“-And then we’ll have to put the request through a council of nobles, which isn’t hard to get approval if I put in a good word,” Aunty said to Ares as Twilight, Shiny, Luna, and I fiddled with the runes that we had made with chalk on the stone floor of one of the castles empty rooms.

“Then what?” The human asked, thumbing through a book with a hint of a smile on his face.

We had worked around the clock, and, with a bit of luck and a forbidden spell or two, we finally had the beginnings of a portal spell to get Ares home and maybe begin contact with the humans.

We had to hurry up and test it out though, Aunty Luna and Celestia needed to go back home in a few days, their work at home was piling up and they had already done more than enough to help. We all had multiple discussions about just taking everything to Canterlot and finishing the portal there, and, to be honest, I was seriously considering it.

Really, it wouldn’t even be that hard for me to arrange everything for a long stay at my old home, the Crystal Empire had a council that honestly could do what I did everyday, and it had been a while since I’ve been home.

We still kinda wanted to test out the spell though, or at least Twilight wanted to test it ‘for science!’…

But it was okay since Aunty Celestia had made sure that that all we were going to try first was a scrying spell to see if we found the right plane that Ares and his people lived in. Oh, and she was at least eighty-seven percent sure that the spell wasn’t going to blow up in our faces.

So I guess you could say that what we were doing was super-duper safe!

Not really though...

At least that’s a better percentage than you usually get for this sort of thing. I mean, this wasn’t just an average scrying spell where you’d just spy on somepony that you liked; we were pretty much tearing a hole through realities.

And yes, I’ve done that with a scrying spell…. Just like every unicorn mare has! Yep, we actually all do it, just trust me.

I was drawing the third circular runes and had about finished, but Aunties and Ares conversation was a little too silly for me to properly concentrate, something that you kinda needed for something this complex.

“So if I get all of that done then what?” The human asked, sitting next to Aunty Celestia and playing with her mane while he read.

My Aunty sighed contently, lowering her head onto his lap to give him better access. “Well, after the nobles approve then Luna, Cadence, or I need to give it our blessing.”

“We would be happy to do so, human friend!” Luna said with a smile, looking up from her work. “As long as thou do something for us…”

The two rolled their eyes at her. “How about I introduce you to some of my more adventurous friends, Luna?” Ares said, Luna clapping her hooves together happily.

“Huzzah! We will diddle all of the humans!”

Shiny looked slightly disgusted at that, grumbling while he did his work.

Ares nodded at that. “Alright, and then I get the title?”

Aunty nodded. “Yes.”

“And ponies will have to call me by that title?”

Flash Sentry, who was standing beside the human, looking bored out of his mind, snorted. “I won’t be calling you the lord of the cuddles, Ares,” he said, Ares looking over at him.

You see? I told you that it was silly. I mean, the only time Ares ever did any cuddling was with that nurse once… I think.

“Oh, you will, Flash,” the human said with a little tease in his voice. “And before I forget, are you ready for later today, Flashy-boy?”

Flash sighed at that. “...Yes.”

Ares looked over at Shiny. “What about you, Velma? You ready for some heavy lifting?”

The stallion snorted. “Yes I am, human, though I still don’t understand why we need this ‘Zen garden’.”

“It’s for our ‘bonding’,” Ares replied, beginning to play with Aunty’s ears.

Shiny’s eyes narrowed. “Not for summoning more humans?” He asked, the rest of us rolling our eyes.

“Yep,” Ares answered. “We’re making a garden that somehow teleports people. Aw shit, Mercedes, you got me. ”

Luna looked up again. “We have looked over those plans,” she said. “It cannot do that.”

Shiny’s eye twitched, and he was about to say more when I interrupted him. “...And done! All we’ll need to do is put some magic through one of the runes and a ‘window’ should open.”

I looked over to Aunty Celestia, who was laying down adorably with her eyes closed and a smile on her face while being scratched. “Aunty, could you come over here and see if everythings in order?” I asked. “This is your area of expertise.”

Aunty’s smile grew at that. “I don’t think anypony can be an expert in spells this powerful,” she said, “I’m just one of the most knowledgable.”

She cracked open an eye to up at Ares with. “Ares, you need to let go of my ears for a moment.“she told the human, who let her go after a moment’s hesitation . “Alright, lets see here…”

She got up and started to slowly circle our work, her gaze slowly looking over every rune, looking for imperfections “Yes, the third circle seems to be right, as does the first… Hummm,” she picked up a piece of chalk, fixing an error she saw. “And that should be it!”

We all let off a relieved sigh at that, that thing had taken hours for us to do and I’m sure that nopony wanted to do it again.

Twilight clapped her hooves together eagerly. “Good! Now all we need is a little magic,” she turned toward Aunty Celestia. “Princess, may I have the honors?”

“Hang on!” Ares said, getting up and moving to a table, putting his book down as Flash walked over with him. “Just let me and Flash get ready for any magically related accidents popping off.”

