Hello, My name's Chris, not like anyone cares anymore. I'm trapped in this bloody place under the moniker "Malideus", all thanks to that fucking party. It seems pretty outlandish, but I'm seen as some kind of threat to these god-forsaken ponies. I don't even know what they are, but I just call them that because that's what they call themselves. I hate it here, but I guess I'm stuck until I force a way away from here out of someone, where ever "here" is. I guess I should start from the top, since this is more like another story. Here, Let's begin:

Lights. Music. Dancing. All my senses were filled with noise and light, and I was really enjoying it. I had just turned 18 last week, and my friends said they'd invite me to a party, but they somehow turned it into a rave. I guess metal does that to people. Either way, I was having a blast, and nothing was going to ruin this party. Plus, it was a costume party, and I went as a sorcerer of some kind. It was cool; I had a full helmet that covered my entire head and face, an awesome robe that I found while going Halloween shopping last year, and clawed gauntlets that had sharp fingers at least five inches long. In short, I looked awesome. Everyone said so, anyway. Anyways, enough about my ensemble, back to the main topic: The party.

I could go on for days about how awesome it was, except that there were at least ten people in retarded-as-all-fuck My Little Pony costumes, which really dampened my partying spirit, on account that there are but two things I absolutely find loathsome in this world: My Little Pony, and the fags that worship it. It's okay for girls to like it, in my mind, but really, guys? Have some fucking male pride, you jerks! Anyway, back to the story: So, I was just dancing, trying to enjoy the music, when I start to feel a bit weird. I figure that it's normal, considering I had at least two glasses of vodka, and it was bound to catch up to me eventually. So I party on, completely oblivious to this sinking feeling, like a really bad elevator ride, but going sideways, like that crazy elevator from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. The newer one, I mean. Moving on, there was this feeling, and it wouldn't go away, so I walk around for a bit, clutching my head. Suddenly, this Brony, god forbid it should be anyone else, walks up to me and offers me another glass of alcohol. Under normal circumstances, I would have politely told him to take his beer and shove it up his horse-loving ass, but I was both drunk and had that horrible feeling in my head and guts, so I took it, and I'll never know exactly why. Anyway, on with the story.

I take the drink, and walk around for a bit, feeling just fine. However, around 3:45 am, that god-damned sinking feeling comes back with a bloody vengeance, and I try to fight it off, but it just keeps getting worse, and I stumble out of the house the party was in. I try to vomit, but nothing comes out. I try to walk it out, but my legs keep getting weaker. Finally, I see this really bright, colorful flash of light, and I finally pass out.

It seems like hours before I wake up, and I wake up in a field, under an apple tree, and still in costume.

"Weird..." I think, completely oblivious to the fact that I'm nowhere I remember. Not the party, not my house, just this farm in the middle of nowhere. The place looks so peaceful and idyllic, so I just sit there, thinking of what I should do.

"You're likely miles from home, with no way to get back. I'm sure you've just been reported a missing person, and the police probably aren't even looking for you. Ugh... Sometimes I hate my life." I said to myself. After the quick rest, I get up, and pick up my staff, which was part of my costume. Figuring I might need it later, like if I have to hike up a mountain or something, I take it with me as I go away from the farm, figuring that I don't need to bother it's inhabitants. Besides, I doubted that they'd be of much help anyway; they didn't look like the type of folk who'd have a phone, or even a telegraph. So I walk on, in a random direction. I think that if I keep walking, I'll either find a road, or die from exhaustion. Well, I don't really get very far before I'm exhausted, and feeling like resorting to plan B: dying. I don't have a very good job, and not many friends, so I figure I won't be missed. Besides, I'm not scared of dying...too much. Yet I trudge on, sweltering in my robes, and feeling like the only thing keeping me alive is the shade from my helmet. Nonetheless, I'm half-dead, thirsty (for water, not booze), and starving. But I walk on. Suddenly, though, the grace of god shines through, and I see a railroad track.

"Yes! Railroads mean trains, and trains lead to civilization!" I think aloud. So I continue my journey with renewed vigor, and get to a point where I see a village.

