Author's Notes:

Revised edition. With special continual thanks to MythrilMoth for his pile of corrections.

The original chapter had song lyrics that have since been removed as per the rules.

The version with lyrics can be found here.

The Wheel and the Butterfly

A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga

Part 4 Dan Vs. Roommate

Chapter 25 Pinkie Vs. Casual Fridays

Pinkie washed the last of the dishes as Dan collapsed on the couch. The two had eaten their fill of meat and even had leftovers that were put away.

So Operation Meatocalypse was more like a rapture…that’s okay. There’s no way Pinkie will like what’s coming next.

Pinkie sat down next to Dan and gave her roommate a smile. “So,” she began, “we still have most the day. What do you want to do next?”

The hints of a grin began to emerge at the corners of Dan’s mouth.

She’s walking right into it…

“Casual Friday,” Dan explained casually.

Pinkie raised an eyebrow. “It’s Thursday,” she answered, followed by looking up to the ceiling and rubbing her chin. “Or is it?”

Dan raised an index finger. “Casual Friday is not bound by the common Gregorian calendar. It is a state of being that surpasses the known laws of time and space.”

“Ooh, ooh! Sounds like fun! What do we do?”

Dan’s evil grin returned. He held up an index finger. “Well first,” Dan explained, “the Lords of Casual Fridays shun clothing.” Dan announced dramatically, followed by him taking off his t-shirt, shoes, socks, and jeans. Soon he was clothed in nothing but his white with red stripes boxers and a giant toothy, evil grin.

Pinkie stared at him blankly. “So we strip down to our underwear?”

Dan’s grin stretched to the limits of what his face would allow. “Yep.”

Pinkie paused and processed this. “…Okay,” she replied with a smile and a shrug.

Dan’s evil grin reported dead after throwing itself out a five story window. It was thirty seconds old and was born when Dan thought stripping to his boxers and lounging around the apartment would somehow faze someone who spent the vast majority of her life not wearing clothes at all. It is survived by his worried, shocked expression that continues on to watch his roommate unlace her boots, take off her socks, and begin to lift her shirt up.

“Wait!” Dan cried. “I like that outfit.”

Pinkie stopped. “I thought you hated this one.”

“Uhhh… I changed my mind?” He said weakly. “It’s the one you were wearing when you first got here…it makes me nostalgic.”

Good save, me.

A+

“Awww, that’s sweet.” Pinkie replied with a warm smile. “Especially since it managed to survive the cupcake you somehow exploded all over my clothes…” Pinkie paused and thought a second, “But I don’t want to upset these Lords of Casual Fridays, so…”

Nervousness joined shock and worry on Dan’s face and the trio proceeded to throw a party quickly joined by perspiration as Pinkie removed her shirt, undid the purple sash round her waist, and slid down her skirt, kicking it off into a pile of clothing from the two couch occupants.

Dan gulped as he looked over his roommate’s body, now clad only in a frilly pink bra and equally frilly pink panties. He had thought the fact that she was a girl meant she wouldn’t even consider this option; now the fact that she was a girl, and a full figured, attractive one at that, was working very much against him and rational thought was quickly becoming little more than a faint memory.

Pinkie turned her almost completely bare back to Dan, “Would you undo my bra for me?” She asked. “I still have trouble with the clasps.” She explained.

Color drained from Dan’s face as a tiny version of him with three sets of bat-wings, three sets of small horns adorning the sides of his upper forehead, and a black crown that appeared to be made of flaming coal that hovered a few inches off his head, appeared on his shoulder in a puff of black smoke that smelt of brimstone. “DO IT!” He said with an enthusiastic smile of pure devilish delight. “If you play your cards right, you can probably get her naked.”

A second puff of smoke appeared. This time grey, though still smelling faintly of brimstone. Instead of an angelic version, or even slightly less evil version of Dan, a tiny version of Elise clad in her black ninja robes and red scarf stood. Though she, too, sported a single pair of bat wings and horns.

“Oh, COME ON!” Dan shouted at the tiny Elise. “Don’t I have to deal with regular Elise enough?!”

The tiny devil Elise glowered at him. “Don’t look at me. Your slightly less evil conscious got the drop on me and took over my position!”

“Oh well…I guess as long as I’m still tormenting her in some form, that’s okay,” Dan replied wistfully.

“Anyways,” Evil Elise continued, “if you take off that bra and Elise finds out about it, she’ll totally emasculate you with her sword. And yes, I did mean ‘emasculate’.”

