Sub-Title: Of Insanity, Dreams, And Book Problems

As we seperated going to to the desks of the filly, or in Merthyr's case colt, I looked down to make sure my bundle still concealed my sword hilt which luckily it did.

“Now to begin our show and tell we will be going in alphabetical order.” Began Cherliee. “So Applebloom you’ll be going first.” As she said that me and Applebloom quickly walked up front exchanging a knowing smirk with Merthyr as we reached the front of the class and turned to face them. Most seemed bored expecting something on the pony biology most likely well time to have some fun.

“Hello today class my name is Red Crossed Hearts and today I’ll be talking with you about the vital organs of the pony.” I said in a monotone voice that was expected from most doctors. Needless to say I got the reaction I was hoping for. Almost all of them dropped to their desks and began to try to sleep. At this I quickly dropped my bag causing it to open showing my armour and my sword which I quickly unstrapped. “And the reason why is because I am the new medic for princess Celestia’s personal guard. The Celestials.” At this point I had half my armour on with Applebloom’s help and Zapada was on my back in its proper position. And suddenly a burst of laughter quickly followed by a second outburst was heard from the front of the class or to be specific Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. I smiled evilly waiting for a chance for revenge to show itself.

“Ha! Like we would believe somepony like you could ever join the Celestials.” Said Diamond Tiara in a arrogant tone that made me want to smash my head against the wall till I couldn’t think anymore and then cut off my ears. “You couldn’t even beat a foal in a fight.”

“Wanna put that to the test” I asked grinning evilly. “I see about 6 ponies around you who’d I’d guess are about equal to one newborn foal. And all of them seem to be pretty lazy as well. Probably didn’t even cost more than my cup of morning coffee I bet. Guess it must be so sad to have such cheap bodyguards.” That was the final straw for them I called them cheap and they were pissed. It also didn't hurt that I had insulted the guards themselves and that none of them believed me when I had said I was guard and thought I was bluffing.

‘Okay  before this escalates to a full scale battle could we move this outside and maybe lay a few ground rules?” Interrupted Merthyr who was grinning like a madman at what was happening. At this the bodyguards all look at each other and nodded in agreement as they began to walk to the door and outside. “Hey Red c’mon before I disqualify you for staying behind!” Shouted Merthyr as he jumped through the broken window completely ignoring the open door not 5ft away. I quickly followed him through the window and was followed by Applebloom, Twilight, Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon, and Scootaloo though Cherliee quickly stood in front of the broken window making the rest of the class stay inside. Apparently forgetting the door was still open and crowded against the windows trying to get a view.

“Okay since I’m the only pony here who doesn’t want to start beating somepony senseless I’m gonna set up the guidelines. First off no one is allowed any weapons. Armour is allowed but I’m gonna have to take your sword for now Red.” Started Merthyr as me and the six stallions stood facing each other with Merthyr in between us while Twi grabbed Silver, Scootaloo, Applebloom and Diamond Tiara and took them to the bottom of a nearby tree to watch. I handed my sword over to Merthyr as some of the body guards handed him some small knives. “Okay secondly. Anypony who causes harm to any bystanders accidentally or not I will immediately step in and they will be getting attacked by me and I will not be afraid of using lethal force and any weapons on me you got that? Any civi gets hurt and you’ll be facing possible death simple as that. And finally any use of lethal force will be treated in the same fashion as hitting a bystander only Twilight will be using her magic as well. Now those are the guidelines and when I say so you may begin.” With that Merthyr took our blades and went over to where Twilight was sitting, whispered something to her, and she teleported his two two short blades he usually had with him whenever he wasn’t off duty. He quickly strapped them so they ran lengthwise across his sids with the hilts pointing up just above his head. After that he walked to where the broken window was at the school and sat there watching us for a second.

