The Wheel and the Butterfly

A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga

Part 10 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Interspecies Relationship

Chapter 72: Pinkie Vs. Hooves

“Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! DAN! DANDANDANDANDANDANDAN…” Pinkie repeated as she continually nuzzled her boyfriend in an attempt to get him up.

“…Beat’s me officer…” Dan mumbled out, still lying down in bed, “…the waterpark was on fire when I got here…”

“Wake up, sleepy-weepy!” Pinkie said as she clamped onto the blankets with her teeth and pulled the covers off.

Dan wrapped his bare arms around his bare chest and shivered slightly. He slowly opened his eyes, focusing on his recently returned to pony form girlfriend. He scowled, the nicest expression he could manage at being woken up in the early, early morning. “…What…what time is it?”

“Don’t worry!” Pinkie said. “You still have plenty of time to get ready and enjoy the yummy breakfast I’m making for you!” Pinkie said, cheerful as ever.

Dan cocked an eyebrow, “Are you standing in for the alarm clock? That was risky…” Dan mused.

Pinkie giggled, “Hehehe…well I’m harder to throw out the window.”

“Ugh…” Dan shimmied his body over to the side of his bed and let his feet dangle over, “why do bakeries need to open so dang early? Why can’t they open at a sensible time in the morning…like noon…”

Pinkie smiled wide, “Well, dough needs time to get up in the morning, too.”

Dan furrowed his brow and pursed his lips into a tight frown. He leaned his face in close to Pinkie’s, “Just ‘cause you’re harder to throw out a window doesn’t mean I won’t try.”

Pinkie giggled to herself, “Hehehe…alright, no bad puns until after breakfast.”

Dan grumbled, “‘Bad’ was redundant in that sentence.”

Pinkie merely smiled cheerfully as Dan scooted off the bed, walked to his dresser and pulled out a change of clothes and stepped out of the bedroom.

Dan paused as he took a quick glance at the living room.

Huh…Pinkie must have cleaned up while I was asleep, this place was a disaster even by our lofty standards when we went to bed…she even piled up the broken couch.

Dan looked down at Pinkie and raised an eyebrow. “You get enough sleep, goofball?”

Pinkie waved a dismissive forehoof about, “Of course! It’d didn’t take that long to clean everything up…”

Pinkie gently placed a pair of fuzzy, pink earmuffs over Dan’s ears.

“Zzzzzzzz…”

Pinkie fondly regarded her snoozing boyfriend for a second with a small smile as small beams of streetlight shined over the couple through their bedroom blinds. Pinkie leaned in to give Dan a quick peck on the cheek before jumping off the bed.

“Mew?” Mr. Mumbles meowed inquisitively, poking her head up from behind Dan’s slumbering body.

Pinkie quickly put a forehoof up to her mouth, “Shhhhhh… I’m just going to quickly clean up. Dan deserves to wake up to a nice, clean apartment after being the best boyfriend ever.” She said quietly.

“Merow?”

“Well, of course you can keep me company!” Pinkie said happily.

Mr. Mumbled jumped off the bed and trotted up to the pink pony, rolling on her stomach and exposing her belly. “Prrrrrrr…”

“Awwww…whosa pretty kitty?” Pinkie smiled, a smile that was quickly chloroformed, kidnapped, and held for ransom as she raised a forehoof.

“I…whimper…I CAN’T GIVE BELLY SCRATCHES! WHOUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Tears began to stream out of Pinkie’s eyes as if someone had just turned on a water hose behind both optical organs.

Dan stirred in the bed and began to mumble, “…No, jerk-face…I was saving that month old pizza for zzz…science…zzzz…”

Pinkie clamped her hooves over her mouth, glanced at Dan, then back at Mr. Mumbles. “Maybe we should take this into the living room…” she suggested.

“Meroow.”

Pinkie and Mr. Mumbles quietly made their way out of the room. Pinkie turned to the door, raised her a forehoof up to the knob and…

“Eeeh…hee…sniff…whuaa…”

…began to tear up.

“Mew?”

Mr. Mumbled placed a paw against the door, closing it slightly.

Pinkie sighed, “You’re right Mr. Mumbles.” She gently pushed a forehoof against the door and closed it. “It’s just...” Pinkie began, “…just that I spent all this time dreaming of becoming a pony again, and now I am, but I’m still here where everything is made for people with hands and it’s getting me kinda down…also Dan can fire cotton candy out of his eyes in my dreams…” Pinkie knitted her brow and pursed her lips. “I should probably cut down on the sugar right before bed…” she mused.

