I - Interviewer
HRHPTS - Her Royal Highness Princess Twilight Sparkle
S - Spike (Assistant to HRHPTS)

I - So what can you tell me about the Apple family?
HRHPTS - Well, what do you want to know? I’ve done an extensive investigation into their family background. I have a genealogical chart around here somewhere. Spike! Where did I put the Apple family tree?
S - Probably in the genealogy section under “A”?
HRHPTS - Oh! Right, of course!
S - Don’t worry, I’ll get it. Here you go, Twilight.
HRHPTS - Thanks Spike. So, what did you want to know? We’ve got the Apple family tree traced back over a dozen generations! It gets a little vague around here during the Lunar Uprising, some records were lost in the conflict as the Apples sided with Princess Celestia. Did you know that there was actually a member of the Apple family in the Princess’ personal guard?
I - I--
HRHPTS - And that one of the major conflicts of the uprising took place right near to what would eventually become Appleoosa?
I - No, I did--
HRHPTS - In fact, if you look at past events in central and western Equestria, the Apple family and their related cousins have been involved in a huge chunk of Equestrian history! Isn’t that amazing?
S - Uh Twilight? I think she actually meant what you could tell us about OUR branch of the Apple family. You know, here in Ponyville?
HRHPTS - Oh. Oh! Of course. I’m sorry, I got a little carried away there. What would you like to know, exactly?
I - That’s quite alright, your Highness. I was wondering what you could tell me about Big McIntosh? He seems to be a fairly private pony.
HRHPTS - Mac? Heh. I’ve been here three years and I think I’ve maybe exchanged less than fifty words with him. In fact I’m fairly certain it’s forty-eight words now that I think about it. I mean I’m good friends with Applejack, she’s one of my best friends in fact. One of the first I ever made. What we’ve been through certainly has helped bring us all together. She’s the bearer of the Element of Honesty, in case you didn’t know.
I - I’m sorry, what you’ve been through?
HRHPTS - Oh, you know. Nightmare Moon, the dragon that tried to hibernate near here, the Changeling invasion of Canterlot, the return of King Sombra, a Parasprite infestation, that time Cerberus escaped from Tartarus, a rampaging hydra, some very grumpy Diamond Dogs…
I - I, I’m sorry to interrupt Princess, but did you say Nightmare Moon?
HRHPTS - I….yes?
I - And King Sombra. THE King Sombra, the one who ruled the Crystal Empire before Princess Cadance and her consort?
HRHPTS - I’m definitely not aware of there being another King Sombra in recent times, though there was in fact a Chieftain Sombra alive about five hundred years before the founding of Equestria.
I - You mean that all actually happened? The purging of Nightmare Moon’s influence, the destruction of King Sombra? McIntosh Apple’s sister really is one of the six greatest living heroes in Equestria today?
HRHPTS - Well I wouldn’t go that far. I mean we did what had to be done and we don’t really consider ourselves all that heroic. But yes, all those things really did happen. I don’t mean to be rude, but aren’t you a journalist? Shouldn’t you know all this already?
I - Well I mean we have the press releases from the palace, some supposed eyewitness accounts but a lot of the press felt that these events were being played up by the palace. A feel-good exercise, basically. Make heroes out of common ponies and all that. None of us really thought that...we didn’t believe these threats were really everything the Princess made out.
HRHPTS - You’re kidding, right? I mean none of us wanted parades in our honour, well, apart from Rainbow maybe, but I can’t believe that nopony thinks we really did all those things!
I - Well, I’ll be sure to mention in my article that ponies in Canterlot should try to be a little less sceptical. You know what it’s like, I’m sure. Many of the noble and wealthy families have little interest in what goes on outside of Canterlot’s borders.
HRHPTS - Some things never change, I suppose. So, we were talking about Mac? I really don’t know what else I could say about him. He doesn’t talk much, but he’s always willing to lend a helping hoof. One of the strongest ponies I’ve ever seen, actually. He always wins any strongpony competition at the local faires. He’s become a bit of an attraction now, with ponies coming from other towns to challenge him every year. Hasn’t lost in all the time I’ve been here.
I - What about socially? I know that Ponyville, the same as many small towns, has something of a skew in the stallion to mare ratio. You would think that he’d be quite in demand around here. Is it true that he was single until Princess Luna asked him?
HRHPTS - You’d be better asking him directly about that kind of thing. I know he’s not much of a reader, though he does come in every couple of months to check out a new book or two. Usually farming related. I know there were rumours about him and Fluttershy, and him and Cheerilee, but if that’s the kind of angle you’re after you’d be better speaking to Rarity. She’s far more in the know about what ponies get up to around here. Speaking of that ratio, you know it’s really quite a fascinating subject, the disparity in genders and birthrate in Equestria. I’ve been thinking about conducting a study into--
S - Twilight…
HRHPTS - Oh, sorry. Staying on topic here. Right.
I - So you’re not aware of any fillyfriends in his past?
HRHPTS - No. I’ve only been here three years and in that time there was only the love poison incident with Cheerilee. This isn’t an interview for one of those lurid gossip magazines is it? I could have sworn I turned all those down. You’re not trying to dig up some old flames to “dish the dirt” on Mac, are you?
I - Not at all, Princess. Just trying to get the full picture about Mac. After all, he’s dating one of our Princesses, ponies will want to know what sort of stallion he really is. Previous relationships will help establish his personality, his character.
HRHPTS - Mac’s a good pony. That’s all you need to know about him. Now if you’ll excuse me? I have a number of experiments running at the moment that need monitoring, I can’t really take too much time away from them.
S - Experiments? Twilight, we don--
HRHPTS - YES! So many experiments! No more time to chat, gotta go, sorry! Come on, Spike.
S - Oh, uh, bye!