Chapter 9

Being dragged through the streets by a pissed-off princess should be new to me. Unfortunately, it’s not. I just kind of sighed and sat back as Cadence’s levitation spell floated me through the air unceremoniously while she stomped through town. Stopping every once in a while to interrogate unwary passerby, she finally tracked down the house of Time Turner.

Which shouldn’t be hard. His front window has his cutie mark on it. Which is a damn hourglass. Why is this shit so hard for ponies to understand? But I digress. She got up to the front door and knocked rather loudly on it. “Time Turner!” she bellowed.

There was silence for a moment. Then a window above us creaked open, and Turner poked his head out. “What the hell do you OH DEAR LUNA IT’S YOU,” he exclaimed, quickly closing the window and running down the stairs.

Cadence looked ready to knock furiously again when the door swung open. She had to stop herself bashing Turner’s head in. Which I get the feeling isn’t new to a guy like him. Just an impression I get. “Where’s My Twily?!” she growled at him, her eyes small and narrowed.

Before he could open his mouth, however, a familiar female voice called out behind him. “Cadence? What are you doing here?”

The Princess of Love dropped me and pushed Turner out of the way as she ran up to Twilight. “You’re ok, aren’t you?” she asked with all the motherly concern in the world. “Come on, lets leave these boys to their... whatever they call it. We’re going to have a word with Aunt Luna.”

Twilight shook off the hoof that Cadence was using to push her through the door. “Caddy, please. I’m fine. Turner’s been a gentlecolt.”

“A gentlecolt? Ha! I heard about all the weird rumors these boys are passing around-”

“You mean the naked thing?” Twilight asked, raising an eyebrow and cutting Cadence off mid-rant. “Please. That’s no big deal. So a few guys stare at our flanks all day. How is that any different than normal life?”

Cadence still looked incensed. “But all these perverted thoughts are driving me crazy! There’s got to be something we could do about it!”

Twilight’s raised left eyebrow traded places with the right. “So what were you gonna do? Wipe everypony’s brains so they forgot all about it?”

For the first time since she showed up at the Library this morning, Cadence looked embarrassed. “Well...”

Twilight’s eyes widened, then she facehoofed. “Oh, Cadence, no... there’s better ways to do it.”

The older mare’s face took on an expression that could only be described as infantile. “But it’s ickyyyyyyyy!” she whined, sounding almost like Rarity.

Twilight leveled a blank expression at her ex-foalsitter. “Look, let’s go talk to Luna, ok? Just... don’t brainwash anypony. At all. Ever. It’s creepy.”

Cadence looked severely put-out, but conceded. She glared at Time Turner, who, like me, had decided to shut the fuck up the whole time. Dismissing him with a huff, she walked out, and a rather apologetic Twilight walked after her. “Sorry guys. Spike, you should probably come with us. Turner?”

“Hmm?” he asked from his position at the side of the room.

“...I’ll see you later, ok?” a light blush tinged her cheeks as she walked out.

I stayed behind for a moment, just long enough to hoof-bump Turner, and followed my boss out the door.

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Making the trip to Rarity’s house (like I’d done a million fucking times), seemed to take longer than I was used to. Mostly because Cadence kept glaring at me and Twilight rolled her eyes every five minutes. It was going to be a long day.

I wasn’t even aware we were there until I heard Twilight knock on the door. Rarity’s usual greeting (“Just a minute~”) echoed through the portal as a small chime indicated the door had opened. “Oh, Twilight! And Cadence! Well, it’s just Princess Day, isn’t it?” she asked sweetly. She ushered us all in, where I saw Luna standing on the platform surrounded by mirrors, and a bat pony mare sitting off to the side in a denim jacket and shorts. It was a decent look for her, I gotta admit.

“Ah, Twilight! It is good to see thee!” Luna’s voice carried around the room in her typical loud fashion, at which point literally every mare in the room gave her a look. “Oh... sorry. Yes, it is good to see you,” she reiterated, in a much quieter tone.

Twilight nodded and smiled. “It’s nice to see you too, Luna. Listen, it seems we have a bit of a problem-”

“Everypony’s being a pervert, Luna!” Cadence yelled, interrupting Twilight. Luna raised an eyebrow as Twilight took a step back from the emotional mare.

