Blah, blah, blah, love quote

--George Washington

“…Hey, Flash.”

“Yeah, Ares?”

Ares stood up from his seat—the cooler the two had brought with them for this fishing expedition—and slowly started to wiggle the blood back into his legs and ass.

“Have you even seen a fucking fish yet?” he demanded, before plopping back down.

Flash rolled his eyes and adjusted the fishing pole that he was holding. “You know I haven’t,” the stallion muttered, using a wing to snatch his hard cider from the bottom of the boat. “So could you quit being a baby and just sit there?”

The human grumbled, silently debating whether or not to roll the boat to get away from this hellish boredom. “Why and the hell are we even here?”

“Because you brought us here,” the stallion responded, his eyes scanning the still lake with eagle-like focus. “Just like I told you the last five times, you baby.”

Flash facehoofed when his friend tossed his pole into the boat and crossed his arms, much like a child would. “Why do I keep coming back here?” he said to himself. “Each time it just cements the fact that I hate fishing.”

“Because we aren’t allowed in the castle for a couple of hours,” Flash said, cocking his head to the side. “Did anypony say what that was about?”

Ares grumbled incoherently, grabbing his fishing pole again. “Nope, Candy just kicked my ass out and got the princesses to set guards so I couldn’t get back in…”

Flash nodded. “It was the same for me with Twi—” the guard almost stopped himself in time, almost saved his day from being ruined by teasing, but it was too late.

Ares grinned evilly. “Oh, ol’ purple’s already got you on a leash, huh?” he teased, enjoying Flash’s blush. “Well, hopefully she’s let you get to third base then.”

Flash’s eyes widened in panic, the stallion’s gaze going to the sun. “Ares,” he hissed, almost sounding scared. “Don’t say that around that,” he pointed at the giant orb before leaning toward the human.

“The princess can hear you!”

Ares just rolled his eyes. “She cannot, Flash, you superstitious ninny.”

“She can too!”

“Cannot.”

“CAN TOO!!!”

Flash put his pole down and launched himself into the air with a flap before flying right into his friend’s face. “And stop talking about what me and my fillyfriend do—and we don’t do anything, for your information-- in the privacy of our chambers.”

Ares grinned again. “So you two are bunking together now, huh?” he nudged the stallion, almost knocking him into the water. “I didn’t think you had—”

“If you say one more word I will drown you,” Flash threatened, trying to look fierce with a blush on his face and failing miserably. “I swear by all that is holy I will bucking kill you until you die!”

The Ares put his hands up defensively. “Alright, alright, I’m done, I’m done,” he assured, Flash flying back to his edge of the boat.

“Besides, you and Princess Cadence sleep together in the same room,” Flash said, grabbing his pole.

Ares nodded slowly, a far-off, contemplating look in his eye. “Yeah, I guess so…”

“How has the princess been doing by the way?”

The human’s grip tightened in his pole. “She’s been acting weird,” he said. “Like super weird…”

“How?”

Ares frowned, looking out into the water. “She’s been making us just stay in bed most mornings now, but she doesn’t look like she’s sleeping right, stuff like that,” he shifted in his seat. “Maybe she’s just sick or something like that…”

Flash nodded, a look of concern growing on his face. “Twilight told me the other day that Princess Cadence sent the captain a letter,” he said, looking back into the water. “Maybe she’s just stressed out about that…”

Ares nodded before throwing his pole into the water and grabbing the bait that the two brought. “Alright, enough of this,” he said, standing up and lifting the can of worms above his head. “If I have to do anymore fishing in this lake again, even for a second, I’ll lose my mind.”

Flash sighed. “…So, we’re done fishing?”

His friend nodded, cocking his arm back to throw the worms into the water. “Yep, the two of us are gonna go see what’s up, so why don’t—”

Ares and Flash froze as a giant, green tentacle shot out of the water and grabbed the worms, another tentacle patting the human in the head before shooting back into the water with a little splash.

Flash opened his mouth and instantly closed it, his mind trying to process just what happened. “What?... Ares, was that a—“

The human, his eye twitching, slowly looked at his hand before frowning and glaring at the water. Sighing, he threw up his hands in frustration. “Lake monster, fucking really?!” Roughly sitting back down, he grabbed an oar, ready to leave this madness behind him.

“Man, fuck you, Pony-god!”

@~~~~~@

“And that thing was just in there that whole time…” Flash looked up at his friend, who was handling the fact that he just witnessed a giant lake monster far too well for the stallion’s liking. “That thing could have eaten us!”

“That thing’s the reason why my fishing poles don’t stay in the lake; hell, it’s probably the reason that there’s no fish in there,” Ares grumbled. “I’mma go get a knife and made some sushi out of the fish’s ass…”

Flash nudged his friend roughly. “Ares,” he all but yelled. “We. Could. Have. Been. Eaten! How are you not freaking out?!”