“Meow.”

Pinkie stared out into the living room/kitchen area of the small apartment and sighed and dropped her ears. The kitchen was still a mess with a mixture of various liquids sitting in a dingy pool in front of the fridge. Pinkie noticed a plastic milk carton that looked like someone had exploded by standing on it, a crushed cardboard carton of chocolate milk, and multiple single serving yogurt containers that had likewise been squashed.

Huh…what was it that set me off here…Must have been something pretty major if I went so far as to actually waste food…Wait…this is all dairy….

Maybe Dan…

Pinkie knitted her brow and glanced towards the ceiling briefly…

“YOU THINK JUST BECAUSE I CAN’T OPEN YOU RIGHT NOW MEANS THAT YOU’RE SAFE?!” Pinkie screamed at a yogurt container in her hand. “I MAY NOT HAVE OPPOSABLE DIGITS ANY MORE, BUT I’M STILL BIGGER THAN YOU!” She yelled shrilly.

Pinkie dropped the yogurt container on the floor and crushed it under her hoof, the pink contents of the container oozed out in all directions.

She looked back up into the open fridge and glared at the items inside.

“WHAT ARE YOU ALL LAUGHING AT?!” Pinkie screeched at the items in the fridge. “I CAN DO THE SAME TO ALL OF YOU! I WILL DO THE SAME TO ALL OF YOU!” She shrieked.

That day, the contents of Dan’s and Pinkie’s fridge remembered…the dread that was a life under their rule, the humiliation of being boxed up like perishable items in a fridge…which is exactly what they all were.

“Merow?” Mr. Mumbles mewed, looking up from Dan’s lap at the man.

Dan merely watched as Pinkie began grabbing items from the fridge and violently threw them on the floor.

Dan shrugged. “It’s her food, maybe I’ll intervene if she goes for the lactose free carton.”

Pinkie sighed as she buried her face in a forehoof.

The couch was a wreck. It had given its all breaking Dan and Pinkie's fall. Her clothes were strewn about everywhere, courtesy of her multi-hour long freak-out session. The whole place was simply a mess with various CDs, video games and other random items scattered about.

Pinkie trotted up to mass of blue couch pieces and rested a forehoof on them as her lips quivered a bit.

“Poor Couchy…we’ll have a proper furniture funeral for you, okay?” Pinkie patted the debris lovingly. “You were just like…like a couch to us!”

Pinkie homed in on video game controller on the floor and trotted up to it.

Are those…teeth marks?! It looks all…slobbery…

Pinkie thought back…

“I CAN DO THIS! I CAN DO THIS!” Pinkie screeched as she pounded furiously on the game controller that sat on the floor.

“Pinkie, stop being stupid…er. You’re not going to be able to pull off a combo without fingers,” Dan said in an irritated tone.

Pinkie put the controller in her mouth and begun to chew on it. “NWOO IWW VWAN DWWO THIFF!”

“Is this how the story ends?”

“Told you…” Dan muttered from his spot on the easy chair.

Pinkie’s eye twitched as she spat the controller out of her mouth.

“GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAH!”

Pinkie closed her eyes and scrunched her face up as she smacked her forehead with a forehoof repeatedly.

“Guess that’s my controller from now on…”

“Meow.” Mr. Mumbles replied in a tone of affirmation.

Pinkie put her hoof back down and exhaled, “Oh well, better get started. This mess isn’t going to clean itself up…”

Pinkie trotted into the dark bathroom, stood on her hind legs and flipped on the light switch.

“Oh my Celestia…” Pinkie uttered as she buried her face in her forehooves.

The walls where covered in glittery scrawls of a number of different colors. What was uniform about them was the phrase that was repeated over and over again:

‘All hooves and no hands makes Pinkie a sad pony’

‘All hooves and no hands makes Pinkie a sad pony’

‘All hooves and no hands makes Pinkie a sad pony’

‘All hooves and no hands makes Pinkie a sad pony’

‘All hooves and no hands makes Pinkie a sad pony’

“Guess, I’ll start with this room…” Pinkie sighed out.

Pinkie grumbled irritably to herself as she attempted to walk up the stairs with arms full of various kitchen tools.

“Uhg…I can’t believe I pushed all these out…sigh…and I can’t even use them right now…”

The pile jumped and shifted slightly with each step. A small grater with a handle slipped off.

Pinkie’s ears flopped down around her head and her eyes narrowed in frustration as the grater clattered on the ground, then bounced down the stairs.

