"Hold up, explain this 'dragon' thing to me one more time."

Spike sighed as he swept the floor, cleaning up the ashy remains of a magical mishap caused by a failed transformation spell from Twilight. Although, it was partly Lee's fault for scaring the daylights out of her during the spell. "What exactly do you wanna know?"

Lee held the dustpan for Spike as he swept, "First of all, if you're a dragon, how the Hell is no one flipping their shit about you?"

"I'm technically still a baby dragon," Spike stressed, "so I'm really no harm!"

"But aren't you, like, twelve or some shit?" Lee pointed out.

Spike stopped for a second, "Well, dragon growth is a lot different."

Lee shook his head, "Okay, I understand that you're an assistant, but why are you doing slave labor when your boss, or big sister, or whatever the Hell she's supposed to be, can do it in five seconds with the erection on her head?"

Now Spike really stopped to think about it, "Uh... it's no trouble at all but... It's because—"

"—It's because that it's Spike's assigned job, and he enjoys helping me." Twilight interrupts as she exits the bathroom, now that the remnants of the goo had been cleaned off. "Besides, that's also how Spike earns his allowance!"

Spike smiled and nodded, "Yup! Just happy to help!"

Lee dropped the dustpan, "Wait, did you say, allowance? You ponies have a f*cking monetary system?"

Twilight raised her eyebrow, "Uh... yeah. Why wouldn't we?"

"I don't know, I thought you were all just a bunch of damn communists!" Lee pondered the possibilities of generating wealth in the Equestrian world, "How can I make some cash?"

"There's a Job Post in front of the Town Hall," Twilight offered, "maybe you can find some odd jobs there?"

Lee nodded, "Alright. Swag."

Knock, knock

Goes the oaken door as it is lightly rapped. Spike quickly responded and ran over to open it. Behind the door was a dark magenta mare with a bubblegum mane, all wrapped up in a pleasant smile. This was the local she-teacher, Ms. Cheerilee.

"Hey, Ms. Cheerilee! What's goin' on?" Spike brightly asked.

"Hello, Spike! It's good to see you, but I'm actually here for..." Ms.Cheerilee peered over Spike and spotted Lee crouched in a football position behind an unsuspecting Twilight, "Mr. Newsom!"

Lee switched off tackle-attack to answer the teacher, "Wut?"

"Well, you see, Mr. Newsom—"

"—Just Lee, ho."

"Oh, well you see, Lee," Ms. Cheerilee began to explain, "you are a completely different being, from a completely different world! And, well, we really don't know much about you, so the fillies and colts think you are some kind of... monster."

"A monster?" Lee asked.

Ms. Cheerilee hung her head low, "Yes... I understand how that..."

"... Do I have a monster name?"

Ms. Cheerilee blinked widely, "... yes, I believe so. They call you the Howler. They think you're going to eat their ears, bless their hearts." her smile returned, "Would you please come by and put an end to these silly rumors? Besides, it would be an honor for the hero of Ponyville to speak to my class!"

Lee grunted, "Hero of Ponyville? When did I do that shit?"

Spike tugged at Lee's shirt to get his attention, "Don't you remember that Virat you beat? I mean, it did happen last night."

Lee nodded in understanding, "Right, that douchebag I hit with my Altima." Lee turned back to the anticipating teacher, "'Aight, I can be a shining example for today's youth. What time?"

"is 12 o'clock good for you?"

"3 hours is plenty of time to get ready. I'll be there." Lee assured.

Ms. Cheerilee's smile grew greater with gratitude, "Oh, thank you so much! I look forward to seeing you at my class! Just bring or speak about whatever you need, I'm sure the foals will love whatever you bring!" Ms. Cheerilee looked back to Spike and Twilight, "Bye, Spike, Twilight, thanks for letting me have him!" With that, Cheerilee cheerily trotted off.

Lee closed the door and resumed the rest of his cleaning duty.

Twilight marveled at his act of service as he emptied the last of the rubbish into the trash, "Wow, Lee, I didn't think you'd be up to helping out at the class!"

Lee dusted off his hands and clothes to mark the end up the cleanup, "Why wouldn't I be?"

Twilight looked guilty now, "I figured that you wouldn't be so willing to take time out of your day to talk to foals. I guess that, yet again, I was wrong about you!"

"Of course you were. I'm too real for you." Twilight briefly experienced a bout of confusion, but she shook it off as another one of the many speech quirk of Lee's.

Spike gathered up the cleaning supplies to put them away, "So, what are you going to talk to the class about, Lee?"

"You know, just gonna tell 'em about my world and stuff..." Lee discreetly glanced at Twilight.

