“I think I’m gonna hurl.”

“Just keep it away from me,” Soarin skipped a little away from me, and I continued to moan and clutch my aching head. It took a little while for it to settle in, but it finally hit – actually, I don’t want to say that it hit me, my head hurt badly enough. Either way, Lyra whacked me with a rolling pin. And not only was it a major pain in the neck (or head, whatever) it also raised quite a few questions.

For example, why exactly was Lyra so freaked out by me? I can’t have been that scary.

“Hey – hey, Spitfire,” I mumbled, rubbing my temples. “Am I scary?”

“Keep on the sidewalk, please,” she nudged me away from the road, where a stallion pulling a cart of beets gave me a long stare, before picking up his pace. “And pick up your feet. Still feeling light headed?”

“Uh… kind of,” I shrugged, trying to stand up a little taller. I mean, I didn’t want to look like a wuss or anything. Instead, I just tightened my towel around my waist and tried to pick up my feet, even though it felt like there were some seriously big knots on the back of my head. I’d be lucky if I didn’t have at least a concussion.

Did I mention that Lyra is totally not my favorite anymore?

“Hang on, where are we going again?” I blinked, drawn out of my haze as we started around a corner. Some of the buildings were strangely familiar, though I couldn’t tell quite why.

“I already told you, we’re taking you to a veterinarian,” Spitfire explained with an exasperated sigh. “I doubt that I’d find anything other than a theoretical xenobiologist, even with insane luck. The best I can do for now is find a vet, and try to find out just what you are.”

“I said human, didn’t I?” I threw up my arms. “What, did you not believe me?”

“I don’t believe half the things that come out of your mouth,” she deadpanned.

“Soarin!” I cast my gaze to him pleadingly. “Come on, help a psychic out.”

“Yeah, nope.” He shook his head fiercely, avoiding her glare. “I’m just goin’ with Spit on this one.”

My shoulders sagged in defeat, and I finally caved in. I guessed that the only thing I had thing I had to look forward to was being stuck with needles.

I shivered, even though it was plenty warm outside.

Needles and me don’t get along so well, because, duh.

I had completely resigned myself to my fate (actually, I was planning on ditching anyway the moment they took their eyes off of me, because I FREAKING HATE NEEDLES,) before I actually found a good reason to take off. Sort of.

I recognized where I was.

“Library!” I blurted out when I saw the Golden Oaks sign hanging out from the massive habitable tree.

“You can read?” Spitfire cocked an eyebrow in mild surprise.

“Yeah! I – why do you sound so surprised?” I frowned suddenly, crossing my arms over my bare chest.

“Oh, no reason.”

“She’s implying that you’re stupid,” Soarin offered helpfully. “Will you move your hooves already?”

“Oh god, I don’t want to get stuck with needles!” I panicked. “If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s needles!”

“What about heights?” she smirked. “And we’re just going to a v-”

“Forget that!” I grinned wildly, and tucked that away in my head for later. Yeah, like I was going to just forget that just because I found a pony in particular somewhat attractive. Hmph. See if she calls me a coward just because I’m… cowardly. Shut up. “I can prove that I’m psychic!”

“You mean again?” Soarin looked at me in confusion.

“No, it would be a first,” Spitfire rolled her eyes. “I seriously doubt that he’s telling the truth. Come on, let’s just get him-”

“No, wait, hang on!” I held up a hand in desperation. “Just hear me out. Let me check out the library first, and then I swear I’ll go along with whatever needle thingies are going to get poked into me.”

Soarin started to speak, but Spitfire cut him off.

“Okay,” she said with a hint of interest. “You can prove, without a shadow of a doubt, that you really possess psychic powers?”

“Totally!” I nodded, marching right up to the library door and banging on it. “I’ve got oodles of psychic power things.”

“Then why are you knocking?”

“To see if anyone’s home. Duh.”

The words were out of my mouth before I even registered what I was saying.

Which led to a facepalm following it.

I probably shouldn’t have done that, because my head still hurt.

It didn’t take long for a very familiar purple unicorn to cautiously pry open the door.

“H-hello?” none other than Twilight Sparkle stuck her head out the slightly open door. “The li- what in Celestia’s name…?”

I swear, her eyebrows almost came off her face.

“Hi there!” I waved, beaming at her friendlily. At least, I hoped that I looked friendly, what with my goofy too-big grin and over the top waving. Also, the fact that I wasn’t wearing any pants forced itself into my head, making the situation a lot more awkward than it needed to be.

I really should get emergency pants.

“This is Phil,” Spitfire nodded to her without pausing. “Sorry for bothering you, miss.”

“I’m Phil!” I stuck out a hand with the same stupid grin plastered on my face, even though Spitfire had clearly just introduced me. “And you’re Twilight Sparkle!”

“Uh…” she stared at me, which is probably the same reaction I would have had in her situation. All that confusion.

Perfect.

“Careful,” Soarin shifted uneasily. “We’re still not sure if he bites or not.”

I barked out a laugh, which probably didn’t sound anything close to natural or convincing, but I kept up the façade anyway. I needed this to work.

“Ahh, don’t mind my friend here,” I laughed loudly. “He is only jealous of my incredible psychic powers!”

“What?” Soarin sputtered. “I am not! How would you –”

“Psychic,” I tapped the side of my head.

Very subtle.

“What exactly is going on?” Twilight budged a little backward. “I-I have to admit, I really have no idea.”

