The Wheel and the Butterfly

A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga

Part 10 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Interspecies Relationship

Chapter 84 Twilight Vs. Freak Out

“Hhhehh…hhhehh..whoua….WHOUAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAA!”

“Twilight! Calm down! It’s not that big of deal,” Dan assured.

“MY COLTFRIEND JUST WALKED IN ON ME PARTICIPATING IN SOME SORT OF BIZARRE, INTERDIMENSIONAL THREE-WAY! HOW IS THAT NOT A BIG DEAL!?” Twilight screamed.

“Look,” Dan began, “if you just…”

“Oh my gosh, oh my GOSH!” Twilight exclaimed.

“… calm down and think about this.”

“He’s going to break up with me for sure!” Twilight said as she placed her forehooves to either side of her face.

Dan narrowed his eyes slightly, “I’m sure you’ll see your mind is…”

“He must think I’m the weirdest, most perverted…”

Dan’s eye began to twitch, “...running wild and you’re not…”

“...pony in all of Equestria! Oh my gosh!” Twilight’s eyes shot open wide as her pupils shrank to tiny dots, “He’s…”

“…thinking clearly at the moment.” Dan growled out through gritted teeth. “Now, just take a few…”

“…probably never going to speak to me again!” Twilight cried as she wrapped her forearms around her head. “I have to…”

“… deep, calming breaths…” Dan’s head began to tremble with rage.

“…go right now and catch him.”

Twilight’s horn glowed purple and soon the same glow enveloped the door.

“TWILIGHT!” Dan screamed.

“WHAT?!”

“What the heck do you think you’re doing?!”

“I need to catch Flash!” Twilight explained.

“And tell him what, exactly?”

“That I’m not as perverted as he thinks I am,” Twilight replied.

Dan paused. “Twilight, I’m not as perverted as you think I am,” he said calmly.

Twilight knitted her brow as she simultaneously raised an eyebrow, “…Uh… really? Because Pinkie’s mentioned a few things…”

“See?! See how well that works!?”

Twilight’s eyes widened slightly as she considered Dan’s words. “Alright, yeah… it is a tad incriminating sounding…” she admitted.

Dan breathed a small sigh of relief, “There, now that you’re thinking clearly again…”

Twilight’s lips began quivering and she started wailing once again, “WHOUAAAAAAAAAAAHWUAAAAAAAAHWUAAAAAAAAA!”

Dan sighed, “… I can talk you through this…”

Dan heard the door to the apartment slam open and within seconds, Elise was standing in between him and the mirror, red faced and focusing a death beam glare on him.

“DAN! WHAT THE HECK DID YOU DO!?” Elise demanded.

“ME!? I didn’t do anything! I’m trying to help!” Dan cried.

Chris quickly sprinted up towards his wife, “Dan!? What…”

“… HWUAAAAAAAAHWUAAAAAAAAA…!”

“You REALLY expect me to believe you, Dan, didn’t cause this and are actually trying to help?!”

Dan narrowed his eyes, “Well, no,” he replied, “mostly because you’re a moron who loves to assume I’m to blame for everyone’s else’s misfortune.”

“…You know, disregarding the moron part, he’s got a point…” Chris said.

Elise turned and glared at her husband, “Seriously?”

Chris held his hands up defensively, “Look, a few months ago blaming Dan would be playing the odds, but between the trouble Pinkie causes and the fact that there’s now some crazy interdimensional aspect to this whole thing, maybe it really isn’t his fault.

“… HWUAAAAAAAAHWUAAAAAAAAA…!”

From is spot on the floor, Dan motioned to Chris, “See Elise? That’s what a sane, rational person sounds like. Now you try it.”

Elise’s lips pulled up in a sneer and she glowered at Dan, “See! That response! That there is why it’ll be a cold day in Hell before believe you’ve done anything but cause misery!”

“You know actually,” Chris began, “Dan pointed out just yesterday that the 9th circle of Hell is actually frozen, so…”

“CHRIS! NOT NOW!” Elise cried.

“Uh…right…” Chris replied sheepishly.

“Elise! I know you have a creepy stalker crush on Sparkles and are generally incapable of rational behavior, but if you could give me a few minutes with Twilight, here…”

“DO YOU REALLY THINK I’M GOING TO LEAVE HER ALONE WITH A DEPRAVED LUNATIC LIKE YOU?!”

“LEAVE HIM ALONE!” Twilight cried. “HE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!”

The group went quiet.

Elise paused as he brain desperately tried to make sense of the situation.

“There!” Dan said motioning to Twilight. “Now if you’re done making a spectacle out of yourself, I’d like some time alone to help my friend here!”