Pinkie puffed out her lower lip as she began to pout. “Awww…but it’s soooo tight and constricting!” she whined.

The trio turned back face her, surprise written like an epic trilogy across their collective faces.

“She can see us?!” Really Evil Dan exclaimed.

“Sure I can see you!” Pinkie said with a smile. “Everypony…and everyone too, seems to have a couple of you guys! It’s fun! It’s like everybody is a walking party!”

“Uh, do you have a couple as well?” Dan asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Of course!” Pinkie motioned to her shoulders.

A, pink, bubbly pony with a curly pink mane and tail bounded in a circle on one of Pinkies shoulders, it chanted “Fun! Fun! Fun!” over and over again ad nauseam.

A second pony with straight hair, holding a chef’s knife in a hoof, was on the second shoulder. It may have very well have been pink, but it was impossible to tell as it appeared to be completely drenched in blood that dripped off of it in large, viscous ‘plops’. “His soft underbelly is exposed.” The pony thrust its knife into the air, then made a series of stabbing motions. “Go for the kill! Eviscerate him and bake his organs into cupcakes!” it ordered. “If you miss the vital ones, you may even get to make him watch as you do it before he dies!” it said with a malevolent grin.

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.” The tiny pink pony responded. “You should throw everyone a huge, ginormous, awesome, gargantuan party instead!”

“A murder party! Yesssss…” The blood soaked pony replied. “Do it! Let’s bake them all!”

“Uhhh…I can’t see them,” Dan replied.

Real Evil Dan stared across the small expanse at the couple of consciences sitting and bouncing on Pinkie’s bare shoulders. His expression betrayed a sense of dread and fear. “Believe me buddy, you’re better off.”

Evil Elise chimed in, “Yeah…I’m with RED on this.”

RED threw up his hands. “Sorry, pal. You’re on your own here. Forgive the Bible reference, but I’m washing my hands of this one.”

“I’m outie, too,” Evil Elise added. “Just remember what I said about the sword. Hey, RED. Why don’t you and I head to Lucifer’s and drink until we can’t remember today.”

“Sounds like a plan, E.E. first round’s on you.”

E.E. shrugged and rolled her eyes. “It always is.”

In a puff of smoke, the two were gone.

“That’s okay! You still have the big one! I bet he has dozens of cupcakes’ worth of organs in him!”

“Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun!”

Pinkie waved her hands over her shoulders, causing the two ponies to disappear in a pink and red puff of smoke. “Shoo! Shoo! You two aren’t helping!”

Dan just stared at his roommate, completely unsure of what to do at this point.

“So uhh…I have to keep my bra on?” Pinkie asked.

Dan considered E.E.’s words and mustered the last of his will. “Erm…yes…The Lords of Casual Fridays require that bras must remain on…”

Pinkie’s face fell into disappointment. “Awww, sexist jerks. What is it with all these stupid rules your society has?” She added. “It’s always, ‘Pinkie, keep your clothes on!’ or ‘No dancing at the paraplegic support group’ and ‘Ma’am, it’s not legal to mail a box full of whipped cream.’”

“I hear ya…” Dan replied. “But Casual Fridays is a sacred event that has existed for decades. Literal decades,” he stressed.

Pinkie sighed, but her face immediately rebounded to its default, happy self. “Okay, what’s next?” Pinkie asked excitedly.

Dan finally remembered he had a phase three. “Oh, uh…we play music.”

Pinkie’s grin widened. “Sounds like a blast! I love music!”

Dan managed to resurrect his grin from the dead. “Oh, it’ll be a blast alright…”

He walked over to his CD player, made sure the volume was set to max, and hit ‘play’.

The room was immediately filled with the sound of electric guitars and drums. The entire apartment shook with the sound, and even the windows vibrated.

Dan examined his roommate carefully.

Pinkie’s face went completely blank. Slowly her pupils began to dilate.

--“♫”
Pinkie stood up.

--“♫”
The hints of a smile appeared on her face.

--“♫”
The hints turned to clues as her mouth widened.

--“♫”
Pinkie beamed from ear to ear.

--“♫” --“♫”
“DAN! THIS IS THE BEST MUSIC IN THE HISTORY OF FOREVER!” Pinkie shouted over the stereo.

--“♫”
“WHAT?!” Dan replied, unsure if he had misheard her or if was hearing another plan end in a giant, world consuming, fiery, punk explosion.

--“♫”

--“♫”
“I LOVE IT!” Pinkie declared.

--“♫”
“Umm… good…” Dan replied, unsure if he should be elated that his roommate loved the Ramones or that his plan was a smoldering pile of ashes at this point.

