*BWAP* "Jesus Christ!" I fell out of bed onto the floor, my sheet falling over me, "What tha fuckin hell!?"

"Aha haha!"

I pulled the sheet off me, Kim was leaning over holding her gut, "KIM, What tha fuck!?"

"Oh geez, your bloody face!" She started laughing again while I stood up.

"Kim what the hell was that!?"

*BWAP* I flinched and almost tripped on the sheet, "-Aha....it's just an air horn, calm yourself."

"Fuck!" I kicked the sheet away, "God dammit Kim, I thought you'r done with that shit back in fucking Kent!....Christ!" She busted out laughing again, "It's not funny Kim! Ya scared the shit outta me!"

"...Ya might want to check yourself...your nobs out," I looked down and sure enough I had managed to stick out one of the legs of my boxers

"Jesus...why'r ya still in here!? GET OUT!" I quickly tucked myself away and pushed her out.

"Oi you're the one who asked me to wake ya up! Don't you have stuff to do today!"

"Oh shit...the bloody assignments," I quickly got dressed and hurried out into the entry, "Next time just tap me on the shoulder or somthin, the horn was fuckin unnecessary." I grabbed an umbrella and headed out, needed to get to the guard barracks quick.

"There you are, they're about to start!" One of the other trainees was at the door, "Come on," He held the door and I hurried in, the entire population of the room watched us walk in.

A blue haired stallion broke the silence, "Gentlemen...take a seat," We looked around awkwardly and took a pair of seat in the back, "Now that everyone is here...you have all passed basic training, next will be the decision on which branch to join: The Royal guard, or the night guard, each and every one of you will spend two days shadowing members of each guard. Listings will be posted once we're done here, any questions?" A few anxious moments passed, "Good, listings are as followed: Marcus Arac - Night guard, Jason Mars - Night guard...." The list went on, "Hannah Ulgric - Royal guard, Tomas Eldridge - Night guard,"

"Oh god dammit," I moaned slamming the table in front of me.

"...Mr. Eldridge is there a problem,"

"Ya there is, you let the fuckin scouser go with the regular shift, but ya send me to the bloody graveyard shift!?"

"Oi calm down ya south English twat!"

"Fuck you scouser!" I stood up and threw my chair back, "You wanna start shit you squeaky voiced shit?!"

"Both of you calm down!" The Captain slammed his hoof on his podium, "You will be shadowing each of the guard branches this week...this is simply who you will follow first, you would know that if you paid attention," I froze for a few seconds before sitting back down, "Now....Mauser - Royal guard..." The list went on, " Vernor - Night guard, now..." She shuffled some papers with his horn, "Several guards are waiting in the training field, they will be picking you and having you shadow them as they work for two days, after those two days you will be picked by a member of the opposite guard....you're all dismissed to the yard," There was a quick shuffled before everyone cleared out into the yard, it was a large rectangular field bordered by a track and some training equipment.

"Oi English!" A nasaly voice cut me off mid though, I turned to face three men, "Heard ya had some problems with ma friend here," He shurgged towards the scouser.

"Oh great...a scouser had to call his Welsh friend to come baby him....and who the fuck are you?" I pointed to the third.

"Nona ya fuckin businss!"

"...oh for fucks sake, so not only did you bring a sheep shaggin Welshmen with ya, you brought a fucking half drunk Glaswegian with you, you're a sad fucking lot ain't ya?" I turned and started walking away only to have the Glaswegian catch my arm and pull me back, "You wanna start shit you dumb Scot prick!?" I threw his arm off and backed away from the group.

"I'm sick of your shit!" The scouser ran over and tried to punch me, I leaned back dodging and slammed my forehead into his nose.

"Scouse shithead! My dad was from Manchester, I'm used to dodging punches, especially one from some dandy, Welsh bordering, scouser pussy!"

"Hey! What's going on here!?" A guard ran over, the Glaswegian started to slink off, "What did you do to him!?" The guard pointed at the crying scouser on the ground.

"Fucker took a swing at me, so I put him on tha ground!" I said pointing to the downed prick.

"He tried to hurt you...." He took another look at the weak, sobbing scouser, "I need you to come with me," He started walking towards me.

"Dust, it wasn't him," A night guard glided over and quickly folded his wings, not to be weird but it was quiet beautiful, "I was watching them the whole time, he did instigate it," He took a step between me and the Welsh twats, "and to be honest I think this just about settled their disagreement..."

The other guard looked skeptical but eventually went to help the scouser, still crying on the ground, "....Thanks..." I said as the night guard turned to me.

"Branch?" He said walking past.

"Oh uh....night guard," He looked back once before trotting off.

"Follow me," He said calmly walking onto the track, "Let's see if you can put that energy of yours to good use," He poised himself to jog down the track.

"Uh....really? I mean...whatever..." I stood next to him on the track, "Just...slow up, I cant run for shit in jeans..."

"Better learn," He started off down the track with a decent speed, It took me a few moments before I caught up with him and matched his pace, "So what was all that back there?"