The human looked down at his little pony friend. “Because I have a whole bunch of deep shit that I have to get through right now,” Flash raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment. “Some big monster isn’t even on my radar at the moment.”

“Oh… Do you want to talk about it?”

The human’s look softened for a moment. “No thanks, Flash, that’s nice of you but what I’m dealing with isn’t something bros can talk about together.”

Cadence wouldn’t stop looking at you when she thinks you’re not looking; that’s suspiciousness if I’ve ever seen it… she has to be doing something today…

Ares blinked, surprised at the thought.

…Wait, why do I care? It’s not like she’s doing anything that’d mess me up… Hopefully.

Flash opened his mouth to say more when saw his friend’s shoulders sag. Thinking for a second, he walked over and nudged him again. “Well, if you want to talk about it, you know who to talk to,” he said with a big, bright smile.

Ares smiled back, patting Flash on the head. “Thanks, Buddy,” he said, a bit of a pip in his step. “And if you need any sexual advice for you and your girl you can come to this guy.”

The human would’ve experienced the power that a pony can conjure up for a buck—especially if that pony is a guard—when a yell saved him.

“Ares, Flash, there you are!” The two looked up to see Twilight trotting toward them. “I’ve been looking for you!”

The little unicorn huffed irritably. “Weren’t you guys at the lake?”

Flash nodded. “We were, but there was this monster…”

The bookworm’s gaze turned confused as she looked at Ares, who shrugged. “There was this big tentacle thing that stole all of our bait,” he explained.

“…Really,” Twilight said after a moment. “And you two are okay with that?”

The two males shrugged as they walked past the unicorn, who followed them.

“It’s not really that big of a deal,” Ares said. “Whatever that thing was just took the bait; heck, I think it helped push us to shore when we were trying to get away.”

“…So there’s a friendly lake monster in the lake that I played around for years…” Twilight narrowed her eyes at the two. “You know, I don’t believe you…”

Ares nodded. “Alright…. Now why were you tracking us down?” he smiled before leaning down toward her. “Couldn’t keep your hooves around you boy, huh Purple?”

Twilight blushed, pushing him away. “N-No!” he stuttered, though that didn’t stop her from walking side-by-side with her coltfriend. “Cadence sent me to get you.”

“Why?” Flash asked, trying to sneak in a nuzzle that Ares pretended not to see.

Twilight giggled quietly, her face red while she nuzzled him back. “She doesn’t want me to tell you…”

The human’s eyes narrowed, but he didn’t say anything as they slowly made their way back to the castle, Ares so lost in thought that he didn’t even bother to tease the two little lovebirds and their almost constant touching.

Maybe she’s mad about what happened the other day with Celestia, he thought worryingly. Women are always pissed about stuff they say that they’re not mad about… I mean, what else could it be?

He resisted the urge to laugh as Twilight and Flash almost face planted into a wagon that was in the middle of the street, the two looking sheepishly at each other for a moment before continuing their lovey- dovey nonsense.

Was there something I set up with the cook that I forgot about?.. No, then she wouldn’t have told us to piss off this morning… A thought wormed its way into the man’s pondering head. She didn’t look at the medical papers, right? She wouldn’t know it’s my birthday…

Not that Ares hated birthdays or anything; he was just one of those people that never saw the point in celebrating one step closer to kicking the bucket. That and he never really liked cake—a fact that a certain princess was STILL upset about.

“…Ares.... Ares!” Twilight said loudly, snapping the human out of his thoughts.

Blinking, he said, “Hum, what do ya need, Purple?”

“I was asking if you got that card I got you for.... you know,” she said, deliberately not using the birthday word.

Flash blinked. “What card?”

Ares closed his eyes for a second and silently groaned. Purple got me a birthday card? he thought, wondering why he didn't get it. Man, fuck...

. “She got me a spa pamphlet, Flashy,” he lied. “I was thinking about going out and having a little relaxation day.”

The Private narrowed his eyes. “…Really?”

Flash’s friend nodded before starting to whistle a little tune, not convincing the stallion at all, though he didn’t say anything else as the three made their way to the castle.

Before they reached the doors, Twilight stopped Ares with a hoof. “Cadence wants you in the kitchens,” she told him.

He threw his hands up in the air theatrically. “Could you at least tell me what’s going on?”

The unicorn giggled slyly before grabbing her coltfriend with her magic. “Have fun~” she practically sung, trotting down the hallways with a wiggling Flash in tow.

“Twilight, please let me down!”

“Sorry, Flashy, I can’t; it’d ruin our dramatic exit!”

Ares watched the two until they disappeared down a corner and shook his head. “It’s just one of those days,” he muttered, slowly walking down the hall. “Flash didn’t even take any of this fishing stuff… dick…”

After a few minutes of walking back to his room and stowing the stuff away and getting shirt, the human made his way toward the kitchens, that feeling of foreboding coming back when he saw that the kitchen lights were off.