Flash nodded, hoofing Ares a hard hat and a pair of safety glasses. “Ready, Ares?”

The human flipped the table on its side and the two got behind it, their heads popping up from the edge. “Ready, Flash.”

Twilight rolled her eyes at that. “There’s no need for that,” she said. “We’ve gone over the runes for over a week, there’s not going to be an explosion of anything silly like that… Or at least there’s a good chance that wouldn’t happen…”

“Says the unicorn that can put up a magical shield to protect herself,” Twilight huffed at that and we all giggled, all of us keeping a bit of magic in our horns in case something did happen. “Light’em up, Purple!” The human said, pumping an arm into the air.

Twilight snorted and the closed her eyes, concentrating her magic on the starting rune.

We all watched, all of us holding our collective breath, as the first rune sparked to life glowing in a purple, shimmering light, it starting a chain reaction which caused the others to go off.

Twilight smiled in triumph. “Everything seems to be going smoothly, “she muttered, mostly to herself, putting more magic into the runes. “Now for the next phase.”

Her horn glowed brighter, the runes starting to hum violently, the air starting to shimmer around the runes. “There’s the second step,” Twilight said, a bead of sweat starting to form of her forehead. “And now time for the final step…”

“That’s really neat,” I heard Flash say. “At least if this blows up the explosion will be awesome.”

“Yeah it will,” I resisted the urge to facehoof when the two high-fived.

Twilight grunted, her horn sparking with energy, and, with a tearing sound, she opened a hole in reality, a bright light blinding us all for a moment.

Now, I know that that seems like it would be a bad thing, but it really isn’t that big of a deal… in theory. If we’re right then all we need is a little magic to patch it up. The most simple way to explain it is like a tear on a shirt that you need to sew together. First you need a ‘needle’, or Aunty Celestia to use her magic to ‘sew’ the tear back together.

See? Easy as one, two, quantum, nuclear super-magic.

I blinked a couple of times. “Did it work?” I asked as the light started to dim.

“Pika.”

We all stiffened when we heard something talk, it sounding like we were hearing it under water.

Ares popped his head up from the table with his silly hard hat and goggles on, staring at the portal. “Is that?...”

“Pikachoo.”

He hopped over the table, wide-eyed and with a big smile on his face, making his way over to the portal. “Pokemanz…” He nearly whispered as the rest of us crowded around the portal.

My eyes narrowed when I saw a really cute little yellow rat-looking creature just sitting on a rock in the middle of a grassy field. “What and the hay is that?”

I turned toward Ares, who looked like he was about to hopped around in excitement. “Ares?”

“I wanna be the very best..” He began, all of us looking at him in confusion.

“Art thou broken, human friend?” Aunty Luna asked as Ares made is way closer toward the portal, a dopey grin on his face and his arm stretched outward. We all looked at each other in alarm, Twilight and Shining trying to stop him from getting any closer.

“Don’t, Ares!” Twilight said, latching onto his leg. “If you touch it it might send you there!”

“Like no one ever was!”

Shiny growled, trying to push the human back and failing horribly. “Princess,” he said to Aunty Celestia. “Is this the human’s world?”

“To catch them is my real test, to train them is my cause!”

Aunty, who was watching in amusement, shook her head. “From the look on Ares face I do not think so,” she picked him up with magic. “I’m sorry, Ares, but I cannot let you do that.”

The human struggled in the air. “NO! Come on, just let me in there for a few minutes!” He said, Celestia putting him on her back as Twilight cut the spell off with a sigh that sounded like one part relief and two parts sadness. I almost laughed when I saw Ares broken-hearted expression, but that would've been mean.

So I just giggled.

Hey, don’t look at me like that, you weren’t there.

“B-But, the pokemanz…” He whimpered, Aunty Celestia rolling her eyes.

“Was I right in that wasn’t your world?” She asked, looking a little more worried when she saw tears in the human’s eyes.

“No, it’s a made-up world where I’m from…” he sighed, looking away from us. “But I wanted to punch Ash so hard in the face…”

Aunty gave him a nuzzle, letting him off her back. “I’m sorry, Ares.”

He waved her off. “It's fine,” he didn’t sound like he meant that. “Just do me a favor and look at these worlds without me. Can you do that?”

Celestia hummed thoughtfully. “I believe so, all we’ll need is something that you brought with you from your world.”

Ares looked down, taking off one of his shoes and presenting her a sock. “Thank you, Ares,” she said taking the sock as Aunty Luna walked over, patting Ares on the back.

“Art thou okay, Ares?” She asked, Ares nodding.

“...Ya, I’m fine.”

“We believe that if you made out with us then thou would feel better.”

Ares snorted at that, standing up. “No thanks, Luna,” he looked toward Shiny and Flash. “Are you two ladies ready for some real work?”

Aunty waved a hoof dismissively. “You may leave, the only ones that really need to be here are Luna and I.”

Twilight but her lip at that, looking unsurely at Ares. “Ares, would it be okay if I watched you make this ‘Zen garden’?”