Pinkie bounded up to her roomie, “Dance with me?” She asked, cupping her hands together next to her cheek and shrinking down so she was looking up at Dan with big, blue, hopeful eyes.

--“♫”
Dan looked down at her and swallowed; Pinkie’s usual, modest attire normally blocked his view from what he was looking at now.

--“♫”
Dan’s resolved was obliterated as two bombshells collided with it and exploded.

--“♫”
Well…a couple songs couldn’t hurt… Dan thought.

--“♫”
Dan smiled, raised his forearms, and began shifting in rhythm to the song. “Sure, Pinkie.”

Pinkie, likewise, raised her hands, and began shifting back in forth in rhythm to the song, an incredibly happy and content smile plastered on her face.

--“♫”

Dan paused from his dancing as he noticed phone light up on the crate that served as a makeshift coffee table. The phone displayed ‘Chris’ over the green ‘Answer’ and red ‘Ignore’ buttons. He walked over and pressed the green button. “Hey, Chris!”

--“♫”
“Dan? What’s going on? I can barely hear you.”

--“♫”
Dan turned to Pinkie with a sheepish grin and motioned for her to turn the volume down on the CD player.

--“♫”

--“♫”
Pinkie ceased dancing to nod with a smile and complied, continuing her dancing when she finished.

--“♫”

--“♫”
“Better?” Dan asked.

“Much,” Chris answered. “Just wanted to know how the scheme was going.”

“Great! Pinkie and have been dancing to the Ramones for the last half an hour almost.”

--“♫”

--“♫”
“…That sounds like the opposite of ‘great’,” Chris responded.

--“♫”
“Wait…what was my ‘criterion’ for great again?” Dan asked, searching the ceiling as if it had the answer.

--“♫”

--“♫”
“You were trying to get Pinkie to want to move out.”

--“♫”

--“♫”
Dan paused. “... Oh, right…”

--“♫”
“… yeah, I don’t care about that anymore.”
The CD transitioned from the end of I Don’t Want To Walk Around With You to Today Your Love, Tomorrow The World.

--“1, 2, 3, 4”
“Wait? Seriously?” Chris asked in a shocked tone.

“Are you kidding? I haven’t had this much fun in…possibly ever.” Dan admitted, surprising himself as much as anyone.

Pinkie bounded up. “Is that Chris?”

Dan nodded.

“Ask him if he and Elise can make it for dinner!” Pinkie instructed. “Tell them we’re having meat.”

“Did she just say meat?!” Chris asked excitedly.

“Yep, Chris. Bacon and beef,” Dan replied.

Chris made a giddy hungry sound, “I’ll ask. I’ll ask right now!”

There was beep as Chris terminated the call.

“So,” Pinkie began. “Meatloaf?”

A mischievous grin spread across Dan’s face. “I’ll have to get more hot sauce.”

Pinkie smiled. “Naturally.”

Tears streamed down Elise’s face as she took another bite of meatloaf. Her face was bright red, and every bite was a labor of endurance.

Chris seemed to have an easier time eating the meat, though his eyes were similarly watery, and face similarly red.

Dan grinned evilly at the couple, seemingly suffering no ill effects from the meal.

Likewise, Pinkie happily devoured her portion.

“So…cough…Casual Friday?” Elise asked, attempting to give Dan a death glare, but succeeding in something closer to an angry, red faced frown behind tears.

Pinkie nodded her head up and down. “It was a blast! We danced to the Ramones for hours!”

“See, she had fun!” A tiny version of Elise in white robes with a halo hovering a few inches above her head said, standing on one of Elise’s shoulders. “I think you should really let this one go!” It added, patting the side of Elise’s head.

“Yeah!” A tiny version of Dan with a set of bat wings and devil horns responded, “He’s a stand-up guy!” He said with a grin full of pointed teeth.

I hate my consciences so much!

Pinkie smiled at Elise. “Don’t worry. I kept my bra on,” she informed.

Elise raised an eyebrow. “That’s a…cough… rather specific admission…”

“A little devil told me it was important to you,” Pinkie replied, pointing at Elise with her fork.

Elise blinked a few times. I never know what to do when she gets weird like this…oh well…I guess she enjoyed herself and Dan didn’t take advantage of things too much…

Pinkie looked over to Dan and frowned. “Dan, you haven’t touched your salad.”

“Eh…I’m full,” he replied.

“Dan,” Pinkie said in a maternal tone, “you know you need to eat your veggies.”

“But they’re icky!” Dan whined.