Luna considered the statement, and a lightbulb seemed to go off in her head. “Ah! Yes, the... nakedness issue. I am... aware of it.”

Rarity looked between the two of them, rather confused. She leaned over to the bat pony mare and asked in a hushed voice, “What are they talking about?”

Oh, boy. I flinched a little as the bat mare whispered a rather long explanation into her ear, while Luna and Cadence spoke back and forth about the issue. By the time she was done, Rarity’s expression was one of deep consideration. “Well, hmm. I can understand that being an issue for many a pony, but... OOH!” she cried, suddenly hopping up and down.

“What?” Luna, Cadence, and Twilight asked, all at once.

Rarity seemed to shake with excitement. “Ooh, just think of all the mares coming to me for clothes! Oh, this is wonderful!”

Cadene did a double-take. “Wonderful! You think this debasing meme that this... dragon,” she all but spat, pointing a hoof at me, “has been spreading around is wonderful? You’re just looking to profiteer off of their uncertainty!”

But Rarity got as far as “Spike did it” before she tuned the rest out. She bum-rushed me, giving me a huge hug and lifting me off the ground. “Oh, Spikey-Wikey, this is great! You’ve done me such a huge favor!” She punctuated the statement with a kiss on my cheek, and I was like, ’Hell yeah.'

Cadence’s voice went from loud and shrill to low and angry. “You do realize you’re naked too, right Rarity?”

Rarity put me down, considered Cadence for a moment, and scoffed. “But of course! I’m a fashionista! I’ve been aware of this social curiosity for years! Just ask anypony, I even ask] the men to leave the room when I’m changing clothes.”

Twilight shook her head. “Which has never made any sense to me, honestly.”

Rarity waved a dismissive hoof in Twilight’s direction. “Oh, darling, it’d take too long to explain. The important thing here is that I believe Miss Cadenza here is blowing this rather out of proportion! Even Princess Luna, who I know can deduce has been aware of this problem from the start, is simply opting to get a new wardrobe! You should just try that, my dear!” Rarity offered, going over to a rack of dresses and leafing through for options.

Cadence looked around her, and her expression fell. “You’re not... this isn’t a big deal to you?” she asked everypony.

The bat mare spoke up. “It was at first. Mainly because EW. But I got some clothes on, and now I don’t need to think about it. Hay, I can just get some new armor fitted and I’ll be fine.”

Luna nodded. “Yes, indeed. It is something that, I’ll admit, worried me at first, and I did seem to overreact a bit.”

“A bit?” the batpony asked.

Luna blushed and smiled sheepishly. “Ok, more than a bit. But I still got over it, in time. Although I am getting some new clothes in case I have any more... issues,” she added, sparing me a glance. I shrugged.

“I’m totally fine with it,” I said, offering my two bits. The mares in the room all gave me disapproving glances. “What? I’m naked all the time, too.”

Twilight snickered a bit. “Spike’s right. And besides, I’m pretty sure this silly meme thing got me laid.”

Everypony but the as-of-yet-identified bat mare and I gasped and dropped their jaws. Before anypony could get a word in edgewise, however, a tomboyish voice called out from the window, “Me too!”

I turned out of morbid curiosity to see Derpy sitting in the window sill, and heard the chime of the door go off as the stallion from this morning walked in and nodded. “Ma’am,” he said simply. Then he looked around. “Ma’ams.”

The bat mare gave him a look, and flew over to give him a playful punch in the shoulder. “You animal.”

Cadence looked around the room, defeated, and just barked, “I give up! You all are weirdos. I’m going back to the Crystal Empire where nopony talks about being naked all the time.”

I couldn’t help myself. As she walked out the door, and down the path back into town, I called out: “You remember you’re naked, too, right?!”

There was a stunned silence around the room, until the slow steps of Cadence returning could be heard, followed by her reentering the room. She gave me a glare, and then looked to Rarity. “You don’t happen to have anything in a size three, do you?

Author's Notes:

Let me get one thing straight: I didn't want to write this. In fact, I actually like it less than the other ending.

See my thoughts here[/url about this whole scenario.

But I'm tired of getting comments about how upset you are.