"Uh... Lee?"

"Yuh-huh?"

"Can you please explain what's going on again?"

"Why? I made sure to speak slowly."

"No," Twilight flatly says, "because this is complete nonsense."

Applejack snorts, "Ah' agree!"

"To be fair, deary," Rarity explains, "this does seem a bit impossible..."

Lee sighs, and takes a seat on a nearby chair. He really did not want to go through the "skeptic phase" that most tend to enter during situations like these. After Lee had cleaned himself of Apple Bloom's demonic vomit (with a very thorough shower), he began to think of a plan of action. Through some thinking, Lee decided to call the gang together to meet him at Sweet Apple Acres. Lee knew he could not handle Apple Bloom by himself. He needed Twilight's magic, Rarity's cloth manipulation to bind Apple Bloom, Rainbow Dash's dexterity (in case Apple Bloom tries to escape in her enhanced state), Applejack's strength (plus, having a family member nearby might calm the possessed filly), Pinkie Pie's wild card, Fluttershy's d'aww, and Spike for awesomeness. With this crack team of equines, Lee might be able to solve the problem at hand.

"Okay... here's the deal." Lee slowly says, "I came over to check on the yellow one, she started to talk to a wall, then she yelled at me, then she threw up black sludge on me, and then she nearly killed me. Make sense?"

Twilight rolls her eyes, "That doesn't exactly mean Apple Bloom is possessed by some pony spirit, which is preposterous anyways. She's probably just really sick!"

"Which is what Ah told ya!" Applejack confidently concurs, slight anger rising in her voice, "She's just sick, plain an' simple." Lee took notice of her tone. It sounded more like she was trying to convince herself than Lee... but he would poke that bear later.

Although, it seemed Big Mac wanted to harass that bear now. He walks to her and says in a low voice, "Sis...."

"Quiet, Big Mac, now's not the time." Applejack chastised.

Lee shrugs, and points to the stairs, "Don't believe me? Wanna go up there yourself?"

"Yes, I do." Twilight replies as-a-matter-of-factly, "If Apple Bloom is experiencing the nausea you said she was, it would be prudent to check on her condition. Plus, Cheerilee asked me to tell Apple Bloom to rehearse the lines to herself, if she is able enough."

Lee smirks, knowing he is about to make Twilight look very stupid. He rises from the chair and heads towards the stairs. "Come on then, if you ain't scared, and if I'm just a backwoods hillbilly who can't tell lightning from my granddaddy's spirit, then there ain't nothin' to worry about."

Rainbow Dash was the first to zip up the stairs, "Ha! I'm not scared of some little ghost!"

Twilight raised an eyebrow as she walked up the stairs after Lee and Dash, "You believe this story too?"

"C'mon, Twilight! Don't be such party-pooper!" Pinkie pipped as she bounced past her, "With all the crazy stuff happening in Equestria these days, is it so hard to believe? And weren't you wrong about kooky-stuff like this before?"

Spike, who was seated on Twilight's back, laughs as he remembers the various moments, "Yep, she sure was!"

Applejack pushed past Twilight and Pinkie Pie, grunting in disgruntlement, "'Cept Twilight's right because there ain't nothin' strange goin' on with Apple Bloom. She's just sick!"

Twilight pursed her lip in worry as her apple-bucking friend became more and more high strung over the idea of something as silly as a possession. Doubt began to pervade Twilight's mind. Maybe Lee could be right? This would not be the first time Twilight was wrong. Twilight remembered that she should keep an open mind and respect her friend's thoughts, no matter how improbable they seemed.

"You comin' Flutter-slut?" Lee called to the nickering pegasus at the bottom of the stairs.

Fluttershy backed up a few more steps, "Oh no, I think I'm fine right... over here. Heh... I wouldn't be much help any—eep!"

Lee hoisted his bundle of Flutters over his shoulder, and pressed up the stairs, "You're comin', b*tch."

"Okay..."

Twilight canters to the front of the group, and knocks on Apple Bloom's door. "Apple Bloom, are you alright? It's me, Twilight, and everypony else! We're here to check on you!"

Lee rubs his hands together in delight, "This is gonna be some funny sh*t..."

"Oh! Come on in!" Apple Bloom adorably drawled from behind the door.

Lee straightens his invisible tie, "Allow me," and pushes open the door. Lee's smile disappears as he see's Apple Bloom's current state. "HOLY SH*T!" the Fluttershy tucked under his arms meeped an, "Oh... my."

"What's wrong?" Twilight enters the room, and blanches at the yellow filly. "Apple Bloom... you definitely won't be able to make the play tomorrow."

