Rarity was almost done with her morning beautification routine when she heard a faint knocking at her door. As the boutique would not open for another several hours, she wasn’t entirely sure who it could have been, and as much of a crime as it was to leave her false eyelashes in their container for the time being, she knew there was no way she could focus enough to properly apply them with such a racket going on.

As she reached the door and looked out the peephole she was surprised to see Rainbow Dash standing on the other side, looking rather deflated. Curiosity piqued, she opened the door a crack.

“Good morning, Rainbow Dash,” she said, “what brings you here?”

“Hey Rares, I… Uh… I came to apologize. For yesterday,” Rainbow Dash muttered, eyes cast down to the ground.

Rarity quickly undid the chain lock and opened the door the rest of the way. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Rainbow said as she rubbed the back of her neck. “Mr. Turner – he’s my therapist – says I shouldn’t be so confrontational, and I know he’s right. Sometimes I just get… I dunno, worked up, I guess, and I don’t really think about what it is I’m saying. Point is, I shouldn’t have challenged you to a prank war, and I’m sorry I called you a buzzkill.” Rainbow extended a hoof. “Forgive me?”

Rarity deflected Rainbow’s hoof and pulled her into a full body hug. “Of course,” she said, giggling slightly. “I could never stay mad at you.”

Rainbow gave a nervous chuckle as she extricated herself from Rarity’s grip. “Right. So I got you something, to make it up to you,” she said as she pulled a small brown orb from her saddlebag and proffered it to Rarity.

Rarity smelled the sweet scent of chocolate as she took it from Rainbow. “It’s a chocolate covered apple,” the pegasus said as Rarity looked at it.

“Thank you, Rainbow, that’s very thoughtful of you.”

“Right, that’s me,” Rainbow said, ruffling her mane with a grin. “Super thoughtful. So, you gonna eat it?”

Rarity looked back down to the apple. “Umm… It’s morning, Rainbow. Not exactly the ideal time for chocolate.”

“I know, but, like, Pinkie eats chocolate crullers for breakfast all the time. It’s not really different.”

Rarity mulled this over. It wasn’t unheard of… and it really did smell quite delicious. Perhaps just a little bite would be okay. With a polite smile, Rarity brought it to her lips and sunk her teeth into the chocolatey, app–

Onion. It was an onion. Rarity spat it out of her mouth as quickly and aggressively as she could, but it was too late; Her nostrils were already burning, eyes tearing up, and her tongue was coated with the sinister vegetable.

By the time Rarity was able to recover from the coughing fit she found herself in, Rainbow was rolling on the ground laughing.

“OH MY GOSH YOU ACTUALLY ATE IT!” Rainbow cackled, tears of mirth rolling down her cheeks. “That was like, SO obvious! And you fell for it!”

Rarity coughed in response, though she liked to pretend her cough was a terrible, vicious expletive.

Rainbow got back to her hooves and wiped her eyes. “I knew I was gonna win this thing, but I had no idea it was gonna be this easy.”

“Of all the vile, inconsiderate, asinine things, Rainbow, you chose to–”

“Pull a simple prank in a war that you agreed to?” Rainbow interrupted with a devious smirk. “Yeah, I think I did. You’re not upset, are you?”

Rarity stamped a hoof. “As a matter of fact, I–”

“Because, you know, getting upset over a prank is pretty much the opposite of fun.” Rainbow shrugged.

Rarity paused. So that’s how it’s going to be, is it, Rainbow? She bared her teeth. “No, I am not upset.”

“Great,” Rainbow said quickly and patted Rarity on the shoulder. “I’ll see you later then, Onion-Breath!” With that she took off into the sky, and Rarity could hear her impish cackling until she was out of view.

This would not stand. Rarity had already begun the plans for her retaliation, and it would be so perfect, so grand, that Rainbow Dash would never even know what hit her.

First, though, she had to go brush her teeth.

Rarity wiped her brow as she stepped back to admire her handiwork. Rainbow Dash thought she was so clever, but she wasn’t. Perhaps she thought her cloud house was unassailable to her rival, but that was clearly not the case; Had she forgotten that Twilight knew a very simple spell that allowed non-pegasi ponies to walk on clouds? Hah! That was just like Rainbow, forgetting all about her vulnerabilities until they were exploited against her.

And exploit them Rarity had. She allowed herself one brief maniacal laugh as she double checked everything she had done.

Rainbow’s Wonderbolts 25th Anniversary poster; Slanted 2.3 degrees to the left.

Rainbow’s Wonderbolts: Swimsuit Edition calender; Slanted 4.9 degrees to the right, and turned ahead 2 months.

Rainbow’s autographed picture with Spitfire and Soarin’; shifted one quarter inch off center in the frame.

It was beautiful to behold. The moment Rainbow returned home, Rarity could imagine her doing nothing more than falling to her knees and swearing vengeance upon her mother’s grave.