The human cocked his head at her. “What’s with the shyness, Purple?”

She drew a circle in the carpet. “The princess may have told me to ask you for permission whenever I want to study things about you since… my little incident.”

“We’re not going to be doing that much that’s interesting,” Ares told her. “Just a lot of earth moving, its going to be boring.”

I saw Twilight’s eyes glaze over slightly. “But I’ll be able to learn a thousand year old human tradition,” she looked up at him, her puppy-dog eyes on full blast. “It is an old tradition, right, Ares?”

Ares flinched, like I did every time when Twilight did that to me when I was her babysitter, muttering, “I think its older than that, but trust me purple, its not-” he sighed, covering his eyes with a hand. “Fine, FINE! Just stop doing that!”

My Aunt's and I giggled as Twilight let out a happy squee, tackling Ares into a hug. “Thankyouthankyouthankyou!”

Our giggling grew when the human tried to wiggle her off him. “Purple, personal space,” he told the purple unicorn. “Besides, your bro looks like he’s gonna punch me in the mouth.”

Shiny snorted. “As you said, Ares, you, the Private, and I are going to bond making this ‘garden’,” he looked at me from the corner of his eye.

“I don’t think there’s a need for violence for anything you do… Well, you may need a smack in the head but its not my place to do it,” to my shocked delight, my Shiny smiled, Ares grinning back at him.

“Alright, good enough for me,” Ares said, poking Twilight in the sides, the mare squeaking and letting go of him. “Come on, Candy, you gotta come too, you gotta help us get ready.”

I raised an eyebrow at that. “And why do you need me?”

“I’m guessing that you know how to do hair?”

“...Yes, why?”

“Just come on, I’ll tell you on the way.”

With that we all left the room, leaving a rather put out looking Aunty Luna and a smiling Aunty Celestia.

“We do not like that the human is playing hard to get with us, Tia,” I overheard her tell Aunty, who, even though I couldn’t see her, I could tell was smiling.

“I believe that you may need to up your wooing, sister.”

“...Thou art right, Tia; then we will be the first to have a human as a royal consort!” I giggled as she continued. “Our human friend can also diddle you, dear sister, if that is your wish.”

“Oh, well thank you, Luna.”

“Thou art welcome, Tia.”

“I was using sarcasm, sister.”

“.... Then we hope that thou step upon a colored cube made of hardened plastic, sister.”

Two hours later…

Now, I’m sure you’ve seen Zen gardens all around Equestria by now; for some reason they really caught on when they heard that I had one, and they are really pretty. It’s a simple design where all you need is a little bit of land, a ton or two of sand, and a few big stones and you have everything that you need.

Ares is right when he told me they were a tranquil place to relax; when you’re sitting on one of the stones and you’re the only one there… something happens to you, like all of your stress is just gone and the world seems to slow down.

That being said, and you might not think so, but they are bucking hard to build. Well, not difficult per se, but there’s just a lot of labor that goes into building one, especially one as big as mine. And the outfits don’t make it any easier…

“Ares!” Flash whined, fidgeting with is odd-looking dress. “This thing is itchy! And do we have to put our hair up into buns like this?”

Ares, who was also in what he called a ‘kimono’ with one of my mane extensions on his head and tied up into a bun, looked down at the stallion, a shovel in his hand. “Yes you do, Flash; now quit bitchin’, you big baby.”

Shiny wasn’t the happiest looking stallion at the situation that he was in, and I may be a little at fault with that. But he looked soooo cute!

“Cadence, please stop,” he said as I fussed with his dress. “I need to help Ares with this.”

“But Shiiiinnnnny!” I whined. “You’re so cute in this thing! Just let me go and get a camera, please!”

Ares chuckled at Shiny’s misfortune. “Candy, put your boy down, we have a shit load of work to do. You can fondle him later.”

With a teeny bit of disappointment, I let Shiny go, the stallion picking up a shovel and walking toward the human. “The Private is right, Are; do we really need to wear these?”

Ares nodded, putting his hands on his hips. “Yep, you see these things are gonna make our work difficult, sweaty, and all around awful,” he grinned. “But it’s tradition, so we gotta do it like this.”

Twilight, who looked from her furious notetaking, said, “So they wear these in your world?”

Ares shrugged, hefting his own shovel. “Yeah, I think so.”

I got up and cracked by back, making my way over to and sitting at the table that a servant had brought Twilight and I to sit at.

“Well, you boys have fun,” I told them, sipping a cup of tea. “Twilight and I will catch up, maybe talk about boys~” I smiled behind my tea when Twilight’s face exploded into a blush like I knew it would.

Ares walked over and patting her on the head. “Don’t let her get to you, Books,” the human told Twilight. “Go over there and tell her all of the ass you get from my boy Flash over there.”

Now it was Flash Sentry to blush, the stallion all but tackling Ares to the ground. “You shut your mouth, Ares!” The stallion hissed while we all laughed at him, except a certain husband of mine.