Spike hops off of Twilight's back, and clutches his spine in terror, "That means... Diamond Tiara is gonna be the princess! Oh... man."

"Ah'm sure she'll do fine, Spike, even though she's a big stinker." Apple Bloom comforts, before violently wheezing into a handkerchief. She looked awful. Her coat had taken a sickly shade of yellow, dark rings circled her bloodshot eyes, her breathing audibly rasped against her throat, but she was smiling as if nothing was wrong.

Rarity tentatively stepped forward, "Are... are you alright, Apple Bloom? You look absolutely dreadful."

The ill filly giggled at her worry, "Ah just got a little cold! Ah'll be fine."

"See!" Applejack yells, "Ah' told y'all she was just sick! Now, we should leave her lonesome, so she can get some rest."

Lee pulls a face, "What the f*ck?! Why ain't she throwin' up on you!"

Applejack starts pushing everyone out of her little sister's room, confident that she convinced them everything was normal. They would have been convinced, if it were not for a simple comment.

"Ah'm not alone!" Apple Bloom argues, "Bob's always with me!"

Everypony freezes, while Lee slowly claps. "There it is..."

Applejack backs away as everypony enters the room in curiosity. Applejack points to the air in front of Apple Bloom and nervously attempts to explain, "It's just a little friend Apple Bloom made..! Heh, heh..."

"Oh, an imaginary friend?" Pinkie loudly asks, causing Applejack and Apple Bloom to cringe, "I had lots of those when I was a little filly! They were so much fun, but then I realized, they were imaginary!"

Rainbow Dash swoops over the air where "Bob" stood, "Yup, imaginary. No ghosts here!"

That was when a vase flew across the room, and crashed into itty-bitty pieces against the wall. The offending Apple Bloom rose from the bed, levitating by some unknown force, "Bob, isn't, IMAGINARY!" before firing a black, sludgey, vomit-bomb into Rainbow Dash's face.

Twilight's ears drooped in horror, "This is imposs—" but she was promptly shut up by another volley of stomach-missiles.

"Please, not me!" Rarity pleaded as she attempted to run out of the room. Unfortunately, Rarity was quickly plastered to the wall by a third vomit-rocket. Rarity whimpers as she slides off the wall, "My poor coat...."

Lee anticipated a fourth launch, and used a nearby Applejack as a pony-shield, causing the sludge-bomb to strike her instead. Lee placed her on the ground and puffed out his chest, "WHAT NOW, B*TCH—oh, f*ck me in the ass." Apple Bloom soared from her bed, and latched onto Lee's face, assaulting any exposed skin as she did before. "NOT THIS SH*T AGAIN!"

"So... do you assholes finally f*cking believe me?" Lee asked as he tentatively rubbed the various new bandages and bruises on his face. Everyone and everypony was recovering from the attack downstairs. The sudden possession has shaken everyone.

"Everypony got upchucked on except me, Fluttershy, and Pinkie, Apple Bloom was floating even though she's only an Earth Pony, and she had the strength of Big Mac." Spike finishes the list with a smirk, "I think something's up."

Rarity shivered, "So... icky."

"Did you see the way she pounded Lee!" Rainbow Dash adds, "That was crazy!"

Twilight shakes her head in disbelief as she paces back and forth, "This is ridiculous! Possessions and ghosts aren't supposed to be real!"

Lee snorts, "Yeah, well a lot of sh*t that's supposed to be fake hasn't been fake recently."

"Ah'm sorry, everypony." Applejack apologizes, "Ah shoulda told y'all about Bob."

Big Mac, who had been waiting for the ponies return from Apple Bloom, approached Applejack. "You should tell 'em."

"Ooh! Ooh! Tell us what? Is it a funny story, a secret, or the whereabouts of pirate treasure that your family has been living off of for five generations! Or is it—" Lee puts a hand in front of her chattering muzzle, forcing her to stop.

Applejack nods to Lee, "Thanks, Lee. Anyway, I've been... er... hidin' somethin' from y'all. Apple Bloom has been actin' mighty strange the past few days."

Everypony simultaneously says, "Mhmm."

Applejack waves it aside, "Right, right, y'all already knew that. Like I was sayin', she's been doin' weird things. At first, it was just an imaginary friend, Bob....."

"Applejack! Applejack!" Apple Bloom calls to her sister. "You need to meet Bob, he's really neato!"

Applejack craned her neck to find her sister's new friend. "Uh, sugar cube? I don't see nopony."

Apple Bloom frowns, and points to the air next to her. "But he's right here! Everypony says the same thing, but Ah seem him, clear as day!"

The elder sister smiles. She sees the game. It's just a harmless imaginary friend. She decided to play along. "Oh alright, Ah see him now. Y'all run along now! Ah got apple-bucking to do."