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry,” I bowed a bit, careful to keep my towel on tight this time. “Why, I just so happen to be attempting to settle a matter between chums!”

“Stop talking like that,” Spitfire groaned. “Look, I’m sorry. He’s not psychic, he’s just something that got inside my house somehow.”

The whole time, Twilight kept right on staring like she was going on a drug trip; which, again, was pretty much what I expected.

“Well then!” I huffed, trying to sound like a displeased English gentleman and instead sounding like a walrus with hiccups. “Miss Twilight Sparkle, would you be so kind as to assist me in proving my psychic powers so that I don’t get prodded with pointy needles?”

“I – what?” she shook her head hard, as if she hadn’t been paying attention. “O-oh! Of course, of course! Come right on in, absolutely!”

I threw a smug look at Spitfire as she greeted us in, which met a bland glare.

Thinking back, I probably should have noticed that Twilight was way too eager to just let us into her home/library/tree/thing.

“Stay right there!” I swear to god, Twilight squeed. She bumped past the little dragon, who stared at me just as much as the unicorn did. “Ooh, I’ll get my thermo-”

“Er, actually,” I stopped her as she started to run into the basement. “This will just take a minute, I just need to prove this.”

“Somepony losing a bet?” Spike asked interestedly, staring me up and down. I think he was more surprised by my talking than my just existing, but he seemed to be taking it a lot better than anyone else at this point. At least he wasn’t trying to club me over the head. “Where’d you find that thing, Twi? Zebrica?”

“No!” I threw out my arm to the side, holding an invisible cape. “Behold! I am the mystical, the amazing, the psychic, the Great Phil-Nifico!”

“Oh, Celestia.” I heard Spitfire moan miserably quietly behind me, and I didn’t even have to turn around to know that her hoof had already hit her face.

“Sounds like Trixie,” Spike snorted. “Hey, can you do tricks at least?”

Even though I knew I wasn’t actually psychic, I found myself kind of offended that he wasn’t even taking me seriously.

Then again, I knew exactly what I looked like, and I wouldn’t have taken me seriously, either.

“Foolish mortal!” I wiggled my invisible cape, and cast out my fingers to wriggle them in what I hoped was a supremely magical manner. “You have no idea of the mental master you oppose! I am the Great Phil-Nifico!”

“Heard you the first time,” Spike snorted.

Straining not to lose face and wind up with a bunch of needles in my arm, I turned instead to the gawking unicorn.

“Twilight Sparkle!” I clasped my temples, and hummed loudly. “Yes, I – I see it now! I can see… see into your mi~ind!”

I think I went a little overboard, because Twilight started frowning really hard at me. She definitely wasn’t an idiot, which I really, really should have taken into account. It also didn’t help that I was losing her already, probably because she was silently comparing me to another certain unicorn.

“Ah-ha!” I said a little more loudly, noting that Soarin and Spitfire were getting a little more restless with the awkward silence that I was making. “Yes, indeed, Twilight Sparkle! I know your deepest secrets, now!”

“Knowing my name does not necessarily imply extrasensory perceptions,” Twilight stated bluntly. “Half of the ponies in this new town know my name already.”

And that little cue helped me to determine what time period I was in in relation to the show, which I also tucked away for later.

“Ahh, but that is incompetent!” I murmured hauntingly, leaning in and wiggling my hands over her head.

“Don't you mean ‘irrelevant’?”

“That, too!”

“I’m experiencing severe skepticism as to the credibility of your psychic powers,” Twilight deadpanned. “Mostly because I’m pretty sure you’re making the whole thing up. I hope you know that I’m not paying for the show.”

I shrugged before returning to my shtick. I was careful to lean in close to her ear so that only she could hear. On that note, Twilight Sparkle smells really nice. Kind of like acorns and honey. Must be the shampoo or something.

“I also know about Smarty Pants.”

Twilight froze at that, and I grinned before firing off some more trigger words.

“I know what you’re seeking. I know what you’re afraid of, Twilight Sparkle. I know your every secret, I see into your mind and nothing his hidden from my all seeing eyes. I know all about your brother, Shining Armor. And the love of his life. Sunshine, sunshine, lady bugs awake…!”

“That’s enough!” Twilight shrieked in panic, shoving me away. I pulled back, a little shocked. She gave me a look just as angry as the one I had seen on Spitfire before, but… different. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I felt a little guilty for scaring her, and it was so quiet in the library that you could have heard a pin drop.

“… I think you should leave,” Twilight finally said, shaken.

“I agree with that,” Spitfire grabbed the back of the towel with her teeth. I yelped, scooting backward quickly so as not to lose my towel. Within another couple of moments we were back outside, the sun shining brightly and a cool wind starting to pick up.

I dusted myself off with a pleased smile, trying to forget about the horrified look on Twilight’s face.

Jeez, did I feel like a royal jerk.

“Just what did you say to that mare?” Soarin pried, fascinated. “How come she freaked out like that?”

“Oh,” I lied, a little more confident now that Spitfire seemed convinced that I really was psychic and I had avoided any potential needles. “I just told her about a future relationship that she was going to be in with a muscular farm stallion.”

“Wha- that’s all you said to her?” Spitfire’s eyebrows lowered doubtfully. “Why would the librarian get that upset over that?”

I shrugged again.

“Meh. You know what they say. Once you go Mac, you never go back.”