Shiny cleared his throat. “Can we please just start with this, please?”

The human pushed Flash off him, rolling his eyes at my husband. “Oh, is Barbra impatient?”

“No, I just don’t feel comfortable with us talking about my little sister’s sex life,” Shiny calmly said, despite the smile that he was trying to hide. “You have a sister, don’t you, Ares? I’m sure that you wouldn’t appreciate us talking about her like that.”

Ares laughed at that, driving his shovel into the dirt. “My sister needs to get laid, Jennifer, I’d love to be able to talk about all the guys that I put in the hospital for trying to sling their shit at her.”

With that the three started digging out an area of about a hundred square feet, it all being about two feet deep, and Ares was right, it looked like it was bucking hard work. It didn’t help any that it was about eighty degrees outside, something which was odd for that time of year.

Twilight and I spend the hours catching up with each other, Twilight telling me about everything happening with her friends, and me telling her about how I was doing with Shiny and our kingdom, the two of us in the shade getting tired just watching the stallions work.

Their work really isn’t interesting enough to describe, it was just a bunch of shoveling and moving dirt, some of the grunting was interesting though, but when I commented that the three sounded like they were making a little song I was ignored.

“Ares,” I called after about five hours of them working. “Why don’t you come over here and get something to drink, maybe take a little break.”

Ares snorted, throwing another shovelful of dirt. “I’m fine, mom.”

“You’re still not completely well yet,” I told him, resisting the urge to roll my eyes. “I just don’t want you overexerting yourself.”

“I’m fine, mom,” he told me again. “Oh, and since I got your attention, can I get my allowance early this month, all of my other friends parents are letting them go fishing and I need some booze money.”

I giggled, saying in a motherly tone, “As long as you finish your chores then I don’t see why not, now come over here and talk to your mother,” I said, patting a seat right next to me.

Ares shoved his shovel into the dirt, panting slightly. “We should go and take a break anyways ladies,” Shiny and Flash looked enthused at that, the two dropping their shovels and trotting over to us, Flash practically ripping his sweat-drenched kimono and dumping a jug of water on his head after a servant had brought it out.

“Oh, sweet Celestia’s furry bal-” he began, stopping when he probably realized that using my aunt’s name in vain in front of us might not have been the best of ideas.

“Celestia’s what, Flashy-boy?” Ares said with a smile, cupping his ear. “Come on, finish that up.”

“I, um, what I mean was…”

I thanked a servant as she brought out a another jug of water and a few cups- the mare probably knew they would do something like that because, as everypony knows, all servants can see into the future- giving Flash a comforting pat on the back. “Don’t worry, Flash, I’m sure I’ve used Aunty Celestia’s name like that once or twice myself.”

I tried to grab the water but Ares intercepted me, dumping the water in his face, sighing as he also ripped off his dress. “Oh sweet Cadences-”

“None of that!” I shouted, my ‘babysitter face’ staring down the grinning human. “I’m not going to hear anything lewd with my name in it!”

“-Shining pink hair?...” Ares lamely finished, playing with the servants ears as he plopped down in a chair, the others following. “Sweetie, I’m sorry about making your life hard but could you get Matelda over there a jug?”

The human leaned back into the chair and closed his eyes after a now blushing servant left. “Man, piss on these kimonos, those Chinese are some hard little fuc-,” he saw my look. “Fudgsicles.”

Shiny and Flash groaned in agreement. “Ares, are we almost done?” Flash whined. “Can we at least stop for the day?”

Ares scrunched his face up. “Hmm, we did do a lot… Sure, as long as we get up early to finish this thing. The sands somewhere around here, right?”

I nodded. “Yep, it came in the other day, along with the stones you wanted.”

Ares smiled. “Awesome,” he opened an eye, looking around. “Say, are the princess still cooped up in that library? I thought Luna would be-”

“Princess Luna, Ares,” Twilight corrected, looking up from her massive amount of notes, tapping her quill against her cheek with a thoughtful expression on her face. “Hmm, am I right in guessing that you have ball-and-joint sockets that connect your arms and shoulders?”

Ares shrugged. “Purple, I have no idea. Now, as I was saying, you’d think Princess Luna would of loved to watch our sweaty asses do this all day.”

…

Celestia and Luna watched wide-eyed as they gazed into the odd sight that was in the ‘mirror’. For some reason, this world had a bunch of rather handsome-looking men dancing in speedo’s at what looked like a beach. In the background there was surprisingly fruity music playing from somewhere, the sight of everything that was going on in this world dumbfounding even Celestia.

“...Sister, may we-”

“No, Luna.”

Luna sat down on her rump and crossed her hooves, pouting, “All we need is an hour or so in this world! We have the power to return on our own if need be.” The princess of the night licked her lips. “Look, Tia, that gentlecolt is rubbing lotion onto his fellows!”

The older alicorn watched as one of the big, tan men frolliced along the sand beach, a big bottle of suntan lotion in his hand.