"On my mark." He began as the unicorn guards charged their horns and the pegasi lew directly above them with the earth pony guards in front in the common defensive arrangement when not guarding somepony. "Get set...GO!" And with that I jumped up as hard as possible. I barely dodged a sudden fireball but ended up heading straight into a lightning bolt that clipped my left wing tensing the muscles tightening the wing sending me off course and towards the woods. I immediately started to channel magic into the wing relaxing the muscles just in time to avoid hitting the ground and barely dodging another firebolt. As I turned wondering what Merthyr was doing letting them use these spells I saw that the two earth ponies were currently fighting him along with one of the pegasus. He was up next to a tree for some reason. He currently had both swords out and was somehow fending off both earth ponies while the pegasus got ready for another attack dripping blood from a cut somewhere near his wing base. Each was holding a sword one of the unicorns must have summoned for them. They were using wolf pack tactics on him but he wasn’t trying to move away as though he was holding a position for some unknown reason. But before I could ponder this the other pegasus swooped down on me causing me to have to ignore Merthyr and focus on my surroundings. I immediately forced myself to jump up barely dodging the pegasus but exposing me to a frost spell which I was luckily able to negate using my healing magic. I don't know what was happening but whatever Merthyr was doing had to have some strategic matter. He had served long enough to have known how win a fight while outnumbered. So whatever half assed insane plan he had cooked up had to be pretty good to be risking his neck so much. That or he had snapped and gone into one of his moods and wasn't currently thinking straight. Please be the first option.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Red -> Merthyr~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Get set...GO!" I screamed at the top of my lungs sitting in front of the school house ready to see what happened not really thinking I'd be needed to enter the fray. Then the shit hit the fan and the situation got F.U.B.A.Rd to the moon and back as a pegasus suddenly shot towards me weaponless and screaming at the top of his lungs. So as a pegasus about half a head taller then me packed with muscle mass and having no care for his own well being shot towards me going at around oh 28 maybe 29 knots still have trouble judging that correctly. I did the one thing you’re supposed to do, pulled out my swords looking badass as possible and just as he was about to hit me I fell. That’s right I simply relaxed my legs and fell on my arse while pointing one sword upwards and the other to the side. As he flew past me I felt the satisfying feel of a jerk as my blade scraped across his side his own momentum brought my sword through his flesh, causing some blood to splash across my back, I then stood up after I  no longer felt my blade slicing through flesh and saw he had hit the school and that my blade hit right below his wing. He was barely staying conscious so I took a sec to see what was happening and that’s when I snapped. For over at the tree where Twi had taken the fillies, and where the two earth ponies were running towards full tilt holding swords, the two fillies the guards were in charge of had knocked Twi out cold. Least to say somepony was gonna be pissing in a fiery lake guarded by Cerberus by the time I was done. As I galloped across the field that was the battlefield I screamed out something that I still can’ believe worked.

“Look!” I screamed wondering if this would even work, and praying that Red wouldn't hear it if it did.”It’s Fluttershy and she’ pissed!” Luckily for me he fear that this installed in anypony who would ever hear that phrase was stronger than the will of the guards., and my voice didn’t reach Red so that was good to. As the guards looked to where I had pointed was able to reach the tree Twilight and the fillies were at. As I came upon them my jaw nearly dropped for on ground Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were knocked out and in between them was Scootaloo who was checking on Twilight while Applebloom and Sweetie Belle looked in shock. As I stood there it dawned upon me what happened.

[My daughter just knocked out to fillis who attacked my mare friend and is now trying to help my mare friend wake up like it was  common occurrence.] This was extremely weird to say the least and if it weren't for the fact that the two earth ponies and a pegasus were heading my way looking very pissed  off I’d probably had stood and hugged my awesome daughter like she had just raise the damn sun. But instead I grabbed Twilight by her saddlebags with my mouth and Scootaloo with my hoof and dragged them to the tree were Applebloom and Sweetie Belle were . Quickly shouting out to climb in the tree for cover as I placed Twilight in a hollow of sorts at the trunks base and faced my attackers While trying to  keep relatively calm. Thi was gonna be a bloodbath and I wasn’t gonna get out unscaved but I was gonna make sure that at least some of these guards weren't gonna be walking out of this at all. The first guard to reach me was the pegasus who I had sliced earlier and was quickly followed by his two earth pony companions. I immediately bought up my left sword to deflect the pegasuses sword and took a jab with my right while standing up on my back hooves and bracing my back against the tree covering Twilights little alcove of sorts with my body while trying to keep both blades in play. My sudden unexpected jab made him quickly h back with a flap of his wings temporarily blocking his allies as I quickly brought my blades back into position. Making your own fighting style means you gotta be creative and usually this helps when fighting ponies who’ve ever heard of what you're doing before. Sadly these ponies seem to have heard of my unusual fighting style incorporating the use of two blades at once and were coming back at me with less ignorance and impatience than before.

