"Um... Luna? Can you come out of the closet?" I ask as I lightly tap on the door. I really didn't expect her to lock herself in there. That's about as far from what I was thinking was going to happen as possible.

"..."

"Luna it's me. It's Miles. Babe, please come out of there."

"... Miles? Is that really you?" She asks, still hiding behind the door.

"Yeah, it's me. I know-"

SLAM

PUNCH

I blink a few times as I let the pain sink in to my chine. I slowly look back to her only to get her to hit me again... and again.

"Luna-"

"DO you have any idea what you put me through?! Do you have any idea!?" She says as she hits me a few more times.

"Why are you mad!? I'm alive, we get to live!"

"Yeah, so now I can kick your ass before anything else!" She says as she hits my chest a few more times. By this time I'm just chuckling, not caring that she's hitting me. "Why are you laughing!?"

"Because you're hitting me."

"... YOU'RE DARN RIGHT I AM!" She yells as she hits me a few more times. I laugh a bit more as I back away from her, secretly heading for the bed. Once we're close enough I rush forward and lift her up, making her yelp in surprise. I quickly climb on top of her and forcefully kiss her. She hits me a couple of times as she melts underneath me, kissing me back with equal passion.

"Still mad?" I ask after as I pull back to breath.

"Convince me otherwise and I'll forgive you." She coos before kissing me again. I chuckle a bit as I press-

"Wait a minute." I say as I abruptly stop kissing her. "I'm the one who's suppose to be mad, not you." She thinks about it for a moment before putting a fake smile on.

"B-but, I was-"

"I was on my deathbed, why didn't you tell her!" I say as I get off of her, stepping off the bed.

"Once you were... were... oh my."

"What are you looking at?" I ask as follow her gaze....

"Oh sweet Barbra... why is it black?" I ask as I stare at my member. Being slightly aroused has made it come out slightly. It's still fairly soft, only barely poking out, but I can still tell that it's... well, I was well endowed as a human. I guess 'it' makes sense. "Actually, better question, why are they all black? Storm, Big Mac, Night Fury, Damian every dick I've ever seen was black. Why?"

"Miles... how many penises have you seen?" I think about it and realize how saddening the answer is.

"Fuck it, I'll figure that out later." I say as I step towards the bed.

"WAIT!" She yells as she puts a hoof on my chest. "U-umm.... could you go out and get some condoms?"

"... are you kidding me? Weren't we suppose to be trying to have children? Why would I go out and get condoms?"

"Well... okay, why do you get to have all the fun?" She asks a she steps off the bed, making me back up.

"What?"

"One go and that's it? I'd have to wait over seven months before any further action. No way, go get some condoms." She says as she puts her hoof down.

"... okay, first off, where would I even get some. And secondly, I think you owe me a little something before I go." I say as I put my hoof down as well, standing completely straight to dwarf her.

"... w-what?" She asks, wavering a bit. I just smile and move back to the bed where I lay on my back. "You're kidding me, right?"

"Nnope. I can wait. But I can smell the heat kicking in on you... actually, how am I doing that? Anyway. I can wait longer than you can. So how about this, we have a little fun and call it even. Sound fair?" She thinks about it before climbing on top of me, straddling my hips. I rub my hooves up and down her forelegs as a heat begins to build below.

"Deal. So, what did you have in mind?" She asks as she wiggles from side to side a bit. A wave of eagerness hits me and tells her my answer. "Um... is there anything else you had in mind? I kind of want to save the main event for later. I mean, we have all the time in the world now."

"Actually... about that." I say as I slowly stop rubbing her.

"What?" She asks flatly.

"I kind of of set up a little mission thing with the Spartans tomorrow. So.... yeah." She stares at me for a moment before collapsing on top of me, sighing in defeat. "Sorry, I thought you were going to be in the Griffin Colonies for a while."

"I know, it's fine. How about this then. Go get the condoms, and we spend all night together. All. Night." She whispers the last part into my ear.

"Keep talking like that and I don't think I'll be able to leave this room." I tell her as I wrap my forearms around her, getting a deep chuckle from her.

"Go already. I'll be waiting." She says as she tries to remove herself from the bed.

"Seriously though, I'm not walking through Ponyville half cocked... heh, puns. But seriously-"

"Just do what you normally would do to get it down." I stare at her for a moment and wait for her to make the connection. "I can't be your only outlet... can I?"