“But… but…” Elise protested as her lower lip began to quiver.

Chris sighed and placed his hands on his wife’s shoulders, “Come on honey… let’s just go outside for a bit…”

“But… Dan…” Elise protested.

“I’ve got things completely under control!” Dan declared from his position on the bathroom floor under his unconscious, pony girlfriend.

“It’s…it’s alright, Elise,” Twilight assured as she wiped tears away from her eyes. “We’ll talk soon… I think… I actually think I do need to talk to Dan for a little bit here…”

Elise nodded weakly and allowed Chris to take her out of the apartment.

Dan listened for the sound of the apartment door closing then looked back at Twilight, “Alright, tell me what stupid thing is running through your mind right now and I’ll tell you why you’re stupid for thinking it.”

“Wa…Well… I mean… Flash walked in on us and…sniff… hhhhehh… and…hhehhh”

“No!” Dan cried. “No more crying! Work with me here, Sparkles. You can do this.”

“Okay… well…” Twilight wiped a forearm under her snout, “snniffff… he probably thinks I’m some crazy pervert and now wants nothing to do with me…” Twilight continued meekly.

“Okay, so you see, that right there is…”

Twilight’s lips began to tremble once more. “… so he’s going to break up with me and never talk to me again,” she declared as her voice began to increase in volume as well as speed.

“Uh… Sparkles?”

Twilight’s voice began to raise in pitch as her mind began to run off again, “Sniff… And he’ll probably tell Cadance who’ll tell big brother…”

Dan narrowed his eyes, “Twilight!”

Twilight placed her forefooves on either side of their face, “…Who will tell the other princesses, and they’ll take Spike away from me, because who knows what would happen to him if he was left alone with me?!”

“Twilight!” Dan attempted with more force.

“Then Luna and Celestia will announce that I’m a depraved, perverted lunatic as a big, royal announcement…”

“What?! Why would they…”

“And soon all of Equestria will think I’m sort of unhinged, perverted princess and will want nothing to do with me I’ll be alone again!”

“Seriously!” Dan cried. “I know you have a tendency to go off the rails, Sparkler, but you’re trying to see if the train doubles as a submarine at this point!”

“ … I’m just… I’m just a weird, book obsessed mare and nopony will ever love me!” Twilight declared.

“…What? Calm down…”

“THAT’S IT! IT’S OVER! I’M JUST GOING TO BE ALONE FOREVER! NO COLTFRIEND, NO FRIENDS AND SURROUNDED BY BOOKS!”

Dan sighed and brought a palm up to his face, “I can’t believe her freak outs can rival Pinkie’s…”

“WHOUAAAAAAAAAAAHWUAAAAAAAAHWUAAAAAAAAA!”

“JUST SHUT UP FOR A FEW SECOND, OKAY?!” Dan shouted.

Twilight chomped at her lower lip and stared at Dan as she attempted to choke back sobs and tears.

“Alright, so… none of that crazy stuff you said matters because orange, flying horse is not going to break up with you,” Dan said.

“You don’t… you don’t know that…”

Dan rolled his eyes, “Believe me I do.”

Twilight narrowed her eyes at Dan, “What would YOU do if you were in his position…”

“Uh… wait…” Dan paused and thought for a moment, “You’re asking me what if I would do if I walked in and saw you shooting Pinkie with magic ‘feel good’ beams, while she was startling myself…”

“Uh…” It was Twilight’s turn to stop and think about it, “Not exactly…”

“…Then what are you asking me?”

“I’m asking you if you walked in and saw Pinkie shooting me with…”

“Pinkie isn’t a unicorn,” Dan interrupted.

Twilight frowned, “Fine… she has like… a tool that shoots euphoria via high frequency waves… or something…”

Dan knitted his eyebrow and glanced upwards, or rather, downwards in his case, "...Like some sort of... pleasure inducing... sonic screwdriver?"

"IT DOESN'T MATTER!" Twilight shouted.

Dan scrunched his lips to one side of his mouth, “I'm just going to roll with it…” He replied.

"Fine, fine..." Twilight replied in a slightly exasperated tone.

“So… I walk in… Pinkie has some sort of ‘feel good’ sonic screwdriver… she’s shooting you from across dimensions… Wait!”

Twilight sighed, “What is it now?

“…Is Pinkie a pony in this scenario?”

“…Uh…” Twilight paused as she tried to figure out what would make the most logical sense here, “No… since you’re most used to her being a human…”

“…But I’m also most used to you being a pony! In fact I’ve never…”

“Dan… just assume I’m human for this scenario, okay?”