Pinkie passed Dan a bottle of habanero hot sauce.

Dan sighed and drenched his salad in the bright orange sauce, and took a bite.

Chris’s and Elise’s jaws dropped.

“Dan,” Chris said, “are you actually eating vegetables?!”

Dan frowned. “What! I can’t taste them over the hot sauce. It’s fine!”

Pinkie smiled to herself proudly.

“I can’t believe you did it, but you did it, Pinkie!” Elise said. “And to think he was trying to get you to move out this morning.”

You could hear a pin drop. For several agonizingly quiet moments no one said anything as Pinkie’s happy expression suddenly went dark.

Pinkie wordlessly pushed her folding chair back from the makeshift table and stood up.

“Pinkie!” Dan pleaded, “Wait, I…”

With tears forming in her eyes, Pinkie leaped for the door a few feet away, opened it, and sprinted away.

Elise’s heart pounded in her chest as Dan shot her a death glare, the first successful of such from the group this evening.

Dan stood up and walked to the open door. He turned to Elise, rage and anger slowly creeping into his features.

With a huff, he uttered a sarcastic “Thanks, Elise,” and ran out the door.

“Oh, what the heck!” Chris exclaimed.

Elise turned to her husband. “I’m sorry! I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“He never thanks me!”

“Chris! This is serious!”

Chris stopped and thought about the situation. Gee, I really wish I knew what to do here.

A tiny angel and tiny devil version of Chris appeared on either shoulder.

“Keep eating!” Evil Chris ordered. “Food will fill the void in your soul.”

“Yes,” Angelic Chris added, “It would be a sin to waste such delectable morsels.”

I love my consciences so much! Chris thought to himself.

Dan ran through the streets of Van Nuys, his breath labored, his muscles burning. The sun had already sank below the horizon and the street lights of the city had begun to flicker to life. Despite the pains and aches of his body, Dan’s concern for Pinkie’s safety was overriding his desire to slow down and catch his breath.

“Pinkie!” He called out in a hoarse voice, rounding another corner.

He heard a tiny whimper and looked up to see a pink mass of curly hair slumped against a telephone pole.

He attempted to catch his breath as he walked up. A street light lit up as he approached. He noticed Pinkie sitting with her knees pulled up, face planted against her legs, and arms clutching her legs, under the same ‘Bob the Angry Flower’ flyer he had stapled the night he met Pinkie. Though, the weather had taken its toll and it was now a water damaged, sun bleached, faded flyer.

Dan sat down next to Pinkie, “Really? The same place you nearly got mugged? You’re like a butterfly to flame.”

Pinkie looked up and wiped a layer of tears and snot away from her face with the back of her hand. “Moth. You mean moth…”

Dan allowed himself a small smile. “I like my version better.”

The two sat in silence for a bit.

“Dan...?” Pinkie began, “… I’ll move out if that’s what you want… it’s just… what do I have to do for you to like me?”

Dan shrugged. “You can start by punching Elise in her big mouth.”

Pinkie shook her head. “I can’t do it.”

“Sorry,” Dan said with a chuckle, “I know you don’t really like violence…”

“No, I mean… Elise is like some sort of super-spy ninja. She’d stop me before I even got close to her face…” Pinkie explained.

“Heh.”

The two went silent once more.

Dan broke the silence this time. “Pinkie… I… what I mean is…”—Dan took a deep breath—“I’ve spent my whole life trying to stay away from other people. For the longest time, that apartment... and all the ones before it I got kicked out of, have been my safe haven from everything in the world. I never thought I’d have a roommate, especially not one who wanted to be my friend. I guess… I guess I felt threatened. Like you were trying to take the one piece of me that was safe from others… But…”

Pinkie turned to look at Dan, her big, sky-blue eyes finding his emerald ones in the glow of the streetlight.

Dan met her gaze, stood up, and held out his hand. “Today I realized that I didn’t have to fight you. I didn’t want to fight you.”

Pinkie grabbed Dan’s hand as he brought her up to her feet.

“You make me really happy,” Dan admitted.

Tears began to reemerge behind Pinkie’s eyes.

“…And…I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who’s made me happy… so…”

Dan paused.

“Stay with me, please?” Dan asked with a hopeful smile.

Dan felt himself be enveloped as Pinkie embraced him and began sobbing into his shoulder.

Dan returned the embrace. “There, there, crybaby…”

After some time, Pinkie composed herself. Still holding Dan, she raised her head and whispered into Dan’s ear, “Thanks for not making me have to put on the beekeepers outfit.”

