, utilizing my extensive vocabulary and gentlemanly charm:

"Go eat a dick, you cheap horse knockoff!" I yell, turning the chassis so that the machine guns would slam into her. Unfortunately, she dodges that futile attack, and she grabs the makeshift melee weapon and tries to pull it off. Seeing sparks fly from the guns as the princess tears them off, I begin to panic, and I pull the joysticks back with all my might, causing the walking tank to move backwards and forcing her to let go. Then, I turn my legs around and run, hoping to gain some distance between me and the psychopathic princess so I can hit her with a rocket, or something. However, as fast as the H.O.U.N.D runs, Celestia just flies faster than my H.O.U.N.D can move, and I hear another loud boom as Celestia crashes into the generator again, and another alarm sounds as the generator hits 8% integrity. GOD DAMN IT!!! Now I have to fight fair!

As my H.O.U.N.D slows to a stop to preserve power, I begin to panic again, falling into one of my famous attacks. Immediately, I let my brain take over my actions, and it devises the best plan it can: aim the guns at her, and shoot until something hits her. My body quickly aims the machine guns at the rapidly-approaching, pesky princess, and opens fire. As Celestia sees this, she quickly stops to dip and weave to avoid my bullets, seeming to actually be scared of them. Well, she should be, seeing as these babies can tear through solid steel. However, she doesn't stay distracted by her own survival for long, and as she continues her evasive maneuvers, she quickly takes a potshot at my cockpit in the midst of the bullet storm, and I quickly duck as the window explodes into millions of glass shards that fly everywhere. I quickly let go of the trigger to evade, causing the guns to stop firing, and Celestia, ever the opportunist, takes the chance presented to her to fly to the cockpit, where she finds me ducking behind a seat... Not because I'm scared, or anything, I just wanted to save myself from any stray shards that may still be hanging around. Hey, safety first.

Anyway, to the outside viewers, it may seem that Ol' Sunbutt has won, but in here, as she tries to grab me, I use a powerful stream of lightning to blast her off the cockpit, and she hits the ground hard, thanks to her being temporarily stunned. However, I meant for that blast to be near-lethal, and seeing how it was not, I quickly begin to panic again, realizing that she must be dampening my magic somehow... But how?! I may not know her trick to weakening me, but I do know she won't stay down there forever, courtesy of said trick. So, I quickly rush to the controls and raise my H.O.U.N.D's right foot, and slam it down on top of her as fast as I can. But before I can hear the satisfying crunch of a squashed enemy, I hear gears grind, and I see the foot stuck only a foot or two from the ground, and before I can cuss up a blue streak, I see something that chills me to my very bones: it's moving BACK UP!!!

"Fuck..." I sigh irritably, trying to move the right leg downward as hard as I could push, bet Celestia was soon up, and she was still holding the foot up. I can actually see her now, and boy, does she look PISSED. The princess' face is contorted with rage, as well as the strain of lifting a giant robot's foot, and her sweat is glistening in the sun, soaking her fur, mane and dress, and I begin to wonder if maybe I bit off a bit more than I could chew this time...

"Maaallliiiiideeeeuuuusssss..." Celestia groans through clenched teeth, lifting the foot higher and higher, until I hear more alarms, and something explodes in the pelvic joint, causing it to smoke profusely, and the leg becomes useless, flying backwards, and only moving to catch the H.O.U.N.D before it falls on its back. Now it won't move, and Celestia is climbing up to the cockpit, stopping halfway up to deliver a finishing blow to the generator, which gives a small explosion before dying, then continuing up, and I begin to curse as she reaches the cockpit, ducking behind a chair to hide myself. Maybe I can knock her back down again using the same trick as last time...

"This is bad, this isn't what was supposed to happen..." I mutter hastily, realizing my hopeless situation, and I yelp as Celestia rips me from my hiding place by the back of my robe and tosses me out to the ground below. Then, standing on the H.O.U.N.D triumphantly, she starts her dreaded monologue:

"Malideus... I've had it with you. No more offers, no more capture. As of right now, you're going to die for what you've done here, and I'm going to make it as slow and painful as I can." Celestia yells down, cracking her knuckles afterward, and leaping down to me, stalking toward me like a cat finally catching a mouse... except that THIS mouse has one last mousehole to go through, and it's currently smoking and ready to explode... Wait, bad analogy... Eh, I'll think of something else later. But now, I have my OWN speech to give.

"Some speech, Celestia, but I wouldn't do that, if I was you." I say, and Celestia stops, confused, but she still glares her signature death glare at me, causing me to cringe slightly.

"I won't fall for any more of your tricks, wizard. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you, and I might make this quick." she hisses, and I point to the H.O.U.N.D, which looks ready to blow.

