“My bloody head…”

Stevens awoke with a groan, keeping his eyes closed in an attempt to soothe the rampant headache that was plaguing him. His left leg twitched, the naked limb hanging off the side of the bed he was in, cool air flowing across the bare skin. He couldn’t remember anything about the night before, his memory a blank slate. Something about whisky and a near-death experience emerged, the details too vague to make an accurate re-telling. He was naked; the corporal able to feel smooth sheets upon his body as well as a large, soft cushion beside him. He rolled over onto his side, hugging the warm furry pillow closer to his chest.

‘Hang on,’ Stevens thought as he slowly opened his eyes, being greeted with sunlight filtering through a square window.
‘Since when are pillows furry and capable of breathing…’

Slowly Stevens angled his vision downwards towards the object pressed up against him, the corporal’s heart stopping for a second when he saw what he had dreaded.

Snuggled up against his bare chest was a lilac-coated mare, her light-pink mane spread out in the worst case of bed-head the soldier had ever seen. The mare was resting on one of his arms, grasping the limb with her two front legs as she breathed heavily in her slumber. Stevens had to admit that she did look rather adorable like that, but that didn’t help the fact that he had slept with a small equine.

He managed to break his stare away from the mare and looked around the room, wincing at the sight. Various parts of golden armour was scattered around the room, a golden helmet perched at the end of the bed. His armour was slightly more ordered, all jumbled in a heap in one corner. Stevens once again looked towards the mare, a soldier belonging to the nation that they had been fighting no less. The humans already knew that Equestrians had enchanted armour to alter their appearance, Stevens not knowing anything about magic or psionics or any other of that voodoo crap. Thanks to the enchantment however he could not guess which pony guard he was looking at.

Stevens let out a soft sigh as he remembered that fateful sentence he had uttered the night before. He just had to go and invite the universe to screw with him, more specifically a horse alien that was now currently resting its genitals on his right leg if the wetness was any indication. Maybe the Commander and the rest of the group were un-aware of what happened, yeah, it’s not like they would have noticed anything right?

The corporal sniffed the air, the scent of carnal lust filling the room. He groaned and attempted to remove himself from the embrace of the mare, succeeding in removing his arm from her clutches. The lower body was next, Stevens very gently moving his right leg as softly as possibly. He wasn’t careful enough however, his leg ‘stimulating’ a certain point of the mare as it moved away. The sleeping pony’s wings shot up, the Pegasus letting out a squeak intermixed with a moan as Stevens cursed under his breath.

Stevens froze, the mare not awaking despite the contact and he let out a breath that he had been holding. He stealthily vacated the small bed and left the slumbering mare alone, a smile planted on the pony’s face as she continued dreaming. Stevens moved over towards his armour, pausing to sniff under his armpit. To put it bluntly he smelled like sex incarnate, the scent of the night’s drunken activities clogged in his pores. He glanced over towards a door marked ‘bathroom’ at the other side of the room before looking back at the sleeping mare.

‘Surely just one shower couldn’t hurt’ he thought as he tip-toed towards the door.

‘I’ll be in and out before she wakes up, then from there on its smooth sailing.’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Stevens emerged from the bathroom clad in the black body-suit that all of the wraiths wore under their armour. The shower had been small, Stevens having to duck to use it however it had done the job. He felt so re-vitalised by the shower that he completely forgot to remain quite, the bathroom door swinging shut loudly as he exited.

The mare in the bed jolted awake, the Pegasus swivelling her head around to look at the source of the noise. Her eyes widened as she saw Stevens, the biped frozen on the spot in shock. After a few minutes of staring at the human the mare looked down at herself, her nose wrinkling as she smelt the surrounding air.

“So it wasn’t a dream” she groaned, moving herself to the edge of the bed as she raised herself to a sitting position. The guard stared at her dangling hind hooves as her mind tried to comprehend what had happened.

“Why, why was I so stupid? The Sergeant will kill me!”

Stevens did not respond, the human slowly edging around the wall as he made his way to the pile of black armour while the mare was distracted.

“What, are you just going to get up and leave?” the mare questioned from behind him, Stevens freezing like a statue. The mare’s voice did not contain any anger but there was a hint of… disappointment?

“Look, uh, you see Miss…” Stevens began as he turned around to face the pony, the mare looking at him with brown eyes.

“Wind Slash” the mare said with a little hurt present in her voice, “I would think that you would know my name, considering we made love last night.”