She shot the offending kitchen tool a death glare. “THIS IS WHY YOU WERE ALMOST BURNT AT THE STAKE, GRATEY!”

“KEEP IT DOWN OUT THERE! WE’RE TRYING TO SLEEP!” A masculine voiced called from the apartment next to Dan’s and Pinkie’s.

“I CAN BE AS LOUD AS I WANT!” Pinkie shouted back. “I’VE HAD A VERY BAD DAY!”

An angry looking man opened the window, poked his head out, and stared at Pinkie Pie. “Gasp! A talking pink pony!”

“GO AHEAD AND TELL THE WORLD!” Pinkie screeched. “NO ONE WILL BELIEVE YOU!”

“Uh wow…you got my number there…”

“Hold on, darn it!” Pinkie said to her own hoof as she placed it on a dust pan and attempted to sweep a pile of dust and fur onto it. “HOLD ON!”

She pushed the broom forward and the dustpan slid out of the way.

“GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!” Pinkie raised her forehooves up to her face. “WHY DON’T YOU GUYS WORK HERE LIKE YOU DO IN EQUESTRIA?!”

“Meerrrooow!”

“I KNOW HE’S STILL SLEEPING BY I’M JUST SO FRUSTRATED! ARRRRRRRAAAAAAAAGHGHRAAABLAAAAAA!”

Dan knitted his brow at Pinkie and examined her carefully.

Pinkie’s grin turned nervous and her eyes darted back and forth.

“Whatever,” Dan said, glancing at his dresser and walking over to it, “just get some rest while I’m out.”

Pinkie’s expression relaxed slightly. “Sure…it’s not like I’m going anywhere…” she added with a hint of annoyance in her tone.

Dan pulled out a change of clothing from his dresser and walked out of the bedroom. He paused at the bathroom door, hesitating before turning on the light.

“Don’t worry!” Pinkie said happily. “I cleaned that up, too.”

Dan breathed a sigh of relief and switched on the light, “Good, I was not looking forward to a shower surrounded by a magical fairy presented version of The Shining.”

Pinkie gave a small, nervous giggle, “Hehehe…Yeah, it was pretty creepy in there.”

“Actually, it was all the frou-frou glitter everywhere I was referring too.”

“Oh, hehehe…”

Dan closed the door to the bathroom and soon the sound of running water could be heard.

Pinkie trotted back over to the kitchen, a mess of flour, broken eggs, and lactose free milk.

“Now… let’s see if I can do this without burning the kitchen down…” Pinkie said. “…Or myself…” she gulped

Dan stared at his reflection and grumbled irritably to himself as a he ran a comb through his hair.

It’s not fair, it’s just not fair!

Stupid life with all its dumb curve balls!

Makes me want to thrash metaphors with a baseball bat!

I cross dimensions, beat the snot out of some all-powerful cloud thingies, save the girl, and this is my reward?!

MAN…

IT’S JUST NOT FAIR!

…I can’t BELIEVE I have to get up this early to go to work!

Dan’s expression softened slightly as he continued to look into the mirror.

At least I got Pinkie back and she’s okay…

I mean…mostly okay…

Wow, that was a crazy freak out, even by Pinkie standards…like…give that girl a trophy for most crazy freak out of all time…

And she still seems like she’s adjusting…

Uhlg, I should be staying here with her and making sure she’s okay, not going to make stupid baked goods for the unwashed masses of Van Nuys.

‘BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP…’

“Oh uh…” Dan uttered. “That’s the smoke detector.”

Dan threw open the door. “Pinkie?!” he cried.

He spotted the pink pony wearing a striped white and gray apron in front of a small tower of flames that shot up from a pan on the stove.

“I CAN FIX IT! I CAN FIX IT!” Pinkie insisted.

Pinkie dove under the sink and frantically gathered the fire extinguisher into her arms. She craned her neck and grabbed the hose by her teeth. She attempted to point the nozzle fire-ward all while hugging the fire extinguisher. She fumbled her hooves about trying to work the handle.

She suddenly paused, noticing she’d have to squeeze the two levers that served as the handle together somehow.

“Problem?” Dan asked flatly as he walked into the kitchen.

“Iw goot wit!” Pinkie cried through a mouthful of hose. She let go of the house with her teeth, repositioned her mouth over the levers, and hugged the fire extinguisher to her chest with a single arm. She positioned her free forearm under the hose, pointed the it, and clamped down with her teeth

“WHHHHAAAA!” With nothing to properly aim the hose it sprayed fire retardant chemicals in all directions, including Dan’s.