“… This is a trap if I’ve ever seen one,” he muttered, slowly crouching down and poking his head through the doorway, trying to see into the darkness. “Are those batponies trying to jump me again?…”

Slowly, and keeping to the walls, Ares entered the room, his hands looking for the light switch. Well, I don’t know how you got Purple into your scheming, Batponies, he thought as a quiet clank sounded off somewhere, singling that someone else was in the room. But I’m on to you, you adorable little bastards…

“Where’s that light?” he whispered to himself, his hands reaching away from the wall to try to find a table. “Do kitchen’s have a different light set-up here?”

Slowly, he shuffled forward a few feet, his hands clenching and unclenching in all directions, until he grabbed something.

A big something.

A big, soft, squishy something that squeaked in surprise when he grabbed it.

A big, soft, squishy something that sounded a hell of a lot like Cadence.

With a loud click the lights flooded on, blinding Ares for a few seconds before he was eye-to-ass with a very familiar tail and cutiemarks.

Ares opened his mouth while Cadence looked back at him, a blush exploding on each of their faces as they looked at each other.

Stepping away from his hands like they were on fire, Cadence cleared her throat, refusing to look at him while she said, “…U-Um...”

The human brought his hands down to his sides. “…Sorry, I was looking for the light and…” he trailed off awkwardly before the alicorn’s legs cocked back in a bucking position.

Aw fuck! Ares thought while a pair of legs slammed into his chest, knocking him through the air a few feet, lifting him off the ground, before he crashed, wheezing, to the ground with a crash.

Cadence’s eyes widened and she gasped, trotting in place in panic. “Omygosh, Ares I’m sorry, it was an accident and—”

The human just groaned and looked up at the ceiling as the hysterical pony trotted around him, her eyes wide in panic. Christ, she kicks like a hor—he stopped, smiling at the thought before, with all of the willpower in his body, rolled over on his side to see Cadence standing over him, still freaking out.

“You just grabbed my flank and I just kicked and IdidmeanitandIreallyreallysorryand—”

She stopped when Ares clamped her mouth shut with a hand. “Jesus, Candy, calm down for a second…”

…

I looked down at Ares as he let go of my muzzle, his hand hitting the floor with a light thump.

Boy did I buck up… I thought, my eyes slightly watering as I sat down next to my… friend.

“Are you okay, Ares,” I asked, sniffling slightly.

“…Yeah,” That was a lie and I knew it. “…Just… Give me a… Minute…”

“I’m sorry…” I practically whispered, leaning down to nuzzle him. “I panicked when you touched my flank and I had a little delayed reaction and—”

“I know… I know… Just calm down…” He said, trying to get up and slumping back onto the ground.

I stood up, using a spell to help him sit up. After taking a few more breaths, he looked up at me while I smiled weakly, “Happy birthday!” I said.

“Oh fuck you,” he rasped, dusting his pants off. “Who told you that it was my birthday?”

My smile dampened a little bit, and he rolled his eyes and patted me on the head. “I’m alright, Candy. Alright, how about we ignore me grabbing your ass and you kicking me, huh?”

I opened my mouth and closed it before nodding. “That’s probably the best thing we could do,” I said with a giggle, nudging him toward the table where his cake and presents were. “Come on; let’s start your birthday party.”

Rubbing his stomach, he limped toward the cake—which I spent the whole morning baking and icing—and picked up the little wrapped present that was right next to it.

He patted me on the head before hopping into the counter. “Aw, this is really sweet, Candy, you didn’t have to do this,” he looked down at his present while I blushed, thinking my little ‘plan’ over.

“It’s my best friend’s birthday!” I said. “In fact, I’m pretty mad that you didn’t tell me!”

Alright, you sent that letter to Shining, I thought to myself. You can tell Ares how you feel without looking like a whorse or a cheater or… I sighed, shaking my head with a little smile while I watched Ares rip apart his present’s wrapping like a foal.

You’ll figure it out….

…

God, does my stomach hurt… Ares thought as he tried to take off the clear tape that had insisted on covering every inch of his present. Nono, you be a big boy, it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t hurt.

While he probably needed to go see a doctor—at least so the guy/gal could give him something for the pain—Ares couldn’t find it in his heart to do anything other than opening his friend’s present, the pink alicorn looking up at him with an adorable hopefulness that a man only sees once in a blue moon.

“Did you have to tape this thing up so much, Candy?” he asked while she smiled up at him, not saying anything .

I would’ve taken the present without a box… Ares thought when he finally ripped all of the stuff off. Putting the little box right next to his ear and shaking it. “Do I get a hint?” he asked.

The pink princess shook her head, a big smile on her face as she hopped up right next to him—almost closer than Ares was comfortable with.

She must just be excited about this, he thought dismissively, opening the little lid on the box and smiling at what he saw.

“Do you like it?” Cadence asked excitedly, bouncing around on the counter in barely contained glee.

