Journal of the Cupcake Killer Part 3
By Ace2401
Emotional Support / Threats by milesprower06

August 11th
Two months. Two months, I've been trapped inside my own head, forced to watch that demon use my body to commit horrible deeds. But no, I wasn't forced to stay and watch. I could have done something, but I was too weak. Their blood is on my hooves, because instead of even trying to escape all that time, I just crawled into the corner of my mind furthest away from that demon as I could find to just lay in self pity. I know I wasn't crying real tears, but the pain of having my psyche, my sense of who I once was, so thoroughly shattered left me as a scared and broken filly crying deep in the recesses of my own mind. That monster wouldn't even let me end it to prevent anypony else from being hurt. Instead, it only let me think I could, just to see me suffer as I tried and failed to commit suicide, even though we share the same body.

If anypony finds and reads this journal, you might be wondering how I'm in control now. I guess I was able to slowly regain my strength and presence of mind so I could put up a fight the past couple of days, screaming and pounding for control. I think it got used to me being gone, and so it let down its defenses enough that even my starting to come to my senses weakened it, letting me gain the upper hoof. But this fight for control isn't over, it's just getting started. Even now that demon is only giving me a moment of respite because I'm not doing anything to jeopardize it, or else I would be dead already.Death... death is still the only thing I wish for, but I'll do whatever I can to stop the monster inside me.

I'm just afraid that won't be enough...

August 12th
No... NO!

It craves... I can't stop it. It let me have my day, but now it's pounding to get out. I can feel its cravings taking over, even affecting how my body. I feel like I want to throw up and eat as much as I can at the same time. I feel it trying to reach out to Ponyville... I don't know if I can hold it off much longer. I'm so sorry everypony...

Here I am crying like a little scared filly. But that's what I am, or what I may as well be. All I can feel is fear and sadness... I'll never be the Pinkie I once was anymore. My laughter died long ago, and it will never return.

All I want is to die...

I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE

August 15th
This headache problem has been a DOOZY! It even is making me hear a voice inside my head sometimes, though a lot of the time it's not really a voice it's just a bunch of yelling and screaming, and it really doesn't seem like the pony in my head making all that noise is very nice. Occasionally it even feels like I lose control of my body and somepony else controls it. Wait, wasn't that Saddie Pie? That would explain why she spends all of her time crying and stuff. I wonder why she would be doing that? I think she also knows about my special parties... Oh well, as long as she doesn't spoil any of them!

But that doesn't matter because today I need to make some CUPCAKES! And not just any cupcakes, my special cupcakes made with my secret recipe! Which of course means I need to throw a special party! And to throw a special party I need to draw a number! So let's go! And the winner is... Fluttershy? I mean, uh, Fluttershy! Silly Pinkie me writing the wrong punctuation! But still, drawing Fluttershy's number is giving me a funny feeling.

Umm... help me out here Journal. It's not that I don't want to throw a party, in fact I NEED one of my special parties right now, but I don't think I want Fluttershy to be my party guest. It's not that I don't think she wouldn't be a very fun party guest, I'm sure she would be even if she's always quiet at my normal parties. It's just that, well... This will probably sound really sentimental and I'm not really a sentimental pony, but I love my friends and I want them to be able to do what makes them happy, and I'm pretty sure me torturing and eating them won't help that. Remember how I told you journal that I want Rainbow Dash to be a Wonderbolt? I don't see how she could do that if I kill her. Dash is the best and everything, but I'm pretty sure not even she is that good, ha. Anyway, I don't think I want to kill any of my bestest friends...

Oh no, now my head is really hurting again! I think I'll just put this number back and go lie down. My party might have to wait until tomorrow. Oh well.

(THE REAL PINKIE PIE)
I... I...

I did it! I saved Fluttershy... I think. That was me, right? All I was doing was just thinking of how much I love Fluttershy, and how I can't let that happen, but... I didn't feel like I was really fighting against anything. It was like that monster made that choice on its own...

That... that thing doesn't actually have feelings for my friends too, does it? But... that would mean...

NO! THAT CAN'T BE TRUE! IT CAN'T!

...that can't be true...
I need to keep fighting it. Maybe I can make a difference after all...

