Every now and again life likes to remind you that it is a cruel, heartless bitch. It'll just randomly turn around and say 'You were having a good time? Better fix that' and then suckerpunch you where the sun don't shine. Take right now, for example. I'm sitting in a slightly damp, ice cold, metal cage that's just barely large enough for me. In turn, the cage is surrounded by more cages, aligned in a series of rows in a large, darkened room. In the cage across from me was the friend I had made at the beach, not-so-subtly shying away from me.

Sighing, I turned to try and find a more comfortable position, comfortable being a relative term, what with the tiny space and my throbbing shoulder. The salve Fluttershy had put on it had stopped working a while ago. I was unsure of how long I had been in the room, the sounds of humans rattling cages or snorting having formed a background orchestra of clashing steel and gnashing teeth. Finally, I heard the door to the room open, the lights flickering on shortly after that.

"We just got two new ones today, and I think you might be interested in them." I heard the voice of my favorite guard say.

"Really now? You think they are aggressive enough?" Came an deep, unfamiliar voice, his somber tones filled with thinly veiled cynicism.

"Well, we took them in under charges of fighting. I think that counts," replied the guard, the hoofsteps stopping as he did.

"Good." The unfamiliar stallion practically purred. "And you will be able to hold them for three weeks?"

"It takes about that long to fully set up a euthanization trial, and I can make sure that both of them are brought up guilty." The guard said.

"And this will be enough?" I heard a thump sprinkled with clinks, giving me the impression of a large bag of coins.

"Is that how much I think it is?" I heard the guard say in an awed voice.

"Half. This is half of the agreed payment so you don't lose interest. The rest will be delivered to you when you have held up your end, which will include no less than twenty humans." As I listened to their conversation, it dawned on me what was happening. This unknown stallion was bribing the guard into giving him humans that would normally have been put down. But why? What's the point? I thought to myself.

"Of course, The humans will be yours. I just need to acquire a couple more." The guard said.

"How many more." The unknown stallion replied, steel in his voice.

"Only three, alright? I should be able to arrange some incidents."

"Very well then. Now let's see these new humans."

"This way."

I heard the hoofsteps resume, and I peered through the bars towards the bend in the corridor. Sure enough, the guard walked into view, one of the few lights shining off of his white coat. Then a red hoof came into view, shortly followed by a large unicorn stallion with a black mane. On his ass was a picture of three swirling fireballs, and his eyes were a piercing icy blue. Both ponies continued to walk, stopping in front of my cage.

"Hmm..." The blood-red unicorn said thoughtfully. "This one will do nicely. He might even survive for long enough to win approval. He almost reminds me of... No. Nevermind."

"This one nearly killed the one in this cage here." The guard said, pointing to the guy across from me with a wing. The unicorn turned around slowly, eyeing the other human.

"Yes. I can see why. This one is weak, barely worth the bits I'm paying. It will be some nice fodder, though. The crowd always loves when one is ripped apart. And you will be able to ensure that you get all of the humans I'm requesting?"

"Yes. I told you already, I can set up some false charges for a few more humans, and guarantee they are convicted. Who do you think tests their aggressiveness?"

"Good. I will meet you when you have gathered the last of the humans. Just don't get caught. It would severely displease me if I had to recapture all these humans myself, and I, for one, can think of only few ways to ease my displeasure. I doubt you would appreciate any of them."

"I won't. I'm good at this. I've been smart. Ever since these beasts..." The guard trailed off for a moment. "Nevermind."

"Don't get too personally involved here. I need you to keep a level head." The unicorn said, getting a nod in reply. "Now, perhaps we can move to your office. I have a specific human that I'd like you to acquire, and it will certainly get you a bonus."

"Of course. This way." And with that, both stallions left, their hoofsteps once more echoing throughout the room, adding a percussive cadence to my thoughts.

What the fuck is going on here? They're obviously involved with something illegal, and I doubt it's anything as sweet as a PETA-style release of humans. I stopped for a moment then shook my head, Weird analogy, but I need a way out of this. I do NOT want to find out what they were planning. Almost as if the world understood my thoughts, the lights turned off, lending me a shroud of darkness with which to escape.