Ares blinked, reaching into the box and pulling out a little crystal heart. “Huh… it’s a heart…”

The princess nodded, her expression dimming when she saw that he wasn’t as excited as she was. “Yep, it’s a tradition in the Crystal Empire to give someone a heart for their birthdays,” She looked down at the slightly glowing crystal.

“It’s for that special pony that you’d trust to give your heart to,” Cadence said, putting her head on his shoulder.

“….Really?”

The alicorn nodded. “Aunty Celestia said that it was a tradition all the way back to the founding of the pony tribes,” she giggled quietly when she saw the human’s confusion.

“A what now?” Are said, thoroughly confused.

“One of Equestria’s founders, Princess Platinum, tired of the ponies of Equestria and their troubles, led a small group of her followers to a place she discovered as a child so they could live in peace,” Cadence said, trying to fully remember the story she was told as a child.

“The little group of ponies traveled all across the land until they reached a desolated wasteland of ice and snow, the lush landscape the princess remembered buried under the tundra. Apparently, the Princess’s old getaway had been stolen by the Windigos like her old kingdom had, and she despaired, weeping for her and her people.”

“The princess’s advisor, Clover the clever, a stallion of unrivaled wisdom---and somepony that loved the princess more than anything-- saw the unicorn crying and tried to do everything in his power to make her happy again."

Ares smiled. “The guy had it really bad for her then?”

Something changed in Cadence’s eyes. “That’s what Aunty said,” she said wistfully before continuing the story.

“Now, Clover knew that there was nothing that the princess loved more than gems, so, using all of his knowledge and power, he went down deep into the earth and pulled out a diamond of the finest quality. Night after night he labored over it, crafting it into a heart to try to show the mare how he felt.”

She sighed, placing her head back on his shoulder. “What he didn’t know was that some love that he felt for Platinum had gone into the heart, along with much of his power, so when the princess was given the heart--and the unicorn saw the love in the stallion’s eyes-- it glowed brightly when she realized that she loved him back.”

A very touched Ares looked back down at the little heart before wiping a stray tear off his cheek. “And they lived happily ever after, right?” he finished before wrapping an arm around the pink pony.

She nodded. “They used the power of the crystal to build a great kingdom, which they passed into their son, Sombra,” And he went and ruined everything, she silently finished while enjoying her half-hug.

“…I really don’t know what to say, Cadence,” Ares said in a choked up voice. “Thank you, honestly.”

Cadence smiled.

“This is way better than anything I think I’ve ever gotten for my birthday.”

The smile grew.

“I guess that’s why you’re my best friend, huh? You can think of stuff that gets me right in the ticker.”

As soon as Ares said ‘friend,’ Cadence’s smile was gone.

…

…Really? I thought, while I looked up at the possibly thickest creature in the history of everything. Am I not making it plain enough? I mean, I lost sleep over this!

I frowned when he gently placed the heart back into the box before looking over at the little cake that I made him. “Well you look at that,” I smiled as he looked back at me. “Did you make that, Candy?”

Maybe humans do this sort of thing differently… Or maybe he just isn’t interested in me, I shook my head, pushing that thought away. Nono, don’t get your hopes down; you should probably test the waters out…

I haaad thought about just telling him about how I felt, and, more than once, was going to say that I like-liked him, but I could never do it. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to try my best to see if my friend might have a little interest in me…

…I could sort everything out after that, and hopefully with him if this goes the way that I want it to.

“Do you want a piece, Cadence?... Candy? Cadarino? You alright there?”

I blinked, looking up at him. “Yeah, yeah, please,” I said, a little too fast for my liking. “I’d love a piece of your cake!”

He snorted in amusement and I flinched, blushing. Was it this hard with Shining when he asked you out?

A pang of guilt hit me when I thought about the stallion. He’ll be happier, probably happier than he’s been for a long time, if he finds somepony else, I thought while Ares slowly tried to wiggle off the counter. ...Though I hope he doesn’t take my letter too hard…

I don’t know if that I was feeling was right—if it was just a little childish thing that happened because of everything that happened—but something told me that I had to follow it… If that makes any sense to you.

Heck, it still doesn’t make any sense to me and I’m the one feeling it.

All I knew was that whenever I looked at Ares Costelnock, human, gardener, and my best, best friend, whether he was looking his best or looking his worst, I felt that horrible, terrible, treacherous emotion.

Love.

Liebe, amor, like-like, that lovey-dovey feeling, the goosebumps, love, LOVE, LOVE.

And I still didn’t know how I felt about it; even though I had been feeling it for longer than I cared to admit.

“Hey, Candy, did you put a knife somewhere?” The human asked as he tried to hide the fact that he was once again holding his stomach, which made me shake my head.

“Ares, lift up your shirt,” I said, hopping off the counter.

He looked at me in surprise before he scrunched his face up. “Nah, I’m good.”