"... but then it just got weird. She kept talking to him, everywhere we went. At work, at dinner, with her friends, Cheerilee even told me that the kids at school were startin' to believe it! Ah tried tellin' her Bob wasn't real, since it was spookin' everypony else, but she just wouldn't listen... then she got angry, REAL angry. She dun' near bucked a tree in half! Then there were the nights... she'd scream and scream for hours. Apple Bloom started sleepwalkin' too! Ah'd find her outside, on top of the roof, across town, it wasn't right! Once... Ah found her just standing in front of mah bed in the middle of the night... she was just standin' there, starin' at me. After that, ah stopped tellin' her Bob was imaginary, because she kept gettin' so mad... it's like, Apple Bloom wasn't herself no more!"

Lee pulls a face as the story concludes, "And why didn't you call someone?"

"Because Apple Bloom said that if Ah told Princess Celestia or Luna, Bob would hurt her!" as if to accentuate her point, a clock hanging on the wall flew off the wall broke to bits, very close to Lee's head. Everypony gasped whereas Lee just scraped the clock bits off of his shoulder

"Okay... that's a pretty good reason."

"Well, we can't tell Princess Celestia or Luna, what are we gonna do now?!" Spike turns to Twilight, "Twilight? Do you have an idea?"

The Twilicorn shakes her head, "I don't, Spike! Nothing like this has ever happened before. Does anypony else?"

Pinkie Pie raises a hoof, "Maybe if we make friends with Bob or help him pass on, he'll go away?"

Everypony begins to nod and murmur in agreement at this seemingly sensible plan. But then...

"WRONG, MOTHER-F*CKERS!" Lee loudly objects, garnering much attention to himself. "THAT'S how you get yourself in even deeper sh*t, and a b*tch dies!"

"Then... um... what do you think we should do?" Fluttershy asks from under his chair (the clock seemed to have terribly frightened the poor creature.

Lee grins, and leaps off of the chair, "We exorcise the F*CK out of it!"

"Ey yo, Apple Bloom," Lee says to the bedridden filly, "you ever had an exorcism?"

"Uh, nope?" the puzzled pony asks as Rarity begins to bind her tightly to the bed rails. It was some time past midnight now.

"Okay," Lee says thoughtfully, "I've never done one either."

"Wait! You've never done this before?!" Twilight asks incredulously.

"Well, damn! It's not like this demonic sh*t happens to me every-f*cking-day! Well... actually... you know, nevermind. I GOT THIS SH*T! Rari-tits, is she secure?"

Rarity makes the last knot and brightly says, "Nice and snug!"

Lee grunts in approval. Time to piss off the demon. "Hey, is Bob here?"

Apple Bloom's neck performs a 360 degree spin in response, much to the ponies horror. "DING DONG. Yes I'm here. What, you wanna f*ck or something?!"

Lee cackles, "No, tell me who and what the f*ck you are."

Apple Bob laughs madly, shaking the room, "OH, an interview, it's about f*cking time! I like long walks on the beach—"

Lee slaps Apple Bob, "—EAT A DICK!"

"Lee! Why are ya hurtin' mah sis?!" Applejack demands.

"Don't worry, she'll heal up when Bob leaves. As I was saying..." he slaps Apple Bob once more, "EAT A FLOPPY DONKEY DICK! TELL ME WHO AND WHAT THE F*CK YOU ARE BEFORE I START CAPPIN' YOUR GHOST-B*TCH ASS!"

Bob giggles in delight, "OH, F*CK ME! YUMMY PAIN! Fine, I am a 1000 year old demon named Bolobthiz worshiped by zebra cultists! Some asshole found the statue I lived in and disturbed it, so now I'm stuck doing this!" the bed Bob was bound to begins to levitate. The lights flicker, and the windowpanes shatter as whipping windstorms form in the room, "SO WHY DON'T YOU KISS MY ASS!?!?!?!"

"B*TCH, KISS MY ANAL CANAL!"

"ASS!"

"ANAL!"

"ASS!"

"ANAL!"

"ASS!"

"ANAL!"

"Lee!" Twilight interrupts, "This is getting nowhere!"

Lee ducks to dodge a now flaming stomach-mortar, "You're right... wait, zebras... black people..." He grabs Twilight and shakes her, "ZEBRAS ARE THIS WORLD'S BLACK PEOPLE!"

Lee grabs a newspaper from a bookshelf (Apple Bloom reads the news?) and flips to the desired section. He approaches Bolobthiz once more, "You think you're big, huh? Well, try this, cock-chucker!" Lee forces Bolobthiz to gaze upon the job listings of the newspaper, "REEEEEEEAAAAAAAD NIGGGAAAAAA!!!!!"