"Well... I guess another cold shower could help, but-"

FLASH

THUD

*Sigh* should have kept that part to myself. Well... with nothing better to do in here I get up and turn the cold water on- ICE! Why is there ice water in here!? Why is this my life!?

........................................................................................................................................................

After a long and frustrating shower I make my way downstairs where I find Luna snacking on the leftover party treats.

"Careful, you don't want to get a bubble butt like Celestia." I joke as I walk up behind her and toss a cookie into my mouth. This one has a lot of sugar, plus something else.... hmm-

"Gingersnaps, and why are you looking at my sisters but?" She chides as she leans against me, instantly distancing herself from me. "Okay then, you're an ice cube. You going to hurry up and go get them? I don't think they'll be open for much longer."

"Yeah, about that. Celestia asked for me to keep out of the public eye, so could you teleport me there please?" I ask before trying another cookie, this one has chunks of crunchy things and some kind of chocolate... it's good-

"Almond chocolate chip, and why can't you? Do you just not know the spell?" She asks as she takes another treat.

"You could say that. So, you going to send me or..." I pause when she turns to me, holding a cookie in her mouth. "Have I mentioned I love you?"

"Mmhmm." She mumbles as i lean forward and bite the other half, ending it with a kiss.

FLASH

"... oh shit. GURL! Git over here, our prayers have been answered!" I open my eyes and find myself in some random building with my lips puckered out towards some fat pink mare. "How you doin?"

"Ahem, Er... *chew chew chew COUGH* right. Is this... uh, is this where I can buy some...condoms?" I ask as I step forward.

"CONDOMS!" She practically yells so half the town can hear her.

"WAT DAT?" Some shrieky voiced mare yells from the back, getting this mares attention.

"Gurl where you at? You gotta see dis, Sex God jus walk in an ask fer condoms!" She yells back to her friend, getting a long, loud woo in response.

"Uh... I am in the right place, right?" I ask as I look around the room. Luna, you pranking fiend. I'm going to get you back for this, one way or another.

"Kay, you uh... well, normally ya'll need ta be on da roster ta stuff, but we'll make a special exception fer you." She says with an over exaggerated wink. "Come with me to the back."

"Why?"

"So we can take yer measurements, duh."

"Why would you need to measure me? If it's a product being sold in multiple locations they probably regulate the sizes. Just get me the largest one and I'll take it from there." I say, getting a panicked look from her.

"Yes, well, ya see... the thing is... uh..."

"Oh sweet Barbra, you have no clue what you're doing here, do you?" I ask, getting her to start sweating bullets. "How did you even get this job? What the fuck!?"

"SHHHH! Okay, I'll level wit you, but keep your voice down!" She says in a hushed tones. "Look, I'll spill the beans and get you yer condoms for free, but you gotta keep your mouth shut, deal?" I think about it for a second before nodding, getting her to sigh in relief.

"WATS GOING ON OVER THERE?!" The girl in the back asks.

"GURL, DIS ASSHOLE FOUND US OUT!"

"CHEESE IT!" The last we hear of her is the sound of running and a door slamming shut.

"Anyway, we work for Cheesus. Da reason we measure every stallion that comes here is because he has a brochure that tells mares bout local stallions and what ta expect from them. Stallions don't question it... well, cause they usually get a free ride out of it."

"... that's the dumbest thing I have ever heard. What kind of idiot would fall for that?" I ask, getting her to laugh a bit.

"We got almost every stallion here. Da only reason we don't have everypony is cause colts grow up." I can't believe what I'm hearing. How... wait, everyone here... oh Storm, you fucking idiot.

"Look, can I just get the condoms and go already? I kind of don't have a lot of time to spare."

"Kay, come ta da back wit me for measurements-"

"But you just-"

"Bitch, you a ALICORN! Ya'll probably more hung den Squishy, an he's freaky! Imma have ta special order dees! Do ya know how much work ya'll making me do!? It'll be at least a week before they even come in so ya'll have ta wait anyway-"

"But I need them now! Isn't there-"

"Look playa." She says as she waves her hoof at me, somehow silencing me. "Your little monster cock isn't going to get any protected action until I convince them that you actually exist. I'd suggest birth control potions, but the mare I buy them from hasn't made any recently. She has ta go regrow her house for some reason. So yous gonna have to come wit me, whip your dick out, and shut the buck up. Do. We. Have. A. Problem?"