I spent the next few hours attempting to open the cage. Everything from using bits of food-like items to pick the lock to breaking the door off the cage. Sadly, the engineer that had made the cages must have taken pride in his work, and made them nigh-inescapable. I slumped (as much as I could in the confined space) and resigned myself to wait. Surely Dr. Song and Twilight would help me.

"Ma'am, please calm down. While we understand your concern, we can't let you in to visit your human." the mare behind the desk said to the distraught unicorn in front of her.

"But please! I have to see him! Don't you understand! He's special!"

"I'm sorry Ma'am, but the rules are clear. If you do not leave this facility I will have an officer escort you out."

"Just for a few moments! I swear! He's not aggressive, really! Just let me see him!"

"Officer Hoof, please escort this mare out of the building." The mare behind the counter gestured to a nearby stallion in armor, who walked over and gestured to the unicorn.

"This way ma'am." He said in a kindly voice.

"NO! I'm going in to see him and you can't stop me!" The unicorn attempted to push past the officer and go throug ha set of double doors with the words 'Human Wing' over them, but was stopped by Officer Hoof.

"Ma'am, if you don't cooperate, I will be forced to detain you."

"NO! NOOO!!!!!" When the unicorn refused to give in, Officer Hoof began to drag her out of the reception room and down a hallway towards the jail itself. His path happened to bring him past Twilight and Dr. Song, who both gave curious glances to the screaming mare.

"That's odd." Twilight said, before dismissing the mare with a shake of her head. "Anyway, what were you saying Dr. Song?"

"I was just asking how we were going to see Richard. It's kind of against the rules here."

Twilight shot her a bemused smile and ruffled her wings. "In case you forgot, I happen to be a Princess, and as much as it bugs me, my status does have its perks."

The pair opened the doors to the human wing's reception and walked up to the desk.

"May I help you?" The mare said without looking up from the magazine she was reading.

"Yes. My human was recently taken in to custody and I'd like to visit him." Dr. Song said.

"Too bad. No human visits." The mare said.

"Surely you can make an exception." Twilight said.

The mare muttered something under her breath before turning to look at them. "Look, as I told the last mare, no...." The words died in her throat as she saw Twilight, before respectfully bowing her head. "Ahem. Excuse me, Princess. This is highly unorthodox. The rules specifically state-"

"I know the rules, guardspony." Twilight said in an unusual tone, " and, as such, I demand that you allow myself and my companion here to enter without delay. Uh... That is, you know... If you can just do so... please..." Her voice got quieter as she continued, ending with a barely audible 'meep.

The mare looked like she was going to argue, before she sighed. "Of course, your majesty, go on through."

With her head held high, Twilight walked through, followed by a surprised Dr. Song. The moment the doors closed behind them, Dr. Song jumped in excitement and turned to Twilight.

"Wow, Prince- er, Twilight, thank you for-" but she stopped her praise as she saw Twilight with her head down.

"I'm a bad pony, aren't I?" Twilgiht asked, her ears splayed.

"No? What makes you say that?"

"Well, I used my position to break the rules, and I know Princess Celestia told me I should practice being more Princess-like, but I felt like I was being mean, and now that guardspony probably hates me and I'm going to become cold and ruthless and everypony will hate me, and-"

Twilight's mini-tirade was stopped by Dr. Song. "Hey now, that's not right. Just because you are using your Princess Rights does not mean you are a bad pony. I'm fairly certain that that guardspony respects you now anyway. Not fears you. Besides, we can see Richard now, right?"

There was a moment of silence, followed by Twilight taking a deep breath. "You're right. I just... I don't like flaunting my position."

"I only saw you using your position the way it should be, not flaunting it. Come on, let's find Richard's cage."

It took them only a few moments to reach Richard, since he had heard them and started attracting their attention with whistles and the rhythmic tapping of hoof-language.

"Hey there Richard." Dr. Song said with a smile. "How's it going?"

