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The Anti Derpy

by JohnnyBurma

Chapter 4: Scrumdidilyumptious

Previous Chapter

"SHE...SHE... SHE HUGGED ME! OH MY GOD SHE HUGGED ME! SHE TOUCHED ME! SHE ACTUALLY TOUCHED ME! SHE... SHE... OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO DIE OF HAPPINESS RIGHT NOW!"

Kyle had been jumping around his house rejoicing his embrace. Michael, Elvis, and that dub step guy would have been envious at Kyle's girations and twists. He was the king of the world, if only for a night. He only wished he could tell somone of his bliss. After about another 10 minutes of victory dancing, he got tired and plopped down onto his couch breathing heavily.

"Huh...ha ha... I've still got goosebumps. Oh man, my hands are shaking! HA HA! I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep tonight! Can't go to work then! "

Kyle dialed on his thumb and pinkie phone and put it up to his ear, "Sup boss. Hows it going you old fart. Just letting you know that I ain't going nowhere today. I got hugged by Derpy fuh-reakin Hooves, and I am recovering from injuries caused by awesomness! So you just throw yourself a little fit, and let your nose turn all red, because I don't care BITCH! I AM THE MOTHERFUCKING KING OF THE WORLD!" Kyle then stood up on his couch and then threw his hand phone on the ground and jumped off and stomped on it for good measure... symbolically of course.

Kyle then boogied his way towards his room to begin his pony filled sleepless night. He turned on his computer and pulled up his browser.

"Yeah! Guess who's watching some ponies... this guy! No stupid that's not what I clicked on! That's..."

Kyle then stared in shame at what was on his screen. It was a rule34 webpage dedicated to Derpy Hooves. Image after image of the pony he had just met and hugged. Kyle had visited this page often, it was one of his favorites, but now... it didn't give the same effect. Kyle X'ed out of the page and walked out of the room holding his head.

~Where can you find the fancy bread, in the heart, or in the head? - Willy Wonka ~

Outside of Henry's house, kids were heading back into their houses to escape the darkness of night, and stall their way to bed. The old men watching them were already fast asleep, snoring and drooling, cradling their beer bottles. The young kids were staying up late, to show the world how invincible, and tireless they thought they were, blasting music and exchanging curses, punches and emotions. A few mothers were huddled together on a dirty front porch across the street, puffing like chimneys, discussing what the strange, shy white boy from across the street was carrying into his house. They assumed simple familiar things like a child, a case of beer, something vauable, shiny and maybe illegal. They had no idea.
Inside, Henry had just begun explaining to Derpy the difference between ponies, and ponies. He had gotten out his laptop and was tip-tap-typing away through internet, looking for visual explanations for Derpy. Said pegasus was distracted by the complicated and futuristic looking piece of brony magic in front of her. She wanted to touch the little type-writer esque keys but she didn't know if Henry would allow her, so she decided to neither touch nor ask. It seemed the world of the bronies was fueled by magic in specific fields, instead of in general. She wondered how the bronies conjured up spells, without the need for a horn.

"Henry, do you have a horn?"

Henry stopped typing and slowly looked up at Derpy with a puzzled look.

"You know, like a unicorn, to do magic with and stuff." Derpy said making an imaginary horn with her right hoof (I'm assuming you know its her front one).

Henry chuckled and replied, "No, I don't have a horn, and this isn't magic its technology."

"Ooooooohhh, your one of those ponies, I mean bronies."

"What do you mean?"

"There are a few stuck up ponies in Canterlot that are trying to change ponies from saying their using magic into using 'technology'. Everyone thinks its dumb, and I think its unnecesary. Not saying your stuck up Henry, but this is obviously magic. Your carriage runs without coal, or ponies, thats magic too. If we called it 'technology', we would forget that magic is everywhere."

Henry smiled at the statement, "You know Derpy, I think your right." Derpy looked up and smiled back warmly.
"Hey, I want to show you something."

Henry turned the computer towards Derpy who was sitting next to him.

"What's that?"

"That's what a pony looks like here."

"But, its all big and tall, and kinda ugly."

"Heh, yeah, they definitely look different here."

"What do the pegasi and unicorns look like?"

"We don't have them here, just ponies.Unicorns and pegasi are just things of legend here."

"What? So just ponies? " Henry replied with a nod.

"Okay... do you have any pony friends?" Derpy said hopeful that she would have somepony to talk to.