She was seated at the table now, pouring bowls of cereals for the three.

Satisfied she was paying no more attention to them, Lee turned back to Spike with a devious grin spelled across his face, "you wanna have some fun with this?"

Spike understood the message of silence and spoke in a hushed voice, "What do you mean?"

Lee chuckled darkly, "We can make a whole lot of use with this Howler shit, don't ya think?"

"Oh," then an expression of realization dawned across his scaly features, "Oooooooh..." Spike joined Lee in his sinister laughter.

"My l'il nigga gets it, that's right..!" Lee held out his closed hand for a fist bump, and Spike bumped it with his scaly fist

"Do you guys like your cereal soggy or something?" Twilight called from the table.

Spike put on his most innocent face, "Coooming, Twilight!"

The dragon and his manic friend take their seats at the table and tuck in. For some odd reason, Lee was still laughing in an extremely high pitch while he ate his cereal, and his eyes were halfway rolled back into his head.

This brought about much puzzlement from Twilight and Spike. Spike may have known the reason for his chuckles, but the strange yet oddly haunting behavior still perplexed him. Instead of questioning the laughing Lee, the two Equestrians ate their breakfast in silence.

Lee and Spike were walking through sunny Ponyville, making a beeline for the schoolhouse since thehe appointed time for Lee's appearance was near. It was a good thing Spike was coming along too, because Lee had not a clue of the school's location. If Lee walked unguided, he probably would have gotten bored and wreaked havoc on Applejack's apple-stand in the town square and possibly would have kicked Big Mac in the testicles again.

"You think they'll fall for it?" Spike asked Lee, his voice tinged with hope.

Lee grinned, "Oh, they'll fall for it, alright." While he was walking with his new dracompanion, a thought occurred to Lee, "Wait, if Twilight hatched you from an egg, what about the lizards who laid it?"

Spike stopped. He scrunched his face together as he pondered the question, deep in thought. It was a question no one had thought to ask before. No one but Spike himself.

"Well... I don't really know. I... never met whoever laid my egg. They just found me as an egg, so I doubt Princess Celestia would know them either."

A shred of sympathy passed through Lee. He was not an emotionless beast.

"So... you ever wanted to go see any other dragons, or whatever?"

Spike snorted, "Nah. Dragons are jerks. I'm perfectly happy with my family, right here."

Lee nodded in respect. "You're lucky. Remember that, ho."

"Oh, we're here." Spike pointed out the red schoolhouse before them. "You ready for the plan?"

Lee ruffled his chestnut brown, rounded haircut, causing his hair to unevenly spike up, "Bitch I was ready in the fetus. Go."

"But Ms. Cheerilee, why would you invite the Howler to class?" Silverspoon asked the exasperated teacher.

Ms. Cheerilee sighed, "For the last time, he is not a monster, his name is Lee Newsom! And I invited him precisely because of the bad name you've given him!"

"Aw, he ain't no monster." Apple Bloom scoffed, "I mean, sure, he walloped Big Mac in the apple-buds, but mah big sis says he's actually pretty nice!"

"Besides, Lee saved Ponyville, and maybe even all of Equestria when he took down that Virat yesterday night!" Sweetie Belle argued.

Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes, "You blank-flanks would side with a monster."

"It's true!" Ms. Cheerilee verified, "I actually SAW it happen last night, during my date."

"Ooooooooooh!" the class simultaneously 'oohed'.

Cheerilee prodded the apple placed on her desk, "That date didn't end well, because of the incident. I don't think I'm seeing him again. Well, he kept spouting nonsense about some dark master that spoke to his head, so THAT was a red flag... why can't I find a normal stallion."

"Awwwwww..."

The doorknob began to jingle frantically.

Ms. Cheerilee beamed, "That must be him, COME ON IN!"

The door opened, and Spike rushed inside with a frightened expression. Cheerilee and the class were immediately confused by his heavy panting and wide-eyed terror.

"Um... where's Lee?" Ms. Cheerilee asked.

Spike fell to the floor and crawled towards Cheerilee, "He's coming! The Howler is—"

CRAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!

Lee splintered through the wooden door, rolled onto the floor, leaped to his feet, and howled as loud as he could with the wildest eyes and the look of a maniac.

"GIMME YOUR F*CKING EARS!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" The class (teacher included) shrieked in horror.

"It's the Howler!" screamed the frightened Snips and Snails combo.

"He's gonna take our ears!" yelled Rumble from the opposite side.