“You’re still in pain, aren’t you?”

He didn’t answer me, just using a hand to grab the bottom of his shirt so I couldn’t pull it up.

With a little snort, I walked up to him and tapped him on the thigh. “Please, Ares,” I said quietly. “Let me see your stomach.”

“Candy, it’s not—”

“Please?”

“… Fine,” the man grumbled, wincing as he slowly lifted the shirt up to show a hoof-sized bruise in the middle of his stomach.

“How is it?” he asked me, while, feeling terrible, I sat down.

“You have my hoof printed on your belly,” I said sadly, sniffling while I looked away from him.

To my surprise, he just smiled, looking down at his bruise. “No shit?... Heh, neat,” he said in amusement, gently probing his belly. “It’s almost like in the cartoons.”

“Are you sure that doesn’t hurt?”

He nodded, waving me away. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I can hardly feel it at all.”

“And you’re not just trying to make me feel better by saying that?”

“Nope.”

I couldn’t help myself, I smiled, using a spell to magick a knife and a pair of forks toward him. “Alright then… Could I have just a little piece of cake please?” He just doesn’t want to hurt my feelings… I should probably get him something to help with that; it looks like it really hurts…

Ares nodded, cutting us a slice each. “So, where’s everyone else?” he asked, handing me my cake before going back to the counter and hopping up on it. “Is Luna outside right now in a huge stripper-cake ready to pop out and scare the shit out of me?”

I hopped right next to him, gently leaning in his side while I popped a forkful of cake in my mouth. “Twilight said that you told her that human’s didn’t celebrate birthdays.” I said teasingly, enjoying the contact.

“I knew it was a load of horseapples, but I figured that you didn’t want a party so it’s just me and you.” This cake is burnt, I thought after the second bite, panicked. Oh sweet Faust, THE CAKE IS BURNT!

I looked to the side to see that Ares had already finished his cake and was reaching for another.

Blinking, I said, “You like it?”

He smiled at me. “Best cake I’ve had in months.”

…

This cake is burnt, Ares thought as he smiled at the pink alicorn, who beamed up at him before nuzzling into his side. I think she even burned the icing… Can you burn icing? Do you have to cook it?

That still didn’t stop him from choking down two more slices—Cadence did make that cake and he couldn’t hurt her feelings. That look on her face was worth the probable stomachache that was in his future.

“I couldn’t eat another piece, Candy,” he said, desperately wishing that he had something to wash the taste of burnt cake out of his mouth. “You know, if you ever get tired of this princess stuff, you could always be a chief.”

The alicorn giggled, nuzzling his side. “Thanks, Ares, that’s a real relief; I spent the whole morning making that.”

Ares frowned, but wrapped his arms around the pony. What’s with her? He thought while she nuzzled his neck again. She’s really being clingy today…

“You know, I have another little ‘gift’ for you,” Cadence’s horn glowed, teleporting something in front of them that Ares had wanted for weeks, something that none of the ponies in the whole damned city would let him have, no matter how much be bitched and moaned.

Alcohol.

Alcohol that was just a big bottle of some fancy-smancy wine, but still sweet, sweet alcohol.

Ares opened his mouth and then closed it, the human trying to convey what he was feeling and failing. Lifting Cadence up and placing her lap, wrapping her in a hug, he said, “What about you saying that I wasn’t going to get any booze from you.”

Cadence giggled, wrapping her wings around him and putting her head in his shoulder. “I thought that you needed a treat.”

“You’re the best, Candy.”

She nuzzled his neck. “Thanks, Ares.”

“There’s… more, right?”

The alicorn almost fell over laughing, her hug tightening. “There’s more, I promise.”

…

I hugged Ares tighter, resisting the sudden urge to kiss his neck. Did he always smell this nice? I thought, nuzzling his neck, enjoying his slight shiver. I couldn’t help but giggle. Boy, I have it bad, don’t I?

It was like they always talked about love in the stories that I read when I was little; a love that I thought I knew about. I could almost relate with a changeling as Ares started to slowly scratch my back; if this was how it was, I could understand why it was so addictive.

It was something that made me feel safe, like as long as he held me there was nothing that could hurt me. It made me feel happy, so happy that I had to resist the urge the to wiggle my hoofs around in excitement. It was wholesome; it makes every other day that I didn’t know this seem empty.

Basically it was like thinking your whole life that you’re really good at something—and you love doing this something—but then you see it in its most perfect form; an apprentice seeing a master’s work if you will. Compared to this love, everything I had done and seen in the name of that emotion almost looked cheap.

I know I sound like I’m overreacting, that I’m probably blowing things out of proportion, but trust me, I’m not. In fact, I still don’t think I’m conveying it well enough to you.

“I love this,” I whispered.

Ares looked down at me, slightly breaking the hug a little bit. “What was that, Candy?”

