Dear diary,

I can scarcely believe that I'm saying this, given where I was earlier this morning, but I'm home at last! Well, almost... Actually, I'm at Ponyville Hospital at the moment; they want to make sure there's nothing wrong with me after everything that's happened. But that doesn't matter right now. I'm back in Ponyville! With my friends...! With my special somepony! With Sunset...

When I think about how close I came to losing her forever though... I don't think that moment will ever stop haunting me, even knowing that things turned out okay...

As I'm sure you remember, I was really broken up about the state that I'd found my old friend in. I couldn't bare to be near her so I tried to find someplace in the warehouse, it turns out, where I could cry myself out until Stratus came for us. However even that "mercy" was taken from me when Sunset suddenly tackled me from behind and pinned me to the ground. I was so surprised by the sudden attack that I didn't even think to struggle at first.

Part of me knew what she had intended when she brought her face down between my legs and started her attack. I knew it and I knew I should resist, but sweet Celestia that mare is good with her tongue... I suppose it's to be expected, given that her whole life has revolved around pleasing other ponies this way... Anyway, my half-hearted protests never reached her it seemed, and before too long I was writhing uncontrollably under her... Thoughts of what I was trying to get back to (actually all thoughts at that point) were getting hazy...

Then she voiced what I should have realized all along; that she was preparing me for her Master. That thought finally rekindled my will to resist. While Sunset is larger than me and had all the leverage at that moment, my legs were still free. Flailing them wildly, I eventually caught Sunset under her chin, knocking her out cold...

I panicked; I was sure I had killed her... I don't know what I would have if I actually had... Thankfully I'd only knocked her out. A few minutes later she came to, apologetic once again for forcing herself on her future Mistress...

... I can't express how painful it was for me to hear her refer to me as Mistress...

When I told her, again, that I wasn't going to be her Mistress, Sunset began to break down. She was sure that it was because I didn't want her around... I suppose in her mind that made sense; I can remember from when I used to think that way and that would make sense... That said, there was no way I was going to allow myself to be the toy of another pony again, not after all the way I'd come since I left the underground (my time under Stratus notwithstanding...).

Of course I also couldn't abandon my old friend to this fate either, but convincing her to leave with me would be all but impossible... Thankfully I had two very important things going for me; Sunset remembered me as her old lover and as her one and only friend, and she knew that I had the same tastes as her, at least as far as she knew. Reluctantly, I convinced her to come with me under the pretext that my "master" would become hers as well so we could stay together (please forgive me Big Mac, you know I don't actually think of you that way anymore).

Sunset was on-board but clearly still reluctant. I needed to solidify her will somehow if we were going to have any chance at escaping. I knew only one way that was guaranteed to reach my old friend and without any hesitation I moved to express my love for my friend, the way we used to... The kiss got pretty heavy pretty quickly, but eventually we broke away. The smile she favored me with in that moment warmed my heart so much to witness. Unlike before, her expression and emotions felt genuine when she looked at me. She seemed so much like the filly I used to know...

In any case, Sunset was completely behind me now in my escape attempt. She told me there was a trash chute buried in the floor on the far wall of the room. Unfortunately, said chute was buried under a tower of crates full of Celestia-knows-what; whatever it was, it was fucking heavy... The two of us together were barely able to move the massive crates, and with every one that crashed to the floor as we went I cringed, expecting to be found out at any moment (even after Sunset had insisted that the room was soundproofed). But finally we reached the final crate and slowly pushed it aside.

There, on the floor right where Sunset had said it would be, was our ticket to freedom.

Freedom! It was right there within our grasp. But my luck wouldn't hold out any longer than that; just as we were preparing to leave through the chute, Stratus came down to the basement wondering what was taking so long for Sunset to prepare me...

I could see the conflict in Sunset's eyes clear as day. She wanted to be together with me again just as much as I did and she knew I wouldn't stay with Stratus. But helping me would mean disobeying her Master, something that her years of conditioning had made her consider so abhorrent that the very idea never would enter her mind normally... I hate to admit this, but for a moment I honestly expected her to try to stop me when Stratus commanded it. But my final plea to her heart was finally enough to make up her mind. She quickly pushed me down the chute before following me to freedom.

Once outside, I took flight behind Sunset; I wasn't sure where we were exactly so I had to rely on her to lead us back to some civilization before we could make our way to Ponyville. Our progress was slow going; her betrayal of her Master continued to weigh on her heavily. It was all I could do to keep her from turning around more than once, but the promise of joining me and my "master" was enough to keep her moving.