Celestia sighed, rubbing a temple with a wing. “No, Luna.”

“Thou art killing us sister! We will also bring one back for you and-” Luna squealed in delight at something that happened on the oddly homoerotic world. “Huzzah! Did thou see that, Tia? That man, as the fillies and colts say, took it like a champ.”

…

I shrugged, getting up from my chair and flinching at my popping joints. I’ve been sitting down for too long, I thought, looking toward Shiny. “Shining, why don’t you go get a shower and in a little bit we can get some dinner?” I asked.

Shiny nodded tiredly, and I could still tell that he was still a little mad at me by the slight narrowing of his eyes. “Alright, Cadence,” he said, not noticing that a jug of water was about to be poured into his head.

Flash tried to save his commanding officer. “Um, Cap-”

Splash!

Twilight and I giggled and Shiny let out a sigh as Ares dumped the jug of water into his head, the now-dripping stallion looking up at the grinning human. “You know,” he calmly said. “I’d be more upset if that didn’t feel so good. Still, you can go buck yourself.”

“I love you too, Jude.”

5 minutes later.

I wonder how I can get Shiny’s mind off Ares, I thought as the two of us made our way back to our room. Even though I’m happy to have him as a friend, Ares IS kinda putting a strain on our relationship. Maybe I can take him on a night out on the tow-

“Excuse me, Prince, Princess,” A voice said, interrupting me from my thoughts. Shiny and I turned around to see a very serious-looking Doctor Stitch standing there looking at us.

“Oh hello, Doctor, is there something that you need?” Shiny asked.

“You seem tense, Dr. Stitcher,” I added, a feeling of worry starting to gnaw at me for some reason. “Is there something wrong?”

My feeling of worry didn’t lessen when the doctor sighed, taking off and cleaning her glasses with a sleeve.

“The results of your blood work have finally returned. My apologies that it took so long, I thought it prudent to get some of the tests done again to see if the results were correct.”

My worry started to become panic as the doctor continued. “Now, one of the tests that I ran to see if there were any genetic complications that were getting in the way of either of you having children was a chromosome analysis, a procedure that we don’t usually do but I wanted to be thorough. Now, remember it’s not an exact-”

“Please, Doctor,” Shiny irritably said, “I’ve had a long day, could you please just tell us the results of the tests?”

The doctor flinched at that, taking a shaky breath. “You’re results came out negative on every test, Prince Shining. By all accounts you’re a perfectly healthy stallion that can have all of the foals that he wants,” I could feel my heart beating in my chest and my breathing was becoming ragged as the doctor turned to me, a look of pity on her eyes.

“By the blood samples that I took from you, Princess Cadence it also said you were a perfectly healthy mare,” I almost fell over in relief.

“But,” My relief turned right back to panic as she continued. “When I did your genetic testing I learned that there’s… something different about alicorns from ponies,” the doctor started to pace. “You’re so close to us on a biological level that I had to look again to see it, but when I found it, it all made sense as to why you haven’t been able to conceive.”

Shiny walked over and all but grabbed the doctor by the coat, a panicked look in his eyes. “Doctor, what. Is. Wrong. With. My. Wife?” He snarled, butting heads with the doctor.

Calmy, she pushed him away and made her way toward me and, putting a hoof on my shoulder.

“A pony has thirty pairs of chromosomes, at least that’s what scientists have been able to see with the technology that we have now, ” she said sadly. “The Princess has almost fifty from what I’ve seen with the equipment I have here… I’m sorry, Princess, but the chances of you being able to conceive are slim to none ….”

Thirty minutes later…

Ares sighed as he stepped out of the shower, rolling his aching shoulders. Man, I’m gonna be fucking sore in the morning, he thought, smirking slightly. Ha, no one can tell me not to cuss in my mind! Fuck Shit Cunt Ass! he shook his head, smiling.

Man, you know you’ve gone to a new low when you’re happy that you can swear to yourself…

“Well, I’d better get dressed,” the human muttered to himself, “The Princesses are probably gonna want to eat soon. We better not be eating cabbage soup again, or I swear to god I’m going to eat one of the cooks.”

Ares looked in the mirror that was in his bathroom, frowning when he saw his ribs sticking out. “Still too skinny. Gonna need some meat to fatten me up,” he arranged his hair a little. “Still gorgeous though.”

Chuckling, he dressed and made his way out the door, walked leisurely to Cadences and Shining’s room, while on the kinda long walk the human let his mind wonder.

We did a lot of work today, he hummed to himself. I’m even starting to grow on Matilda, just a little more and- Ares stopped when he heard crying.

“Is that… Candy?”

He increased his pace, almost running as the crying increased in volume with every step he took, until he turned the corner to see a discomforting sight.

Both Luna and Celestia were by Cadence’s door, gently tapping it, Shining was sitting in the middle of the hallway with a thousand-yard stare, muttering to himself, there was even doctor Stitch there looking like she had killed someone’s puppy and was really sorry about it.