Bolobthiz writhes in agony from the presence of responsibility, "NOOOOOOOO, NEEVEEEER!!!!!!!!!!"

"HE'S WEAK!" Lee removes his leather belt, "GRAB A BELT, WHIP, CANE, WHATEVER, AND REPEAT THE MANTRA WHILE BEATING HIS ASS!"

Rarity distributes her arsenal of buckles and belts to the ponies. "Now what, dear?"

Lee replies by whipping Bolobthiz with the belt, "ZIGGA, GET YO' STRIPED ASS OUTTA HERE!!!!"

Rainbow Dash immediately acts and repeats, "ZIGGA, GET YO' STRIPED ASS OUTTA HERE!!!!"

Rarity, after some hesitation, joins in, "ZIGGA, GET YO' STRIPED ASS OUTTA HERE!!!!"

"Ugh, why not?" then Twilight begins whipping, "ZIGGA, GET YO' STRIPED ASS OUTTA HERE!!!!"

Pinkie appears out of nowhere with a walking stick, "Ooh, me too! ZIGGA, GET YO' STRIPED ASS OUTTA HERE!!!!"

Spike grabs a broom, "Well, I can't get in trouble for saying bad words this time. ZIGGA, GET YO' STRIPED ASS OUTTA HERE!!!!"

A tear rolls down Applejack's eye as she starts to whip Bolobthiz, "Sorreh', Apple Bloom, it's for your own good. ZIGGA, GET YO' STRIPED ASS OUTTA HERE!!!!"

Fluttershy merely cowered in the corner. "Uh... I'll just watch."

"ZIGGA, GET YO' STRIPED ASS OUTTA HERE!!!!" the ponies and Lee chant and beat in unison, causing Bolobthiz to roar in pain.

"ZIGGA, GET YO' STRIPED ASS OUTTA HERE!!!!"

"ZIGGA, GET YO' STRIPED ASS OUTTA HERE!!!!"

"ZIGGA, GET YO' STRIPED ASS OUTTA HERE!!!!"

"ZIGGA, GET YO' STRIPED ASS OUTTA—"

"ENOOUUUUUGH!!!!!!!!" Bolobthiz rips from the bed's bonds, and hovers in the air, far from the belt's reach. An invisible force pushes the ponies (and Spike) against the wall with resounding force, sending stars in their vision... leaving Lee a bulwark against the demon's power.

Bolobthiz cackles at his efforts, "WHAT NOW, HAIRLESS UNCLE-F*CKER?"

However, Bolobthiz didn't anticipate Lee punching him in the face. Bolobthiz reels from the pain, "Wait a minute... this doesn't make sense, those slaps in the beginning hurt too! But, living beings can't touch me! Unless...." Bolobthiz's rasping laughter rang out once more, "You have had contact with a very dark and powerful magic... wait, why are you crouching?"

Lee bellows, "BECAUSE, F*CK YOU AND YOUR MAGIC!" before leaping at the floating Bolobthiz, tackling him through the second story window and bringing the possessed filly to the cold, hard, frozen ground.

Lee groaned, and rolled off of Bolobthiz. He may have broken the fall, but it still really hurt.

Bolobthiz attempts to rise, but only falls back to the ground. Bolobthiz turns back to Lee and grimaces, "It seems that the dark magic you have touched has given you more than enough power to harm spiritual beings..."

Lee pushes off of the ground, and steadily stabilizes as he stands. "So... that means you felt the two -tory, back-breaking drop?"

"Every single f*cking bit... plus, your added weight didn't help."

"Hey! F*ck you too."

Bolobthiz chuckles, and blankly stares at the sky, "YOU HAVE WON THIS TIME, Lee Newsom... BUT I'LL BE BACK, AND LET'S SEE IF YOU CAN STOP ME THEN, DOUCHE-SUCKLER! AHAHAHAHAHA—"

Lee gives him a final kick in the ribs, silencing the demon, "—Just f*cking leave already."

The haunted filly seemed to respond to Lee's voice (not his strike or the drop, thankfully) , and slowly opened her eyes. Apple Bloom notes her surroundings and the panting Lee. "Lee, what the hay just happened?"

Author's Notes:

There you have it, the Exorcism Arc. As you can all see, this had a lot of influence from The Exorcist and The Boondocks (that episode, Stinkmeaner Strikes Back). I hope there aren't too many errors in this, because I don't have time to look back over it since I'm about to leave for a Christmas party.

Yes, Bolobthiz will return later. No, he is not a major overarching villain.

Merry Christmas, and Happy Hearth's Warming!