Friday, February 15th

I slowly blinked my eyes open the next morning. It was still only slightly light outside. I had woken up really early. I braced myself for one of the legendary headaches I’d heard about, but nothing happened. I kept waiting, determined not to be surprised by the sudden pain I knew was coming. It never showed up. I was puzzled for a moment, until I remembered how Twilight had walked downstairs totally hangover free after the New Year’s party. I did however feel a little pressure on my chest. Without even looking up, I knew Twilight was laying on me

“You awake?” I asked quietly. She didn’t respond. I inhaled peacefully. Then there was knocking at the front door. ”Who the fuck would be here this early?” I gently eased Twilight’s sleeping form off of my chest and placed her on my bed. She whined a little in her sleep, but didn’t wake up. I started walking to the door, but then I realized something. Due to the amount of alcohol I had consumed, I REALLY had to pee. I darted into the bathroom and rushed to finish as fast as I could. There were louder knocks coming from the door now, whoever was waiting wasn’t very patient. I finished using the bathroom, flushed, then sprinted downstairs and threw the door open.

“Hiya Sharky! You ready for our day?” RD asked with a huge smile. I frowned at her.

“I’m dating Twi this week...”

“Yeah, but ya promised to spend the whole day with me today! Remember?” RD’s devilish smile grew.

“... That’s a rotten trick... I approve of your intelligent move. Twilight’s gonna kill me though...”

“Ooh, yeah. Forgot about that... Well, I’m sure you can handle her!”

“Great... come with me...”

“I’d rather not.”

“Yeah, well this is your fault, so get your flank in here.” RD grudgingly stepped into the library. I scooped her up and carried her upstairs. More to keep her from running away than to make her happy, but she seemed to enjoy being carried. We got to Twilight in just seconds, and I shook her gently. She slowly woke up and frowned at me.

“You. What did you mean?” Twilight asked. I gave her a blank stare.

“Mean when what?”

“Last night. You said you hurt yourself to avoid being sexed up by Luna.” I thought back for a moment and realized with a small shock that I remembered everything that had happened last night. I guess a lot of drunk rules didn’t apply when you had pony magic.

“LUNA WHAT?!” RD shrieked.

“Oh yeah, that. Luna was really drunk and tried to rape me. Then she tried to use the oath to make me have sex with her, but I smacked my head against a Moon Tomato and started bleeding a lot. She snapped out of it, apologized a lot, then sent me back. End of story.”

“She only did it because she was drunk?” Twilight asked.

“Yeah.”

“... Then whatever. If she was just really drunk than I can excuse it. It’s not like she’s trying to steal you away.” Twilight rolled off the bed and stretched languidly.

“What?! No you can’t! What she did was messed up!” RD screeched.

“Look, I’m mad too, but it’s not like there’s anything we can do. She was drunk, and it already happened. She’s probably gonna hide in her room for a month from pure embarrassment.”

“I don’t care! She can’t just do something like that and get away with it!”

“Well, how do you plan on keeping the past from happening?” I interrupted. RD opened and closed her mouth angrily a few times, but gave up and grumbled to herself moodily. “By the way, very nice way to handle it Twi. I’m glad you didn’t freak out.”

“I’m very good at not freaking out. A nice quality in a marefriend, right?” I rolled my eyes.

“Yes, fair enough. Good job Twilight.” She smiled at me and nodded happily. RD facehoofed as if upset that she hadn’t thought of not freaking out first.

“Thank you! Now, I’ve got our whole day planned...” Twilight levitated a rather large stack of cards from next to her bed. She started flipping through them. “Ok, first we’re gonna--”

“Actually Twilight, I’ve got a small problem.” Twilight lowered the cards and already had a frown on her face.

“No! No problems! I didn’t make room in the schedule for any problems!”

“Well, unfortunately I have one. You see, before you girls went all truth happy and decided to split me four ways for a few weeks, I made a promise to spend today with RD.”