A click from the front of the house alerted Rarity to somepony’s presence. Thinking quickly, she hopped out the bedroom window and clung to the ledge outside.

After a few agonizing moments of silence, she heard a loud yawn come from inside and peeked over the edge of the window. Rainbow was entering the bedroom, having dropped her saddlebags somewhere in the middle of her kitchen floor. She watched as the pegasus made her way over to the bed and sat down.

This was it. Her moment of triumph. Any second, Rainbow would look up and see…

Rainbow flopped backward onto her bed and immediately began snoring.

Rarity stared in disbelief. She didn’t even notice her precious memorabilia had been tampered with! Was the mare so unobservant that she was unaffected by the jostling of right angles!?

Perhaps this prank had been a bust. Resigning herself to defeat for now, Rarity turned back to the ground and…

Hmm, Rarity thought as she tapped a hoof to her chin. How was I planning on getting down from here?

Rarity groaned and punched the wall. She was surprised when her hoof struck something solid. She slowly pulled it out and found it to be a series of small plastic planks on a pair of fiber cords. Looking closely, she found a small engraved plaque on the top plank which read ’This Spy Ladder Property of Pinkamena Diane Pie,’ and below that, ‘(Stashed here in case of Spy Ladder Emergency)’.

“Well,” Rarity muttered to herself as she unfolded the ladder and tossed the bottom over the ledge, “that was a freebie.”

Rarity was surprised to find the door to her inspiration room slightly ajar when she returned upstairs from lunch. She remembered closing it, didn’t she? At least, she thought she did…

“Hey Rares,” Rainbow’s scratchy voice called out as she opened the door.

“Rainbow!? What are you doing here?” Rarity gritted her teeth and spaced out her hooves, eyes darting this way and that as she prepared to fend off whatever ill-advised ploy Rainbow had prepared.

“Oh, nothin’ much, just thought I’d give you a little heads up. I unfolded one of your bolts of fabric, but I couldn’t figure out how to fold it back up the way you do it, so I just stuffed it back in the rack all loose,” Rainbow said with a shrug.

Rarity groaned. “Rainbow, you can’t just “stuff it back in,” or it will wrinkle. Give it to me.”

Rainbow laughed. “Oops. I already put it back in, Rares.”

“So get it back out and give it to me!” Rarity shouted, her temper deserting her.

Rainbow tapped a hoof to her chin before shaking her head. “Nah.”

Rarity narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean, ‘Nah?’”

“I mean, I’m not going to do that. If I did, it wouldn’t be much of a prank.”

Rarity closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Murder was below her. “So I’m to find it myself, then?”

“That’s the idea,” Rainbow said as she nonchalantly swaggered passed her to the doorway. “By the way, Rarity, it’s not much of a prank war if you don’t prank me back.”

Rarity heard the door close behind her and silently fumed.

This wasn’t a big deal. In fact, it was kind of an awful prank; With any luck, she’d find the unfolded bolt within the first few she checked, refold it, and be able to go about her day as she pleased.

“Piece of cake,” she muttered to herself, and got to work levitating the bolts off the racks.

Rainbow lied.

Five hours of checking bolts of fabric for improper folding, and the only thing Rarity discovered was 359 bolts of exquisitely folded fabric.

But Rainbow had told her she unfolded one, right? So she checked again.

It wasn’t until midnight that Rarity finally realised what the smarmy pegasus had done.

She’d tricked her into wasting an entire day looking for something that wasn’t there.

Rarity looked at herself in the mirror and nearly wept. Giant dark circles hung from her eyes, her hooves were covered in lint, her mane was a mess… This transcended mere pranking. Rainbow Dash had pushed into realms of cruelty.

Of course, that meant Rarity had to push back. Turning her attention back to the task at hand, she grinned as she smoothed the wrinkles out of the freshly reapplied label on the conditioner bottle. ‘Shampoo,’ the label read. Likewise, the Shampoo bottle’s label deviously stated ‘Conditioner.’

It was wrong. It betrayed all of Rarity’s principles to do this to some poor, defenseless pony. It was a crime against mane styling itself.

But Rainbow had earned it.

With that in mind, Rarity placed the two bottles in a small basket and tied a bow to the top with her magic, and then trotted out of the boutique and into town.

It did not take long to find Rainbow Dash, as she was – predictably enough – practicing her flight routine out in the field behind Fluttershy’s cottage.

“Rainbow, dear, do you have a minute?” Rarity called out.

Rainbow spotted her immediately and alighted on the ground next to her. “Hey, Rares. What’s up?”

Rarity feigned a smile. “I just happened to be in the area, and I have a gift for you.”

Rainbow snickered. “Oh, okay. What is it?”

“... That’s it? No ‘Thank you, Rarity,’ no ‘You didn’t have to do that Rarity?’”