August 16th
Alrighty, I REALLY need some of to throw one of my special parties, especially after yesterday. I mean, how terrible is it to plan a party and then not throw it? That's like the WORST. POSSIBLE. THING! Haha Rarity is such a silly pony. Even more silly a pony than Applejack! But really, it's true! Nothing could be worse than a party not thrown! So let's draw a number!

Cloud Kicker! Yay, I love pegasus parties! So what am I still here for? I have a party to throw!

THAT WAS THE WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!
My party was RUINED! Before I could even get the fun started, I could feel the other pony in my head freaking out, but I just ignored her because I was ready to have some fun since Cloud Kicker had just woken up and I had finished showing her my special party room. But right after I began to make my first incision, she started trying to take over my body! She almost did too, and had even told Cloud Kicker there was a monster inside of her (that wasn't very nice, I'm a Pinkie Pie, not a monster!) controlling her actions and torturing ponies, but that she had got control for a second and was going to let her go free so she could tell everypony to come get us and lock us away or something

. I couldn't let that happen, so I fought back for control over MY body before she could cut Cloud Kicker free. I think with two ponies trying to control one Pinkie body, we just started trashing about. Just as I was getting full control again, the other pony made one last move and managed to take control just long enough to slit Cloud Kicker's throat, killing her before I got to have any fun! AND SO I WASN'T ABLE TO HAVE MY PARTY! I'm so mad! I wish I could feed the other pony in my head through a wood chipper or something, but she's in MY BODY!

...Calm down Pinkie, being angry isn't any fun. I'm the Element of Laughter, remember? And it wasn't a total loss, I still have a fresh body to make some special party treats with. Yeah, let's focus on doing that. That way I can have FUN! HAHAHAHA!

August 17th
Last night... I wish I could show anypony reading this how I look right now. Then you could just see how I feel, instead of me having to tell you. But I suppose you could probably guess how I feel anyway. I feel the same way I always have for what seems like forever now....

I wonder if tears stain parchment?

Haha, I'm so melodramatic now. Anyway, I wanted to talk about what happened last night. I know that MONSTER already did, so you already know more or less what happened, but I need to get out how I feel, I guess. You see, one of the worst things about all of this is seeing the look in the other pony's eye's as the monster prepares to butcher then. I can see their feelings of betrayal and incomprehension... I was a friend to everypony. The fun loving Pinkie Pie was always there to cheer up anypony that needed their day brightened. And now look at what I've let happen. They're right to look at me that way. I betrayed them, and I've betrayed everypony in Ponyville. But I digress.

When I saw that look in Cloud Kicker's eyes, I knew I had to try and do something, so I fought my way out. I had managed to tell Cloud Kicker that I was so sorry, that something was wrong with me and to run away and tell everypony what was going on. I was about to cut her free, too, but then that demon became much harder to restrain inside of me. I could feel its anger boiling as it saw what I was doing. What happened next is kind of hard to describe. I don't know if there are any words that are about having a battle in your mind over your body. But that's not what I really wanted to talk about anyway.

...Sigh...

What happened next was when... when I killed Cloud Kicker. I knew that I was going to lose the battle, so I killed her before the monster could get its hooves on her. A mercy kill is all it was really, as whatever it had planned for her I'm sure would have been a protracted and painful death instead of the quick and painful I gave her.It had to be done though... and I even said I was so so so sorry, tears in my eyes and everything. Still, killing a pony is unforgivable no matter what, and this time I meant to do it...

And yet.. wouldn't it have been worse to let her suffer? That's why I did it, right? But still, was that the right choice? I feel like killing Cloud Kicker like that destroyed once and for all any of the old me that I still had left. No matter what, I'll never forget the the fear and despair in Cloud Kicker's eyes I saw as I was spilling her lifeblood. Those eyes will haunt me forever, even more so than all the other ponies' I let die eyes, because this time I was the pony that snuffed out the light behind those eyes.

I'm crying again. Is that all I ever do anymore? I was supposed to be the Element of Laughter... and now I'll never laugh again. And I can't get over that, either. If I could laugh one more time... sweet, sweet, laughter... my element. Wait, my element... maybe that has something to do with all of this. My element necklace started acting funny on my birthday,when this all started.That must have something to do with how this all began.