"That, Celestia, is the reason. You kill me, and you'll only have about ten seconds before the engine explodes, including all the fuel reserves, E.M.P.s, and the explosive rounds that it's carrying. If I don't shut that thing down, all that explosive ordinance will not only vaporize the both of us, but likely the whole damned city, in about... five seconds." I say, hearing the alarms blare louder and louder, signalling the impending destruction of the whole city, and I see Celestia look worriedly at the H.O.U.N.D, immediately regretting her decision of damaging the generator so much. I'm not too worried about it, seeing as I can just teleport or shield myself despite the magic-dampening trick she's got going on, but Celestia seems strained by the weight of her choices, and then turns to me and lifts me by my robe, calling my bluff.

"You better shut it down, Malideus, or I won't stop at killing you! I'll destroy you, rebuild you, and I will continue crushing you until your body stops working!" Celestia says, and another explosion sounds, marking the final countdown to inevitable oblivion. So, naturally, I struggle a bit and start to panic. Still, I keep (most of) my cool, and retort:

"Yeah, that sounds like a GREAT reason to stop the obliteration of the entire city, when I could just teleport away." I say, rolling my eyes. I know, it's a pretty big bluff, and one I may not get out of alive, but I have to try. After all, how smart could this pompous old nag be?

"You evil, conniving, monstrous little..." She tries, but I suddenly cough, interrupting her, and I point to the unstable H.O.U.N.D, causing her to sigh: "... You know what, Malideus? I don't care." Celestia says calmly, not letting me go. Oh well, it was worth a... Wait... WHAT!?!?!?

"Wait! Are you NUTS!?" I ask loudly as another explosion rocks the ground, causing the H.O.U.N.D and me to shake. But Celestia stands firm, still holding me over the ground as I struggle.Thanks to her dampening of my power, all my escape options are moot... and judging by her creepy stalker smile, she knows that.

"No, I'm just protecting my country. Now, I have the perfect means to do that. Now, there is no chance for you to escape, and I can protect the future generations from your cruelty." Celestia monologues, and I just stare disbelievingly at her, my eye twitching.

"You do realize that you're just going to kill yourself, too, right!?" I ask finally feeling what's left of my cool slip away, and Celestia nods, still not letting me go.

"Yes. I know I can't stop you any other way, Malideus: If I try to stab you here, you'll just break the lance, or something. If I petrify you, I still wouldn't have had time to escape myself, as you said yourself. This is the only way to ensure that you are gone, and that is to witness it myself. Enjoy your next breath, Malideus, because it's your last." Celestia rants, and no matter how much I struggle, she won't let me go. Well, guess this is it... and to think that, just like my suspicions, it was Celestia after all. I don't know if I should be happy or pissed. Instead, I just settle with... kinda empty, even as the H.O.U.N.D's final explosion sounds from behind Celestia, who keeps me looking at it.

"If you have any last words, Malideus, say them... nopony's going to hear them anyway." Celestia says, still wearing the same shit-eating grin.

"... I hate you, Celestia." I say grumpily, glaring at her.

"I hate you, too, Malideus." Celestia says, still grinning, and I watch with sadness as the explosion finally takes place. The H.O.U.N.D. rumbles with an internal disturbance, sparks fly as plates fall off, and, finally, the right side of the massive tank goes off in a furious display, then the left, and then a loud, giant explosion rips through the air... but it's not giant. No, the H.O.U.N.D just explodes like any normal tank, maybe a bit bigger, blowing hot wind and the smell of burning gasoline in our faces, but ultimately doing little else. Afterwards, all it does is shower us with tiny bits of metal, and both of us just stare in disbelief at the still-standing husk of the H.O.U.N.D, which is still smoldering, but is pretty much done exploding. Celestia just stands wordlessly, still looking at the mech's blackened, skeletal husk, and she looks about to say something, but doesn't... I don't think she can. So, it's up to me to break the ice... again.

"Booo!" I shout, disrupting the silence by voicing how incredibly lame that explosion was, considering the over-dramatic build-up leading up to it. I seriously got manhandled for ten long seconds for THIS!? I want my ten seconds back!

"What... was that..?" Celestia asks, blushing at her own stupidity. Honestly, I can't blame her, seeing how I fell for it, too.

"One lame-ass explosion, that's what. I want my money back!" I say in response, and Celestia drops me as her left eye twitches uncontrollably.

"So... you were bluffing?" Celestia asks, still staring at the H.O.U.N.D's mortal remains.

"No, I actually thought I was going to die. Still, that was a nice romantic gesture. Crazy and totally scary, but flattering." I say, and Celestia almost jumps, blushing furiously.