"A village? First a farm, now a village? What, did I somehow go back in time?" I ask, obviously frustrated. Believe me, it was about to get worse. So I walk down this railroad for a while, toward the village, but I get this sinking suspicion that I shouldn't go there. I acknowledged this feeling, but I have to ignore it. However, I hear heavy rumbling behind me, and I look behind me. Sure enough, I hear a whistle, like that of a really old-fashioned train, and I see this hideous, purple, tiny train chugging along down the rails. Without thinking, I jump out of the way as it speeds by, chugging merrily down the tracks. I'm disgusted by the horrid thing, but for two reasons: One, it hurt my pride to even look at it, and Two, it looked incredibly familiar, like a bad but distant memory. I distantly recalled one of my friends making me watch an entire season of My Little Pony (and barely surviving the ordeal) when I saw that train, and then I put the pieces together with great horror and disgust: It was the very same train from that thrice-damned show!

"No... No, this can NOT be real, in any way! I'm probably just hallucinating." I said to try and comfort myself, but evidence piled up against my theory: Why would I hallucinate about this horrible show, of all things?

"Maybe it's some kind of horrible, twisted nightmare." A voice within me reasoned. This seemed likely, so I pinched myself to check if I was conscious. I was, unfortunately. That hope dashed, my inner voice reasoned one last theory:

"Maybe we landed in some kind of town that worships the show?" My inner voice asked more than theorized. I was inclined to dash that thought, as I would have heard of something like that happening, but I chose to remain open to that idea for one reason: I was not about to believe I magically teleported to a child's show. Thinking that to be the case, I walked to the village, as much as I REALLY didn't want to, to see if I couldn't find a phone I could bear to hold to my face, and call someone I could stand to talk to. As I walked down, I started seeing people in the streets, but something was... off, for lack of a better word. Something about their heads was odd, but I figured that everyone was just in costume, and I highly considered turning back and taking my chances with the unforgiving wilderness. However, my laziness got the better of me, and I continued my questionable route. As I approached the edge of the village, everyone in the area looked at me like I had grown a second head. I noticed their "costumes", and I was already put in too bad a mood to put up with their shit, mostly on account of how damn detailed they were. Why, I could practically see the fear on their faces as they stared at me.

"What the fuck are you freaks looking at?!" I demanded, sending everyone running for their lives. I'll admit it, I might have overreacted, but my costume wasn't that terrifying. In fact, it was supposed to be more cool than scary. But alas, my refusal to accept the only other remaining theory was too great, but I was going to find out why they ran later. In the meantime, I merely walked through the town, as people shut their blinds and locked their doors. I'll admit, though I despised these people, I felt pretty good about myself as I watched the freaks cower from me. I wasn't sure what to make of it, but I felt pretty powerful, like I could make this town into rubble if I so chose. However, my fun was cut short when someone behind me called out:

"Hey, you! Can I help you with something, or at least know why you're terrorizing these poor citizens?" I turned to the source of the voice, and recognized the freak on first sight: It appeared to be none other than Princess Twilight Sparkle, but anthro.

"Nice costume, you freak. Now go away, I'm trying to get out of this dumb town." I said, unaware of the reality of the situation.

"Costume?! I'l have you know that this crown is the real deal, pal! Who are you, anyway?" The purple creature asked aggressively. I just laughed.

"Real? Let me guess, you think you're "Twilight Sparkle", don't you? You gonna use some "friendship" on me? Ooh, scary." I mocked. Not my best move, but I thought nothing of it at the time. However, I began to have my suspicions when her face started to turn red, and her face turned into one hell of a grimace.

"Don't taunt me! It seems you know who I am, but you don't seem to understand your situation. Tell me who you are, or I'll have to incapacitate you." Princess Twilight demanded. I began to have too many suspicions about this place, but I heeded none of them, and I was still in a pretty pissy mood. So, I responded as aggressively (and foolishly) as possible, and walked up to the odd creature that called itself Twilight.

"You think you're pretty powerful, huh? You got magic, do you? Then why don't you poof your way out of this!" I shouted.

I then pimp-slapped the interloper across the face, sending her sprawling to the ground, clutching her face. It was then I realized two things: One, my gauntlets were now real metal, whereas before they were just plastic, and two, the "person" I just slapped was now bleeding. And not, lightly, but really badly. This meant only two things: One, I was, indeed, teleported to a little girl's show, albeit a screwed-up version, and Two, I just royally fucked up. The second realization was brought to further light when the Purple Princess got up, an indescribable look of sheer hatred and rage on her face.