"YOU BET YOUR ASS I AM! GIMME YO EARS LIZARD!" with that, Lee bent down, seemingly ripped Spike's ear fins off of his head, and stuffed the appendages into his mouth, while still screaming.

Spike clutched at where his fins were and groaned in agony, "He. Took. My. Ear!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

What did the class do? They screamed even harder. Lee responded by running laps around the classroom, screaming, windmilling his arms and spinning his body as he ran, like a shrieking Leenado (not nearly as bad as a Sharknado). As he made his second lap, Lee's foot caught onto a desk and he tripped across the room, the incriminating desk in tow.

Lee collided with Cheerilee's table, and the desk slammed into his back, breaking to pieces.

Lee's body and feelings were in intense pain, so he cried his feelings out as a plea for help. "Aaaaaaaah SHIIIIIIT! What the actual F*CK! MY BACK, a desk shattered against my F*CKING BACK! WHO THE HELL DESIGNED THESE PIECES OF SH*T?!?!"

"Lee!" Spike got back to his feet, and unfurled the ear flaps he had hidden in his scales.

He rushed to Lee's writhing side, "Oh my gosh, are you okay, man?!"

Lee eventually calmed down and stopped screaming.

He shakily inhaled and managed to answer Spike, "Just... let me lay down here for a sec... f*ck man."

Spike sighed in relief, and got to his feet, "Well, that didn't end as well as I thought it would."

Ms. Cheerilee peered up from the table she was hiding under, "Spike, he didn't eat your ears?"

"Of course not, it was all a prank, but we didn't even get to use the pyrotechnics." Spike said as-a-matter-of-fact. "He isn't a monster, he's just a riot!"

"Ooooooooooooh." The class (teacher included) simultaneously realized, and then they erupted in laughter.

Every single one except Diamond Tiara. When Silver Spoon saw that her boss wasn't giggling, she quickly shut up.

Lee staggered to his feet. "I hope you all thought that was f*cking funny, because now I probably need ANOTHER rod in my back. Now which one of you bitches wasn't laughin'?"

"Don't worry, uh, they all thought it was funny," Spike shot the douchebag-duo a glare, and they nervously laughed. They had escaped Lee's wrath... for now.

Lee pulled up a chair from the side of the room, and plopped himself down. "My name is Lee Newsom, the Legend." He held his hands up to halt the nonexistent applause, "I forgot to make a speech, so I'll take any questions now. Speak now, motherf*ckers."

The room was silent.

Applebloom tentatively raised her hoof, "Uh, where are ya from?"

Lee nodded in approval, "I'm from the land of the free, home of the brave. Amurrica." then he stood and broke into song, "AMURRICA, F*CK YEAH! COMING AGAIN TO SAVE THE MOTHERF*CKING DAY, NOW!
When he finished his song, he sat back down.

The class clapped half-heartedly at his performance, not sure what to make of the song.

This time, Sweetie Bell raised a hoof, "Can we see your cutie mark!"

Spike face-palmed, and Lee pulled a face. "A cutie-mark? Sounds kinda gay. What the f*ck is that supposed to be?"

Ms. Cheerilee giggled at his antics, "A cutie mark is the mark one receives on their flank when they discover their extra special talent."

"Ooooooh. I just thought you tattooed your asses when you got old enough." he laughed to himself, "No, I do not have a special tattoo on my ass-cheeks."

Diamond Tiara snorted, "So you're a plain, not-special blank-flank too? Ha!"

Lee blasted out of his seat and pointed at Diamond Tiara, "B*TCH I will cut your throat with that SHIT-STAINED piec of TINFOIL on your head that you call a tiara if you say ONE MORE THING!"

Cheerilee shot Diamond Tiara a disapproving look, "Diamond Tiara! You will be polite to the speaker or you will be writing lines after class!" she smiled at Lee now, "I understand your scolding, but would you please keep the language down? They're kids, you know!"

Lee's eyes widened, "Oh shit, I forgot about that. Any more questions?"

Scootaloo's hoof shot into the air, "Ooh oh! Can you tell us how you took down that Virat last night! It must have been awesome!" Judging from the class's excited reaction to the question, everyone wanted to know now.

Lee let the talk settle down and explained his swashbuckling tale of grandeur and danger, "Manager, Linguini was his name or somethin', pissed me off, so I tackled his bitch-ass into the kitchen. Showed everyone the rats. He got pissed off, became a giant rat. He was gonna say what was going on, but I sprinted out the front door. I got in my Altima, revved that bitch up, and rammed the manager with my car. It was funny because I waited until he was almost done revealing his plan. A lot of dumb villains tend to ignore what's happening because they get so intense."

"Wooooooowww..."