"WHAT!? What are you talking about?! As if I would fall for you!" Celestia shouts, and I kinda believe her, but I still press on.

"Oh, please, I know you're into me, you have it all over your face. Plus, everyone knows you dig the bad boys..." I say smugly, and proceed to walk away from a fuming Celestia, who looks ready to explode herself.

"Your jokes won't save you this time, Malideus! I said you were going to die, and you're going to die! And because you ruined the peacefulness of the moment, I'm going to bring you back to life after I kill you, just so I can kill you again!" Celestia yells, and I sigh, turning around.

"I figured it wouldn't be that easy, so I prepared a contingency plan, seeing as your weaponry seems to be dampening my magic prowess." I say, and Celestia casts a bemused look at me.

"Oh, really? By all means, what is it?" Celestia asks, getting close to me, and looking ready to stab me if I try to run. Thankfully, I'm not going to... that lance looks like it would really hurt, especially the way she probably intends to use it. So, I activate my ultimate contingency plan, pulling out an old friend I haven't used in a long time...

"So, Celly, I hope you remembered your contact lenses today." I say, and Celestia looked shocked as I proceed to pull out my not-so-secret weapon... Oh, stop it! Get your mind out of the gutter, you perv!

"Contacts? Why would I... oh." Celestia suddenly freezes up as realization washes over her like a tidal wave, and without a second's notice, I fling out my granulated weapon at her:

"Pocket sand!" I exclaim, and Celestia screams as the sand enters her eyes, resulting in a nostalgic moment that leaves me laughing while Celestia falls to her knees, crying in pain.

"WHY DID I FALL FOR THAT?!" Celestia screams, and I remain laughing, on the verge of tears.

"Ha! Where is your brand now, doofus? Ha ha h-" as I laugh, Celestia swings her lance at me, hitting me across the face with such force, it almost breaks my neck. "... Ouch..." I mutter, falling to the ground as Celestia gets up, trying to clear the pocket sand from her eyes.

"You filth! First murder, now this?! I HATE YOU!!!" Celestia screams, swinging her lance wildly at me, which I promptly dodge, and I raise my staff, and swing it at her. I hit her across her head, but she seems unfazed as she charges up some hind of nasty-looking spell, leaving me no time to dodge it.

"Uh oh." I say, sweating beneath my armor as she casts her ultimate attack, forcing me to dodge. But I dodged too late, and the spell hits me dead in the chest, sending me flying into a crumbling wall, which finally decides to crumble onto me. Thank god I'm wearing armor... Oh... wait... spell's kicking in...

"Just let it be, Malideus. It'll all be over, soon..." Celestia says as she slowly approaches me, but I manage to push the bricks away, and stumble out of the pile.

"Get bent... you crazy old nag..." I say, on the verge of vomiting. Seriously, what did she do to my insides, but a bomb in them? Anyway, so I grip my staff tightly as the wave of sickness and pain washes over me, and use it as a crutch to run away, but Celestia easily catches me, lifts me up, and observes me cautiously, as if she expected something else to happen.

"I don't get it... you should be dead by now..." Celestia says softly, as if more confused than angry, like I'd expect if something like that failed on me.

"No... but I wish I was..." I say, and I start to chuckle, but I immediately double over in pain, as my guts feel like they're going to be ripped apart. However, Celestia looks a bit frustrated at my pun, and seems to ponder something, before she finally drags me off, hoisting my limp body over her shoulder.

"I may need to ask Twilight about this; She might know what's going on here." Celestia says, drawing my attention.

"What..? So, it's not enough that I'm in pain, you have to put me in the same room as your insane former student?" I ask, and Celestia sighs, but still replies.

"You're an odd case, Malideus. Nothing we have tried on you has worked, and I want to know why. I don't have the details, but I suspect that your power goes further than some stolen artifacts, and that same power is what's causing this jump from being a nuisance to being a murderer. However, I don't have enough evidence to know what that power is; That's where Twilight comes in. As soon as we glean whatever your power is, we will extract it, which has a high possibility of killing you. In the end, everyone gets what they want." Celestia says, and I object:

"I don't. I want to live and NOT get studied..." I mutter, But Celestia ignores me, and presses a hand to my forehead, causing me to feel drowsy.

"You don't count. Now, sleep." Celestia, says, and after some mental struggling on my part, I resist the wave of sleepiness to make one last scream for help:

"HELP, SHE'S GOING TO RAPE ME!!!" I scream, and then I succumb, going out like a light...

Celestina's point of view. Joy.