+Oh, you know. Sitting in a tiny-ass cage with an aching shoulder, freezing my balls off, and wishing I had more food. The usual+ He replied, sarcasm oozing out of his every pore.

"Don't worry, we'll get you out of here soon enough." Dr. Song reassured him.

+Soon enough better mean before night hits.+

"Ah ha ha... that's the thing..." Twilight said nervously.

+What's wrong+ Richard deadpanned back.

"You know how you assaulted Prince Blueblood?" Twilight said.

+Yes...+ Richard replied.

"Weeeellll, apparently the only reason you weren't 'put down' was because Princess Celestia changed the punishment to you needing to be trained by Dr. Song..." Twilight said, twirling her hoof.

+I know all this, get to the point+

"You see, one of the stipulations of you remaining in her custody was that you were to not get in any more legal trouble, on pain of.... well... of death." Dr. Song gasped while Richard just stopped.

+What+

"Yeah... Umm, so unless you have some way of clearing your name without resorting to escaping, then we will have to reveal your existence as intelligent to Princess Celestia... and by extension, reveal Max's status."

"Can't you pardon him?" Dr. Song

"Umm... no... not really, since Princess Celestia was the one that ruled you would be put down for further discrepancies..."

+Not that I wouldn't mind the truth being revealed, I do have a solution for you. One of the guards was talking with a pony, a pony who handed him what I believe to be a hefty bag of bits.+

"Are you talking about bribes?" Twilight asked, incredulously. All her life the Guard had been the epitome of social and moral justice.

+From what I heard, this has been going on for quite a while. The guardspony said something about rigging the trials so that the humans were found guilty. I don't know his name, but he's the one who took me and my friend there into custody.+

"I think that was Sargent Palisade. He was one of the first responders when Sweetie Belle got attacked."

+Just figure it out, alright? I don't want to be in here much longer. Oh, and if you can, get somepony other than him to test my 'aggresiveness'+

"Alright. We'll have you out within a few hours if all goes well." Twilight said as she started walking away.

"Richard?" Dr. Song asked.

+Yes?+

"Here. This should help a bit." Her horn glowed briefly as did Richard's shoulder, and he visibly relaxed.

+Thank you.+ He signed, a touch of a smile gracing his face.

"It's only a pain reliever, but it should last for at least four hours."

+Should I consult a doctor if it lasts longer than four hours?+

Dr. Song gave him a weird look. "No? Honestly, if it does that's a good thing."

+Nevermind. Just get me out of here, okay?+

"Alright."

Max was lounging about the library after having the girls leave to go check on Richard. He was reading a book about how ponies and humans had evolved. Apparently, humans used to be predators back in the Pony Neanderthal age, and had developed eyesight to lock onto their prey without losing it. The book compared this to ponies, who had developed exceptionally large eyes to give them maximum peripheral vision to protect from predators like the humans.

Max closed his right eye and stared at the page, before closing his left eye and using his right. He snorted. I wonder what it'd have been like back then, especially if they lost an eye or something. He thought, opening both eyes and continuing his reading. For him it was actually interesting to see how the history books, science books, and magic books all linked together. For instance, he had read somewhere how magic had guided evolution for a while, during a period where the 'gods' of the age decided to rest and admire their work. How a book claiming to represent science could spew BS like that, Max couldn't guess, but then again he was living with a purple talking unicorn that studied magic, so he didn't have much room to complain.

Before Max could deliberate further into the detailed delicacies of the diverting book, the door opened and Twilight entered, followed by Dr. Song. They were greeted with a sight of Max lying on the ground, looking innocent while a small pile of books lay strewn across the floor.

"Max! What did I tell you about leaving books everywhere? Ugh! This might make me have to reorganize everything!" Twilight said, irritation evident in her voice.

+Twilight, need I remind you of the state this place gets in when you need to 'study?'+ Max tapped out, a devious grin on his face.

"S-shut up." Twilight replied, an embarrassed blush spreading across her face.