“No no no no no, there was no ‘made love’ at all!” Stevens replied with his voice raised as he began to put on his armour “I got drunk in a bar, you got drunk in a bar and we banged, there is no love involved at all! There shall be no after-sex breakfast or brunch, no hugs and kisses, no lasting relationship! We will get dressed, exit this room, walk down those stairs and pretend that nothing happened, you got that?”

The mare looked down at the floor, tears building in her eyes.

“As for me forgetting your name” Stevens continued, his voice lowering to normal levels “I was drunk and I can’t remember anything. All of you guards look the same in that armour so how am I supposed to tell? I’m just glad I didn’t wake up spooning a dude, though this is not too far off.”

“So, it meant nothing at all to you?” Wind Slash asked, the mare beginning to sob as she lifted her head.

Stevens looked at the crying pony, his armour complete except for his helmet which he held in his hand. All of his equipment was strapped and ready to go; the only remaining signs of his presence being the unmade bed and the crying mare sitting on it.

“Nothing at all, now stop crying and get over it” he finished as he walked out the door, leaving the mare alone by herself.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Stevens whistled a merry tune as he walked down the stairs, his mind wondering whether this pony inn would serve a decent breakfast. Meat products would certainly be out of the question but that still left egg, toast, muffins, waffles, pancakes, crumpets and a whole range of foods. Stevens reached the bottom, walking through the door leading into the barroom/dining area before halting right as he entered the room.

Sitting around in various spots around the room were the rest of the wraiths, the changelings and the three pony guards. The Commander’s foal, Lack of Trizon or something like that was also there, the young pony the only one not looking at Stevens as the colt was too busy eating a stack of pancakes.

“Uh, good morning everyone, I trust you all slept well?” Stevens enquired as he slowly sat down at an empty table closest to the door.

“I in fact did not” replied Sergeant Boland; his helmet removed revealing a hard face framed by coal-black hair, the Sergeant sipping tea from a cup. “It was the strangest thing, five minutes after you claimed that you were retiring for the night, after shooting your gun at the clock I might add,” Stevens looked to where Boland gestured, a large hole in the right wall surrounded by burn marks sitting about two meters up from the floor, “Corporal Wind Slash,” continued Boland “also retired, claiming that she was going to make sure you weren’t causing trouble up there.”

“We then all decided to follow the example you two set,” Commander Chalmers added, “all of us, including our Equestrian friends here retreating to our rooms for some much needed rest. I personally had just sat down next to the bed against the wall since it was already occupied” Chalmers ruffled the foal’s mane with a hand, the child beaming at the Commander with a mouthful of breakfast “when the sound of bed springs and other questionable noises emanated from another room. This continued on for about five hours from what I gathered and while that is certainly a remarkable achievement it was annoying as Hell.”

The foal paused his breakfast and looked at Stevens, the majority of the conversation flying over his head due to his young age.

“I had a nightmare,” he commented “there was lots of strange noises and at the end of it I heard a pony go ‘ZOING!’ and then I woke up. Mister Nigel told me to go back to sleep so I did.”

“Gre-great job there… champ” Stevens replied shakily to the foal. The young pony simply smiled again and took another bite of pancakes, syrup dripping down from his chin.

“So Stevens,” Chalmers said as he made a point of glancing towards the door, “where is Corporal Wind Slash? I would have expected her to be down here by now.”

“Oh, she’s still sleeping Commander, you know how it is” Stevens answered as he rubbed the back of his head with a hand. Nigel was not convinced, unknown to Stevens the Commander had gone upstairs to inform the corporals of breakfast only to halt when he had heard raised voices coming from the room.

“Yeah, I guess I do know” the Commander responded, a false smile planted on his face. “Stevens, help yourself to some breakfast, I’ve got to go and visit the bathroom” Nigel said as he got up from his seat, making his way outside the room.

‘Well, that went surprisingly well’ Stevens thought, the Commander buying his lie as easily as an elderly grandmother buys jars of conserve. He moved to the main table, pouring himself a cup of tea as the surrounding ponies, humans and changelings watched him. Stevens paused his drinking to butter some toast, spreading the two slices of bread with the dairy product as he hummed happily to himself.

“Uh, Stevens?”

Stevens looked over towards the voice, Jacobs looking at him with his changeling squeeze sitting beside him, the changeling resting her head against the human’s side. The changeling, unlike her fellows was not drinking from a vial and Stevens could not recall the last time he actually saw her use one.