Just tell him…. “Nothing,” I told him, giving his neck one final, slightly disappointed nuzzle before breaking the hug and hopping off the counter.

With a smile, I trotted over to one of the kitchen’s many drawers and opened it. “Now all we need it are two glasses and a wine open—”

I looked over my shoulder to see the silly man trying to get the cork off the bottle by using his mouth, an intense look of concentration on his face as he yanked at the bottle.

“Ares,” I said sharply, though I couldn’t keep that little smile off my face. “Don’t do that!”

Ares looked up at me, then eyed the bottle, before letting go of the cork. “…I was trying to open the thing….”

“No, you were trying to rip out your teeth trying to open that bottle,” I said, pulling out a little wine opener. “Just hoof that to me before you hurt yourself.”

“Alright, Mom,” he said, sticking his tongue out at me before tossing the bottle carefully toward me.

“Someone needs to keep you in line,” I answered playfully, snatching the bottle out of the air with a spell. “Now, I put a pair of wine glasses—”

“Wait, why do we need wine glasses?” Ares interrupted, hopping off the counter. “We can just drink out of the bottle.”

My eye twitched and it took a lot of effort to keep myself from laughing. Screwing the tip of the wine opener into the cork and twisting it until it reached its base, I said, “One, because we’re not savages,” With another spell the cork was off with a little pop.

“Two, because it’s unsanitary; now go and get those glasses, Mister,” I shook the bottle at him temptingly, hearing the liquid within splashing around. “Or you’re not getting any of this.”

Ares’s eyes narrowed and he crossed his arms. “Where are the glasses, Fuhrer Candy?”

I smiled and pointed him to where they were before looking down at the bottle. “I really hope this is a good, year,” I squinted at the bottle’s name. “The stallion at the store said that this was a good year…”

I heard Ares snort. “Its wine, Candy, it doesn’t matter how old it is.”

I looked up at him with a frown, stomping my hoof. “Yeah it does! That’s how wine works, you have to age it a for certain time before you can drink it.”

He snatched the bottle out of my magic and poured me a glass. “Booze is booze,” he frowned. “Wait, you said that you bought this?” he looked around. “Doesn’t this place have a bottle or two of something lying around?”

I took a little sample of the wine, grimacing at the flavor. “Aunty Celestia doesn’t really like alcohol, and alicorns really have a hard time feeling its effects, so it’s not really in stock,” I walked over and nudged him. “And even if they did, I wanted to buy you this, not just go down to some wine cellar.”

He smiled, patting me on the head before pouring himself a glass. Lifting it up, he said, “How about a toast, Candy?”

I grinned, rising my glass close to his. “To Ares; a silly monkey man that I’m happy to have as a friend.”

He winked at me, tapping our glasses. “To Princess Mi Amore Cadenza; a great little pony that needs to stop being so pink because the color makes her look fat,” He laughed when I slugged him.

“You jerk I—”

He raised a finger, silencing me before he continued. “She’s a great person, a great mare, and one of the best friends a guy can ask for,” his smile lessened a little bit before he took a drink of his glass.

“May she always find happiness, may the sun always shine on her and never burn her, and may all of her dreams come true.”

He took a bigger gulp while I blushed, looking away from him while I took a bigger sip. I wish this stuff really worked on me, I thought while the human made a face. Then I’d stop blushing like a little filly…

“Is this blackberry?” Ares asked while he looked down at his glass. I nodded, refilling mine.

“Yeah; I thought at first to get the normal wine but I decided to try something new,” I made a little face as I took another taste. “I really don’t drink, so I thought this would be a little bit better than what I’ve had a few times, but I guess I was wrong.”

Ares waved a hand dismissively. “It’s fine, Candy; even if it tastes bad now the great thing about booze is that it gets better the more of it you drink.”

I giggled, finishing my second glass. “Too bad that I’m pretty sure that I can’t get drunk.”

I didn’t like my friend’s evil grin. “Now that, my dear Candy, sounds like a challenge.

Hours later…

“A-and schen thish said, cookishies!” an adorably drunk Cadence said before tripping over her hooves and falling with a thud onto the cobblestone street. While this would usually hurt the pink pony, a sloshed Cadence—given that special ‘not able to feel anything’ ability—just started to drunkenly laugh while Ares, who was also more than a little buzzed, looked down at her.

And she said that she couldn’t get drunk, he thought in amusement, trying his best to make his way over to help get her back up without falling over himself. “Come on, Cadence,” he said, surprisingly clearly. “Let’s get you back up; up, up, up!”

Not that it wasn’t as hard as hell to get her even the slightest bit drunk, though it was a lot easier when Ares had found a place in town that served whiskey by the barrel. After that it was just a marathon-like drinking game, Ares taking a drink whenever she finished six.

What he thought was just going to take an hour or two took about eight hours, the two spending that time trying to sneak alcohol into every public place they could think of or see. The movie theater was easy, as was the library, but the museum kicked them out when they saw that he and the princess had over ten bottles of beer and vodka hidden—not well—on their person’s.