Pinkie quickly dropped the fire extinguisher and rushed over to Dan, waving her forearms over his face to get the foam off of it.

Dan shot her daggers as his eyes became visible.

Pinkie sat on her haunches, glanced over at the fire, then back to Dan with a pleading, ‘help me!’ look.

Dan calmly brushed more foam off his body, leaned down and opened up a cupboard next to the stove. He fished out a frying pan cover, stood up and placed the cover over the fiery, smoking pan.

The fire went out.

Pinkie wiped her forearm over her forehead. “Thank you, Dan.”

Dan glanced over the kitchen counters, deciding it best not to address the disaster area Pinkie had turned it into and noticing a giant stack of pancakes with a cherry on top that had avoided Pinkie’s foam frenzy.

“Those for me?” Dan asked.

Pinkie grinned wide, “Yepper! Uh…no eggs though…” Pinkie said, nodding her head at the stove.

Dan glanced at Pinkie, then back to the massive pile of pancakes. “Uh…this will be fine…”

Pinkie smiled and trotted over to the plate, “Let me just put that on the…WHAAAA!”

Dan quickly dove and snatched the plate out of Pinkie’s forehooves before the pink pony could drop it. “That’s okay…” Dan said, stressing the word ‘okay’ rather hard. “I think I can manage.”

Pinkie breathed a sigh of relief, “Thanks Dan, I’m kinda butterfing…er hooves this morning…”

Dan shook his head, “Don’t worry about it. I’m just glad you’re okay…still.”

Pinkie paused and looked up at Dan, her eyes watering slightly.

“Uh…goofball? You doing okay?”

Pinkie stood up on her back legs, closed her eyes, and leaned her face in close to Dan’s, giving him a peck on the cheek.

Dan gave his girlfriend a small smile.

“You always know the right thing to say…” Pinkie mused, as she opened her eyes and looked upon her boyfriend fondly.

Dan chuckled, “So I’ve been told…”

Dan set his fork down next to the still huge pile of pancakes. “Errrgggh…Goofball? We don’t all eat like you and Chris.”

“That’s okay!” Pinkie said cheerfully as she pushed a mop through the kitchen. “I don’t mind your yummy leftovers.”

Dan glanced over at the microwave clock and frowned, “I better get going, I have a ton of baking to do…” He got up from his chair.

Pinkie sat her mop down and trotted over to Dan, leaning up on her back legs again and wrapping her arms around him.

Dan smiled and returned the affection.

“I’ll miss you…” Pinkie said.

“I’ll miss you, too…” Dan replied. “…You know, I can always…”

“No,” Pinkie interrupted.

Dan sighed, “Alright, goofball. Have it your way.”

The couple parted, Pinkie lowering herself back onto all four hooves.

“Hey, goofball?” Dan said.

“Yes, bestest boyfriend in the whole wide universe?” Pinkie replied sweetly.

Dan lowered himself to Pinkie’s level and quickly placed his face right against hers.

“GET…”

“…SOME…”

“…REST!” Dan demanded.

Pinkie tittered nervously and scotched back a half step. “…Well, Twilight…”

“Too Purple won’t even be awake for a several more hours!” Dan replied. “I bet tallest horse isn’t even up yet…”

Pinkie sighed and glanced out the window.

Well, it’s still dark here. Dan’s probably right. Celestia likely hasn’t even begun to rise the sun yet, if she’s awake.

Pinkie turned back to Dan, “Alright, Dan.”

Dan softened his expression and nodded. “Oh, goofball? One more thing…”

“Yes, Dan?”

Dan leaned forward and planted a quick peck on Pinkie’s lips.

Pinkie’s eye’s widened at the affection. She slowly transformed her surprised look into a smile.

“Try not to burn down the apartment while I’m away, okay?” Dan requested.

Pinkie nodded, “Of course, Dan!”

Dan stood back up to his feet and headed for the door. He ran his wrist over his mouth, getting the pink fur off of it.

“I love you, Dan!”

Dan glanced at Pinkie, “I love you, too.” He said warmly.

“Have fun at work!” Pinkie called out.

Dan opened the door and sighed, “I won’t…” He glanced over his shoulder. “Try not to freak out too much about being a pony again, alright?”

“Uh-huh!” Pinkie nodded.

Dan exited the apartment and closed the door behind him.

Pinkie let out a sigh, “…I won’t…”