Finally... After all this time, and after defeat after agonizing defeat, I have Malideus. It took an hour and several sore muscles, but I have captured the nuisance at last. As I hoist the slumbering wizard over my shoulder, I feel anxious to just get back home and forget this nightmare ever happened. After all, don't I deserve it? I worked really, really hard for this point, and now Malideus is going to be locked away forever, and his fledgling empire is going to crumble. However, as I take off, I feel the sorcerer twitch, and I feel... odd, like something has just grabbed me, but mentally. I wonder what this odd sensation is, but knowing this faker of an overlord, it's likely my own paranoia getting the better of me... that is, until it speaks:

"You think you're just being paranoid... you keep thinking that." the presence says, and I almost lose my balance, coming very close to dropping Malideus.

"What..?! Who are you? Show yourself!" I shout, but I immediately blush, feeling stupid. I shouldn't shout at voices after all. Besides, it's probably just one of Malideus's last-ditch illusions to scare me out of capturing him... right?

"I? I'm whoever you want me to be... and even whoever you don't. But, you may call me, for simplicity's sake... The Narrator." The presence replies, dashing my last hopes of this being a product of Malideus.

"The 'Narrator'? What... what are you? Explain yourself, before I purge you from my head!" I threaten out loud, mostly out of habit, and the presence laughs, an evil, deceitful laugh, and responds in a hateful tone that makes my blood run cold:

"You'll find that quite impossible, Celestia, as I am no more in YOUR head than I was in Malideus's. And even if I was, you'll find that I am MUCH harder to get rid of than you think." The voice replies, causing me to shiver at it's sheer cynicism, as if whatever was speaking had no regard for life, and no respect for anything. But it called itself the Narrator... so who's story was it telling?

"No one's. I am simply telling it as I see it, never intervening, never getting involved... most of the time, anyway." The voice taunts, and I feel a familiar fear creep into my spine as it chuckles, but why? As far as I know, this thing, whatever it is, can't hurt me. After all, it's just a voice, a narrator.

"So you think..." the voice interrupts again, and I've finally had enough of it.

"Why do keep replying to my thoughts? What do you want?" I ask irritably, snapping at the sinister voice as it caresses my mind, gradually making coherent thought more and more difficult.

"Keh heh heh... Haven't you already figured that out, Celestia? I may not be in your head, but I can see everything that goes on inside it, from your most obscure thoughts, to your most distant, private memories. And as for what I want, I want you to let my champion go, before I put you in the same situation as your sister." The voice says, and all my fear vanishes in that instant, replaced by sheer anger and accusation.

"You twisted phantom, what did you do to our sister?!" I snap, my anger causing me to slip into the old 'royal we' I used to use. The voice, however, ignores me, and laughs at my anguish, and I begin to feel only dread as he grips my mind again, causing my vision to blur, and a horrible ringing to sound in my ears.

"You saw it yourself, Princess, I changed her. Your enemy Malideus foolishly thought it was HIS doing when he changed people by slapping them, but it was really all me. When Whip was struck by Malideus, the brief contact let me switch one little hormone in her brain, alter one little trait... and she immediately fell for him, becoming a masochist in the process. Similarly, When Malideus stuck Luna, inserting those feelings into her mind was as easy as swapping letters in postage. Then, when Malideus grappled her the second time, well... I made sure she would never interfere with my champion again. At least, until the boy wakes her up himself. And now, with your prolonged contact, I have established perfect communication with you, to send you the perfect message: Release him, or die." The voice says, squeezing my brain, and I begin to lower in altitude, feeling drowsiness set in. I can't just let this nuisance go, but if this thing is true, and has been playing the violent sorcerer like a pawn, then I have to find a way to remove it before it does any more damage. But first, I have to make it back to the castle without falling to my death. So, in the haziness of my mind, I produce a plan: distract it.

"Why should... I release him... if you're just going to kill everyone anyway?" I ask tiredly, and the presence seems to withdraw in shock, but does not let go. Finally, it answers:

"Because, if you live for now, you might at least stand a chance. However, with both rulers down, Equestria will have more to worry about than a wizard and his demon army. Riots will boil out, nations will turn on each other, and the world will spiral down into chaos, until your precious ponies are in the same spot as before: bickering over territory, in tribes they barely control, as the elements and other countries waste them away to extinction. And this will happen, Celestia, because you wanted to take the easy way." The voice monologues, and as he finishes, I begin to see Canterlot in the horizon. But still, I'm not close enough. I still have to keep the voice talking, so I can drop Malideus off without suffering any losses.