Rainbow covered her mouth with a hoof, but Rarity could still hear her laughter. “No, of course, thanks Rares. So what is it?”

Don’t lose your temper, Rarity. Remember: It’s all for the plan.

“Here,” Rarity said as she floated the basket off her back and into Rainbow’s waiting hooves.

Rainbow eyed the basket for a moment. “Oh, mane stuff? No thanks.”

Rarity gritted her teeth. “What do you mean, no thanks?”

“I don’t use that stuff,” Rainbow said with a shrug.

Rarity’s jaw dropped. “What do you mean you don’t use that stuff!?”

“I mean I don’t use it. I just rinse my hair and let it air dry.”

Rarity felt her body temperature rising. “Rainbow, that’s horrible! No wonder your mane is always so tangled! I insist, take it and use it.”

“I appreciate the thought,” Rainbow said beween snickers, “but no. I’m good.”

Rarity groaned. Perhaps a change of tactics was in order. “But wouldn’t it feel good, after getting so sweaty out here in the fields, to rub some nice, soothing shampoo on your scalp?” Rarity nodded her head toward the disguised bottle.

At this point Rainbow fell to the ground, laughing uproariously. Rarity seethed.

“Oh my gosh Rares, could you be any more obvious?” Rainbow wiped a tear from her eye. “Obviously this is a prank.”

Rarity gasped and raised a defensive hoof to her chest. “Rainbow, how could you accuse me of such a thing?”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Uh, maybe because I did this exact prank to you yesterday?”

Rarity’s eyes flew as far open as equinely possible. “You switched my Shampoo and Conditioner labels!?”

Rainbow resumed laughing. “No, but thanks for telling me what you were trying to pull here.”

Rarity stared blankly into the space above Rainbow’s head as she realized what had just transpired.

“Anyway, it’s good to see you’re finally trying to prank me back, but I gotta run. Weather meeting starts in ten minutes. See you later, Rares!” Rainbow saluted with a hoof and then took off into the sky.

Rarity continued staring off into space as Rainbow left. “I did try to prank you back,” Rarity mumbled.

Rarity heaved herself into the shower stall with a heavy sigh. Rainbow’s defenses were immaculate. How was she supposed to win this war when her rival seemed to know everything she was going to do before she did it? She turned the faucet on to hot and grabbed her bar of soap.

As she sat under the flowing water thinking about her next move, she heard her stomach growl. She was pretty sure she could smell broccoli soup cooking… She had left nothing on the stove, though.

Rarity lifted her nose and sniffed the air again. It was strong. Too strong to be coming from outside the bathroom. Actually… the water smelled like…

Rarity shrieked as she turned off the faucet and watched the green tinted water flow down the drain. She used her magic to grab the shower head and twisted it off.

A small, goopy green cube fell to the floor of the stall.

Broccoli Bouillon.

She’d bathed in Broccoli Bouillon.

Rarity stepped out of the shower, toweled herself dry, cleaned up the disgusting soup cube, and locked herself in her Inspiration room.

Sweetie Belle heard her screaming from their parent’s house on the opposite side of town.

Rainbow Dash sat on her sofa and giggled as she turned to the first page of Daring Do and The Dingo’s Didgeridoo. She’d been waiting months for this book to come out, and now that it was, nothing was going to stop her from reading it in one sitting, starting now.

She heard a knock at the door and sighed, smacking her forehead with a hoof. Of course somepony needed her as soon as she picked up her book.

“Who is it,” she called, eyes still scanning the title page.

“Rainbow darling, it’s me, Rarity.”

Rainbow looked up. This might be worth delaying Daring Do for a couple minutes. She flew over to the door and opened it.

“‘Sup, Rares?”

“I surrender,” Rarity said, holding out a gold-trimmed white flag and waving it sadly in the breeze.

“What?” Rainbow raised an eyebrow.

“You win, Rainbow. Clearly I am no match for your pranking expertise,” Rarity said softly, dropping her flag on the front porch. “I want you to know there are no hard feelings, so I got you this,” she said as she levitated a glass bottle out of her saddlebag.

Rainbow sighed. “Rares, you tried this yesterday, what makes you think it’s going to work now?”

Rarity shook her head. “I know it looks suspicious, but I promise, Rainbow, it’s just a bottle of cider. Applejack sold it to me herself.”

Rainbow eyed the bottle suspiciously for a moment. Sweet Apple Acres Cider, it said in the proud golden letters it always did. This was too obvious.

“Drink it,” Rainbow said.

“What?” Rarity asked, sounding completely beleaguered. “It’s just cider, Rainbow, I promise.”

“And I believe you,” Rainbow said with a nod, “but I gotta watch my back, y’know? Just prove that it’s not poison and I’ll accept your surrender.”