My breathing was already slightly ragged "huh- oh- the dumb bastards- back there? Just a bit-  of regional- rivalry- and the fact that he's a fuckin scouser-" He looked over at me rather critically, "Don't believe me?"

"No I believe you, you just swear quite a lot,"

"Right...sorry, dad was kinda- heavy handed- in teaching me- that kinda stuff-" I Grabbed my side "Phew...that stuff- tends- to stick-" I started to lag behind.

"Tired already?" He asked slowing slightly.

"Huh- no...just wasn't expectin to go for a jog right after headbutting a scouse shithead. Then again it's still not the weirdest stuff I've done in the place,"

"Ok then...name?" He stopped a few feet ahead of me.

"Tomas Eldridge," I said stopping as well.

"Well Mr. Eldridge, my name is Libra: Night guard captain."

"Oh shit...." I looked around, "Well...I guess this's been an interesting way to get fired..."

"Fired?"

"I'm not fired? After all that?" I pointed back to where the scuffle took place.

"Why, because you defended yourself, albeit in an overly aggressive way. I had no idea those were grounds to be fired," He said sarcastically.

"...this is a joke right? Like you're gonna tell the head captain about this once I leave aren't ya,"

He looked at the ground, "Shining armor is a pompous ass, and even though my records are ten times better than anyone set to replace him I'm still not a candidate, why would I tell them anything?" I was slightly taken aback by his spite.

"...so you don't like the guard?" I said stepping back.

"The royal guard treats us like crap, so yes you could say I don't much care for them," He noticed his posture had slumped over angrily and righted himself, "Ehem....at any rate, meet me around six sharp, guard HQ, Shift is from six to twelve, after that you're free to go," He started walking off, "Do not be late,"

I was left standing in the middle of the track dumbfounded, "Huh....well that was....unique,"

Five fifty seven...five fifty eight..."Mr. Eldridge.." Libra trotted over fully adorn in his uniform, "You're early,"

"By like a minute..." He shoved a bundle of cloth in my hands.

"Go get changed, use my office," He pointed down the hall, "The one marked Libra,"

"No...I thought'd be the one marked bunny...." I hurried down and went into the room, I unfolded the uniform, it looked like the foot patrol uniforms back in Kent, black slacks, a pale blue collard shirt, a black coat and a french kepi. "Bloody hell....do I need the stupid hat?" I eventually decided it would be better to wear it and ask later.

"Ready?" I sauntered back to Libra.

"I guess...the outfits stuffy as hell..." I pulled at my collar.

"...do try to avoid swearing around the princess...." He started off down a hall.

"Wait...princess?!" I ran after him.

After a short walk we were waiting at the throne room, myself and Libra positioned to the right of the throne while another guard stood to the left. After a short silence the doors at the end of the room swung open and in walked a tall navy alicorn, "Remember...be professional," Libra whispered as she approached. As weird as this might be to say given the different species she was really quite a sight. Needless to say long legs are attractive universally.

She trotted to the throne and stopped when she saw me, "Who is this?" She trotted over in front of me and looked me over. After a few seconds of scrutiny she stepped back, "Why are you here?"

I swallowed the lump that had built in my throat, I snapped to attention "Tomas Eldridge: Guard Trainee, I am accompanying one of the night guard as part of my training!" It was a pain to speak proper but I felt it was worth it.

She looked me over once more before glancing at Libra and back to me, "Very well," She turned and sat in the throne. I let out a silent sigh and relaxed my posture, "Libra anything to report?"

"Nothing mistress,"

"Good, Orion any appointments?"

"No, my mistress,"

"....Mr. Eldridge," I snapped upright and froze, "Come to me," I looked over to Libra who quickly gestured for me to go. I quickly stepped rigidly to the steps of the throne, "I have met a few of your kind, tell me; what land do you hail from,"

"A small town in Kent, England, part of the United Kingdom ma'am!" She cocked her head at me slightly.

"Is it normal for people from Kent to shout?" She asked returning to her normal posture.

My eyes started darting around the room, "Uh...no ma'am...I just...."

"I understand, I too had trouble adjusting to life in Equestria as well. How have you found our fair kingdom?"

"Uh....nice? I'm not sure this is how my training is supposed to work...." She glanced offhandedly at Libra.

"Libra, do you see issue with the current situation?"

"No mistress,"

"Then there is no reason to be worried," She said propping her chin on a hoof.

"Uh....I...alright this is bloody strange..." I lost my composure completely, "I mean...is this normal? Ta be chatting with royals instead of being out on patrol?" I caught a quick glare from Libra, "I mean...no offense but it feels wrong," The princess raised an eyebrow.

"This is the usual duty of a palace guard, especially one of my night guards, " She stood and walked over to meet me face to face, "Most nights are simple conversations with my guards, not many wish to consult with myself as they would my sister," She narrowed her eyes and got in my face, so close that I could feel her breathing on my neck, "Do you feel the same, that I am....scary?" I had subconciously leaned back and looked off to the side, only daring to glance at her for seconds at a time.

"...scary....no....intimidating....ehhhh...."She realized how close she had gotten and took a step back, still close, but a civil distance, "Sorry if I'm comin off as rude...VIPs are usually seen as...unapproachable, at least where I'm from,"

She looked shocked for a moment, "Libra! Am I...unapproachable?"