"Um... I used to have one when I was little but... um... ponies here don't talk. They can't think either, or at least make intelligent decisions, and make their own choices. For thousands of years they have been used on farms to pull plows, and ride around, but now we have tractors, and cars so people only have horses for pets and for races. Ponies don't do any real work, they just kind of, let people ride around on them and eat food people give them. "

Derpy hung her head in deep thought, concentrating on the impossible things Henry has just said. He didn't even talk about them like they had feelings, he just talked about them like they were old rusty machines. Overused tools who's only purpose is to collect dust in a forgotten corner of a shed. Meaningless entertainment, nothing more, but she couldn't be mad at him, he didn't spend an entire life in a place were these 'pets' were sorcerers, weather managers, farmers, and even royalty. No, he only talked this way out of his own experience, no need to be mad at him. Besides there was another thought wisping around inside her head.The one she had been most worried about.The one that Henry had just answered. Derpy slowly and somberly looked up to Henry, her eyes watering like dams ready to burst.

"So I guess that means I'm alone."

It hit him like a punch in the face. Henry realized the immense grief, isolation and despair the mare he had just taken under his wing must be going through. He couldn't begin to understand, he knew that, and he hated himself for it. He didn't know what to do, or what to say to reassure her that things would be okay, because she was right. She was completely alone, with no friends, family members, or even another creature of her own species, and there was a very high possibility that she might never return to her home. Henry, unable to think of what else to do, reached out to Derpy and pulled her in his arms and stroked her mane. Derpy returned the embrace, squeezing Henry hard, and crying on his shoulder.

"No Derpy, your not alone, you have me and all my friends. I told you this back at Kyle's house, as long as you stay with us, you'll be safe. We won't stop working to find a way to get you back, I promise.We'll do whatever it takes to get you home, but until that time comes, you have a home, and a have a family and its right here."

"*sniff* Th...thanks Henry." Derpy said looking up at him with tear filled eyes and a small grin. Henry wiped a tear of off her face, and hugged her for about a minute more, when suddenly he heard a rumbling sound that didn't come from him.

Derpy laughed sheepishly and grabbed her stomach.She hadn't eaten anythin since this morning, if it was still Saturday, and after all she had been through she was famished, but if Henry's fridge was empty.Hmmm....

"Henry, I don't want to be a bother, but could you get me something to eat? I didn't have lunch and I'm really hungry after everything that happened today."

"Of course Derpy! I'm sure there are still places open, its only about 7:30. Did you feel like anything in particular?" Henry asked grabbing his jacket and his keys. Derpy tapped her chin and thought about it.
"Umm... do bronies eat hay fries?"

"We have fries made out of potatoes."

"That sounds really weird, but I guess I'll give it a try."

"Okay, I'll pick up some other things for the rest of the week. I might be a while so just make yourself at home." Henry waved goodbye and was walking towards the doorway, when Derpy flew off of the couch and grabbed his arm.

"Wait! What am I supposed to do while I'm here?"

"Oh, um... I guess you can hang out in the guest bedroom, let me fix it up for you." Henry walked over to the cluttered room Derpy had been hiding in while flying around the house. He pressed a small switch on the wall and the whole room was instantly filled with light hurting both of their eyes. Now that Derpy could get a good look at the room she noticed it contained a small bed pushed to the corner of the opposite wall, a desk and another illuminating mirror. Oh and it had boxes scattered around the floor, and a small hole in the wall about the size of a hoof(according to Derpy's inspection of it) and all the furniture had a thin layer of dust on it. It looked like it had been occupied before, but said occupant departed in anger. Henry said nothing about the room, or its condition. He picked up all the boxes and put them into the room's closet and shut the door, cutting himself off from whatever memories those boxes had inside of them.

"Those were just from my old roommate, he was pretty lazy, and when he moved away recently he just left everything lying around." Henry said dusting of the furniture and not looking at Derpy.

"She... I mean he said they won't be coming back for anything, so this room is officially yours." Henry said not looking at Derpy. Derpy suspected that something might be amiss, but she didn't say anything. She was just grateful to have a place to stay. She helped Henry dust off the rest of the room with her wings and then settled in on the bed. Henry pulled out a large box out of the closet with a bunch of large dominos in it. He pressed a button on the side of the illuminating screen and it... well illuminated. A blue screen faded in and that was all, what could it be used? He then put one of the dominos into a little machine under the screen and then it started whirring, and then music started playing and moving images of chocolate appeared on the screen. Derpy jumped up and flew towards the screen and slowly pressed her hooves on it, but she couldn't feel the chocolate, all she felt was the cold glass screen. She licked it and then made a funny face when she tasted the metallic sour glass. She flew in midair, and then turned around and saw Henry laughing at her.