Needless to say, Ares was concerned.

Walking over to Shining Armor, the concerned human knelt down and said, “Shining, what’s going on? What’s wrong with you? And why in the hell is Candy crying?”

Shining didn’t even look up at him, his breathing ragged and his coat looking even whiter than it was. “I’ll never to able to hold a foal of my blood in my hooves…”

Ares started to lightly slap him in the face. “Hey, Shiny, ya gotta come back to the real world buddy,” getting more worried, Ares started to hit the stallion harder and harder until he felt a hoof on his shoulder.

“Mr. Ares, please stop hitting the Prince,” Ares turned around to see a teary-eyed Stitch. “He’s had a very rough day,” the doctor nudged her head and the two walked a ways away from everyone.

“Alright, Doc,” Ares said, sounding calm despite how he felt. “What the fuck’s going on?”

“It really isn’t-”

The human leaned down until he and the doctor were touching noses, a fierce look in his eyes. “Doc, you’re gonna tell why Candy’s in her room, crying her eyes out with all of you here like someone's just kicked the bucket or I’m gonna eat you,” he bared his teeth at the now shaken doctor, knowing that it would unnerve the pony.

“I just told the Princess some horrible news,” the doctor said, keeping the tremble out of her voice. “It’s…”

One explanation and a hasty decision later.

“This is really, really stupid, Ares,” the human muttered to himself. “You goddamn dummy; I mean, you’re scared of heights!”

After the doctor’s explanation on what had happened, the human had walked over to the princesses to ask what could be done to get the princess of love out of her room, all three of them worried about a pony who had just been told that there was a good possibility that she wouldn’t be able to have children being by herself.

After putting their heads together, the three first tried to talk her into opening her door, then they tried to get Shining to snap out of it, i.e. Ares hitting him some more until Celestia made him stop, thinking that her husband might be able to talk to her, but the shock of the news kept the stallion in his shell-shocked state.

Not finding any good solutions that he felt would get the alicorn out of her room quickly, and fearing that since Cadence had stopped crying that she was about to do something everyone might regret, Ares decided to take matters into his own hands to help his friend.

And what was his solution? Why, it was going a floor above Cadences room and jumping out the window, hopefully hitting the balcony and not falling to his death, and somehow get her out of the room or tell her that the doctor, who herself said that genetic test weren’t all that accurate yet, could be full of shit.

There were a few problems with this plan though.

Since he was sure that either of the princesses would approve of this plan, Ares neglected to tell them what he was going to do, which meant that if he missed the balcony then it was a long way down to the cold, hard, unforgiving ground. Ares also had the slight handicap in that he was kinda, sorta, really scared of heights. The fact that it was windy out that day or that he was looking at a ten foot drop weren’t helping his fears any either.

So there Ares was, hanging out a window and trying to talk himself into jumping, the ten foot drop seeming about a hundred when he eyeballed it.

“You can do this, Ares,” the human said, trying to pump himself up. “Your friend is down there balling her eyes out and maybe trying to kill herself. Her Aunt’s are just tapping the door and her husband is losing his fucking mind so you’re the only one that can do anything.”

He took a deep breath. “Now all you need to do is let yourself fall ten feet on a windy ass day and hit that tiny, balcony and- sweetOdinI’mgonnafuckingdieandIcan’tdothis!”

He all but scrambled away from the window, silently cursing his cowardice, dusting himself off and starting for the door. Maybe one of the Princesses will talk her into opening her door, Ares thoughts as his hand touched the doorknob. Or maybe Shining will-

Sometimes all you need to do is fake yourself out in order to defeat your fear, and that’s just what Ares did, spinning around and making a beeline toward the still open window. Before the fear could return the human swung both of his legs out the window, sitting on the frame, letting out a final battle cry as he all but threw himself out the window.

“FUCK ME!”

…

Have you ever felt so sad or angry or hopeless that you just feel hollow inside? Like there’s this hole in your stomach that feels like you could put everything in the world in it and you would still feel hollow?

If you have times that by a thousand, then another thousand, then you have the beginnings of how I felt.

I, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, the princess of love and leader of the Crystal Empire, would quite possibly never have a child because of something that I have absolutely no control over, and my husband, who was a perfectly healthy pony, would have to live with not holding a foal that we made together for as long as he lived.

Naturally, I was upset.

I didn’t even let the doctor say anything else when she told us, I just turned around and slammed my door in her and Shiny’s face, using a spell to seal my door before I jumped on my bed and started to cry my eyes out.

The doctor telling me that I probably wouldn’t be able to have kids that wasn’t the worst part. No, the worst part was the look on Shiny’s face when the doctor told us. I don’t think I’ll ever un-see that look…

I wiped the tears from my eyes and got up from my bed, ignoring my aunt’s calls as I made my way over to my table and eyed a pen meaningfully.

Well, will you look at that, Cadence, I thought sourly. You can’t rule your kingdom properly, you need other ponies to help you fight your own battle, and now you can’t even start a family with your husband.