+Anyway,+ Max tapped out while juggling the books back into their respective places. +How's Richard? He's obviously still stuck in jail.+

"It's not actually jail, its actually Ponyville's pound." Twilight said, adjusting the spines of a few books, "but we've got slightly bigger problems. Apparently a member of the guard was bribed to rig quite a few of the recent euthanization trials, including Richards."

+What?+ Max said, dropping the book he was holding, Antigravitiy Spells and their Applications. +You're telling me you've got a bad cop, literally?+

"Yes." Twilight said, her face grim as she replaced the book Max dropped to its slot. "I need to get some more evidence before I can get Richard out, but hopefully we will be able to back the guard into a corner and force his hoof into the open."

+How?+ Max asked.

"Well, step one will be for me to observe Richard's aggressiveness test. I will be able to provide first hoof evidence of either fraud or tampering with the report itself."

"And step two?" Dr. Song asked.

"I don't think either of you are going to like this..."

"Beginning test one of four. Food withdrawal." The corrupt asshole said, a frown evident on his face. We were in a small, cuboid room that had 'cliche interrogation room' written all over it. There was a metal table bolted to the floor, a mirror, no doubt two way , and one large door. I was currently chained to the floor, across the table from Sargent Palisade. Nearby, Twilight stood with a notebook and will in her magical grasp. Apparently she had been unable to change my aggression analyzer, but she was able to give an observer's POV on it. Sadly it would have to do.

The Sargent picked up a large shiny apple with a wing and, with seemingly practiced indifference, proceeded to shove it in my mouth as if he were trying to choke me. The way he did it, however, looked as if he was doing nothing wrong. I decided to just play it off for now and took a bite out of the apple, only for him to snatch it away before I had a chance.

"Subject seems.... adequately passive." He said with a barely detectable frown. "Beginning test two of four. Pony interaction with human." This time he walked right up to me, nudging me with his shoulder and- OWWWW! THAT WAS MY TOE YOU ASSHOLE! I cried out and tried to grab my foot, the throbbing pain in my pinkie driving me mad. I looked at him with rage-filled eyes as he jumped back. Oh if I get the chance I will end your miserable existence, you pathetic excuse for a chicken. I thought to myself, the, ineffectual, threat making me feel better somewhat.

"Subject seems to show aggressive tendencies towards ponies." He said, now smiling. I shot a look towards Twilight who gave a slight nod in my direction. I hope it means she caught his underhanded trick.

"Beginning test three of four. Reaction to magic." This time he nodded towards the mirror, which signaled a what I assumed was a unicorn to start moving some of the various equipment on the table- tweezers, Q-tips, the apple, etc. -around in the air. I looked on in boredom.

"Subject shows no interest in magic. Very well, beginning final test, four of four. Human interaction with Human." He nodded to the mirror again, prompting the door to open. Twilight and he both left, and in entered the guy from the beach, also in chains which were sealed to the floor once he had entered. For a moment, nothing happened, then he caught sight of me. Doing so prompted him to cower, as if expecting an attack.

Good, he remembered his lesson. I thought to myself, only to get interrupted by a shock to my left foot, like a taser. I yelped, picking up my foot, while the human screamed and huddled as far away from me as my chains would allow. For now, nothing happened, then I felt another shock. The only thing that could be causing it was the shackle, but that was on my ankle. What is going on? I thought to myself, sitting down to examine my foot. I was just in time to see a small spark appear on my heel, coming from a easy-to-miss... thing, that was attached to the shackle via a small wire.

Thankfully, I only had to withstand a few more shocks before the ponies returned and, after removing my 'friend,' took me back to my cage. This time a small contingent of unicorns made sure to keep me restrained in their magical field. As they stuffed me inside, Twilight flashed me a small smile, just enough to signal she had a plan. I only hoped it would work.