Rumble asked the next question, "What's an Altima?"

That was when another sensual stroke of genius caressed Lee's throbbing brain.

He whispered his plan to Spike, and asked the class one question, "Who all wants to get the shit scared out of them?"

VRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! VRR, VRR, VRRRRRRRROOOOOOMMM!!!

For the next twenty minutes, Lee fit five foals into his Altima and ripped through the empty roads outside of the town. High speeds, precarious turns, donuts, drifting, screeching tires, and exhilarated passengers filled those paths. They would leave the car, shaken, frightened, and intoxicated by adrenaline. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were on the verge of tears, but Lee enjoyed that.

There were only three more passengers left, Applebloom, Sweetie Bell, and Scootaloo. Lee thought to himself, and decided to give the teacher some fun too. In a non-perverted way, of course.

"Hmmm... I got room for one more, Miss Teacher, you're in da front! Now."

Cheerilee silently cheered as she bounced into the passenger seat. The three foals crammed into the back and yelled, "CUTIE MARK CRUSADER RACERS YEA—"

VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

Lee immediately took off, leaving the rest of the class in a cloud of dust, carrying a shrieking teacher and ecstatic foals.

Lee finished up the drive, and they all returned to the schoolhouse. Everypony was still chattering about the energizing ride, the adrenaline still pumping through their veins. Did the class end up having a good time despite the terrrifying prank and sailor's mouth? Yes they did.

"Aight, me and Spike gotta bounce, I'm almost outta gas and the car's still runnin."

Ms. Cheerilee took hold of his hand with both hooves, and shook it gratefully, "Thank you so much for everything today, Lee! We haven't had that much fun, in class since... well, ever!" she turned to the class, "Now what do we say class?"

They took a deep breath, "THANK YOU MR. NEWSOM!!!!"

Lee threw peace signs into the air, "Peace, bitches."

Suddenly, Lee sprinted back to the library, leaving Spike bewildered and alone. Spike shook off the confusion, and ran after him.

Dear Full-Moon Ass,
Today I talked to the town's class. By the way, what the f*ck, Princess? A f*cking one-room building? What the Hell kind of school has only damn room? Another thing, why the Hell are Twilight and the others not in school? I know they're about as old as me, so they should be in high school. What kind of a f*cking education system is this?!

Anyways, me and Spike were just gonna prank them (which went horribly wrong), because I figured that they didn't really care about me to begin with. The whole town probably thinks I'm some damned monster, anyways. Well, the class doesn't anymore. I guess I learned that while the class thought I was a monster, they were willing to give me a chance. I guess I better give these communists a chance too. I gotta go, see your ass at Nightmare Night... yeah that's right bitch, I know you're comin' for that. I know you want the "D". Okay that's kinda gross, nevermind.

The Legend,

Lee Newsom

The unfortunate human panted miserably as he ran, his glasses shaking with each stride, "I thought you knew where you were going!" he said as he escaped alongside the Pegasus.

The Pegasus would have been flying, but she severely strained her wing when she lifted him away from Macintosh Hills after that stray raptor surprised them.

"My bad," Ditzy apologized, "I guess this is how I got lost too, heh heh..."

What were they running from?

Bandits.

They had run into a small group of them when they exited Macintosh Hills. Luckily, they had managed to keep out of reach for a while by hiding in ditches and scrubs, but now they were on open land.

The bandits began to encircle the slowing duo in a swift pincer movement. Things were not gonna end well.

Eventually, they were completely surrounded, and there was nowhere left to run. The bandits snickered and inched forward on the two. The dark tome chuckled as well, knowing they were in more delicious trouble. The human had grown very tired of that book, but he knew that losing it was not an option. After all, it could be his only way back home.

"Well, Ditzy, in the short time I've known you, I must say that it kinda sucked ass. Because of this bullshit, not you. You're cool."

The gray pegasus giggled, "Pshaw, thanks! Although it was my fault this happened..."

Then a guttural roar split the standoff.

A large reptile leaped inside the bandit's entrapping circle, surprising both parties. Of course, it appeared to be the same raptor that surprised them before. Ditzy clung to the human's leg and trembled. However, the boy noticed something strange.

The book had stopped laughing.

He looked to the advancing raptor and apprehensive bandits, "This is so stupid."

Author's Notes:

Woooooweee, this also took longer than I thought it would. Anyways, have fun with this guys, I'll have a Nightmare Night chapter out on the 31st of course.

I decided this would be a nice chapter, a happy one. Although not a happy one for the human and Ditzy, of course.

They arrive next chapter!

Comment and tear into this, please :D