"You think my ponies so simple? I have a third princess ready to take the throne, and many allies to govern in my absence. I'll bet that even if you win, and I succumb to you, my ponies will go on, and you can't do a thing to stop them..." I bluff, and the voice laughs maliciously, his voice grating and metallic, and he calls my bluff:

"Is that so, child? Do you truly have so much faith in those weak-minded peons you call subjects?" The voice asks, and I doubt myself for thinking it, but I know they can't exist without me until Twilight is ready, and that's why I have to keep talking: So I can lock this thing's so-called 'champion' away forever, where he can't hurt anyone else ever again.

"I do." I say simply, and the voice remains quiet for a bit, but then speaks up, his tone just as condescending as before:

"Would you, perhaps... care to wager that?" the Narrator asks, causing me to tense up.

"Wager? Why would I deal with the likes of you?!" I ask, and the Narrator laughs evilly, then replies:

"Why not? You have nothing to lose. I'll put my money, as it were, on Malideus destroying you all and freeing me. You, however, put your bet on your ponies, and the loser... well, we'll cross that bridge when we get there." the Narrator says vaguely, and I almost refuse, but at the rate I'm going, I'll never make it if I stop talking now. I don't know what I'm getting into now, but I know I'm going to regret it later. Still, I have to accept his bet, if only to buy me a few more seconds.

"... Fine, I accept your bet." I say solemnly, and I can feel the voice's glee as it laughs at me, its harsh, metallic voice grating my senses, and I suddenly feel very, very cold before the voice speaks again:

"Then it's a deal. But I warn you now, Celestia, I will win. And when I do, this world will see its end, as well as everyone on it." the Narrator says,but I'm finally over the city, and I quickly drop down, causing the voice to cry out in shock of its deception. Then, before it can do any damage to me, I drop Malideus, severing my connection to him, and therefor the Narrator. Before I know it, my head is clear once more, and I see ponies gather around to see my victory, as Malideus lay on the street, unconscious. Indeed, I have won the day, and evil was vanquished once more; Malideus is down, and he will be locked away forevermore...

So why do I feel so bad?

Back to Malideus.

Hours later... I think... I don't know. Well, anyway, I'm still finally up, if just barely. Ugh... Where AM I? I feel like I've been hit by a truck... or two.

"Uhn... Nicol Bolas above, what happened to... oh." I say, seeing myself in familiar scenario: Dark basement, strapped to a chair, and surrounded by flashing equipment. "Oh, hell, not again..." I say, looking around, slowly. Great, drive a mech into a city, and this shit happens. Why do I even bother? I try to break mt straps, but they don't budge. Plus, my staff is gone, so I feel pretty helpless right now. So, I sit there for a bit, and I hear a crash upstairs, causing me to jump. Then, the door opens, and my third least favorite pony finally steps through, acting like she owns the place:

"Hello, Malideus. I see you're well... more or less." says Twilight Sparkle, Celestia's former student. God, I hate her.

"Oh, look, it's mommy's little accident. Go stuff your head back up your teacher's ass and leave me alone, you test tube-sniffing virgin." I say plainly, and Twilight huffs indignantly, but still continues walking to one of her machines, which looks a tad more menacing than the others for some reason... probably because of all the extra Tesla coils and sinister-looking lights on it. She then goes up to a panel on it, presses a few buttons rapidly, and begins her daily monologue, still looking at the screen of her new machine, to my chagrin:

"So... Here we are again... It's been a long time, hasn't it? You know, since you almost killed me?" She begins, and I groan.

"Last I checked, I saved your purple ass, you ungrateful ankle-biter." I snap, but Twilight ignores me, focusing on her screen.

"Well, as we know, that's in the past. And besides, you are right: If it wasn't for you saving us from those demons, as well as helping us take back Canterlot, we wouldn't be here, having this discussion. So, as thanks, you and I are going to have a lot of fun, as Celestia has commissioned me with a very important mission: Finding whatever it is that is making you so abnormally powerful." Twilight explains, and I, for once, am confused. Why would they want to find this drivel out, when they could just kill me and be done with it at this point?

"What the ever-loving fuck are you going on about?" I ask, and Twilight turns to me, an expression of curiosity on her face.

"You mean you didn't know? Celestia said she cast a spell with the exact same effects as the wards we put around our cities, but it did nothing but cause you minor physical pain..." I cut her off at that last part to laugh at her.

"Minor?! I almost died, it hurt so much! You people are fucking psychopaths, you know that?!" I cry, and Twilight slams her fist on a machine, and glares daggers at me.

"WE'RE the psychopaths?! You just slaughtered an entire city of innocents ten hours ago, you dangerous, loud, lunatic!" Twilight yells back, and I tense up.

"That bitch knocked me out for TEN HOURS!?" I exclaim, my anger breaching normal levels, which usually are around the point where a normal guy has an aneurysm and dies. Horribly.