If he was being honest with himself, Ares already knew that the next morning was going to be pretty rough, probably filled with headaches, a really bad stomach, and just all around pain, but, when he saw that his friend was running around, having a good time with that big, beautiful smile on her face, he knew it was worth it.

With his help Cadence was able to get back on shaky hooves, her face red and her eyes dulled. “Thanksh,” she muttered, trying to take a step forward and once again falling onto the cobblestone street.

The alicorn looked over her shoulder at him and giggled. “Ouchsih,” she slurred. “I thinish you need to carry meish, Ares.”

I can’t understand a word you’re saying, Ares thought as he leaned down to pick the pony up like a child. “I’m going to carry you the rest of the way, alright?” he said, looking her up and down to see if she had hurt herself at all.

She giggled, nuzzling her head under his chin. “Okaish,” she muttered, wiggling around in his grasp, trying to get comfortable. “Mush little dogishy!”

…Still, can’t understand what you’re saying…

“Alright, Cadence,” he said, trying not to stumble around as his drunken mind struggled to remember which way the castle was. “Remember to tell me if you gotta throw up, kay?”

The alicorn just nodded, almost stabbing him with her horn, before she closed her eyes. “I’ll tellish you.”

“And if I’m going too fast for you, just tell me to slow down, right?”

“Alright.”

“Do you want me to get you some water? Its—”

Giggling drunkenly, Cadence leaned up and pecked him on the cheek. “Okayish, Ares,” she said, her face redder—from alcohol or embarrassment, Ares couldn’t tell—as she looked up at him. “Youish don’t need to beish so nice.”

If Ares didn’t know that dropping the pink alicorn probably would’ve hurt her, Cadence would have become very good friends with the ground as he struggled to keep walking, his mind blank.

She’s drunk, she’s drunk, she’s drunk, he thought looking down at her, red-faced, while he struggled not to touch the place where she kissed him. Remember that she’s married, remember that she’s married!

Despite himself, he couldn’t help but let his gaze wander the alicorn’s body, that lithe, pink body, those beautiful, huge wings, that—

STOP IT! He thought before gritting his teeth, wrenching his gaze from his friend to the street ahead.

“Aresish?”

Ares almost stopped when he heard Cadence’s worried, almost painfully so, tone. Looking down he saw her looking up at him tearfully, her lower lip quivering.

Swallowing the lump in his throat when those big, sad purple eyes looked back into his, he said, “Yeah, Candy?”

The drunk pony looked unsure for a moment, and it was obvious that the little hamster in her head was running as fast as its little legs could carry it. After thinking whatever she was thinking for a few moments, she muttered, “Are weish friends?”

Huh, she’s starting to sound better, he thought, relief flooding his body. It must be that weird super alicorn metabolism of hers…

Giving the mare a little smile, he nodded. “Of course you’re my friend, Cadence,” he scratched her belly, getting a few kicks from the mare. “Friends help friends get trashed all the time after all.”

For some reason that didn’t get the smile that he wanted out of her, Cadence looking away from him for a second.

“Really good friends, right?”

The human nodded, his drunk mind not really noticing the really hopeful look that she was giving him. “Bestest, of best friends,” he answered, looking up to see that they were just about to get to the castle. “Why?”

She gulped before taking a shaky breath. “Ares, I need to tell you—”

Ares cocked his head down at her as she just stopped, her eyes widening. “A-Ares?”

“…Yes, Candy?”

Even in his drunken state, he could see the little princess starting to get a little green around the gills. “I think I’m going to throw up…”

@~~~@

A word of advice if you’re a mare and you decide to get drunk, really, really drunk; make sure that you have somepony that’ll hold your mane when your body decides that it doesn’t like all of the bad things that you forced inside it; because WILL decide to force it all back out.

“BRRRRAAHAHHAAH!”

“Just let it out, Candy, just let it out,” my drunk friend said as I emptied my stomach into my toilet, miserable as all heck.

J-Just let it be o-over, I thought, spitting into the dirty water before flushing. “…I’m okay….I’m okay,” I muttered, placing my head on the lid of the toilet as Ares’s started to rub my back.

“Did you get it all out?” Ares asked, almost keeping the slur out of his voice.

I nodded, feeling a heck of a lot better, though the world looked like it was spinning. “Yeah, the alcohol is almost out of my system,” I rasped, spitting again. “But it’s going to a little longer to get this bucking taste out of my mouth.

I looked up at him, seeing the human nodding slowly, his face red. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up,” He struggled to take his shirt off. “I’ll help you with a shower… You can brush your teeth, right?”