"No mistress!"

"But the human said-"

"Mistress...you...you are rather imposing," The guard to the left eeked out.

She looked hurt, like I had caused a crack in her heart, "Ma'am..." I broke the silence, "Simply put...people tend to get a little....nervous, around pretty women in positions of power....*cough*....ma'am..." I took a step back.

She looked even more shocked with a slight blush on her cheeks, she quickly covered her face and sat back in her throne, the girls that saw me through immigrations did love my accent..."Mr.Eldridge, please step forward," I hesitantly complied, standing at attention at the bottom of the throne, "You believe I am...pretty?" I froze in place, my eyes shot open wide, and I could feel my manhood shrink in fear. The next few words might very well kill me.

"...."

"Mr.Eldridge?"

"...."

"Mistress I think he-" I slowly felt myself go light headed and tip back.

"Mr.Eldridge?" I slowly regained consciousness, my view obstructed by the princess and two guards looking over me, "Mr.Eldridge are you feeling well?" The princess asked levitating me to my feet.

"Whau~ Oh man....oh shite...I locked my legs didn't I?" The guards took their places again while the princess took a few steps back towards the throne. I hand moved about a half meter back from where I was.

"....Mr.Eldridge, do you remember what we were speaking of?" I perked up again, "Are you unable to answer, or unwilling," her tone shifted to one of accusation.

"What!? No I- ....remeber what I said about pretty women..." She wasnt buying it.

"Answer me! Do you find me "pretty" She asked stepping towards me.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! "Yes ma'am!" I blurted out taking a step back, which she quickly countered.

"What about me?" She slowly advanced on me with me in a shattered retreat.

"Your legs!"

"What else!?"

"Uh...your shoes! You have a beautiful mane!" It sounded like I was pleading.

Something caught my foot and I fell on my back, she was quickly standing over me, front hooves around my head. It felt like my heart was going to burst, "Anything else!?"

I quickly ran through a list of phrases that might save my ass, "You have a beautiful coat, someone could get lost in your eyes, your extremely regal, and ya have an extremely cute face!" She only narrowed her eyes and pressed her forehead against mine, "Please don't kill me..."

She just leaned further down and softly bit the tip of my nose, "A loyal subject indeed," She gave a quick smile before trotting back to the throne. This gave me a chance to look around, she had chased me down about fifteen meters down the throne room.

I looked up to see Libra slowly approaching, "I'm not sure what just happened!" I said sounding rather panicked. Libra just shook his head.

He helped me to my feet, "It would seem you've made a good impression, for the idiot that you obviously are."

"Hey...."

He just rolled his eyes, "You did fine...maybe too well if you wanted to avoid attention...." I shakily took my placed to the right of Libra. The rest of the night was spent telling minor stories and explaining stuff about Kent to the princess with the occasional odd glance or loaded question.

Eventually I was reviled and I hurried home, leaving my clothes in Libra's office, "Kim's never gonna shut up about this..."

"Aww...that's cute," Kim said leaning over the couch, "Sound's like little Tommy has a girl fawning over em,"

"Kim, shut it! Christ....I blame tha fuckin accent! You're lucky men don't get all ohhh ahhhh over your fuckin accent!" I threw my shoe next to the door, "Christ...."

"Oh calm down, Tomas, I think it's adorable ya finally have someone that like's ya," She said in her evil bitch sarcastic tone.

"Oi Kim you shut your bloody mouth....oh wait, th'aint the best part, she's one of the bloody royals..." She looked shocked.

"A royal fell for ya? Did ya drug her first!?"

"Ya shut your fuckin mouth Kim!" I tossed my other shoe at her, "Always such a sarcastic bitch!" I stood up quickly, "Screw you....I'm go'in to bed," I unbuttoned my shirt and tossed it in the hall. I threw myself back on my bed and quickly passed out.

I pulled off a perfect bicycle kick into the goal, "Suck it Collin!"

"You've beaten me!? HOW!?" He fell to his knees.

"Fuck you Collin, this time I win!" I heard something rustle in the bushes, "Tha hell is that?" I turned back around only to find Collin missing, "Collin, the hell is this?"

"Mr.Eldridge," I turned finding a large out of place alicorn chest to chest with me.

"JESUS!" I fell back landing on the soft grass, "Luna!? What is this!?"

She didn't answer, she just folded her legs next to me and laid her head on my lap, "Tell me more about why you think I'm pretty," She looked up with lazy, pleading eyes.

"uh....."

"Please," She stared me down, like I said someone could get lost in there.

"I....." I could feel myself getting excited by her presence on my lap, ".....you have-"

"Whua~ what the hell?" I woke up and looked around, an odd feeling close to me, "Tha hell is....OH WHAT TA FUCK!?" I reached down my pants and sure enough there was need to change, "Mother fucker! Not since I was fourteen!" I jumped out of bed and quick changed, "God dammit...." Next Chapter: Tuesday Estimated time remaining: 1 Hour, 7 Minutes