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The Anti Derpy

by JohnnyBurma

Chapter 3: Home is where the Derp is

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This really should have been longer, and had lots more stuff in it. but.... I've been reading my second life A LOT. I apologize greatly and I would promise to make the next chapter bigger, but I don't know if it will be. This is kind of embarassing, only 5 pages in a week. Here you guys, listen to this while you read, it helped inspire the chapter and the next one which i am working on now.



(One hour before Derpy and and Henry left for Henry's home.)

"You sure she's not going to fly out the window Kyle?"

"Yeah, my Mom put in those window bar thingies so I wouldn't run away when I was little."

"Why do you still have them on?"

"Because I kidnap people and keep them prisoner for months at a time and then chop them up and cook them in chinese food dishes and sell them for four bucks a pop. Naw, I'm kidding, it's cause I'm lazy."

"I really fucking hope she didn't hear you man."

Their were five bronies left. They and the others had set the day aside for raiding McDonalds of their pony toys and returning to Kyle's house, were they would watch the new episode together.While browsing for the episode, they stumbled upon a video entitled, 'Derpy's new voice'. After watching the video, and several others, the bronies were furious at the change and agreed they should start a petition, and create fan art, and videos and any sort of material that would inform Hasbro and the Hub of their grief. Not that it would really do any good, yaknow, just letting out steam. They had no idea of just how complex the situation was. Then they heard the sound of spilling drinks and clanking soda cans. That's when things changed.

Many of the bronies were enthusiastic at first at the notion of caring for Derpy, but all came to the realization that she was not a pet, or a child. She was a full grown woman practically, and would have questions that needed to be answered, and needs that needed to be met. Most of them didn't feel up to the task, and several couldn't because they still lived with their parents. Parents and ponies don't mix. Slowly the number decreased as bronies realized they weren't qualified for the job. The five were sitting in Kyle's living room in his small house that he had bought from his parents. It had been the location of several brony meet ups, but of course none as eventful as this one.

"How the fuck did she even get here?" said Ted pushing his hair back as he said it.

"I don't know, but do you think it might have anything to do with the voice change?" said Kyle.

"No that's ridiculous." said Stevie.

"No, remember she was saying something about like a... a..." Henry snapped his fingers trying to remember the word.

"A doppleganger! Yeah, she had a doppleganger with normal eyes and a different voice, remember that!"

"Oh damn... dude, do you think...?"

"Yeah, it makes perfect sense. The other Derpy came and replaced her and instead of killing her, sent her here, where she could never return to Equestria. That way she could take care of her without killing her." said Henry
"Well, why didn't she?" said Jaime.

All the bronies simulataneously looked at him.

"I'm not saying I wanted her to! I'm just asking why she didn't."

" I don't know, maybe there is more to this mare than..."

" Guys, were getting off topic!" shouted Kyle. "Who's taking care of Derpy?"

"Not you Kyle."

"WHYDAFUHQNOT?"

"We've seen your browser history. Obsessed doesn't begin to describe how much you like her."

"Hey keep it down! You guys love the ponies too!"

"Yeah but you like her more than most."

"34 times as much to be exact."

Stevie, Jaime and Ted laughed together and Kyle slipped farther back in his chair and staired at the ground in shame, and embarrasment.

"Hey guys lay off, We've all seen it at least once." said Henry defending Kyle.

"Not me!" said Ted.

"Bullshit Ted."

"No, ponyshit."

"Oh my God! I'm totally going to use that now!"

"Now were way off topic."

"But its a hot topic!"

"That was downright terrible."

"Are you guys going to watch the Aquabats Super Show?"

"Derpy's going to be fucking homeless."

( Back to the Future)
The sun was now halfway set. The different shades and hues were appearing from their hiding spots in the sky. Henry shut the door to Kyle's house and unfolded the jacket he was holding and held it in front of Derpy. It wasn't very cold, why does she need a jacket?

"Derpy I'm going to need you to put this on your head, and I need to carry you to the car."

"...Why?" Seriously, why? Were other bronies that scared of ponies? Derpy would think that it wouldn't be the first time they saw a pony. After all, they made toys out of them, so they had to have seen them a lot.

"Well, because other people would be really scared, well not scared but... hmmph. I'll explain later Derpy."

Henry wrapped Derpy in the jacket and carried her gently to his car. Derpy peeked out from the jacket to see what it looked like. It was a large, metal, oddly shaped carraige with rubber wheels. It had two divided windows on each side, and two wide windows on the front and the back. it was a dark, almost black blue , and light was pouring out of two little slots on the front of the car. Henry opened the back left door and set Derpy down inside. Derpy looked at the napkins,pens, papers, and weird shiny discs that littered the floor of the car. All kept company by a single can and a transparent bottle that looked like it was filled with water,over looking the trash.Henry got into the door that had the wheel in front of it, along with a whole bunch of buttons and levers and other stuff. Henry stuck a key in a little hole next to the wheel and the car began to rumble and illuminate. Derpy squealed at the sounds and movement but Henry reassured her it was just the engine. Derpy thought Henry just didn't want to explain what the sounds really were, because come on, how do you fit a train engine in such a little carriage? There wasn't even any coal in the car.