I put my head down on the table, whimpering and closing my eyes, the tears starting to come back. It would have been better if you’d never been bo-

“FUCK ME!”

I spun around when I heard somepony yell, which was followed by a thumping sound a moment later.

“Urk- I did it!” A voice yelled from my balcony, which was followed by a pain-filled groan. “Oh sweet Mother Teresa’s gazongas, that hurt!”

My instinct to help whoever needed my help outweighed the cocktail of negative emotions that I was feeling, so I all but sprinted to my balcony to see Ares curled up in a ball, whimpering in pain.

“Ares?” I said, confused, Ares looking up at me with a weak smile, uncurling from his ball.

“Candy, I came-”

CRACK!

Ares head whipped around when I hit him with a hoof, the humans eyes widening as I stared him down, my eyes blazing in anger.

Ares squeaked when my hoof came back to angrily backhand his other cheek.

“I SPEND MONTHS FIXING YOU UP AND YOU JUMP OUT A BUCKING WINDOW?!!” I roared, using the royal Canterlot voice, Ares flinching. “YOU’VE DONE SOME STUPID THINGS, ARES, BUT THIS, THIS-” I fought back a sniffle, tears coming to my eyes.

“...You could have died,” I whispered, looking down at the now red-cheeked human, who just opened his arms wide.

…

Holy shit does Candy hit hard, Ares thought as he opened his arms widen for the teary-eyed alicorn, who tackled him and brought him into a bone-crushing hug, which he took with grace, patting her on the back as she bawled like a baby.

“There there,” he muttered, thanking every deity he could think of that she hadn’t impaled him with her horn. “Just let it out, Candy,” He resisted the urge to roll his swelling jaw as the minutes flew by, until the pink alicorn was sitting in the humans lap with her muzzle in the nape of his neck, sniffling.

The alicorn finally looked up at the human. “Ares,” she finally said. “Are you alright? I’m sure a ten foot fall wasn’t good for you.”

Ares smiled at that. “I’m fine from that,” he said, the alicorn resting her head on his shoulder. “But you really shouldn’t have pimp slapped me so hard, you nearly took my head off.”

That didn’t get the smile from her that he hoped, and the two lapsed into silence again.

“I’m sorry, Cadence,” Ares finally said. “I couldn’t even begin to guess how you’re feeling right now,” he tightened the hug. “Someone else might tell that you need to be strong or some bull like that, but fuck those people.”

He got a weak snort for that.

“Most of the people that say that haven’t gone through what you and Shining are going through right now, so I’m just gonna sit here and you can cry on my shoulder or sock me again in the face until you want to do something else.”

That got him a nuzzle, the two once again lapsing into silence.

“Did the doctor say anything else?” Cadence finally said in a whisper.

Ares slowly nodded. “Yeah, I got her to explain to me that your whole genetic, science-y thing isn’t the most accurate thing right now because it’s in the super early stages, especially since she doesn’t have the best equipment in the world.

The pink alicorn took to that like a drowning man to air. “So, she might be wrong?” She whispered again, looking up at Ares with tears still in her eyes.

Not wanting to lie to her, Ares shrugged. “Honestly, I have no idea, I’m not the one with a medical degree. But I think you should probably go to a hospital or lab where they know what they’re doing. I mean, between you and me, that doc you got out there is a quack.”

That got the smile he wanted, which was followed by a sigh.

“Is Shining okay out there?” Cadence asked, her voice getting a little bit stronger.

“He could be taking it better,” Ares said neutrally. “Everyone’s out there worried about you.”

Cadence started sniffling again, tears coming to her eyes. “And here I am crying like a fil-” Ares snapped her mouth shut with one hand, whipping the tears out of her eyes with another.

“None of that, now,” he sternly said. “That attitude’s for Debbie Downers, and you’re not a Debbie Downer, Candy, now just shut up and sit here a little while longer.”

That got him a grateful smile, Cadence wrapping her wings around him in a hug. Which would have been a tender moment if Ares stomach hadn’t rumbled loudly, mirth coming to Cadences face as the human looked sheepishly down at her.

“What? We haven’t had dinner yet,” he defended.

Cadence tried to contain a giggle, which grew to a chuckle, which then grew to a full belly-laugh, the two’s laughter echoing throughout the room.

It feels really good laughing right now, the alicorn thought with a smile on her face.

“You feel better, Candy?” The human asked the alicorn, who shook her head and sighed.

“To be honest, not really,” she admitted. “But being a crybaby isn’t going to help anything.”

Cadence looked into Ares eyes, her back straightening. “So I’m going to go outside, get Shining and help him through this, and get everything ready for a trip to Canterlot,” she gave him a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “I mean, Canterlot has some of the brightest minds in Equs, if there’s any group of ponies that can help me it’s them.”

Ares gave her a pat on the back. “You’re a better pony than me, Candy.”

The alicorn gave her friend a nuzzle. “You’re not a pony, Ares.”