“Well fuck me sideways with a cactus and smash my brains out with a book.” I said much to the confusion of my attackers and giving me enough time to lash out and separate their formation. Butow I was getting charged at randomly by three stallions with swords and one was in th air and was guarding a knocked out pony so baiy  was most likely fucked. Unless of course ed came over and helped me but then I’d have two unicorns and a pegasus to deal with as well so this was all fucked to hell. As I continued to fed off my attacke only one thought raced through my mind.

[FUCK YOU RED!!!]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Merthyr-->Red~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“FUCK MY LIFE!” I screamed as I Once again barely dodged a fireball the size o a damn house. “How much power do these guards have! They’ve gotta be on steroids or something Like damn! What fuck is going on!” I continued to scream as I once again dodged sweep from that damn pegasuses sword again stopping me from using my swords frost ability to attack and instead block his sword. For sell swords they were pretty damn good. As I was about to try yet again to attack the unicorns  a sound was heard from the sidelines and as I looked my jaw dropped and  my eyes bulged at what I saw.

“Eeyup...We’re fucked.” I said as the guards looked as well and be the way their faces changed at the sight I could tell they couldn’t agree more with my sentiments.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Red-->Merthyr~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As all three of the guards rushed me I did the only thing I could. I screamed like a insane person the most weirdest thing I could think of at the moment and hoped they would be confused. AllI can say is mindfuck achieved as I screamed out. “FLUTTERSHY IS IN LOVE WITH RED AND WANTS TO MARRY HIM AND BEAR HIS CHILDREN!” Needless to say that worked too well as they all immediately stopped and looked to the sidelines and as their faces morphed I knew something had happened nd I had a pretty good idea what.

“...She’s standing over there isn’t she?” I asked refusing to look at what I already knew was true. As they all shook their heads yes I could say only one thing. “When I don’t come back remember that I blame all of you for my imminent death.” And t tat Iwa off running faster than Rainbow Dash at the young fliers competition praying for something to save me which turned out to be Red as he swooped down and carried me away...Right To Fluttershy.

“You Bastard!”  screamed at Red ash sloy brought me towards the yellow mare. “I’ll forgive you for telling Twi bout my porn collection if you save me!” I screamed pulling my most desperate of cards in the hes of not being put down luckily for me he immediately leveled out and started to fly me back to town only lowering down for a second to grab Applebloom from atop the tree leaving behind Scootaloo to look after Twilight after she woke up. As we flew away the 6 guards all looked at us and saluted me deciding that letting Fluttershy get me was a revenge that no pony deserved. And I couldn’t agree more with them as we flew off into town. But as we flew away and, to the mind of one yellow pegasus mare, distracted the still conscious ponies. One little filly with coat of white and a mane of white and purple didn't happen to watch as this yellow mare whipped away a tear from her face a look of pain and sorrow on her face as she watched the ponies fly away, or to be more specific one white coated and red manned pegasus, before turning and flying low to the ground back to her small, empty, lonely, cottage on the edge of the Everfree forest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Merthyr-->Red~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You sure you’re go dude?” I aske Merthyr as we landed upon the library balcony. “Fluttershy will kill you and I don't wanna find out that I’m Scootaloo’s new legal guardian tomorrow morning.”

“Don’t worry Red I specifically requested this place as a temporary house for good reason.” Merthyr replied. “I came here so much that I’ve made few changes during the visits. Being paranoid is pretty helpful, especially when your mom’s the mayor of Ponyville and loves you to death. I've built in secret tunnels reaching from here to Sweet Apple Acres and beyond. The damn things took forever to dig but they're worth it." At this I was too shocked to speak. Sure Merthyr is paranoid but damn! I didn't think he was that paranoid. He laughed at my shocked expression just before Applebloom yelled at me from my back that we should be heading home now. As I jumped into the air only one thought came to my head.

[Merthyr you're as crazy as Pinkie Pie but only you somehow keep under wraps and I don't know if that's better or worse.] And I bet if he was there he'd be agreeing with me completely. Cause he was fucking insane and basked in every moment of it. Next Chapter: Love’s A Fickle Thing, And It can Come From Anywhere, So Never Look Down Upon Its Eccentric Nature. [part 3] Estimated time remaining: 26 Minutes