Dear Diary,

Well, things are finally back to a steady pace around me, and hopefully now I’ll have some time to actually think about the last week-and-a-half.

Seeing Starsong again after seven years was wonderful, however brief as it turned out to be. Once she and Octavia left this morning, I spent most of the day just hanging out with Vinyl. Though she wasn’t very talkative, I could tell she was at least happy to have my company. I hope she feels a little more like herself before she has to go back on the road though…

Big Mac came over a few hours after noon; I had kind of expected him to be busy all day making up for yesterday, but he assured me he had finished his work early. He told me I just had to try these amazing cupcakes from the local pastry shop; while I’ve never had a huge sweet tooth myself, the way he described these cupcakes, and the fact that I hadn’t eaten since super early this morning, had me plenty excited to go and see for myself.

On the way to Sugarcube Corner, I thought I caught site of somepony I recognized from a time in my life better left in hazy memories… While it turned out to be just my imagination, I couldn’t help but think back to that time…

I don’t know if I’ve ever told you about the days just before I started writing to you; the first few weeks right after mom and Starsong rescued me… It’s definitely not something I like to remember. But I suppose that too is part of who I am now…

I remember the train from Canterlot to Los Pegasus fairly clearly compared to most of that time. I remember when Starsong had tried to take off my collar, and how distraught I was at the idea of being abandoned… I guess that part of me hasn’t changed all that much. When we finally got to her house, she had put me up in a separate room, but I had insisted on sleeping with her in her room. I don’t really remember this, but Starsong told me later that I had tried to go down on her the first few nights… Even with as far gone as I was, I can’t believe I almost did that; I’m not so repelled by the idea mind you, I love my sister more than anypony in the world, but the idea of forcing myself on her…

Of course I remember how she went about rehabilitating me by ordering me to be more independent. At the time of course, I just went along with it expecting some kind of reward from “Mistress”. When that didn’t happen, I fell even further into myself. As soon as I was allowed out by myself, I went out looking for trouble; and in a city the size of Los Pegasus, it wasn’t hard to find. I… ended up as the willing plaything of a street gang; the fact that I came away from that situation relatively unscathed was some kind of miracle…

It wasn’t long after that that Starsong ordered me to start keeping a diary, so I’m sure you remember the rest… Anyway, I really want to stop thinking about this right now. Big Mac and I are still on our way for cupcakes and I intend to enjoy them, as well as his company.

~ Starshadow