“Uhhh…sure.” Dan replied.

The two parted and began walking back towards the apartment.

“Although,” Dan began, “A beekeepers outfit could come in handy.”

Pinkie grinned, “I even got a small one for Mr. Mumbles in case you decided to attack the apartment.”

“Awwww! That sounds adorable!” Dan responded. “Okay, now I’m kinda sorry I didn’t try to drive you out with bees.”

“Tell you what. I’ll pick up one for you tomorrow. Oh! Can we have hamburgers?”

“Sure, Pinkie,” Dan responded with a smile.

“And do Casual Friday again?” Pinkie asked with a huge grin.

“I’d love to.”

Pinkie’s smile dropped a little. “And erm… you’ll take a shower?”

Dan sighed. “Fine.”

“And brush your teeth?”

“Fine.”

“And at least eat some fruit or vegetables..?”

Dan paused.

“…fine.” he huffed out quietly.

“Yay!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Hey Dan?”

“What?!” Dan replied irritably.

Dan felt something moist press against his cheek as Pinkie’s arms looped around his. “You make me really happy, too,” she whispered into his ear.

Dan’s heart skipped a beat and his face flushed.

Pinkie leaned and closer and rested her head against his.

“Do you think Chris left anything to eat?” Pinkie asked.

“Heh, after this long? We’ll be lucky if there’s even anything left in the fridge.”

Slowly, the apartment door opened, revealing Dan and Pinkie Pie.

“Dan!” Elise exclaimed. “You found her. Dan, I’m so sorry!”

“It’s okay Elise, we worked it out,” Dan replied.

“No Dan, it’s not okay. Look, you have to punch me in the fa…”

Dan had shifted his weight on ‘punch’ and hit Elise before she even finished ‘face’.

Elise stumbled back a little and caught herself. She smiled at Dan as she rubbed her cheek. “Nice thrust.”

“Thanks.”

“We cool?” Elise asked.

Dan held out a hand, palm up, which Elise gave a hard slap to.

“We cool,” Dan answered.

“You two have the most strangest, violentest friendship I’ve ever seen,” Pinkie stated.

“I know, it’s weird, right?” Chris asked rhetorically.

“I don’t know. I think it’s kinda sweet,” Pinkie replied.

Chris’s face dropped. Partially from what Pinkie said, but mostly because it felt like his insides were on fire. “Oh dear…” He uttered as his stomach made audible churning noises.

Dan crinkled his brow at Chris. “Chris, how much meatloaf and bacon did you eat?”

“Ummm…all of it?” Chris offered with a nervous grin.

“There was like…an entire bottle of habanero sauce in that meatloaf. And even the bacon was drenched in the stuff…” Dan replied.

“But it was soooo good!” Chris whined.

Pinkie looked at Dan and shrugged. “It was really, really, really, good.”

“Um, Chris?” Elise began. “Maybe I should get you home…or to the emergency room…”

“Awww, can’t you two stay for dessert?”

Elise smiled. “I really think I need to get him home…”

“I understand,” Pinkie said. “Next time.”

“But…but…dessert,” Chris moaned, standing up, but slumping onto his wife for support.

Elise draped one of the large man’s arm around her shoulders, “Don’t do anything stupid, you two.”

Dan smiled. “You know us.”

Elise maintained her smile as she rolled her eyes. “Unfortunately, I do…Come on Chris.” She made her way to the door, dragging Chris with her.

“But…but…” Chris reached out into the apartment as Elise dragged him away.

Pinkie quickly opened the fridge, nabbed something from it, and placed a rainbow colored cupcake into Chris’s outstretched hand.

Chris gave a weak “Yaaaaaaaaay…” as Elise dragged him off.

Pinkie poked her head out after them and called, “Bye-byeeee!” with a wave. She leaned back into the apartment and shut the door.

“So…what now?” she asked.

Dan thought for a second. “I still have a huge pile of punk CDs we can listen to,” he said as he walked over to the stereo.

Pinkie’s shirt was off her body and on the floor in a matter of seconds. “Let’s rock.”

Dan chuckled to himself with a smile, and hit play on the CD player.

Tomorrow is going to be another beautiful day. He thought to himself for perhaps the first time in his life.

“Hey ho, let's go”

“hey ho, let's go”

“hey ho, let's go”

“hey ho, let's go”

Blitzkrieg Bop and I Don’t Want To Walk Around With You lyrics written by Joey Ramone, Dee Dee Ramone, Tommy Ramone, Johnny Ramone
Copyright: Sire Records