"I don't get it, why can't I taste it?"

After Henry caught his breath he said, "It's not real, its only images. This is something called film, it was made a long time ago, basically you take thousands of pictures, one after the other and record audio for it and play all those images back really fast, and it looks like its happening in real life. This was one of my favorite movies, It was from the 80's I think. It's called 'Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory'. I think you'll like it." Henry said with a smile.

"If this ends before I'm back. just press this little button right here that says eject, put it back in its case, and then just put another one in. Oh, and make sure to put it in on the right side, or it won't go in. Bye Derpy!"

"Henry wait!" Derpy called out as Henry was about to open the door. She flew over to him and gave him a big hug, catching him by surprise. He returned the gesture and they both said their goodbyes and then he left. Derpy returned to watching the 'film' about chocolate and the brony Henry called Willie Wonka.
~
"OH MY GOD I HAVE A PONY LIVING IN MY HOUSE."
Henry was trying to pay attention to the road, but its hard to do that when the only thing coursing through your mind is an image of an adorable pony watching Willie Wonka, cuddling a pillow and smiling. Henry knew about the responsibilities he would have to take on when he decided to take the pegasus under his wing (teehee) but there was other things he was worried about. First off, he had lied to Derpy. He felt bad about it, but he didn't want to explain the bad breakup he had with his girlfriend, or the hole in the wall she made, or the boxes of stuff she was trying to steal from him, until he walked through the front door that would later be replaced because of the brick she threw through the window. Henry didn't even know where all of the agression came from, all he knew was that she wanted a breakup, and that she thought very little of him, and felt the use of many swear words was necessary in descibing how she felt. He was extremely worried that she would come back and find the mare living in his house, and would hurt her, or kidnap her, or tell EVERYONE about her, and put her in a massive amount of danger. And what if somone tried to rob the house and saw Derpy, or what if one of his nosy neighbors saw her and took a picture of her, chances are nobody would believe them, but in the slim chance that enough picutres and maybe footage was found of Derpy...

"Oh Jesus! Watch where your going a-hole! " Henry shouted narrowly missing a passing car driven by a teenager who was driving under the influence of his overconfidence.

"Okay, focus Henry, you've got to take care of that mare at all costs. You've got to make sure that nothing happens to her, and that she doesn't get taken away. Yes, leaving her alone on her first night here isn't the best idea, but you don't have any food because you are lazy bastard. You can't be a lazy bastard anymore Henry, you've got to take care of two now. BUT SERIOUSLY, FUCKIN DERPY HOOVES IS MY ROOMMATE. THIS IS SO AMAZING!"

Henry drove to a Mickey D's and bought some fries, and bought himself something to eat. He sat down at one of the plastic tables, and texted Kyle, Jaime, and Stevie to meet him and talk some more about "you know who". Twenty minutes later, all the bronies were assembled and chomping down burgers and fries, except for Kyle who said he wasn't hungry for some reason.

"We need to give her a codename so we can talk about her in public." said Jamie, with a mouth full of fries.

"Can't we just call her she?"

"No, because eventually one of us will slip up, and then somepony... dammit I did it again."

"You do that too?" Stevie said.

"Yeah, every once in a while, I do. Anyway someONE will overhear us, and if on the rare occasion a brony hears us..."

"Then we just tell the brony we were discussing a fanfic, and then discuss ponies with him, and never bring her up again."
Henry said.

"Whatever, does anyone have a suggestion?" Stevie suggested they call her Alice, since she was teleported to a strange world. Jaime suggested they call her Diana, because of the initial D. Kyle stayed silent and let his drink go watery while staring down at the table..

"What about Veruca Salt?"

"Why would we call her Veruca Salt?"

"Because I put on Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory for her to watch at home."

"Oh really? I love that movie. God, I haven't seen it in years though." Jaime said.

"Me neither, but I don't think Derpy is anything like Veruca, I think Alice is a good name."Stevie said. Both Henry and Jaime agreed, Kyle didn't make a sound. Henry noticed and asked him what was wrong. Kyle looked up and said,
"I got on the computer at home after you and ... Alice left and I accidently clicked on a link I had to her rule34 page."

"You sure it was an accident?" Jaime said jokingly.