Dan scrunched his lips to the left side of his mouth, “…Fine… So… you’re human… Pinkie is shooting you with…. some sort of feel good tool… and you seem to be having the time of your life… and you’re startling… uh…

“Flash,” Twilight stated.

“Okay, so… orange, flying horse… Wait, is…”

“Flash is still a pony in this situation…” Twilight stated.

Dan paused again, “… Okay, we just broke that out play by play and I still don’t know what to make of it.”

“SEE!” Twilight said. “You don’t know!”

“No, that’s just it,” Dan replied, “it’s just… wow...” Dan paused and stared off into space.

“What?”

“Uh… I guess it just dawned on me how weird this all is… Anyhow, the weirdness is probably a good thing… er… for you…”

“How can anything in this situation be considered a good thing?!” Twilight demanded.

“Pinkie seems to be enjoying herself,” Dan said as he winked at Twilight.

Twilight folded her arms and shot Dan a glare, “Not funny.”

Dan chuckled, “Alright… Look, I’m living this crazy scenario and I can barely comprehend what’s going on. Orange horse walked in on it without context, he’s probably way too confused to even be angry. He’s probably out sitting somewhere in a near catatonic state as his brain attempts to sort out what he just saw.”

Twilight paused and thought about Dan’s words briefly as she stared at the library ceiling, “…You really think so?”

Shining Armor and Cadance cocked their heads slightly as they watched Flash Sentry wordlessly return to his seat and stare blankly off into space.

“Merrrow! Hisssss!” Mr. Mumbles spat out as she continued to glare out of her mirror and argue with Celestia.

“…I’m just saying you should feel quite proud for yourself!” Celestia replied, “I mean, you’ve got to be a paradise for fleas! Imagine how happy all the parasite that live on you must be!”

“Hisssssssssss!”

Celestia frowned, “It’s not my fault I need a series of royal, magical-hair brushers! Everyone expects me to walk around with this shimmering, waving nonsense behind me…”

“Uh… Flash? Are you okay there?” Shining Armor asked.

Flash said nothing as his 1,000 yard stare continued.

“Did… did you and Twilight have a fight?” Cadance asked with a touch of concern.

Flash shook his head.

Luna cocked her head. “Did you walk in on a situation that defined all known bounds of reason and now you are at a complete loss of how to respond?”

Flash nodded his head.

Shining Armor raised an eyebrow as he glanced over at the dark blue alicorn, “How did you know that?”

Luna smiled, “One of our advisors once walked in on a delegate from the southern cat nations mid-coitus with a delegate from the ocean lands.”

Shining Armor and Cadance both cocked an eyebrow and looked at each other before turning back to Luna.

“Do I dare ask what was the species of the of the ocean land delegate?” Cadance said.

“Oh, it was one of the Lords from the whale nations,” Luna explained.

Shining Armor’s and Cadance’s eyes suddenly shot open.

“Wait...” Shining Armor said as grasped the sides of his head with his forehooves, “you’re saying that a southern kitty and a whale lord where somehow doing it?! How does… how does that even work?!”

Luna shook her head, “All I know is our advisor came back and sat down with the same stare Flash Sentry currently has…” Luna pointed a forehoof at Shining Armor, “ Yes… like that, exactly like that…”

Cadance glanced at her husband to see he was now also staring off into space.

“Sniff… hic… IT’S TRUE!” Celestia cried. “I just want everypony to treat like I’m not some sort of walking demi-god! But now it’s expected of me and I can’t get away from it!” Celestia leaned her forearms on the table and buried her face in them as she began to cry, “Whuaaahheeeheeee…!”

“Merow…” Mr. Mumbles uttered sympathetically, as her ears folded down around her head and she pawed at the mirror.

Celestia lifted her head enough to glance at the grey cat and uttered a small, “Thank you” through her tears.

Cadance looked at Luna with a perplexed expression.

Luna just smiled back at her. “This is a good Princess Summit!” she declared.

Dan nodded, “Just explain to him what was going on… I mean,” Dan stared up at the ceiling and held a palm up, “I don’t think it will help his confusion any, but I’m sure he’ll get you were only helping…”

“…You… you really think he won’t break up with me?” Twilight asked.

Dan cocked an eyebrow, “Okay… you may not have realized this, but I sure the heck know orange horse has figured out you’re way, way, way out of his league to even give him the time of day, let alone date him.”

Twilight knitted her brow, “What? I’m not out of…”

“You’re a princess and he’s just one of your guards, right?” Dan pointed out.

Twilight thought about this, “Well… I mean… I don’t consider…”

Dan shook his head, “It doesn’t matter if you care or not, just that he cares…”

Twilight pursed her lips as she kept her brow scrunched up, “Do you really think it matters that much to him?”