He nodded sagely. “My statement is still correct.”

Later the next day…

Ares fell onto his bed with a tired groan. “Ugh, piss on building that garden by myself,” he muttered, not turning looking up when he heard a pair of hoofsteps following him into the room.

“Thou did not build it by theeself,” Luna said, taking off her chest plate and her shoes along with her sister. “We also helped thee.”

“You complained the whole time,” Ares said, crawling under the covers with the two sisters crawling under soon after.

The princess of the night gave her friend a playful nip on the neck. “Cur! Thou would still laboring if it were not for us,” she teasingly said, Ares moving her hooves away from more intimate places.

Ares looked over his shoulder at Celestia. “Did you help Candy get everything done, Princess?” He asked the older alicorn, who wrapped her hooves around him and brought his back to rest against her barrel.

“Yes, everything is ready for our departure tomorrow,” she said as Luna wrapped his front in her own hug. “Have you packed everything you need, Ares?”

The human nodded, closing his eyes. “Yep, I got my toothbrush and jammies and everything,” he lapsed into silence before almost whispering, “How’s Candy doing?”

The older alicorn smiled, nuzzling the top of his head. “She and Shining Armor are getting by, even I’m impressed with the strength she’s showing,” She looked down at him, frowning. “I’m sure your… actions the previous day helped her.”

“You’re still mad about me doing that, huh?”

The older alicorn snorted. “What you did was sweet, Ares, but it wasn’t the smartest or safest thing to do. I’m sure we would have gotten her out of that room with less extreme measures.”

“Nay, sister,” Luna interjected. “We find our human friend’s actions noble! We can only hope that we can have somepony that would do this if we ever fall onto hardship.”

“She’ll be alright,” Ares said, mostly to himself. “She’ll go to those doctors and they’ll fix her right up and she and Shining will have loads of kids…” He looked up an inquisitive-looking Luna

“Oh, um sure, as long as I don’t have to do anymore heights I got you, Luna,” Ares told Luna, how almost hit him in the face when her hoof shot out.

“Huzzah, we will-” Luna stopped when the three heard a knocking on Ares door, Ares wiggling out of the sisters grasp, grumbling, and made his way to the door.

Opening the door he saw someone who he never expected would show up at his door. “Doc?” The human said, confused, as he looked down at the uncomfortable doctor. “Da hell are you doing here, its like two in the morning.”

“Hello to you too, Mr. Ares,” the doctor said with an eyeroll, adjusting her glasses with a hoof.

Ares flinched at that, still guilty about the other day. “Listen, Doc, I sorry about the whole teeth baring-”

The doctor waved the apology away. “You helped Princess Cadence, Mr. Ares, I will not fault you for getting a little aggressive.”

The human smiled at that, patting the doctor on the head. “Well, good, I didn’t want the gal that saved my ass pissed off with me,” he leaned on the doorframe, looking down at the now smiling doctor.

“Now, whaddya need, doc? You here to wish me a good one?”

The doctor returned to her usual neutral expression, and, taking off and giving her glasses a quick cleaning, she said, “Well, Mr. Ares, you know I’ve taken blood, hair, sperm, and skin samples from you as well as studied numerous behaviors that you-”

“What a second,” Ares interrupted. “When did you get my sperm? I don’t remember giving you any sperm.”

The doctor ignored the question, brushing past him and taking off her lab coat. “The point is there is one last test that I have been meaning to do,” she hopped onto the bed and sat between the two princesses. “I need to study your sleeping patterns while with others,” she levitated her glasses off her face and onto the nightstand.

“And before you ask me why I need to do this, you’re not the one with a medical degree and trying to explaining it to you would take too much time so come here,” she patted the bed. “Come on, we have some experimenting to do!”

A flabbergasted Ares looked at the doctor, blinking slowly. “....What?” He finally said, truly stumped.

“We believe that the young doctor wishes to also sleep with you, human friend,” Luna said, a big smile on her face. “We condone this, human friend, this bed seems empty with just the three of us!”

The human and unicorn yelped when he was lifted into the air by Luna’s magic. “Huzzah, we are making all of the friends, dear sister!”

Celestia rolled her eyes. “There are quite a few different and better ways to make friends, Luna.”

“Thou may be right sister, but this way we are able to grope anypony we please without repercussions!”

Author's Notes:

Annnnnnd we finally find out who has the baby issues, and, for some reason, our 'hero' is making his way to Canterlot.

It took a little bit of time and a few rewritings of Cadences freak-out and I think I did okay, cause I'm sure you didn't want the really sad or dark scene that I was going to do.

So, Cadence becomes closer to Ares as Shiny becomes more distant... Not too shabby if I do say so myself.

So until next time...

Will Ares kill Blueblood when he sees him?

Will Cadence find solace in Canterlot?

Will Luna diddle Ares like you all keep yapping for?

Will the princess of the night become even more OOC?

Find out!... In the next chapter, because I'm not gonna tell you in this one.