".... no ma'am."

"Didn't think so, now come wit me." I begrudgingly open the door and follow her down the hall to an examination room. How in the fuck did she do that? I should train her- "Okay, get on the table and lie back. This spell will get you up. We'll do the measurements quick and then you can go, ready?"

"No." I say as I get on the table and lie back.

"Don't be a bitch *ZAP*." I jolt a bit when the spell hits me. In only a few moments I feel myself tap against me stomach before pointing up at the ceiling. "Oh... hot dayum."

"Hey, are they all black? Is that normal?" I ask as it hits its peek. She ignores me and starts to wrap a measuring tape around my cock. I buckle over a bit from the sudden touch as she moves the tape up my shaft. "Easy thEEEEERRRReee!"

"DAAAAAAAAAYYYYUUUUUUUMM. Two feet a meat." She says as she measures the length.

"In terms of alicorns is that good?" I blurt out.

"Well, the standard stallion is only one foot. So... I'd have ta guess ya got a big one... hmm.... not sure though. Not like there's another alicorn stallion ta compare to." She says as she grabs it and moves it around a bit.

"Are we done yet?" I ask as I start to feel uncomfortable... well, more so than what the situation garners. She pulls back on it and lets it wiggle back in place. "Please don't play with it- WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING THOSE!?"

"Bitch, you a dick expert?"

"Those were my balls-"

"YOU A DICK EXPERT!?"

"Well.... no."

"Den let me do my bucking job *snap*!" She yells, adding a snap of the hoof at the end.

"Did you just admit to being a whore?"

STOMP

I go very quiet when she stomps a hoof down so close to me.

"You really gonna ask stupid questions right now?"

"... I'll be good." I keep quiet through the rest of my fondling. No magic, no purity. I feel... so dirty. Once she's felt me every way she wants to, she gives me a firm slap on the ass.

"Yeah, ya'll can go now." She says as she heads to the door.

"But, don't you have a spell or something to... you know. 'Deal' with that?" I ask as I stand up. She lifts me up with her magic and tosses me out of the building through some back entrance.

"Hell nah! It'll wear off inna hour, or if ya'll get off. Now, if ya'll escuse me, I have ta do 'work' now." She slams the door shut and locks it. I lay there for a moment before looking over to my right and seeing some mare staring at me. She's one of those florist shop keepers I've seen before.

"Uhm.... hi?"

"Take me."

"And that's my queue to leave. It was lovely to see you, hope you do well in life.....BYE!" I scramble to my hooves and take off running, made completely awkward due to my... problem. I make it to the end of the buildings where I meet my next obstacle. Main street.

It's a bright, sunshiny day, making it a perfect day for everyone to be out and about. Sadly for me, everyone is out. I look around for some way to make it back home without being seen, but I can't see any good routes. My best bet is to sneak my way to a cart and use it for cover, but none of them are nearby-

"Hi Miles."

"PINKIE!" I yell in surprise when she suddenly appears next to me. I look back out to the street and feel my ears hit the side of my head as every eye turns to me.

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

"Fuck it." I take off at full speed down the street. Everyone jumps out of my way as I charge through the road, some screaming while most just gape.

"DON'T LOOK WHERE I'M POINTING!"

"WHAT IS THAT!?"

"AHH! IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS!"

"MOM LOOK! IT'S LIKE THE ONE IN YOUR DRAWER BUT BIGGER! MOM?"

"SOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRYYYYY!" I yell as my cheeks melt with embarrassment. I pump my legs as run faster then I've ever ran before, making it home in a matter of seconds.

CRASH

I practically break the door down and scare the crap out of Luna when I make it home. I slam the door shut and run around the house, locking every door and window. Closing every curtain. Tossing the wolves out. And finally crashing on the couch, hiding my face from any other onlookers that might see my shame.

"Miles? What was that all about?" Luna asks quietly as she enters the living room.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Did you get them?"

"They don't make them in my size. I'll have to wait a week before they come in."

"Oh... think you could pull out then? Cause... my heat’s really starting to kick in." She asks with a bit of strain in her voice.

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

"Miles?"

Today is going to be a very long and stressful day. "Alright, let's go upstairs then."

Guess what happens next!?