I hope it will work. Twilight thought to herself as Richard was put back into his cage. She smiled at him before turning to walk out of the building. As she did, she lit her horn and activated a small gem hidden in her mane. The gem had a very simple Entanglement Enchantment on it, enough so that if it was enveloped in a magical aura, it's twin would also show the aura around it. It was an old Royal Guard trick for long range communication. The problem was that the enchantment itself had to be recast after every third use, and it proved to expensive to produce for commercial use. It was lucky that Twilight had found the book at the royal library. It had been buried beneath a huge pile of other books. It was so irresponsible of that librarian to just leave books piled around like that. Thankfully Twilight had happened by and managed to reorganize it all. After, that is, reading each book to determine its contents of course.

Anyway, Twilight felt that her plan would work perfectly, and when she saw a squad of guards get dispatched heading towards her library, she allowed herself a small smile. And now, the waiting game.

+So mind telling me why getting us both in jail is a good idea?+ I asked Max, who was in the cage adjacent to mine.

+Just give Twilight some time. She'll pull through.+ Max said, before lightly tapping out what sounded like +I hope+

+You'd better be right+ I signed back. It had been a nerve racking day. First, Twilgiht had said she had a plan, then she tells me she can't change my tester, then she tells me I was labeled as 'to aggressive' for public interaction by the bastard, and finally Max gets dragged in and thrown into the cage next to me. At least it had given me something to do other than twiddle my thumbs or brood.

I hated to brood.

+Look, all we have to do is wait for the guard and the guy who bribed him to show. I'm certain he'll be here shortly.+ Max said. As if on cue, the doors burst open and hoofbeats were heard, marching towards our cages.

"What do you mean he couldn't make it?" Sargent Palisade said, anger in his voice. "I was able to get him the human he wanted, and you tell me he couldn't even show up? What about my payment?"

"Look." came an unfamiliar, masculine voice that remained cool in the face of Palisade's fire, "I came here to determine if what you said was true. If it is, then I will give you the price that was agreed upon. However, we have received word that certain... suspicions have been laid upon you. Therefore my employer has decided that it would be best if he did not meet you personally anymore. Especially unscheduled."

"Very well." Palisade said, drawing up in front of Max's cage. "Here is the human."

"Hmm... He does fit the description I was given." The unfamiliar voice replied, its source still veiled from my view. "Very well. Here is your payment."

A sack landed in front of Palisade, who eagerly grabbed at it.

"And here is your reward!" Twilight said, swooping down from the ceiling, followed by nearly a dozen solar guards from Princess Celestia's personal reserve. In short order Palisade and the mysterious stallion- a grey-coated, steely maned character with a scar running down his muzzle and across his mouth -were arrested and removed from the scene. After the prisoners and their captors left, Twilight slumped to the ground.

"Phew. We got 'em guys." Twilight said to me and Max, turning a half-smile towards us. "Why do the bad guys always meet just before midnight?"

+I do believe it has something to do with 90% of the population being asleep or near thereof, and the cover of darkness helps to.+ I replied, ever the helpful human.

+Or perhaps its that most everyone has some level of fear of the dark.+ Max added.

"Yeah, I know. Doesn't make it any easier to miss sleep." Twilight replied.

+Are you finally realizing that, Mrs. 'Stays up all night to read'?+ Max asked.

"Oh be quiet." Twilight said, getting up and starting to leave. I cleared my throat, or, rather, made a noise with my throat, I couldn't quite clear it with the whole 'can;t speak' thing.

+Aren't you forgetting something?+ I asked.

"Oh, right." Her horn lit up, and the cages opened. "You are both free to go. Apparently Sargent Palisade had 'fudged' your aggression test. Something about inciting the human to attack or something. It's all very strange, I wouldn't believe him capable of that."

I looked at Max as he looked at me. In unison, we nodded and turned towards Twilight.

+We'll make a smartass out of you yet.+ Max said.

"But I'm not a donkey." Twilight replied in an innocently confused voice. In fact, it was almost too confused.

Either way, we said our goodbyes and went to our respective houses. As I stumbled into my room, I couldn't help but feel old. Even if it had only been two nights, my back was cramped up from that cage. As I lay there, however, I could only think about what had transpired in the pound. "I have a specific human that I'd like you to acquire." "He does fit the description I was given." "specific human... ...aquire." "He does fit the description." "human" "description." What could this all mean?