"Yes, it was, unfortunately, a longer flight than Celestia thought, due to several minions of yours chasing her in an attempt to retrieve you. I must admit, Malideus, you really know how to get people to like you as a leader. Too bad they can't get in the city this time to save you." Twilight says, and I lower my head in a gesture of final defeat.

"yeah, that does kinda suck." I say, staring ahead, at the door. I hate to admit it, but I kinda wish I didn't piss Celestia off now.

"Indeed. But, on the upside, The research I'm going to conduct will prove to be quite helpful! Soon, we'll see just what makes your powers tick, and maybe use it for ourselves! But first, we have to do some tests, some physicals, maybe a scanning or two of your brainwaves. Oh, I'm just giddy to see what we'll find!" Twilight exclaims happily, and I go immediately into 'panic' mode upon the mention of physicals, and anyone can guess why.

"Hey, no physicals! If you probe me, I swear to Nicol mother-fucking Bolas that I'll tear your horn off again and shove it so far up your ass, it'll come right back out your forehead!" I yell, but Twilight ignores me, and she finally leaves her machine, and attaches some wires to various points on my robe and exposed armor in preparation of something sciencey.

"Now, I'm going to test your aura real quick. Stay still, so the wires don't come off, and relax... this isn't the part that might kill you, that part comes later." Twilight says creepily, and I feel this whole thing is a bit surreal. I mean, come on, how did I lose to begin with? I'm Malideus, for crying out loud!

"When I get out of this chair, I'm going to eat your soul!" I threaten quickly, avoiding going into a monologue.

"Not this time, Malideus. This time, you won't be deceiving anyone. You will remain down here, and there are no keys, and no guards, just you and that chair." Twilight finally explains, but I honestly can't find a fuck to give anymore. Well, they beat me, so there. Like I said many times before, I am many things, but a coward is not one of them. Although, honestly, I do feel that this is kind of a fucked-up way to end a story. Jeez, what I wouldn't give to get out of these binds, at the very least... Suddenly, my thoughts are interrupted by a sharp twinge of pain where the wires were planted, but I ultimately don't give any signs of being affected. Give a bitch an inch, and she'll give you a mile, so I give her nothing. She doesn't seem to notice my lack of action, though, and is staring intently at her machine's screen, her face turning from an expression of curiosity into one of horror, which really confuses me. Surely my aura isn't THAT horrifying... is it?

"This is absurd... I haven't seen something this crazy and mismatched in years!" Twilight finally says after some silence, and she finally turns the machine off, allowing me to relax and breathe. God, that actually hurt, kind of... And through my armor, no less! But before I could say anything about the ordeal, Twilight walks over to me, and begins removing the wires she attached to me. Then, she says something that chills me to the bones, and definitely spikes my blood pressure:

"Alright, skip the physical. We're going to try something else." Twilight says, causing me to jump.

"What, did you find something ELSE you can't figure out, you over-reactive shut-in?" I sneer, and Twilight glares at me, but ultimately does nothing.

"Well... it seems your aura is a peaceful one, but your behavior indicates otherwise. On that note, I want to see what goes on in that head of yours, which is why I'm going to stimulate a few parts of your brain, so I can see what's being blocked off, or actively over-stimulated." Twilight explains, and I begin to cringe at the thought of how painful this was going to be. Besides, what if she poked the part of me that caused me to berserk again? If I go through that, I may never come out of it, and that thought scares me: trapped in unconsciousness, while my body, which likely has mutated at that point, goes on a massive rampage. Yeah, no thanks.

"Yeah, how 'bout no." I say simply, moving my head away from the crazy anthropomorphic alicorn.

"You act like you have a choice. I'm going to remove your helmet anyway, so let's just get this over with, you know, for science." Twilight says, reaching for my helmet, but I move it further away from her, and she growls irritably as she reaches again, but I quickly move it beyond her reach again, infuriating the nerdy princess as she moves around the chair in a futile attempt to catch my elusive head. However, my skills in all things evasive prevent her from catching my helmet, and she quickly gives up trying to catch it.

"Are you done, princess?" I taunt, smirking beneath my helmet. Twilight, however, glares daggers at me, then sighs, and starts smiling herself.

"I was hoping we could be civil about this, but it seems you have forced my hand." Twilight says, and an aura appears around my head, causing the helmet to levitate up, and I quickly go into panic mode, screaming as I kick my legs so hard, my chair falls backwards and interrupts her spell, much to her chagrin.

"Graah! Stop being so childish!" Twilight says, going around to get my helmet off my head, and I naturally retort.