As Henry was driving along, Derpy looked out the window making sure to keep the jacket on her head. What she saw amazed her beyond what words could say, but since this is a story, with text, we must try. The world of the bronies was filled with lights. Lights of all colors, shining and fading and changing, all over. Bronies could probably stay out all night if they wanted to! And the number of bronies! There were hundreds at least, all unique, and all so interesting. Short ones, tall ones, fat ones, skinny ones. Ones with pictures on their body, ones with weird rings on their face, ones with HUGE hoops in their ears! There was one with a weird spiky mane cut that kinda looked like Zekora's, but it was all green. Bronies didn't have green hair usually, mostly it was brown, blackish, or blond like Derpy's. The colors of their skin weren't very different either. They were all about the same color, some were just lighter or darker than others. There were dozens of other weird carrages, of different colors and sizes, but they weren't as interesting as the bronies. Some were talking into little boxes, some had wires running out of their ears, and some were riding on little planks of wood with wheels. Kinda like Scootaloo's scooter, but without the handle bar. So strange, but so... diverse, and individualistic. Once again Derpy felt a little odd being naked while literally EVERY brony was wearing clothes. Derpy had one thing on her mind though...

"Henry?" she asked while still peering at the many bronies.

"Mmhm Derpy?"

"Why don't any of the other bronies talk to each other?"

"They talk to each other... oh, do mean why don't they talk to strangers?"

"What's that?"

"Somone, or somepony who you've never met before."

"Hey, how did you know ponies call each other somepony?" Derpy asked looking away from the window.

"Oh, it was just a guess. You know, just like... sombody, somepony, it kinda sounded like it would fit." Henry said while scratching his wrist. Derpy was a little suspicious, but she had decided she would hold all her questions until she got to Henry's house.

"So, bronies can't talk to strangers?"

"Technically Derpy, they are called people, and its not that they can't talk to strangers, its that they choose not to."

"Why not? There is this pony in my town called Pinkie Pie and she talks to every pony that walks into Ponyville. She was the first pony I met in Ponyville, she even threw me a party!"

Henry grinned and held back a giggle thinking about Pinkie Pie throwing Derpy a party. He regained his composure and said "Well... I'll explain it to you at the house Derpy, make sure to stay down, we're almost there. " Derpy pulled the jacket around her closer and looked at the neighborhood they were entering. It looked a little... dirty, and old, and in the dark it looked kind of scary. There were young bronies running around and playing in the cracked streets, and old bronies were sitting around outside. They all looked like they were mad at somepony, or they looked like they were regretting something. Like there was something they wished they had done long ago, but it was too late now. The houses were falling apart, peeling paint, missing bricks, broken windows, boarded up windows and signs that said 'FORECLOSURE'. Some houses had loud music blaring out of them, saying mean hurtful things, and saying weird words like; swag, airy day, and bitches. Derpy was going to ask about the words, but she remembered what Henry said. She hoped that his house was much nicer than these ones. "Here we are." Henry said pulling into the driveway with a hint of pride in his voice. Derpy let out a sigh of relief. Henry's house was MUCH nicer than all the other houses. First of all, it had a lawn. Lush green grass with a big tree in the middle. The house didn't have any peeling paint or missing anything, it was a bright yellow inviting house. Now to see what it looked like inside.

Henry carefully carried Derpy inside making sure to cover her from the view of his nosy neighbors. Henry turned on the lights revealing a house that was not to small, and not large enough for an echo. It had very little furniture and another one of those illuminating glasses. It basically had what all houses have, you know, windows, a kitchen a bedroom and a bathroom. Derpy didn't know this though, and as soon as Henry had put her down, she began flying around the house looking at all of Henry's things.

"Whoa! Henry what's all this stuff in your kitchen?"

"Derpy, come back here! I have to talk to you!"

"WOW! What are all these weird gadgets you've got? Are you a scientist? Or an inventor? What does this do?"

"No Derpy I'm not either one, and please put down my toaster!" Henry said, trying not to get flustered.

Derpy then flew out of the kitchen and flew into the guest bedroom, which was dark and cluttered. Henry came in after her but after not seeing her, walked out. This room didn't have as many of the cool gadgets the kitchen did, so she flew back into the kitchen and inspected a strange wardrobe in there. She opened it and saw only a few rotten vegetables, and some prepackaged food. Derpy decided she would do Henry a favor and throw away this nasty food, but when she tried to get out she couldn't push the door open. She also noticed it was starting to get cold.

"Oh no! Maybe I'm locked in here, and Henry can't get me out? What If i freeze? "

"Derpy? Where are you?"

"Henry? Henry! Help me! I can't get out!"

Henry opened the door of the wardrobe and Derpy flew into his arms knocking him back a little bit.

"Are you okay Derpy?"

"Yeah just a little cold."

"Come on Derpy, I want to talk to you about something."

Henry carried her into the living room, put her on the couch and wrapped her in a blanket. Derpy shivered a little bit and brought a smile to Henry's face.

"Derpy, what were you doing my fridge?"

"Is that what that was? Well, I saw you had some old food in their, and I was going to empty it." Henry burst out laughing and quickly put his hand over his mouth to muffle it. Pony empuzzlment ensued.

"Umm, what was so funny Henry?"

"Hah... oh nothing, now back to what I was saying, I need to talk to you about something." Henry said catching his breath.
"I wanted to talk to you about... the way... humans and ponies... react to each other."

"Well, that's part of the question I was going to ask you. I saw the pony toys at Kyle's house, and I wanted to ask you privately how bronies knew about ponies."

" WAIT, you saw those!?"

"Um, yeah, should I not have?"

"No its not that you shouldn't, its just that... *sigh* its hard to explain Derpy." Henry sat down next to Derpy and let out another big sigh. Derpy scooted closer to Henry and nudged him a little with her head and then gave him a comforting look.
Henry smiled and said solemnly " *Sigh* I guess I'll go first."

Next Chapter: Scrumdidilyumptious Estimated time remaining: 16 Minutes
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