After what seemed like an eternity, we were far enough away from Stratus's mansion that I felt safe enough to take a breather. Landing on a nearby cloud, we both slumped over momentarily; the stress from the flight and clearing away the crates from our escape route was beginning to catch up with us both. Knowing that Sunset was still struggling with her decision to run with me and was about to comfort my friend again when I caught sight of somepony closing on our position fast...

Stratus...! I still can't believe it, but somehow he was able to make his way outside in time to see which way we had fled! There was no time to waste, no time to worry about where we were going anymore. We had to escape him now!

... Unfortunately, we were both still fatigued from our ordeal and eventually Stratus caught up with us. Once he was close enough, the bastard reached out and grabbed hold of my tail. I tried to pull free, despite the pain, but I couldn't break his grip.

What happened next I fear will haunt me for the rest of my life... Sunset saw that I was fighting with Stratus and wheeled around to try to help. Sadly the mare was no stronger than I am and fatigued as she was her attack only served to raise the stallion's ire. Before I could react, he let go of me; my own momentum sent me spiraling out of control for several seconds. When I finally recovered, I turned just in time to see him... he savagely bit down into his former slave's right wing and tore out her primaries.

... The whole thing happened so quickly, but at the time it seemed to drag on forever. Once Stratus let her go, Sunset, now unable to keep herself aloft, plummeted out of the sky. I could swear that she looked to me, pleading for me to rescue her somehow. I knew there was no way I would be able to catch her in almost complete free fall, but of course I tried anyway... Or rather I would have had Stratus not intercepted and restrained me...

... There was nothing I could do; I didn't have the strength left to pull free from Stratus. Every passing moment my will disintegrated. I had failed my closest friend when she needed me; I had led her to her death... What was the point of continuing to resist...? I turned away from the scene, unable to keep watching as Sunset quickly disappeared from view...

... So of course it came as a shock when I heard a familiar voice call out angrily moments later. I turned to find Rainbow Dash threatening Stratus. Apparently she, Fluttershy and Twilight were on their way to Stratus's mansion, acting on a hunch that something was off about the weather factory CEO's actions of late. Naturally, Dash had grown impatient and flown ahead of her slower companions, and thank Celestia she had as she came upon us just in time to witness Stratus maim Sunset and leave her for dead. She quickly closed the distance between her and us, and Stratus, the coward, used me as a shield.

I don't know what became of Stratus; Dash continued to give chase but the time he bought by throwing me into her was enough to secure his escape... Meanwhile, my only thought was of Sunset, resting on the cloud Dash had caught her with... The mare was still in shock, trying desperately to take flight... All I could think to do was wrap her in my hooves and wings and hold her until she finally began to calm down; she then promptly passed out from exhaustion.

Once Rainbow Dash returned, the two of us broke the cloud down into a makeshift bed which she used to ferry Sunset to Ponyville Hospital. I followed as quickly as I could of course. On the way I ran into Twilight and Fluttershy who immediately engaged me in a tearful (and slightly painful) reunion; honestly, Fluttershy is constantly challenging my perception of her. I suppose I should count myself fortunate that the other pegasus didn't break my neck, as hard as she hugged me...

The girls told me I had been missing for 11 days... It's hard to believe it was only that long; I felt as though I was lost forever...

The three of us teleported back to Ponyville (apparently Nightshade had showed her some trick for teleporting across long distances) before making our way to the hospital. Fluttershy and the nurses had insisted that I check in myself to make sure I was completely okay and after the day I'd had I wasn't about to argue with them. After asking about Sunset (she wasn't ready to have visitors just yet), I was brought to my room. Twilight stayed with me until the others arrived.

I was only allowed one visitor, I later found out, so it came as no surprise that when the time came everypony graciously stepped aside to allow Big Mac in.

There were a hundred thousand things I wanted to say to him in that moment, finally reunited with the one pony above all others that I had fought so desperately against my nature to return to... My special somepony; my true, unquestioned love. But all I could manage was his name before we feel into each other's hooves. That all-consuming embrace, his warmth is all I needed at that moment... Although I'll admit we ended up going further anyway, but, well... It is still my nature...

I know things are far from perfect right now. Polaris and Stratus are still out there, and I don't know if Sunset is going to be okay yet. But what I do know is that as long as I have all of my amazing friends and my special somepony, together we can make things right.

I'm sorry to say that is going to be my last entry in you, my friend. We only spoke for a short time, I know, but my true diary is still waiting for me at Sweet Apple Acres... at my home. Once I check out tomorrow, I intend to close our correspondence along with this chapter of my life. Thank you for listening to me so intently through all of this, and goodbye my crisis diary...

~ Starshadow

Author's Notes:

Wow, that was surprisingly difficult to get out. I guess two months out of character is a little too long... Anyway, as previously mentioned, with this up you can expect updates to continue shortly.