Rarity sighed, twisted off the top of the bottle, and poured several mouthfuls down her throat before levitating a kerchief out of her saddlebag and wiping her muzzle. She once again extended the bottle to Rainbow.

Rainbow smiled. Rarity wasn’t coughing, or gagging, or breaking out in hives. It really was cider.

Delicious, Sweet Apple Acres cider, and she'd let Rarity drink some of it. “Awesome,” she said as she grabbed the bottle and sucked down the beverage in one long gulp before burping loudly. It was delicious.

“Rnr, uxiu’e wnnv euqbb,” Rainbow said as she wiped her mouth with a hoof.

Rarity laughed. Why was Rarity laughing?

Wait… what had she just said?

“Rnr, uxiu’e wnnv – Rxiu uxk xis!?”

Rarity pulled a small vial out of her saddlebag and downing it in one gulp before resuming her laughter.. “You drank it! YOU  ACTUALLY DRANK IT!” she cackled.

Rainbow rammed her forehead into Rarity’s. “Rxiu vlv snq vn un hk!?”

Rarity sneered at her. “Isn’t it obvious, Rainbow? I just won our little war.”

Rainbow backed onto her haunches and glared. “Rxiu. Vlv. Snq. Vn. Un. Hk?”

Rarity shrugged. “It was quite easy, Rainbow. See, after you pulled your little ‘Bouillon Bomb’ on my shower, I had to get even. Of course, I knew there’d be no way you’d ever fall for a normal prank, so I had to get creative. So I went to see Twilight.”

Rainbow’s wings flared. “Urlylwxu xkydkv snq!?”

That snotty alicorn would pay for her betrayal.

“Of course, I didn’t tell her what I was doing,” Rarity continued, casually inspecting her hoof. “I simply asked to borrow the book, Supernaturals. Perhaps you’ve heard of it?”

Rarity swallowed hard. That was the book with the antidote to poison joke.

“I just told her some story about how I was doing research for a new fashion line, and I wanted to look at the masks pictured in the book for reference,” Rarity laughed. “She was more than willing to let me check it out. It was there I found the proper… weapon, shall we say, to end our little war.”

Rainbow closed her eyes. If whatever Rarity had done to her came from a book, there was probably a cure. This was no big deal.

“It was a complicated potion, but I’ve always been quite adept at following instructions, so I found preparing a batch to be rather elementary. Of course, as I’m sure you’ve no doubt guessed, there is a cure.”

Rainbow’s eyes shot open. “Skix, wpkiu dpitc, snq rlt, rxiu’e uxk aqpk?”

“See, the primary ingredient of the potion I gave you is a very rare herb known as Wordsbane. It doesn’t grow around here, so I knew the only place I’d be able to find it would be Zecora’s hut. While its uses are few, one of them is to help soothe a sore throat, particularly for singers; When I told Zecora that Big Macintosh and I needed some to help keep up with the Ponytones’ rigorous practice schedule, she was happy to give me all she had; Two doses.”

“En uxkpk’e itnuxkp vnek?”

“One, I used to prepare this cider. With the other, I made the antidote.”

Rainbow forced a nervous chuckle. “Itv tnr snq’pk wntti wlfk lu un hk, plwxu?”

“Did you perchance wonder what that little vial I just drank was?” Rarity said with a sly grin, pointing to the discarded piece of glassware.

Rainbow stopped chuckling. “Tn… Tn!” She leapt for the vial, holding it above her open mouth and banging on the end with a hoof, but it was no use; The antidote was all gone.

Rarity laughed again, this time far louder than before. “The next batch of Wordsbane likely to find its way to Ponyville should arrive some time this summer. It only grows in the late Spring out near Trottingham, after all.”

Rainbow gritted her teeth. This was okay. She just had to go find Twilight, get her to realize what happened, and have her find another way to cure her. Twilight knew everything, she’d be able to sort this out.

“Oh, and don’t even bother going to Twilight. Her copy of Supernaturals has already been sent to Fillydelphia on Inter-library loan, and won’t be back for at least a month, and Zecora’s copy… Let’s just say it’s missing a few pages? Even if you do manage to find a way to communicate with somepony, they won’t have any clue how to restore you to normal without it.”

Rarity began humming a tune as she walked over to the edge of the cloud and kicked what appeared to be one of Pinkie’s Spy Ladders over the edge. “It’s been a pleasure doing business with you, Rainbow dear. I’ll talk to you later? Oh, wait – I guess I won’t! Hahaha!”

Rainbow watched as Rarity’s jubilant face passed the horizon of the cloud and listened as her laughter slowly descended the ladder.

“You know,” Rarity said as she popped her head back into view, “because you can’t talk. That was the joke.”

“L wnu lu, uxitce,” Rainbow replied with all the venom she could muster.

Again Rarity’s laughter echoed around her as she once more descended the ladder.

“... Dntsbkiuxkpe,” Rainbow Dash muttered.