I frowned, trying to get to my hooves and falling over for my trouble. “…No,” I finally admitted while Ares sat roughly on his rump so he could take off his shoes. “I think I’ll need a little help,” I looked down, blushing. “…With this and the shower…”

Ares just smiled at me, his eyes slightly glazed. “Okie Dokie, Candy…. Just give me a second…”

I watched as he stripped down, my mind slowly realizing that a naked Ares was suddenly standing before me, turning on the shower.

I blinked before blushing lightly while I ruffled my feathers. He’s just trying to help you out, I thought as he gently placed me into the shower and hopped in himself. You control yourself.

“Thanks, Ares,” I muttered while the man fiddled around with my soaps while trying not to fall over.

He smiled hugely at me. “No, thank you, Candy,” he lurched dangerously and had to lead on the wall. With a simple, but dangerously shaky, spell, I helped lower him to the ground, the water pouring into his lap.

He leaned over and patted me on the cheek. “I had a reallllly great time today,” he looked thoughtfully for a second before giggling. “I got to watch my best friend drink enough booze to kill three men, and we got kicked out of a lot of places, so thanks.”

I smiled, giving my head a little shake. Poor Ares, I thought. You’re really going to feel this in the morning… I grinned a little, shakily walking over to him and giving his cheek a nuzzle. In fact, I think I’m going to feel this in the morning… alcohol’s really staying in my system… Did I really drink that much?

“You’re welcome, Ares,” I said before spinning around and plopping into his lap; something that seemed perfectly reasonable to my tipsy self.

He just giggled again and slowly started to wash me while I leaned back and let him do it, all the while opening my mouth and letting the shower head’s water flow into it. Every few seconds I’d spit it back out to help get that acidy taste out of it.

@~~~@

I’m reallllly drunk, Ares thought as he gently scrubbed his friend’s back while she wiggled herself against his chest. I thought before that I was okay but I don’t think I am anymore…

Sighing, he closed his eyes, listening to the pattering of the water, the sound of his and Cadence’s breathing, and another tiny, tiny sound that he had to strain to hear and couldn’t immediately identify.

With another goofy smile, he realized what it was. Heh, it’s my heart, he thought, beginning to rub his friend’s stomach. A small, sober part of him—the little angel-- was horrified that he was naked and in the shower with Cadence, but the drunken part of him—that little demon-- was happy for the comfort.

“Alright, Candy,” he said over the water, patting her back. “You’re all clean!”

Cadence looked over her shoulder, almost falling over in the process, a small pout on her face before she nodded. “Alright,” she said, sounding a hell of a lot more sober than she had when Ares had rushed her back into their room.

Expecting her to get out of his lap, Ares leaned slightly back, intent on giving her that little helpful nudge up.

Instead of that those, Cadence swung around, her muzzle practically touching his face, as she snatched the rag out of his hands.

“C-Cadence?”

The alicorn giggled, giving him a little nuzzle. “It’s only fair that I clean you, isn’t it?” A little uncomfortable now, Ares nodded slowly, looking away from the mare as she slowly started to scrub his chest.

Now, in his mind, he wasn’t bathing with his friend, he was bathing with Princess Cadence, the mare that he loved, and it took more than a bit of effort to keep himself from doing anything that he might regret.

This wasn’t helped by the alicorn herself, who was humming quietly while she scrubbed, sticking her tongue out in concentration as she wiggled around in his lap.

“Lift your arms, please.”

Just keep looking straight, the human thought, complying while he used a hand to steady Cadence, who almost, once again, stabbed him with her horn. And, Dick, seriously, you need to be cool right now; no popping up to say hello.

He couldn’t help but flinch when Cadence wrapped him in a hug so she could get at his back, the feeling of her wet, silky coat, the warmth of her body, and the way she nuzzled his neck as he scrubbed almost made him lose control.

Cadence giggled when he gave her a little peck on the neck, closer to tears than he had been in months. This has to stop, he thought miserably, sniffling quietly. I have to tell he—

“There we are!” Ares blinked when Cadence hopped-- barely wobbly at all now-- off his lap, using a spell to help him to his feet. “All squeaky clean!”

He gave her a huge, fake smile before patting her on the head.

“…Alright, let’s just get dried up first, huh?”

She smiled brightly, giving him a playful nudge before hopping out of the shower…

...And falling right on her face.

Ares couldn’t help but snort. “Still drunk?”

“…Still drunk…”

Author's Notes:

Sooooo....

I twirl my little skirt around, giving you ladies and gentlemen a show; you get me to your room and almost get my top off when the lights shut off....

So while your angry erections are wobbling because I didn't put in the implied sex scene this Ch--its coming in the next one(along with the epilogue)--why don't you take a look at the other thing that I sent out today, 'Poppin' Molly' if you want your allotted horse/human sexy times. Since I'll be leaving as soon as I send this out to get my work on, I don't know when its going to get through the mods, but you'll see it eventually....

Oh, and do me a favor and just pretend that Clover is a guy, mkay?

Troololololololololololol, and I'm sorry I didn't feel like just putting it in this Ch, LBP