I wish I could tell Twilight about all of this, because she could figure out what's wrong with me. Maybe then she'll even say that it wasn't my fault, and that she can fix me. And if she could fix me, and make it like none of this ever happened, I could be happy again... but that's obviously never going to happen. The monster wouldn't let it, and even if it did, there's no way anypony could ever forgive me for what I've done, for what I've let happen... a mare can dream though, can't she?

Still, maybe if I could get a hold of that book on the Elements of Harmony, maybe I can figure something out. If the monster will even let me do that much... but I'll worry about that later, when I figure out how to get control of my body somewhere that's outside of my room, and for more than minutes at a time. I'm actually kind of surprised that I've had time to write all that I've written just now. I can still feel it watching me though, as if it's waiting to pounce if I even think of stepping out of line.

Well, while I'm still here, I want to make one more apology. The monster has been making and then selling those disgusting things it dares calls treats through Sugarcube Corner. It was selling more just today even; made out of Cloud Kicker... When all of this is finally found out, I don't know what will happen to the Cakes. But if anypony has found this book, then please know that they had nothing to do with any of this. I'm so sorry this has been going in their shop. Please tell them that I am so sorry for all of this. I just hope their shop doesn't have to be closed forever...

...Well, I guess that's all I wanted to say for now. I wish I could say venting has made me feel better, but I'm too far gone for that. I just feel broken and sick. As in physically sick. Watching yourself eat abominations disguised as cupcakes will do that to you... I think I'm going to go vomit now.

Vomit? Why would you want to vomit? Those treats were DELICIOUS! So I don't think I'm going to let you do that. And you're always so sad and down (I mean, look at all of that up there!), so how did you even get in my body, anyway? This is supposed to be the HAPPIEST BODY EVER! The nicest, too, and you don't seem very nice since you're always calling me names like "monster", or demon, or even sometimes you just call me "it". Those aren't very nice things to call a pony you know. I would even prefer you call me Pinkamina Diane Pie than any of those things! Of course, it'd be easier to just call me Pinkie! I like that name better anyways. Pinkie has to be like the best name ever, and it's mine! Yay!

Silly me, writing all of that down when I could have just told you! Oh well, you don't seem to ever listen anyways.

August 20th
Hello Journal! This is the real happy Pinkie Pie! Though this evening I haven't been feeling as good. I was having fun earlier today with my friends, who I should probably talk about more in this journal, I mean, it can't all be about me right? Well, I do talk about my special parties since those are so special. I don't talk about as many of my regular parties though. I guess after I throw those I just don't feel like writing. Oh well!

Anyway, I was hung out with all of my friends today. Not all at the same time though, but I did hang out with all of them! I watched Rainbow Dash do some really awesome tricks with all these crazy loop de loops and twist and turns and dives and all of that amazing stuff, then I took Gummy over to Fluttershy because he had an achy tummy so I talked to her for a while she helped Gummy, then I went to Applejack's to buy some apples for the store and just for fun I asked if she could teach me how to applebuck because for some reason kicking trees just seemed like a fun thing to try at the time (it kinda was!), and then I went over to Rarity's because I was thinking that I wanted a new fun hat because I love fun hats and I remembered Rarity is really good a making clothes so I thought maybe I should ask her to custom make one for me and she said she would and that I wouldn't even have to pay her for it which was so super nice of her and then after that I decided to go see Twilight because we don't hang out the two of us that much that we should hang out and so I went to the library and Twilight was running these crazy experiments and she said I could help her out and that was SO FUN! I love spending quality time with all of my friends!

But when I got home, that other pony that stays in my head (not that I like to let her out, in fact I'm the only thing keeping that crazy wreck inside of me!) had found a way to try and make me feel sad like her! It's no fun at all having a big ball of sad inside of your head trying to make you feel sad too. And I can't get her to stop! I'm afraid she might drive me crazy too, and then I don't know what I'll do!

August 24th
Hello journal. I don't have much to say, but I just wanted to write something so that anypony reading this would know that I'm still in there, somewhere. Or maybe I'm writing it just to let myself know that I'm still real... with what I've been going through, that's easy to forget. Sometimes, I think it would be easier if I just ceased to exist. It's not like I'm in much control anyways. My friends can't even tell the difference anyway...