"I'M being childish?! What the hell is your obsession with seeing my face?!" I cry, still trying to keep my head away from Twilight.

"Just... hold... still!" Twilight demands, climbing on top of me to reach my helmet. Then, just as she's about to pull it off, I use both my legs to lift her up, and then I kick her to the other side of the room.

"Ha! Suck it, Twit-Light! No one parts me with my attire!" I proclaim triumphantly, but I'm currently strapped to a tipped-over chair, so it doesn't really look as triumphant as it feels. Even so, Twilight gets up, definitely not happy, and starts stalking toward me, huffing and puffing. Uh oh.

"That's IT! You're DEAD!" Twilight exclaims, charging a magic bolt, and I suddenly get a brilliant idea: If this bolt does what I think it does, then all I need to do is tilt my chair over me, and I'm free. So, without delay, I flip myself over so the chair is between me and princess psychopath, and before she can stop herself, the spell is cast, and the chair explodes, releasing me from confinement, and causing Twilight to freeze, and blush heavily in embarrassment at her blunder. So, naturally, I take the opportunity presented to me to wreck this bitch's shit for good. I may not have magic, but I have armor and hand-to-face skills, which will do just fine for me right now.

"Should've left me alone... Now you're gonna pay." I threaten, cracking my knuckles.

"You... you don't have any real magic! You can't hurt me!" Twilight stammers, backing away. Clearly, she's still afraid of me, despite me having "no magic".

"Obviously, since you stole my staff. However, I can still crush your skull between my legs, and there's nothing you can do to stop me this time." I say, and Twilight takes exception to this statement, charging a bolt and casting it at me. However, I quickly dodge to the left, then rush the princess low, tackling her legs. Then, while she's down, I lift her up by the legs, spin her around a couple of times, then throw her into one of her various machines, destroying it in the process. I stay there for a bit to catch my breath, but as soon as I turn to leave, I hear a loud groan, and I see Twilight get right back up, and climb out of the wreckage to stop me. But, 'tis in vain, for as soon as she gets up, I pick up a piece of metal from the crushed machine, inspect it for imperfections, and quickly throw it at her fat head as hard as I can, and it hits her with a solid 'thump', knocking her right back out.

"Weak... Well, see you later, scrub." I say, walking out the door to the basement, and into the main room of the house, which must've been lent to Twilight after I took over Ponyville and burned her old one down. So, I walk into the main room, expecting to find my staff somewhere up here, but as much as I search, I can't find it, enraging me greatly. In fact, I almost go down there to extract the whereabouts of my staff from Twilight via torture of the most painful varieties, but the door opening interrupts me, and in walks Twilight's lackeys, all looking surprised, and another giant, armored figure. I don't know who this chump is, but he doesn't look happy to see me, either. Aw, hell...

"M-Malideus!!!" the Mane Six (sans one) cry, pointing at me, and the armored figure grunts, stepping between me and the ponies, and pointing his giant axe at me.

"Don't worry, girls! I got this guy!" the warrior says, and before I can react, he swings his axe high, forcing me to duck, and I quickly get up and roll between his legs, getting behind him. Unfortunately, this puts me in front of five terrified ponies, who leap to grab me, and manage to each grab a peice of me in an attempt to weigh me down, but they forget: Though my staff is gone, I still retain some of my stolen power. So, using this knowledge, I electrocute my own body, zapping the five mares, and they let me go, falling to the floor in a twitching fit. Unfortunately, the giant mass of armor has turned around, and he swings his axe again, catching me in the side and throwing me into a wall, which I'm practically embedded in at this point. Well, so much for a quick escape.

"Alright, punk, now I'm gonna end you, right here, right now! This is the end of you, Malideus!" The figure exclaims, prepping his axe for one last swing. But, that warrior's voice... I know that voice! Ohhh... but where..? At last, before he strikes me, I speak, causing him to stop mid-swing:

"That voice... You sound so familiar..." I croak, and the armored figure freezes up, and seems to look at me inquisitively, cocking his head to the side as he analyzes me.

"... Yeah... You too..." He says, lowering his axe. As he inspects me, I manage to wriggle my self free, and the shocked interloper stiffens, then readies his axe again, but I dodge to the side before he can use the massive weapon, and I quickly pick up the nearest unconscious pony and throw her at him, not paying attention to who it was, and that buys me enough time to kick the door down and run, as the iron giant's catching the thrown pony to prevent any harm from befalling her. Hmph, stupid heroes. So, that done, I make my daring escape into the streets, and everyone breaks into a blind panic upon seeing me, and the masses trample each other in an attempt to get away from me, leaving me in the open for anyone to find, which, surprise surprise, actually happens. First, I hear the stomping of metal boots, and then I see him, the metal behemoth, rushing toward me through the crowd. I can't take him as I am now, so I quickly evade him, running through the streets away from the warrior in a blind rush, and I try to make my way outside of the city again. But Celestia's guards have other plans, and I stop as a blockade sets up at the end of the street, forcing me to turn the other way... except that the other way only yields a giant, hulking mass of metal that is charging at me with the intention of taking my head off.

