I - Interviewer
MA - McIntosh Apple
AJ - Applejack Apple

I - So Big Mac, may I call you that?
MA - Eeeyup.
I - I was told that it would probably be easiest for all concerned if we kept this question and answer session to yes/no questions, is that right?
MA - Eeyup.
I - Okay good. Now, I believe you’ve been seeing Princess Luna for the last few weeks?
MA - Eeeyup.
I - Regarding how you first met, were you the one to first approach her?
MA - Nnnope.
I - How very traditional. I know most ponies still believe that the mare should be the one to initiate the courting. I see you’re wearing her flower.
MA - Eeeeyup.
I - Did you know she’s been seen around the castle wearing a red flower in her mane? I’m assuming that’s the one you gave her?
MA - Eeeyup.
I - I suppose it shouldn’t surprise our readers that Princess Luna is a traditionalist about such things?
MA - Heh. Nnnope.
I - Moving on to more recent events, I understand there was an unfortunate encounter with one of the Night Guard?
MA - ….Eeeyup.
I - And yet now I see that selfsame guard has been attached to this farm. A curious turn of events, wouldn’t you agree?
MA - ….
AJ - Our pappy never was one fer punishment. Mourne messed up, no argument there. Ah ain’t real fond of him fer what he did t’mah brother, but he says he’s tryin’ to do better and we’ll give him the benefit o’the doubt till he gives us reason tah think otherwise.
MA - Eeeyup.
I - Thank you to you and your brother again, Applejack. I wasn’t sure if you would agree to an interview. I’m given to understand that the Apple family keeps personal matters to themselves.
AJ - We ain’t ones for gossipin’, nope. We like t’keep things simple around here.
I - Your brother being involved with Princess Luna would hardly seem to be a simple arrangement, though?
AJ - Why not? He’s a colt, she’s a mare. Seems simple enough t’me.
MA - Eeeyup.
I - You’ll pardon me for saying so, but that seems a somewhat naive viewpoint. Princess Luna is, well, a Princess. An immortal alicorn, co-ruler of Equestria. There’s a whole lot of additional, for lack of a better word, baggage that comes with any sort of relationship there.
MA - Eeenope.
AJ - Ah’m with Mac on this one. This relationship only gets complicated when folks make it complicated.
I - Folks like Mourne, for instance?
AJ - Well...yeah. Folks who think they know best. They might have good intentions, but the simple truth is that this ain’t none of their business. Not yours, not Mourne’s, heck, not even mine nor any folks who read this in yer paper. This is ’tween Mac and the Princess.
I - I’m sure our readers will respect your brother’s wish for privacy. Moving on, I believe you’ve agreed that we can use the kinetoscope to record both you and your brother?
AJ - The wut?
I - The apparatus over there. It records moving pictures but it doesn’t need unicorn illusion magic.
AJ - Well ah’ll be. Mourne was right when he said that’s what it was. That’s some real fancy equipment your boys got there, huh Mac?
MA - Eeyup.
AJ - So what are y’all wanting us to do?
I - We’ve got a few more questions for Mac, then we’d like to do a little tour around the farm if you could. Just let people get a glimpse into the life of a farm pony. To a lot of the folks in Canterlot, this is a world they’ve never seen.
AJ - Yeah, kinda get that impression anytime any of’em come tah visit Ponyville t’see Rarity or Twilight. Ya’d think the ground was made o’lava or somethin’ the way they prance along tryin’ to keep even a speck o’dust from landin’ on’em.
MA - Heh. Eeeyup.
I - Okay, while we get set up, my last few questions. Mac, a lot of our readers will be wondering, and I have to apologise for this not being a simple question, but they will be wondering just how you did it. How did you catch the eye of Princess Luna? As far as we can tell you have no direct royal connections, your family is not particularly well off, there’s no nobility in your bloodline--
AJ - Now hold up there. What’s that got tah do with anythin’? A pony don’t need t’be from any kinda noble family tah court a mare.
I - A common mare, perhaps, but Princess Luna is not just a noble, she’s royalty. The knowledge that she has chosen to bestow her affections on a common earth pony has sent waves through the noble court and the Canterlot elite. You’re quite the talk of the town, Mac, but nopony seems able to figure out just how somepony like you managed it.
AJ - Now wait just a darn min--
MA - Applejack. It’s alright. Y’all go back inside now. Ah’m gonna finish this up mahself.
AJ - I...well...okay. If ye’re sure.
MA - Eeeyup.
I - Thank you for your time, Miss Applejack.
MA - Now then. Ah heard about the kinda questions ya been askin’ around town. Ah heard that y’all have been doin’ a bit of diggin’, that ye came here with some interestin’ ideas about the kinda folks we are and what we do. So lemme just set the record straight. What Luna does ain’t none of your business. What ah do ain’t none of your business. Y’all can speculate an’gossip all ya like but it ain’t gonna change nothin’. Ya wanna know what ah did for Luna tah like me? Ah weren’t no stuck up, hoity-toity Canterlot snob with his nose shoved so far up his plot he ain’t seen daylight in a year. Ya come here lookin’ down yer noses at us, puttin’ down good, honest, hard-workin’ ponies like they ain’t fit t’breathe the same air as you and ah will NOT have it. No Ma’am! Not here in Ponyville. That’s why Luna came here. She knows that what she sees with us is what she gets, no more and no less. Honesty, integrity, that’s how ya win a Princess.
I - It’s interesting you talk about honesty. I’ve heard that perhaps you’ve not been as honest with folks around here as you’re claiming to be.
MA - Are y’all accusin’ me of lyin’?
I - How many partners have you had, Mac? Why have you turned down every mare in Ponyville? I find it hard to believe that not a single one of them caught your eye. What exactly happened when you were younger? Did you hurt somepony?
AJ - That’s it. Interview’s over. Get your stuff, get yer gang of ponies and get offa our land.
I - You said we could film--
MA - That was before ya decided t’be rude. Now this is all y’all are gettin’. Ya heard mah sister. Git.