If that happened though, then it would just run amok in Ponyville, and Celestia knows how long it would take for her to get caught. So I have to be as strong as I can, because I'm the only thing standing between that abomination and the ponies of Ponyville. I've been trying something new to stop it by the way, and to give me some power over it. I found out how to share emotions with it, and it can't stand feeling sad. It let me out of its own free will momentarily if I promised to leave her alone while I was out. But I won't be out for long. It's still got me on a pretty tight leash, I'm sad to say. But now I have a weapon to fight it with. I just have to refine it further, so to speak. This may not be hopeless after all...

August 27th
HEE HEE HA HA! I DON'T CARE WHAT SHE SAYS, I NEED TO PARTY! AND THIS TIME IT NEEDS TO BE A DOUBLE PARTY! HAHAHAHA FUN FUN FUN FUN!

Oh, uh, sorry about that Journal. That mean pony is really starting to affect me. Sometimes acting all super crazy is the only way to shut it out! Though it's not fully by choice... but it really is time for another special party, because last time wasn't a party at all! And I really am going to invite a second pony which should also help make up for last time! THE FUN WILL BE DOUBLED! HA HA HA!

Right, drawing numbers. Let's see who I get to party with tonight! Alright, the first pony is... Seafoam! YAY UNICORNS! And the second pony is... Vanilla Skies! OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH! A unicorn and a pegasus! THIS WILL BE THE BEST PARTY EVER!

The only important thing to decide is if I should torture both of them at once, or if I should let the screams of the first be a way to torture the second pony, and then when I'm done with the first I can torture the second AGAIN! Decisions, decisions...

DOUBLE PARTY TIME!
Mmm... party time. I NEED TO PARTY ALL THE TIME IT MAKES ME SOOO HAPPY!

Slicing and cutting, slicing and cutting... oh so fun. Draw the lines, cut the flesh, watch the blood spill. Blood... HA HA HA BLOOD IS SO SILLY HA HA HA

Oh dear... it looks like I already drained all of Vanilla Skies' blood... Her life force is now just a mess on my floor. HOW FUN! I guess that's what happens when you slice a pony's major arteries and then start to gut them! TEE HEE NOW LET'S EAT HER! I EVEN HAVE SOMEPONY TO SHARE HER WITH!

ALL ABOUT MY DOUBLE PARTY FUN!
Oh man, I just ate a ton! But that's okay, because I wasn't rude by eating in front of guests. Oh yes, I shared plenty with Seafoam, HA HA HA. I even made sure she chewed and swallowed every last piece I gave her. And if she threw anything up, I made her eat it again, because that's just good manners, right? RIGHT? Why of course that's only good manners, in fact it's just being nice, AND YOU HAVE TO BE NICE TO HAVE FUN. Everypony's being so nice that we're HAVING TONS OF FUN!

And then when I was done doing that, I cut her stomach out and made her eat it! I think the stomach acid burned a hole in her throat! THAT MUST HAVE BEEN SO YUMMY, AND SO MUCH FUN. FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN!

I can tell how much fun Seafoam was having because of all the tears of joy she was crying. Delicious tears... tears and blood are now my two favorite drinks, since they taste so good, and they mean I'm having SO MUCH FUN! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

Well, IT'S TIME TO GET BAKING!

August 28th
Woah... my head hurts this morning, and my vision is all wibbly wobbly. And when I looked in the mirror, I was still covered in dried blood. I think I may have overdone it last night. I went a little crazy there, haha. But I feel better now. I just need to get myself cleaned up! Then I can start selling all of my delicious cupcakes!

I just need to remember not to let her out...

September 6th
i DoN't FeEL tO GOoD...

I feEL kiNDa SaD, AcTUally. it'S tHAT OtheR PONY iN My hEAd dOinG sOMeThinG tO Me THaT mEaNiE HeAd!

mAYBe she'LL LeAVe mE ALoNE If I jUST gIVE hEr tHE bOdY FOr NoW...

BuT ThEn WHo KnOWs whAT sHE'LL dO!

September 11th
I...

I'm free! That monster is still in here, but I weakened it enough so that it's just laying in my head, not doing anything! Does this mean... I can be happy again? But... but what about the ponies I... killed? Can I be happy knowing how their family and friends must feel? Maybe I should just kill myself while I have the chance, in case it's not really over. Or confess to Twilight...

NO! I WANT TO BE HAPPY AND HAVE FUN! HA HA HA!