“Tons of flowers? A big box of chocolate? A giant teddy bear! Poetry!? Yeah, I think it matters,” Dan began to absentmindedly stroke the pony that was on top of him. “Believe me, that guy knows he’s lucky to have you. It’ll take more than him walking on something weird for him to even dream you aren’t worth it.”

Twilight glanced at Dan’s hand as he continued to run it up and down Pinkie’s back. She slowly nodded, “Alright, I believe you…”

Dan nodded, “Good…”

Twilight went quiet as she shifted pensively.

Dan rolled his eyes sighed, “Just go find him…”

Twilight’s eyes widened, “What?! But what about you?!”

“I’m sure I’ll be fine, I mean… she should at least stay down for a little longer.”

Twilight cocked an eyebrow, “And if she doesn’t?”

“Uh… I guess it sucks to be me, then,” Dan answered.

Twilight shook her head, “I won’t leave you Dan.”

“Look, Sparkles it’s okay, go work things out with orange horse.”

“As much as I’d like to, I’m fairly certain that if I leave and Pinkie does wake up and have her way with you, I’ll never be able to forgive myself.”

Dan sighed, “Fine! Stay! Just reel in your inane prattling to normal Sparkler levels.”

Twilight sighed, “Sorry… guess I really went overboard for a bit there,” Twilight said as she glanced away and sheepishly rubbed the back of her head with a forehoof. “It’s been a pretty taxing last couple of days…”

Dan rolled his eyes, “You don’t say.”

Twilight sniggered, “Well, I know things are pretty rough over there, but I’m the one who had to transform Pinkie into a bunch of weird things in an attempt to get her back to human…”

“… Here’s an idea!” Dan announced cheerfully. “Everyone who got sucked into another dimension the other day and had to fight their way out raise their hand,” Dan said as he raised a hand in the air.

Twilight chuckled and shook her head, “Alright, you wi…”

“Dan, I don’t have a hand to raise…” Pinkie uttered as she continued to lay on top of Dan with her eyes closed.

Dan and Twilight froze as their concerned eyes focused all their attention on Pinkie.

“Uh… I mean… Snore! Zeeeee….”

Dan smacked a palm against his face, “Goofball, if you’re pretending to be asleep you’re not supposed to say ‘snore’ and ‘zee’.”

“… Whoops…” Pinkie said as she opened her eyes.

Twilight warily eyed the pink mare, “How long have you been awake?”

“Erm… Whenever it was Twilight first started crying and screaming…” Pinkie replied.

“So… almost immediately after she knocked you out, then…” Dan said.

“Uh… How do you feel?” Twilight asked Pinkie.

Pinkie looked up at Twilight, “Like my insides are on fire and only Dan has the hose to put it out.”

Twilight cringed, Dan also cringed but chuckled as he did it.

“You seem to be showing an awful lot of restraint,” Dan commented. “I’m impressed.”

“Well, between Twilight’s uh… treatments… and getting to hear you two get along for a change, I managed to hold it together for a little bit.”

Dan gulped, “A little bit?”

Pinkie puffed out her lower lip a bit and looked down at Dan, “I’m really, really sorry… but… this is really hard…”

“Hey, it’s alright…” Dan said soothingly as he began to run his hand over Pinkie’s mane, “…we’ll figure it out…”

“…Dan, it’s probably in your best interest that you stop stroking my mane,” Pinkie informed, “it’s not exactly helping me maintain control, here…”

“Uh… sure…” Dan said as he lifted his hand of the pink pony’s curly mane.

Pinkie looked up at Twilight with big, watery sky-blue eyes and a quivering lip, “Twilight… I’m really sorry I’m putting you through this and made you scare Flash off…”

Twilight smiled and shook her head, “It’s alright.”

“No, it’s not Twilight.” Pinkie said. “You’ve had two miserable days and it’s all my fault!”

“Pinkie, it’s not your fault,” Twilight insisted, “you can’t help that you’re a pony now or in heat.”

“But…” Pinkie protested.

Twilight smiled warmly at her friend, “Look, we’ll get through this just like we’ve gotten through all our other adventures and like we’ll get through anything else the universe has to throw at us.”

Pinkie smiled happily and nodded, “Alright, Twilight.”

“… But this one will still be the weirdest, right?” Dan asked.

Twilight frowned and stared off into space, “Oh Celestia, I sure hope so…”

Dan and Pinkie grinned at each other and soon broke into a fit of laughter.

Twilight smiled at the couple and soon found herself joining in their happy outburst.

Author's Notes:

Kudos to user BronySquidiness for giving me an idea to improve a line here.