“But it’s my week! She can’t do that! Just change the day to one in her week!”

“He can’t! I made him Pinkie Promise for today!” RD grinned triumphantly. Twilight’s eyebrow twitched a few times.

“Of course!” Twilight’s face was rapidly overtaken by a huge, overly fake smile. “It’s good for a coltfriend to hang out with his friends every once in awhile! I, being a good marefriend, won’t have a problem with it!”

“... You sure?” I asked timidly. Her eyebrow was still twitching. She nodded quickly with a crazy forced smile. I decided to run away while I still could. “Well, good on ya for being so calm. RD, let’s run.” I took off as fast as I could out of the bedroom. The sound of grinding teeth helping to spur me on. I didn’t stop running until I was in the town square.

“Whoa, what are you running from dude?” RD asked from my arms.

“Pure rage RD, pure rage.” I quoted. RD gave me a confused look.

“Whaddya mean? She said she wasn’t gonna be mad.”

“She is a dirty liar. I’m slightly afraid to go to sleep tonight.”

“You could always sleep at my house...”

“Nice try, but we’re spending the day together as friends! Technically Twilight is my marefriend right now.”

“Well, friends have sleepovers. Besides, you promised me the WHOLE day. You should be happy I decided not to come by and toss you out of bed!”

“If you could even move me...” I mumbled quietly. RD didn’t hear me. I looked around a little to see where we were more specifically. It looked like we were in the middle of the market. I saw large groups of ponies staring at me. I suddenly realized that only two months ago, those stares had been ones of fear and curiosity. Now they were admiration and appreciation. It reminded me again of how I didn’t really deserve it. I thought back to the body of that stallion that had sacrificed himself for his son back in Stalliongrad. He was a hero. RD seemed to sense my sudden sadness.

“Hey, what’s up?” She asked with concern. I shook my head.

“Nothing, nothing. So, what do you wanna do today?”

“Well, Gilda wants to see you soon, but that’s pretty much the only thing we need to do. After that we just wander around and hang out I guess.”

“I’m ok with wandering. It’s better than you trying to plan something romantic on Twilight’s day.”

“... Yeah, totally didn’t.”

“... I will leave.”

“No you won’t! You Pinkie Promised!” Pinkie Pie popped up from behind a nearby stall and gave me an evil stare. I sighed heavily.

“Fine. Doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it though. Now, where’s Gilda?”

“She’s waiting at my house. We’ll have to be close for a little while in order to get there...”

“Fuck.”

“Not yeeeet...” RD whispered.

“... What?”

“Nothing! Anyway, let’s look around since we’re at the market. I might wanna buy something.”

“Okay, if you insist.” I started to lower her to the ground.

“Hey hey! I didn’t say I wanted you to stop carrying me!” With that, I let my arms drop to the side and she fell to the ground roughly. She was only a foot off the ground at the time, but her surprised expression was pretty funny.

“Not your day buddy, you can walk.” RD snorted and flapped herself up off the ground and hovered by my shoulder. “Or fly, I guess.”

“Ya know, you aren’t very nice today.”

“Neither was you stealing Twilight’s day! Now, let’s see what we can find here...” I started to look around the stands as I reached a hand down to my side to reach for my coin pouch. “Wait a minute... I didn’t grab any mo--” My hand made contact with a pouch. I curiously untied it from my hip and lifted it up. It looked ready to burst and there was a small note attached to the tie strings.

Dear Sharky,

Here is 1/26 of the pay from your last mission. I’m hoping to get this to you while you’re distracted, because I know you’ll fight it if I don’t.

With love,

Luna

“That sneaky little punk. I will get her for that later.”

“What happened?” RD asked curiously. I crumpled up the note and threw it away.

“Luna snuck more money into my pouch while I was drunk...” I grumbled unhappily. RD’s frowned in confusion.

“Sooo... getting money is a bad thing?”

“Yes.”