"I don't think you know how much trouble you're in, sir..." Twilight said menacingly.

I gulped quietly. However, I stood strong. I don't know why, but I felt that I could bluff my way out of this, since I could bluff my way out of anything. Plus, this full helmet blocked my face, so she couldn't tell if I was lying or not. Besides, I was in a little girl show, so why not have some fun with the hapless inhabitants? Deciding my course of action, I cleared my throat, and began in my evillest voice, perfected from years of being Dungeon Master in every game of D&D. (yeah, I'm a nerd, but you're probably a brony, so you can't judge me, freak.)

"Poor, foolish, little mortal... You think it is I who is in any danger? Such naivete... you will make an excellent slave." I said as deeply and evilly as I could. Apparently it was good enough, because Twilight seemed to be cowed by this for a second. However, her face soon turned to one of great determination.

"Who do think you are? You think you can just hit me and get away with it? Just who are you? Answer me, now!" Twilight demanded, and I laughed menacingly in response.

"I? I go by many names, as I have traveled many universes, and felled peasants more powerful and skilled than you, worm. As for my name, you may call me... Malideus." I responded, coining the name off the top of my head. It sounded menacing enough, might as well roll with it, right?

"Well, Malideus, this universe be your last! I'm going to beat you back to wherever you came from!" Twilight shouted, her horn lighting up. At that point, I figured it was time to put up or shut up... forever. Thinking fast, I suddenly remembered where I was: a cartoon. If my gauntlet was metal now, imagine what else changed! Searching my pockets, I found just what I was looking for: Pocket sand!

"Any last words, demon?" Twilight asked, ready to annihilate me.

"Just two, pest." I said in my bad-guy voice.

"What?" She asked. Suddenly, I swept my hands out of my pockets, and flung the granular contents of said pocket at Twilight's eyes, and Shouted at the top of my lungs:

"Pocket Sand!" I yelled as my attack struck home, causing Twilight to scream in pain as she put her hands to her eyes in an effort to remove the sand from them. As Twilight fell to the ground, in tears due to the sand, I made my escape. I ran in the opposite direction as fast as I could, dodging through crowds, or just plowing through them, and dodging between buildings in an effort to lose the princess who was now out for my blood. As I ran past what appeared to be a cupcake shop or something, however, I slammed into another anthropomorphic pony. I didn't see her, but I definitely flipped over her, and we both ended up on our backs. As I got up, I looked around to see who I'd just rammed into, but I saw no one. Until, that is, a pink, furry hand shoved itself in my face, as if wanting me to take it. As I looked up, I saw the last thing I wanted to ever see: She was happy, fuzzy, bouncy, and pink, wearing a light blue tutu, a colorful, poofy shirt, and a similarly colored bow in her hair. The pony I was seeing right now was none other than Pinkie Pie, the most hated on my list of disgusting characters, which was saying something.

"Hya, Friend! Here, let me help you up!" Pinkie Pie said cheerfully.

Angry and confused, I shoved the hand away from my face, and got up, continuing my sprint away from the damnable town. However, Pinkie inexplicably popped up right in front of me, causing me to skid to a halt. Unfortunately, she was too close in front of me, and I ended up slamming into her. This time, though, only I fell down. She then crouched down and tried to make conversation:

"Where's the fire, friend? Are you in a hurry? Ooh, Are you new here!? I've never seen you around before! I need to throw you a party, ASAP! We need cake, confetti, Hey, are you even listening?" The pink nuisance ranted, causing me to clutch my head in pain, except I couldn't reach through my helmet. After getting up, I bolted away from the blubbering pink pest, only to find that she was running right along beside me... Backwards!

"Why are you running? Don't you like parties? Why don't you talk? Are you shy?" She asked. Finally, I had enough. I stopped, turned to her, and loosed my fury:

"NO!!! I'm not shy, I don't like parties, and I don't want to talk to you, or be your friend, or have anything to do with you, you psychotic, autistic, broken-skulled half-wit!!! NOW GET LOST, BEFORE I TEAR YOU A FUNCTIONAL NEW ASSHOLE!!!!!" I screamed as loudly as I could, causing her mane to fly back, then fall flat over her eyes, which were now filling with tears. Then, she started to whimper.