"Aww, hell..." I mutter, looking at the rock and the hard place I'm stuck between. I don't have a lot of time to think... but I work best under pressure anyway, so let's see what I can come up with now...

Author's Notes:

Yeah, this wasn't my favorite chapter of all time, but to make it up to you all, here's some more useless knowledge on some more (possibly) irrelevant old gods!

N'Wahlgath: 'New' old god of fear and patron of all things abominable and eldritch. Despite his charge, however, he is an agreeable deity, and is a known ally of Kherrie, though he despises Klein for obvious reasons. N'Wahlgath has many forms he takes, but prefers to appear in the form of a giant, demonic centipede-like demon.

Su-Bak-Na: Old god of evil and deceit. One of the most jealous, conniving, and influential old gods, he is one of the only original old gods to achieve immortality, and had done so by tricking Ragnek, the old god of endings, into granting the coveted power of eternal life to him alone. Afterward, he betrayed Ragnek by aiding the other old gods in trying to defeat him. He hasn't been seen or heard from in millenia, so his preferred form and whereabouts are unknown, though it is rumored that when Ragnek was banished to Tartarus, he dragged Su-Bak-Na with him to his fiery prison.

Yaw-Gammoth: 'New' old god of war and strength, and direct descendant of Kiv, old goddess of darkness and shadows. Though he often assumes the form of a heavily-armored male humanoid, much like Tyrranax, he has a fiery passion for the female gender, and often plays the role of 'heroic white knight' just to get into the pants of various unsuspecting damsels. Hey, a guy's gotta have goals, immortal or not.

Liam-Na: 'New' old goddess of passion, lust, and hate, descended from Keenok, old god of misfortune. Liam-Na, in her youth, was a rebellious and rambunctious child, though she always sought to please her father by assisting him in his charges, using her natural feminine wiles to captivate others into situations they could not get out of. Eventually, this became her charge in itself; seducing mortals and causing false emotions such as lust and infatuation to spread among them. Her form varies, though it is always sexual in some way, for obvious reasons. Liam-Na hates Kherrie, Yaw-Gammoth, Klein, and Tyrranax, but always allies herself with Keenok, Kragda-Maul, and Goblada.

Goblada: Old god of stone and earth, he presides over mountains. He often appears to mortals as a giant stone golem, enjoys riddles, and despises the races for attempting to harness his elements. He and Celestia have scrapped once when she was but a filly, and she almost died that day, leaving her unable to even mention his name, which is said to call upon the wrath of the mountains and caves when said out loud. He has taken a special interest in Malideus's ideals, and is currently pending whether to actually help him or not. He is Allies with Klein and Kherrie, but direct enemies with Luft, Goddess of the wind.

Klein: Old god of order and laws. Klein is an unusual old god, for he seems to actively transcend all physical and spiritual laws, even those he has laid out himself, making him a virtual god among old gods. This ability to go beyond planar laws also has passed onto his two children, Moebius, 'new' old god of singularities and permanence, and Nielk, 'new' old goddess of laws and order. He is quite uptight, and though he knows his end is soon, he has full confidence in his children, and retains his vigilance of the quantum order even in his relatively old age. He appears as a large, crystalline humanoid composed of quartz, and has many enemies and few allies. He sees Malideus as an affront to his domain, and seeks to dispose of him as soon as possible. His children also share these views, and seek to take active approach as soon as possible.

Gotag-Maw: 'New' old god of consumption and predation. Descended from Luft, He often appears as a large, armored beast of sorts, and enjoys hunting, killing, and eating, despite his mother's protest of such a thing outside of necessity. He is in an odd friend/enemy relationship with Kherrie, and has actively flirted with her more than once, though she never showed any interest. This has led him to become a rather persistent hunter, and a bit of a misogynist. He sees mortals, including Princesses Celestia and Luna, as little more than food, but sees Malideus as a slight exception, a predator second to him, and respects him as such. He is undecided on whether to aid the overlord-to-be or not.

So, there's your lore. If you wanna add to it, put 'em in the comments.

So, will Malideus escape this one intact? Will Celestia figure out who 'The Narrator' is? Will I ever stop asking YOU these questions?

...

Probably not. Later, heathens.