“What is it Loverboy?” Stevens taunted, Jacobs shooting him a flat look while the changeling merely scowled at Stevens.

“First off Stevens you’re not exactly squeaky clean yourself, at least we don’t keep everyone up at night” Jacobs retorted.

“Really appropriate breakfast conversation guys, particularly when there’s a child in the room” Murray interjected, the corporal covering Bleak Horizon’s ears with his hands, much to the displeasure of the colt. Jacobs gave Murray and Horizon an apologetic look before turning back towards Stevens.

“Secondly, ask yourself this question. If our suits handle all bodily functions and the Commander is wearing his suit now, then why did he need to go upstairs to relieve himself?”

Stevens froze, the entire room going dead quite. Corporal Stevens put down his half-eaten slice of toast, standing up quietly as he pushed the stool he was sitting on back. Without a word he began to move towards the doorway, hoping to get out before Chalmers came back down. Just as he had almost made it to salvation however the Commander flew through the doorway and tackled the surprised Corporal out of a window, shards of glass flying everywhere.

___________________________________________________________________________________________

“What the fuc- *Crack!*”

Stevens was cut off by Nigel’s un-armoured fist colliding with his face, the force of the blow knocking Steven’s head backwards. The Commander was standing over the surprised Corporal, holding Stevens off the ground with his left hand while the right was clenched into a fist. The early morning Manehattan rush was in full force with ponies, griffons and donkeys watching the fight in shock.

“The Hell did I d-“

Stevens was cut off once again by another punch from the Commander, Nigel drawing his fist back in preparation for another strike.

Corporal Stevens looked up at his Commander, not a single trace of emotion on Nigel’s face. Stevens almost shat his pants, there weren’t many things that could stop the Commander’s legendary humour and those that did usually did not survive to tell the tale.

“I’ll tell you what you did you piece of dried-up monkey-shit,” Chalmers stated in a toneless voice, “you bedded a lady and then flat right walked out on her without so much as offering to escort her down to breakfast. That right there is just not on and you tarnish the reputation of males everywhere by doing so.”

The Commander punctuated his sentence with another blow, causing the Corporal’s vision to spin.

“Not only that,” Chalmers added as he slapped Stevens to make sure the corporal understood what he was saying “you outright tell her that it ‘meant nothing at all’ and that she should ‘stop crying and get over it’ before you left her sobbing her eyes out alone. I expect better from the men under my command, have some decency and honour you toss. We have to work with these Equestrians while we stay in this city, having you treating one of them like a bar-room whore is not going to cut it, do you understand?”

Stevens stared up at Chalmers with hate in his eyes, before he spat a glob of blood onto the ground.

“Well look who decided to grow up all of a sudden. What happened, you ran out of people to kill or are you just mad because out of all of us you get a kid instead of some action? Go fuck yourself you filthy abomination.”

“Wrong answer” replied Chalmers, the artificial-muscles in his armour tightening as he picked the surprised Corporal off the ground and threw him into a nearby market stand. The flimsy wooden structure splintered into match-sticks at the force of the blow, the Commander walking over towards the wreckage as the crowd watching emitted gasps at the brutal display of strength.

Chalmers stood over his subordinate, Stevens hacking up a mixture of blood and bile. The commander reached down once more, grasping the Corporal by the neck area of his armour and hosting the winded soldier up to eye level, the Corporal’s feet dangling in the air due to the Commander’s armour-assisted height.

“Now Stevens,” said the Commander as he stared into the Corporal’s fear-filled eyes, “You’re going to go back into that Inn and apologise to that mare for acting like a wanker. You are going to ask for her forgiveness and offer to spend the day with her to make up for the nasty things you said. You are also going to start treating your superiors with some respect, Sergeant Boland may not be your normal squad leader but this is not a normal operation. I want no more lies from you and if you don’t pick up your game there will be consequences.”

Chalmers finished by walking over towards the entrance of the Inn, halting at the open door. He flung Stevens through the doorway into the inn, the corporal hitting the ground with an audible thump. His task complete, Nigel turned towards the crowd of spectators, a warm smile on his face as he faced the horde of assorted creatures.

“Nice weather we’re having, it looks like it’s going to be a wonderful day!” He exclaimed with joy, turning around and re-entering the Inn, leaving a speechless crowd and a broken stall behind him.