“But w--”

“Don’t ask, just accept the fact that I don’t like it.”

“Okaaayyy... Well, there’s always been this one thing I wanted...” RD darted over to one of the nearby stands. It was labelled ‘Jock’s Sporting Goods’. RD was holding and carefully examining a folded white thing.

“Hey lady, hooves off the merchandise!” A gruff voice shouted suddenly. A moderately large blue unicorn with a striped green and peach mane emerged from the behind the counter. He changed his attitude when he saw RD. “Oh, hi Ms. Dash. How ya doin’?” I saw his cutie mark as he walked around the counter to stand in front of RD. It was a collection of assorted sports balls. He also had some strange sort of apron thing on his back that had a pocket on each of his sides.

“Doin’ good Jock, a little angry today?”

“Don’t even get me started. Some little colt ruined a perfectly good tennis racket earlier today. It was a real nice one too...”

“Well, did he pay for it?”

“Nah, he was a poor little guy. I didn’t have it in ma heart to even yell at the kid.”

“Well, how much was it?” I walked up to the stand and he turned to me.

“Hey, do ya mind? We w-- Dear Celestia! It’s him!” Jock shouted. “W-welcome to my shop Mr. Hero! Did ya need something?!”

“Dear god, calm down bro. I’m just a normal... stallion as far as anypony should be concerned.”

“Normal stallion my flank! You’re not even a pony! You’re the Hero! What’re you doin’ here at my humble little shop?”

“Well, I’m taking my friend here shopping. So, how much did that racket cost?” Jock whipped back around to RD.

“Dash?! You know this guy and you never told me?!”

“Cuz I knew you’d freak out! Not cool dude.” RD replied with an eyeroll. Jock took a few deep breaths before turning back to me.

“... Racket?” I asked hesitantly.

“Oh, that. It’s not that important. What were you looking for today sir?”

“Well, I was looking to pay for that racket.”

“Oh no, I can’t let you do that sir. WHAT’S YOUR SECRET TO THOSE MUSCLES?!” Jock clapped a hoof over his mouth. I resisted a large urge to facepalm.

“Look, I insist on paying for the racket... And my secret is magic enhancements from another world. It allows me to build muscle faster than normally possible and increases all of my physical capabilities.” Jock frowned.

“Darn, I was hoping I could be like you... Well... The racket was pretty expensive... about 1299 bits...”

“Sa-weet. Here ya go.” I opened the pouch and counted out 13 gold bits. I held them out to him with a smile. He looked unsure for a moment, but grabbed the coins anyway.

“... Thanks... I’m gonna feel guilty for a month, but at least my income won’t suffer. Now, is that it?”

“For me? Yeah, I think so.”

“Well... if that’s it... CAN I GET AN AUTOGRAPH?!” He blurted out again.

“Dammit, STFU bitch! ... Sure...” He whipped a paper and pen out of a pouch on his side. I took them and used his stand as support while I signed it. I handed it back to him and he bounced happily.

“Yes! This is awesome! Ehm... anything else sir?”

“Nope...” With obvious effort, he turned back to RD.

“Now, what did you want Dash?”

“I’m here to get the training parachute I’ve been wanting!”

“That thing? Dash, you and I both know you don’t save up money, and you’d need to to afford that thing.”

“That’s why I’m here to buy it.” I interrupted again.

“YOU’RE AN AMAZING FRIEND!” This time RD shoved a hoof in his mouth.

“Quit bein’ so lame Jock! Just tell him how much it costs.” She removed her hoof and Jock slowly turned back to me.

“Wait!” I shouted quickly. I looked at RD. “I’ll buy it, but I need you to say something.”

“What?” RD asked, suddenly looking uneasy.

“I need you to say ‘I’m rainbowlicious’.”

“... What?”

“You heard me!”

“No way dude! That’s lame!”

“Do you want the parachute?”

“... Yes...”

“Then say it.”

“... Fine...” RD mumbled something quietly.