"Oh, god... Don't you start!" I demanded, but to no avail. When she got to the part where she cried, I just walked off. I didn't care about her feelings, and I'm sure that came to bite me in the ass later, but for now, I had to get out of that place. I ran as fast as I could, oblivious to everything around me, until I reached the edge of town. However, a sudden force field blocked my way, and I fell flat on my ass. I then looked behind me to see who was responsible for the outrage... and I immediately wished I hadn't. A familiar purple shape hit the ground behind me, a look of satisfaction on her face. Her eyes looked a bit red, But that was probably from the sand I threw in them.

"I have you now, Malideus! Now, face your sentence like a stallion!" She said, readying a spell. However, I wasn't ready to die any time soon, so I got up, and swished my robe for dramatic effect.

"You can't defeat me, Princess! I'm more than you think I am!" I said, hoping the puzzling sentence would confuse her. However, it did not.

"That may be, but I am the princess here, and you will submit, willingly or not! Now, get on your knees so that I can turn you to stone for a few thousand years." Twilight replied. That option was infinitely worse than death, so I thought of my own way out:

"Okay, Princess, you have me. I will submit willingly, but you must answer me one riddle! Answer correctly, and I shall submit peacefully." I said, and Twilight seemed to ponder this. Finally, she agreed.

"Alright, one riddle. Then you will be arrested." Twilight said, crossing her arms. I smiled as I slowly pulled a smoke bomb from my left pocket, then asked my riddle:

"You are about to be executed. The judge, who is also the executioner, gives you a choice: "If you tell me the truth, I will slay you with a sword. If you tell a lie, however, I will slay you with a spear. What do you say to stay alive?" I asked, and Twilight, pondered this.

"Eh... Hmm... Spear for a lie, sword for the truth... how to answer..." She mumbled, and I stood there, growing more and more bored as I did. Finally, she seemed struck with inspiration, and answered:

"You say "You will slay me with a spear"!" Twilight answered enthusiastically. I just laughed as I thought of her face as I dashed her hopes.

"That is the correct answer, but not the one I was looking for, I'm afraid." I said, and she looked as though I had just slapped her across the face again.

"What?! Then what was the answer you wanted?" She asked, dumbfounded. I just laughed again.

"My answer was: You don't say anything; you escape!" I said, throwing the smoke bomb at the ground.

As smoke exploded everywhere, Twilight reeled back in shock, covering her face in an effort to protect it, and I ran, getting out of sight within seconds, but not out of hearing range, as I could hear Twilight crying out in frustration that I had just duped her, not once, but twice! However, I wasn't enjoying my victory, for I knew she was going to pull something big soon, and I was going to need more than sand and smoke bombs to worm my way out of our next encounter: I needed magic. Unfortunately, I had none. However, I was able to remember something from one episode of the dumb-as-fuck show I was forced to watch thanks to a questionable friend of mine: An Amulet that had serious magic in it. What was it now, the Unicorn necklace? No... Alicorn Amulet, I think. Yes, that had to be it. Anyway, I knew then and there that I needed that amulet. But first, I need a place to stay. However, I was now in a world I would rather die than be a part of, but the death part was going to be a guarantee if I didn't find shelter. I removed my helmet, then realized where I was: I was lost in a forest, thanks to my careless thinking.

"God DAMMIT!!! I hate this place!!!" I shouted as I kicked a tree. Deciding to vent later, I turned around to get out of the forest, but heard a growl from some bushes. Putting my helmet back on, I ran deeper into the forest like an idiot, desperately trying to escape the growling, which was increasing in volume. Soon, though, I stumbled upon my salvation: A ruins, like that of an old castle. It was run-down and destroyed, but it was shelter. Running into the ruins, I realized that the growling had stopped, and I sat down, and thought of my current situation: I was lost, with no food, and miles from any civilization. If I was going to survive and retain my sanity, I needed to think, and so I thought. I thought long and hard, but I soon fell asleep. I guess it was no surprise, considering my ordeal, but the weird part was that I wasn't feeling anything about any of this. I just acted, like it was no big deal. Oh well, I suppose. I guess it's a good thing. I just hoped that no one else found me. Unfortunately, someone did, or rather, something.