"YES IT WAS FUCKING ACCIDENT!" Kyle said almost yelling, drawing the attention of several people surrounding them.
Jaime backed away with wide eyes, suprised at Kyle's outburst. "Whoa, calm down dude. I'm sorry, I was just kidding."

"Yeah well I've had enough of your kidding Jaime. " Kyle said turning red.

He looked like he was going to stand up and give Jaime a piece of his mind, until Henry put his hand on his shoulder and said,

"Hey, take it easy man I believe you. Now say what you were going to say."

"There is not much to say. I felt so horrible, and guilty. I walked away feeling disgusted with myself, and I've felt down since then. Its going to be weird the next time i see her."

"Speaking of her, whose watching her Henry?" said Stevie

"Nobody."

The other bronies, including Kyle turned towards Henry and each gave their own personal expressions questioning Henry's judgement. Kyle was first to speak up.

"What do you mean shes alone? You live in a ghetto neighborhood, what if somone breaks into your house and finds her?!?"

"It hasn't happened before."

"I haven't been hit by a car before, that doesn't mean I'm going to go play red rover on the free way!!!" said Kyle getting flustered.

"Nice example."

"Shut up Stevie! Henry, what if she leaves the house and flies around and something happens to her!?!?"
"Hey calm down Kyle, shes not a naive kid, shes sensible. I told her I was going out to buy some food and stuff and be back in a few hours and she could watch my VHS tapes while I was gone."

"Oh great! Now shes going to watch Terminator or some shit and think were all a bunch of murderers!"

"Oh, I didn't think about that."

"Am I the only one whos wondering how exactly she would grasp a VHS tape?" said Jaime

"I was wondering the same thing. Cause she has like, hooves, so how is she going to hold on to it. And how is she going to use the remote?" Stevie said.

" You guys always do this. Look Henry, if you want I'll get the groceries for you, so you can make sure shes alright."
"Wow Kyle, your really that worried about her?"

"Yes I am. I love that pony, immensly, and I want nothing bad to happen to her while she is here. I don't mind going out of my way to do things for her because I want her to have the best experience on earth possible. I care about her that much."

"DAAAAAWWWWWW!" Stevie said rubbing Kyle's shoulder. Instead of lashing out, Kyle just smiled and stole some of Stevie's fries.

"Your going to have to pay for those groceries though."

"Of course, I'll make a list and give it to you along with the money. If I come up short, then just tell me and I'll pay you back."

"No problem buddy, brohoof."
The two bumped knuckles and smiled at each other. Maybe this wasn't going to be all that bad.
~
At home Derpy Hooves was practically choking a pillow and squeeling with glee at what the new movie she was about to watch would behold. To say she liked "Willy Wonka" would be an understatement, she ADORED the movie. She particularly liked Willy Wonka's song about imagination, and she thought he was a very interesting brony. She knew from the beginning that Charlie would get the golden ticket and win the chocolate but was still amazed nontheless with the movie.She had put it back and decided to watch another interesting looking movie, on that had a blond brony on the cover holding a glowing stick above his head, with a dog thingy, what must be another refrigerator, a weird metal brony and a female brony holding the blond brony's leg down so he could balance on the rock.
Derpy jumped at the sound of the music that played suddenly after a simple line of text, and was confused by the ascending words that followed. Suddenly the screen stopped shining and went black.

"NO! What was going to happen?" Derpy said as she flew towards the television. She knocked on the screen several times, and then stopped when she heard the sound of breaking glass down the hallway. She froze in fright, and then flew and turned off all the lights in the room, and hid in a corner. She could distinctly hear two voices speaking.

"Nobody is here. You check the bedrooms, and I'll check the kitchen and the living room."

"What if there are any dogs?"

"I don't care. You've got a gun, kill em."

~
Skauthors note:

So its summer now in case you guy and gals didn't know, so I will be updating the story, slightly more often. If anyone is still reading it. I'm also thinking about changing the title so it will be easier to find. any suggestions I guess just comment down there. But along with this, I will be starting another project with X528pa, one musical and one which will be the first consistent brony themed video game playthrough type thing EVER. and another story idea, as well as a collection of poems. yeah I write poetry too. and my own youtube series, without the show airing, I won't be as distracted from any brony projects, and the fact that their is no school helps.

So theres all that stuff we are doing, and sorry, very sorry, extremely sorry about the giant gap between the two chapters. This chapter is pretty long thought, and I only recently did the ending to it.
~
One more thing. Is anyone going to Brony Fan Fair in Austin Texas?

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