“Huh uh, you have to shout it and be happy about it.”

“What?!”

“Do it!”

“Grrrrr.... FINE! I’m rainbowlicious!” She cried. She then sat down huffily and crossed her forelegs across her chest.

“Ehm... anyway... The parachute is a high-quality training instrument utilized by even the Wonderbolts. It has adjustable flaps to increase or decrease drag and has a non-tearing guarantee. It costs 9999 bits... unless that’s too expensive, I suppose I could give y--”

“Shaddup and let me count my money bitch!” Jock shut his mouth quickly and I started counting out bits. 100 gold bits and a long time later, I handed him the money and placed my now mostly empty coin pouch back on my hip. RD leaped up and hugged her new parachute to her chest as she squealed happily.

“Oh thank you Sharky! Now I can be even faster!” She cheered. Jock snorted.

“I’m not the only one that squeals...” He muttered. I quickly picked RD back up and stepped away from the stand as fast as I could. I jogged a little, as if we had somewhere to go. As soon as the stand was out of sight, I stopped and set RD back down.

“Thanks again Sharky! This is awesome!” She cheered again, totally ignoring the fact that I had just ran from the shop.

“Yeah, it was freaking worth it too.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re rainbowlicious.”

“... Shut up.”

“Hey, what’s this stand?” I looked to another little stand that read ‘Self-preservation Tools’. I walked over to it and looked down at the wares. There was pepper spray, a few little weapons, and rape whistles. I bought three rape whistles with string around them to make them necklaces and placed them all around my neck. The shopkeeper was giving me a strange stare the whole time, but he accepted my money anyway. They were only 10 bits each, so I got 7 silver bits back from the one gold bit I gave him.

“... Why did you buy a rape whistle?” RD asked with obvious curiosity.

“Because I need it!”

“... Ok, then why buy three?”

“Because sometimes one just isn’t enough for the severity of the oncoming rape. Trust me, he needs these.”

“Okay... Well, I wanna go try out my new toy, let’s got to the racetrack!” RD flew up and started slowly in the direction of the track, obviously intending for me to follow her. I jumped up and grabbed her out of the air. “W-whoa!”

“I have to copy your magic so we can visit your house after this, remember?”

“H-how... jump... Sharky, how did you do that?!”

“I... jumped.”

“I was like 20 feet in the air!”

“I know.”

“You never did anything like that!”

“Yeah, the magic from the planet I went to for that week lets me do that. Onward to the track!”

“... Awesome.” RD wiggled around a little bit to settle into my arms. I kept walking and she directed me towards the track. In a few minutes, we were there. I could feel a pair of fully-developed wings on my back already, but I decided to help RD try out her new parachute before I told her. We unfolded the little white cloth to reveal a large white circle about 20 feet in diameter. It fucking dwarfed RD.

“Holy crap. How do you plan on flying at all with this thing?!” I gasped in disbelief. It didn’t seem possible. RD looked doubtful as well.

“Well, didn’t Jock say there were adjustable flaps or something?”

“Oh right...” A little piece of paper caught my attention. It was laying in the opened parachute. I picked it up. “Good! The instructions!” I unfolded them to reveal a bunch of little diagrams. RD peered at the paper over my shoulder.

“Whoa!! We’ll never figure all that out!” I quickly turned so RD didn’t notice my wings and backed up to the middle of the parachute.

“Actually it’s pretty easy. Come here.” I ordered. I picked up a couple of velcro straps and wrapped them around her forelegs. Then I attached the main harness to her back and stepped back. “Ok, now fly up so that the parachute hangs beneath you.”

“Ok, how does this help the parachute not kill me when I’m actually flying?”

“I’m getting there!” I snapped. She flew up so that the parachute hung beneath her. It filled up with air quickly and made a big bell. “Ok, now drop your hooves down to your side.” RD did as I said and the strings attached to the velcro strap on her foreleg relaxed, opening a bunch of flaps on the bottom of the parachute. “There, see? Keep your legs back for minimum resistance, and move them forward for more!”

“Whoa! Ya know, sometimes I forget that you’re smart.” RD swayed her legs back and forth, experimenting with the flaps. Every time she moved her legs next to her head, the strings pulled taut and the flaps snapped shut. “Sweet! Here I go!” She dropped her hooves back down to her sides and took off. I watched patiently as she flew a bunch of laps around the track. She was obviously trying to show off her strength because she was flying pretty fast. I could see the strain on her face though, so I worried a little that she might hurt herself.

“Hey, RD, don’t push yourself too hard!” I shouted. She ignored me and started to edge her legs forward, causing the flaps to close slightly. Her speed decreased noticeably, but her wings started to move faster and she soon regained her previous speed. “Really RD, slow down! No wait, if she keeps going like this she might blow up! That’d be pretty funny.”

“No! I’m fine!” She lied as she closed the flaps even further. I shot off of the ground like a bullet and tackled her out of the air. She gasped in surprise and her coat was drenched in sweat already. The parachute billowed out behind us and we started a gentle descent toward the ground.

“Ok, no need to kill yourself in your first hour of owning the parachute.” I reprimanded her. She scowled at me.

“I was perfec-*gasp*-ly fine without *gasp* your help!” She kept her rapid gasping up, but I could tell she was trying to stop.

“Yeah, your lungs and sweat glands disagree.” RD just snorted at me and turned her head. Soon after though, RD sighed and turned back to me.

“... Sorry...” She gasped again. “Thanks for stopping me....”

“No problem. You know I’ve got your back.”

“I know... Thanks for taking care of me.”

“Hey, it’s what friends do!”

“You know you do way more than a normal friend!”

“Well, I guess.”

“Ugh, but I never get to do anything for you...” She griped.

“Well, I don’t ever really need anything. To be honest, just the fact that you’re my friend makes me really happy!”

“Hmph... You know, I don’t want to hear that you like being friends...”

“Well, if you were my marefriend that’d be pretty cool, but you know I’m not just gonna toss the other girls’ feeling out a window and be with you.”

“I know... but... we have right now, right?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Then why are we still pretending to only be friends?”

“Because today we still are.” I touched down on the ground.

“No we aren’t. You know that... I love you Sharky.”

“I know, but it’s not--”

“I know it’s not my day! Even then, can you honestly say you don’t love me like you’re pretending to?” I didn’t answer. “I thought so!” The parachute fell onto us, casting us into darkness. It was pretty thick if it managed to block out all light.

“Look, that doesn’t matter. Today, you are my friend.”

“No I’m not!” RD’s head shot forward and she locked her lips against mine. I have no idea how she had found them so easily in the dark, but she did. Before I could push her off, she pulled away on her own.

“I’m sorry! Sorry! I couldn’t help it! We’re alone, it’s dark, you just saved me... I just... Ugh!”

“... You... I don’t... Oh my gosh. Look, I’m going to pretend that didn’t happen.”

“No! It did happen! I did a bad thing... but I liked it...”

“RD, we aren’t going to discuss this. It’s not your day today.”

“I don’t care! I got this day fair and square! Look I want to spend today as your marefriend! I’ve spent too many as just a friend!”

“RD, no!”

“Tell me that kiss didn’t feel good to you too!” She screamed. “Tell me you don’t love me! Then you can treat me like a friend!” As my vision adjusted to the darkness, I could see the tears in RD’s eyes. I sighed exhaustedly.

“... You know I can’t do that.”

“Then don’t! Just kiss me back, please... Like a coltfriend would. Just for today, I promise I won’t do this again until it’s actually my turn!”

“This went from you almost killing yourself to kissing really damn fast!” I noted. RD gave a sad chuckle.

“You know I like fast... Now what’ll it be?” She leaned forward again and her lips made contact with mine...

And I didn’t know what to do.